3 MONTHS NO ALCOHOL.

Added: 2026-05-27

[00:00:00]Oh, hi. It's Randy Kelly. I haven't posted about this topic in a minute, but I have not been drinking alcohol. I have gone 3 months without alcohol. That is the longest I've gone in 6 years. The last time I went this long was in 2020.

[00:00:11]I started in January and I started drinking again in May. So, I went four months of no drinking. It was around quarantine co and which is ironic because most people turned into boozers during quarantine. Like seriously, I heard everyone tell me like, "Yeah, I drank more than I've ever drank in my life." I was like, "I didn't drink a drop of alcohol. Not a drop during co."

[00:00:29]Okay, so there's several reasons that I want to stay away from alcohol and drinking. First of all, alcohol has turned my life upside down on many occasions. I have been out of control.

[00:00:38]Let me make something very clear.

[00:00:39]Alcohol has made me out of control. I'm already a bizarre human being who has a big personality. Imagine this on alcohol. Like, it's just too much. That [ __ ] makes you crazy crazy. Like, I have been so crazy. I've gone to hospitals because of my behavior. I've said vile things, nasty things, as most people have when they're under the influence.

[00:00:58]The frustration in me just comes out. I have been a nightmare. Like, yes, I've been a lot of fun. I've been charming.

[00:01:04]I've been funny. But I can also be a nightmare because the moment I feel like disrespect, I have the shortest fuse when I'm drunk. When I'm under the influence of alcohol, I have the shortest fuse. You could say something wrong to me that I interpret as wrong, you didn't even mean it as wrong, and I can just go off. It's crazy. And it's not fair to the people around me. It's not fair to lash out over irrelevant [ __ ] that's not a big deal. And I made it a big deal because I'm drunk. And you don't even know the extent of what's occurred in my life due to alcohol. Like there has been so many situations I didn't even recognize myself or my behavior based on a lot of times I wouldn't even remember it either. I would have to be told about my behavior.

[00:01:34]Do you know how many times I would wake up not remembering the night before? I would not remember what the [ __ ] I said, what the [ __ ] I did. I would check my phone to see the texts that I sent and often times I wouldn't remember those texts. I was in constant anxiety waking up. I already have an anxiety disorder.

[00:01:48]Alcohol amplified that [ __ ] You think it's helping you. It might help you for a few hours. What I've learned in life, and I can promise you this, is that it makes your anxiety worse overall. It is damaging your brain. It damaged my brain. I damaged I damaged the [ __ ] out of my brain with this [ __ ] [ __ ] in a bottle. It's interesting how a liquid, literally, you could get a bottle of water that is a liquid, something that looks just like a bottle of water, can create such havoc, such chaos. This [ __ ] has caused more chaos than I thought was even capable in my life. Alcohol is very normal. It's all over commercials. It's all over social media. You don't even have to go out of your house and go get it. You can have it delivered to you.

[00:02:25]Life has made it very easy to get intoxicated, unfortunately. And I think the hardest part as an adult is often times every activity that people want to do involves alcohol. So, yes, you can sit there and not drink, and that's okay. I have social anxiety. People don't understand social anxiety. I'm not kidding. It's not a joke. It's not a quirk. It's not something to make me interesting. This is a real thing. I have faced a lot of situations sober when I wanted to drink and I got through it. I like pushing myself as a human being and facing my fears because that's the only way to grow. I like doing that.

[00:02:54]But I know myself. I'm an adult. I'm a grown ass man. I know what I can handle and what I can't. I often will panic in situations. I have to be strong enough to be like, I'm not going to put myself through that. I'm not going to panic.

[00:03:04]I'm not going to be super super uncomfortable just to make someone else happy. Unless it's a very special occasion. I don't need to go to a bar or a club. That's not necessary. In life, that is not necessary. This [ __ ] is sneaky because one day you'll be completely fine. and there'll be no drama, no havoc. Everything turned out fine. You didn't black out and you're like, "Wow, I can handle this." It doesn't always have to be a problem. But then the next time it is a problem. It's always going to result in a problem. For somebody like me, Randy, it's always going to be an issue. There's always going to be a problem. If it wasn't this time, it's going to be the next time.

[00:03:34]It's always going to result in something. So, I have several reasons that I'm not drinking. One of the biggest reasons is because I want to improve my anxiety. I want to get better. I want to just be the best version of myself. Drinking alcohol is like having a superpower. It gives you the confidence that you've never had before in your life. You think you are unstoppable. You are so happy. It's very misleading. It convinces you that, oh, you know what? You're having fun right now because those endorphins, but overall, I was just increasing my anxiety in life. Like, yeah, it was fixing it for the night, but not the next day or the next day after that. Do you know that my hangovers as I've older have lasted days? It's never just one day unless I drink a very little amount, which it usually didn't result in a very little amount. That was the problem. It was always like a lot or nothing. So, I'd have days of a hangover or days of anxiety. I would wake up feeling shitty as [ __ ] It affects your sleep negatively. Like you might sleep, but it is not proper sleep. We think we're getting sleep after drinking. That is not helping your sleep cycle. You are actually getting the worst kind of sleep. You're not getting the deep sleep, the REM sleep that you need. So, I would not get good sleep for days. My drinking often resulted in benders. I've had a video on here. I went on a 6-day bender. Do you remember that one? That was 2 years ago. What would happen is I would go out with friends. It would always be a social thing. So, I'd be socially drinking, but I would drink way too much. I would wake up the next morning still hammered. I would still feel it and I just couldn't stop at that point. I was like, "Well, I feel great.

[00:04:50]Let's keep the party going." And then I would go get more alcohol and it would just escalate. And then next thing you know, it's days of drinking in a row. Do you know how shitty it would take me a week to get back to my normal self after a bender? I would feel like [ __ ] I would be so irritable. I would be so groggy. Had the worst brain fog of my life. I think I had brain fog now as a sober man. No, I had the worst brain fog. I couldn't even remember. I remember one time after 6 days of drinking or something like that. It was days of drinking. I was trying to like come up with names in my head cuz I couldn't remember anything. I couldn't remember who the president was. And I just knew that I was [ __ ] with my brain. I mean, you're [ __ ] with your liver and your entire body, but the brain was my biggest concern. I'm really into brain health. I take a lot of brain supplements. I do things to challenge my brain. I was doing the absolute worst thing you can do for your brain, and that was drinking excessive alcohol. I was binge drinking. It wasn't drinking in general is not good for your brain, but I was binge drinking. And this is over the span of many years. I took so many breaks. I would take months at a time of breaks. This is the longest I've taken in six years, but I would take like a month off, weeks off. Like I would stop all the time, but then I'd always get back into it. This is the longest I've been consistent. It's a really hard thing to avoid. And at a certain point, you have to just be strong enough in yourself to be like, I'm not going to avoid this. I can't run from it. I have to face it and be strong enough to be like, I'm not going to do it. I don't give a [ __ ] if my friends ask me to drink and want to go out. I don't give a [ __ ] Either I go, don't drink or I don't want to go. I don't feel comfortable. And they'll have to understand that. Can we do something else? Can we go to the movies? Can we go shopping? Can we do anything else? If you don't want to do something else, then we don't have to hang out. I have to just say that. That has to be what it is. And most friends are understanding.

[00:06:27]Most friends support me in these situations. This is a journey for me that I need support in. And if you're not supporting that, you're not a real friend. This is not a joke. This is my life. This is my health. This is my well-being. This is my mental health. my mental well-being. Do you know that I went to a mental hospital? Next month in June, it's going to be four years ago that I had a really, really bad situation happen to me. I went into a psychosis that I've never been in in my life. I was a person that nobody around me recognized cuz I was in a psychosis.

[00:06:54]I was out of my mind. And a lot of that had to do with alcohol. There was other factors to it, but alcohol was a huge culprit in that happening. I was out of my mind. Once again, it was another bender. I stopped drinking. The bender was over. However, within a few days afterward, I wasn't getting proper sleep. There was other factors, like I said, to my health. I went crazy. I like went crazy. Was walking in circles, was talking, like hallucinating, going nuts.

[00:07:21]I had to go to a mental facility for 5 days. I couldn't even form a coherent sentence. Like, that's embarrassing. But at a certain point, I had to swallow my pride and just tell this [ __ ] story.

[00:07:29]Like, I know that people watching this can relate to a lot of [ __ ] that I'm saying. So, it doesn't really matter.

[00:07:33]Like, no, this is not [ __ ] to be proud of. This is embarrassing, but it is life. This is what happened in my life four years ago. I went to a mental facility for 5 days. By day two, I got pretty much back to normal and I looked around and I was like, I cannot believe this is my life. I cannot believe I am in this situation. I was like, this is not where I pictured my life at this age, that I'm in a [ __ ] mental facility because I couldn't get my [ __ ] together. This is unreal. This is embarrassing. This is shameful. I was really ashamed of it, but obviously I talk about it on the internet now. I've moved on and it's it's just part of my journey. So, as for the anxiety, I can thoroughly say that it has improved a lot in 3 months. It has improved. I do feel very confident. However, I still have a lot of anxiety. That's just part of who I am. That's how I'm wired. It's going to take a long time for my brain to rewire. And I wasn't drinking every day, but I was binge drinking often.

[00:08:22]Like, it would be every other week or every few weeks, every other month.

[00:08:25]Like, I was always an anxious person.

[00:08:27]Even growing up, I was super shy. I was anxious back then, but as an adult, I had this confidence that I didn't always have when I was younger. But it's been affected because of alcohol. Like I could be a way if I never started drinking and I never drank. I think I would be one of the most confident people you probably ever met in your life right now. But I have [ __ ] up my brain so much and my self-esteem and given myself this false sense of confidence with alcohol for so long that it's like a magic potion. Once you have that [ __ ] you're like, "Well, why would I ever want to be confident on my own when I can just drink something and it'll give me that confidence? It'll give me that relief." No, [ __ ] You are literally killing yourself. This is literally poison going down my throat. I was really struggling 3 months ago.

[00:09:00]Actually, when I stopped drinking, it was around the time I was really struggling mentally. I was This was like January time. January was really rough.

[00:09:08]I was heartbroken. I felt like Margot Robbie in Weathering Heights where she couldn't get out of bed. I was literally so depressed, so heartbroken, so unhappy. I was drinking excessively. I was a mess. I don't look back on January, December time with fond memories. Let me just say, I'm excited to see how much I improve over time. The longer I abstain from alcohol, the longer I go without it. Like, I just feel like I'm going to get more confident, more happy, more energetic.

[00:09:29]like your brain feels better, you're smarter, you're wittier, you're everything. And unfortunately, I am more anxious still than I anticipated at 3 months of no alcohol. I really thought the anxiety would subdue like a lot more than it has. It is improved, but it is not cured. I don't even think there is a cure. Even if I don't drink for 6 months, 12 months, I think I'm still going to have anxiety. I have social anxiety. That's a tough nut to crack.

[00:09:50]But I think it's improving with as the months go by with time. I think everything improves. I just said nut to crack. Another reason to stop drinking, it costs a lot of money. Like people don't really realize because it kind of is over time that you notice the cost.

[00:10:03]Unless you're spending hundreds of dollars at a bar, which I never did. I would buy the cheapest [ __ ] I would pregame before going out. That way I didn't have to spend that much money.

[00:10:10]But the thing is, when you're drunk, you kind of spend money anyway. I wouldn't spend hundreds of dollars. But even if you're spending $50 for one night, that's not even worth it. So I drink before, that costs money. You go out, you drink more than you anticipate, that costs even more money. You're literally paying to forget the evening. Like you don't even remember the evening cuz you're drinking too much. Most of the time I wasn't going out anywhere. I would just be with a friend indoors somewhere. I would buy the cheapest [ __ ] I would get little shooters for a dollar or I would get like a four loco which is literally disgusting. Literally battery acid going down your throat. It is so vile. Oh god. So that [ __ ] would only be a few dollars, right? But that adds up over a span of a weekend or if I did go on like a bender, let's say, that was like nearly $100, which is like cheap to some people but not to me. Why am I paying $100 to negatively affect my health, [ __ ] with my brain, make me a meaner version of myself, make me more depressed, more anxious? Do you know that often times I would start out happy and then by the end of the night I'm crying. I'm like wallowing in my sorrow about something. Heartbreak, bad friendship, whatever it may be. That's [ __ ] Like I'm paying to be miserable. If you're crying a lot while you drink, that's a sign stop drinking.

[00:11:08]I'm referring to when I was like really drunk, which was a lot of the time I was really drunk. So that's the problem.

[00:11:12]Like when I was just like kind of drunk, it was fine, but it would always result in more and more and more. It just doesn't stop. Another reason to stop drinking is I think everybody is the worst version of themselves when they are drunk. I don't think a one person is better than they are sober. Not even just with me. I've seen it in other people firsthand, like friends, whoever is around me. I've seen people be meaner, more confrontational, more dramatic. Alcohol and drugs are just so connected with drama. It's insane. Like, your life will have drama when you drink a lot. That's just the reality. You're not going to escape that. If you drink a lot, you're going to have chaos. You're going to have drama. When I was in the thick of it, I was having drama constantly. I was constantly arguing with someone. I would wake up and be like, "Okay, who am I fighting with?" I was like, "Who's mad at me today? And what did I say? What did I do? And what did they say to me?" People have been very mean to me while they were intoxicated. Very [ __ ] mean and horrible. And I've been really rude at times. And I've said [ __ ] that is so crazy and out of pocket that I don't even believe is true. Like I have said things that weren't even true to me. I don't even recognize the person that would say that. I don't believe in drunk words or sober thoughts. I don't believe in that sentiment because I've said a lot of [ __ ] that I really don't truly believe. Like it's not real. I don't even know where I came. I've come up with some creative [ __ ] in my mind when I was drunk. Also, let's be honest. When you're drunk, you talk a lot more [ __ ] You talk a lot of [ __ ] when you're drinking. You're meaner. I would stick my foot in my mouth a lot because I would go on about somebody that I probably should just keep my mouth shut and I would be talking like, "Oh, I'm drunk." Whatever. You have to face the consequences later. I know who I am as a person for the most part. We're still growing and learning all the time, right? But I know who I am. I know my intentions, but me under the influence is not the same me sitting here right in front of this camera. The me under the influence is just this version of myself that is just not pretty. It's someone that can be kind of a nasty person. And I don't want to be a nasty person. I don't want to be a mean person. I've hurt a lot of people with my words when I was drinking. People have hurt me.

[00:12:58]I've hurt others as well. I have been hurtful. I've had so much regret.

[00:13:02]There's been a few friendships that probably would I would remain friends with them right now if drinking wasn't involved. But on both sides, like they've done things and said things that you just can't move past. And I've done a lot of that, too. There's one friend I have in mind that I I feel like we're not friends because I was just out of control with the drinking at the time. I was going through something. The drinking was just excessive. My behavior was over the top. It was too much. We're not friends. I regret that. I missed that friend. I met this person through a job that I really couldn't stand because it was I felt like I was surrounded by a bunch of like mean girls and bullies.

[00:13:31]Like I felt bullied, talked about all the time. I felt like this was one person that accepted me for who I was, was actually there for me. It was a real friendship. We had so much fun together.

[00:13:40]I really love talking to her and the friendship is ruined. So most friendships I feel there's a reason that they ended. This one I feel like is literally my fault and I do regret that.

[00:13:48]So, I wish I could take that back. So, I think we can add that to the list of reasons why alcohol makes you have a lot of regrets. Like, you will regret things in time. Just give it some time. I'm not judging you for drinking. I'm not telling you don't drink alcohol. Alcohol is all around you. You have free will.

[00:14:02]But this is my YouTube channel, so I'm expressing I have seen my life spiral out of control because of booze. It's been bad. There are moments where it's been bad. And it could have been a lot worse, too. I'm about to be at 3 months and 1 week of no drinking. I'm very proud of myself. I'm really happy I took this plunge. I think this is the best thing I literally could have done for my life. I have a lot of things to improve in myself, but this is like such a big improvement. I don't know that there's another factor in this world that's affected me more negatively than alcohol. So, so if I ever had a sign from God, this is my sign. Take this chance. You're still healthy. You're still young. You look good still. You haven't completely ruined yourself. You have a beautiful life and beautiful people in your life. Don't ruin it. That [ __ ] in a bottle has the power to ruin a lot. I'm not perfect. I might slip up.

[00:14:48]We'll see. And I hope that people understand slip-ups do happen. And I but my intentions are good and my intention is to stay away from it. I think I definitely want to implement more of this journey on my YouTube. I don't really talk about alcohol or the struggles I've had with it over the years. I'm embarrassed by the topic.

[00:15:03]It's embarrassing. It might not seem like I'm embarrassed by anything. I do have shame in things. I've also noticed I've calmed down a lot. The older I get, I'm not so out there the way I used to be. Like I used to be a lot more open. I do like to share and I still overshare and that's a big part of who I am. But I'm a little bit more conservative with what I share, but I think this is such a vital topic to a lot of people that I need to talk about it more. So, this was very personal. I'm usually a lot funnier and light-hearted on a video, but this is a serious topic that really affects lives. Like right now, every second something's happening. Somebody's probably dying from alcohol. Every second of the day, somebody's struggling with alcohol, dying from alcohol, or doing something that they're going to regret tomorrow. But if you are on a similar journey as me, I do wish you the best because I know how hard it can be.

[00:15:45]And I also hope that you can forgive yourself for things that you've done in order to move on with your life. You have to forgive yourself. I mean, you might not forget. I'm not always going to forget everything that happened, but I can forgive myself and I have to move forward with my life. I'm very happy I did this video. I feel really good about it. I'm very excited to edit it and post it. And I'm not nervous about it. I I've talked about this before, but this isn't a completely new topic. I talk about it all the time when I have milestones of like not drinking, whatever, but this is the biggest milestone I've had in a while, and I want to keep making videos like this. So, so you're the best for listening to me. Until next time, I'll talk to you soon.