Why Am I Not Enlightened Yet?

Added: 2026-05-07

[00:00:00]This might sound crazy to say, but hear me out.

[00:00:03]What if you're not enlightened yet because you're believing in the thoughts, "I'm not enlightened yet."

[00:00:13]Because have you been researching, watching videos, or reading books on awakening for ages now, but you still believe that you haven't felt the real shift.

[00:00:24]It feels frustrating, exhausting, constantly having to maintain an illusory separate itself.

[00:00:31]All you want is that big aha moment, or at least just something, a proper click where the penny drops and you say, "Ah, this is it."

[00:00:44]The problem isn't that awakening hasn't happened yet.

[00:00:47]It's that the thought sensation pattern that says, "Me who is not awake" is still believed in.

[00:00:56]The real "Oh, this is it" moment happens when you see that not awake is just another appearance appearing in this awake awareness that you are.

[00:01:09]Now I get it. You don't want to kid yourself. You don't want to claim being awake or enlightened because that would be pompous.

[00:01:18]And you don't want to claim something that you don't believe that you feel, like if you don't feel awake and at peace, well, then you're obviously not there. That's what the thoughts say.

[00:01:30]Your desire for awakening is sincere and actually necessary, but this constant identification with the sleeping seeker isn't helping either.

[00:01:42]The main confusion is that two different things are being mixed together.

[00:01:47]Number one, awakening as the recognition of what really is, and number two, awakening as a state, ecstasy, attainment, or some kind of final relief.

[00:02:01]But recognition is not an experience that the seeker finally gets.

[00:02:06]Recognition is seeing that the seeker, the frustration, the sense of "I'm not awake," and the longing for liberation are all appearing in and as this same aware reality.

[00:02:22]Part of the confusion and frustration is that there's still thoughts arising within you that say awakening has to arrive at something, a shift, an event, a special experience, or even a modest confirmation that something has finally happened.

[00:02:40]And these thoughts are being believed in and identified with, making that your perceived reality.

[00:02:48]But you're not asking me to teach you and to correct you. You're [snorts] asking for the actual collapse of the belief, "This is me, the failed seeker."

[00:03:00]And the collapse of the uncomfortable felt contraction in the body that comes with it.

[00:03:05]You want the "Ah, this is how it is" moment, not a deflating technical explanation that no event is coming.

[00:03:14]Look, the sentence "I am not awake" is not actually proof of being unaware.

[00:03:21]It is a thought form appearing in this awareness.

[00:03:25]So ask yourself the question, is the one who's awake, is the one who's aware of that thought itself frustrated, old, tired, or incomplete?

[00:03:39]Or are those just thoughts and sensations appearing in this unmovable awake awareness of you?

[00:03:47]You see, in Advaita terms, the problem is adhyasa, which means superimposition.

[00:03:55]We already are this awake awareness, yet we superimpose this separate self on top of it.

[00:04:02]When you're watching a movie, all that's really there is a screen with dancing colored lights.

[00:04:10]But those lights appear in the shape of a person, and we superimpose the idea that there's actually someone there when it's just dancing lights.

[00:04:22]The real you, this effortless awareness, is being mixed up with the body mind's history.

[00:04:29]I've been doing this for years. I'm exhausted. I'm not awake. I'm not enlightened. I'm failing.

[00:04:35]Those are relatively real appearances, but they are not the self.

[00:04:40]And you don't need to beat yourself up for it, either.

[00:04:44]In another nondual tradition, Kashmir Shaivism, awareness is not just passive knowing.

[00:04:51]It's an inherent dynamic power, the power by which it manifests, conceals itself from itself, and then recognizes itself again.

[00:05:03]>> [snorts] >> So we don't treat longing for awakening as merely an egoic desire.

[00:05:10]At the deepest level, it is understood as consciousness appearing as movement towards recognizing its own nature.

[00:05:19]>> [snorts] >> Consciousness falls asleep in its own dream, forgets itself, and then wakes back up to itself in its own dream.

[00:05:29]Consciousness, in its essential nature, is limitless, infinite.

[00:05:36]In other words, you, in your essential nature, are limitless, infinite.

[00:05:44]But in order to appear as something, it appears to split and contract itself into a limited human entity appearing in a world.

[00:05:54]You see, a movie screen in its default state is just a blank canvas with no contrast.

[00:06:01]In order to appear to itself, it has to appear as all of this contrast and shape that's not really there. It's really just the equal expanse of the screen.

[00:06:14]It appears as shape and color, and then we go, "That's a real person."

[00:06:20]So because consciousness is appearing through limitation, the idea "I am separate, I am an incomplete person" can appear.

[00:06:32]And by your own power alone can be believed in and turned into personal seeking.

[00:06:39]This is then reinforced to be made to feel real by contraction in the body appearing as uncomfortable bodily sensation.

[00:06:48]But you don't need to kill the longing.

[00:06:51]You don't need to kill the longing. The longing is sacred. You instead stop believing that the longing is a sign that you're not awake. And instead, notice as thoughts and sensations appearing in you awareness.

[00:07:06]Notice that the real you, awareness, embraces these thoughts and sensations effortlessly and without resistance.

[00:07:14]And rest awake and aware in this knowledge.

[00:07:19]Your longing for enlightenment is not just object seeking or experience seeking. I mean, technically it is, but that's not the full picture.

[00:07:31]The desire itself is not the problem.

[00:07:34]The desire is shakti, the dynamic energy of this awareness appearing as desire-shaped thoughts and sensations.

[00:07:45]The problem is the longing thoughts are being believed in.

[00:07:50]"I'm longing for awakening. I don't feel awake, so I must not be."

[00:07:56]You say, "I want the truth. I want awakening."

[00:07:59]But the conclusion is, "So it's not here and I don't have it."

[00:08:04]The conclusion is your mistake.

[00:08:07]Your frustration that sometimes boils into anger or rage is not an obstacle to awakening.

[00:08:14]The frustration is the current form of thoughts and sensations appearing within you.

[00:08:20]It's the separate self illusion doing its thing.

[00:08:25]You may have believed that you need to get rid of it to be awake, or to get it to say, "Now I get it. Now I'm awake." But you don't.

[00:08:35]You just have to see its nature.

[00:08:38]It's not you.

[00:08:40]It's appearances within you.

[00:08:42]Stop hypnotizing yourself with the appearance and rest as the awareness that they appear in.

[00:08:50]Because if you feel like you want to hit your head against the wall because maybe that will be the thing that finally wakes you up, or at least an expression of your frustration that it's never coming, simply notice this.

[00:09:03]That's not really you.

[00:09:06]That's you, consciousness, identifying as a separate self that's trying to wake itself up through brute force.

[00:09:14]But it can't produce freedom, as you know, because it's already made of it.

[00:09:20]It can't produce freedom because it's already made of freedom.

[00:09:26]The freedom of you, consciousness, to identify as a sleeping, limited entity.

[00:09:33]So the key question is, right now, what exactly is the one who's not awake?

[00:09:40]Not philosophically, but in actual reality.

[00:09:45]Look really closely. Is it a thought, "I'm not enlightened yet"?

[00:09:52]Is it a sensation, tightness in the chest, pressure in the head, heaviness in the belly, or is it a mental image?

[00:10:03]A mental picture of me as a failed seeker on this path for so long and still not getting it.

[00:10:10]When you look closely, the unawake me is not an entity.

[00:10:15]It's a bundle of thoughts, sensations, mental images, and memory all appearing in this awake awareness that you are.

[00:10:24]So, if you want the big aha moment, stop looking for it where it isn't.

[00:10:30]Stop looking for your thoughts and sensations and inner state change.

[00:10:36]Instead, just notice it as appearances, forms, dancing lights on the screen of consciousness.

[00:10:45]Now, try to find the one who's been failing to get enlightenment all these years.

[00:10:51]Where is it?

[00:10:54]Does it have any existence outside of memory, thought, sensation?

[00:11:01]Can you find it existing anywhere stably?

[00:11:07]If not, then what exactly has been unawake for all these years?

[00:11:15]And who's the one who's aware of them?

[00:11:18]Not another thought of an enlightened person, but this aware presence.

[00:11:24]Because this aware presence is not 30, 40, 70, or 80 years old.

[00:11:30]It just is.

[00:11:33]It hasn't been seeking for decades.

[00:11:35]It's not tired or exhausted.

[00:11:38]The body mind is, but that's not essentially you. It's an appearance within you.

[00:11:45]Even if the body may feel exhausted, awareness is always effortlessly lucid.

[00:11:51]The thoughts might say, "I'll never be awake."

[00:11:55]But awareness is awake to that.

[00:11:58]So, [snorts] don't try to make the person feel like the piece of awareness before recognizing that the person appears in the piece of awareness.

[00:12:09]Because you see, the primary recognition is not in the mind.

[00:12:14]It's in the silence.

[00:12:17]It's not in the thoughts saying, "I'm awake now."

[00:12:21]It's in this a lucid awareness being lucid to itself.

[00:12:25]Now, it might be reflected in the mind.

[00:12:29]Alex comes on here and talks about awakening.

[00:12:32]The mind might say to start to say, "Yeah, I can actually understand this now.

[00:12:37]I do actually get it."

[00:12:39]But that's not where it starts. It's a silent recognition that the mind catches up to.

[00:12:46]I mean, I've worked with quite a few who have said in session 1, 2, and 3 that they still don't get it.

[00:12:53]Only to later admit that perhaps they were glimpsing something and that the mind had just not caught on to it yet.

[00:13:01]That spark of awareness aware to itself.

[00:13:04]So, the exhausted seeker pattern does not need to be dismissed as just more seeking.

[00:13:12]It needs to be recognized as an appearance in this awareness and investigated into its apparent solidity and consistency is seen to be nonexistent.

[00:13:24]But the fact that it's ultimately ultimately an illusion doesn't mean that it needs to be judged, slapped in the face to wake up, or dismissed as just stupid.

[00:13:37]It's made of old fears, frustrations, anxieties, and nervous system traumas.

[00:13:43]The answer isn't just dismiss it as pure illusion, but to approach it with love.

[00:13:48]Yes, ultimately it's just a character, but the character doesn't collapse through brute force or intellectual reasoning.

[00:13:57]It collapses through love, patience, compassion, understanding, and real resolution.

[00:14:05]You see, all of this so-called dissatisfaction and seeking energy is being fueled by all of these suppressed emotions.

[00:14:13]Many of you say you want awakening, but what you really want is to feel better, which really is awakening disguised as what is natural.

[00:14:25]Awakening ends ignorance about who you are, but it doesn't end the nervous system.

[00:14:32]Old patterns of fear and frustration appear in this awareness, and enlightenment isn't all of that ending instantly.

[00:14:41]It's seeing that it's not what you essentially are.

[00:14:46]You are this imperturbable awareness.

[00:14:48]And so therefore all of these fears and frustrations cannot harm you.

[00:14:53]They don't touch what you essentially are.

[00:14:56]They are effortlessly embraced in this loving awareness that you are.

[00:15:01]Through this, they dissolve.

[00:15:04]So, don't try to judge it.

[00:15:07]Beat yourself up for not seeing it or try to force it.

[00:15:11]See that this is all appearances in the self.

[00:15:16]That seeing is the shift that you'll settle for and will gradually blossom into a felt peace, contentment, and effortless flow.

[00:15:25]Because you see, enlightenment, yes, it isn't an event.

[00:15:30]It's not a special occurrence that's coming in the future or something that you can lose.

[00:15:36]It's the recognition of what's already the case, what's already true, just seemingly obscured by all of these thoughts and feelings.

[00:15:46]But when you stop and you notice the gaps in between the thoughts, awareness is obviously present.

[00:15:55]It is always here anyway.

[00:15:58]To get the aha moment you want, see that the very one who's waiting for that event is not an entity.

[00:16:05]It's not you, but a seeking shaped form appearing within the peace that you are.

[00:16:11]It's a seeking shaped form appearing within this piece of awareness that you are.

[00:16:19]That's when it collapses.

[00:16:22]And all that's left is all that ever was to begin with.

[00:16:26]Presence, the real you.

[00:16:31]If you resonated with this video and got all the way to this point, you will receive great benefit from joining our course and community platform Awake and Embodied. There you will finally deeply understand and integrate awakening and move from intellectual knowledge and thinking about it to actually living awake and embodied. The whole process is there. Just visit the link in the description below.

[00:16:53]Peace.