What if Stranger Things Was an '80s Cartoon?

追加: 2026-06-04

[00:00:00]Hit show Stranger Things recently dropped an animated spin-off which claims to be just like a classic 1980s cartoon. Only problem is this couldn't look less authentically retro if it tried. It's just the every 2020s cartoon production ever aesthetic in all its pseudo artisal glory. And that's not very totally tubular if you ask me. So that got me thinking, what would it look like if Stranger Things really was a genuine Saturday morning cartoon from the year of the Goon? Well, I'm here to show you. So, Lego your egos and cower your bungers, dudes, because we're taking an unsupervised bike ride back from the future. Welcome to the ancient primordial year of 1985.

[00:00:44]Coming to you from beautiful downtown Fortitude Valley, it's the Harry Gold Show with your host, Harry Gold.

[00:00:57]Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the program. Stranger Things, for those unfamiliar, is about increasingly gangly no lifers from nowhere, Indiana, who team up with baby Shenado Connor to tussle with a fleshy interdimensional freak show. And as I'm sure you saw, the reception for the final season was mixed. But ever the optimist, this series still intends to lurch on for all eternity. Thusly, a bouncing baby animated spin-off was born. Stranger Things: Bite of 87. I mean, Tales from the Pizza Plex. I mean, Tales from 85.

[00:01:33]And they really, really, really want you to know it's like an 80s cartoon. The reveal teaser opened not with footage of the show, but the creators just sitting around reiterating precisely what decade of animation they're nostalgia baiting you with, which begs the question, why does it just look like Arcane? Not only did fully CGI shows simply not exist yet in the 80s, but you could not possibly choose a less classic and more aggressively now aesthetic than Telltale Walking Dead with RTX on. You should have given us Ninja Turtles, not Ninja Turtles. So, if we're reimagining this thing as an authentic '8s Saturday morning cartoon style spin-off, where better to start than just making it look like one? That's so crazy it might just work. You won't believe how 80s this will get. I'll shove Rick Ashley so far up their leg warmers they'll cough up cabbage patch kids. For starters, everything back then was 2D. I'm talking flat as last week's Mr. Pib. UVs unmapped, subsurface unscattered, and near array to be traced. In fact, computers weren't even invited to the party. Each frame was a real photograph of a real drawing made by really nicotine addicted artists, which is something we ought to be at least trying to evoke, even if we can only do so digitally, especially the nicotine. But before we continue, this episode of the Harry Gold Show was brought to you by Opera.

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[00:03:57]There was also a very specific feel to human characters back then. In between the militantly stylized designs of decades prior and gruesome degree of abstraction in years to come, the wear era saw more representational designs become the new kids on the programming block. Now, I suspect this is because so many Saturday morning cartoons were made to sell action figures, and nobody would buy a G.I. Joe shaped like Captain Caveman. But as this Stranger Things spin-off cartoon is also just one big franchise tie-in, I think it's safe to say they'd have also followed this route. More of our Toon Friends fashion trends include swaddling yourself in shading and sporting a bodacious pair of big shiny eyes. Over-the-top cutesiness was also in vogue under Reagan's watch, probably because the cartoons that weren't action figure ads were hawking plush toys instead. So kid characters like these were especially prone to her merchandisability makeovers. Though the most important aspect of the 80s Saturday morning aesthetic might just be the likenesses, or rather the jarring lack thereof. In the real Stranger Things cartoon, fidelity to the faces of the original show is about as consistent as an epileptic woodpecker. Some are instantly recognizable, while others look like the intern's girlfriend designed them in Tomodachi Life. But as much as it pains me as a professionally published caricatururist, I actually have to take the side of the dud likenesses. 80s Saturday morning cartoons are always miserably misily moneygrubbing cash-ins. And guess what?

[00:05:25]Likeness rights cost more money than 0.

[00:05:29]Which means just like every animated spin-off of the era, we need to find that weird middle ground where you can tell who all the characters are supposed to be, but Millie Bobby Brown can't sue our mullets off for shoplifting her face. We also need to bear in mind that the action figures we'll be selling based on this cartoon, the main reason it's being made, of course, need to be as distinct from each other as possible so parents can be badgered into buying all of them for their kids. That means exaggerating their differences, like making Will Buyers even smaller and more kidnappable. Speaking of selling toys, let's talk new characters. Now, if this were my TV project, I'd have said the most 80s move there is would be to add a vehemently merchandisable new creature sidekick that is so obnoxiously tooth achingly cute it goes full circle and kind of makes your skin crawl. We're selling Ewoks, Gremlins, and ET all rolled up into one toy exec's money printing fever dream. It'd probably be some kind of sickly sweet little baby demogorgan type critter that waddled out of the upside down and is somehow the one good one that befriends our heroes.

[00:06:34]Canon where we're going, we don't need canon. Can't sell lore in a keychain, friend. Ain't no sweet little girls going to bed at night hugging their big soft fluffy plush toy of consistent worldb building. But of course, that's not what the Duffer brothers actually did. So, let's take a gander at their choice of new character for this spin-off. One Miss Nikki Baxter.

[00:06:58]I'm sorry, that seems to have been a mixup. I wanted to see your design for a new character in an 80s set cartoon, not your arcane OC. I mean, what in the name of Concord is this? You couldn't contrive a more blatant corporate amalgam of what the suits think is hip with the kids in 2020. Now, technically, you might have been able to find a lady in 1985 misguided enough to think this is a good look. But contrary to what the propagandists at Futurama would have you believe, technically correct is in fact the worst kind of correct cuz TV shows don't come with footnotes to let you I'm actually your audience. And the reality is brrawy middle school girls with Pepto-P painted mohawks and more shrapnel in them than Fitty Cent were already a rarity in real life back then.

[00:07:43]In the sanitized corporate approved cartoon world of 1985, they were non-existent. No, a kid-friendly punk girl character would be much more sanitized and feminine and normie approved and less like she's about to bean someone with a molotov cocktail.

[00:08:00]But even aside from the art style, nothing in this show really evokes the feel of a now middle-aged cartoon.

[00:08:05]Anyhow, instead of the standard 52 episode monster of the week slopfest, that was the style at the time, this show is a single continuous 10-p part narrative, as is the style at this very minute. The premise is set between season 2 and three of the main show.

[00:08:20]Alien spores from the upside down infect some of the local vegetation, spawning vine monsters and pumpkin monsters and also a shark bug that swims through snow somehow. This could have been a great weekly format for a Saturday morning cartoon. Every episode, the spores infect some new random thing, a pumpkin, a rat, a pizza, and turn it into a monster, which the Hawkins Investigators Club has to take care of. Instead, the main way they attempt to convince you it feels like four Republican presidents ago is by bashing you upside the scone with it. They constantly blare licensed8s music that no cartoon then could have afforded while turning every other line of dialogue into a pop culture name drop. Everything that ever happens reminds someone of Rambo or He-Man or Male Gorbachov's birthmark. In fact, the only realistic Saturday morning cartoon move they pulled is recasting all the characters with actors you haven't heard of that don't charge anywhere near as much. Plus, animated kids don't age. They stay hermetically sealed in cartoon carbonite. Instead of looking twice as old as they're supposed to be, cuz we keep going years between seasons. Oh, and seeing as a lot of people don't even seem to realize this cartoon happened, here's my quick review for anyone who's interested. So, my art style gripes aside, it's kind of a return to the feel of the first couple seasons of the show. So, if you like those, you'll probably enjoy this one.

[00:09:43]Nikki strains plausibility a bit, and you'll especially feel that at the climax. But overall, it's decently entertaining. I give it an 11 out of 10.

[00:09:52]Ah, see what I did there?

[00:09:55]Sponsor me Netflix. And one last thing before we wrap up here, the other quintessential '8s cartoon must that's conspicuously absent here is a theme song. This show has the same deal as the liveaction one, >> but real Saturday morning cartoon intros had lyrics and explained the show. Sort of like this.

[00:10:17]>> Stranger Things.

[00:10:20]Stranger Things.

[00:10:24]Stranger things will happen is what they'll say to you. But a monsters from another world will change your point of view.

[00:10:37]When Mike met a psychic girl, his world turned upside down. Now his gang of friends will have to fight to save their town.

[00:10:45]Stranger Things.

[00:10:48]Stranger Things.

[00:10:52]11. Can't pick up a truck. using ESP and yet Mike's the leader cuz he DMs DND comedy relief. Always eating snacks. Too bad he got less funny. Once Buzz's teeth grew back is the very important rider friend. Once the spell is over, you won't see her again. Lucas is the black one and has ginger hair. Yeah, that's really all there is to say about this pair. Since we're in the 80s, Will's not the gay one. Yes, they'll reccon him in 40 years to please the internet.

[00:11:26]>> Stranger Things.

[00:11:29]Stranger Things.

[00:11:32]Stranger Things.

[00:11:41]Let's play a game. I'll draw someone famous and three people that guess who it is in the comments will get a shout out in the next episode. If your guess last time was actress Cynthia Orivo, then you are absolutely correct.

[00:11:51]Cynthia's rule from the wheel of winners is the three correct guesses that are the most characters long. Duck position was a comparatively highf flyier, swooping to first place with 571 characters. Dr. Detective was no quack, easily finding their way to second at 338. Then Jake Miller was also top tier, 337 characters, ranking him third. Well done everyone. Thanks for playing. This week's subject has a nose so plentiful in its corpulence that it is rumored to honk if squeezed. Their brow is so heavy it has to ride in a separate elevator.

[00:12:24]And in search of the tallest, craggiest spot, this person has been known to go bouldering on their own forehead.

[00:12:33]Now, who could this be?

[00:12:39]If you know who that was, let us know in the comments. And don't forget to subscribe for more videos. It'll turn that frown upside down. But this has been the Harry Gold Show. So until next time, stay safe and God bless.

[00:13:07]Heat. Heat.