From Seeking to Simply Being: What Changes After Self-Realisation?

追加: 2026-05-10

[00:00:01]I I don't want to say the destination has been  reached, but it doesn't feel at the moment. It doesn't feel like there's a need to get to a  destination. It's there's there's no need. The seeking falls away rather than the destination's  reached because yeah, we always were what we were looking for. We're never not this identification  appearing in what we are. And that being adopted is is like a a lens of perception we're looking  through. The infinite being is looking through a lens of perception saying, "Well, this relative  experience isn't very nice. Something's wrong."

[00:00:38]But it's referencing a point of view, a me, a  mental idea, a con construct of a of an idea of what it is. But of course, what's looking uh  is already home. Yes. But once that lens is on, then there's this seeking and this searching. And  when that when there's been the the resting as what we are and then less adopting the lens  it sort of dawns more and more hang on well this was my experience oh hang on I never  left that mistaken identity really. Yes.

[00:01:13]Yes. There was definitely a an identity that  was that was running that was running that for my entire life was was seen as real and now it  it's just realized that it wasn't. It's it wasn't and that that's where the relief comes in I think.  And was this been a gradual process for you or was there one point you know obviously people quite  often look for a was there something you did but of course we know that [clears throat] that one  that idea I use my pink pen this one that thinks like there's something I did dies really because  that one was never doing anything that was still doing happening there may have been meditating and  things but so from the point of view of somebody who's seeking is there anything you feel that  was you what was useful um was to realize that there there doesn't need to be a a huge  bang moment. And that waiting for it, that wanting it and grasping and groping and the  mind repetitively telling you you're never there.

[00:02:41]You never will be there until there's this huge  explosion that you can wear as a badge and run around and say, "I have it." It's happening. Yeah.  It wasn't It wasn't like that for me. Um it was really gentle. Uh really unnoticeable almost.  Yeah. And I think that's probably the one thing that I would have liked to have heard. um on the  journey that that I was on was that it it there doesn't need to be a a bang moment for you to  arrive to where you've always been. Yeah. And um it's almost like you're you're just you're  you're taking a really long walk and there's so many distractions on the walk and and at  some at some point the distractions slow down a bit and and then you just turn around and and  realize, okay, they they were all distractions and and I'm okay. I'm I'm where I'm supposed to be.  So um the that was the biggest help I think was to just no one really said to me you need to  have a Big Bang moment. It I just realized those things just weren't needed. Uh it was you  know it was very very gentle. I can't even say it was an unfolding. It was just oh okay this this  is this is what this is what I am. This is what always was. I was just so distracted by you know  the noise of the mind and events and believing so much in in what the mind had to say. You know that  the mind is can be very very powerful. Uh I guess uh one thing I did uh do I guess you could say  was a was a was a lot of looking which which um I did you know after speaking with you at some  at some point you do realize that okay this just cannot be done with the mind. The mind will want  to figure this out so so much. It it will do, you know, it will plead with with you to to to to  understand it and figure it out. But to do the to do the actual looking the mind can't do it and  the the inquiry. So you know like you know where is the where is the eye where is this? Yeah. And  then we're instead of adopting a mind to say well you know it's here it's me it's who I am you know  that's conceptual what where actually is this eye that's causing all the problem that that feels  it's lost and lonely and then it's to rest in the no answer because that is the answer. Yeah, the I  realize you do need some uh some mind to to take an action to to look. So there's there's that part  of it. Yeah. Inquiring. Yeah. Um but what what I was getting tripped up on was was going straight  away back to thought. Yeah. and and listening to what the thought had to say as interpretations.  Of course, when you when you look at that, when you turn around and look at that, they are  just thoughts. They're very kind of [snorts] vapor type whispery elements in the mind. But when  you look at your direct experience, it's it's very different. It's right in front of you. It's  it's immediate. It's alive. It's immediate. It's it's you can't turn away from it. You know, it's  continually running. It's there. Um and you know, the the mind distracts you and you listen to it  because you're just used to it. And and for for new for people who are new on the journey, you  know, it's very difficult to to to suddenly start to not listen to what the mind has to say. It does  seem to take a while for the human experience for that to to not keep giving it authority. Yeah.  I had god 30 30 20 30 years of believing every every word of the mind. So, you know, it does take  a a good bit of looking to realize, okay, there's something else here. It's not just what the  mind has to say. But, um, when there's that, oh, so if you're aware of thoughts, there's a little  bit of a gap. It's almost the beginning, you know, if you can, oh, oh, so I'm witnessing the thoughts  and then it's like, well, what's witnessing? Then you can't find anything. And then the mind, like  you said, will try and answer. Well, it's a me.

[00:08:31]Of course, I'm witnessing it. And you hang on.  Drop that. It just is. It's just it's just what's here. [sighs and gasps] And the the it just all  slows down. The mind slows down and then the insight. It's has such a different quality to it.  Yeah, that's a very good word, quality. Actually, I one of the things that um I did more recently  that was uh really helpful was to have slightly more time directly looking at awareness because I  was just trying to feel into what what qualities it had. So, do you mean in a in a felt sense?  Yeah, it it was just a a sitting with it and and and an an allowing of the moment of being with  this awareness and and just having that little uh you know that that little action of oh okay  what well what qualities does it have you know not using the mind just sitting and being with  it and you kind of start to notice Well, it it's continually running. It's it's it's spacious.  It's vivid. It's it's all encompassing. It's it's always showing, you know, different features  and and there's all these expressions appearing and and it it was that not all of those straight  away, of course, but from time to time I just sit with it and just qu different qualities would pop  out and and you know, it was just it's almost the noticing. Yeah, it was a it was a noticing of of  those things and and you know I it was I didn't make it a practice but I would I would do it from  time to time and and it it would almost just just open up a little bit more you know. Yeah. And um  after a little while I I I think I just stopped doing that and Yeah. Yeah. And there was just a  slight resting in it on a more sort of permanent basis and and there was nothing else to be looked  at. I think this is this is my point of view that there's a subtle inquiry that was g that was  getting you to engage with what you were awareness aware of itself rather than an awareness aware of  thoughts awareness of all that's arising you know what isn't coming and going so it's turning  attention towards what isn't coming and going and then just like a simple empire what is this  but not needing to answer just just the simple seeing of what we are and it's That's the direct  experience of it. And then there can be just a noticing of aliveness from wisdom might be offered  up. Oh, okay. And intimacy may come up because this because it's not apart from you, it's what  you are. So, you know, I used to get delicious.

[00:12:09]Well, it's just delicious because it just is and  it's so simple and it's just here. So it is lovely to to turn you know I think that's just the simple  awareness aware of itself just exploring itself.

[00:12:30]Yeah that's probably a good way to describe it.  Yeah cuz because that that that's what you are.

[00:12:38]So when you're almost exploring yourself from from  from the foundational level from the beginning.

[00:12:47]Yeah. Yeah. So the like the qualities of true  nature. What are the qualities of true nature as a human being experiencing because it's true  it's it's [sighs and gasps] it's the absolute experiencing itself through form. So you're  just checking in. You know it can come as a thought form. It can come as a a sensation. It  can come as a so it's just exploring itself but not through the through that lens of a me that  needs to get it. Doesn't understand it. Wants to it's a conceptualized awareness. Whereas this is  just nonconceptual awareness without the urgency, without the need, without the just just  just knowing itself. That's what it is, isn't it? It's knowing itself because it is the  knowing, the means of knowing. and what's known.

[00:13:37]It's all three collapsed [laughter] together.  It's just the knowing and everything's already known effortlessly [laughter] and and everything  that's appearing is what's what's looking you know it all collapses down is that you know  when you get a strong contrast something very strong appears in the human experience it gives  us chance to see even deeper. Yes, the that was probably this weekend actually or this week. Um,  I spent a couple of days in Wales and uh um the we we went on the beach for a for a stroll, took  my dog and and the the water is freezing cold, but um I wouldn't normally would normally wouldn't  do it, but I you know, thought I'd have a paddle around with my feet, you know, just as the waves  were coming in and it was it was really biting.

[00:14:34]But but there was like a a moment of oh I really  want to feel this this this moment you know not particularly pleasant in the general sense but  you know I wanted to feel just everything about it and and it what was amazing was that you know  this was possible because of awareness and and our true nature and what it what allows you know  those those moments that can easily be missed you know could run into the water run straight back  out oh that's freezing rubbish I'm going to put put my socks back on and do something else but  it was just a a moment to really appreciate it so little things like that start to happen you notice  a little bit more I think of the expressions that appear when we're just noticing the moment as it  is you know there'll be sensations there'll be but but you are the experience you are the moment  you're not apart from it because you've not created any separation no so it's it becomes  a denser experience but not a good or bad or a should and shouldn't just wow I remember  experiencing ing pain, stubbing my toe and thinking, "Oh, this will be interesting." It's as  if true nature goes, "Oh, so this is this will be a fun game. Let's have a look at this from just  naked awareness prior to concepts." And you know, I just directly experienced pain as these waves of  dense experience, not pain at all. It's completely different. I mean, it was the sensation of  that would have been labeled pain. I was the sensation. It was just a movement of dense  sensation. Yeah. Not apart from it, not looking at it. Just I was the sensation. And it it wasn't  was it, you know, because true nature is neutral, isn't it? Very so great. I love that. It's so  great. It's neutral. So, it's not tangled up in the goods and shoulds and shouldn't. It's just so  open and accepting and naturally allowing. Nobody allowing. It just is. So, so it it then, you know,  an email with a complex thing in it is just an email with a complex thing in it. It doesn't have  the, you know, if we look through a lens of a conceptual mind, um, it shouldn't be, oh, this is  a nightmare. I've got all this to do now and why can't they just send it in a simple format? I've  got 30 pages only because happened yesterday and I was like and I was like what is that? I sort  of noticed this annoyance and trying to work out how I was going to do this and awareness just  is and so now it's completely neutral. There's no engaging with how awful that email is and how  complex the job I've got to produce. And then there's no I don't know when it's going to get  done [clears throat] because there's now somebody not organizing it. There's not somebody who's  trying to put the pieces of the jigsaw in place for it to for it to work. There's just well it'll  happen when it happens. [clears throat] There's complete freedom. Yes. Yes. And then you notice  you you start setting up for the thing that you thought was going to be a big problem. You're  ready and you're doing it and it's effortless.

[00:18:18]Yes, it it things start to get done naturally  in its own time. I I have noticed that I can tell a difference now when when the mind or the  me wants to control and it doesn't feel easy in that moment. So what seems to be happening now  is there's an adjust not adjusting but there's a there's a just a noticing that life can be a  little bit more easier if you can I say go with the flow is it well it is flow isn't it it's  a bit like that isn't it yeah definitely it's flow life is already flowing and then the mind  tries to manage the flow and, you know, adopts a me that's going to do this and do that and change  things and and manage the flow when there's nobody managing the flow. It's just an overlay. And um  there's always things that pop up that need to get done. Um but there's there's always like a feeling  that comes with it. It's almost like a following.

[00:19:35]It will it will get done. Not right now, but it  will get done. You don't know when it's going to get done. Or how or Yeah. [laughter] And it  does. It does get done. It's like But the mind might scream, what do you do you need to do it  now? Ignoring it. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:19:56]It's funny. You have to sort of get used to that.  I found Yeah. Operating from effortless being.

[00:20:01]I mean, we are effortless being. That's what we  are, you know, as a human experience. It's just effortlessly being and and then all forms arising  and doing is happening, walking is happening, speaking is happening. Um whereas before there  was just this overlay of, you know, some sort of commentator about it. Well, I'm doing this. I've  got to do this. I've got to do that. Um and an urgency and a contraction and an energy drain,  isn't there? Yeah, there's a definite feeling that if you can just notice the feeling, you'll  know what choice to make in the moment. And that that's Yeah, that's Can you explain that a little  bit more? Is it that you've got a couple of things that you could do and you notice which one to go  to or? So well [snorts] an obvious one is you know a bill comes through and it you know you open you  open the mail bill comes through and the mind will start up straight away right I need to get on this  right now uh because I don't I don't like bills no one likes bills I need to get it paid and then the  more there'll be a more open side also there that almost says or feels there's no need to panic. It  will get paid. You can put that down and it will get paid in the right moment. And it your mind  doesn't want to do that. But if it's if you can do that, it just happens. it it gets sorted out  and and sorry that's such a that's not the best example is the only that's a good example because  everybody knows that they know the contractedness when a bill comes in again it's that urgency I've  got to pay this you know I I need to sort this out now I mustn't leave it I'm going to forget it  I'm going to you know it's going to whatever the mind's offering you know like you say resisting  the bill stress yeah so like and Then a couple of days later, uh, a spare hour appears and I'll  just grab a bunch of bills that need to get paid.

[00:22:25]I'll sit down calmly, get them all paid off,  and then and then it's done. Effortless being, like you say, is flow. So just resting as  what you are and not adopting anything not not attention not going towards mental activity  and and urgency and contraction. It's just one of flow. It's it's you it is just life  unfolding as it's unfolding moment to moment.

[00:22:54]I think this goes the same for the journey that  anyone might be on is it's a similar feeling of of when the mind is always kicking in and and there's  that contracted striving to to to get to get there and to understand it and to [snorts] don't like  to use the word awaken but you know that's what a lot of people crave for um going going with  the flow in a in a more gentle way seems to have uh like a you know not a faster but a an easier an  easier outcome. it the journey is easier I think because you're already operating from effortless  being even if you've not recognized what you are instead of the stress and the strive and the  contraction and this is what David Bingham points to he says just make every day most  easeful and effortless he doesn't say these words but something similar um you can so you go  towards there's two things to do oh that one seems like fun even effortless being is an appearance  in what we are you know what we fundamentally are isn't in the game. Never becomes anything.  So it can experience itself as effortless being wisdom and unity. This is the absolute experience  itself in the denser filters. So all the filters are are just denser experiences. It's like a  field of experience, you know. So effortless being is closer to its true natur to the fundamental  nature. The fundamental nature can't be described.

[00:24:40]It it's non-conceptual.

[00:24:44]It remains. It's never altered. The  the wholeness can appear as division and unity. [laughter] But it's  still wholeness. Yeah. Ultimately, it's it's always free. It's always it's  always but it's actually attributeless.

[00:25:07]Has no attributes at all. So freedom appears  within it. And no, it has a quality of that liberation, total freedom from the game. That's  the quality. That's like the fragrance of it. But when we actually look at what we are, it has no  attribute. There's nothing you can speak about.

[00:25:27]What we are is untouched and altered by all  of the movements it creates for itself to experience. Never becomes anything. That's  where the empty fullness or the emptiness dancing never becomes. It's a world of  becoming but it [clears throat] never becomes anything. It remains unaltered.  So that's what I was pointing to about the for me I had quite a lot of contrast  but it was really helpful because it it got me to say hang on a minute there's all  disappearing but what I am is unaltered.

[00:26:01]It never changes. So the relative is the wholeness  [clears throat] appearing as relative but never becomes anything other than the wholeness other  than the absolute. The absolute remains pristine totally untouched by the game never enters  the game. It's and you can't even it feels like freedom but you almost can't say  that because it can't speak about it.

[00:26:34]You can't you can't attach anything to it.

[00:26:39]Or if we do, we can just peel it away. And there  there it is again because there's it's bottomless.

[00:26:46]Yeah. There's no landing place. There's nowhere  to land. There's no center here. It's interest It is interesting to see how the mind continuingly  commentates about experience a navigation tool for the human experience. that it's it it's become  dominant and then we've taken the navigation tool to be who we are and it's here all with this and  given all our authority over to it and and and fallen asleep to we're that that's aware of the  mind and of course when we look from the bigger picture from the absolute nobody fell asleep  nobody woke up it's all just patterns appearing in Yeah. Different different shapes and  experiences. There's where all the paradoxes are in the in the in [clears  throat] in the experience, you know, walking home to realize you were never left. You  know, declining invitations to realize there was never anybody there. Declining invitations.  All just the experience. All just little, you know, even awareness can be a little landing  position. awareness of which is helpful to begin with because then you're aware of thoughts. So  there's some space. Yeah. But then what's aware of thoughts like you explored awareness aware  of itself you know that that dropped away and there's only just the knowing of the moment and  it is just known. Everything [clears throat] just starts to collapse because everything  that's appearing is what's looking because there's nothing else here. Something  that just popped into into the mind was um was the the amount of of suffering that that  was taking place during the seeking process.

[00:28:58]Oh yeah, it can. Yeah. Perpetuate it. Yeah. Yeah.  And and how real that that can feel when when you're believing that you're that person. Yes. So  suffering is appearing. So it is real. But who's suffering? They seem to be it doesn't exist.  So suffering is appearing. Suffering is being adopted. But there's no sufferer. So it's it's  sort of d it d it's doubled up because you're believing believing that suffering and and it  just goes more and more on top of itself. And when that when that when you can see that that  you're you're not the person that you know the the invitation still might appear but it doesn't  carry that that weight with it and it just it just sort of like dissolves and the I think  that's where the freedom of all of this is is in is when those invitations appear. and you  no longer adopt them like like it was that's you. That's not you automatic. Yeah. It's not  automatic anymore. There's enough space not to Yeah. And it's just that gradual then seeing well  who was adopting them. So it all gets it becomes like you know just like oceanlike then doesn't  it? Like a thought can appear and disappear, a ripple, a thing, a big one, a small. It's it  just becomes this harmonious dance of itself, you know, nothing has that gravity, that pull  that it had because you're not believing in in the one that that you thought was saying those  things, that that identity. Yeah. It's like a it's like a fullon virtual reality headset you put on  and you're you're in it and you're you're there.

[00:30:52]Yeah. Not knowing how to get out of the game.  You've just got to drop the lens. Yeah. Well, I often I often explain it like that that there's  the infinite being and it can just there's this field of experience like, oh, this is interesting.  Oh, look in there. There's a whole world of, you know, appearances. That's so interesting.  Wide awake. Then here is a bit like, oh, we could play this game still awake knowing  what's looking is the absolute. And then, you know, something juicy appears and bang,  you're in the game, not knowing how to get out. You've forgotten your true nature's looking.  Now you're a me and thinking, "I'm lost. I'm lost.

[00:31:28]I'm lost." Yeah. Um and it just takes something to  to quieten that the view and that point of view, that reference point. When that drops, then  people say, "Oh, I had a glimpse." But the but what happens is the this tiny point of view  falls away for a moment in a relaxing situation or a meditation or something reveals what's always  been the case and then a thought comes oh I had a glimpse and then attention goes towards that I had  a glimpse oh how do I get that back again the eye is adopted again so it's the falling way of what  we're not reveals what we are but unfortunately we immediately use the mind give it authority  to judge it wants to say oh there was a glimpse how do I get it back you know a lot of people  who've recognized their true nature on a call then go how do I keep it so immediately that's a  thought that appears in true nature and it's given authority and so it's to just say well can you  leave what you are And where would you be going?

[00:32:46]So who so where is this future event? Are  you going to lose what you are? How how can you just pointing them back to the truth of their  being that you can't lose what you are? Can be an experience. No. And it and it's okay for for you  for people to have those thoughts and those doubts come up. it it's okay. And and I don't think I  anyone ever said that to me, you know. Yeah. You say none of it's wrong. It's just how life can  experience itself. So nobody's getting anything wrong. No. So it's it's already and always the  case that we are this. There's nothing to fight.

[00:33:32]Yeah. It's just it's how life can experience  itself. Wake up, fall asleep to its true nature and wake up to its true nature. But all of  those movement ultimately are seen to be itself appearing experiencing itself. So whatever's  appearing is it? Yes. So it's like so what is happening? [laughter and gasps] It's just it  can appear to fall asleep to that fact to to that knowing that there's nothing else here. everything  that's fearing is it just almost disguised just just experiencing yourself in all these different  ways. I think um you know like you pointed out that it's the direct experience really rather than  operating through mental activity just the direct saying of the moment the knowing of the moment is  key really. Yes. Um, something else that's just popped in was seeing how the body was responding  to all of this. I think I might have messaged you at some point because I think with all the what  what was unfolding that the body the body was also doing its own unfolding. So there was like  a spontaneous um urge to do to do stretches and to do like some dancing uh to you know go for go  for runs and some strange things like that and um just to just impulse to do it. Yeah. It was like  a I don't know a physical releasing almost and um definitely I had that too. the physical form has  got some patterns and it's it's handy to release those patterns in in whatever way and allowing is  the key. Allowing is such a big important thing but for the separate self me allowing is a doing.  I've got to allow and allowing is a spontaneous.

[00:35:42]Yes, it's the non-doing. so used to doing, so  used to contracting, so used to forming, you know, identifying through form appearing and identifying  with form. And it's that there seems to be a stage of just this constant allowing for the physical  form, for the for the grasping, for the sensations of grasping thoughts, just a constant allowing.  I experienced it as like an ice cube melting into water. So, it wasn't anything. It was the  same substance but it was just dissolving just this constant allowing. It can be that with  a sensation appearing you know it can be when there's a lens of a me it's my pain or my tension  but we start to see well there's just a sensation and in just the simple thing of the sensation  it dissolves rather than but it's mine I've got to get rid of it. How do I see through it?  I've got to look at it. I've got to do all this stuff. It It gives it We're giving it um value.  We're giving it importance. We're we're creating now something we've got to get rid of. There's  nobody allowing it. I was like, "Oh my goodness, there's nobody allowing. It's already here.  [clears throat] The thoughts are already here.

[00:36:55]The sensations are already here. Nobody's making  them come. They're already here. They're already allowed. There's nobody allowing them." Oh, well,  that's easy then. It's just the seeing of them.

[00:37:09]That's that's a good that's a good point. One  I think that's something I tried a few times was can I predict any thought any appearance in  into what's taking place? You you can't abs not one single thing. So that you know that that  was a big help towards looking into the you know the person the doer the doer. Yeah. The  one that the controller that's an interesting one. The one that feels like you control  everything. Everything's already happening.

[00:37:49]Yeah. I mean you can plan all you like but  you know that's just a mental overlay. How can how can a mental overlay have any power  to what's appearing? Exactly. Yes. it it has no independent power. It's just a thought that  you subscribe to. There's a there's a me that's got all these thoughts that needs to get rid. We  subscribe to and then in that subscription, yes, I'm a separate self. That's the experience  life has. But when we don't subscribe, when we say we've had enough of that game, thank  you very much. And there's just effortless being there. [clears throat] I think that was another  thing. Effortlessness. Oh my goodness. Why did I not notice that? Our true nature is  effortless. I think at some point you you realize you don't even need to decline it.  No. Who is declining it? No. Nobody. [laughter] But these are like stepping stones until  they're not needed. It's like practices are there until they're not needed. Yes,  because there's these stages of experience, but what's experiencing them is the infinite  being, not the [laughter] me. I think it was uh Ramana Mahashi who said something like using a  a wooden stick to stoke the fire until your stick is just burnt to nothing. Yeah. Yeah, that makes  sense. Yeah, it is. That's the dissolving again, isn't it? Yeah. The ice cube melting into  itself. what what believed itself to be just dissolves and it reveals oh I was never not  this everything that appeared was this there is nothing apart from me there's no opposites  there's no center there's no boundary in re in in absolute reality in in direct experience and  we can't be a thought it's as if the me thought what we are that can't be named. Squidges itself  into a me thought and then has that experience of a me [laughter] but it's infinite and  it as if it collapses into a me thought.

[00:40:04]It's just a thought [laughter] and that's this  experience for me of this conceptual constructed identity. Just wild, isn't it? You can almost  remember that that was always the case all the way right through to childhood. You know that  the the fundamental resting nature was always always there. It and when you when you see it, you  go, "Oh god, that's all the way back all the way.

[00:40:44]There was something that never changed.  Yeah. That was always there, always looking, was aware of it all. That just is so normal.  It gets overlooked, so obvious. It's not paid attention to because the mind isn't is appearing  in it. So the mind can't talk about it. Yeah.

[00:41:02]you I mean if you watch kids play it I you can  probably notice like they they're not preparing each act they're not preparing each game there's  total fluid expression you know and you know it's and you can remember back I can remember back  to that but totally got lost totally Yeah. So, it's that freedom again. Freedom of expression,  just laughing, just falling down, just getting up, just being silly, just giggling so much they  can't actually stand up and then be being annoyed, but it blows through. There's never any there's  never any stickiness. Whereas you know when the identity is formed of this this misidentity is  formed it's got so much gravity and density to it that that somebody says something horrible to  you and you're still talking about it 3 days later and your mind still and a child wouldn't you know  somebody says something mean to them they go I don't like you either shove off and they go off  2 minutes later they're playing with them again cuz they've not held on to it and you may notice  that's what's happening now for you you know I not just something shoots through and it's gone. Yeah.  It's it's like it's like nature almost, you know, it you know, maybe in slow motion, but kind of  like this where you the fl uh the flowers are dead and then spring comes and they burst open and  they change shape and they wither again. And there is a there is a a real beauty and freedom that I  just didn't see before. And for me, the the mental suffering was the initial driving force for the  journey. And to to to finally see that there was no real sufferer in the first place is worth it.  Was worth it. Yeah. Such a relief for the human.

[00:43:19]Yeah. Experience. Yeah. Thank goodness I woke up.  I know we're talking from the human experience now because obviously what we are never but that but  you know we're not ignoring that life is having a human experience. So we can enjoy the relative and  go thank goodness I'm not asleep anymore. You can talk in those terms as well. Embrace the relative  experience. Uh the appearances and the expressions and and the journey and and all of it right now  was was beautiful. Somehow somehow it is. I think that's where we see that it's it was all how life  wanted to experience. Yeah. Itself you know these contrasts is how it knows freedom. It wouldn't  know freedom if it'd not been bound and lost.

[00:44:16]Wouldn't be able to experience the beauty of  waking up. It's just the drama of life. I think the texture of this it's actually quite delicious.  Obviously, not when you're not when you've got the lens of a me and it's Yeah. No, I'm not ignoring  that. So, if somebody is suffering, you're not going to ignore that. you know how that feels,  but you also know the freedom that's available as well. I um I suffered for uh many many years  with uh anxiety and uh from time to time that that still appears especially in the morning. Uh and  the way I used to deal with it was was to wow how do I get rid of this? This is a horrible feeling.  And that's understandable. Yeah. and uh let let me think of I'll go online and I'll search of ways  to do breathing techniques and and yeah all of that and um but you know when that surfaces from  time to time these days um there's more of just just an oh anxiety is appearing that's okay and  and it it's almost like it expresses itself and then without even noticing it it dissolves and  and then you know there's the there's the next experience of oh what a lovely day or you know  a different a different a different experience.

[00:45:58]Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, so I think it's because we  don't engage with it, it doesn't it doesn't stick.

[00:46:04]It doesn't it's not it's not fueled. Yeah. So, it  just dies and eventually those things just become less and less. I think when I was like seeking  I I can remember thinking that ah if if only I can awaken all of this will just disappear. Yes.  Yes. And I'll just be blissful and I won't need to have any anxiety ever again. And yeah, you  know, but it's not that. No, it isn't that. No, it's not that because that's this one taking its  relative view. What's what's appearing as it's almost mirror my life's like this and I can change  it. If you know if I wake up then I'll change this relative picture and this drops. life is still  appearing and that well this is the experience here but there's nobody fueling it anymore and  and it seems to be more home I think it's just the lens that's being perceived through when  there's just effortless the story lines drop I don't really notice if there's just the the  noticing of the moment there's no story lines here no there's just moments it seems and each moment  is different to the next moment, but there's no there's no movie with each moment. So, previously  there was this huge dramatic movie with with and wanting to control the movie. Yeah. And yeah, so  that it's just the moment as it is, brand new, fresh, just here, alive, just this instead of Yes.  perpetuating the movie, the story lines, the the me that needs to fix, control, improve line. It's  just life. Yeah. That that's how life used to be so tiring was wanting to control each moment,  you know, that really tired me out. Yeah. It's exhausting. Even just thinking is exhausting from  from that point of view because it has no energy.

[00:48:12]Yeah. So if we don't fuel the game does it, you  know, because there's a collective fueling of the game of duality and we're drawn into it. You know,  the only power in the game is the power that we're all giving it by looking at our phones. You know,  attention is a is a commodity. Your energy is a commodity that's being used within the game. You  know, your attention is valuable. What the story that's being told is you're a separate self. You  got to look after yourself. You've got to improve yourself. You've got to get ahead of everybody.  You got to survive. You got to get one step up.

[00:48:46]You've got to get on the ladder. You got to keep  going. You know, it's it's a it's this is just so stressful and exhausting. But that's the story  of being fed. And if we put our head in there, then that's that's that's the experience we have  or it's all dropped away here. Not saying things aren't appearing, but like you say, it's just the  moment to moment a bill comes in, but we're not perpetually. Oh my god, the bills, they're all  coming in. What do I do with them? What do I do with them? how much have I got? Let me just check  my bank account. You know, whereas they might be checking your bank account spontaneously. They're  paying a bill spontaneously. So, just a very different like you say, it's just a flow, isn't  it? Yeah. Without the fear and limitation of a separate self mean. It's got a certain amount  of energy, a certain amount of time, certain amount of resources. M making decisions out of  fear, I think, often had a much more difficult outcome. You know, there it's like convoluted and  exhausting, second guessing. Have I done it right?

[00:50:00]Should I have done that? Shouldn't I have done  that? Confusion. Yeah. chaos [laughter] all in the mind then for a for somebody who doesn't exist.  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's interesting, isn't