Stress, Grief, Anxiety, and Coping with @bladeofsun95 | TRTMH

[00:00:00]Hello everyone. Welcome back to Toasting Norcs and Talking Mental Health. Today I have a good friend with me and a previous guest back onto the channel.

[00:00:09]We've got Blade of Sun 95 today. Blade of Sun, how are you doing?

[00:00:14]>> Thank you for being here.

[00:00:17]>> I'm I'm doing okay. Thank you for having me.

[00:00:20]>> Yay. We love that. Love to hear that you're doing well.

[00:00:26]And uh for your reference, we are in Enchanted Towers right now in a randomized version of Spyro 3. So that's fun. Um >> yeah, continuing that for the toasting stuff, which technically we're toasting rhinox today. Your favorite, I believe.

[00:00:44]>> Yeah.

[00:00:47]>> Don't turn into a rhino.

[00:00:48]>> Yes, you do not want to turn into a rhino. This is a this is a warning we've had in the past. It's link in the cards uh if you haven't seen it.

[00:00:57]Um if you want to get the reference, you got to catch up. But anyway, um Blson, thank you for being here. We're talking, you know, a a tougher topic today, but one that is is close to my heart, which is grief and stress. And we did talk about this on Blade of Sun's channel as well, which again, we will uh link that in the cards so you guys can see that if you haven't seen it yet. But um yeah, grief and stress and how grief just affects you know your emotions um your stress levels, your anger and you know the things that you kind of we all have to deal with um in our daily lives you know beyond um in the midst of I guess you know these kinds of losses. Now, before we get too deep into this, I unfortunately, for some reason, I'm having to use the really loud rockets in Enchanted Tower. So, warning, noise warning, everybody. We're just going to get these over with real quick before we keep talking. Why the audio engineer made those so loud >> uh is beyond me. I'll never understand it. But here we go. We're done. Okay.

[00:02:06]And we rescued Terrence. So, yay.

[00:02:10]onto the skatepark. I think I was here in another recent part I recorded, but I just I don't care. I could live in Enchanted Tower skate park. So, um yeah, Blson Sun, do you do you have anything that you want to kick us off with or um do you want me to just dive into something cuz I'm good either way.

[00:02:27]>> That's I can I can start us off. That's >> awesome.

[00:02:31]>> Yeah. So, for those watching from my channel, this is kind of a a a refresher of what happened months ago, but but for those that are new here, um I'll just tell you right now, but before we get into it, hit that like button.

[00:02:49]>> Heck yeah. Thank you.

[00:02:52]>> So, for me, when it comes to uh grief, um I I think about um my grandma's uh second husband. Um he he was the one that attended my grandfather's funeral when when he passed away and at at the beginning of January, he was uh feeling uh very sick and and what we got into he's well well he's well he's been on many hospital visits just to treat the the cancer and and what And when we got into February, it was uh not not looking not not looking so good. and and and he and and he and he passed away on the first on on the 6 of February which uh of course I well at first I I didn't accept him as as my grandfather when he married my grandma but but my family came around and I and I eventually accepted my as my grandfather.

[00:04:11]Um and when when he passed away, it it affected my mental health. Um and and there were times where I just where I got mad for no apparent reason like >> Yeah.

[00:04:33]and and I was very I was fairly lost in thoughts and >> okay >> but yeah you you get my drift.

[00:04:44]>> Yeah absolutely yes thank you for the refresher on that and I do want to say um that I am again you know very sorry for your loss. It is really hard to deal with that kind of stuff. And when you have complex, you know, emotions, you know, like you've said, you know, at first you didn't feel like um, you know, you were going to be close with them, but it turned out things were different than you, you know, expected. And, um, I think that adds a layer of things to grief as well.

[00:05:13]You know, complex relationships or past, you know, maybe perspectives we've had of people. It just, uh, it it adds some complexity there. So, I appreciate you sharing that aspect. Um, and being honest about that. Um, yeah. So, you know, in in previous episodes when me and Blade of Sun have talked about this, I I've mentioned a few instances where, you know, in my own grief, um I have certainly had a lot of stress, whether that stress reaction is sickness and anxiety or it's anger or um you know, whatever that reaction may be. I've I've I've shared a few instances of that and to be honest with you, I don't remember exactly um which ones I've used. So, you know, if I've already said this and you've already heard it, I do apologize. But like you said, there could be new people here. Um but honestly, like for me, stress and grief, it's one of those things where cuz I've lost um unfortunately I've lost three main people in my life. you know, I've I've experienced um losses of people I'm not as close to before, but uh three main people. It's my cousin who was my best friend. We were 17 when he passed away in a car accident. His name was Johnny. And you know, if you've been here a while, you've already heard about him, but you'll hear about him a lot more if you haven't. Um and then I also lost two grandparents when I was 13, which is really weird. um being 30 now and seeing like really how young I was to experience the loss of a grandparent.

[00:06:50]Um so yeah, those those those are the three main instances you'll hear me talk about. And um I noticed that, you know, I know we're talking about stress, but of course anxiety kind of ties into that because anxiety makes us feel stressed, right? So a lot of what >> Yeah. Like a lot of what I noticed at first with the loss of my grandparents was the anxiety was stressing my body out so much that um I just felt on edge.

[00:07:21]You know, you mentioned being like kind of in your head, you know, like in in your thoughts a lot. Um I experienced that too. I wasn't really able to be present in life during my grief for a really long time um because it just consumed my thoughts. It was really hard to focus on anything else but that. It was hard to continue to be um Wow, Hunter just You'll see that in the recording blade of Sun, but Hunter just really screwed me over. Um >> no kidding.

[00:07:52]>> He would never do that, would he? I'm so shocked. Oh jeez. But um yeah, so uh basically like I had a hard time being present because how you know how do you continue on in life the way you're expected to when you're experiencing such a heavy loss? It's just it's a really >> wild thing to experience. Um, and I think as you've talked about before, it's hard for it to not, you know, when we don't feel well, sometimes it affects people around us, too. And that's certainly something I experienced. I used to snap at people in my life over nothing because, you know, I uh I was processing things that really weren't I don't know. Like to me, grief, no matter what age you are, it's hard to process. But um I think our brains just can't really get a hold of like somebody being here and then all of a sudden they're not. And um it it makes it hard with with the interpersonal relationships that you still have with the people that are still here. Um yeah, I've definitely, you know, been through the ringer with that. Um, so it did start for me with the the grandparents, but it did get significantly worse when I lost Johnny.

[00:09:15]I think it's because I never expected to lose Johnny. Not that you ever expect to lose anybody, but, you know, we were the same age. I was thinking we were going to like grow old together type of thing, like still be hanging out when we're in our 70s, you know. Um, so that one came with a lot more of like the stress, anger reaction, I think. Um, and also just sickness. It made me just sick all the time. I felt kind of all consumed by um by my grief and learning to cope with that took a long time. I mean, years and years uh before I finally felt somewhat stable again. I think that, you know, grief and the stress response that like your body has to it, it's very I want to say it's underrated, but like maybe it is by people who haven't experienced it before, you know, like you'll hear a lot of people being like, "Oh, you got to move on. You got to move forward." And it's like, well, yeah, obviously. Um, of course, yes, we do, but that doesn't it's not it's easier said than done, you know? Um, so yeah, that's just a little tidbit from from my perspective with it. Um, I just had a major wreck and I'm sad.

[00:10:32]>> But I beat the course record so that's all that matters.

[00:10:35]>> Hey.

[00:10:36]>> Hey.

[00:10:38]Yeah. So, um, what have you done, Blade of Sun? To, you know, I think you asked me this before in your channel, but I'm going to I'm going to flip the flip the table here. Um yeah, >> what have you done to try to cope with the stress that comes with the grief that you're experiencing? What what's some coping mechanisms that you've done, you know, to to get through that?

[00:11:05]>> Um that that's a good question. And and just like before, there are good answers and and wrong answers.

[00:11:15]>> Yes. So >> yes, absolutely.

[00:11:18]>> Yeah.

[00:11:18]But uh yeah, but when I experienced grief, I just can't keep it keep it all keep it all boned up like not not wanting to talk about it with anyone. And of course of course that that didn't that didn't really help with help with anything at all. Like >> yeah.

[00:11:47]Uh but but but I but I um eventually I came around to to talking about it um which was which was uh in in your Discord like like everything that everything that everything that happens like Yeah. Yeah.

[00:12:20]And and what I could have done is like well my my grandmother told me about this the other day is like writing down my feelings about it and and some talk talk it all over with a with a family member or or or a trusted friend.

[00:12:46]Yes, I love that. I love that writing is such a help helpful coping mechanism.

[00:12:53]Um, you know, that's something that in therapy I have been recommended as well.

[00:12:57]And honestly, if I look back on my grief, I don't know how I would have got through it without writing. um it was like the the only way to really kind of process what's going on in your head because when it's when it's just in your head, it can get really overwhelming and um suffocating almost if you don't get it out. Uh I've also been in situations too, Blade of Sun, where I have held things in. I've always been kind of an internalizer, uh for better or worse. You know, there's situations where maybe it's good that I keep my mouth shut, but there's others where I need to like let things out and I just wouldn't. Um, and as I've grown older, I've really worked on trying to get better about just being honest about what's going on because it it will over time it will absolutely make you sick um if you don't get it out, you know? So, and writing is a great safe way to do that. um as well as having you know a friend or family member listen. Like I think I think it's good to have a balance of both because there may be times where you don't feel like sharing it with someone. But if you write it, you can still get it out without feeling like you need someone else there to rely on. Um and then there's other times where you know it is better to just talk it out with somebody who understands. Um so I think it's great that you're doing both of those healthy things. And as far as the unhealthy, like I said, I totally get it. And I think we all we all go through that, especially at the beginning and especially our first experiences with something as heavy as grief because, you know, it's your first time experiencing it. You don't necessarily know the healthiest ways or or you know, what to do and what not to do yet cuz it's your first time experiencing it. Um, so yeah, and that's why like I'm glad we're talking about this because, you know, I don't know, maybe there's somebody out there early in that process, you know, who uh can can relate to this and and find it out sooner than later. Because for me, you know, I went through a lot of this stuff. I'm not going to say alone, but you know, um I had to learn a lot of this stuff just from life experience, just from learning myself, you know, and going through it myself. Um, which is why I think it's important to to speak about it and speak about these harder things because, you know, um, you never know who it might help. So, it might feel vulnerable. It's kind of hard to put this stuff out there, but I think it's it's it's good that we're doing it.

[00:15:30]>> Yeah, absolutely.

[00:15:32]>> Yeah.

[00:15:34]>> Yeah. Um, when it comes to writing, do you like to just kind of Because I I've done both of these things. Do you like to just kind of write out like what you want to say to the person that you miss? Do you like to write poems? Do you like to just write out the emotions you're feeling? Like, what kind of experiences have you had so far with with writing for grief?

[00:15:59]>> Um, well, first of all, I'm I'm not a writer, but Uh but but if I would then I would most likely do that.

[00:16:12]>> Yeah. Like >> for sure it's like like a it's like a way to un memory.

[00:16:21]>> Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. It's funny cuz I never until you said that I never really thought about the difference between like you know cuz there's mental health writing and then there's like creative writing, right?

[00:16:33]And I think that mine kind of ended up overlapping a lot. Uh, which I never thought about. I think um, for some reason the form of writing that I would use would end up almost always being kind of like a poetic format when I would get this stuff out. Um, but I kind of want to experiment more with the journal type style of writing. Like trying to write like not as if I'm a writer cuz I am. And I think I get attached to that a lot and kind of in that mindset. but more of like a a journaling type, you know, like just getting getting it all out there, not worrying about if it sounds good or the format or, you know, whatever. Um cuz I I've had a lot of people recommend that for mental health and I think I need to kind of take it at that angle sometimes.

[00:17:21]I'm glad we're talking about this cuz I never really thought about it before.

[00:17:24]Um, I almost always see writing as like a task or like, you know, I guess when you're a writer, you just kind of always look at it as a craft, but it doesn't always have to be. Sometimes it can just be an outlet, um, and a way to get things out on paper and just get it out of your head. So, um, so yeah, that was a good conversation. I never even really thought about it before.

[00:17:48]>> Oh, but but now you do.

[00:17:51]>> Yeah. Yes, it worked out. It worked out.

[00:17:55]Okay, I've I've I've actually got one for you. So, >> Blade of Sun here is a creator as well.

[00:18:02]If you don't already know that, y'all, um you should definitely check out Blade of Sun95's channel. Um because he has a movie going on. He works with animations and voice acting and all kinds of cool stuff. Um so, giving that little context there to the audience, I'm going to ask you a question about that. So, do you ever find it do you find that like working on your content and your creations, does it help you with grief or do you feel do you ever feel like you have to step away from it because of your emotions?

[00:18:35]Like, is it like an outlet or is it more of a thing that like you kind of need need to take a break from from content to to process things? Or both. Both answers could be, you know, very possible.

[00:18:50]Yeah.

[00:18:52]Now that that is that is a good question. Um, yeah. But I I have I there were times where I thought about taking a break, but I got but then I just feel like I just need to carry on with the with the content making >> for sure.

[00:19:19]>> Yeah. And but but but it doesn't really help my stress like one bit like uh some that sometimes well that that I I do get a little forceful but never never really meant it never meant to.

[00:19:42]Um >> for sure. Yeah.

[00:19:45]And uh and and well for me it's some some sometimes it's a little um who take what people say as a joke but and I don't want to go off topic but there are times where that this whole jogging around thing can lead into bullying and I I remember you I remember you and Crystal Fisher talking about before and and the last time I was on here talking about homophobia.

[00:20:22]Um but but anyway, back on topic.

[00:20:28]>> Love that you watched that one, by the way. The old video of me and Crystal Fisher. I didn't know you'd seen it. I appreciate that.

[00:20:35]>> Uh yeah, it's no fun. But uh and but anyway, I when I when I do get under a lot of stress, I do need to distance myself for for a little while and come back when I'm not uh hope for not in a lot of stress and and just it it just be a little be a little more sane >> for sure.

[00:21:14]>> Yeah. No, I I relate cuz that's part of why I asked that question is because I find myself kind of in between on my own answer. I think as content creators, um I kind of go back and forth on on that.

[00:21:28]Like my content is almost like this distraction for me, like this outlet that keeps me from getting too much in my head as we talked about earlier, like you know, with grief sometimes it's easy to just get lost in in your thoughts and and in those emotions. Um, and it I feel like making my content in a way keeps me it gives me something to do outside of my job um that keeps me distracted and I'm doing something fun and productive. But then there are other times where I notice I'm almost relying on it too much and not uh necessarily processing my emotions because I'm so I'm almost getting too much into the distraction and the process of content creation that I don't let myself feel because feeling is let's just be real it's kind of uncomfortable and I've spent my whole life feeling too deeply and being too Um, I don't want to say too empathetic, like it's a bad thing, but like I've really struggled with um with empathy. I have so much of it that it, you know, it weighs heavy on me. Um, so I think as I've gotten older, I'm just so tired of feeling all the time and I'm so tired of like the emotions that I've had to deal with from grief and from loss and from, you know, other traumas in life that I I've definitely used the content creation as like a distraction. A lot of times people will ask me, "How do you make so much content? How do you like do so much about Spyro?" And I'm like, "This is kind of a coping mechanism to be honest with you guys." It's like it really it's I love it. It's fun. I'm genuinely enjoying it, but it's also like me coping with my own mental health. Um, which is where the series started from in the first place, you know? Um, so anyway, I guess, you know, I I think as content creators, there's there's a lot of different things that we can go through, right? Like you were talking like sometimes you're too stressed to work on it. Um, sometimes, you know, even amidst amid the stress, you want to work on it anyway because you got things you want to get done or it's a good distraction. Um, but yeah, I think, you know, it it's just interesting the way that we process things and it's a balance. It's a balance with everything, you know. Um, I think we need to take care of ourselves and make sure we don't get burned out. But at the same time, if this is the kind of stuff that, you know, makes us happy and gives us something to look forward to outside of the stressors of everyday life, I think, you know, that's nice, too. Um, it's a complex topic. It's definitely a complex topic.

[00:24:12]>> Yep.

[00:24:14]>> Yeah. And as far as you did bring up bullying, which was funny because I talked about this a little bit and I know you were there. You saw uh me and Alyssa chat on our new Too Short to Care podcast. Um about just comments online and um I do understand where you're coming from just because it is hard to know. It is really hard to know when people are joking sometimes. And I mean, I get comments on my YouTube channel.

[00:24:42]And what really gets me the most more than anything is when people try to talk about like people's appearances or their looks. I'm just like, I don't think that that's appropriate in any instance, even if you're joking. Um, you know, it's just that's just like an odd thing to to comment on, right? Um, so that's what me and Alyssa talked about there because I had had some like super weird comments from people and it's over time it's funny and I can laugh. Not funny like mutual laughing with that person cuz they're being mean to me but funny as in like well that person is like full of crap, you know, they're probably not a good person. So like if that's how they want to spend their time then that's on them. Um, but that said, uh, the internet can be really confusing and tricky with that and you can't read people's tones because you're not able to hear them. You're not in person. Also, there's like uh me and my brother-in-law were talking about this recently. There's like this, you know, almost audacity that people have um online because they're behind a screen and they say a lot of things that they would never say in person. They might say that they would say it to somebody in person, but the odds are they they wouldn't. Um, it's almost like a filter like is missing, you know, a filter that we would have if we were sitting across the room from somebody that's missing online because there's no true repercussion for making a comment. I mean, you might have somebody reply back or you might have somebody get mad at you, but you can just turn it all off and and no consequences are happening, you know?

[00:26:20]And I think people get a little ballsy sometimes with uh the way they talk because there's no like it there's no major repercussion for it. Um so so yeah, and I can definitely see like if it's something you've had to deal with in the past too. Even when people mean well and they're not trying trying to be mean, I can see it being difficult to like, you know, you don't want to um you don't want to just bend over and well, that's not going to be somebody will take that out of context. You don't want to just like lay down and take it. You know what I mean? You uh want to make sure you're taking care of yourself and defending yourself. So, I no, I think that totally makes sense to when you're unsure what somebody's intentions are to um especially in those high stress periods to like step away for a minute, think about it. Sometimes it's good to get a gut check with people, too. I' I do that all the time. Um I'll get comments that I'm like, hm, I don't know how I should react to this. I can't tell if I should defend myself or if this person's just playing around. And a lot of times I'll just go to a friend and get a gut check, you know. um before I react. But man, it's hard sometimes because sometimes people just say really stupid to be honest.

[00:27:36]>> I know.

[00:27:37]>> And it's just like it's like how do I stay quiet and it's it is hard. It's hard. I think the older I've gotten um the more I've had to kind of work on that gut reaction with online stuff. I actually used to argue with people all the time on social media, mostly like Facebook and stuff. Um, but I just couldn't like I couldn't like keep it to myself. I just had to say something. And as I've gotten older, I've realized that most people aren't worth it. You know, you've told me before, even with these people that comment on my stuff, like it's better to just delete it or ignore it honestly than to engage with them.

[00:28:10]And even though I've chosen to engage with them a few times, um, it's not always for the best.

[00:28:18]Sometimes walking away is the best best choice.

[00:28:23]Yeah, which is something I has to donate a bug con.

[00:28:28]>> Hey, it's a lifelong thing. It's a lifelong thing. I think just the fact that you know um you try and you know it's something that you're again it's it's also a thing for me too.

[00:28:40]It's I got I got to really think about a lot of this stuff. Um so yeah, it's always a work in progress. But as you said, when it comes to like if you're going through something in life, you're you're going to feel way more sensitive to those kinds of things. Um I have had things hit me on like just the wrong day before. And you know, it's funny, uh, cuz I know you mentioned not wanting to get off topic, but I'm kind of doing that because this doesn't necessarily relate to grief, but kind of trauma and stress, which I think is another thing we we can technically talk about in this episode. Um, I have had I'm not going to go into major detail, but I've had, you know, reactions to things that like my friends have said on just the wrong day.

[00:29:28]you know, a day where like I'm a little bit more emotional, I'm a little bit extra stressed than normal, that has just made me like cry and fall apart, you know, their comment. Um, but then like in retrospect, I'm like that would like not normally bother me. So, that's really weird um that I like reacted that way and then I get embarrassed because I'm like this is out of character for me. I don't know why I got so upset at their comment, you know, whatever. Um, but I think trauma as a whole, you know, we're talking about grief, but grief is a reaction to trauma because loss is traumatic. Losing somebody is traumatic.

[00:30:07]Um, so I do think that like just trauma as a whole. It may not always be loss related, but just, you know, sensitive topics, sensitive days, stuff's going to hit you different. And, you know, we're human. We're human at the end of the day. We we can always um you know make mistakes, jump the gun on things. Uh but I think as long as we're trying, you know, people should certainly have compassion for that.

[00:30:37]>> Yep. Yep.

[00:30:39]>> Absolutely.

[00:30:42]Well, Bson, this has been a good conversation. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss today before we wrap up?

[00:30:48]Um well I I don't got anything planned but um the last thing I do want to say is like if like if this is your first time going through grief um you know just uh hang hang in there and eventually the clouds will dry well the clouds will clear up and and you'll probably see a light that that that that that would never go out.

[00:31:20]>> I love that. Making me teeyed over here.

[00:31:22]Oh my goodness, that was that was really pretty. Um yes, yes, agreed. I want to second that. You know, I think that's a good that's a good thing to wrap up on is is a good positive encouraging word for people. Um I think you know and I've said it before but a lot of times you know people will say they'll say that you know it doesn't ever get better in terms of you don't ever stop loving the person and you don't ever stop missing them but you do you do find peace in and healing I think like just like you said um I think there is peace and healing in um you know knowing that their existence just because we can't physically be with them anymore does not necessarily mean depending on your beliefs but in my belief that they're it does not mean that they're gone forever. I do believe that they're still with us. Um, and you know, you'll as you go through life after you've experienced grief, even though you can't see it when it first happens, um, you will realize that there is a reason and there's still a purpose to you still being here without that person. It sucks and it's tough, but um, you know, don't give up. I know it can be so painful to miss somebody. I went through that. I went through just not wanting to be here myself after I lost certain people because it just hurts so much to be separate from them.

[00:32:49]Um, but now that I'm older and I've gone through a lot of things, I've realized that like there's a lot left for me to do here.

[00:32:57]for whatever reason, I'm still here and I'm going to make the best of of my my existence here, you know, while it while it uh is still a thing. And keep these people in our memories, talk about them, you know, share share their existence with the world, I think, like we're doing here, you know, you get to talk about him. I've talked about my people. Um, and I think that's a great way to keep keep the love we have for them alive is to share those stories.

[00:33:27]Um, so yeah, beautiful note to end on, Blade of Sun. Thank you for that that lovely comment and that uh it sparked something. It sparked an an emotion in me, so I appreciate it.

[00:33:39]>> Yeah, that's that's no problem at all.

[00:33:42]>> Awesome. Well, y'all, please check out Blend 95's channel. I'm over there, too, in talk videos like this. Um, I also am privileged to get to do some some uh voice acting which is brand new to me uh over there on Blade of Sunifod's channel. So, please do subscribe to him.

[00:34:01]And if you are enjoying this kind of stuff and you want to talk about some things yourself, there is a Discord server. The link is in the description for my Discord server. We've got a mental health channel. We've also got a lot of fun stuff going on. Um, and it's just a really supportive community overall. So, we would love to see you there. And um yeah, thank you again for watching. See y'all later.

[00:34:25]>> Bye everyone.

[00:34:26]>> Bye.