What Happens When the Silence Hits? Dealing with Retirement Loneliness

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:06]As Paul McCartney once put it, look at all the lonely people. Where do they all come from?

[00:00:14]Maybe retirement.

[00:00:16]I'll be honest, when it comes to early retirement, there's nothing quite like taking off that lanyard and handing in the work pass, deleting the Slack or WhatsApp work group, and finally stopping having stress dreams about, you know, quarter 4 projections, hypers, chips, or whatever ridiculous acronym your company used. And yes, those terms, hypers and chips, were real terms used by my company for reporting. Yeah, you don't care. You're in early retirement.

[00:00:49]It's supposed to be all lions and long lunches and long walks like this, right?

[00:00:58]But then Tuesday morning hits, it's 10:00 a.m.

[00:01:04]and the house, it's silent. Your phone hasn't pinged once. And suddenly that quiet calendar, that peace from notifications and constant doorststepping we all dreamed about feels well a little bit deafening. You know, you suddenly feel very alone.

[00:01:26]Maybe you're feeling a bit untethered and you know that's okay. You're not failing at retirement. You've just hit that social cliff. And what I'm talking about today is why early retirement is often a broken promise when it comes to our social lives and why it's a big risk in the long run if you just neglect your loneliness and let it slide and how you can engineer a brand new tribe that actually makes this new adventure of early retirement worth living. So yeah, we're going to go on a journey on this one and it might get a little dark, but as ever, please stick with me for the light at the end of the video. Okay, let's do it. Don't get me wrong. I mean, personally, I love spending time on my own, you know, not being bothered by anyone or anything. So, I could just, you know, get on and do stuff or get on and do bugger all without someone nagging me or playing on my conscience that I should somehow be doing something, you know? Uh, no thank you.

[00:02:37]That's the one thing about being on your own and having true autonomy. But as anything in life, too much of a good thing and all that. I read some research that said three in five Americans say no one truly knows them. And in the UK, approximately 23 to 25% of adults report feeling lonely often, always, or some of the time. And chronic loneliness, feeling lonely often or always, affects about 6 to 7% of the population, which is nearly 4 million people. And according to our world in data, a lot of data today, but it it's going to serve a purpose, so trust me on this one.

[00:03:23]Approximately 33% of adults worldwide report feeling lonely. Now obviously that's going to vary among different cultures and you know finance situations and all that kind of stuff but the upshot of all of this is that the World Health Authority has recognized that loneliness is a global and public health priority. And they go on to note that social isolation affects people across all nations and all income levels. And to be clear, there's a big difference between social isolation, which refers to the objective lack of social contact, you know, fewer relationships, infrequent interaction and stuff like that, and loneliness, which is the subjective distress when the desired connection doesn't match reality. That's why you can be lonely even though you're surrounded with people. In researching about early retirement for this channel, please like and subscribe and all of that. The office wasn't just a place that you worked. It was a dopamine engine. Think about all those sort of random meetings and the coffee bar. It was on the sixth floor where I worked, which was the floor I worked, which was handy. Or that water cooler moment and stuff like that. It was all kind of low stakes accidental belonging. You didn't have to try to be social. It just kind of, you know, happened because of something called forced proximity. And I don't mean being forced to sit next to Joan from accounts and her daily microwaved fist for lunch. We've all been there. When we retire early, we lose those sort of micro interactions.

[00:05:07]You know, the shared jokes, the quick see the footy last night, mate. Shocking penalty decision chats. You know, I've spent a life with the super quick oneliner for those random interactions.

[00:05:21]And it might be a British thing, but that kind of random chat bant is a thing that we're brought up on. You know, being quick and sharp with a quick reply, you know, how's it hanging, mate?

[00:05:31]Straight down the middle. All that kind of nonsense. When we leave the workplace, we go from being passive consumers of a social life to having to be the architect of one. And for a lot of us, our social muscles have sort of atrophied a bit. When I first retired, I enjoyed popping to the coffee shop, just sitting there on my own, observing people, wondering, you know, what their backstory was, where they worked, what they were thinking at lunchtime, and having to go back to the office and all of that. Or walking around the garden center on a Monday morning, think, why is this place just full of really old people? And am I now one of these old people? and just, you know, absorbing the background chatter. And of course, the big question is, Clive, why does this all matter? Oh my gosh, this is all a bit depressing, isn't it, Clive? Okay, I get it. I'm not here to bring the mood down, but it's the it's the science, you know? It's always the science with these videos. Chronic loneliness has the same impact on our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Think about that. 15 cigarettes a day. It has the same health impact and it's linked to higher risks of heart disease and even cognitive decline. Excuse me. The same as smoking 15 cigarettes a day on your health.

[00:07:04]What? And chronic loneliness in the UK is associated with the following health risks. 26% increase in the risk of early mortality. 29% in the risk of coronary heart disease. 32% increase in the risk of stroke and 25% increase in the risk of dementia. So, uh yeah, loneliness is not something just to be dismissed. It might not feel that important now. As I said, I love being on my own now and then. It's absolutely great. I love that solitude. So, yeah, does it really matter, Clive, and all of that? I get it. It may not feel that important right now.

[00:07:46]But it's that slow drip drip drip into chronic loneliness that might happen because you know can't be bothered today. It's a bit like your health and fitness. You may think, well, I'm pretty healthy. I'm pretty fit. So, yeah, why do I have to kind of do strength exercises three times a week or, you know, make sure I go for these walks every day? It's because if you don't, if you neglect your health now, it might not be right now that you regret it. It might be in 10, 15 years time that you'll really regret not staying healthy and fit. And it's the same with loneliness. If you neglect it now, it might not bother you right now, but there's a risk that in 10, 15 years time, it really does impact on you. The real issue is for older people who kind of feel this loneliness much more acutely. And yeah, as I said, while having your own time, doing your own thing is absolutely great. And I certainly feel that way most of the time, I don't want to drift into becoming one of those older people in 10 to 15 years and suddenly wake up and I've become Elellanena Riby. Over the last 12 months of my early retirement, I've been quietly aware that I don't have any friends. Oh, friends, you know, and I've not had any real friends for some time. And for the most part, yeah, I've always been quite cool with that.

[00:09:21]It's nice not to have the responsibility of, you know, being a friend and doing what friends are meant to do. You know, I have my partner who I see regularly. I have my kids for half the week or at least one kid because the other one's already left home and gone to uni. And for two or three days a week, I just have that peace and tranquility.

[00:09:42]Oh, it's sweet. But sometimes those two or three days seem to feel a little bit longer, a little bit more empty. And right now my partner's in Japan for 6 weeks, so I've not seen her for quite a while. And so I'm yeah, I'm beginning to feel it even more acutely.

[00:10:03]And so now I kind of realize I need to start building acquaintances and friends and that new tribe again. The loneliness paradox is real. The busier and more in demand you were in your career or as a parent, the higher risk. Why? Because your interactions were based on demand rather than sort of intimacy. And when that demand stops, well, the silence begins. But as ever, I like to provide solutions on the Level 50 Lifestyle channel. That's what it's all about.

[00:10:39]We've got to go to the dark places to appreciate the light and all of that.

[00:10:43]And so, we're going to end on a positive note. It's action time. So, here is your strategy. We don't need to find a new best friend by Friday. As I said, we can use the Kaizen method. I wrote a little book about Kaizen. You can see it in the description down below. And that's all about the little small steps, the 1% improvements, the little things that you do that over time compound. So, for example, here we go. The intentional message. Why don't you send one hello text or hi, how you doing text to an old acquaintance? No pressure, just a little pulse check. See if you get any response, but don't be impacted if there's no response or anything like that. the five minute favor. Do something small for someone else. Share an article with someone. Introduce someone to someone else. It just all builds that social capital without needing a three course dinner. Just a small little kind of helping someone out. And then the say yes rule. Even if your sofa is calling, if you get an invite out, just say yes for a bit. I mean, I've met people through this channel and said yes to invites where before I wouldn't have because, you know, oh, it's a a hassle and all of that and I don't know if I'll like them and all of that and I've gone for a coffee and I've gone for a chat with them and well, the fact that they like this channel and all of that means that we have something in common or they kind of already know me in that kind of way and we have something to talk about.

[00:12:13]It's just nice to have that social interaction and discuss, you know, like-minded things like you used to at work and stuff like that, just on a kind of casual basis. And I'll be honest, it's been really great and really refreshing. Nothing needy, just cool, casual. Yeah. Sweet. What I've discovered is that we need to find our new tribe. And no, I don't mean joining a cult, you know. I mean, finding third places, as they call them. In the UK, there's the Men's Sheds Association, and it's kind of shoulderto-shoulder socializing while you're working on a woodwork project or something like that, just having a chat. Much less pressure than face-toface interrogation over coffee or anything like that if that's not what you're into. One guy who recently contacted me started a boxing exercise group with an exs sort of pro boxer. It's specifically for men over 50, maybe a bit unfit and all of that.

[00:13:12]No judgment. No gym alpha bros, anything like that. None of that BS. Just guys looking to get fit, but more importantly, just meeting other guys and having a chat and all of that. I mean, I think for men especially, it's much easier to chat when you're doing something, you know, DIY, mechanical, I don't know, having a boxing session in the gym or whatever it is. It kind of breaks the ice in terms of conversation with strangers and all of that. The point is, there are lots of ways to find people to interact with and to start building that social tribe. Again, the thing is, as I said, I've realized you need to stop waiting for the invite and start being the architect yourself. You know, it will require a little effort.

[00:14:02]And as they say, you got to break an egg to make an omelette. And what's the worst that can happen? Your professional intellect capital is still there. It's still in your head. Use it. Doing something in the local community or joining a charity group or the local Amrram society. I used to be a member of that. I don't do anymore. Find it a bit stressful. But it might be what you're into. You know, it works for a lot of people. And all of this can replace that interaction that you had in the office.

[00:14:31]At the end of the day, you're not aging in place. You're thriving in your new community or whatever it is. So, yeah, I still like being on my own now and then.

[00:14:42]Who doesn't? A break from the noise of our lives and all of that. But when there is no noise to escape from anymore, you kind of miss it. Early retirement shouldn't be about total independence and solitude. You know, I'm not a recluse, like my sister said. It should be about the freedom to choose your tribe. And that's the thing, you choose.

[00:15:04]You're not thrown into an office or work environment and have to get along with your colleagues to make the workplace bearable. And hopefully you've pruned away those friends and acquaintances that you've collected through life but just don't bring you joy anymore and uh Debbie Downers and all of that. See my video on decluttering and all of that.

[00:15:25]You know who you are as a person now, what you like, what you don't like.

[00:15:30]You've learned not to give a fudge. So now you can build your new tribe designed to meet your new requirements now and your needs now. So don't let the calendar stay quiet. say yes to more.

[00:15:43]Optimize your social portfolio with the same rigor that you kind of concentrate on your pension in the first place. So, there you go. If you found a great way to stay connected after leaving the grind, drop it in the comments down below. I'd love to hear your kind of tribe building wins and all of that. And of course, if you like this video, please hit the likes cuz I like it, YouTube likes it, and it helps people like you find content just like this.

[00:16:08]And if you're new to my channel, then do me the great honor. Please can you hit that subscribe button, toggle that notification bell, and that way you'll know when I go live with videos just like this, talking videos just like this. Why don't you check out the videos here? You see the ones here? Why don't you check these out? Oh, you'll love them. Thanks for watching.