r/BestOf I Set Up Camera and Finally Caught My Mother's Lies.

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]Welcome back everyone. Oz here and today I've got some r/b best of for you all.

[00:00:04]As per usual, I'll be reading you the posts, giving you my opinions, and I hope you do the same down the comments below. And without further ado, let's jump right into it. This post was collected by Dre Caterpillar 77 and their tagline is Satan is not a pogo stick. The original OP is marzipan fabulous posted r/ relationship advice March 15th, 2021.

[00:00:24]My boyfriend blames me for a business deal gone wrong because he was rude to me. My boyfriend Derek owns a bunch of businesses. A few days ago, he wanted to meet with a representative of a restaurant chain in order to acquire one of the stores. Derek invited Alex, the representative, to have dinner with us at a fancy restaurant. Everyone followed CO protocols where we live. Things were going well and when Derek left for the bathroom, Alex and I began to talk. Alex told me his family was originally from Russia and I told him my father trained in the Russian army. When Derek came, I was talking to Alex about a good borched recipe. Derek, for some reason, thought I was annoying Alex and told me, "Alex came here to talk about business, not some dumb Russian soup." And then said, "Sorry about that, Alex. She talks a lot about useless anecdotes." I got red in the face. And Alex said, "Well, Derek, I care about dumb Russian soup because I'm Russian." Things were awkward. And long story short, Derek didn't get approved for the franchise and now he's blaming me for it. I feel really guilty and I don't know what to do. Derek is as good with business sense as a deaf bat is with hunting. Oh my god. Relevant comments. Your dad never loved you. Now, this is all on him for assuming the conversation wasn't going well and that it was you. If he was smart, he should have just joined the convo and found a more natural and less douchy way to move it back to business. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. Opie responds, "He has a habit of thinking whenever I'm talking to someone they're annoyed by me. I've told him to stop, but he won't." Update: March 16th, 2021. The next day, after what happened, I started to reflect on our relationship as a whole. I noticed the trend that whenever I talked to someone, Dererick would always be hovering over me. Not just business partners, but his family, too during events. Also, him insulting me for what I would say was a trend I didn't notice until now. I told Derek about this in a last attempt to salvage our relationship because he still had some redeeming qualities. I told Derek I was thinking of breaking up because he didn't respect me. Derek claimed I wouldn't because I needed his money. And I pointed out that I come from an upper middle class family and I'm studying to become a registered nurse, so I don't need anything from him, but his respect.

[00:02:53]Derek then broke down and told me he grew up seeing his father putting down his mother all the time. Derek said, "If I don't have my own opinions and I rely on him for everything, I won't ever leave." Oh, dude, you're not supposed to say that out loud. [ __ ] yikes, dude.

[00:03:08]Apparently, that's what his father taught him. I don't know. I broke up with Derek and I blocked him and changed my phone number after he threatened to ruin my life and tell the university awful things about me. So Derek [ __ ] sucks for numerous reasons. But as a general heads up and piece of advice, if you're ever in a position where your ex just blatantly tells you over text that they're going to start doing things to ruin your life or you have been told that in person by them, whether it's a job, university, or even friends, just give them a heads up. Even if it's just a nice little courtesy email to HR or someone within student council or something, someone who has a place of authority so that way you can have the paper trail of I let you know about this, they were going to do this and now they're trying to do it. It's just a good way to keep yourself covered and to make sure you have a paper trail that you're actively trying to keep yourself safe. It's also probably a good idea to keep all those communications professional. If any of you who work in HR or have other kinds of ways of approaching this, please comment them just in case if you have better ways of approaching this that isn't what I just said because this is what I think would be a good path. But I've also never worked in HR or even worked in student resources or anything along those lines.

[00:04:21]Hell, there's probably even a better place to contact for university than student resources, assuming that's common for universities to have. Now, on to Derek. Dude, your business sense is [ __ ] [ __ ] That and definitely his social skills beyond a shadow of a doubt. A lot of people in business actually enjoy being able to connect with others on aspects beyond just monetary business acquisition [ __ ] Your ex gave you a golden ticket for this business deal and you decided to take it and tear it up and go, "No one likes this bullshit." At a minimum, if you were concerned that maybe the conversation was being derailed and Alex was uncomfortable with the conversation, you should have sit down, assessed the situation, and if Alex was uncomfortable with the conversation, then begin to slowly shift the conversation to something else. Instead, you simultaneously insulted both your girlfriend and your future potential business partner in one fail swoop while acting smug and superior about it. That is a massive red flag because my first thought would be if I'm going into business with you when things get red, you are going to sell me down the creek im creek. [ __ ] Oh, that's a part of my accent that I didn't mean to come out.

[00:05:30]You are going to sell me down the creek immediately with no second thought. It also speaks volumes about how you approach other people. If you don't like someone or don't take someone seriously or god forbid they're a woman, they might have a good idea that you turn down and brush off because woman shouldn't have idea or I don't like this person so their ideas are immediately [ __ ] That just increases the possibility of that employee taking that idea to another company and then that company prospering with it. Derek, man, you sound like a [ __ ] nightmare to work with business-wise in someone who is going to cost a lot of people a lot of money. Now, for the relationship, dude, you got to get some therapy like ASAP or just never date again because the fact that you saw your father putting your mother down 24/7 and you thought, "Yeah, I want to be like him.

[00:06:19]You go, Dad. You put her in the place."

[00:06:21]Yeah, she shouldn't have her own opinions cuz then she'll never want to leave. It's genius, Dad. Like, Derek, if this is your takeaway and the values you hope to instill in your future children, then I really would like to kindly turn your attention to the castration blender. Thank you for your consideration.

[00:06:37]This post was collected by Choice Evidence 1983 and their tagline is it dawned on me that he was a wizard. The original OP's otherwise yam 2623 posted to r/ami the [ __ ] May 3rd 2026. Am I the [ __ ] for saying no to endless money requests from a distant relative abroad? I'll try to keep this concise, but there's context needed. I have a distant relative abroad on my father's side of the family who I've met twice in my entire life. The last time being last year, we've connected on WhatsApp the way you are with distant family.

[00:07:11]Occasional birthdays existing in the background, etc. Nothing more. My family lives in London. Last year, we visited her and her family, including my father's aunts, cousins, etc. We gave a small gift of around £50, editors note 68 USD, to each person during the visit.

[00:07:29]Looking back, I think that visit was more of an assessment than a reunion.

[00:07:34]Shortly after, the messages started.

[00:07:38]Rapid fire. I need your help. Some money. You help me. Please reply. The relative in particular told me it was for a lawyer for a house sale. After speaking with my father's brother, who lives in London, I sent approximately £900, editor's note, close to $1,224 USD. She promised faithfully to repay it in October when the house sold. October came and went. Nothing. Not even an acknowledgement. Yes, the house was sold. She asked me not to tell my parents or specific relatives abroad. I told my parents. Anyway, fast forward.

[00:08:17]She has been sending hello messages every two weeks since June of last year.

[00:08:22]Photos of her son, keeping the line warm. Worm. It was all calculated groundwork. In February of 26, she targeted my elderly uncle in London, a pensioner in his late 60s, asking for £500.

[00:08:37]She sent a barrage of messages, panicked, and deleted it, thinking he hadn't seen it. he had on his home screen. She then pivoted to asking if there was a job in London for my husband. My uncle replied politely. That single reply was enough and she immediately asked for money again. The same £500.

[00:09:00]She told him not to tell other family members she'd asked. He said no.

[00:09:06]Clearly, she said, "Okay, I'll ask someone else." within minutes. That someone else was me. She messaged me again recently. Same vague script. I need your help. Some money, please. Last time. Help me. D. No amount, no reason, no acknowledgement of the £900 never repaid. Things to note. They sold their home. Her WhatsApp photo shows a brand new car and Apple watches. When my uncle said no, she said, "I'll ask someone else without any real distress." She's been messaging every two weeks since June. Photos of her son, casual hellos, all to keep the line warm.

[00:09:45]She asked both me and my uncle separ members she'd asked. My uncle and I have been comparing notes the entire time.

[00:09:53]She has no idea. I've ignored all her recent messages. My uncle and I are completely aligned. My parents know everything. I'm not giving her any more money, but am I the [ __ ] for shutting this down completely without explanation, or should I send a message referencing the unpaid debt first? The reason I ask is because if I explain myself, I feel like I'll want to really tell her off because it's so unacceptable.

[00:10:18]My uncle said not to do that, as it'll turn into a family situation rather than a simple end to these money requests.

[00:10:25]Verdict: Not the [ __ ] Relevant comments. Commenter one, not the [ __ ] Don't respond. keep and download the messages as proof and maybe quietly see if she's tried this on other members of the family. Opie responds, "Do you know why they want you to keep it a secret from others in their country, though? Because no one where she lives has that kind of money to give her. Why have I heard time and time again that it must be kept secret from their own relatives in their own country?" If I had to wager a guess, it's because she's also asking them for money. If people find out that she has her hands in every cookie jar, well then every cookie jar will suddenly be closed. Commenter two, not the [ __ ] She's an exploer and you all know it.

[00:11:05]Reply: I'm still waiting for the 900 lb repay from October. Until that is repaid, there will be no more money from me. You're not being mean, you're just defining your boundary. Block her number on the internet, honestly, of vulnerable family members and then on yours. Opie responds, "My uncle even said that would create a situation in the family.

[00:11:24]They'll get defensive given they feel entitled to our money. They the relatives abroad think because we live in the UK, we are living like kings and queens. So why not help them?" So my uncle in the UK said to either ignore, block, etc. Whereas I feel like saying what you said above and then some.

[00:11:44]Commenter three, not the [ __ ] quote, "But am I the [ __ ] for shutting this down completely without explanation? Or should I send a message referencing the unpaid debt first?" The reason I ask is because if I explain myself, I feel like I would really want to tell her off because it's so unacceptable. My uncle said not to do that as it'll turn into a family situation rather than a simple end to these money requests. If your uncle thinks this will cause more problems than it solves, he's probably right. He's had a lot more experience dealing with the family than you have.

[00:12:09]Do you want to blow up the family? You wouldn't necessarily be wrong to do so.

[00:12:13]She does owe you £900, but since you can't maintain family harmony and tell her off, choose. Opie responds. He's worried not so much that it will cause problems as in a major blowup, but more because he knows that they feel entitled to the money of those in the UK. So, he thinks they just won't see it how we do.

[00:12:33]It'd be like speaking two different languages. I don't think he'll think it as a blow up in the family, more that it's best overall to just ignore/block people like this, as in don't be accessible to them. Whereas for me, it's a matter of justice and wanting to say this is wrong. You can't treat people like this. This is unacceptable. I also want to see who else she grifted from since maintaining secrecy was such a big deal for her. Commenter four, not the [ __ ] What I don't understand is why you didn't call her out on the money that she still owes you. I would also ask how she's enjoying her new car and watches. Where are you living now since you sold your house? Let it slip that your relatives are concerned. Don't let her slide. Even if you never got the money back, the calls and messages will stop. Opie responds, "I did at the time of her promising repayment. Their house was sold in September of 25. We have lots of verified sources and public info to back this up. She promised repayment by October of 25. It was only after that time period her WhatsApp pick changed to the watches and car. She said nothing when pressed. Update May 6th, 2026. 3 days later after that post from a few days ago, I told the person in question no and sent a final text as noted in my previous post. I said, "No, I sent you £900 last year and you never paid it back. I'm not sending you any more money." Her response, "Okay, I understand. I have taken financial help from my friend." Okay. Cookie jars. This not only doesn't acknowledge what I said, but I think she wants to move on from the topic altogether because she doesn't want the old debt acknowledged.

[00:14:17]And more importantly to her, she doesn't want this topic to potentially spread.

[00:14:22]She wants to move swiftly on from it.

[00:14:24]Also, if she had a friend in her home country that could help her, why harass family in London? It makes no sense. It was all a con. If I had responded, "Sure, yes. How much do you need?" She wouldn't have said, "Oh, don't worry. A friend helped me out." Thank you to everyone who responded, "I greatly appreciate it." Relevant comments.

[00:14:43]Commenter one. Her response dodges repayment completely. You did right, cutting off further money. Opie responds, "My family in London have a theory that the friend doesn't exist and that she made it up to save face because I immediately said no. If I pressed with questions, she would have to divulge details and I think she got spooked."

[00:15:01]She wanted someone to say okay without even asking her what the money was for.

[00:15:06]Audacity much given that she has asked my uncle also in London before as in a few months ago and he said no and how she just stopped talking to him altogether. It confirms it was all just for easy money. Also, if she had this friend all along, why harass family abroad? Let's say she does have this friend. She would obviously have to pay the friend back. Whereas with family, she could justify it and think they won't miss it. They're in London. So, that's the other theory and option.

[00:15:34]Commenter two, don't waste your energy thinking about how she got or not the money. Pester her about paying you back.

[00:15:41]Opie responds, I did. I asked when she'd be paying me back. After she said a friend helped her, she said, "Sorry, I thought you helped me." Meaning, I think she was implying that she felt she didn't need to pay me back. Luckily, the messages were still there if you scrolled up. I went to look for them, only to see she had deleted them for everyone, which you can do on WhatsApp.

[00:16:02]Luckily, I had screenshots already prior to her deleting them in my phone camera roll in which she said she'd pay me back last year. So, I sent them to her. She wrote back, "Oh, yeah, right." I wrote back. So, she never replied to that.

[00:16:19]100% just a grifter. Um, I've dealt with someone like this who I thought was a friend once upon a time. They were entering a really rough patch, had a bunch of [ __ ] going on, asked me for a bit of financial help, and this was all during the lawsuit stuff, by the way.

[00:16:34]So, I gave them what I could and I sacrificed my ability to have decent groceries that month so that way they could deal with the hellscape they had told me they were in. Come to find out a few months later, they had asked enough people to the point where it was estimated anywhere between 14 to $15,000 they had collected from selling their Saab story to multiple other creators and people. This person has been cut off. But I can't even begin to describe how much it hurt for me to make sacrifices to my ability to have a good meal and to feel comfortable in my home to help them through what I thought they were going through a horrific situation which they knew I was going through my own hell only to find out they were raking it in with money requests to pretty much everyone. I fully believe OP's relative has hands in multiple cookie jars and that's why they want the secrecy. And they would rather have one cookie jar close than all of them close.

[00:17:33]And them actually deleting the messages is the cherry on top because that just shows they know exactly what they're [ __ ] doing.

[00:17:41]This post was collected by big old nerd.

[00:17:43]The original OP is King Jake 200 posted r/m the [ __ ] April 15th, 2026. Am I the [ __ ] for installing a camera in my room to see if my mom is lying to me?

[00:17:54]I, 19 male, and my mom, 49 female, have had numerous fights the past few weeks, most of which are on the same topic.

[00:18:02]That being her going into my room and looking around without me knowing.

[00:18:07]Basically, every time I would leave the house for work or anything else, I would always leave my door fully closed, but would come back to it open. Also, I would be incredibly positive that certain things had been moved around or straight up gone. So, naturally, I'd ask my mom if she had gone into my room. She would always say no. Now, maybe the first couple of times I could play it off as me forgetting to close my bedroom door. But once it started happening multiple times a week, I knew that wasn't the case. So, yesterday, I went out and bought one of those Bluetooth surveillance cameras. At this point, I was positive she was going in my room behind my back and then lying about it.

[00:18:48]I just say wanted proof because I knew this would just continue happening otherwise. This morning, before I left for work, I made sure the camera was working, closed my bedroom door completely, then headed out. At around midday, I got a notification on my phone that the camera had detected some motion. So, I pulled it up to view the recording. And wouldn't you know it, there was my mom going through my drawers, closet, and desk. She was even grabbing certain things and tossing them out into the hallway. I closed the video feed, seething, making sure I saved it first and planned to confront her first thing when I was done with my shift.

[00:19:30]When I got home, I immediately asked her if she had gone into my room. She said no. I responded by pulling up the video and holding my phone in front of me so she could see it. Instead of apologizing, she exploded. She screamed at me for installing a camera in her house without her permission. I responded by demanding an explanation for her going in my room. She insisted that she had a right to as my mother.

[00:19:57]She began questioning certain things in my room, to which I said it's none of her business. At this point, I was done.

[00:20:04]I stormed off and went to my room.

[00:20:06]Within the hour, my phone started blowing up with messages from family, all siding with my mom, telling me I'm insane for putting up a camera. I kid you not, the entire family is on my mom's side except my dad. Unfortunately, my dad can't stop this himself as my parents split up a few years ago and he isn't allowed in my mom's house. I swear I'm doing nothing wrong here. Like it's my only space in the house where I keep my things, relax, and do my own stuff.

[00:20:34]Or am I just completely out of my mind?

[00:20:37]Am I the [ __ ] Extra information. I have never stolen anything. Not from stores or other family members. I have never had a history of drugs or smoking or vaping. The things I saw from the video of her taking from my room have been these. a notebook, a pair of sneakers from my collection, a few pairs of my pants, some plastic clothes hangers, my second bedside lamp, and old paychecks from my work. I also don't pay rent. It's not really a shocker for why your dad's no longer with your mom.

[00:21:06]Comments: Puzzle-headed alarm 81 comments. Ask her what she's looking for. Seems like she's trying to find something. Opie responds, I can't get a clear answer from her. She just goes in a series of loops of denying, "I'm your mother." and repeat. It's very infuriating, but I literally have nothing to hide. No drugs, no alcohol, just nothing. User Veronica Vault comments, "Not the [ __ ] You have a right to your privacy. However, your mother owns the home you have a room in.

[00:21:35]I suggest you either save up to leave or have a lockbox/safe to keep whatever is precious to you hidden away. There's very little I can recommend since you're technically an adult and it is legally her home. Unless she threw away something expensive and not illegal to possess, drug paraphernalia, for instance, you can't exactly call the cops on her. If you are paying rent, then you could ask for a contract with privacy stipulation in a key lock on the door. But given how everything has been blowing up, I don't think your mother will give way. Parents use housing as a form of control. So really, the only move is to leave and threaten low or no contact. What was thrown away? Opie responds, "From what I could see in the recording, she threw one of my notebooks, a pair of my many shoes. I have a collection. And weirdly, some plastic clothes hangers. I also have no clue where they ended up. Not in the trash for sure, but my mom's room has a lock on it, so checking there is out of the question." User Zedekica TTV comments, "Not the [ __ ] in any way.

[00:22:37]You're an adult and have a right to your privacy. Do you pay rent or are living at home for free? Opie responds, "I live there for free right now. I know how lucky I am to not have to pay rent, but who knows if she'll just randomly change your mind. Use your broken millionaire 572 comments, can you move in with your dad?" OP responds, "I absolutely can, and that's probably what's going to happen." Flower girl comments. Not the [ __ ] at all. She's the one snooping and lying about it. You literally just gathered proof of what was already happening. The only reason she's mad is because she got caught, not because the camera is some grand violation. I have a right to as your mother. Yeah, no.

[00:23:16]You're 19, not nine. And the fact that she was throwing your stuff into the hallway. What was she even looking for?

[00:23:23]Her exploding instead of apologizing tells you everything. Family piling on is classic. They always go after the person who exposed the problem instead of the person who caused it. You're not crazy. Only thing I'd say is to start thinking about how to move out longterm because this dynamic isn't going to get better while you live there. Opie responds, "I've talked to my dad about this. He said I'm always welcome at his place and can spend as long as I want there. I'm probably going to his place and I'm considering permanently. User Angel 9 writes comments, show your family the video and ask them to explain how that is normal and acceptable. How did she spin to them? Can you look into living with your dad? I start planning a way to move out. OP responds, I showed all of my family with video. Literally no improvements there. They say the camera is inappropriate or still hit me with the she's your mother [ __ ] And yes, I can move in with my dad if needed. Although at this point it's likely she wasn't backing down to begin with and given the rest of the family minus my dad aren't either. Consensus not the [ __ ] Updates made over a oneweek period. Update one. Over the course of the week, I'm going to start moving things to my dad's place. I'm also not telling my mom about it until everything is gone. I appreciate you all making me realize my mom was overstepping a lot. Update two. I did what many of you suggested and checked my credit to make sure no money went magically disappearing. I am pleased to see that nothing was gone, but that still didn't stop me from locking it. As far as I know, she doesn't have any information on it as the payubs don't actually have my card number or any information for my account, just the money I was paid over a certain period.

[00:25:05]Again, thanks to all of you who replied.

[00:25:07]I greatly appreciate all of you. Update three, moved my first couple things over to my dad's. Lucky my mom wasn't home when I did that, so it was really easy.

[00:25:16]I will continue to do this throughout the week. Update four, I can no longer view the video feed from the camera. I just get a unable to connect popup. I don't think I need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure this out, although I won't know for sure until I get back tomorrow to grab more stuff. It was still in its normal spot earlier today when I went to grab stuff. Update five. Sorry for the long wait on the next update. I wanted to stay away from the post for a bit just to clear my head. I have moved over a lot more things to my dad's. Also, I have decided that I'm not going to move everything. Some things just aren't worth moving. My dad said he'd help me buy some of the things I won't move over. Oh yeah, and the camera is gone.

[00:25:57]Not in the trash. Like straight up disappeared. I'll just let y'all thoughts run wild on that. I'll only update one last time, which is when I'm officially at my dad's again. I greatly appreciate every single one of your support. Final update after 26 days. At my dad's now, y'all. I actually moved a week ago. Just didn't get around to update this post. My mom has tried to call me around three times a day, but I always decline the calls. I'm positive she will try to play the victim and blame me somehow. She has done that before over other things. But yeah, I feel much better at my dad's. The room at my dad's actually has a lock on it, so I don't even need to worry about privacy. Not saying I don't trust my dad, because I absolutely do. Again, all of your support over these past few weeks was greatly appreciated. I wish I could give you all a big hug right now, lol. But this is the last you'll hear from me on this post. Take care, everybody. Mom, meet me consequences.

[00:26:55]Hey, are you going through my room? No.

[00:26:57]Okay. Well, here's a camera that shows you're lying. Why would you do that? How dare you catch me in a lie? This is your fault. Can you not go through my room?

[00:27:04]No. I'm your mother. Okay. Well, I'm just not going to live here anymore.

[00:27:08]Wait, hold on a second. Let's Let's talk about this. Why aren't you picking up my calls anymore? You gave your child every reason not to want to stay at your place anymore. Did you have a right going through his room because it's your house? Yes. Should you have respected his wishes for privacy? Also, very much yes. You didn't want him to be able to have privacy in your home, so he moved to a new home. Sounds like the mom didn't realize that her adult child was capable of making independent decisions and deciding, you know what? I'm not going to put up with your [ __ ] anymore, mom. Later. And like a couple years from now, this is going to be a missing missing reasons case of like, why won't my son talk to me? and then conveniently leave out all the reasons why the son had a problem with his mother and just make it look like she's just the absolute victim in the circumstance. Mom tried flexing her authority and power over adult son. Adult son left because he didn't want to put up with that. It's just how it went. Not really sure what to tell you. Good on you though, OP, for getting yourself out of that situation as fast and as easy as possible.

[00:28:07]This post was collected by Direct Caterpillar 77 and their tagline is Satan is not a pogo stick. The original OP is not a dog nana posted November 15th, 2017 to r/ relationships. Me 61 female with my daughter 28 female. She's angry I don't consider her pets my grandchildren. My son told me about this website. Daughter in question frequents it as well. So I'm hoping for some insight from a younger crowd. He suggested changing everyone's names for anonymity. So hopefully I keep the aliases straight. I have three wonderful children, a son, Michael, 35, and two daughters, Anna, 31, and Marne, 28. All three are married to lovely people, and Michael and Anna both have children. I adore my grandchildren, but I want to make it clear that I have never expected my children to give me grandchildren. I respect each of them and how they choose to live their lives because it's their lives. I realize this might come off as overly defensive, but I had a mother who felt entitled to influence over certain decisions in my life, such as picking the husband I'm now divorced from. That being said, I adore being a grandma.

[00:29:21]Each of my grandchildren is a blessing, and I am so very proud of every single one of them. I'm the grandma who drives everybody crazy taking a million pictures and I have a couple of dedicated shelves that I'm constantly updating with the latest pictures of my family. Yes, my children have suggested a digital photo frame, but I'm too old-fashioned to give up my paper copies. Now, on to the issue. Marne and her husband are child-free, but own three large dogs of varying breeds. They paid a lot of money for these dogs from highquality breeders, and they've gotten the dogs great training. These dogs are obedient, sweet animals who love to be loved, even if they sometimes forget their own size. Hard to share a recliner with 150 lbs of muscle. I do love these dogs and I'm happy to have them over whenever Marne or her husband come for a visit. Last week, I got a call from Marne in tears that honestly came as a bit of a shock. Now, I've mentioned the shelves of pictures I have. Apparently, at their most recent visit, Marne's husband scrutinized the photos and realized that while each of my family has its own shelf, the grandkids get a separate shelf. And none of the dogs photos were on that shelf. To be clear, I do have pictures of the dogs, and I love the dogs. Love the dog pictures, but those pictures are only on Marne and husband's dedicated shelf. Michael and Anna's families both have their own shelves. And then there's an additional shelf just featuring pictures of my grandchildren. All school photos and pictures from formal dances, games, recital. Marne told me that she's hurt that I do not have pictures of her dogs on the grandchildren shelf because she said they're my children and she feels I do not value her or her family as much as Michael and Anna. This is just not true. And I admit I got a little defensive out of shock. I pointed out that I spend equal amounts of time with each of my children and everybody has their own designated call night. She said I'm always going to Michael's daughter's soccer games or Anna's children's dance recital. And I countered that I also went to Marne's husband's softball games. I even hosted their league holiday party last year. We argued for about an hour and just kept returning to the dog pictures not being on the same shelf as the grandchildren.

[00:31:42]And all I could really say was that I never consider the dogs as my grandchildren, just beloved family pets.

[00:31:50]Marne hung up on me after that. And I felt absolutely horrible because it felt like we were both talking past each other. Michael called me just moments after hanging up because it was his family's designated call night and I'd missed our usual time. I was still upset from the call with Marne and told him about our conversation, which I should not have done and absolutely regret. And he immediately went off on his sister.

[00:32:14]He was furious that she was angry with me and offended that she would even suggest her dogs were on the same level as his or Anna's children. I quickly got the sense from his rant that this was a resentment long brewing between the two of them. They didn't really see eye to eye as children, but they've always been friendly to each other in front of me.

[00:32:33]And Marne is a great aunt to both Michael and Anna's children, but he just went absolutely in on his sister, calling her selfish and spoiled and delusional, which I told him was inappropriate and rude and not something I wanted to hear him say about his sister. He said that he and Anna had been putting up with her BS, although he didn't use the abbreviation for too long and that he couldn't believe she was trying to drag me into this nonsense. He closed out his rant by saying that comparing her dogs to his children was a effing insult and he wouldn't stand for that sh. He then got an earful about swearing at his mother and by that time it was far past the children's bedtime so I missed out on catching up with them. All around not a good night. I tried calling both Marne and her husband the next day and got sent straight to voicemail. I assumed it was too early and they needed some more time to cool off. So, I just left messages saying I love them and miss them and hoped we could talk more about this. I sent a text message on Sunday to Marne, but she didn't reply. So, I waited until today, Marne's designated call day, to try again. But I got sent straight to voicemail again. Michael and Anna both have tried calling Marne and her husband, and they've also not gotten through. I feel like an emotional bomb has dropped on my family, and all I want is to get everyone in a room to talk this out. It's Thanksgiving next week, and I want everyone to feel welcome and happy in my home, but I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice or insight to provide in this situation?

[00:34:14]Too long didn't read. Child-free daughter is heartbroken. I didn't consider her dogs as my grandchildren.

[00:34:20]Her older brother is offended at the idea of her dogs being on the same level as his children. I don't know how to handle this. Who's wrong? Who's right?

[00:34:29]Before we get to the comments, I do just want to say is that this is exactly what the exact opposite of missing missing reasons looks like. Lots of information, lots of examples, full story, full picture, everything. Nothing left out.

[00:34:44]And it doesn't feel like any information is being held from us. Because normally we see things where it's like we had a fight and at the end of it X, Y, and Z happened. I just don't understand why.

[00:34:54]But in this case, we have the exact conversation, the exact details, and exactly how OP felt, and even areas where they feel that they overstepped or may have screwed up. It's the perfect example of the exact opposite of missing missing reasons. Anyways, relevant comments. Sleep princess comments. First thing, this seems rather silly that everyone is all upset about pictures on a shelf. I think maybe everyone should take a step back and realize that this is not worth such an upset in Discord.

[00:35:21]I'm getting the sense that Marne has some emotional issues surrounding the fact that she is childless as compared to her siblings. It also seems that she feels some sense of inferiority to her siblings families that have kids. I think maybe you should consider opening a conversation regarding that. I'm not entirely sure that this is exclusively about the dogs and the pictures. Edit: Is it possible that Marne and her husband are struggling with infertility or something like that, or have they made it clear they do not intend on having children? Opie responds, "No, Marne and her husband have always said they never want to have children." She actually staged a little coming out to me just before they were married to tell me that she and her husband were not going to have children. I was fully supportive and honestly not surprised as she'd never expressed an interest in children the way Michael and Anna had.

[00:36:09]And yes, this does seem silly, which leads me to believe it's about much more than the photos. I tried asking Michael if this subject has come up between them before, but he's clammed up. Maybe I should ask Anna. I'd be very upset after all the hallelu I've made about wanting them to make their own choices and live their own lives if it turned out they'd been insulting and shaming each other behind my back. I thought I raised them better than that. User Corin strikes back comments, "Be aware that Marne may have been giving your son and her sister a tremendous amount of [ __ ] about this behind your back, which is why he blew up. I'd be furious if someone tried to insinuate that my mom should love their dog as much as she would love any of my children, and I'm a dog person. Opie responds, "I suspect this might be part of the issue. Michael's eluded to prior fights between them on this issue, although he won't tell me exactly what's been said. One of my grandchildren set up a Facebook account for me that I never use, but I've thought about maybe looking at their accounts to see if there are any hints of these past fights, but part of me feels like that's overstepping my bounds. User Just a Little Bird 88 comments, I'm wondering if there's a deeper issue here. I don't think she logically believes you need to treat her dogs like grandchildren. So, I would personally suspect one of the following. One, she wants children but can't right now or can't at all or feels bad she does not want to. Perhaps it's biological or perhaps it is her own guilt that she may feel for choosing not to thinking you may see her as less than. Two, she has always felt overshadowed by her older siblings and this is the problem she chose to express her need for attention and validation from you over. I think she's wrong in how she's choosing to express her feelings. It's a very strange argument to treat dogs as grandchildren, but obviously there's a part of your family life she feels like she's being robbed of or guilty over and she needs to work through those issues. I would try to get to the feelings behind the facade of the dogs as children thing. Opie responds, "Marne and her husband got married with the understanding that they never wanted children. She's never expressed a desire to be a mother, and I absolutely respect that. But yes, I'm worried that subconsciously I've given off some feeling that I'm disappointed or upset that she doesn't have children. I would hate so much to know that I was the cause of the angst inadvertently or otherwise. I just want each of my children to live the life they want for themselves and not feel they owe me a particular version of that life. I know that I can't expect each of my children to have a perfect relationship with their siblings, but I do wonder now if Marne is feeling left out in some way because Michael and Anna share an experience that she doesn't have. It breaks my heart to think one of my children might feel less than the other two simply because she chose a different path in life. General question of has OP attended events for dogs? I actually have gone to events for the dogs. About 2 years ago, the oldest dog was entered into a local sled pulling competition, and I attended the race. I've also gone to the dog park with all of them and attended a couple of obedience school graduations. They give the dogs a little graduation cap, and it's adorable.

[00:39:20]Update: November 15th, 2017. Later that same day, well, I just got off the phone with my middle daughter, Anna, and bless her for dealing with this nonsense when she's trapped at home on bed rest. I now have a much better understanding of the situation and thought I would share some of that with all of you since you've been so kind as to spare me your time today. Also, I've learned that I've raised quite the trio of potty mouths and I'm thinking a swear jar fund for family vacations isn't out of the question. I decided not to text Anna and bring her further into this mess because of the affforementioned bed rest. But little did I know that she had spent most of her morning heranging both of her siblings for their behavior. This fight apparently spilled over to Facebook and just consisted of the two of them posting statuses about each other but not bothering to actually speak. Anna saw this, knew that I had been brought into the fight and decided she would end it herself. While I appreciate her efforts, I am a little annoyed that all of this tension was boiling under the family and that my children apparently felt the need to protect me from their arguments and then they go and explode the family with a resentment no one bothered to share. I'm also a little upset that Anna felt the need to act as mediator when Michael and Marne should have behaved like adults and simply had a discussion. I'm planning some significant one-on-one time with all of my children in the near future just so that we can clear the air and everyone knows that they've been heard. Michael claims that Marne started it while Anna says that Michael started it. But regardless, one or two off-color comments from younger, more stubborn, and more insecure people about the others choices have snowballed over the years to this new nonsense. Marne felt judged for choosing not to have children and Michael felt disrespected by some disparaging remarks his sister made in the past. Anna has been witnessed to most of these little spats, and I told her, "I don't want any more specifics because it was wrong of them to throw me in the middle of this the way they did, and I'm certainly not going to let myself be put in the middle again." I'm also hoping Anna washes her hands of their fighting, but I know that's ultimately her choice. My children are good at communicating with me, but less so communicating amongst themselves.

[00:41:36]Anna's told me to expect a call from both of them this afternoon after they get dinner together and talk things out.

[00:41:42]I'm not expecting that everything will be perfectly resolved after one conversation, but I am glad to know they can put aside their grievances with each other long enough to try. Anna has also told me with permission from Marne that part of Marne's blowup had to do with a fight with her in-laws. They are less willing to accept not having grandchildren from their son. His father is a senior. He is a junior and they were expecting a the third. So that's about where things are left. I'm still upset at both Michael and Marne, but I'm not really looking for an apology from either of them. I just want both of them to know that they are loved and respected. I'm sorry if this is all a bit rambling as Anna had a lot to say.

[00:42:25]I'm thinking of suggesting the four of us attend a family therapy session after Thanksgiving just to get everyone on the same page. I would also like to say thank you to everyone who commented, and there are so many, but a special thanks to those who offered their perspective as child-free people like Marne. I feel like I have a better idea now of some thoughts and feelings she might be having, whether she realizes it or not, and how we can keep improving our relationship.

[00:42:51]There are no more updates from OP after this, so I can only assume that things went solidly and that from there there wasn't more for her to talk about or for her to ask of the internet. All I could think about is just how sweet OP is and just how much I feel for them seeing their children fight and being unaware of how much was boiling under the surface while they did what they could, leaving their mother thinking that everything was just fine. But this very much isn't a story that's about whether or not the dogs are grandchildren. It sounds like Marne has some underlying insecurities coming from the in-laws, putting pressure that really shouldn't be there. Pressure that's then amalgamizing and becoming something it shouldn't be and bleeding over and now affecting her siblings, which is causing her siblings to have spats with her and is now creating larger problems. I can only hope in the eight or so years that it's been since his post that things have been able to mend and the relationships have improved quite a bit.

[00:43:48]Hopefully, for the sake of OP and her family, this is a situation of it's not actually about the dogs being grandchildren. It's about the pressure from the in-laws and hopefully they've been able to get past that. If it is, however, about the dogs, well, [ __ ] that's going to be a tricky thing to navigate because at that point in time, Marne is well doing her own thing.

[00:44:10]This post was collected by Choice Evidence 1983 and their tagline is it dawned on me that he was a wizard. The original OP is one ultimatum off my chest posted r/offmychest April 3rd 2026. My boyfriend can't use any bathroom besides the one in our apartment and he thinks this is normal.

[00:44:30]No advice wanted. Also, general content warning in case you're eating for the natural consequences of only ever wanting to use your bathroom. No advice wanted. My 25 female boyfriend 24 male can't go to the bathroom unless it's the one in our apartment. If he's not home when he has to go and he doesn't make it back in time, he will go in his pants. I wish I was kidding. I figured it out after seeing him have two different accidents. The first time it was after his friend's birthday and we had both been drinking. My boyfriend was really embarrassed and I thought it was just because of the alcohol. It had never happened before in front of me, so I just let it go. The second time it happened when we were out shopping and there was no alcohol involved. He went in his pants because we didn't get home in time. We met in university during my second year in his first. I lived on campus and he shared an apartment with his brother, 26 male, off campus. I never realized he would go back to his apartment if he needed to use the bathroom. I went on to the pharmacy program at our university and he went on to do his master's degree. After we graduated, I moved in with him. The apartment is close to the hospital I would be working at. My boyfriend found a remote job and the rent was a good price for this area. His family lives 2 hours away. He can use the bathrooms at his parents house because he grew up there. One set of his grandparents lived near his parents and he can also use their bathrooms because they had lived in the same house since he was born. His other grandparents moved to another province when they retired, and my boyfriend has never visited them because of this bathroom situation. My boyfriend's brother lived in the apartment for two years before my boyfriend moved in, and it took him all that time to get used to the idea of using the bathroom there. His parents told me he's been like this his whole life, and they laugh about this quirk of his. My boyfriend is trying to tell me this is normal, and that lots of people can only go at home. When he says that, it makes me feel like screaming. I can believe people prefer to go at home.

[00:46:35]However, they will also use whatever bathroom is closest instead of going in their pants. No one else in his family is like this. His brother just joined the Navy. His dad is a conductor for a railroad company. His mom is a postal worker. They couldn't do these jobs if they were like my boyfriend. None of his friends have ever said anything that I know of either. I told him he needs to see a therapist. He's refusing because he doesn't think anything is wrong. I do not want to live in this apartment forever. I want to travel. My parents aren't far from us, but I have a big family and I want to bring him to visit them. What if he gets offered a better job that isn't fully remote? I told him I am done if he doesn't go to therapy and he says I'm selfish. I don't care if giving the ultimatum makes me selfish. I honestly don't. Too long didn't read. My boyfriend can't use any bathroom except the one in our apartment. He will soil his pants rather than using a bathroom that isn't ours. He thinks it is normal and we have argued. I told him I will leave him if he doesn't see a therapist and he called me selfish. Relevant and top comments. Commenter one question. Is he holding it until he can't anymore and then having an accident in his pants or is he intentionally just going in his pants rather than using the public bathroom? OP responds, "He holds it until he can't. If he's not home and he has to go, he'll try to get home.

[00:48:02]However, sometimes he doesn't make it."

[00:48:04]Commenter too, amazing anybody in his family thinks this is normal. I used to be like that, but never had any accidents because when I had to go Yes or Yes. I just went to whatever bathroom is nearby. Right now, it might work because he's working remote. But at some point, this is going to affect him. He needs help. No one should poop their pants because they can't just go home.

[00:48:26]Either hold it in and realize you probably can't eat anything when you're out and about. He should already be buying diapers if he's going to be that disgusting or change your life. He can't live like that. Opie responds, "I've learned his brother is fed up with it."

[00:48:41]When his brother was in university with us, I got the sense that he was annoyed with my boyfriend a lot of the time. I thought it was just normal sibling dynamics. I have three brothers, ages 24, 22, and 20. So, I get being annoyed with younger siblings. During one of our arguments over this, my boyfriend admitted his brother joined the Navy to get away from the family and that he didn't want to live with my boyfriend when he was in university, but their parents said they wouldn't help with finances unless he did. I know my boyfriend's parents and one set of grandparents enable this. His brother doesn't, and I'm not sure what his other set of grandparents think. I've only met them once. Commenter three. If a grown adult would rather [ __ ] their pants than use a public bathroom, they need serious help/ther theapy. I wouldn't have been able to get to the point of moving in.

[00:49:29]That is insane. Opie responds, "If I had known about this before I moved in with him, I would have refused to come live in his apartment unless he went to therapy. Even then, he would have had to show he was trying to get better.

[00:49:42]Commenter four, his parents told me he has been like this his whole life, and they laugh about this quirk of his. So, they neglected getting his extreme phobia issues help because, hey, fun and quirky. What the [ __ ] Does that mean he never went in school either? Just kept doing it in his clothes? He needs help.

[00:50:01]This isn't normal. He needs to drink enough fluid for a healthy body. And he needs to be able to leave the house and live his life. Nobody would blame you for leaving over this. The limit this will put on your future life. Even if it's a severe cleanliness phobia, then he can carry cleaning wipes for the seats and his own toilet roll. Update: April 25th, 2026. 3 weeks later. No advice wanted. If I had known he had this issue, I never would have moved in with him in the first place. I tried suggesting he go to therapy to address this, but he just kept telling me that he's normal and I'm the weird one. After that, I knew our relationship was doomed. No one else in his family is like this. His dad is a railroad worker.

[00:50:47]His mom is a postal worker. Both sets of his grandparents love to travel. You can't do these things if you had the same issue as my ex-boyfriend. During one of our arguments about this, my boyfriend admitted his brother had wanted to go to university in another province, but their parents said they would withdraw financial support and help getting student loans unless he went to the closest university. This was so my ex-boyfriend could get used to his brother's bathroom and come live there for university as well. When his brother was in university with us, I got the sense that he was annoyed with my ex-boyfriend a lot of the time. I thought it was just normal sibling dynamics. I have three younger brothers, so I get being annoyed with younger siblings. But my ex-boyfriend admitted that his brother joined the Navy to get away from the family because we live in a landlock province and it was the only way he could get away without financial support from their parents. My ex-boyfriend said his brother has not spoken to anyone in the family since he left. I know that his parents in one set of his grandparents enable him. I don't know about his other set of grandparents because they live in a different province and I only met them once. He has no other family. When I told my ex-boyfriend that I was moving out, he acted surprised. After we paid our rent for May, I told our landlord that I would not be signing a new lease with my ex-boyfriend after ours expired at the end of May. I'm lucky enough to have a best friend who let me temporarily move in with her until my new place is ready next Saturday. I just couldn't imagine a life where he declined better jobs because they aren't remote. Right now, he's a payroll clerk. Or where we couldn't go see my family together or travel or buy a house he never lived in before. And no matter what he said, I know I was right about this not being normal. Too long didn't read. I broke up with him. Comment from Doctor Hobo. If anybody's reading this and feeling like maybe your family's golden child syndrome isn't so bad in comparison, don't. Shitty Pants Gorg, whose parents tried to force his siblings entire existence to be a toilet facilitator, is a statistical outlier and should have not been counted. You really got to do some self-introspection if you think what is normal caused your brother to say, "You know what? [ __ ] it. I'm going to join the [ __ ] Navy to get away from all of you." That should maybe be a sign that you're not normal.

[00:53:12]Additionally, is there any way to retroactively file child neglect charges on parents or or something? Because the fact that they're like, "Haha, he pissed his pants. That's such a funny cute quirk." No. No. How on earth can you feel that you've succeeded as parents if your child literally cannot exist in a social setting because they find soiling themselves to be an acceptable outcome than using the Walmart bathroom? Yes, I know the Walmart bathroom is a petri dish of sin, but still that is a better alternative than storing that in the denim lining of your jeans. Oh my god.

[00:53:52]Every now and then I get this urge to do like an entire video in that 2019 and I guess kind of present like clickbait engagement voice where it's like, "What's going on, guys? I just want you all to know that I just called Among Us at 3:00 a.m. You won't believe it. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it. OP's the [ __ ] here." Like just those absolutely overhyped and fake voices.

[00:54:13]Like I know I do voices, but they're more of just kind of like getting into character a little bit and just having a good time and not just being loud and obnoxious for the sake of being loud and obnoxious. If I'm going to be loud and obnoxious, I'm at least going to have fun doing it, not whatever the hell that is. Anyway, guys, don't forget to use code eyes at checkout with gamer subs.

[00:54:33][ __ ] But seriously, code eyes at checkout. By the way, I'm actually drinking the Ruby flavor right now for those of you who are able to get your hands on it. It is pretty goddamn solid.

[00:54:42]It has four aftertastes, which is very fitting. So, hopefully they'll be bringing that back in stock. But for those of you who are able to snag the launch edition uh little little tub thing, congratulations. It's actually really good.