NAKED MINDS (Season 1 Episode 7) - May 29, 2026

Added: 2026-06-01

[00:00:00]uh intimate connection. Uh you need trust, you need control, uh you need safety.

[00:00:09]Uh and that's a big problem when you have trauma. They have to feel safe.

[00:00:14]They have to be uh they have to feel they're comfortable in their own skin.

[00:00:18]They have to feel accepted. Uh and then they have to feel like they they're allowed to be vulnerable. And if they show their vulnerability, like they're not going to be judged or labeled as broken.

[00:00:52]When we talk about intimacy, we often think about desire, connection, even pleasure.

[00:00:58]>> But for many people, intimacy can also bring up fear, confusion, even shame.

[00:01:05]>> Good evening. I'm Dr. Joseph Lee >> and I am Zai Chua. Tonight we're talking about how trauma and shame shape the way we experience intimacy.

[00:01:17]>> Sai, let's start this by what? Let's talk about trauma affecting the brain when it comes to instimacy.

[00:01:26]You know um they always say that the brain controls everything our bodily thinking right. So when we have history of uh childhood trauma you know all those history it might come back or come back to our development. Do you think it's >> of course it's very possible doc no if you have trauma especially back then when you were still a child when you were >> during your childhood of course it will really affect how you um how you become more intimate with your partner.

[00:01:59]>> Yes. Especially for those who have been uh sexually abused >> uh not only within the family >> Mhm. or external. When I say external relatives, we you know that you you uh in the newsa then it becomes a problem when this was these are not resolved because most of the time the children don't really express it and communicate to their parents. Yeah. and they they have fear inside their bodies and so it will be very hard for them to express themselves and to be more intimate >> like what you said Kina no sh uh is like uh shame they don't like to be uh embarrassed >> and the shame would come in uh later on as they develop themsel and I think this one has to be uh reconciled with and really really um professionals should come in if ever uh this becomes uh a more uh prolonged uh trauma not only to your behavior and later on when you go into adulthood right >> yes John so trauma especially sexual or emotional trauma can reward the brain's alarm system the amygdala becomes overactive so even safe touch can feel threatening at the same time >> the brain's pleasure system can shut down. The body may go into fight, flight or freeze.

[00:03:34]>> Freeze.

[00:03:35]>> Freeze.

[00:03:35]>> Soal.

[00:03:39]No. Yeah. I think this is uh when you say freeze is like uh because of the um past sexual abuse >> that has not been really resolved. And children tends to to take it when they grow up. Mhm.

[00:03:58]>> So up to even they when they get married. Yeah. I think they go into marriage but I when they see the situation again it brings back uh very bad uh memories. Huh. Do you do you agree?

[00:04:13]>> Yes Doc. I totally agree. Those traumatic experience will really affect how you communicate how you give your I mean how how you treat your partner.

[00:04:23]>> Yeah. Especially when you were mentioning a while ago sai uh with regards to intimacy to touch. Well, during the time that you were uh molested, >> the initial uh reaction was touching you.

[00:04:39]>> So your husband becomes the molester which is not because of the history back then, right? And maybe that's the reason why some people pull away >> from the intimacy because the brain is sending the message that oh you have to protect your body.

[00:04:56]>> Yes. Agree.

[00:05:00]>> Yes. It's when the body shuts down to survive. And many people misunderstand the freeze response. Not reacting doesn't mean consenting. Sometimes it means the body is overwhelmed. And this is where shame comes in.

[00:05:17]>> Exactly. There's a big difference.

[00:05:19]>> And there's a big Let's unpack that.

[00:05:22]Guilt says, "I did something wrong." On the other hand, shame says, "There is something wrong with me." And trauma often creates that second belief.

[00:05:34]>> Yes. Especially in early childhood trauma, people may grow up believing I am not worthy. I am damaged. I am unlovable. Even if what happened to them was not their fault.

[00:05:46]>> Exactly.

[00:05:48]>> Now, can we connect this to mental health? How do anxiety and depression intimacy? Okay. Like what they're saying right all this uh unresolved uh sexual assault. Okay. Trauma during childhood.

[00:06:08]Even adolesccents can go into a uh anxious and deflecting like what you were saying shame uh not only to the body itself or to your partner and creating a good intimacy.

[00:06:25]>> Yes. And that's why it's really important doc that your partner is um mentally psychologically um healthy.

[00:06:33]>> Mhm. So that the relationship will be very good >> and understanding I think Sai is uh very important no like what we're saying um how do you understand when you are not into that science like the husband um you know that there's something wrong with your wife but you as somebody who probably has uh developmental trauma also That becomes a cycle of difficulty >> and the problem is how to ask your husband or maybe your wife a professional help >> right >> and how to bring it up and uh discuss things together.

[00:07:16]>> Yes.

[00:07:18]>> Affect in very real physical ways.

[00:07:21]Anxiety floods the body with stress hormones reduces arousal. Depression numbs the reward system. Nothing pleasurable >> first. How about medications?

[00:07:34]We know some anti-depressant can lower libido, delay orgasm, affect arosal.

[00:07:41]>> And yes, but that doesn't mean people should stop medication. It just means we need better conversations with doctors.

[00:07:49]>> Agrees. You have to find somebody who is uh sensible enough that you can talk professionally and and mentally. I think you know so if someone is struggling sexually it's not necessarily about attraction or desire sometimes it's about mental health and the baggage from the past like how would you understand if you yourself doesn't really uh intuisively know right >> and if you're not perfectly fine inside that will be the problem you cannot really react and you cannot give very much self to your partner when you are not whole inside.

[00:08:31]>> Yes, exactly. I agree with you.

[00:08:33]>> And when we come back, we'll hear real stories of people navigating intimacy after trauma >> here on >> Naked Mindsake.

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[00:14:06]>> Welcome back to Naked Minds. But there's more common than people think. With us tonight to discuss such stories is of course the ever famous Dr. Katherine Natalie Tan, fellow of the Philippine Psychiatric Association and international fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. Welcome to Naked Minds the cat.

[00:14:32]>> Hi Song. I'm most honored to be here.

[00:14:35]Thank you for having Right.

[00:14:37]Okay. So, to um start the ball rolling, we have some notes for you. These are little stories. I don't know if they're little stories for for you to and Zai for us to discuss on what are they what are your thoughts about it? Okay. So, two separate snows have reached our desk and to ensure their safety and respect, the requests for confidentialities were made. We will keep their identities anonymous as we address their concerns.

[00:15:12]>> These are stories we don't often hear out loud.

[00:15:23]I look okay on the outside. I laugh. I work. I show up. But when someone gets close, I panic. Sometimes I want intimacy, but my body says no.

[00:15:36]>> Doan, your thoughts about his note.

[00:15:38]>> You know what? Sai, that sounds like classic trauma response. Uh it's like uh the mind wants to do something but the body does something else. So uh we can see that whenever they feel very uncomfortable with a situation and then perhaps uh they want to be intimate with their partner, they want to get close and build that relationship with their partner but at the same time their body has a different response like they're trying to distantiate or protect themselves. So it's like a conflict between the body and the mind and the body is trying to protect uh the person while uh the mind wants to do something else. Would you think uh doc cat these are um inherent uh long history of uh trauma either developmental trauma whatever trauma that they have uh been uh not expressed or communicated well or with some uh um specialists or some uh uh individuals that can help them out.

[00:16:50]that has not been uh what do you call that? Uh substantiated.

[00:16:55]>> Yeah.

[00:16:56]>> And really really uh worked out to for them to really uh improve.

[00:17:04]>> Yeah.

[00:17:04]>> Whatever they are uh whatever trauma they have.

[00:17:08]>> Yeah. So uh yeah that that could be a possibility that because there are different types of trauma.

[00:17:14]>> So it can be like adverse childhood experiences, child abuse. really >> uh it could be in the form of neglect because actually neglect is is the most common form of child abuse. Uh it could be also like emotional, verbal, uh psychological abuse, but it also can be uh something more serious maybe molestation, >> uh sexual assault, >> uh or uh seeing uh like their parents uh these people how their how their parents interact with each other and uh the example that is shown is not is very dysfunctional. Mhm.

[00:17:54]>> It could be also like a combination of all these traumas.

[00:17:59]>> So yes, it can be uh it can be several uh it can be several and then one big very one at least one big serious uh trauma or like it could be like longlasting per perpetuating trauma that the person has experienced up to present. Would you think that uh like Sio uh would you think this uh developmental trauma that has not been uh treated >> can later be uh behavioral differences that the individual can develop >> later on when they mature?

[00:18:39]>> Yes. So actually a lot of times uh well for all of us actually we uh learn how to survive based on what we experience as children.

[00:18:51]>> Okay.

[00:18:52]>> And a lot of times we don't we're not fully aware that our decision making or actions is being led by what we experience as a kid. So for example uh I see somebody who works themselves to death. I wouldn't be surprised growing up for some reason uh the message that was instilled in the child was your self-esteem is based on uh like your your uh output.

[00:19:23]>> Yeah.

[00:19:24]>> Like your grades. So if you don't work >> Uhhuh.

[00:19:28]>> you have you have no worth. So growing up they embibe that message and then they work themselves to death to to death without realizing it's like it's causing harm to them already.

[00:19:40]>> Doc, my question is this know if the person is not ready to ask help professionally. What is your advice?

[00:19:47]>> I would say respect respect.

[00:19:50]>> All right.

[00:19:50]>> Uh wait for the right time. Okay. Uh cuz the the best time the best time to approach when it comes to mental health is when they're ready >> and it has to be voluntary because >> how do you know doc when you are ready already?

[00:20:04]>> Well, usually they're the ones who would approach us.

[00:20:07]>> Okay.

[00:20:08]>> And then understanding like the Filipino culture. Uh >> admittedly the stigma is very heavy when it comes to psychiatry.

[00:20:16]>> Okay. So a whole lot of times they come to us like as a as a last resort already. So in my in my years of training in psychiatry uh what I I would experience they went to the Albolario first >> and then we even have like a like a center for exorcism already here by the Catholic Church. Uh so like uh and then uh sometimes they feel more comfortable with seeing psychologist first before psychiatrist because they think seeing a psychiatrist is like the worst case scenario already.

[00:20:52]>> So uh usually when I encounter someone who voluntarily approaches a psychiatrist uh I guess that's the advantage to the stigma. It's like uh probably this person is ready. Although there are cases as well when their loved ones are the ones who force them and then you can feel the hesitation.

[00:21:14]>> So like I have to clarify like are you ready for treatment because these are your options but if not you can come back when you're ready. It's like no problem.

[00:21:23]>> But you know chalk dosip lath that's a problem cuz po in our Philippine culture. Yes. cuz sometimes we really feel shy to ask help professionally and that's where the problems start.

[00:21:37]>> Yes. And I would say that also stems from childhood >> because what I realized uh it it's sometimes it can be considered a trauma response.

[00:21:49]>> Usually these people like especially women like strong independent women it's like I will not show weakness. I will not ask for help. M >> probably growing up most of the time they were left alone.

[00:22:01]>> They had no one to count on >> so they were always by themselves. So what embied in them was it's like I cannot count on everyone so I have to do everything by myself.

[00:22:11]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:22:11]>> So that's why they have that facade like strong independent woman but but what they're actually showing are trauma responses >> but sometimes it becomes in uh indifferent in a sense no sight where in the parents have mental problems themselves >> and it it I mean it it it exudes down to the the child itself and they're like saying I probably I'm okay but my child seems to be not on the proper mental all health stuff.

[00:22:42]>> I actually see that a lot.

[00:22:43]>> A lot. Okay. So, how how do you uh adjust to that?

[00:22:47]>> Okay. Like most of the time, so I see the the child usually they're adults already or much older.

[00:22:55]>> And then I notice like the parents have behaviors.

[00:23:00]So, and then I I would also notice like whether maybe they need medications or not, but most of the time they're not ready.

[00:23:06]>> Yeah. Uh so if the parents are not ready at least the kid the adult kids are ready >> so at least from there I can like educate them talk to them about what they're going through like process what they went through >> and then uh because also when it comes to psychiatry there's something that we call biocschosocial and spiritual formation. So we would like to understand how the person ended up with this type of condition. So biobiological so we talk about uh genetics inheritance the neurotransmitters like favorite dopamine serotonin or epinephrine like yeah oxytocin and then next we we talk about the psychological so upbringing consistency of mothering attachment relationships uh and then adverse childhood experiences and then the uh social it's like the environmental like uh school, friends, the type of people this person uh this person grew up with uh like what were the challenges that they experienced like uh warstricken country or uh like finances were tight and then spiritual uh so there is a lot of recognition that also spiritual uh spirituality is very important so different you spirituality religious h yeah yeah so so when we talk about spirituality it's principles, beliefs, uh like in terms of like if if there's a higher being and know each has their own higher being. So it it's uh it's a multiffactorial uh observation that we would have on our patients so that we could better understand how they came about to to have those symptoms. So when it comes to uh the so I was pointing out like when it comes to the parenting so that's the part that's genetic and then that's the uh also psychological because growing up uh they're the uh the children the patients are the ones exposed to how uh the parent would like take care of them.

[00:25:16]>> So example example the parent him or herself is anxious okay so very controlling so It's like, oh, don't go out. You're going to get kidnapped and stuff like that.

[00:25:32]So, aside from the jeans, you're also giving the environment that it's like, oh, be afraid because the world is not a safe place. So, it would it wouldn't be surprising later on. Possibly uh they would also manifest anxiety symptoms as an adult and then they pass it on generational trauma.

[00:25:54]Okay, well explained. Now, let's go to the second note. Aora, >> I love my partner, but I don't always feel safe in my own body, and I don't know how to talk about that without feeling broken.

[00:26:08]>> So, for your medical standpoint, what professional advice would you give this person?

[00:26:13]>> You know what it it sounds like? Uh perhaps she has like issues about uh being comfortable with her own body, self-esteem, maybe how she views her body. And then maybe uh she also she's quite she's like she's anticipatory that she's going to be rejected.

[00:26:33]>> And then if she shows her vulnerability uh like she will be uh labeled as broken or there's something wrong with you. Um I wouldn't be surprised like growing up probably she was met with a lot of criticism.

[00:26:49]>> It's like it's like uh like oh you gained weight. Oh you uh you're supposed to look like this. Oh you're uh uh you're you're supposed to act this way.

[00:27:00]Very controlling. Very uh very hyperritical. So I see a lot of that actually now uh growing up. Uh so the adults over and over they keep saying the same thing over and over. So unfortunately uh a lot of them were criticisms and then as adults they carry it over but this time it's not their own parents telling them it's their own thoughts telling them their own voices telling them over and over criticizing.

[00:27:31]>> Yeah. Would you say Dr. uh s uh comparing especially for uh fathers like why do you not look like your mother who who is fair who's sexy you know >> always doing that to your child that can uh bring in mental >> problems yes or yeah because like what's the hidden message >> so if you're if you're insinuating that you're an ugling you're an ugly child and then it's coming from your own other like that's so painful because if it's a stranger, no problem. But if it's like, you know, your primary caregivers, the people who are supposed to have your back, the people who are supposed to keep you safe, the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally.

[00:28:18]Ouch.

[00:28:20]>> It's like my own father finds me so ugly.

[00:28:24]>> I see it the other way around. Maybe because of too much exposure to social media because nowadays social media is projecting perfection. Oh yeah. That's actually one thing. Yes.

[00:28:35]>> That is really um something that is very challenging to women nowaday.

[00:28:41]>> Yes. Yes. But then at the same time uh there are also uh social media projecting like being comfortable in your own body >> like I do remember so I am Gen X and I do remember growing up like beauty standards were to look Caucasian.

[00:28:59]>> Oh >> yeah like Caucasian nobody else. It was later on because like uh what's that the Taiwanese the Taiwanese uh soap opera came in. Yeah. like boys over at that >> uh the um >> boys overflower something like that.

[00:29:15]That one that one and then suddenly the oriental looking looked pretty.

[00:29:20]>> Okay.

[00:29:20]>> Yeah. And then before like >> the K-pop sensation now comes in the Spanish.

[00:29:27]>> Yeah. Yeah. And then uh like even now uh there there's also uh an embrace also on like the Morena skin >> like and uh you know uh accepting your own culture, accepting your own race, accepting your own type of beauty.

[00:29:44]Although I do agree with you there are times also people still want to look like the box. So they all have uh all the plastic surgery and they all look the same which is so unfortunate. But I guess uh at the same time like people have their own definition of beauty.

[00:30:01]Yeah.

[00:30:01]>> Uh we have different preferences. So it's like okay then if that's your preference like why not as long as they can afford it.

[00:30:09]>> Probably uh external society dictates you to make this kind of physical attributes. That's why Sai was saying social media >> environment friend you see everybody so fair >> and we're the only one Moreno Morena whatever right >> yeah but then if it's not something that is like pressed upon I don't think it would be a problem >> so if like uh like even if you're the only dark-kinned person in the group >> Mhm. But if it's if it's like nothing like uh like no matter what color is your skin but you're all treated the same, I don't think it would be a problem. So it's a matter of how how the group of people would uh like celebrate the differences and uh like in like uh instill the ideas uh whether there is a difference and whether it's something that you would like to uh praise or would you like to criticize.

[00:31:20]And it's also important that the partner will make you feel secure about agreements.

[00:31:27]>> Yeah. For both men and women or men and men and women and women or Yeah. It's like uh ultimately uh you want to allow them to feel safe >> that they can be comfortable in their own skin.

[00:31:43]>> They can be themselves. they are they can trust you >> like they can be vulnerable towards you.

[00:31:51]So when you're uh when you allow that type of safety and then perhaps they they can let their wall down and then perhaps they can be more open and more intimate in that relationship. So when it comes to like uh those instances when maybe your partner seems to like reject you perhaps you would like to understand what is the story behind it. Perhaps it's not a rejection towards you but there is something going on uh that's happening to your might be a backstory like yes okay now let's discuss the intersection of trauma and intimacy from your professional perspective doc in what ways can past trauma impact a person's ability to form or maintain intimate connection >> okay so when it comes to uh intimate connection Oh, you need trust, you need control, >> uh you need safety, uh and that's a big problem when you have trauma.

[00:32:56]>> So, uh so for if you have a problem with trauma and you have a problem with trust, safety and control, uh definitely there would be a problem when it comes to building intimacy.

[00:33:10]>> Yes.

[00:33:10]>> So, like I mentioned earlier, they have to feel safe. They have to be uh they have to feel they're comfortable in their own skin. They have to feel accepted. Uh and then they have to feel like they they are allowed to be vulnerable. And if they show their vulnerability, like they're not going to be judged or labeled as broken, but they're going to be accepted and loved.

[00:33:32]>> But most of the time, if your partner really doesn't understand this uh set of trauma >> Yeah. and and your partner doesn't really communicate. Yeah.

[00:33:44]>> How would he bring how would she bring back the trauma that happened to her long ago and probably the husband was will was probably not really give her advice really good. You know what I mean? What I mean >> what ran in my head was get another partner.

[00:34:04]>> That that's good >> because communication is the key.

[00:34:07]>> Yes. Yes.

[00:34:09]uh if you're married to this person, it's like why are you uncomfortable to talk about yourself with this person? So it says a whole lot.

[00:34:16]>> So it it sounds like this person didn't allow you to feel safe.

[00:34:22]>> So yeah, get another partner.

[00:34:26]>> But ultimately ultimately uh uh really really important is to have that communication. Yeah. Agree. And uh we would like both both to be open-minded to understand what each other went through because it's not necessarily just one. It could be both have their backstory and uh we would like to understand inquire instead of like pointing out uh their flaws and then we would like to uh accept instead of be judgmental. So all in all like both of you would like to communicate, understand each other and allow each other to feel safe and accepted.

[00:35:08]>> And it's nice I think s to as a partner if you cannot solve why don't you ask your your wife >> I want to bring you to somebody or do we want somebody to help us >> here to intervene >> to intervene right professionally. Yeah.

[00:35:26]I I mean like that's a that's actually showing vulnerability like you are suggesting to your partner, hey, we we both have a problem. Let's seek professional help.

[00:35:37]>> So imagine if the communication is so bad, I don't think the person would be comfortable enough to even bring that up.

[00:35:45]>> Exactly. So get another partner.

[00:35:48]>> Yes. I may catch you, doctor. As I see it, it's like a Wi-Fi connection between two people.

[00:35:53]>> Yes. If the connection is good when well the relationship will be healthy and strong but if the connection is bad of course it will disrupt the intimacy because >> agree >> the feeling that they have inside. So it's really important to have your parental state >> change your provider.

[00:36:13]>> So so uh we go to uh another question.

[00:36:17]How can partners provide meaningful support during the healing process without making the other person feel pressured?

[00:36:24]>> Yeah. So, uh definitely we don't want to force the intimacy when the person is not ready.

[00:36:34]>> Perhaps you can like get to know each other first. You don't have to like go straight into uh the intimate things.

[00:36:42]You would like to understand the person as a whole. You would like to get to know the person the good and the bad.

[00:36:50]>> Uh you would also want to uh show yourself too to uh your partner >> and then you also have to respect uh the healing process. So it may take a whole lot of time.

[00:37:03]>> Yeah.

[00:37:03]>> So you don't want to rush the person.

[00:37:06]>> Uh you don't want to force the person.

[00:37:08]So ultimately if you pressure the person, you force the person. It's like retraumatizing the person. So it's like you're even making a bigger problem.

[00:37:16]>> But like what you're saying Dr. I think that time will be very very uh important because if the duration of time and the intimacy becomes uh not seamless. It's like fading probably your partner will think of something else or even look for someone else. So uh I would say in case in case that is a big issue uh maybe maybe the partner who is encountered that trauma and maybe uh that trauma is causing a whole lot of dysfunction. So it's affecting how that person views him or herself, how he or she interacts with others or affecting his or her like work productivity or like studies. Perhaps that person would need to seek professional help because what if they are undergoing psychiatric conditions >> that actually hinder this person from establishing intimate relationships.

[00:38:24]>> But to my question is how do you approach your partner to seek help?

[00:38:30]And then how do you approach the person babe we need to but initially I did not know you have this problem in the beginning when we were married >> and that's another problem right now you're like showing me you're you have psychiatric >> problems now. Well, at the end of the day, okay, although I talked about I talked about changing your partner, but but but part of acceptance. No, but part of acceptance, as long as there is mutual respect, >> there's uh love. Yeah.

[00:39:08]>> Uh it's uh through sickness and in health.

[00:39:13]>> Till death do >> Yeah. So it's like uh you would allow your partner to feel safe so you can reassure your partner no matter what happens you will be there.

[00:39:27]>> Mhm.

[00:39:27]>> You will wait uh you will wait.

[00:39:30]>> Yeah.

[00:39:31]>> Uh like take his or her time like no problem. It's not it's not a burden for you. So if you're able to do that then you en you're allowing this person to heal and then you are also showing that you are somebody that he or she can consider as safe.

[00:39:48]>> Wow that's a big weight sacrifice >> and have been sacrificed.

[00:39:55]>> All right. Okay.

[00:39:56]>> So that's why it's love you know >> love conquers all.

[00:40:02]>> Exactly. Exactly.

[00:40:05]>> Yeah. Okay. So for those who are struggling with the effects of past trauma, what strategies do you recommend for them to recall the doctor?

[00:40:13]>> Okay. Uh for past trauma, so if I'm going to think about psychiatric conditions, uh so I'm thinking about acute stress stress disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder. Uh so there are many ways to manage these symptoms, these conditions.

[00:40:33]So uh there are times that we would recommend medications but there's also such a thing as talk therapy or psychotherapy. So uh it could be like uh in rel uh like therapy in relation to the trauma. So cognitive behavioral therapy >> uh eye movement desensitization and reprocessing exposure therapy. So there are different types. Uh so it you're you're better off uh going through these types of therapies with somebody who is uh trained in terms of trauma response.

[00:41:09]Um and then there are also other things that we can do like relaxation techniques, uh grounding techniques. So it's something that we also teach our patients. So in case in cases that they have those episodes, they can uh go to those techniques.

[00:41:25]>> Yeah. So it's a nutshell like what uh Dr. Katting saying that uh the couple should go and uh for treatment if ever who else who amongst them has problems and communication is uh well geared.

[00:41:44]>> Yes.

[00:41:45]>> In order for them to uh achieve >> Yeah.

[00:41:48]>> Uh the intimacy that they want.

[00:41:51]>> Yes.

[00:41:51]>> From the trauma they might have before.

[00:41:54]Yes.

[00:41:54]>> And correct it. Right.

[00:41:55]>> Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

[00:41:57]>> Okay. So, thank you so much for joining us this evening, Dr. Florat, and sharing your insights into becoming healthy again after traumatic experience. When we come back, Naked Minds will be writing out our doctor's orders.

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[00:46:32]Healing from trauma and shame is possible, but it takes awareness, intention, and determination, >> and compassion, especially toward yourself.

[00:46:41]>> Reflecting in our conversation with Dr. Kat, what are your meaningful takeaways?

[00:46:46]>> Me, I think S one is communication.

[00:46:49]>> Yes.

[00:46:51]>> Three, understanding.

[00:46:53]Both partners should uh develop that um productive >> uh knowing that one might be uh in a uh defect not really defect uh might have mental health problems but like what I'm saying a while ago how can you detect it you yourself is not a specialist on that right then what Dr. A cat was saying seek um professional help.

[00:47:23]>> Seek professional >> like you can >> that is very important.

[00:47:27]>> What is your takeaway there?

[00:47:29]>> For me doc um love intimacy they both go along together and it's really important for the two to um bond together so that they will both understand their feelings for each other and the problem that is taking inside their body.

[00:47:47]>> Yeah, I agree with you. time.

[00:47:49]>> One powerful idea is this. Shame grows in silence >> and healing begins when we feel safe enough to speak. Okay. So again, Z is communication, understanding and there is non deliberate accusation of the individual.

[00:48:12]If you find that there seems to be mental problems, mental problem health uh related to intimacy. Okay, like what the toat was saying, uh you either you have to wait, but I was asking a while ago, we were asking how long will you wait? Probably the husband might not wait too long, right? So, um in in doing so, I think then you have to have uh professional help coming in, right? Do you agree? Yes, doc. Professional help is really important and of course respect. If you really respect the your partner, of course, love is there and everything will just go smooth.

[00:48:51]>> Agree.

[00:48:53]>> Healing is not about going back to who you were.

[00:48:56]>> It's about gaining choice over your body, your boundaries, your stories.

[00:49:01]Okay. So, know yourself, know physically, know your heart emotion.

[00:49:05]Like what you're saying, love and intimacy has to be mix together.

[00:49:11]>> Yes, they have to have to blend. You agree?

[00:49:14]>> Yes, dog. They have to go together. And so, >> and so trauma can change how we see ourselves.

[00:49:24]>> And shame can make us believe we are broken.

[00:49:28]>> But those are beliefs, not fact.

[00:49:30]>> They are ones and wounds can heal.

[00:49:33]>> With the right support, >> the brain can relearn safety. the body can rediscover pleasure >> and the heart can trust again.

[00:49:42]>> Please do join us on the next episode of the naked minds. Again, I'm Dr. Joseph Lee >> and in behalf of Dr. Dale Abiliona, I am Zua. We hope we're becoming one of your habits >> because honesty is healthiest >> habit. Join us again next week here on Naked Mind.