EP48 : The Real Reason Kids Ask “Why” All Day | Rahela Tayyebi

Added: 2026-05-12

[00:00:00]Why is the fan moving? Why do you have an apple on your desk? Why haven't you eaten it yet? When are you going to eat it? Why is apple your favorite fruit?

[00:00:10]Why bus ache or why mbola? We have all been there. And the moment those words leave your mouth, you feel it. That tiny guilt. Yeah, he's just a kid. Why did I snap? But also, you were this close to losing your mind. So, today I want to talk about the why phase. what's actually happening in your child's brain, why it's more important than it looks, and more importantly, a few simple tricks that actually work. There will be no lectures, there'll be no perfect parenting gan, but real practical stuff to ch.

[00:00:53]Hi, I am Rahila Tayyabi, a trauma-informed parenting coach and I make videos about the small everyday moments in parenting that actually shape everything. If that's something you need, subscribe because this channel is for you. Now, let's talk about Q. Okay, so first let's discuss why do kids do this?

[00:01:15]What's going on? So, between the age of 3 and seven, your child's brain is doing something incredible. It is building roads. Imagine a city with no roads yet.

[00:01:26]Every question your child asks, why does the fan move? Why do I have to sleep?

[00:01:30]That is them laying down one more road.

[00:01:34]So basically they are connecting one idea to another. They are not trying to annoy you. Even though sachme it feels that way sometimes and I get you. They are literally building their brain. But here's the part that most people don't know about. The questions aren't just about curiosity. They are also asking something very very deep. Every why is quietly asking are you still there? Will you answer me mama? Will you answer me in the same way again? Can I trust you?

[00:02:05]And that's called attachment. And in simple words, it just means your child is checking if you are safe. If you respond warmly, even once, they feel safe. If you snap, even once, their brain notes it. Careful. This person gets angry when I ask questions and slowly slowly they stop talking. Now, I need you to know that I get triggered too, especially during homework time when I know they are just asking questions to avoid writing. But why do we write with our right hand?

[00:02:42]or bedtime when the day is done I am done and suddenly they have 17 questions about everything going on in the world but mama why do we have to sleep what happens if they don't sleep ever yeah I am not a scientist at 1000 p.m. I am a tired mama. Please. Sojjo. Both things are true. Their questions are beautiful and they are exhausting also and you are allowed to feel both. So what do we actually do? Because be patient is not an advice. That's just a wish we all have. So here is a simple system in just four steps. So step one, the mirror.

[00:03:23]Before you answer anything, just reflect back what they said. Huh? You're really curious about this, aren't you? Or even just a wow, that's a big question.

[00:03:33]That's it. So, why does this work?

[00:03:35]Because a lot of time your child just wants to feel heard. They are not waiting for an answer from you. They want to know that you have noticed them.

[00:03:46]So, this one sentence, it helps. That's all. Step two, turn it back. And I like to call it the secrets move. And this one is really gold. You ask the child, why do you think the van is moving? Why do you think that happens when we sleep?

[00:03:59]Now they might say I don't know that's why I asked you and honestly same I don't know half the things they ask me but stay there just say take a guess why do you think because you are not trying to trick them you are teaching them to think and thinking mlab is the real skill not just knowing answers is important but thinking about it is brilliant. Step three the three best question challenges. This one I learned this from a real parent online and it's genuinely very clever. So when your child is in the full Y mode and you need to break, try this ar you are so good at questions. I have never met anyone with better questions than you. But my brain is getting a little tired. So here's a challenge. Think of three best questions ever. The most amazing ones. And I promise before we sleep, I will answer all three of them. and then watch what happens. Sometimes they will just walk away. Sometimes they will think hard about which questions are worthy.

[00:05:02]Sometimes they will even argue with their siblings about whose question is better. But you get a break. They feel important and challenged. So here nobody loses. Step four, the short answer rule.

[00:05:14]When you do answer to your child, keep it in one or two lines maximum. Don't give a TED talk, not a full explanation, just enough information for them.

[00:05:24]Because here's what happens when we overexlain to our children. The child just glazes over, you are doing all the thinking and they learn if I ask someone, someone else will figure it out for me. So when you give a short answer and you stop, they want more and they will ask for more if they want it. Step five, I don't know. Let's find out. This one changed everything for me. We feel this pressure to have all the answers. I am the parent. I should know about this.

[00:05:54]But what if the most powerful thing you can say is I don't know.

[00:06:00]Or let's check a book. Let's search it together. Because now you are teaching them that curiosity is not a problem to shut down. It's a door to open. And answers are not the things that everybody always has. They are things you can explore together. But a quick note, two things that feel helpful but are not. First is snapping. We know this and we still do it. But now you know that their brain is noting it. So even a small apology after that will always help. You can say words like sorry I was tired. Your question was good. That repair matters sometimes more than getting it right the first time. The second thing is don't overexlain to prove that you are a good parent. Adlab giving a 10-minute answer because you feel guilty for being tired. That's not for the child. That's for you. Short is fine. Short is enough. Here's something small that makes a very big difference.

[00:06:56]Start saying these word often to your child. You're so curious. I love your questions. Wow, you think so deeply because children become what we repeat to them. If they hear stop asking so many questions, they learn that my curiosity is a problem. If they hear you ask such good questions, they learn my mind is something to be really proud of.

[00:07:20]Same child, different circumstances and completely different future. Here's the thing that nobody tells you. One day your child will stop asking you these questions. Not because they stopped being curious, but because they found somewhere else to ask. might be a friend, a phone, a stranger on the internet and that shift is very quiet.

[00:07:40]You won't even notice when it happens.

[00:07:43]So this phase is exhausting but beautiful. Mama why why phase is actually a gift because right now you are their favorite source for answers.

[00:07:54]You are the person they trust most in the world. Don't focus on answering everything perfectly. focus on staying someone they want to ask something when they need it.

[00:08:07]If this made you stop and think do subscribe, share it one parent who needs to hear this today and tell me in the comments what's the funniest why question your child has ever asked you.

[00:08:18]I need to know for research definitely not just for my own entertainment. So see you in the next one.