90 Day Last Resort S3 Sarper's Comedy (Therapist Reacts)

[00:00:00]Hey Deserving listeners, 90-Day Fiance.

[00:00:02]My name is Dr. Kirk Honda. I'm a therapist and a professor. As I always say, don't use YouTube as a replacement for therapy. If you need a therapist, get one. You deserve it. Let's watch.

[00:00:10]>> I'm not I don't hate being married because first of all, clear that from your mind, okay?

[00:00:16]>> your stand-up routine.

[00:00:19]One of the issues in this relationship has to do with Sarper's career choice.

[00:00:23]He's an amazing comedian, but he has chosen most of his material to be about our marriage and it makes a big joke of our relationship.

[00:00:32]>> Okay, interesting. They're going to actually show us a bit of it, which I'm appreciating because it's good to have that data, but Shekinah is saying that she likes that Sarper is a stand-up and thinks that he's funny and supports that, but doesn't like the fact that quote unquote most of his routine is about her and it's and the routine is negative. And yeah, uh I'm sure that this is a common thing for comedians.

[00:01:02]Not every You know, some comedians don't talk about their marriage or they might make fun of themselves in in the marriage a lot. But yeah, if you're making jokes about your wife on stage, then you're going to have to clear that.

[00:01:18]I mean, one approach is you go to your partner and you just say, "Look, I have kind of a routine on stage and you know, there's embellishments to make it funnier and um is that okay with you? And you if so, you might not want to even watch my routine because it could be hurtful."

[00:01:38]Um if you ever want to talk about that, you know, there just should be a conversation around that. At the very least, he should refrain from blasting her on stage without thinking about how she's going to feel about it. But anyway, let's listen to his routine here.

[00:01:55]>> choice. He's an amazing comedian, but he has chosen most of his material to be about our marriage and [music] it makes a big joke of our relationship.

[00:02:04]>> Guys, she never stops talking. Take the garbage out. Stop taking the garbage out. Stop taking the garbage out.

[00:02:09]>> Oh my god. I mean, comedy is in the eye of the beholder, but what a hacky joke. It's not even a joke.

[00:02:19]You're just complaining on stage. How was that even funny? Uh I mean, unless you have a bunch of misogynists in the audience like, "Oh, yeah, women.

[00:02:28]Uh-huh."

[00:02:30]What are what year is this?

[00:02:34]Uh mocking her. Oh, take the garbage out.

[00:02:38]Take the Yeah, it kind of sounds like you're a deadbeat husband is what it sounds like. Be you know, if you have if your wife has to ask you to do things, then what the [ __ ] are you Anyway, and how is this funny?

[00:02:51]Uh it's just sad and I don't hear a lot of a lot of that. Now, who knows? Maybe it's hilarious.

[00:02:58]I don't know. But at the very least, yeah, uh you should think about how this is going to affect her and if you really need to say that joke in that way, then you know, you're going to have to clear it and there's a way to do that of just uh you know, I don't It's an interesting question like, how do spouses who are married to comedians uh handle that kind of stuff if the comedians do make a song But I don't know. Like, how is that funny? Uh there's so many other opportunities for joke Now, maybe just before and after he was making fun of himself.

[00:03:34]Uh I don't know, but what a hacky joke.

[00:03:38]My wife, she's always talking all the time. She And then, you know, take out the garbage and go walk the dog like like Take my wife, please, you know. Are we in the '50s? What's happening?

[00:03:49]>> material to be about our marriage [music] and it makes a big joke of our relationship.

[00:03:55]>> Guys, see that he never stops talking?

[00:04:01]>> This is what he can't tell me to my face, but he's able to express it to an audience for me to hear.

[00:04:09]>> Okay, so I think from that, at least in some instances, if not every, she's saying, "I don't hear these complaints from him. I only hear about it from his stand-up you know, side."

[00:04:22]Yeah, that would be really upsetting.

[00:04:23]>> [snorts] >> Now, if it's a complete lie, which a lot of comedians will do, they'll just make [ __ ] up to make a joke, then, you know, he should tell her and ask her if it's okay.

[00:04:36]Is it okay if I lie about you on stage?

[00:04:38]Anyway, >> It's a comedian thing, and and comedians always roast people whoever the closest to them.

[00:04:49]>> Uh hacky comedians, yes, that's what they do.

[00:04:53]>> [snorts] >> Cuz they aren't funny.

[00:04:58]>> [snorts] >> And yeah, yeah, it can be entertaining in a sense to an audience that has a similar complaint.

[00:05:08]You know, it's essentially just like locker room talk, right?

[00:05:12]And yeah, you'll get an audience, I guess, but um and you know, it's but to be fair, yeah, is it common for comedians to make jokes about their marriages or their family? Yeah, it's it's a it is a thing, and there's a way to do it, I guess, but just to say, "Well, that's comedians, you know, that's what we do." Like, and okay, fine, and maybe those comedians who have successful marriages actually had conversations with their spouse.

[00:05:42]>> It sounds like you hate me.

[00:05:43]>> It is not.

[00:05:44]>> Well, it sounds like you do.

[00:05:46]>> Because I'm showing that it is difficult to get married. I mean this is reality.

[00:05:50]Ask everyone, anyone.

[00:05:55]>> So, I just want to point out I'm I'm sometimes talking about triangulation.

[00:06:00]And you know, there's functional ways to triangulate, but often it's dysfunctional meaning that it doesn't help the issue. He is triangulating society and we all do this. So, you want to monitor this in yourself and identify. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean you shut it down in other people, but just so you understand that there's tension between the two of them. She is hurt and upset that he makes fun of her on stage. And she feels she's basically saying it sounds like you hate marriage.

[00:06:30]And he is saying well, it that's a comedian thing. And then he also says but that's a known thing.

[00:06:37]Everyone knows that being married is hard. I'm pretty sure he lives in a sexist circle.

[00:06:45]Because that's a really old outdated misogynist notion. That's like uh you know, being married uh take my wife, please. I mean literally that 80 years ago that was the comic.

[00:06:58]Look him up.

[00:07:00]It took me you know, pretty late in life where cuz if you're old like me, you heard people make fun of that joke. Take my wife, please. And it was pretty late in life that I realized what that joke meant because it was a set up for a joke like you know, take my job for instance. Let me tell you about that. So, it'd be a set up for a joke and then you launch into a joke about your job.

[00:07:19]And you know, take my wife for example.

[00:07:22]But his joke was take my wife take my wife, please. You know, it's like a different way like please take her. That kind of It it's it's sexism. That pure and simple.

[00:07:32]And you know, uh comedy is an art form and uh you can even play around in the sexist space or the gender space and still have it be maybe not problematic to me at least in my time, you know, 40 years from now, who knows what we'll think about today's comedy that we would approve. Anyway, now, if that's what he trades in and his audience likes that, then whatever. But the point is that you have to have conversation about it and care about your wife and at the same time, and maybe primarily. But anyway, so he is triangulating society. Everyone knows that. So if you ever find yourself saying that, that is you're trying to overpower someone with, you know, everyone understands it except for you. I and society, everyone, agree, you know, society's on my side and I'm on society's side and you're against us. And so that's a triangulation. I'm I'm pulling in society to feel better about, you know, I'm trans anyway. Now, is that kind of true? What it shows is that he is anxious and doesn't know that things are happening for him and doesn't know how to navigate that in a careful way to get the job done, which is he, I think, wants to reassure her and say, "No, I I want to be married to you. I love you."

[00:08:48]And yeah, I can understand how that would come across that way, but, you know, I I don't feel that way and I'm sorry, you know, something like that.

[00:08:57]Instead, it's fight, it's defense, it's everyone, you know, comedians do this.

[00:09:01]That's a triangulation. Society understands this, that being married is hard, which isn't isn't true, anyway.

[00:09:07]>> Sounds like you do.

[00:09:08]>> I'm showing that it is difficult to get married. I mean, this is reality. Ask everyone, anyone.

[00:09:14]>> Ask anyone. I actually love my wife for I actually >> They know that I they I love you.

[00:09:18]>> Who knows?

[00:09:19]>> They see that.

[00:09:20]>> Who knows?

[00:09:20]>> Everyone knows that.

[00:09:22]>> Everyone that leaves your show thinks that you hate being married and that I'm hideous without makeup.

[00:09:26]>> So, she's also triangulating. Everyone as well. When more fundamentally, she just wants to feel like her husband loves her and appreciates being married and isn't walking around thinking negative thoughts all the time. And so she is saying the audience doesn't think that you want to be married to me. When more fundamentally, she is concerned that he doesn't want to be married to her, you know. So when we're not we don't when we don't feel safe or we're not differentiated in in ourselves or we're not differentiated in the relationship, then we will triangulate these other elements. It is just something you notice. It's not a high crime. At the very least it's a barometer for ourselves and for us watching this to see that there's tension and there's confusion and there is pain and there is lack of differentiation and there's adrenaline and fight or flight cuz people tend to triangulate more when that those things are happening.

[00:10:20]And yeah, it's notable.

[00:10:22]>> I can't respect someone that can't have adult conversations, that doesn't say they're sorry when they're wrong, that doesn't tell me that they're joking when they're saying mean things about me.

[00:10:30]How can I respect that?

[00:10:34]>> Yeah, I'm trying to read between the lines because we just saw that snippet and it was edited as well of the standard routine.

[00:10:41]And from her language it sounds like when she's brought it up, he just gets defensive.

[00:10:47]Instead of saying, "I don't believe that to be true.

[00:10:51]Uh I'm exaggerating or maybe I should scale that stuff back or you know, he he just gets defensive. He doesn't apologize.

[00:10:58]He's like, "That's comedians or everyone knows." You know, that kind of stuff.

[00:11:01]And uh what did she say?

[00:11:03]>> respect someone that can't have adult conversations, that doesn't say they're sorry when they're wrong, that doesn't tell me that they're joking when they're saying mean things about me.

[00:11:10]>> You don't tell me that you're joking when you say mean things about me. And who knows if she's being accurate about that, but my goodness if that's true.

[00:11:18]That he would say horrific things about her. I mean not horrific, but you know, negative things about her and it sounds like that snippet we saw was a part of a larger bit of being married is so hard and you You women they're always talking Anyway, he didn't say that, but it came across that way. So, you know, anyway.

[00:11:37]Uh and then when she indicates that there's a question mark there at the very least, he won't tell her, "I'm just joking on stage. I I don't really feel that way about you." He hasn't said that.

[00:11:50]That's what she's saying right now, or at least from her percep- perception, he has never said, "Oh, no, no, no, those are just jokes, or I'm exaggerating, or I'm playing it up, or Yeah, I mean, there are times when I feel that way, but overall, I don't really feel" He he doesn't say that. So, how is she supposed to receive that?

[00:12:08]If he doesn't say those are just jokes, then she's supposed to, you know, it's like overhearing your spouse complain about you to their friends, right?

[00:12:17]Essentially, that's what's happening.

[00:12:19]>> Oh my god, thank you.

[00:12:21]>> What the last one? Like it was really >> Thank you, Sandra.

[00:12:25]>> This is one for everyone. Last one like >> No, no.

[00:12:30]>> Normally, when he drinks, does he do something that you >> Okay, I'm glad that someone is asking.

[00:12:37]I'm getting to know this guy, Sarper.

[00:12:39]I'm glad that he's asking Jenny. So, the whole theme that they are including in the edit is that Jenny really does not like it when Summit drinks at all. And at first, I thought, you know, she's just like, "Hey, don't get drunk tonight." But she's fixated on it, and I wondered if there was some justification there.

[00:12:59]Now, I'll float the notion. I don't want to demean her agency or anything, but with ALS, it can affect your personality, your emotional regulation, your irritability, even the way that you see things. So, it could be that. Also, the stress of having ALS and the symptoms can just make you irritable in general. I don't want to say that everything that we're seeing is through that lens. I hate it when people do that. You know, no one can know what's going on. And it's totally normal for a spouse to be concerned about their spouse getting drunk. But I was wondering if if there's some history there, and I guess we're going to hear it. Today's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So, normally BetterHelp will send me a script guideline, and then I read the guidelines, and then I put it into my own words.

[00:13:50]And this month is different though, because they want me to highlight a survey that they sent out. They want me to read this verbatim.

[00:13:58]BetterHelp's 2026 State of Stigma Report. That's the name of the report, State of Stigma. In this report, they surveyed 2,000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe that getting support is wise, meaning that 85% say that going to therapy is a good idea.

[00:14:16]But 74% say society discourages people from doing so, meaning that 74% say that there's still stigma as a barrier to going to therapy. So, I'm often encouraging people to go to therapy, right?

[00:14:29]And I imagine that some of you listening might be on the fence and have been on the fence for a long time. And, you know, you're on your own journey, of course, but one place that's pretty easy to shop around for a good fit as a therapist is at BetterHelp. You know, they have apparently over 30,000 therapists available.

[00:14:50]So, it seems like there's got to be a good fit out there, you know?

[00:14:53]The rest of this they want me to read verbatim. So, don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/kirk.

[00:15:05]That's betterhelp h e l p dot com slash kirk.

[00:15:09]>> Don't like or >> Hey.

[00:15:12]>> You'll fall down on the floor, walk into a wall.

[00:15:15]>> Oh, okay. So, you have experience like only maybe >> a a >> Okay. So, sounds pretty drunk. We don't know the truthfulness of that or how often that happen or something or how at risk he is here. But, even if that's the case, it's not a viable strategy to become his mom, which is the way that she's acting. If it impacts her and it worries her and it really negatively impacts her life, then yeah, that's a thing. You know, they're together, they're married, and they affect each other. How do you approach that? And you know, we've had decades of how to approach this. Al-Anon is a good example of the philosophies that are given.

[00:16:00]Often, that's further down the road from this scenario, but the principle still applies, which is that you can't control the other person. And trying to control the person who is drinking is just going to cause, at the very least, suffering for you, but could actually perpetuate the problem in a weird way.

[00:16:18]So, there's an approach that is often more healthy. And in couple therapy, this is a similar principle. That you investigate your feeling, right? So, we investigate our hurt or our worry.

[00:16:32]You could even argue that we're worried about being hurt. So, hurt is at the bottom, you know, rejection, being left alone, being made to feel like we don't matter. That's our hurt, right? And that has to do with attachment. So, that's So, attachment at the very bottom, hurt, and then worry about being hurt. And then from there, it's anger and control and distance and all the stuff that we do to cope with the anger, with the hurt, and with the worry.

[00:16:57]So, what she's resorting to is control.

[00:17:00]So, she could investigate the worry and the hurt, which, you know, we could imagine what that would be. And then say, "Okay, well, that's at the base level. I need to communicate from there, not go up the ladder and obscure it with anger and control. I need to start at the bottom, cuz that's the only thing that I can really say for sure. I know that I'm hurt when you get so drunk that you can't be a husband or that you will not do your responsibilities or I worry about your health or I worry what you're going to do when you're drunk or whatever, you know.

[00:17:32]And then you communicate that. You just say, "Hey, when you drink da da da da."

[00:17:37]Then he has to make a choice. And you could, you know, be pretty pointed in it and say, you know, I I don't know if this continues, I don't know where I'll be in the future with you.

[00:17:49]Um and I might have to start distancing myself or something, you know, depending. But at least in the beginning you speak from that place. Then he has a choice. And if he chooses to not drink to care about your feelings, then that's what he chooses. If he doesn't, then that's his choice and you don't have any control over that. And to attempt to control just drives the drinker potentially to drink more or just hide their drinking or not want you around while they're drinking or whatever, you know. Um it also just sends a general message that you think you're in control of his life, that you think you're entitled to just bark at him in front of everyone, you know?

[00:18:24]That's what she's doing. She has some reason to do so, and if we heard the whole story, we might very much sympa- sympathize with the emergency feeling that she has around this. But I even if that were the case, I wouldn't recommend this approach.

[00:18:40]>> Okay.

[00:18:41]No.

[00:18:42]Do anything. No.

[00:18:44]No, no, no.

[00:18:45]>> Listen.

[00:18:46]>> No.

[00:18:46]>> Yeah, she she's done this before. I I've been I've watched them on many seasons, and I remember that she would become unglued at times, strangely, and put hands on. And you know, she has like a kind of a short fuse. She will become physical. I don't know if I remember her being physical with him.

[00:19:05]I don't think so.

[00:19:07]But I think this is part of maybe her childhood that this is available to you, cuz I have to just say for myself I wasn't raised this way. So this doesn't occur to me. You know, I might have a similar feeling as her which can happen but I don't have an impulse to be like no I'm going to put hands on. I'm just [snorts] going to grab your drink.

[00:19:30]Um yeah, so not not you know, now if he asked please help me with this and feel free to step in then okay, but I don't think that's the case.

[00:19:41]>> Are you going to have this one too?

[00:19:42]>> No, you're not either.

[00:19:46]Come on.

[00:19:47]Let's go.

[00:19:48]>> Now is it healthier if he doesn't drink as much or at all? Yes. So that's the confusing part to the codependent people to the over functioners to the controlling people. Is that there's truth to their efforts but the method will destroy relationships and yourself.

[00:20:07]>> Yeah. No no we have we have >> having a good >> We're going outside.

[00:20:12]>> Yeah.

[00:20:13]Yeah, sometimes it helps. It's not exactly analogous but if we reverse the genders if a husband were to you know, bark and say you can't do this and take a drink out of her hand and say and then physically you know, escort her outside it it it lands more as to what is happening right now. Now you know, again is it a high crime? Is it ridiculous? I don't know how some of it feels about this but not a good sign.

[00:20:42]>> But also maybe they had some bad experience before about that.

[00:20:47]>> Yeah, just said that.

[00:20:48]>> It sound like it.

[00:20:50]>> Yeah.

[00:20:51]I asked you not to do that.

[00:20:53]>> I'm not doing anything.

[00:20:54]>> I know you're going to come here.

[00:20:56]>> No no.

[00:20:57]>> I get drunk. I knew it.

[00:20:59]>> What >> asking you to stop and you're not stopping.

[00:21:02]>> Yeah, it's helpful to watch this because I don't know. I think lot of people like Jenny. I do.

[00:21:09]And yet, the people we like can out of their own fears and hurt can resort to controlling abusive behavior.

[00:21:20]Uh yeah. Abusive is a strong word. Not in my world though. I talk with people regularly about their abusive behavior, even if it's just in the moment, you know? Because it is. And that word applies and this applies that she is emotionally controlling.

[00:21:39]And I'm waiting for her or for the two of them to agree or to say something like, "Well, remember we talked about it and you said you didn't want to drink that much." But all I'm hearing is that she earlier in the day demanded, you know, "I asked you not to drink."

[00:21:55]And I don't in the edit anyway, and they're not indicating that he said, "I'm not going to drink." But even if he said he wasn't going to drink, like he can change his mind. He's a free human being. He can make his own [ __ ] choices.

[00:22:06]And so, regardless, but she's just like, "I I asked you not to drink. I You know, we've been over this."

[00:22:12]Who cares?

[00:22:14]He He's a free human being. He can He can even if he did agree, which I'm not hearing, he can do whatever he wants.

[00:22:20]Now, if it's a bad thing that he's drinking, and bad things can happen, yeah. But control and bringing him outside and emotional intimidation is not the answer. Just tell him, "I'm really worried." Or "I can't be here."

[00:22:34]Or "It's hard for me to watch." Or "Please don't over drink." Or something like that, you know? Like I I'm wondering if he's the way earlier when he walked into the bar, it almost seemed like he was drink I don't know. It's just speculative. It don't cuz it's been all they've been talking about in the edit that he might passive-aggressively be drinking as a message to her to back off or as a you know, an unconscious way to cope with a relationship that isn't going so well. I don't know.

[00:23:02]>> I'm not drunk yet. You know, you you you didn't you just insulted me in front of them. You said that I crawl on the ground and fall down.

[00:23:09]>> That's why I don't want you getting drunk.

[00:23:12]>> This is the reason we are here because I feel like you've been extra controlling.

[00:23:16]I don't like it. I just [music] I want to enjoy like I we are here to for a therapy with >> Yeah, who knows, but it's not hard to imagine a dynamic that has been developing up until this point and we're seeing kind of like the results after a long time. The way the story almost seems is that, you know, the last time I saw them it there was some optimism about the future.

[00:23:40]You know, the parents were kind of kind of coming around. At least they were no longer, you know, being combative with the whole situation. From my memory, it's been a while.

[00:23:50]But it sounds like since then they tried to get a business going in India and it didn't work. It sounded like there was a couple businesses and I'm not sure.

[00:23:59]And they had to move back in with his parents, which is and they had to start a business with the parents maybe could because they floated the money. I don't know.

[00:24:08]And Jenny, you know, obviously would not want to live with his parents, which I just can't imagine what that would look like, how that would be. I mean, the mom the last time we saw, I mean, the way she treated Jenny was horrendous. It was she was basically making Jenny into like a slave of the house. I mean, it was kind of like that. Anyway, and the disdain that the parents had was the the mom that had more I mean, just the the the anger and the bitterness for no reason that they that I could identify.

[00:24:36]Anyway, so I just can't imagine what So, it sounds like since then, you know, stress and and I think he might be more stressed out because of the lack of money and stuff and, you know, she's like, "We need to move out and we need to make money and you you know, this is your country. You need to figure this out."

[00:24:54]And he might be It sounds like he's been going out more and he's been drinking and it's that's his coping. That's his self-medication.

[00:25:04]You know, it serves a lot of purposes.

[00:25:05]It numbs.

[00:25:07]It is something to do. You can socialize.

[00:25:11]Um you feel a little better for a while or something. It could also be a message to Jenny or maybe even to his family that he can live his own life. I don't know.

[00:25:22]And you know, none of that is functional.

[00:25:24]But she Jenny, instead of them going to therapy, which presumably they're going to do on this show, they have continued to widen the gap and they have cuz this is often the case. If you've ever been in a long-term conflictual relationship with a romantic partner, often a self-observation when you're calm will occur when you think, "My god, we fight about the same thing over and over again. What's happening?

[00:25:51]Why Why do we seem so entrenched in this constant battle?" Or more consciously often we will think, "My partner is crazy in this one particular way over and over and over again." But zooming out, it's like, "Well, we're crazy about this thing."

[00:26:06]And it's because of worry and attachment and hurt and resentment and conflict that just never resolves and they don't have a way of doing it. And so we end up with these sort of surface level things, the drinking part, which in all likelihood that is an issue, but there's something more fundamental at play.

[00:26:24]Uh because there seems to be this pretty uh you know, cuz from her I've been really focusing on her cuz she's not being functional.

[00:26:33]She might be understandable, but not functional.

[00:26:35]But if I look at him, too, it's like even if Jenny is being unfair, you know, just don't drink or don't drink anymore.

[00:26:45]What what's the big deal, right?

[00:26:47]Now, he might have a problem with dependency or compulsion or something, but so they're both participating in a dysfunctional way and it probably is a result of a long path to here.

[00:27:00]Cuz they've been together forever. I mean >> [snorts] >> um they've been Yeah, they've been together for 15 years.

[00:27:06]Uh cuz I remember when they were like 8 years into the relationship. Anyway, so you know, things can develop over that time and uh I think that's what we're seeing because the service level conversation is service level and I think there's more I think there's something more fundamental going on in self-esteem.

[00:27:25]I I I wonder what the status of the ALS diagnosis is at this point, which I think was a year before the show aired, which is happening right now.

[00:27:36]Which is kind of fun actually by the way cuz usually I'm watching a show that has long since been aired, but I'm actually watching and reacting and posting as the show is being published. Although this episode was a while back. Anyway, so I I wonder if she knows she has ALS or there's some question mark there cuz her her speech is pretty slurred. It's pretty affected and I'm guessing there are other symptoms as well. Now, people can go into denial or they can think, "Oh, it's this other thing." Uh so who knows, but that this is part of the context that I'm wondering about that I don't know if we're going to find out about.

[00:28:10]Uh and if she does know, does he know?

[00:28:13]And if he knows, how's he feeling about it? If he doesn't know and he just thinks that she's aging or you know, like I I just wonder if there's a sub context there.

[00:28:23]>> I'm happy then go and join like you usually do. Bye.

[00:28:29]Idiot.

[00:28:32]>> Right. I I remember her doing things like that.

[00:28:37]It >> [snorts] >> Yeah. When we're upset, we're going to say those kinds of things and or some of us under some circumstances will say some of those things, but it it is telling, right? That she would say that, idiot, you know, it it's in that camp of just abuse. That's a kind of control, put-downs, belittling, probably something that she would had modeled to her when she was growing up.

[00:29:08]>> You decide not to drink?

[00:29:11]>> No, I decide to take it back. Like this is not the way.

[00:29:15]>> So, you should respect my feelings. If I don't want you to drink, you should not drink.

[00:29:21]>> I I stop enjoying life.

[00:29:24]Like I I I I have to listen and I >> stop enjoying life. That's >> Okay. So, I think we're hearing something along the lines of the hypothesis that I had that it is deeper than just the drinking thing. I mean, the drinking thing is a thing, but that it's part of a larger dynamic.

[00:29:42]So, I wonder how they got to this point where he thinks, generally speaking, he can't enjoy life because of her demands or her requests or something.

[00:29:56]I don't know. Now, I want to be clear that some of it could be completely distorted in this, but at least we're getting somewhere.

[00:30:01]If only there was a therapist there to help them. Maybe that will [snorts] happen. All right. Well, let's adjourn there. You know, at the end of every episode I say take care of yourself, but I I really mean it. And if you want to, you can really take a second whenever I say it, but maybe now especially to check in with yourself and ask yourself how you can take care of yourself, which often involves asking for help from other people, right?

[00:30:24]And you know, we always need those reminders in the hustle and bustle of life. We can coast without ever asking that question. So, I encourage you to do so because you deserve it. You really really do.