Staring Into the Abyss Willingly Changes You

Added: 2026-05-30

[00:00:00]MORTY, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T DROP THE TRUTH TO also really important. Whatever you do, DON'T LOOK INTO ITS EYES. I >> I DID LOOK AT IT, RICK. I've been looking at it.

[00:00:07]>> NOW YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW EVERYTHING, MORTY. GOOD JOB. WAY TO GO. You everything up.

[00:00:13]>> It's in my head.

[00:00:16]>> The ego is the system that runs your sense of self. It is made out of thought patterns, emotions, and behavioral loops, and the stories that try to hold it all together. Left unchecked, it creates endless existential searching, chronic disconnection, and the persistent sense that something is wrong. The goal of my videos is clarity.

[00:00:33]To see your identity and its contradictions for what they are, named precisely, to finally understand what it is that we're all running away from. In life, there will come multiple points where you are forced to look into the abyss. You will be confronted by something that scares you immensely.

[00:00:50]either the nature of loss, your own mortality, or just your impermanent nature. And when you're confronted with the immensity of it, then you can have two responses. You either run away in fear or you directly move towards it.

[00:01:09]Depending on what re reaction you have, you might experience the difference between a frightening moment and 10 years of anxiety and depression. Why does the body work like this? If you're confronted with something that scares you, your body goes into a sort of survival mode and has to wonder if it is worthy enough to run away from or if you can manage it while being present. If you are running away from an existential realization that feels metaphysical or too grounded and just say if you are scared because you notice how everything withers and dies away and you're scared of your own death. Now the fear is abstract. It is something that the mind kind of makes up. And of course death is real like you can actually die like your physical body disintegrates and you stop existing. But the fear in the moment of a state of being dead for example is made up by the mind. It is the anticipation that creates fear. Now if you are suddenly running away from such a thing as death. Now you will always be running away from your own life. There will be always a sudden sensation that tells you that you shouldn't stay in the same place for too long because it is unsafe. Now you have trained the nervous system to be scared of your own presence.

[00:02:40]Death is actually found in experience in momentto- moment life. And it is found here because there is no moment that ever stays. So our actual real relationship with death is more the relationship with time and movement and how nothing can stay the same. seeing clearly how much nothing stays the same.

[00:03:07]Like from 1 minute to 1 minute to 1 second to 1 second to one microcond to one microcond you might get lost and start to feel that you are dissolving into life or that you are dying while still having a sort of experience and it can be very trippy. And here there's the sense of falling into an abyss, for example, that can also be found when you are deep into nihilism or when you're deep into depression.

[00:03:34]The problem isn't the abyss itself.

[00:03:37]Because the abyss, what it really is doing is it's revealing to you the endless nature of the universe, the endless nature of existence. There's no way you can contain it. You're looking at the infinite time. you're going to be dead and extrapolating the immense amount of fear and putting it into the present moment. And if you now run away, it has to be haunting you because it is everywhere. You're running away from the nature of reality itself.

[00:04:08]And this can also be used as an explanation of all sorts of stuff that happen to us as humans. And it's not that you need to look at gore videos online in order to confront all of reality. This this is not productive. It is just muing in your own suffering. But if there's something that has happened in your life or you are confronted with in your life right now, if you're running away from it, it will haunt you. And looking straight into it, you will make your peace with it. That's it. That's the video. You can turn off now. No. Um, the abyss is really the feeling of falling and seeing the endless nature of reality itself. It is the sense that there's endless depth to it that gives the feeling that there is an abyss that there's something you're going to be sucked towards. When I had my ego death experience, I always describe it this way. Instead of me perceiving experience through my senses outward in it was as if my sense of self got sucked inward out towards all experience itself and then all experience had this endless quality but I was falling into the abyss because I was removing the distance between me and my sense of experience.

[00:05:37]As long as you have a sort of duality between you internally and the world externally, there's always this like pull and push dynamic with loving your current experience or fearing your current experience. Wanting more of your current state or wanting less of your current state. And then the ego is the mechanism that basically tries to control for it. And the sense of abyss is how much or that the entire extent to which to which the ego has zero control at all. So by moving towards the sense of dissolution and accepting the sense of dissolution either experientially right here right now or in the abstract as understanding the inevitable demise of your body. You remove the gap between you and all of the the abyss and then you become one with it and it makes it so that then the the the abyss disappears or you might also say it stares back at you because yeah you become it. This makes it so that if you run away you will get haunted exactly by the same force because the same force is actually yourself.

[00:06:56]You are always the abyss. That's where you came from. This is why we're here.

[00:07:03]Nobody has a precise explanation if this abyss is God created by some higher power, a virtual simulation, or the natural course of physical properties.

[00:07:17]But all these overlays and narratives about what it means to exist pales in comparison to immediate contact with set abyss with complete acceptance of your own everchanging nature.

[00:07:33]Momento mori is the virtue of remembering death. And remembering death you gain a deeper appreciation of how odd it is to be alive and how you can truly not take your life for granted.

[00:07:47]There's something that death reveals that is actually peaceful. And if you've lived a somewhat okay life and actually I've heard this even from people who regretted a lot of the life choices, the closer you moving towards the end of your life, there's for a lot of people an immense love that suddenly emerges where they appreciate their own existence more. It is quite I wouldn't say easy but it is common like it's the cliche of the old wise man. And why is that the case? Well, after a certain age it becomes much more difficult to be attached to worldly success and needing to be validated by by others and showing yourself to be a certain way because after a certain age you've had enough experience to understand what it means to be alive. how small you really are, but also what an impact you have as a person. Everything becomes clearer.

[00:08:50]Even with let's say mediocre levels of yeah psychological introspection, it is in natural part to either drift into yeah wisdom with age or ignorance is also very common. And with ignorance, I don't even mean this negatively. I just mean stuff stops to interest you and therefore you start to be disconnected with a lot of information. That's just typical typical boomer vibes. But then there's also this this ability to become scared and dejected from life where you're just very much frustrated. And that's the the grumpy old man archetype.

[00:09:26]And all of these different ways to relate with Yeah. the their their own death changes the archetype. they transform into and how well have they been able to look into the abyss from like an early age. The earlier you can do this, the more natural you're going to grow up because you're not going to hold on to this idea that you should be somewhere. This is so common in all generations. Always the sense that I should be already at X place in my life.

[00:10:00]I should have already done the thing. I should have already accomplished this.

[00:10:03]And then you're always being dragged down by this weird should that somehow has implanted yourself into the mind.

[00:10:10]And this sense that you should be somewhere else is also an avoidance mechanism of looking directly into the abyss because it is your entire life that makes you up into who you are. You cannot go and take everything that you ever wanted and then just have it with the snap of your fingers and then also at the same time experience the fullness of being a human because it requires the entire package of the transformation. And even then, there's nothing really guaranteed because yeah, the abyss only guarantees your own disillusion at the end. To understand your relationship with the abyss and why your body reacts in one way or another is deeply helpful in yeah, this existential pondering because once you're not scared of the abyss anymore, then a lot of ways to look at life opens up. a lot of ways that might seem too weird or too esoteric or yeah too mystical stops feeling that way. And it mostly is because when you look into the abyss, you open up your heart. You experience more sensations. You experience more emotions and you let go of your defenses that create the sense of separation. And by doing so, you have the ability to move towards something that is higher than yourself, that is beyond this small configuration that you're currently in.

[00:11:53]And this implies both in a cosmical sense but also in in personal way like how can you in your current circumstance find the power to transform into something else to show that you don't need anything specific to change your environment because you have the highest power fuel of it all and it's just the pure void energy the pure potential of anything you want to be manifest. And the important way to do this is to not cling to some sort of vision and need this vision to be the case, which if you want to be f fueled by egoic suffering, it also does work.

[00:12:38]But if you that's by the way the the the spiritual idea of having a pack with the devil, right? You you use all of your ego in order to get what you want, but at the end of the day, you're going to be worse off for it. But if you do the opposite and you let go into nothingness, then all opens up because it was always the barriers of your own ego that caused you to be stuck where you are now.

[00:13:06]To understand, I can help you understand where I can help you see where the notes of your identity are and what is causing you to be stuck in your current Yeah.

[00:13:18]consciousness configuration. To understand how my process works, click at the link in the description where you can read my ego architecture audit. I used to frequent a software that called tanotophobia a lot. And I uh liked to read these reports of people who yeah basically have a intense fear of death.

[00:13:36]The typical fear that is manifested there is yeah this fear of being stuck in an endless void. It's like the ego imagines itself to be existing while dead and then just feels its own absence in this very yeah abstract way. It makes it believe it can be dead but then at the same time is so scared that there's actually nothing at all and then it causes this friction constantly to want to run away from yeah your own life. Paradoxically enough, it is the case that when you die, at least from like the human bi biological perspective, the entire universe ceases to exist. And that's what's so trippy about it because it is the entire universe that exists in your head. And it's the entire universe that ceases to exist when you die. And I don't mean this in the literal way, of course, right? Because you are not like your physical body is not dependent on the universe.

[00:14:39]But for you it might as well be literal because you're going to cease in this.

[00:14:45]Yeah. From this plane of existence. And it it is common for me to ground people into the actuality of existence. And yeah, the the real impact that you have on reality and all of this transcendental conscious stuff can be a bit trippy and ungrounding for for some people. But it is also important to share a light on the fact to the extent to which the abyss is real and the extent to which all of your existence is pretty much yeah a simulation run up by your own mind. And what it truly implies to be a simulation is a video that you can see here. Oh jeez. I I can't get that truth tortoise out of my head.

[00:15:30]>> Yeah, I told you not to look into its eyes.