Willow (1988) A Totally Cool Awesome 80s Fantasy Film

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[00:00:00]This week on the program, we flash back to 1988 where we talk about the first movie I ever saw in theaters. It's Willow. Well, I'm Andrew Jupin, Steven Sedak, >> Eric Cisa, >> Raise the Bones, >> Chris Gavin, >> and we hate movies.

[00:00:49]Hello everyone. Welcome to Wehe Hey Movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. This is your first time cuz you're a huge Willow head. This is a comedy show where we take a movie good, bad, and otherwise and uh just poke it around for a little bit. So yes, this week toh continue on totally cool. Oh, outrageous awesome8s month. Yes, we're talking about Willow directed by Ron Howard. Now check out where this falls in this fucker's filmography.

[00:01:14]>> Ronald, >> right after Gung-Ho. Awful movie.

[00:01:18]>> I've seen Gungho quite a few times. It's super racist. I liked it as a kid.

[00:01:22]>> I barely remember it.

[00:01:23]>> I have never seen that. I've seen this this as a kid. I liked this as a kid, dude. You're not You're not missing much with Gungho. And then after this he does Parenthood. So that's where it falls in his his filmography here.

[00:01:34]>> This in Parenthood I have seen a lot of times cuz they were on TV all >> parenthood. Great movie I think.

[00:01:39]>> Parenthood. Parenthood's a good movie.

[00:01:41]>> Does parenthood parent when you have a child it should also start with the scroll. It is a time of dread.

[00:01:46]>> Yes.

[00:01:48]>> The series foretold the birth of a child. Okay. Go on.

[00:01:51]>> This is my first time watching it.

[00:01:53]>> Wow.

[00:01:54]>> I just have somehow missed I mean, even with like older siblings and stuff, no one was renting Willow in the same household.

[00:01:59]>> There is a slim chance that someone rented it and I I was there when I was five or something. I just don't remember it.

[00:02:06]>> I that's why I I have no memory of watching this movie. We definitely didn't see it in theaters and we it was not like playing in my house. And I should say, like I said at the top, this was indeed the first movie I ever saw in theaters. I was a little over four years old. Uh and I I didn't rewatch it until maybe, funny enough, like 6 months ago.

[00:02:24]>> Okay. And at that time watching it, I was like, "Where's the one shot you remember from the movie?" Literally at the end, I think I must have fallen asleep and I woke up and Willow's coming back to the village, a huge hero, and that was the only shot I remembered.

[00:02:36]Yeah.

[00:02:37]>> I think I think it's a really good fantasy kids movie. Like I I think this is actually what I when you're looking for a right down the middle, this is right down the middle. This is the thing. It It works. It does everything I wanted to. It's all [ __ ] It's every light's touching things. It's happening.

[00:02:53]It's nice.

[00:02:54]>> You You know why? It's right down the middle. Ron Howard, it's ex It's not too good. It's not too bad. It's >> He can [ __ ] it up pretty bad though. He can I I do think he has some shitty like shitty movies.

[00:03:05]>> Some I could barely count on two hands the amount of shitty movies.

[00:03:09]>> Oh, he's a nice guy.

[00:03:10]>> He's a nice sish guy, but uh he's made a lot of bad movies. Maybe >> I would say Apollo 13's got to be the best, right?

[00:03:16]>> Probably. Yeah, >> it has to be.

[00:03:18]>> Probably.

[00:03:18]>> And the I mean the thing with Ron Howard, too, it's generational, right?

[00:03:21]Like I will tell you, uh, his 2000 Jim Carrey Grinch movie is one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.

[00:03:28]Someone 10 years younger than us, grew up with that movie. Loves the [ __ ] out of it, >> you know. So that's interesting with Ron Howard's filmography.

[00:03:35]>> I grew up with this and I loved it as a kid. I loved that Grand Theft Auto he made. Oh my goodness.

[00:03:40]>> I never saw it.

[00:03:40]>> Oh, the the uh Corman picture.

[00:03:42]>> Yes. Yes. With the cars and >> Grand Theft Auto. Billy Barty is stealing cars.

[00:03:51]I you know I what I always remember about this it's funny Andrew you're mentioning that ending shot. I always think about this double-headed monster at the castle I saw I don't think I saw this in the theaters but we definitely saw it like right when it hit VHS and I wore out that tape. I saw this a ton growing up.

[00:04:08]>> Skull Mask. Skull Mask is what stuck in my head from the beginning. And like now I am like laughing my ass off. Like imagining like Ron Howard having some grudge against Pauline Kale. I was like I'm just I'm laughing to myself.

[00:04:23]>> That was Big George Lucas actually who did that.

[00:04:25]>> Of course. Big George. And also apparently the uh Did you hear about the dragon? The two-headed dragon.

[00:04:31]>> No.

[00:04:32]>> Is that Eert and Cisco? Is that >> It is supposed to be Eird and Cisco. I'M NOT KIDDING.

[00:04:36]>> STOP. IS THAT WHY, >> DUDE? Is that why they panned the movie so hard on at the movies? I watched this before we started. What's so funny about that is they panned it so hard. They do have legitimate points like this baby should actually be a character, not just a prop that smiles and laughs and things like that. There should be consequences.

[00:04:54]They should be trying to There should be more about taking care of it through the narrative. And it should have be maybe a little shorter. But then they go right into reviewing Jack's back and they're acting like it's the best movie ever.

[00:05:05]That is a stinker.

[00:05:07]>> Horrible.

[00:05:08]>> Jack's back directed by Roadouses Rowdy Harington. Yeah, I remember that [ __ ] >> Uh, from the IMDb, FYI, according to uh Prescuits and some subsequent novels, the two dragon was named Eorisk, a reference to the movie critics Jean Cisll and Roger Eert. The word does not occur in the film, but it made it into some reviews. Eert himself wasn't aware and gave a mixed two and a half star review, but he called the dragon well done. So, there you go. Haha. But wait, so but wait a second. So who who has the beef and over what is it? George. Did they not like Empire Strikes Back or something?

[00:05:43]>> Something maybe a little something like that.

[00:05:45]>> The guy gets pissed about anything.

[00:05:47]>> Well, I mean, it was coming off the heels of Howard the Duck. And I'm sure they were vicious today.

[00:05:51]>> Oh, sure. But who wouldn't be? There's duck tits in that. Come on now.

[00:05:57]>> Who who wouldn't be who would who would dare burmer something with duct tits?

[00:06:01]Good point. I I I I'm I'm actually other side of it. But yeah, sure. Fine. Yeah.

[00:06:06]Even a pervert. Fern.

[00:06:08]>> Oh, you know, if I if you if you guys are done with that duck puppet, I'm just going to take it home for for my collection, you see.

[00:06:15]>> Oh, yeah. I collect a lot of stuff from my movies. I got a little Ewok costume.

[00:06:20]I've got the sexy duck the duck costume.

[00:06:23]>> No, I'm not plucking it plucking it in my bedroom at night.

[00:06:26]>> It's staying in the bed. I I want you to understand that the the the duct tits have to be in the bed with me.

[00:06:33]>> I'm titty plucking. Oh yeah.

[00:06:38]>> Right between the feathery valley.

[00:06:40]>> Oh my god. And now I'm just seeing him from behind. Obviously plaid shirt on.

[00:06:44]He keeps the shirt on during sex. I think >> has every time he's had sexual intercourse, George Lucas has left his shirt on. Guaranteed.

[00:06:51]>> And then a bunch of little feathers flying as he humps this thing's chest.

[00:06:54]Right. Like like like you're messing up a pillow. Oh lord. Speaking of uh Howard the Duck, by the way, I saw someone on our Patreon, one of our Patreon chats saying that the guy who played Howard the Duck passed away uh a few days ago, I think yesterday. And the dude was about to say, "Rest in peace." This dude also played uh Chucky in the first child's play.

[00:07:18]>> Okay.

[00:07:18]>> Among other things. But apparently though, that dude uh if you look on his [ __ ] IMDb page under trivia for this guy, someone's already, we're recording this folks, I should say May the 28th. I believe this dude died on May the 27th.

[00:07:33]Someone already updated his IMDb to say that at the time of his death, this guy who entertained children for decades >> was under investigation still for soliciting sex from many minors. Is that right? Many. This is allegedly.

[00:07:50]>> It's allegedly. It's allegedly, but it's an ongoing investigation, though. It sounds like it, >> which we'll be digging into in our five-part series. We're pivoting to true crime cuz that's what pays the bills.

[00:08:00]>> That's right. The hater sex crimes of Howard the Duck. Hi. We're here to see uh Mr. Lucas. Yeah. No, leave it running. We want to get some of the office tone. Yeah. Leave it running.

[00:08:08]Yeah. We're here to talk about Howard the Duck sex crimes. And >> they're asking us to leave. Can you believe it? Can you believe it? They're hiding something. They're hiding something.

[00:08:15]>> What are you doing with that gun? Stop it. Stop it now. Stop doing that. I don't know why they didn't just If you're going to go that far with it, if Kale's going to be the general and you got an Eertus skill thing going on here, you got to get a an evil [ __ ] witch named Saras.

[00:08:31]>> You got to get a [ __ ] a a a horse uh like a big evil horse named Rex Reedus.

[00:08:38]>> Um like who's who?

[00:08:41]>> And then a big mustachioed monster to play. Uh, what was that guy's name?

[00:08:46]>> Jean Shaton.

[00:08:47]>> Shallot. Yes. Shalloton. There it is.

[00:08:49]>> I will say this is my FIRST TIME THROUGH.

[00:08:52]>> HOPE I'M IN. NO, >> it's just okay. I don't know. Like I like it's it's certainly for kids and I certainly should have. If I had nostalgia, I' I'd feel differently about it. It just it I think there's a difference between >> fantasy, which I do like, and fairy tales, which I'm not so And I think this this one skews a little fairy tale.

[00:09:14]because of the prophecy. You think?

[00:09:16]>> I think it's because the witch is just so like under whatever. Like she's just evil witch.

[00:09:22]>> She's got that uh that like Snow White vibes of that evil witch type thing.

[00:09:27]>> Well, it's that vague. It's the vague I just want to hold on to power. It's the same thing as the evil witch in that [ __ ] Ewoks movie.

[00:09:33]>> Cuz I mean like Star Wars, you know what I mean? Obviously, not to compare this to Star Wars, but you know, it's George Lucas, so it's fair. It had like a grungy7sness to it and like the Empire sort of made and I'm only talking about Star Wars 77, not like the whole [ __ ] Enterprise, you know? Like that movie had a grungy 70ness to it. Like the whatever the Empire was at that time had a like a it it was a it had a some some kind of a statement that made some sense. You know what I mean? Like Kenobi had like a backstory that was >> it was commenting on themes at the time.

[00:10:01]You mean?

[00:10:02]>> Yes. This is just sort of like very surface level. I don't need even the statement. I need like just like story that matters me. You got two hours here to fill. You can't you can't have a scene between Kale and the witch where they're like we find out what their dynamic is even other than like go get them. Okay, go get them.

[00:10:21]>> It is very one-sided. And when I would go to like >> like when they would have one of those scenes, right, I would go to like make a note like, "All right, be prepared to mark down an interesting thing that happens in this scene." Oh. Oh. And then it just like it would cut away and I was like, "Oh, well, nothing to be done about that. Go get the baby. Just go stop. Go get the baby."

[00:10:39]>> That's your kids movie thing, right?

[00:10:41]Like it's so like >> Mad Martigans is fun. Rogue, that's all we need to know. Let's just keep going.

[00:10:48]And but, you know, I kind of wish it kept going. We do get stalled time and time again. The Brownies are annoying.

[00:10:55]As a kid, I would have defended them though because I remember them actually being funny as a when when you're nine years old and like 1990 folks, it's a different story.

[00:11:04]>> But then you realize as as a 40-year-old man, you're watching it and Kevin Pollock's doing the like voice and you're like, "Oh man."

[00:11:14]>> Yes. And by the way, correct the record.

[00:11:15]Oh my god. People are going to yell at me because I got this wrong. I was not nine in 1990. I was what? Oh no, don't make me do math. in 90 92 I would have been nine.

[00:11:25]>> Yeah. Yeah. You'd be seven. Yeah. There we go.

[00:11:27]>> Thank you guys. Thank you. Uh and also like >> we should say you should uh please be sure to like and subscribe for this episode specifically because if this falls below a certain threshold, we're going to have to remove it from the internet entirely. Uh because I don't want to pay Chris royalties is what?

[00:11:42]Yeah. Just it'll just be even though we we spent millions of dollars on this, millions upon millions of dollars and people did like it. We're just going to rip it. I'm talking about Disney Plus obviously. Yes. Willow the TV show. Yes.

[00:11:54]>> Who are we? I mean like without you know our principles though. I have to I have to stand by them.

[00:11:58]>> I guess cuz it was underwatched. People didn't really care. Um >> but to just take it off entirely >> that is when when we see the other stuff you're leaving on there.

[00:12:08]>> And I I read it was it was about residuals. It was like if we keep it on there then we have to pay people.

[00:12:12]>> Got to pay the actors. Oh sure. Yeah. So yeah [ __ ] all those people over.

[00:12:16]>> I've I I mean is is Gil Gilroy was involved in that one too, right? Is he dipping his hand in that one as well?

[00:12:23]>> I didn't think so.

[00:12:24]>> Okay. Cuz I was going to say it might be just a thing like I can't write Tony Gilroy another check. Okay. I can't do it. It's been >> Yeah, he doesn't seem to be involved.

[00:12:33]>> Did um No, he's not involved. Okay.

[00:12:35]>> Did Did uh did Warick come back for the show?

[00:12:39]>> [ __ ] Kevin Pollock came back for this.

[00:12:42]>> That's what I wanted to hear.

[00:12:44]>> But we should start with I mean this that's what makes this movie. I mean him and Kilmer obviously, but >> Kilmer, we should say Kilmer passing is like one of the reasons we added this to Totally Cool Awesome8s July >> and June, excuse me, >> is absolutely charming and super fun in this movie and keeps you engaged and you root for him and all the good stuff you want to do for a hero of this kind of a a film and like he's not in a silly costume. It's just the dude. He's he's wearing a fun cape and he's just going through it.

[00:13:12]>> Isn't that great? Like he can he can just be a dude and he's not like he doesn't have like A BIG FAKE LONG nose or something >> or a tail or god knows what else we're going to do to him.

[00:13:22]>> Yeah. You know, anything to make him otherred in that way. Like he's just being himself and he's got a you know >> a believable costume on for this world that we're in here. Uh we should say at the start, Eric, you brought up the the scroll. I do love so like yes of course it's a kids movie but it is amazing that the scroll basically starts with oh this queen uh heard this prophecy where like a magic baby was going to dethrone her so she rounded up all the pregnant pregnant women in her kingdom and was having the children sumearily executed one by one in case it was LIKE >> THAT'S A WILD THING to start this movie with.

[00:14:00]>> Sounds reasonable to me.

[00:14:02]>> Yeah. And it the the prison looks a lot like the prison from the beginning of Robin and Prince of Thieves. I expected >> to see Morgan Freeman in there. You know >> that baby's got the magic birth.

[00:14:14]>> Better movie. I'm going to take that baby out of here now.

[00:14:17]>> Thank you. Yes. I mean, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. I do like that. Was a previous episode. I still like this, but I I I agree with you, Steve. That Kevin Cosner touch, >> it is very funny. So, like, uh, this woman has her baby and it bears the the sacred mark and she tells this midwife midwife like, "Yo, get this [ __ ] [ __ ] out of here. Put that [ __ ] down. Get the [ __ ] out of here. You know, the queen's coming or whatever." And I love that it's like you assume like, "Okay, maybe she'll like >> do like just the Moses and the Reeds River thing or something like that and that would be it." But it is hysterical that this old woman goes on this just she's walking across [ __ ] snowcovered mountains. Like she is the first of many times in this movie we are doing some serious Lord of the Rings walking. Oh yes.

[00:14:59]>> But it is just hilarious that this mother is like quick get her out of here and then that turns into like a three-w weekek journey it looks like. And yeah the Lord of the Rings is definitely an influencer obviously pre this is pre when those I mean obviously the back she was out or whatever but like before those Yeah.

[00:15:16]before that that book became movie and like >> Willow is kind of like a hobbit.

[00:15:21]>> It's the Shire. Let's >> How much are the rights? What are you What >> I mean that's why you should delete it off of Disney Plus. We don't want to get sued by uh [ __ ] seriously >> JRR JRR.

[00:15:34]>> They are they're into it's a movie. I think it's a really smart thing cuz at the time you got to remember this is around like when uh uh the the Look Who's movies are coming out. Babies are big. Babies are real big in the 80s and the 90s. And I think they were like, "Hey, we got we got little people, we've got babies, and we've got little little guys, too. We got all THE LITTLE GUYS.

[00:15:58]EVERY KIND OF LITTLE GUY you could think of, we got it."

[00:16:00]>> There are there was a huge like fantasy craze as well, like not not only with Conan and the Barbarians and stuff, but Lady Hawk by uh Big Dick Donner there, which was a really worse movie than this, I guess. Well, I mean, a lot of those 80s a lot of the '8s fantasy stuff is just not very great. Like, Legend isn't very good.

[00:16:19]>> Is great.

[00:16:20]>> Crawl's great. Legend is a movie though that I often mixed up with this movie, but Legend was one that was famously like my mom rented it one time and was watching it like after we went to bed like with my dad or a friend was over or something and I went out to go to the bathroom and just like happened to, you know, look into the living room at the TV and it was right at a shot of like Tim Curry as the big devil monster and it terrified me. I had no idea what it was and I was literally living in Atoria when I finally sat down to watch Legend and I was like, "OH [ __ ] IT'S THAT MOVIE." Like I was totally blown away and then was also like, "Oh, but that also isn't Willow." Weird. So now there's two movies. Yeah, >> it's the Big Devil movie. I I was going to say it would be hilarious. And I I know your dad I I've I've spent quite a lot of time with him. I would laugh my ass off if it turned out like you were sneaking out and you looked and like your dad was like pumped for Willow was just like he's like he's coming back to the show. HE'S LIKE HELL YEAH. HELL YEAH.

[00:17:23]>> GET HIM IN THERE. WILLOW, HE'S A GODDAMN HERO. You get your Bobbit. You get your Bob K. Yeah.

[00:17:30]>> Yeah.

[00:17:30]>> It's also confusing because one movie stars Maverick and the other movie stars Iceman. Yes, also that >> and you also have obviously a big thing looming over this only was but it was a year earlier so it's probably made at the same time but Princess Bride is very >> in this world you know what I mean >> which I saw mentioned in reviews regarding this and they're right like Princess Bride does more with way less money and technical stuff and it feels >> it it just has a better feel to it than this movie. This movie does get bogged down. It does because it's it's I think yeah it's just missing something like I I think maybe it's just having a stronger villain or having like real stakes. A lot of the castles and and lands start to look very similar. Yes.

[00:18:12]In the back half like when we get to the big princess dark world castle you there's some cool skull there's piles of skulls which of course I appreciate those but you know I want something maybe a fire pit something. You know let's let's it up a little bit.

[00:18:26]>> Show the difference of kingdoms perhaps.

[00:18:28]What's crazy at the end is we're rushing to end the movie and thank you by the way, but >> you're at TZ and then we're like, "Oh no, they got her. We got to go to their castle." Which in by this time in the movie, you're going forever on this journey. But here it's like it feels like it's across the street.

[00:18:46]>> It does.

[00:18:46]>> I mean, it's too little too late. I mean, at that point, like I'm just like, yeah, I if you want to do this the right way, this would have been only 90 minutes and like it would have been like more fights. I think that's kind of my issue is there's a lot of like adventuring stuff happening at all times, but there's not enough of like hand-tohand fights between characters.

[00:19:05]>> The fights are good, too. Like the fight I think is a highlight.

[00:19:09]>> It takes a while for Val Kilmer to get going because you've got your bad improv scene thing of like I don't want to be here. Okay. Yeah. Well, let you know what I mean? Like I don't want to talk to you. And like that takes a while.

[00:19:19]Like when we meet Mad Martigan at the crossroads and he's stuck in the huge bird cage. That's that is to me >> the first time the movie just stops completely dead. Oh yeah. Cuz that's also where all the dudes are like we don't want to go any farther, Willow, so we're going to go home and go [ __ ] yourself. And like the one guy stays behind. But it's it is that thing of like there's so many people at that moment. Willow, Mad Martigan, the rest of the dudes from the village, they're all arguing about who's going to be in the movie and who is not going to be in the movie. Exactly.

[00:19:48]>> And Burgle Cut should have not gone on this cut. You [ __ ] obnoxious fataliz.

[00:19:53]>> You are a [ __ ] villager, pal. Stick to what you know. You're not going on the road >> is racing home to [ __ ] Willow's wife.

[00:20:00]That is his goal. It's like you stay Well, that's what he's doing in the beginning.

[00:20:05]>> Do you Is that you think Ka's going to CHEAT ON WILL?

[00:20:09]>> I DON'T. BUT SHE'S trying to try. Yes.

[00:20:11]>> And here's And here's this is interesting you say that, Steve, because I was literally just about to say Burgle Cut is the Biff Tannon of this universe.

[00:20:19]And the fact that he'd be going home to try to [ __ ] Willow's wife absolutely fits with the Biff Tannon model.

[00:20:24]>> So basically, we do a Moses rift. This lady, you know, she's she's she runs away from the It takes her a while. She finally finds whatever. They send the dogs after her. Lol to THESE DOGS. OH, >> RAT DOG.

[00:20:37]>> It is just real dogs with like rat tail things put on them. Like they're costumed dogs. I love a good costumed animal.

[00:20:46]>> It's good.

[00:20:46]>> They're dogs and dust till dog makeup basically like like >> we got dog [ __ ] Double dog [ __ ] >> That's the thing is I don't think it's applied like from Dust Dawn. It's like just like they put like ropes over it.

[00:21:01]It's like when I put Marty in a Halloween costume. Like when Marty goes as a hot dog every Halloween or a Ghostbuster. It's just a thing you clasp around them like a horse saddle.

[00:21:11]>> I like Diki [ __ ] right? That's >> Oh, dum, right? That's taller folks.

[00:21:18]Yeah, >> that Joanne Wallally situation. No, so they uh that is Can I say though something >> the Because you're talking about like how they're kind of like hobbits and we have trolls later in the movie. the denki and like whatever the other word is that we have for like the little people. It's it's tough when >> nellins. Yeah. Like it's tough when high fantasy that's that's lifted from nothing. Right. This isn't based on a book or anything. It's just an idea >> and you're using a bunch of fake names but there's no >> grounding for what those things are. So you're trying to figure that out as you go along. Like it's kind of tough.

[00:21:56]>> It is. But I like the world building that it's a way that this feels like a livedin world like realm versus like if we're if we're just using modern terms.

[00:22:06]Although you could have just used I guess dwarf is popular in fantasy >> that would have done I think that would have been fine. But like you know it it's fine the way it is. I just you know what I thought of just now what I think it would really have helped here. I need some map cutaways. M.

[00:22:20]>> Oh, I would love >> I I I need to see where everything is cuz that's kind of an issue is I'm like are are is this all like within like five miles of each other?

[00:22:30]>> Yes, I mean that's a good point cuz you never really know exactly where we're voyaging to. It's like go find a Deniki.

[00:22:37]They're down by the river crossroads. I got to go to the crossroads. But then you got like Lord of the Rings and it's like you got a journey to Mordor and that's you got the dread just from building up what Mordor could be and that's this c this black castle we get to. It's like I don't know jack [ __ ] about how bad this kingdom is.

[00:22:56]>> Well again it's a time of great dread and it's like you know obviously we got a scroll at Star Wars. Lucas loves that [ __ ] but like it needs a bit more. It needs to be like the the evil queen has you know uh taken all the lands from this one and that one and Dinis and all the [ __ ] Yes, that's where you put your [ __ ] names in for humans and little people and whatnot, and I can follow the movie easier.

[00:23:18]>> It's a bit better. So, uh, we do a Moses roof. We send this little [ __ ] down the river, right?

[00:23:22]>> Uh, and then, uh, >> we mentioned that old lady got eaten.

[00:23:25]Yeah. Right.

[00:23:26]>> She gets him off the like, go now, little baby. Live your life. And then is sumearily torched by these dogs. such a bad cuz the lady is like the queen evil queen who's is like get me that baby and I WANT THAT WOMAN ALIVE AND IT'S LIKE these dogs are just going to eat every like there's no the dog isn't going to the devil dog isn't going to like put the baby in a bass and cuffs on him yeah I was just going to say Chris like you you wanted to put the [ __ ] the the the woman in handcuffs they're dogs >> they're devil dogs even worse imagine what if if bro if no country for all men Brolan didn't have a gun when he got out of the water, what do you think would have happened? Do you think he would have gotten arrested?

[00:24:07]>> Short movie, man.

[00:24:08]>> Yeah. Well, to defend the devil dogs, they are sort of a scout thing. We do have their troops are following pretty late behind, but they are >> flying monkey types. Uh, >> he's a psychotic devil dog, but sure what I mean.

[00:24:26]>> Through him.

[00:24:27]>> We cut to uh Willow in his home life.

[00:24:29]He's he's a farmer here in his his town and his kids find the baby basket. It bumps up on their shore here on the river and it's like finding a dog.

[00:24:39]They're like, "Oh, daddy, can we keep the baby?" And the Willow's just like, "Oh, >> but you're walking it."

[00:24:46]>> Because his response is, "Yeah, you're you're walking. I'm >> not having a tadiki [ __ ] in my house.

[00:24:52]>> No, no, sir.

[00:24:53]>> Can we keep it?" to which Willow himself responds, "No, we'll push it downream and pretend we never saw it."

[00:24:59]>> That's the move, dude. Keep walking.

[00:25:02]>> But that's none of my business, says Willow.

[00:25:05]>> I think the kids are on to something, though. You raise a [ __ ] Deniki, dude. In this village, suddenly like burgle butts getting his ass kicked.

[00:25:13]Absolutely.

[00:25:14]>> You got the best crop yield. This is a a workhorse if I ever seen one.

[00:25:18]>> Excuse me. Are you harassing my small father? This is this huge girl.

[00:25:24]>> Yeah. Yes. I'm a 14-year-old girl and I'm going to murder you.

[00:25:27]>> Uh, so he's bitching to Willow. He's like, "Oh, you owe me all this money for these seeds I gave you or whatever." And Willow's like, >> "Oh, well, don't worry about it. I used magic to plant it." And like >> if someone owes me money and then like part of their excuse has to do with like, "Well, magic was a part of it."

[00:25:45]I'm kind of with Burgle Cut right here.

[00:25:47]Like I want to break your knees. Like that's You're full of [ __ ] That's annoying if there's just some like it's confirmed there is some magic in the world, but like >> yes, >> like you got [ __ ] all over the world being like, "Well, it it was magic."

[00:26:02]>> No, it's like like it's not confirmed.

[00:26:05]You don't have a class of it or anything. You could just every once in a while be like, "Oh, that thing that you think I did, no, that was magic."

[00:26:10]>> I would do the same thing though, like if I was, you know, a scoundrel like I am back in the fantasy days, which were real. And >> yeah, I know there's magic around. I'm using it for everything. Magic ate my homework.

[00:26:22]>> Exactly. It's the grand tradition of lying to your boss about whatever. Oh, sorry. I can't come in. Magic. Uh, you know, I got turned into a toad. I'll see you on Monday.

[00:26:32]>> My butt's acting up again. See you later.

[00:26:34]>> What?

[00:26:35]>> Quick question about Burgle Cut really quick. Sure.

[00:26:37]>> Great looking dude. He's got the the Hulk Hogan skull.

[00:26:41]>> Yes.

[00:26:41]>> Did he grow this out for the film or was this Burgle Cut on a Saturday the actor on a Saturday night? Cuz it was 88. this was kind of like going on a little bit.

[00:26:50]>> I would like to think that this actor had some dignity and he didn't actually have that haircut.

[00:26:54]>> You know what I'll say? Maybe a a nice little ponytail in the back, right?

[00:26:59]Like, >> oh yes, Saturday night ponytail going to the pub with that pony.

[00:27:04]>> I think Steve might be the only one who understands this reference, but if you got burgle cut in like a suit and tie and then you you tied that skulllet into a ponytail, he would look like professional wrestling's Paul Heyaymon.

[00:27:17]Yes, he would. Oh, yeah.

[00:27:19]>> Oh, Paul Hey's been brought up on this show.

[00:27:22]Yeah, I I can remember played by Mark Northover. RIP. But yes, I I can't find a good picture of him on the Yeah, >> I think it's I think it's I think it's a I think he's got like a a butterball. Uh look, I I think it's all all bald like uh and that's why they put it on for him.

[00:27:40]>> I just I don't know, man. Going out in the pub like that with the [ __ ] skull, you know what I mean? wearing like a dep mode t-shirt in 88.

[00:27:48]>> That's pretty cool, man.

[00:27:50]>> Yeah, he's got just getting laid left and right.

[00:27:53]>> I was just in Willow. I have one of the first cell phones to ever exist.

[00:27:58]>> It's in a leather case on Yeah. Uh, of course.

[00:28:01]>> Should I call you master or servant? You want to do some blow with me in the bathroom? It's from my Willow money. I I have some good George Lo Lucas stories.

[00:28:10]Come in the bathroom. I'll tell you. Be uh you can call me Burgle Cut. It's not going to bother me.

[00:28:14]>> Oh, wow. He was also in Hardware, by the way.

[00:28:17]>> Oo, interesting movie. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:28:20]>> Uh, not really, but great film. Uh, but so yeah, he >> weird movie.

[00:28:23]>> Burger Cut is like, yeah, you know, uh, they bring the kid back and like his wife Ka is like, you know, we she wants to keep the kid >> and, you know, Willow's upset because tomorrow is his big day as he calls it.

[00:28:34]You know, it's a big day.

[00:28:36]>> I'm gonna be pointed at tomorrow. Okay, I'm going to Hey, I got to play Guess the [ __ ] Finger in town and that's after I do a magic show.

[00:28:44]>> Yeah, daddy needs his sleep cuz he's got a magic show right into Guess the Finger. It's going to be a huge day.

[00:28:52]It's like some village celebrate like a festival that's happening and Willow's gig is doing close-up slight of hand magic. What's what I think what separate se separates bigger cut obviously my favorite character from Biff Tannon sure >> is at the festival he's having a good time he's not making an ass out of himself he's [ __ ] three sheets to the wind like he's laughing when you know like he thinks that uh when uh Willow's trick eventually [ __ ] up but he's kind of enjoying it at first >> he's sort of impressed for like the log fire stick and then when the pig initially disappears he's like whoa maybe I got this guy pegged wrong but then he's like ah that [ __ ] [ __ ] idiot.

[00:29:31]>> Of course, it was all >> He's not a lost cause. He's not a lo There's something.

[00:29:36]>> Look, uh, you know, I mean, this is like a a a land with no god, so I don't know if these these people have souls in this movie, but like he's got a he's got a heart he's got a heartbeat. He's got blood coursing through his veins. Like, you see a magic trick fail and the magician falls on his face, like, you got to laugh at that. I'm not going to hold that against him.

[00:29:58]>> No, definitely not. Um, >> you know, he's on his 12th mug of me around drinking.

[00:30:04]>> If I've got no soul and there's no God, I'm on my 13th mug of me.

[00:30:08]>> That's what I've been doing, dude. 13 cups of meat at night.

[00:30:12]>> Ever since I stopped being a practicing Catholic.

[00:30:15]>> That is so much disgusting me. I so disgusting. But yeah, >> I really do.

[00:30:20]>> But yeah, it's it's the big festival and it's, you know, credit to this movie.

[00:30:23]It's all little people actors. You know what I mean? not anything like it's just >> they're not I mean you couldn't do it at the time but yeah I mean I couldn't help but think about that deplorable [ __ ] Snow White movie where it's all just like computer little people or whatever was going on there >> so nasty >> absolutely grotes too is they're just people they have their own society it is what it is you know what I mean like [ __ ] rules it sounds it sounds like the band is covering Paul Simon's Graceand >> it's sounding pretty good out there I got to tell you I would be dancing >> great cast of of little people do. Tony Cox is in this movie.

[00:30:57]>> Yes, Tony Cox.

[00:30:58]>> He's there.

[00:30:59]>> Uh, so Willow's whole thing, we've been joking about Guess the Finger, but the whole thing is he is hoping that he will be selected to be the apprentice of like the high priest of the village who does apparently control some kind of magic.

[00:31:11]And if he becomes the apprentice, he can really learn how to become a sorcerer.

[00:31:15]Like he really wants to, you know, leave all the farming behind, just live off the sorcery, >> you know?

[00:31:20]>> And uh he it is a guess the finger thing. And like the first two the first two guys don't get it right. Then the third one it's Willow and oops. But he Yeah, he just doesn't get that right finger, dude.

[00:31:33]>> He he knows their answer, but he doesn't do it. We find this out later. He's he he's got a kind of good relationship with what do does anybody remember the name of the head sorcerer?

[00:31:42]>> The elder here.

[00:31:43]>> The elder Billy Barty is Billy.

[00:31:47]Oh, high I think they call he's the high allwin of I'll be getting high all win tonight.

[00:31:54]>> Oh, dude. Yeah, I was watching Willow at like 9:00 this morning and I had to resist unfortunately.

[00:31:59]>> Did you Did you tell me Joe Alwin's in this?

[00:32:02]>> Yeah. And uh you know I mean just quickly while we're in the actors Pat Roach as Kale you might know him as the Nazi that gets punched in to the fan in Raiders. Gavin Ourle as Eric spelled in a weird way. I love that, >> dude. I think Eric, I gotta say, man, this A I RK, I think you got to adopt that, dude. I think it's pretty badass.

[00:32:22]>> I think I'm switching, especially after they're going to name this sneaker after me, so I'll have to adopt it.

[00:32:28]>> Uh, but yeah, these hopefuls all line up and, you know, they all fail and whatever. I do love like, >> well, there will be no apprentice this year because no one pulled my finger.

[00:32:38]Well, glad we had a huge festival about this, but I will fart for you. Here we go.

[00:32:45]>> But oh, here come the devil dogs. And they are looking to rip a baby to part to pieces is what they're looking to do.

[00:32:51]I'm surprised that any of these >> poor Alwins didn't [ __ ] get got there, right? There should be a body count here. Like if one or two people get ripped up, suddenly it's like this village needs to mobilize.

[00:33:03]>> Mhm. Absolutely.

[00:33:05]Uh, but it is great because they are like the devil dogs are running around to all these cribs like sniffing them like cradles and whatnot and someone just goes, "It was looking for someone's baby."

[00:33:17]>> But Willow runs home cuz when when he hears someone scream that, he thinks about Ka, runs home. Ka's totally fine, but he's like, "Listen, we cannot keep this baby. We got these [ __ ] devil dogs coming into town causing trouble over it. We got to put this thing back in the river. I'M NOT I'M NOT GETTING killed over some Deniki piece of trash.

[00:33:35]>> No way.

[00:33:35]>> Just busts in the door and is like, "Kai, we have to kill the baby. We have to kill the baby right now. The baby has got to go away right now. Let's get Do you have a Do you have a bo do you have a boiling pot? We can just put it in the pot. Let's kill it."

[00:33:45]>> A lobster. Yeah.

[00:33:46]>> Let's just get rid of it.

[00:33:47]>> He runs back and Ka's flushed the baby IN THE TOILET. WHAT' YOU DO? WE NEEDED THAT, KA.

[00:33:54]>> The FBI dogs were at the door.

[00:33:57]>> I'm sorry. $40,000 worth of baby you flushed.

[00:34:01]>> It's pure Deniki uncut.

[00:34:03]>> And you invented flushing?

[00:34:07]>> Yeah. Yeah. No, no bathing in this movie. That's damn sure.

[00:34:11]>> No, it's going in a pot. The the [ __ ] is going in a pot. That's where it's going.

[00:34:15]>> It's a fun little scene when like I mean this is our Gandalf get the fellowship together scene again. Mr. Lucas read that book uh in case you're wondering.

[00:34:24]>> Just call him the village council instead.

[00:34:28]Hey, I don't know. Maybe. Listen, that guy's dead anyway. So, what's he gonna do?

[00:34:32]>> I have I have a great idea for guys. I I I know we got all excited. Star Wars. I have the next great fantasy. Lord of the Babies, >> and it will be about a holy baby that you will have to chuck into a fire eventually. Oh, >> and one baby to rule them all.

[00:34:52]>> You chuck into the fire. George, how much money do you want right now?

[00:34:57]>> I do like the like the the bit where it's like, you know, you know, Willow comes comes clean about the whole situation and the village elder is like, "Well, somebody's got to take this baby to the dikini and like just the first one you see. Just shove it at them.

[00:35:10]Can't be our problem. Do you have love for this baby, so you got to do it."

[00:35:14]Which is nice.

[00:35:15]>> But this is like they're trying to figure out like who's going to lead the party or whatever. And this is because of wanting to screw Willow's wife.

[00:35:22]Burger Cut's like I NOMINATE WILLOW. HE SHOULD DEFINITELY BE gone for weeks at a time.

[00:35:27]>> It's like the Finders keepers rule. Like he picked it out of the [ __ ] river, man. He's got to go put it back in the Deniki store or whatever.

[00:35:34]>> Hey dude, I'll keep Kai warm for you. No problem. Burgle cut. Okay. Burgle cut.

[00:35:39]YOU'LL BE THE LEADER. [ __ ] [ __ ] >> YEAH. I'll stay back here. I'll burgle some butt. Yeah. Burgle cut.

[00:35:47]>> There's that joke like, "Oh, this guy's like the greatest warrior in the village. We can't have him go on the thing. He needs to be here to defend the village. But when Burgle cut is assigned to go, he's like, "This guy needs to come."

[00:35:57]>> Of course.

[00:35:58]>> Thoncar. Yeah.

[00:35:59]>> Which is a bummer. I They say he's the greatest warrior. I want to see this dude cut somebody's head off. You know what I mean? Like >> it's just a bunch of cowards. Like, as it turns out, Willow's the only brave one in the village.

[00:36:09]>> There was a brief shot of all those guys like all these uh new Will, whatever they're called, uh stabbing those dogs.

[00:36:16]So that >> That's right. They do really really make short work of these dogs. That's true.

[00:36:22]>> There's Phil Vonero vonero as von carr and Tony Cox them as like the bad asses.

[00:36:28]I would love to just watch them on one or two scrapes. You know, >> we covered a movie of his recently, Land of the Dead. I think he was the guy to shoot, right? The guy.

[00:36:37]>> I do like him.

[00:36:38]>> Yeah. And then there's uh who's it?

[00:36:40]Migosh is like kind of your Sam Wise Gamji like very much so. Like he's like I'm going with Willow cuz I I believe in him when we're best friends. Yeah.

[00:36:50]>> Yes. Huh? The only decent guy in the village that's not trying to [ __ ] Kaio.

[00:36:55]>> Thank God for that.

[00:36:56]>> Other while they're walking like, "Dude, you know, Burg wants to [ __ ] your wife."

[00:36:59]What? No, he doesn't. Yeah. No, he really does. That's the whole point.

[00:37:01]Wants to [ __ ] everyone's wife. I mean, what the [ __ ] >> He's all talk. No one's [ __ ] anybody with that scullet. Did you see that guy?

[00:37:08]That's why he's called Burglecock.

[00:37:13]>> But Alwin is like, "Hey, you know, try trying to give Willow some confidence here." Like, you got what it takes. Let me ask you, you seemed a little fuzzy when we were doing the pull my finger bit. Like, what did you really want to say? And he was like, I wanted to say that the real finger for magic is my own. And he was like, that's right. You should always go with your first instinct, Willow. You know, >> remember that when we do the next one next year, okay? Cuz I can't just not have a [ __ ] protetéé.

[00:37:41]>> Exactly. The apprentice The apprenticeship is dead for a whole year now, Willow. Thanks to you.

[00:37:46]>> Who else is going to learn to read bones around here? It's true. And also, that's a good tip for the SATs, too. Your most likely your first instinct is the correct one. It's true. It is true.

[00:37:56]>> And don't be afraid to take that test multiple times.

[00:37:59]>> Absolutely.

[00:37:59]>> No, it it happens.

[00:38:03]>> Uh, not for me. One and done.

[00:38:05]>> Wow, look at you. We're [ __ ] genius over here.

[00:38:08]>> N I just didn't really care.

[00:38:10]>> Uh, when you know when you know you're going to a state art school, you're like, what the [ __ ] Who cares?

[00:38:16]>> Exactly. That was like when I failed trig twice and I went up to the guidance counselor and I was like, "Look, man.

[00:38:21]I'm going to college for [ __ ] watching movies. Do I need to do I need this math class to graduate?" And he was like, "No, you don't." And I was like, "Goodbye."

[00:38:29]That That was the end of that. Also, Willow, because you had the right instinct and I know you someday can be a true sorcerer.

[00:38:36]>> Here's some shitty magic acorns that actually aren't going to really work in the movie at all.

[00:38:42]>> They do work. It's Yeah, they work. It's just that he he the the one time it works for real, it's on something he doesn't need to work on. He drops it on a >> floorboard. And it's cool. It's a cool idea. I like seeing that established the stone floorboard. Ooh, what is this going to do later? Turns out nothing.

[00:38:59]But >> the other one, it takes the most powerful witch in the world to make it not work.

[00:39:05]>> Yeah, she like it does what it's supposed to do.

[00:39:07]>> Yeah. I mean, but that's like it's that's I don't know if I I just want to see one person [ __ ] turn to stone.

[00:39:14]All right. And this movie robs me of that twice.

[00:39:17]>> That's true. You know, a Kale should have turned to stone. It'd be cool to see that guy as a statue.

[00:39:21]>> I mean, he he would have made a good statue. Absolutely.

[00:39:24]>> Uh so they're they're on their little journey. Yes. Uh we cut back. Also, the the queen is like, "Hey, uh the queen's daughter, played by Joe and Wall-E, is what's her name there? Shora Sora."

[00:39:37]Yeah, Sora wrote it.

[00:39:38]>> They wanted to be I kept wanting it to say Cersea, but the Sorsa, they got that O in there.

[00:39:43]>> So Sora is like, I'm gonna find it. And it's like, hey, bring this big Darth Vader looking [ __ ] Oh, did I say that out loud? Oh, this guy that is big and scary uh in a cool mask is going to follow you. Be your number two. And this other guy like who's got no job other than to say, you know, your daughter's going to betray you one day.

[00:40:00]And she's like, no, she's not.

[00:40:02]>> YES, DUDE. THAT'S NOT SAYING THAT. THIS advisor or whatever and she's like, "Excuse me, Peter. I trust her more than I trust uh you." She says to this dude, >> "Well, you know, I'm like one of the seers. I kind of wrote that scroll.

[00:40:16]>> I told you about the baby." Like, come on.

[00:40:19]>> It just makes sense in the third act.

[00:40:20]That's whatever. You're good. You're good. It's fine.

[00:40:23]>> Uh so, we get some Lord of the Rings walking and that brings us to the crossroads. Our intrepid party gets to the crossroads. Love a good look right here. A little Skellington action when we get there. There's a skeleton like in one of these bird cages or whatever. Uh, and then they're like, "All right, we're going to set up camp here." Wait for the dikini to come through. And this is where we meet the unfortunately late but always great Val Kilmer as Mad Martigan.

[00:40:48]All one word, which I just learned today.

[00:40:50]>> Yeah. Weird. A little weird.

[00:40:52]>> Uh, he is Yeah. He's in a He's in a crow's cage or what they call it.

[00:40:56]Basically, it's like he can't get out.

[00:40:58]He's thirsty for water. He's also got I guess between this scene and when he goes to the brothel, he gets a teeth whitening procedure. Did anyone else notice this? Like >> it's explained in world. Go ahead.

[00:41:08]>> It is. No, because there's a shot later where you literally see Mad Migan wiping his teeth like with a rag.

[00:41:17]>> Okay. All right.

[00:41:18]>> He brushes. He invented dentistry >> cuz he's looking like, "Hey, man.

[00:41:23]Whatever you want me to [ __ ] man. I just need something."

[00:41:27]>> That was two months ago. Yeah, that was like he he had given up by now.

[00:41:31]>> Now he wants that water. Water.

[00:41:34]>> Give me some water, you measly little pecs. I like the slur of pecs being throughout this movie. I think it adds flavor.

[00:41:42]>> It does. And it's a madeup one. That's what you want. You know what I mean? You want to make one up.

[00:41:46]>> My favorite shot is when the host of the the army goes by, this giant host goes by, right? The all these troops and the one leading guy is just like, "H, out of my way, you little pecs."

[00:41:57]>> Yeah.

[00:41:59]He's got his hand up and he's going out of the way. Pex.

[00:42:02]>> Well, originally in the script I suggested they called him peckerwoods, but it didn't really go through. So, Pex it is. They said it made me sound like an old man using the peckerwood. And as if I was obsessed with old things, huh?

[00:42:17]>> Uh, Burgle Cut is like, "Listen, we said we would give it to the first Dikini we see. This is the first one we see.

[00:42:22]That's it." So, what if he's in a cage and he's [ __ ] reaching out at us like a criminal in insane asylum?

[00:42:27]>> He's like, "Well, I'm going to go home and [ __ ] your wife, Will." He's like, "What's that?" No, I'm just going to go home to your to the land and make sure you're He even says, it's a very uh telling phrase. He's like, "Listen, Willow, while you're here, no one is plowing your fields." And I'm like, "I know exactly what we're talking about. I know exactly what we're talking about."

[00:42:44]>> Wow. I never really put that together.

[00:42:46]Wow. And you know, Willow, me, Burgle Cut hates seeing an unplowed field.

[00:42:54]Something about it just makes me want to plow it as soon as I see it.

[00:42:57]>> I I I have to be the first in line. No, no, no. I'm sorry. When we're coming when we're going back, I have to be the first one in the line. Everybody else has to be behind me. I have to.

[00:43:05]>> And remember, Willow is dead. Okay, that's He died. He got shot with with an arrow. He's dead. He's never coming back.

[00:43:11]>> Burglar's really rolling the dice on Willow actually dying on the adventure, though. I was valiantly trying to save him. My new and I had gotten over my bias that we all know about and was actually his friend now. No. Shut up, Jerry. That's what happened.

[00:43:28]>> And this scene goes on a little long when they're debating Burger Cut. You know, I got to go or whatever.

[00:43:33]>> Who's going to be in the movie? This is what we're we're arguing over who's going to be in the movie.

[00:43:36]>> Val Kilmer is very funny here. You know, Burger Cut, don't let him talk to you that way. And then the whole exchange with the acorn. Don't I'm really scared.

[00:43:44]There's a peck with a hair with an acorn pointed at me.

[00:43:47]>> That's awesome. Yeah. I forgot how funny he is in this movie.

[00:43:51]>> Yes.

[00:43:52]>> Oh yeah.

[00:43:52]>> Um funny in general. Like I mean that's the thing is like >> the ability to have the range to do like real genius heat this >> top gun the doors entourage all of these things.

[00:44:06]>> Uh >> did he play himself on entourage?

[00:44:08]>> No. He play Well, no. I think he's he's like a weed guy. Uh, weird.

[00:44:14]>> The first or second episode. He's got a huge beard.

[00:44:17]>> I just looked it up. The weed sherpa is what?

[00:44:20]>> Oh, wait. The first or second episode of Entourage.

[00:44:23]>> It's very early on that I've seen it.

[00:44:25]Wow, that's weird.

[00:44:26]>> Yes, it's in season one anyway.

[00:44:28]>> They do. Okay. And that I which I I've never the War Davis show with Ricky Trave which I've never watched. There's a clip going around when Kilmer passed of like him and that and it's a very f just do War Davis Val Kilmer. Uh I think it's Life's Too Short or something is the name of the show or something like that.

[00:44:45]>> Yes. Yes. Uh >> it's that's really it's him having a sense of humor about Batman, which I think is really great.

[00:44:51]>> Yeah, it's very funny. So, but look, you know, he's very funny in this uh eventually they leave and his friend there, Migosh, is the one that lets him out. Migosh is a guy that just gets fall falls right off the page. He leaves the movie and he is gone from the movie.

[00:45:05]It's a weird like it's I feel sorry for Migosh because he's like cool I'm going to be in the movie and then like the next morning >> Willow's like actually you know what Migosh I don't think you should be in the movie you should go home alone the [ __ ] party left the day before they have like a night's head start on you or whatever you go walk home alone now Migosh bad call.

[00:45:28]>> Uh I need someone to look after that field if you know what I mean. Yeah.

[00:45:31]Yeah. Don't want to cloud while I'm on this ride. Just keep an eye out for the plowing. I don't want you to do any plowing either. I want that to be clear.

[00:45:39]I think that's important today. And I also I will if you want to stay. Let's just, you know, let's be fair.

[00:45:46]>> Can you sword fight?

[00:45:48]>> Yeah. Oh, you can't sword fight. Okay.

[00:45:50]Well, then I have to go with Matt. I'm sorry, but Matt Martin's got >> You're not even an amateur s sorcerer like I am. So, you you bring nothing to the table. Your your friendship is [ __ ] Thank you. Which which >> which honestly that's what Froto should have said to Sam at least 15. Like what what has your friendship given me?

[00:46:04]Nothing.

[00:46:04]>> Yeah. No.

[00:46:05]>> What's your big fat friendship could done for me lately?

[00:46:09]>> Oh. Oh, you say potatoes. Funny. That's not enough. I'm sorry.

[00:46:13]>> Uh, so they they see there's a big army coming their way. And again, Willow's very excited. Surely one of these people will take the baby. And this is Gavin O'Harily leading the army here as Eric.

[00:46:26]He's got a a This is what kind of stinks. I want a little more about Eric and Mad Martigan's [ __ ] early days.

[00:46:32]Like what was going on there? Like clearly they're like >> rivals but also like respect each other and it's a little bit of like he gives him [ __ ] and then Mad Martigan gives it right back kind of a deal.

[00:46:44]>> Apparently some whatever town they're from, which again is very illdefined, has just been sacked by the queen uh or whatever. And like they're going >> she's she is like mentioned doing that like >> sort of towards the top of the movie.

[00:46:57]And again, because there's no maps and there's no real information story-wise in that scroll, you have no idea what the [ __ ] she's talking about. And then Gavin Hurley like mentions the same place and you're like, "All right, so you were from there, but I still don't know anything about that place."

[00:47:12]>> And I think even Kale says that when he meets her, when he meets the queen first, he's like, "We just sacked wherever the fuck."

[00:47:19]They're good.

[00:47:20]>> There are some cool Matt paintings throughout this of like landscapes and things. How about one of one of these cities burning or whatever?

[00:47:29]>> Yeah, just cut to some rubble, you know.

[00:47:31]>> Yeah, last rubble, please.

[00:47:33]>> Piles of dead, whatever you want to do.

[00:47:35]>> But yeah, she he uh or Kilbert's still in the cage here and he kind of leaves him. He's like, I always knew you'd die in a crow's cage. And it's like, hey, I want to avenge our town that we're from.

[00:47:45]He's like, no, you're bullshitting. I'm going to leave you leave you alone. Blah blah blah.

[00:47:48]>> He's got an awesome line, though. Mad Martigan says to Eric when he's leaving.

[00:47:52]He goes, "Uh, when I get out of here, I'm going to cut your head off and stick it on a pig pole."

[00:47:57]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:47:59]>> Pretty cool. Pretty cool line here. So, Migosh lets him out. Mad Martigan is like, "Look, I want to take care of this baby. You know, you can't leave me here to die when all I want to do is protect this baby."

[00:48:10]>> And then they basically leave him, right? That's it's kind of funny like the way this kind of goes back and forth because Matt Martigan has the baby.

[00:48:17]>> Yes. And then here comes Rick Overton with on riding a hawk with the baby LIKE I STOLE THE BABY. I'M LIKE, OKAY, >> it's some bad editing here because yeah, actually that's what it is actually.

[00:48:28]Yes, >> Mad Martigan is like Willow, go home and tend your crop. Go [ __ ] your wife. I know what's going on there.

[00:48:34]>> I I I heard uh Mr. Butt uh earlier last night talking about it.

[00:48:39]>> Said he's gonna go home, get a haircut, and [ __ ] your wife. That's what I heard.

[00:48:42]He's gonna get a haircut.

[00:48:43]>> And they're all said, you know, like, oh, they're excited like we're gonna be heroes when we get home, Willow. You know, and then Willow's worrying like, >> "Shit, you know, we gave that baby up to that total stranger that was locked in a cage like a prisoner. Was that really a good idea?" And then it's like Migosh being like, famous last words, right?

[00:48:59]He's like, "Willow, there's nothing to worry about." And then this this hawk flies in and yes, the Drake from Seinfeld is like, "I stole the baby >> and I just want to [ __ ] jump in the ocean." I like the idea of brownies of really tiny people getting up.

[00:49:16]>> Scottish fairy tale dude.

[00:49:18]>> Is that right?

[00:49:19]>> Yeah. Yeah. They're Scottish like uh fairies or imps or whatever.

[00:49:22]>> I think it's cool and it would be cool to see that maybe with uh not being the fully comic relief, but what are you going to >> Well, the problem with comic relief is that it has to be funny and none of this shit's [ __ ] I mean, it's funny to like a [ __ ] 5-year-old. I guess >> it was funny to me when I was >> That's the thing is it it works for kids. Like I think that's it. It it doesn't do anything to try to branch out from kids. It is just kids from the beginning to the end because otherwise, of course, I would love him just Willow just sitting there being like, "Oh man, Burger Butt's going to [ __ ] my wife."

[00:49:55]And just like worrying about that stuff, but it's not it's not quite that. It's It's like, "Let's get going. The >> I'm imagining, you know, Willow comes back for some reason. It's black and white. It's on Pelum Parkway in the Bronx. For some reason, they're they're having Burger Cut and Willow having pasta. You [ __ ] my wife. You [ __ ] my wife. Hey, you [ __ ] my wife.

[00:50:15]>> Get out of here. What are you talking about?

[00:50:18]>> What's funny with the brownies is like I remember liking it as a kid and then I rewatched this. I think it was like a pandemic watch or something and I found it so abrasive. And then watching it again today, I eased up on it a little maybe because I knew what to expect again.

[00:50:32]>> Probably. Well, there's part like the start of it is kind of cool right here cuz they besieged by a lot of them. Yes.

[00:50:38]>> And it becomes like a Guliver's Travels kind of a thing which is is very, you know, funny in its own right when you're looking at the situation.

[00:50:45]>> Well, it's neat because it's like Yeah.

[00:50:47]We're doing size stuff, right? if like yes the the Willow is very small even for he says even for it all when he's small and now he's this giant that compared to these people you know it's like that kind of a deal and that's >> but the problem is I am shown at least 50 of these little [ __ ] attacking these guys with their little arrows and whatever >> and these are the two that we get sidled with for the rest of the adventure. The two most annoying guys in the tribe.

[00:51:09]>> Come on Chandrilla or whatever your name is. Why not assign that Tinkerbell to my case brownies?

[00:51:16]>> No, exactly. Uh, she Chandrilla tells them to stop. She's like the great fairy of god knows what. I mean, you know, >> Sherindra, I don't know.

[00:51:25]>> Shirindria.

[00:51:26]>> It looks like she looks like an an Enya music video.

[00:51:31]>> Hell yeah, dude.

[00:51:32]>> It's uh she's glowing.

[00:51:34]>> Willow, you must sell away.

[00:51:38]>> I could flow with that.

[00:51:39]>> Yeah, that would be nice. I mean, that's I think that's like the most calming like part of this is just him being like, "Oh, can I do it, Shandraa? Can I?" She's like, "Yes, you can. Yes, you can, Frodo." I I mean, Willow, >> dude, I know. She's She's She's like building him up to do this quest and she's like, "Actually, I talked to the baby." Yeah. Don't you Yeah, I talked to the baby. The baby likes you. The baby wants you to do it. All right. The baby looked at me.

[00:52:05]>> And that is the future queen of the world. I will tell you the future queen of the world thinks you're cool.

[00:52:12]>> Yes, we are to we are told by Sherindria that this baby is Allora Danon will be taking over the kingdom of Tasleen >> otherwise. And then it's like he's still whining and Okay. Okay. How about this?

[00:52:25]You the evil queen. Yeah. You know her.

[00:52:27]Yeah. Well, she's going to like control your village and your children's lives if you don't do what the baby wants.

[00:52:33]>> Right. Right. And I feel like this was where like cuz we're saying this a lot.

[00:52:37]It's sort of like it becomes like the battlecry for the movie in a way. And I feel like a lot of real Willow heads got this like tattooed somewhere, right?

[00:52:46]Like Allora Danon must survive. Allora Danon must survive. That's like the thing they keep [ __ ] saying.

[00:52:53]>> I would be shocked if one person had that tattooed, but sure. You know, I I'll go.

[00:52:57]>> Look, there's heads out there for everything there is. I I would think one, but like >> you know what? Listen, you're quested now, Chris and Steve, to find the one true Willowhead at Comic-Con this year.

[00:53:10]You're right. Go through the entire convention center and find them.

[00:53:14]>> I I'll be clear. I'm not going to be doing that. But Burger Butt, if you have I would bet a Burger Butt tattoo somewhere does exist. Burger Butt is definitely on somebody's bed >> with real wispy scullet hair like did a really >> That would be great. If you could get it on the butt, that'd be great. I like the idea. Like I I'll go but I'm really worried about my wife. Bagel cut really had some I'll give him diarrhea for a week. He won't have sex with anyone.

[00:53:43]>> And if after that you're still not arrived home, I'll make his little tally whacker not get hard.

[00:53:50]>> Well, in the meantime, could you like give him a sheep skin? I don't want to raise one of his kids.

[00:53:55]>> No, I'm sorry. I can only make it come out the back end like flat Coca-Cola.

[00:54:02]So, he has been tasked to go to this other witch, a good witch that's in God knows where. I forget the names are >> the island. Finn Riselle on the island.

[00:54:12]>> That's where he's got to he's going to take the baby there and she'll do something good for it. You know, that's that's the next step in the thing. She gives him a magic wand, which is pretty cool. I like the look of this. It's neat. Yeah, a nice >> It's just It looks like just a regular tree bridge, but obviously it's magic.

[00:54:28]That's like It's good post Last Crusade.

[00:54:30]It It looks old. It looks like a common thing. It's not bedazzled. It doesn't look like a It just doesn't have but branch coming out of it.

[00:54:39]>> Ah, yes. This is the wand of a shitty close-up magician.

[00:54:43]>> That's right.

[00:54:43]>> Last Crusade, the year after this.

[00:54:45]>> Oh, Jesus Christ. Really?

[00:54:47]>> Yeah.

[00:54:47]>> But this is where the movie swaps out, right? So, this is where he goes to Migos. He's like, "All right, Migos, you head home alone. Tell Kai I love her.

[00:54:55]Make sure she's not getting [ __ ] by Burgle Cut." Uh-huh.

[00:54:57]>> Uh, and then we change out Migosh, who's a totally fine character, for Franene and Rule, our two little brownie explorers, the drakes from >> Seinfeld. Look, they have their voice modulated, which is one thing, by the way. A lot of Star Wars stuff going on.

[00:55:12]There's real Jawa noises when the brownies uh s >> Oh, is that right? I think we got some jaw or or not not actually I think it's Ewok no noise that that's actually Cisco and Eert was also [ __ ] on the brownies for being like the Ewoks.

[00:55:28]>> Yes. I mean there's a lot of Ewoks are way better than the Brown.

[00:55:30]>> Oh my god. Those guys were wrong all the time.

[00:55:34]>> But these these accents like it's like French but not really. It's like I'm going TO GET YOU A BIG LIKE THAT.

[00:55:40]>> WELL, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. Like I said it earlier. Kevin Pollock's he's doing site site site. Like just let it be Kevin Pollock and you got his voice modulated and it's still not good but at least it's something. I mean and like just the littlest bit modulated because also like it's so high pitched like it's just obnoxious to listen to and these guys are running their mouths a mile a minute. They have a lot of dialogue.

[00:56:03]They have more dialogue than Burgle Cut.

[00:56:05]>> You Well, I was going to say you should see him rule as an older character. I thought that was really abrasive on that TV show, but I realized you can't go see that.

[00:56:13]It's literally impossible.

[00:56:15]>> Who's ruling what now?

[00:56:16]>> Uh Kevin Pollock in the Willow TV show is very abrasive and he's he's playing the character as an older fella.

[00:56:23]>> Oh, like he did in uh what was that? The whole 10 yards >> where he's playing the [ __ ] father of the his character from the first one.

[00:56:32]>> Not great.

[00:56:33]>> Uh to to find the right uh brownie, they put five of them in a lineup and they have to all say, "Hand me the baby, you [ __ ] [ __ ] each one of them.

[00:56:46]>> I would have loved Ponicio Do Toro as a brownie, dude.

[00:56:49]>> Give me the baby, you [ __ ] >> Oh, that'd be better, right? If they were like uh had like a weird indistinguishable kind of almost a brogue. I know that's what that is.

[00:56:58]>> Oh, you're in the fantasy quest business. No, not anymore. You're in the getting [ __ ] by us business.

[00:57:06]>> And Elvin, please.

[00:57:09]We could uh we could put you in the woods the night of the robbery there. Uh yeah. Well, I [ __ ] live in the woods, so good job.

[00:57:15]>> Yeah, real good detective work.

[00:57:18]>> Uh they she seek shelter from a storm >> uh in uh this like rough tavern. And this is a great like it's just people getting wasted left and right. There's one extra that looks exactly like Tom Ceini.

[00:57:32]>> Yes.

[00:57:33]>> Yeah. Well, this is very much the tavern that that they fight Aragorn in in the first Lord of the Rings. You know what I right in. Uh >> I love when all the people see Willow and they start menacing him like get out of here pecking to cook you and eat you.

[00:57:45]And I was like >> is that is that like so are they like being scary or is that a thing that actually happens in this?

[00:57:52]>> I think a little bit of both. I would not they're probably just trying to scare them off but I bet you some Denikis is eating some nellins.

[00:58:00]>> Backwoods Denikis. Absolutely. They'll eat a [ __ ] Are you kidding me? Any day a neon's going to get served up on their table. It does seem like their village is I mean it's very shyesque and I do think like never the twain shall meet. These guys don't go outside the village very often is my guess.

[00:58:15]>> That makes that makes sense. Uh yeah, they're all [ __ ] and fighting and getting wasted. And this is where Kevin Pollock's got this magic love dust that he accidentally spills all over himself and the whole thing is like you put it on and then like whoever you see first you're in love with. And he's he wants to [ __ ] this cat for a little bit.

[00:58:32]>> To [ __ ] a cat for a little bit. That's a fun thing for the kids. This is some magic they got from the fairies and it's maybe a step too far. I understand it instigates our our love interest here, but you could have fig figured out a different way to to start up.

[00:58:46]>> I do. Yeah, I I do like that they are lazy in one in a couple of senses, but the one that I like the most is they Val Kilmer is [ __ ] this guy's wife >> and the guy comes in and he's he's a big brute and of course his name is just lug.

[00:59:03]>> Yeah.

[00:59:04]Double L U G. That's another note from George Lucas cuz that's it's just as stupid as a Star Wars name. Absolutely.

[00:59:11]>> That makes it fantasy. That makes it a different world. That makes it a different word now. Now it's a name.

[00:59:15]>> No, no, no. No, no. It [ __ ] is a name.

[00:59:18]It has two ends. It's two N's at the end there. It's not uh No, it's different.

[00:59:24]>> And this is the, you know, it's your it's a it's a fun '8s, you know, crossdressing riff. He's doing the hello, I'm a lady thing, >> right? dress as a woman before my husband comes home. Lug comes in. He's like, "Oh, your cousin, huh?" And he starts immediately grabbing Val Kilmer's breasts.

[00:59:40]>> OH, THAT'S THE THING. Whoever this lady is that he's [ __ ] should have given him smaller big old massive tits here.

[00:59:47]He's got two kickballs under there.

[00:59:49]>> So, you're you're saying they're too tempting is what you're saying.

[00:59:52]>> YEAH. YOU'RE MARRIED TO LUG. OF COURSE, Lug is going to want the kickballs.

[00:59:56]>> Want to breed.

[00:59:58]>> Oh, yeah, dude. Want to breed. And again, this is and I guess this is what uh you know, some people said maybe this was also Sisllin Eert like the tonal imbalance of this movie because we keep saying it's a kid kids movie, but like >> we're talking about murdering kids.

[01:00:12]We're talking about breeding.

[01:00:14]>> Kind of a rape threat scene. Yes, for sure. But uh you got to grow up and you got to know that there there are little Kevin Pollocks in the world. There are bad things out there. Kilmer has a great line here that because he says want to breed or whatever and he just goes tempting but no.

[01:00:32]Also, this movie uh the second of two big movies in 1998 or 1988 to have a false door into a secret back room of a bar because Willow falls through a fake door and that's how he finds them. It's just like Roger Rabbit the back room they have at that bar.

[01:00:49]>> Oh yeah. Yeah. Also, a that's you know you that's a good movie and we covered it on Patreon, but there's also a tonal thing with the scariness of that as well.

[01:00:58]>> Yeah, absolutely.

[01:00:59]>> Scared the [ __ ] out of me. Still does.

[01:01:01]Uh they >> that was the second movie I saw in >> that was actually my first um and they Here comes Joy and Wall-E. She kind of feels like something wipe you up with this Val Kilmer character and like it it basically turns into this like uh escape from the bar which is the fun wagon chase. So yeah, there's the the patrol comes. Yes. And they're looking for the babies and everything. And Lug saves the day when he finds out Valkr is not a woman. Not a woman. Not a woman. He goes apehit. He starts throwing.

[01:01:32]>> Yes.

[01:01:33]>> And this enables them to escape. So thank you, Lug.

[01:01:37]>> It's so funny though, like Sorca pulls off the thing and she's like, "You're no woman." And I was like, "Oh, really? You were fooled? He looks like when the Three Stooges would dress up in drag."

[01:01:45]Like, of course that's not a power. He does have long beautiful separ this whole movie which I appreciate. He's got some good hair in this movie, man. It's a big old >> separ, right? Remember that song? That was a banger.

[01:01:59]>> It was.

[01:02:00]>> Uh so yeah, Mad Martigan steals this wagon and they peel out. I love this action scene. I love Mad Martigan like uh uh like relinquishing control of the horses to just fight this guy on the wagon.

[01:02:12]>> And it's it's about 40 minutes in. It's about time for this scene, FYI. Yep. You You wake right up, dude. And now that I think about it more, I'm like, "No wonder I was a little four-year-old. I [ __ ] fell asleep in the movie immediately."

[01:02:24]>> Yeah. But this this is a good little set piece. You know, they're on the wagon.

[01:02:27]There's these horsemen pursuing them.

[01:02:29]They're jumping on.

[01:02:30]>> Mad Martigan's fighting them off.

[01:02:32]There's at one point there's a ninja star that gets thrown. I thought >> I love those. I like And I like Willow trying to get the reinss of the horse.

[01:02:39]You know what I mean?

[01:02:40]>> Yeah. He falls down like he almost eats [ __ ] like he falls down on the like the harness like in between the horses.

[01:02:47]>> Yeah, that's scary.

[01:02:48]>> Pretty awesome.

[01:02:49]>> That's scary for Deniki, let alone this guy.

[01:02:51]>> Right. I do think that it's like objection with saying like oh the the baby is a prop and obviously like >> literally more than half the time it's a [ __ ] American sniper baby doll. Uh but >> yes, exactly.

[01:03:03]>> But it's just it's a mcguffin that happens to have a heartbeat. You know what I mean? But I would say that Willow, the the Warak Dav War Davis of it all, he does do like a good like he's very parental with it. He's always like you can't have a you can't have that kind of chase with a baby. Like he wants to get milk. It's always good. I think >> he's changing it. You know, >> he is fantastic in this movie. I think it's such a shame that uh that that sequel show got pulled down just cuz he's a good actor and he seldom gets to do it. If memory serves, I think like he loses his powers or something. I didn't really care for a lot of the choices of that show, but I didn't finish it, so who the [ __ ] knows?

[01:03:38]>> Uh, and now you never will. Nobody will.

[01:03:40]>> I, you know, the probably pro honestly part of the problem, I'm going to guess, is like, oh, we'll do a lot in season two. You never know when you're going to get season 2, so you might as well get to it today, right?

[01:03:50]>> Plan to not ever have a season two.

[01:03:52]>> Exactly. Never plan to have a sequel.

[01:03:55]Never announce a trilogy before you know if anyone gives a [ __ ] in the first place. That's why we will be going back to not announcing the next episode at the end of this.

[01:04:04]>> By the way, this chariot fight here now we get our first Wilhelm scream. This is a Lucas film staple.

[01:04:10]>> Is this where he's when he's playing chicken with the other carriage coming at them and knocks the dude off? Yeah, it's awesome.

[01:04:17]>> Uh but yeah, you never drive that fast with an infant he's or whatever. And then I also love when he goes uh they're talking like they're bitching more to each other and he goes, "You're 10 times bigger than I am, stupid." He's really calling him out.

[01:04:29]>> It's really fun. They They have really great chemistry, the two of them.

[01:04:32]>> They do. Yeah, they absolutely do. Um, so Mad Martigan agrees to take them to this lake and at the edge of the lake is where Willow has to get in the boat and go to the the uh uh >> island.

[01:04:44]>> Island. Yes.

[01:04:44]>> I I do really like there's in their fighting because again there is a lot of I don't want to do this. You do want to do this. He starts Kilibar starts to like the baby. So he wants and he likes Willow so he's going to do it.

[01:04:54]>> Sticks.

[01:04:55]>> But he sticks.

[01:04:56]>> Yeah. He goes to uh the brownies. He's like, "Hey, I'm hungry. Go find me some eggs." And I'm like, "Yeah." I don't know why.

[01:05:04]>> And and then what?

[01:05:05]>> I mean, you fry them, I suppose.

[01:05:07]>> With what?

[01:05:09]>> On what?

[01:05:10]>> We'll figure that out later.

[01:05:11]>> I think this dude Mad Martigan is just popping raw eggs, dude.

[01:05:15]>> Shell and all.

[01:05:17]>> The original protein shake. Um, we do have a quick scene where Darth Vader contacts the Emperor to tell him the search continues. I mean, uh, Kale contacts the queen.

[01:05:28]>> Let her know that the shirt the church continued.

[01:05:31]>> They have dispatched with Hobberman.

[01:05:34]>> Oh, this was this was the one where I was like, "Oh, nothing really happens."

[01:05:37]And like didn't notate the scene except she [ __ ] slaps him right across the face, which is wild. Like, I don't know, man. I'm not going to slap some huge dude in a skull mask.

[01:05:47]>> Ah, that sounds sexy to me.

[01:05:49]>> I was gonna say if Wall-ally does that to me, I might just be I might be all right. That might be Dude, >> I'll take Gan Marsh too.

[01:05:56]>> Yeah, please.

[01:05:58]>> Uh, >> a lot like I think it's like three different trivia items on the Willow thing is that Gene Marsh and Valk Kilmer died within like couple weeks of each other and it's like that's a sad coincidence, but one would be fine.

[01:06:12]>> That's not trivia of the movie. You don't IMDb with a smiley face.

[01:06:16]>> I'm sure they hadn't talked in 30 years.

[01:06:18]You know what I mean? did nothing wrong with anything like that, but I'm pretty sure they hadn't talked in 30 years.

[01:06:24]>> Uh, you see a little bit. There's a lot.

[01:06:26]Here's another thing that slows this movie down quite a bit. I have to say we are stopping and making camp multiple times.

[01:06:34]>> Oh, yeah.

[01:06:34]>> And we make camp here really only so that Willow can be like, "Hey, Mad Martigan, this baby's a princess. Also, what can I do with this wand?" And he like accidentally like transports himself up a tree. And that's the scene.

[01:06:47]And I'm like, we could kind of just keep going.

[01:06:50]>> The w the wand works. That's kind of the whole thing for that scene.

[01:06:53]>> You know, you could just save it for the troll. Like that's what the next time he really uses it, right? And it's surprising what happens there as well.

[01:07:01]So I think that would be more economic.

[01:07:03]By the way, I love We're not there yet, but I love the way the trolls move. How they go bridges.

[01:07:08]>> Oh yeah. So they climb up over it. Yeah.

[01:07:10]>> They're like mcsering everything. It's >> we get to the this island and we're looking for >> Oh, wait. Sorry. Just another thing about uh Cisco and Eert being wrong and Willow actually doing some more like parental kind of stuff with his baby when they wake up the next morning before they get to the the lake.

[01:07:28]>> Uh he's giving Mad Martigan [ __ ] for feeding the baby black root. Yeah.

[01:07:32]>> Which is I imagine chewing tobacco.

[01:07:34]>> Yeah. Or something like that. And then it's this kind of this funny like Mad Martigan being like, "Well, my parents gave us black root all the time growing up." He's like, "You never give a baby black root, you [ __ ] moron."

[01:07:45]>> That's a cute moment, too, cuz Matt Martigan is just like, "You see what he did? He took our black root. Don't worry, we'll we'll get some more."

[01:07:51]>> Wait, so that Roger and uh Eber and Cisco didn't like that scene.

[01:07:56]>> They didn't mention that scene specifically. They thought that the the baby was just b, you know, like a for the >> Yeah, I was just saying it's another example of like the baby being brought in.

[01:08:07]>> Yeah, because I was like it would be weird to just bring that scene up. And >> by the way, to to their credit, to Roger's credit, he said he starts his review of Willow saying that he currently has the flu while recording the episode.

[01:08:18]>> Oh, yep. Well, that affected it, dude.

[01:08:21]That's why you hated it.

[01:08:22]>> And Jean's like, "Thanks for coming to work, Raj. Can't wait to [ __ ] take some huge [ __ ] later."

[01:08:27]>> Yeah, totally. Oh, awesome. You're sitting 3 ft away from me in our tiny balcony set. So gl So glad that we agreed to our private bathroom and not separate ones. So, we get to the island where Finn Rosselle the sorceress is, but she turns out to be some type of tree rat.

[01:08:45]>> What is this rodent? Like, this little muskrat. That's cute.

[01:08:48]>> OH, HERE WE GO. YOU HAVE TO TURN ME BACK INTO MY HUMAN FORM. Let's do it. That's what she's doing THE ENTIRE MOVIE.

[01:08:55]>> YOU HAVE to plow my field to turn me back to my human form. I know it's weird because I'm a rat, but you were babying both of the brownies together. I don't know. No.

[01:09:07]Do you think like Finn Razel like as this little muskrat was like getting down with some other like muskrats or whatever?

[01:09:15]>> I've been on that island for so long, you know.

[01:09:17]>> Yes. You'll get curious. You'll get curious.

[01:09:20]>> If I ever get transformed into anything, you're [ __ ] >> The first thing I'm doing is [ __ ] every animal you could [ __ ] >> Exactly. Whatever. Whatever is appropriate. But like you would still have like your memories of being a human. And so you'd have a brain being like, I'm [ __ ] this cat, >> you know? So I don't think that would be as great as you think it might be. If it was to be great, I would just do it.

[01:09:42]Just >> But why?

[01:09:45]>> To do something.

[01:09:46]>> Yeah. You're bored.

[01:09:47]>> To experience another facet of the beautiful world we live in. I actually wouldn't do it. And I think Steve's weird, but sure.

[01:09:54]>> When you get changed back then, you know, now you got an attraction to the animal as well, I imagine. Right. You because you have your memory as being a rat. I just have a better experience for what this world is like. What it truly is, you know?

[01:10:06]>> Yeah. You're really trying to see how everything lives.

[01:10:08]>> Open up the whole world. That apparently is some kind of possum. I'm looking at a possum. Okay.

[01:10:14]>> A common brushtail possum.

[01:10:17]>> He's adorable.

[01:10:18]>> And it's a fun gag that we do a little bit here, which is like, "Oh, now Willow, you have to do THIS SPELL.

[01:10:24]YOU'LL DO IT RIGHT." And he tries to do it and he turns her into the wrong thing. I think the first one's a crow, you know.

[01:10:30]>> Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:10:32]>> Which is >> Mad Martigan also, by the way, has >> completed his part of the deal. He's like, "All right, I got you to the lake and I'm going to go." And we don't see Val for this part of the movie when Willow goes to the island. When he comes back, Mad Martigan is coming back captured by Sorcin, everybody. And he's got the sorry about this pec uh line here, >> right? So, they're like, "Oh, he betrayed us, whatever." So, they're all captured, including Finn Riselle, and they're all taken to this snow camp. I like the I like the locations in this this snow camp is great. We see like a glacier cave later. It look there's some great on location stuff.

[01:11:07]>> Yes.

[01:11:08]>> Oh yeah.

[01:11:09]>> Um but yeah, so yeah, after much more Lord of the Rings walking. Yes, we are at this snow camp here. Uh and what is the thing? Oh, it's this weird I don't think it's a crow yet. I don't think she cuz she [ __ ] bites Willow and she's like, "Oh, didn't I mention that, Willow? The spell needs three drops of your blood." And he's like, >> "Would have appreciated the heads up before a feral animal just bit my [ __ ] hand, lady."

[01:11:37]>> And also, do you have rabies? [ __ ] I don't know. Exactly.

[01:11:40]>> No one's invented the tetanus shot yet.

[01:11:44]>> Sorry, Willow. You're going to get luck jaw.

[01:11:49]Uh, so yeah, this is the whole transform me back to my human self and I'll crush this army. And he tries and she turns into like a a crow, I think.

[01:11:56]>> Yeah, pretty much. Some kind of bird a bird, >> some sort of blackbird. And then uh the brownies accidentally hit Mad Martigan with their stupid love dust.

[01:12:06]>> And he's just like totally stoned for a while, like until he sees uh Sorca there. And oh, he's all smitten thanks to that love dust. He's like sneaking into this tent to steal the baby and he despises her. And this gets creepy.

[01:12:21]Otherwise, I would not be attracted to Joan.

[01:12:24]>> Well, that's the weird thing cuz they the movie they've been doing a more amped up cuz she's a villain and he's a good guy. A more amped up Leia Solo deal. Yeah. They're just kind of like they're like flirt fighting a little bit. She he's like uh he she kicks him in the face and he's like uh when they're riding like he looks at her legs like I was staring at your legs. What are you looking at my leg for? It's like I want to break it. You know what I mean? Like in a sexual way.

[01:12:49]>> Exactly.

[01:12:50]>> She threatens to cut his [ __ ] off earlier in the movie.

[01:12:52]>> He's into it.

[01:12:53]>> Is that a cockline though when he's like I still have what's important.

[01:12:59]>> She goes she goes not for long.

[01:13:02]>> Now I'm just thinking about evil Princess Leia. Steve, step on me, Leia.

[01:13:07]>> But I mean, and that's the thing. You don't need a love po to Chris's point.

[01:13:10]You could do this without a silly love potion sprayed by Kevin [ __ ] Pollocable. The brownies for crying out loud.

[01:13:18]>> But we need I guess they want the levity. Although I would argue even Mad Bartigan's got plenty of levity. We don't need the most dominating.

[01:13:25]>> It's not like they say he's like a sword a sword guy. Like he really knows how to fight, but like most of the movie is him just being charming and like being like and taking care of a baby.

[01:13:36]>> We do see some of that sword fighting here now while while they're escaping here. and and it's good and it's fun >> in the line of Lucas comedy relief.

[01:13:44]Let's think about this there. You've got like Han Solo who is comic relief for a lot of that movie >> on on one end and then all the way at the other end is Jar Jar Binks and like you've got you got C3PO in between that lot a lot closer to Solo but you know definitely further on the Brinkxyian scale. Yes.

[01:14:00]>> And I do think that the Brownies are so close to you know what I mean like he is he is getting closer to creating Jar Jar Binks every day at that point.

[01:14:07]>> Yeah.

[01:14:08]>> Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I kind of think the brownies are more annoying because there's two of them.

[01:14:14]>> Yeah, sure.

[01:14:15]>> I will I think I'll take the brownies over Jar Jar, even though I kind of like Phantom Menace now.

[01:14:23]>> I think I like this movie better than Phantom Menace, though.

[01:14:25]>> That I will agree with, but I'm sticking with Jar Jar on this one. I mean, this one it it feels like they made this just for the French for some reason. Like it just like >> like these little guys who are just like in these little accents being like, "Hello, I do not know what you want."

[01:14:42]>> I will tell you, Chris, at least these are actual actors that are >> real light, real objects. It's not a CGI thing.

[01:14:50]>> It's not just the light in the room, but it is light. It is real.

[01:14:54]>> It's still distracting, but at least it's it's light. It's something I most of their composite stuff is still like >> charming for having been made in 1988.

[01:15:05]Like there's there's some some cool effects in here, but like yeah, it's I I'll take that over a little computer guy.

[01:15:11]>> They escaped the camp. Uh they and uh Martigan kind of kidnaps Sorca here as a way to leave. Like if you you know you you follow us, I'll cut her throat kind of a deal. Even though he's still got the love potion, he's trying to keep Kale away. And then this is like we go to that other camp where we find our Aric and his crew. Yes. But I'm sorry, Steve. We're skipping over one of the funniest action sequences in the movie.

[01:15:35]Extreme sledding.

[01:15:37]>> Oh, where they're escaping. And Matt Martigan is like, "All right, Willow, take the baby and sit on that [ __ ] thing over there."

[01:15:42]>> There's a shield, I think.

[01:15:44]>> Here.

[01:15:44]>> Yes, it's a shield.

[01:15:45]>> Let me spray this Clark Griswalt spray on.

[01:15:47]>> Yeah, totally.

[01:15:50]and they go down this hill and I only had to talk about it because it is hysterical it because again we've got like we're sending people down a hill.

[01:16:00]We're sending actors down a hill on a sled and then we're sending stunt people down the mountain part that they're supposed to be going down on the snow and when you get these wide shots and it's a Kilmer stunt double holding a Warick Davis [ __ ] puppet.

[01:16:14]Oh my god, it is the funniest [ __ ] thing. It's got like no facial features whatsoever. Like it looks like someone put like a clean version of like the Roarshack mask over his face. It is a wild looking.

[01:16:26]>> Mark Davis need to do a Tom Cruz do his own stunt, man.

[01:16:30]>> No, no, guys. Just a wizard did it.

[01:16:32]Okay.

[01:16:32]>> Oh, I see partic.

[01:16:34]>> There we go.

[01:16:36]>> Uh cuz also you get Mad Martigan comes in after that. Like the the [ __ ] puppet flies into this village on a sled. It's amazing. And then Mad Martigan is rolled up in a huge snowball that's coming down the hill.

[01:16:49]>> Also pretty good.

[01:16:50]>> And also the the fighting here is actually really good. This is when you really see Kilmer with the sword.

[01:16:54]>> He finally gets a good sword actually.

[01:16:56]>> And what should we call it? Uh even Willow's like, "Wow, you cuz he he says he's the best swordsman in the world."

[01:17:00]And Willow finally believes that, "Wow, you are amazing." kind of a thing. And then that's the sled bit. You know, >> it's borderline like a naked gun joke when you see the snowball coming down.

[01:17:11]>> It is very big. It's a cylindrical Yes.

[01:17:15]>> snowball, which is very weird. It's weird looking, but we get >> it breaks into the uh the house there and it, you know, Mad Martigan falls out of it. Then we get them hiding in this cellar.

[01:17:28]>> Yes.

[01:17:29]>> Yeah. Doing a little cellar hiding here.

[01:17:32]Of course, this [ __ ] baby starts crying. This is a good Raziel comes in cawing to like cover up the the baby sound so Sora can't hear it. I like that moment. kill it.

[01:17:46]>> Then Kristoff Waltz comes in and >> Oh, yes.

[01:17:49]>> gives a gives a very intimidating monologue in the kitchen. Yes.

[01:17:53]>> Puts a cigarette out on some strudel and then leaves.

[01:17:56]>> Oh man, >> look good.

[01:17:58]>> Uh, but this is where like Eric is like, "Hey, Willow, like Mad Martigan's a piece of [ __ ] dude. He doesn't care about you. He says he's not going to help you peck." And then this is where Mad Martigan is like, >> "I serve the nailin, Eric." you know, like he's he's like giving himself over to helping Willow and whatever. And they escape with Sorca here and uh these Oh, Eric and his men attack the the Babortis [ __ ] soldiers so they can >> lot of good bloodless arrows to the heart, which I always appreciate. Yep.

[01:18:29]Absolutely. Completely bloodless movie, which is fine.

[01:18:33]>> I will take an arrow to the heart without blood versus no arrow at all.

[01:18:37]>> Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. No arrows penetrating chests regardless of blood is awesome.

[01:18:42]>> You even get little arrows. The the the brownies got their arrows too. It's very annoying. It looks like >> what's very important actually at this point when they go down the sled, the brownies LIKE WHERE DID EVERYONE GO? AND I'M LIKE, "OH my god, are they out of the movie? Oh my god." And they're like almost out of the movie.

[01:18:55]>> Someone step on them. Step on them, please.

[01:18:57]>> They have Sorca like as their hostage as they're sort of riding down the road here. And I love she's like, you know, you're holding me too tight. And he's like, you know, I don't want you to go anywhere. Get your hair out of my face or I'll chop it off. And she kind of escapes right here. And like Mad Martigan tries to run her down. There's a bit of a scuffle. He falls down. Do you guys catch this? She stomps right on his balls.

[01:19:17]>> Yeah.

[01:19:17]>> Just a big a Hulk Hogan boots right to Mad Martigan's ball sack right here.

[01:19:23]It's pretty awesome.

[01:19:24]>> Going to have to get right to the bedroom after that one.

[01:19:27]>> You know, I I when I was writing the Han and Leia stuff, there was a couple of ball smashes, but you know, Irvin Kushner was like, "Can't have it. Can't George can't do it.

[01:19:37]And I was like, I don't want to watch any movie that doesn't have ball stomping in it to be honest with you.

[01:19:42]>> Remember that iconic line, I I smashed your balls. I know.

[01:19:48]>> Hand me the hydro clumper at you [ __ ] steps on his nuts.

[01:19:55]>> Uh but yeah, Raiel's like, "Hey, Kale and everybody's coming. We better shag ass." And Sorca uh you they leave her behind as they ride off again. They finally go to this town that the village that they've been going to which they thought they would fight a benevolent king and queen. Yeah.

[01:20:08]>> But everyone is turned into stone and I'm like what's that story? Hey, what's that story? I see that >> they said the evil queen did this. So I don't know when >> they did it.

[01:20:22]>> But like the funny thing is we have this huge fight here and whatever. Like >> those people aren't removed from the rocks as far as I understand it. They're all still frozen in time. The whole movie goes on. They're never un unstuck.

[01:20:35]You know what I mean?

[01:20:36]>> Which kind of points points to this movie for that >> haunting good and haunting >> dead forever. Sorry.

[01:20:43]>> He is Willow is trying to undo uh his spell to Razil yet again. Here he turns her into I don't even know what it is.

[01:20:51]>> It's a baby goat. Adorable goat. Kill a great light. What the hell happened to you? Uh >> yes.

[01:20:59]>> Uh but then this is the the you know Kale's men attack. We got the big scene here. Willow is told to ready the catapult, which is great. I love these dudes. This army very resourceful.

[01:21:08]They're like, "Look, man. We need a battering ram. Let's go quickly." You know, they fell a tree here.

[01:21:12]>> Make this battering ram like toot sweet.

[01:21:14]I was pretty impressed.

[01:21:16]>> Uh this is when we see the the I almost called them orcs, lol. Trolls. We're going to call them trolls. You understand?

[01:21:22]>> Very different.

[01:21:23]>> Matt Martigan knows that there's trolls of foot because he steps in [ __ ] and he's like troll [ __ ] Oh, I hate trolls.

[01:21:29]And I was like, man, how many times have you stepped in troll [ __ ] that you know it by sight?

[01:21:34]>> And at least they >> got to be really bad cuz these are big these are big animals.

[01:21:38]>> They are. They are. I don't know. It's sort of like basically the orcs. But at least they lean into the whole troll thing. They're walking under the bridge.

[01:21:46]>> Yeah, the behavior stuff is where it' be interesting. Like cuz can we get maybe we could get a shot of the troll taking a [ __ ] and much like a dog when it sees someone is has makes eye contact with it while it's taking it [ __ ] >> right? Like look like when the Wampa sees Luke hanging upside down. I imagine it would be better seen if he was taking a [ __ ] >> Just two eyes to Val Kilmer taking a [ __ ] as the troll is like, "I'm going to get you. I'm going to get the baby, too."

[01:22:11]>> And then all of a sudden, Rob Botton from the Thing comes in and does this [ __ ] special effect, dude. Oh my god.

[01:22:19]Willow shoots this troll with the the the wand there and it like melts down into a red blob puddle thing. It turns into a big a big sack of fur and then that flesh gets ripped off.

[01:22:33]>> Is that what happens?

[01:22:33]>> Yes. And it's like a brain puddle thing.

[01:22:36]>> Yeah. So there's it's sort of we do have blood but it's troll blood. Um great stuff here throughout Phil Tippet also worked on this movie.

[01:22:43]>> Oh really?

[01:22:43]>> That's Tippet had to have done this disgusting moment right here. I [ __ ] saw that movie.

[01:22:50]>> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

[01:22:51]>> Mad God is what you're talking about.

[01:22:53]>> Yes. Yeah. I watch those little guys eat that fat guy's [ __ ] or whatever happens.

[01:22:57]It's like, "Oh, wait. There's like an autopsy now in this movie." All right.

[01:23:01]>> Anyway, it's Willow if you agree.

[01:23:04]>> I'm not I'm not too hot on it either. I kind of I'm kind of on Andrew's side, but I see the skill and craft there.

[01:23:10]>> Oh, yeah. No, definitely. But like, ah, that imagery. Ah, anyway, doesn't matter. Uh, but Willow, like he would do in the situation, looks and goes, "Well, that's horrifying." And kicks it off the bridge into the water. And how's he supposed to know that this is a gremlin thing where [ __ ] you put it in the water and it grows into a goddamn sisl and eird?

[01:23:33]>> Really? It's breathing fire and eating people.

[01:23:36]>> This thing looks cool and it's like it's definitely feels like a fantasy medieval kind of monster, but it's sort of a design that I haven't seen before.

[01:23:43]>> No, no, totally not. It's it's it's closer to a dragon than not, but again, not exactly.

[01:23:48]>> The creatures have [ __ ] chin. Uh, it's it's a chin that makes you look stupid and like >> you mean?

[01:23:54]>> Yeah. Well, I mean it I guess that's what you would but it's up to the lip.

[01:23:58]It's not just a neck thing. It's it's it's a full thing there. And like that is really what's unique about it. I haven't seen that in any other goddamn monster in my life.

[01:24:06]>> There's this hilarious moment here. Now Matt Martigan's now dressed up in armor.

[01:24:10]He's got all the he raided the armor.

[01:24:11]He's got new >> crossbows and whatnot. When he >> finding the armory is awesome. He walks through the door AND HE'S LIKE, "HO, Christmas day."

[01:24:19]>> But when he he he he pulls out his sword as this army comes in and they get scared and run away. This is very Han Solo moment, right? And he thinks it's him, but it turns out there's something behind him. And then when he runs out and he's with all the bad guys army and he they're just like >> the same for a moment, I thought was very funny.

[01:24:38]>> Yes, it's a cool moment. And then it's like, well, no, we will still try to kill you, Mad Martigan. We do back in. I do like Kale, the great manager here because like the situation has changed now. There's a huge monster AND HE GOES, "KILL THE BEAST. STEAL THE BABY." LIKE, "ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WE'VE GOT IT'S OKAY. WE CAN DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE. YOU GUYS KILL THE BEAST. YOU GUYS GET THE WE'RE STILL GETTING THE BABY. THAT THAT THAT HAS NOT CHANGED.

[01:25:02]>> BABY IS NUMBER ONE STILL. Baby is the still THE NUMBER ONE, BUT THE BEAST must be slayed as well.

[01:25:07]>> This is where we get the acorn drop from Willow cuz he's confronted by another troll here. And that troll is conveniently eaten by the monster who used to be a troll.

[01:25:16]>> He gets rich. He gets shift. He gets shift. There's a shifting here. It's awesome.

[01:25:21]>> Uh and then Mad Martigan like kicks another one off the bridge and also gets eaten. Willow getting in on the action here. Willow definitely impales a dude with a sword. And you see him look like, so that's what it's like to take a life.

[01:25:33]Oh my god, >> I kind of liked it.

[01:25:36]>> Oh my god.

[01:25:38]>> He's got a look of like, well, that wasn't so bad. Well, Matt Vigan is like going around. He's like, "Where did Willow go? Where the [ __ ] did Willow go?" And they goes up to the top. He just sees Willow eating a body.

[01:25:49]>> Oh my god. You should have No, that's not what you're supposed >> I didn't realize taking a life was so easy and delicious. Now I know how to fight Burgle Butt when I go home.

[01:25:57]>> He just goes back home like years past just smoking in bed and Kai is just he's just looking off this. I really enjoyed killing that one man. I know. I know.

[01:26:06]It's just I think about it every night.

[01:26:09]Every night I think about killing that man.

[01:26:11]>> I know you uh you talk in your sleep and it's terrifying.

[01:26:16]>> Uh but yes, this is a also very important. Uh Shorsa here watches Mad Martigan be very brave with the beast.

[01:26:23]He puts his [ __ ] sword through one of their mouths, >> right? He jumps on top of it.

[01:26:26]>> Yes. And she is like getting it's a [ __ ] waterfall right now.

[01:26:31]>> Be heroic.

[01:26:32]>> No, do do go chasing waterfalls, Val Kelmer.

[01:26:34]>> Do do that.

[01:26:36]>> Right. He stabs it through the head and then he jumps down and then, you know, that's where she picks him up and they make out.

[01:26:42]>> Mhm. Big old.

[01:26:43]>> Also, Chris, you you you were pointing out their funky chins that this monster has. I think in that chin is like really unstable chemicals because when he gets stabbed through the back of the head, through the chin, the [ __ ] chin, you see it like ignite and the head blows off. Really awesome thing.

[01:27:01]>> Full of gasoline, your whole chin.

[01:27:05]But she is now fully on the side of the good guys because you know this dude's hot which makes total sense obviously I wouldn't join anything for you know >> your [ __ ] mother is evil and wants to kill a baby what guy here please. So, they all race to Bav Morta's castle there and like uh uh Kale and everybody get right back in before they can get there. And Eric and everyone sort of arrive behind. And Eric in this moment is like, "We will strike at first light." I know this isn't my fight, but now I'm organizing it. We assault at first light, godamn it.

[01:27:38]>> Well, you got a cool beard with little uh braids in it. You could say that. You know what I mean?

[01:27:42]>> They uh we did a whole thing today. I know the ritual might be happening right now, but let's take a break. Come on.

[01:27:50]>> Um, Bev Morta comes out and like sort of talks [ __ ] from her high tower ears.

[01:27:55]She's like, "You are no army. You're not warriors. You're just pigs." And boy, I forgot about this part. It's people just turning into pig people.

[01:28:05]>> I will never forget about this part. I the monster and the and these pig transformations burned into my mind.

[01:28:12]>> It's so horrific. I mean, look, first you see your friend Val Kilmer. Oh, he's the fun one. He's got these pig tusks for a second. Like, >> oh, dude.

[01:28:20]>> And then there's just some like half man, half pig [ __ ] that is just >> I again, I saw this as a 41-year-old man for the first time, and I was like, that ain't that ain't cool. That ain't all right.

[01:28:31]>> It's kind of funny as she's turning them all into pigs. All of her like warriors up on the tower all just like pigs, pigs, pigs, pigs. They're just chanting pig. It's awesome. She even turns her daughter into a pig cuz it's like, "Mother, you mustn't do this." And she's like, "I saved the biggest pig for last."

[01:28:50]>> Uh, and then in the tent, uh, Willow finally gets his [ __ ] together and and turns the uh the good witch into the good witch. Uh, >> well, cuz everybody shut the [ __ ] up.

[01:29:00]Like that.

[01:29:01]Everybody was interrupting him every last time he was trying to do it.

[01:29:05]Finally, everybody's a [ __ ] pig. He doesn't have to worry about it.

[01:29:08]>> True. True. True. True. True. True.

[01:29:08]True. He also successfully does a protection spell on himself. So, he avoids turning into first, which is pretty smart.

[01:29:14]>> But he It takes a little bit to get there, though, because she turns uh into an ostrich and then a peacock and then a turtle and then a tiger and then finally her final form, a naked old lady from The Shining.

[01:29:28]>> You want me to turn you back to a tiger, maybe?

[01:29:33]>> Uh, >> I don't know. These pigs out here are looking pretty sharp, lady. It's one of those things where like cuz she's just YAPPING THE ENTIRE OH, WILLOW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Shut the [ __ ] up, lady. And I do it. Okay. Like, be quiet. Exactly.

[01:29:45]>> Yes.

[01:29:46]>> She She is a She's a backseat driver.

[01:29:48]She's like, now remember to say the spell this way.

[01:29:52]>> I know the spell. I know it.

[01:29:53]>> The turn's coming up.

[01:29:55]>> Okay. I know.

[01:29:57]>> Do you have enough gas to get back?

[01:30:00]>> Damn it. Don't forget to signal.

[01:30:03]>> Look out for that other sorcerer. He's right on the side there. You're going to hit him.

[01:30:07]>> You're so close to be staying as a turtle. You are like this [ __ ] close.

[01:30:10]I swear lady.

[01:30:12]>> It's [ __ ] horrifying though because back at the uh the island, if you'll recall, she's like, in actuality, I'm a beautiful young woman. And then she turns into back into herself and she's looking at these old hands and she just goes like, "How long has it been?" And Willow's like, "I don't know. What do you want me to do about it?"

[01:30:29]>> I don't know. We don't know. NOBODY KNOWS. COME ON.

[01:30:31]>> WE NEED Sylvester Stallone to be like, "It's 1985, man.

[01:30:36]So much time has passed.

[01:30:40]Uh but she's like, "Hey, uh a let me get some clothes on, then I'm going to turn all these guys back into humans."

[01:30:46]>> One at a time.

[01:30:47]>> Yeah. Yeah. Right. Okay. Thank you. One at a time, right? Like we're getting the like, "All right, bring in the first pig." I was like, there's no like mass net you could cast out spellw-wise that fixes this.

[01:30:59]>> Still getting it back. Okay, let's start with that Aragorn fella. Uh, it's Eric.

[01:31:05]Eric Gorn. Eric, please.

[01:31:08]>> Yeah, it's Eric. Gorn. Gorn's my last name.

[01:31:11]>> She takes this [ __ ] wand immediately.

[01:31:14]Oh, thanks for keeping it warm for me, Willow.

[01:31:16]>> Oh, yeah. Well, you don't want that dude anywhere near it again, man.

[01:31:19]>> Uh, but so yeah, she turns it all in.

[01:31:21]Willow, they're like, "Oh, that, you know, there's too many of them. How are we going to do this?" Willow comes up with the plan about how to sneak into the castle. Meanwhile, Bav Morta getting ready for this ritual.

[01:31:30]>> Oh, dude. She is covering herself in baby's blood like she's some rich tech billionaire.

[01:31:36]>> Hell yeah.

[01:31:37]>> It is the CRAZIEST SHOT. SHE'S LIKE like washing herself in blood. It's insane.

[01:31:43]>> Finally some truth in cinema.

[01:31:46]>> But Willow's whole thing like they bust his balls, but he's like, "Oh, I think I have an idea from it. It relates to how I farm back home." Which is funny. And the the plan is Willow and she just stand out there and it looks like everyone else is gone, >> right?

[01:32:01]>> And then all the dudes rise up out of the holes.

[01:32:03]>> Yeah, because you mentioned it was about gophers or something. And for a second I was like, was there a moment where he's like now we just tunnel under the castle and they're like Willow, that'll take us like [ __ ] months.

[01:32:14]>> How about we just hide in the dirt?

[01:32:16]>> He takes out a boom buck and it's just like wait for it. Wait for it. I'm all right.

[01:32:23]>> All right. Don't worry about Willow.

[01:32:27]>> Everybody's like, "What? Where? What is that song? IT'S SO CATCHY." OH, THEY'VE GOT US. OH, NO.

[01:32:31]>> But all the Kenny Logan spell.

[01:32:37]>> Uh, but it's great. They're able to breach the castle doors because these jerks just left the door open while they were like racing out to to fight Willow and this this old lady here. So, they, you know, get in and the the big the big final fight, the the castle courtyard starts happening here. Well, when they when when the men that came out to fight them retreat back to the castle, we get our second Vilhelm screep.

[01:32:59]>> Yes. Uh it starts raining because it's a big ending here, which is super fun.

[01:33:04]>> Uh and you know, I I like here pouring like hot oil on all these dudes. Love that.

[01:33:09]>> Dude, that's an awesome moment. I needed some more screaming there, though, cuz it is clearly hot oil.

[01:33:15]>> You want them like shivering on the GROUND LIKE MY GOD IT [ __ ] HURTS.

[01:33:18]I'LL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN.

[01:33:20]>> IMAGINE THAT. THOSE guys were the that was their own oil. Like I was just boiling that [ __ ] God damn it. A chorus.

[01:33:26]>> The irony.

[01:33:28]>> A chorus of hot.

[01:33:33]>> OH, I SHOULD HAVE WORN THICKER PANTS.

[01:33:35]IT'S ALL OVER MY [ __ ] BALLS. A [ __ ] OH GOD.

[01:33:41]>> THEY'RE BALLS NO MORE. THEY HAVE DISINTEGRATED. THANKS A LOT.

[01:33:46]>> Then we get Finn, Riselle, and Willow going up into the castle to stop the ritual. As sources there, too. She gets called a traitor child.

[01:33:54]>> Mhm. And >> I won't let you kill that child, mother.

[01:33:58]>> Uh, and now a yayaka fight of old ladies, which we >> cinema's greatest old lady fight.

[01:34:04]>> This rock. You think it's just going to be magic [ __ ] But then eventually these broads just start punching each other in the face.

[01:34:10]>> Exactly.

[01:34:11]>> It's a slobber knocker. It really is.

[01:34:12]They go for the fist.

[01:34:14]>> It devolves pretty quickly from Yeah.

[01:34:17]what you think is just going to be a magic fight. No, sir. Willow, get the tables.

[01:34:23]>> Willow, cast glass jaw on this [ __ ] >> Oh my god, THAT'S THAT'S AN UPPERCUT. OH MY GOD, THAT'S AN UPPERCUT. SHE IS DOWN.

[01:34:32]>> WILLOW, I'll distract her. You have to climb the ladder and get the baby belt.

[01:34:38]>> Oh, somebody forgot to put the [ __ ] barb wire UP. GOD DAMN IT. MY GOD. BART HAS JUST HIT HER WITH BABY BLOOD. SHE AIN'T GOING TO SEE AGAIN EVER AGAIN.

[01:34:49]WHERE DID AT the I I because I I don't know. At the end, it looks like Wolverine got this lady. When does her face get cut in such a way? Did it Anyone else notice this? Like >> Which lady are you talking about?

[01:35:00]>> I'm talking about the good one. Uh Razil. Uh Razil.

[01:35:03]>> Well, she's she's getting thrown all over the room, dude.

[01:35:05]>> But at the end, she's got like these vertical scars down her face. Like it's really something.

[01:35:10]>> Krueger got her maybe.

[01:35:11]>> Yeah, exactly.

[01:35:13]Uh yeah, it's it's a pretty awesome fight. And like >> in in between the old lady fight, by the way, uh Eric is killed by Kale.

[01:35:21]>> Yes. And which uh causes Mad Migan to want revenge.

[01:35:25]>> Yes.

[01:35:26]>> They have a great fight. He he he hits his skull mask. It breaks a little bit, which I love that. Yes. It [ __ ] kind of kicks ass, >> right? And then he uh eventually like he he's basically killed him, but then he also like lowers him onto his own sword and then heaves him off a bridge, which is cool.

[01:35:42]>> It's really something the way that this guy gets impaled. Quality kill, dude.

[01:35:47]Quality kill.

[01:35:48]>> Uh, Willow is now the >> Willow's fighting the [ __ ] furniture.

[01:35:52]This is the thing that's kind of stupid ATST all of a sudden.

[01:35:56]>> Yeah, >> this is it's a bad [ __ ] Harry Potter thing right here.

[01:36:00]>> But there's a skeleton in it there. I saw it. There's like the bones coming out from under it. I'm like, >> is it is there a skeleton in it trying to get >> I think they were I think it was like you know the predators always like boiling skulls and [ __ ] to put on the wall. I think that's what she she was like boiling a skeleton for like trophy room purposes.

[01:36:17]>> Again, there are like piles of skulls all over in front of her castle. That's >> She's got a lot of boiling to do.

[01:36:23]>> That was probably another You know what?

[01:36:25]She's got all this baby blood. She was boiling a baby to get all the skin off.

[01:36:29]That is a baby skeleton trying to take its revenge. And that would have been right. How about just like three baby skeletons jump out and start going all up uh Willow, you like going up under his pants and stuff.

[01:36:41]>> Oh, sure. Trying to bite him. Yeah.

[01:36:43]>> Yeah, that'd be bad. Yeah.

[01:36:45]>> Oh no, Mad Martigan. It's the skeleton league.

[01:36:48]>> Finally.

[01:36:50]>> That's right, Willow.

[01:36:52]>> We are just baby skeleton leagues for now, but one day we Well, I guess we WON'T GROW UP.

[01:36:58]>> WE'LL ALWAYS BE THIS SMALL. OF course they have a junior league. YOU DON'T THINK WE HAVE WE ARE MANY IN NUMBER. THE baby skeletons of this world.

[01:37:08]>> If you think about it, there's probably more baby skeletons on this planet than adult skeletons.

[01:37:12]>> The pee-wee skeleton league.

[01:37:16]Peewee.

[01:37:18]We go to town playing baseball poorly.

[01:37:24]Uh, this is where Willow is like, "Oh, I'm uh Willow Offgood and I'm this great wizard. Here's this acorn bitch." And like, it just doesn't work.

[01:37:34]>> No, it's catches it. Works.

[01:37:36]>> It turns, guys. I understand. I WANT THE OLD [ __ ] to turn into a statue and then after that, if she's still so powerful, she can break out of the stone. All right, but I need this lady to turn into stone. Well, you know, I I I agree, but like at the so her her hand goes to stone and then she shakes it off and like the acorn becomes dust. I thought the dust part was pretty sharp.

[01:37:57]>> Or to your point, Andrew, what if she gets it, she turns to stone, and it breaks open, and now it's just Kevin Nash and a wig, and he's it's Super Borta.

[01:38:06]>> Oh yes, dude. Hell yeah.

[01:38:09]>> This acorn has mutated me into Super Baborta.

[01:38:15]>> Oh no.

[01:38:16]>> Oh [ __ ] Willow too. The secret of the acorn.

[01:38:19]>> Go Willow. Go Willow. Go. Go Willow. Go Willow. Go.

[01:38:23]>> Oh, the Nulan rap.

[01:38:25]>> Oh, dude. New rap. New rap.

[01:38:34]Oh, now Vanilla Ice is going to try to sue us.

[01:38:37]>> Uh, but this is I mean like Yeah. She like laughs at him and like you're a little piece of [ __ ] And he's like uh uh uh. And he does this thing. thing is I'm going to send the baby to a realm you can't no evil can touch it. And this is a very nice screenwriting thing because in the first scene you see him do this bad magic trick where the pig disappears >> and the baby is gone and she's like >> I like that a regular magician has potential to foil a sorceress. I like >> but she can't smell the baby which is weird. I would think this lady would be able to smell babies.

[01:39:08]>> One problem is like that whole room stinks a baby right there. You know what? There's a fair point Eric. That's a fair point.

[01:39:14]Uh, Bev Morta knocks over a [ __ ] cauldron or something. She like winds up completing the ritual on herself. Yes.

[01:39:21]And turns into red mist and just vanishes.

[01:39:24]>> Yeah. She gets dowsted in baby blood by accident and it's like, "Oh no." And that's it. Yeah.

[01:39:30]>> Oh, she's also like struck by lightning.

[01:39:31]That's also like what instigates part of it. I >> think it's something like I think it was like oblivion, like non-existence or something. Yeah, because you were supposed to put you supposed to put the garlic in before the ginger and then otherwise you switch those things then it's just all >> easy to flub everybody does it.

[01:39:48]>> Red mist. You just turn into what? Like like it looks like scarves like I don't I don't quite get this the thought behind this but okay.

[01:39:57]>> Well, I I think they did want to go so horrific Indiana Jones with it which I kind of would have preferred >> if she's like a skeleton. Why can't you?

[01:40:06]>> It seems antilimactic, but at the same time, I I do like the look of the red uh mist stuff, but I it's it should have been set up better or more dramatically.

[01:40:16]>> This movie is is for younger kids for sure, though. That's important to to realize. You know, >> kids love skeletons.

[01:40:23]>> Yeah, >> kids do like skeletons. True. Uh so Mad Martigan uh runs in there, kisses Sorca because he's all excited she lived through this. And then they're like, "Oh, where's the baby?" And Willow comes out and he's like, "It was just my old disappearing pig trick."

[01:40:38]>> It worked this time.

[01:40:39]>> Uh >> yeah, it Yeah, it worked this time. Uh so I I I glean that this is the next day. It's kind of funny because it's one of those things where like this is like it's fantasy like pseudo medieval kind of vibes, but in this next scene it looks like everyone's had an amazing shower and I don't know how that happened. There's there's clean clothes.

[01:40:58]Everybody's conditioned their hair.

[01:41:00]>> Andrew Wizard did it. Oh, that's if she could turn into a pig, she could give him a good clean, you know, power wash.

[01:41:06]>> And she she gives Rosal gives Willow a book of spells. She's like, "Hey, you're a great sorcerer. Go home.

[01:41:14]>> Uh, make sure that guy isn't [ __ ] your wife." That's what I keep hearing.

[01:41:16]I I don't know. I don't know.

[01:41:18]>> There's some spells you'll find in the back there if you do go home and that bald [ __ ] is screwing your wife.

[01:41:22]>> If you want if you want to turn him into a cisll and Eert, what you want to do is go to the fifth page and then you just throw him in water. It's easy.

[01:41:32]Uh, I guess Sorca and Mad Martigan are just raising this baby.

[01:41:36]>> Yeah, >> that's Yeah, that's it.

[01:41:38]>> That's that's what's going on here. Uh, Willow, very nice moment, shakes hands with Mad Martigan. Uh, and he It's awesome because these two scenes are bookended by a hero's like goodbye and a hero's welcome back at the village cuz everybody at the castle gives him a goodbye and then he gets there and everybody's like, "Hey, it's Willow."

[01:41:58]They all welcome him back. Hey, [ __ ] Like, you're you're locked in here with me, not the other way around. But he turns an apple into a bird. See, I got magic now, [ __ ] >> Not only does he turn that apple into a bird, that bird then flies up in the sky and shits in a burgle cuts mouth.

[01:42:15]>> Oh, dude. It is an enormous [ __ ] This bird I'm going to not not only am I going to make this apple into a bird, it's a bird that's eaten Taco Bell for 4 days and HASN'T TAKEN A [ __ ] YET.

[01:42:26]>> WHAT is Taco Bell? from an evil nether realm.

[01:42:30]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's for sure.

[01:42:32]>> I don't think we mentioned Burgle cut getting puked on by the baby.

[01:42:36]>> Oh, yeah. Good moment.

[01:42:39]>> He gets his uh Migosh we learned got back safely even though he had to walk back by himself. Thanks for nothing, Willow.

[01:42:46]>> Uh and the high priest is thrilled he's back. Of course, uh Ka and the family, you know, the kids run out. Everybody's reunited.

[01:42:53]>> It's a nice Well, the kids come first and then he sees the the wife. It's a very nice Ka. And they kind of go together.

[01:42:58]>> Yeah. He pushes the kids down. Get the [ __ ] out of the way.

[01:43:01]>> Dad's getting You're going to have to stay in your aunt's house tonight cuz I'm going to be plowing the fields.

[01:43:06]>> All right, kids. Really quickly now, before you go off to your aunt's house, let me ask you something. Was Uncle Burger Cult coming over when uh your daddy was away? Oh, he was, was he?

[01:43:19]>> Ka.

[01:43:20]>> And And what? She kicked him in the balls. Oh, that's good. That's so good to hear.

[01:43:25]Uh, and then like it ends with some rocking music, not unlike tunes you'd find in an Ewok village.

[01:43:31]>> Uhhuh. You don't say.

[01:43:33]>> Uh, but yeah, this was the only part I remembered from being four years old watching it for the first time is this big hero's welcome. And I think it's great. Like he's a [ __ ] he's a true hero, man. Like he's not a full of [ __ ] guy. This Willow is just a straight up legit hero and he's welcome back appropriately.

[01:43:49]>> He finishes that battle. Five hours later, he's back home ready to go and ready ready to be showered with praise.

[01:43:56]>> Well, yeah.

[01:43:57]>> I mean, that's it's back to Eric's thing, though. That's why we need a map.

[01:44:00]Like, how long is it between the hero's thank you goodbye at the castle and the hero's welcome at the village? Like, is that another month? Was that a few hours? Is it like me driving over the bridge to Jersey? Like, what are we talking about?

[01:44:13]>> Secondary question. If you could turn birds into apples, can you turn apples into birds? And what is better? Do you want that bird meat or do you want that apple meat?

[01:44:22]>> Yeah, like if you're on if you're on the road, you're hungry for an apple, you just get, "Hey, you're a pretty bird."

[01:44:26]Apple.

[01:44:27]>> Oh yeah, totally.

[01:44:29]>> Cuz then you listen, you don't want to be just eating a raw bird, dude.

[01:44:32]Disgusting with that spill. You'll kill yourself.

[01:44:34]>> You got to get a cooking spell.

[01:44:36]>> Yeah.

[01:44:37]>> Fire.

[01:44:38]>> Uh but that thankfully is the end of the movie. I don't know how they could have gone more than 2 hours and 6 minutes.

[01:44:43]It's shocking that it is 2 hours and 6 minutes. It should not have been. Yes, we'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts and recommendations. Mr. Cisco.

[01:44:51]>> Yeah. No, it's a fullthroated recommend for me, but that's, you know, that might be nostalgia, but I do think it has fun with these fantasy tropes. I know you've seen them to death, but have you seen him with Val Kilmer? Now you can't.

[01:45:05]It's it's a charming little movie, and I really appreciate that Warick Davis gets to play a hero and not some type of goblin monster. And I think he's great at it. And it's it's a shame he didn't get to do it as often because he clearly could uh deliver the goods there. So yeah, no, it's a it's a total recommend for me and I understand. Yes, it is a little too long and overroought and the criticisms of it are are valid, but I again I grew up with this one.

[01:45:32]>> Yeah, Chris Cavin. Oh, I mean I think it's a it's a good movie. Like I it's a recommend. It's a it's a three-st star movie for me. It's exactly what it builds itself for. It's it's a a a kids movie. It's a fantasy. It should be a little shorter. That's fine. I know that you want to have the kids entertained for longer. That's good. I understand that. Uh but you know, everything it's supposed to be doing, it's doing well.

[01:45:53]It's just not doing the other stuff. Uh and I wish it was. You know, you always wish it was doing the other stuff, but it's not. Uh and it moves quick. I wasn't bored for much of this. I mean, there are some scenes where I'm like, this is taking longer than it did, but the cast is so good, and that is what really sells these these lower tier fantasy movies. You have a good cast, you win out. And this has a really good cast. So I was fine the whole time.

[01:46:16]Wasn't that bored. Good FX. Nothing to nothing to complain about really.

[01:46:21]>> There you go. Steve Sak.

[01:46:22]>> Yeah. My first time through in my 40s.

[01:46:24]So not exactly for me. Uh you know uh I I it's a light recommend. I enjoyed it.

[01:46:29]I definitely love to see work Davis just doing it up. Kilmer. They have great chemistry. The whole cast is super fun.

[01:46:36]Again, I just need the menace to be a little more defined and then I'm having a much better time. Uh and of course the Kevin Pollock of it all. I can't forgive. But, you know, all all I all all things considered, it's a it's a light recommend because it's it's kind of fun. Also, Ron Howard just doesn't I think a a different director, a better director makes this a better movie. FYI, it's it's competent because it's just the baseline Howard of it all. You could definitely get worse, but you certainly could also get better. FYI, that's the charm.

[01:47:04]>> Yeah. Uh, no, it's it's a recommend for me. I think this is a thing like uh you know if you're our age and you have kids looking to get into like fantasy and stuff, if you haven't shown them this yet, you totally can. I don't think there's anything about it that's spooky, scary, or you know, whatever. You can you can totally do that. I think it's a great showcase for Kilmer. This was like him stepping out of like we said, you know, the the real genius and the top secret of it all. Um or at least the top secret of it. Did Real Genius come out at this point, too?

[01:47:31]>> Uh yeah, I think it was a few years before >> they both did. Um, but I mean like the dude just had like such range and this is cool seeing him do action swashbuckley kind of stuff which is great. Davis is great, you know. Yeah, it is awesome that he's not under a bunch of [ __ ] makeup and whatever else. Um, I think actually his buddy Kenny Baker might be in some more Kenny Baker's in this movie in in something and I think he's under some >> under some uh makeup. But yeah, Warick, you know, he's the man, dude. And this is a great thing cuz it's yeah it's not you know Harry Potter, it's not Star Wars. It's not [ __ ] Leprechaun. It's just him like being himself acting and he he was a total [ __ ] believable action hero.

[01:48:14]>> Uh but yeah, that the Howard of it all.

[01:48:18]>> He's just he's a journeyman dude who I am of the opinion he's he's missed more than he's hit, but when he hits it's a hit. Uh and this is just kind of like a nice single that he he batted. Uh, but that is going to do it for this episode on Willow. As always, if you want more we atemov, check out the Patreon, patreon.com/weatov, where you can get this very Willow episode completely commercial free over there. Oh, yeah. Uh, >> along with things like our we love movies show, which this month in June, we're doing a We Love Movies that's not part of the Totally Cool Awesome8s uh curatorial uh vibe, but it's a great movie. All the same. We're talking about 28 Days Later, the Danny Bole horror masterpiece. uh in in the leadup to 28 years later. Um we also >> please be good. Please be good. Please be good.

[01:49:04]>> We got an animation damn nation on Superman the animated series. Uh >> that is right.

[01:49:10]>> Couple first first timers club here.

[01:49:12]Certainly not my first time, but it's I love that show. We we have a lot of fun on that episode.

[01:49:16]>> Yes.

[01:49:17]>> It's uh us talking about uh it's the first appearance of Mr. Mixel Plank voiced by our good buddy Gilbert Godfrey. And on the Glee Glossery, we will be talking about our thoughts in general on Andor 2. Andor season two.

[01:49:30]We're just going to have an episode where we're just talking about the show because I felt like we did season one with Mon Mothma and that was kind of very long and bloated. It's nice just to focus on the show. So, we'll be just talking about it andor season two on the Patreon.

[01:49:45]>> I am currently uh trying to catch up on this as quick as I can to for that episode. I am excited. I am excited about it.

[01:49:55]>> You should be. I've been done for a while and it [ __ ] rules.

[01:49:58]>> I'm I'm looking forward to it. We're also got Once in a Lifetime this month.

[01:50:01]We're doing uh Killer Contractor, I believe.

[01:50:05]>> One of the best of the Lifetime movies we've we've gone so far and we had a really great time uh talking about it too.

[01:50:13]>> Uh if you're looking for that, as far as we know, it is still on the Lifetime YouTube channel, Totally Grotus. So, check that out. And also, I mean, folks, this is a month that you want to be on the Patreon because you're missing a ton of stuff without that. We also, of course, are doing uh our Nexus show, the Star Trek recap show, but also this is uh the end of another quarter, which means it's time for another commentary.

[01:50:36]That's right, the John Wick Toumentary is coming out at the end of the month.

[01:50:40]Uh we had a lot of fun talking over that first one. Uh and then unfortunately, Lance Reic died a few days before it came out, so hopefully we can steer clear of that with the tomb. Let's keep everyone healthy. Uh it's going to be a lot of fun talking over Keanu kicking some ass. Uh and then you like we say here every week, if you if you're new to the show, look, every Tuesday there is a new We Hate Movies episode dropping in your feed, either uh the free feed, which has commercials, or the Patreon feed without commercials. But Steve Sadak, what totally cool awesome '8s movie are we talking about next week?

[01:51:12]>> Totally awesome 80s. We're finally doing, I should say, Crocodile Dundee.

[01:51:17]>> Hell yeah.

[01:51:18]>> Yeah. He's saying good day to Paul Hogan.

[01:51:21]>> Absolutely, dude. This is uh I believe the movie that kicked off Aussie Fever here in the United States in the uh the back part of the 20th century.

[01:51:32]>> I just recently caught this on TV for a little bit. This movie is so well shot.

[01:51:37]It's nuts.

[01:51:38]>> Oh, it's [ __ ] crazy.

[01:51:41]>> I picked up the Blu-ray double pack just Good for you.

[01:51:45]>> Yeah, it's very good, Eric.

[01:51:47]>> And that's what you want though, right?

[01:51:48]Cuz like yeah, movie one he's coming to New York. Movie two they're going to Australia and then you don't have to worry about that time he's working in Los Angeles.

[01:51:57]>> There you go. Never think about it.

[01:51:59]>> Nobody know.

[01:52:02]>> So until next week when we're talking Paul Hogan and Crocodile Dundee, I've been Andrew Jupin, >> Steven Sadak, >> Eric Cisco, >> Chris Gavin. Take it easy.