Is being a people pleaser really a bad thing?

Added: 2026-05-19

[00:00:00]Hello, welcome back to Snug Talk where you guys give me topics and I talk about them, give my thoughts on them. Um today we're talking about all about people-pleasing and stuff like that.

[00:00:12]Let's jump into the submission.

[00:00:14]At New Year's, a friend made the resolution to be less of a people-pleaser.

[00:00:18]It struck me in particular because I failed to see how making others happier is a bad thing, especially if you get joy from their happiness. Love to hear your thoughts on this. By the way, >> [music] >> what language is that in your most recent video? Well, I speedrun, you know, quick little tidbit, I speedrun in the language Norwegian as it makes like search crafting basically using the little search bar, um little book.

[00:00:41]It just makes crafting easier. It's a little tech I've learned um through my days of speedrunning. Anyway, let's jump into the topic of people-pleasing and stuff like that.

[00:00:51]Being a people-pleaser is kind of strange and I've grown up always trying to be a people-pleaser, you know, as much as possible because like kind of similar to how you think about it, why is it a bad thing to make others happy?

[00:01:06]And I think there's levels to being a quote-unquote people-pleaser.

[00:01:11]If you're just, you know, going out of your day to maybe compliment somebody or you're just doing like small things, then you're not I wouldn't call you a people-pleaser. You're just a good person being nice, you know?

[00:01:24]Um but a people-pleaser is something else.

[00:01:28]A people-pleaser is whenever you like you start kind of sacrificing yourself a little bit in order for others.

[00:01:37]Let's say that you just made yourself a nice, beautiful pie, right? It smells amazing, you used all your favorite ingredients, and you have your friends over to eat some.

[00:01:46]And your friends are really hungry.

[00:01:48]Well, you don't want them to, you know, not eat enough, so you offer them to take the first bites, to take take the first slices.

[00:01:55]So, they go, they take as much as they and now there's plenty left for you.

[00:01:59]But, what if they're still going to be hungry after they eat their slices? So, you leave it.

[00:02:05]You leave it in hopes that maybe if they're still hungry, they'll come back for it, and you'll get your slice eventually.

[00:02:10]You know, you'll you'll get your you'll you'll have your turn. But, you need to make sure they're happy and they're full.

[00:02:15]So, you wait.

[00:02:17]Maybe they come back and grab seconds, but by the time that you get to eat, well, there's no pie.

[00:02:25]And all of that time you spent making that with all your favorite ingredients and stuff, you don't get to have any. Sure, they're happy. They had all, you know, the food they want. They're full. They're They loved it.

[00:02:36]But, you didn't get any of it.

[00:02:40]Because you wanted them to be happy.

[00:02:43]This is an analogy I think that can translate to more than just pie.

[00:02:48]Doing stuff, sacrificing the happiness of yourself for the happiness of others.

[00:02:53]We often see it in friendships, you know, relationships, all this stuff, but it can be seen everywhere.

[00:02:59]I'm actually going to include a little clip here of American Baron and what he says about it.

[00:03:03]Hey, do you want some coffee? Oh, are you going to have some? Well, on- only if you will. I'll I'll I'll only have a cup if you're making some anyway. Um are you making some anyway? Well, only if you'd like some. I'd only have some if you're having some.

[00:03:16]>> Well, if you're having some, I'll join you. So, I'll Yeah, I'll have some.

[00:03:18]>> Right, but are you having some apart from me? Like Like if I weren't here, would would you still make some?

[00:03:22]>> Uh well, no. But, since you're here, I'll make some.

[00:03:25]>> As you can imagine, this stuff can get pretty tiring, especially for the people talking to the people-pleaser. You know, it's hard to really continue a productive conversation with someone who's just trying to kind of please you. I don't know. It's not a fun dynamic. Kind of imagine yourself in that situation where you're trying to talk to somebody, and it's like talking to AI nowadays, where they're always trying to reaffirm whatever you say to it.

[00:03:51]You know?

[00:03:52]It's weird. And I think your friend's onto something about trying to be less of a people pleaser.

[00:04:01]Because well, of course, it is a good thing to make people happy and make people feel good.

[00:04:05]It's also important to make yourself happy.

[00:04:07]Prioritize what you want. Think about what you want. Take yourself into consideration.

[00:04:13]Because I don't think enough people do.

[00:04:15]I think a lot of people forget themselves in each equation of life. I think a lot of people disregard what they think about it because oh, people have more better opinions than mine, you know, they're scared to speak up in fields they're passionate about because well, the leaders of the field have dominated for so long. Clearly their ideas have to be good.

[00:04:35]Clearly, I you know, I haven't been here very long, so why should I say anything?

[00:04:41]But I think that it is really important to just speak your mind.

[00:04:48]And again, prioritize yourself.

[00:04:51]You get joy from other people's happiness, sure.

[00:04:54]But joy is a matter of you being happy.

[00:05:00]You know, you get your own happiness by doing something to make you feel happy.

[00:05:06]And sure, you know, you can feel happy from pleasing other people. I'm not saying just ignore everyone else because there's a line between being a people pleaser and being selfish.

[00:05:15]You know, there's a line between those two. You got to be careful. But think about what you want. Next time you're making that pie, next time you're you know, you're using all your favorite ingredients, take the first slice. Take the first batch, you know?

[00:05:30]Don't be scared.

[00:05:33]Because you made it. You made the pie.

[00:05:35]You're in control of this.

[00:05:37]Uh if I'm, you know, sitting there someone makes me food, you know, or some equivalent, I'm not going to be mad if they take the whole thing if they made it.

[00:05:47]>> [laughter] >> Cuz they made it, you know? If the intention was for them. I I think I think you understand what I'm getting at here.

[00:05:56]It's not great to be a people pleaser.

[00:05:58]It's not great to just always make other people satisfied.

[00:06:01]It's important to kind of think about what they even think of that.

[00:06:04]Are they happy that all you're doing is, you know, trying to make them happy?

[00:06:09]Cuz I know I've been in a relationship before and I spent so much of my time just trying to make sure that they were feeling all right. And every time my emotions were brought up, you know, every time my feelings were brought up, I would just push it off and say, "No, no, no, no, I'm okay. I'm okay. We need to focus on you."

[00:06:25]And that affected them, believe it or not.

[00:06:28]I honestly think it made them feel worse.

[00:06:31]Because I wasn't honest with them and they didn't actually know how I felt.

[00:06:36]And that affected the relationship really heavy.

[00:06:41]It's a two-way street.

[00:06:44]It's a two-way street.

[00:06:46]So, yeah. I think it's good to be less of a people pleaser. I think it's good to, you know, really try and strive to be, you know, just constantly supporting other people and giving yourself credit where credit's due.

[00:07:01]And if you're not in this, you know, tunnel, you don't really understand, I hope this helps kind of paint a picture of why people don't like being a people pleaser.

[00:07:09]Because people don't like people pleasers.

[00:07:12]I think nowadays, you know, in this age where technology is so available and everything, of course, I think people are starting to realize this. You know, people are starting to realize one, maybe I don't like people pleasers and two, maybe I don't want to be a people pleaser.

[00:07:25]The negative effects are being shown.

[00:07:27]And of course, again, not saying be a super selfish person, but make it about yourself sometimes.

[00:07:39]Just go for it. Make it about yourself.

[00:07:40]Why not?

[00:07:42]Something else I want to briefly touch on before, you know, this snug talk is over is just remember that you have feelings, too.

[00:07:49]Again, touching on the more heavier subject of, you know, relationships and friendships and all that.

[00:07:54]It's a two-way street, like I said earlier. It's it's not just them, you know, whatever you think about, "Oh, I you know, I think my girlfriend's so awesome. I'm so happy we've been together for so long."

[00:08:08]She chose you, too.

[00:08:10]You didn't just choose her and now it's magical and all that. You chose each other.

[00:08:16]You know?

[00:08:18]It's a two-way street.

[00:08:20]So, don't try to, you know, spend all your time pleasing her because in a way, if you have signed up for this relationship, you know you're getting yourself into you know that you're kind of doing it for the benefit of each other. You both want to be there. Or else you probably one of you would not and you would say, "Hey, goodbye." you know?

[00:08:40]But no, one of you probably want to be there.

[00:08:43]At least, hopefully. Um I'm sure that's the case. Um but seriously, it's a two-way street.

[00:08:51]And I think really often we can get so caught up in other people's emotions that we forget to give ourselves the care that we need.

[00:09:01]And then we get in this cycle of we feel bad, but we don't want to say anything because that could make them feel bad.

[00:09:07]So, let me stay silent so they won't feel bad. I am feeling worse because of this, but I got to please them. Again, people pleaser. I got to make sure they're happy. If they're not happy, I'm doing something [music] wrong. It's my fault. No, it's not.

[00:09:22]No, it's not. You don't got You don't govern their happiness. You're not the one in control of how they feel every single day of their life.

[00:09:31]You're in control of your own life.

[00:09:33]That's your responsibility. You're there to make each other happier. You're a plus one, not an entirety of a person.

[00:09:39]That's why people say other half.

[00:09:41]Because you are [music] still your full being even if they're not there.

[00:09:45]So, take care of yourself, prioritize yourself, and do something nice for yourself today.

[00:09:50]Thank you for watching. If you have any other topics you'd like me to talk about, there's an anonymous form, link in description.

[00:09:55]Thank you for watching, [music] and I'll see you later.