Watch This If You Keep Falling Back Into Bad Habits

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]Hey, if you're watching this right now, then you are likely somebody who said at some point in time, I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore. That's it. I'm changing. And just a couple days, weeks, or months later, you're doing the exact thing that you said you would not do anymore. All right. So, in this video, we want to talk about why you can't quit. certain things that you continue to do that you don't want to do and you just can't figure out how to break this cycle of restarting every Monday, restarting every week, restarting every couple months. And every guy's got their own thing, right? Some guys, they say, "I'm done with drinking. I'm done with porn. I'm done with scrolling. I'm done missing my morning workouts, my uh alarm clock. I'm done with all these like long days." And a lot of guys, they actually get in control, get on a plane, and do have success. And then boom, you get hit again, and you're like, "How the heck does this keep happening?" You get into your 30s and your 40s, in your 50s, like, "I'm still dealing with this same thing. I thought I was going to outgrow this." And you can't figure out what the issue is. And the real issue is that you're trying to fix a behavior without understanding the root problem, the underlying problem underneath this pattern. So in this video, we are going to unpack this cycle. It's just literally three letters.

[00:01:32]So I want to unpack this. I learned this from a book called Kingdom Driven from my good friend Josh Cashidadori. There's actually a podcast with him and I that we dig into this in more depth. So, if you want to learn more about this, check the link in the show notes. And um he talks about this thing that I'm going to share with you guys today, the PMS cycle. So, it stands for pain, medicate, and then shame. So, what I want to you to first understand is that if you keep going back to something, it is because you are in pain. If you look at it from the perspective of I am trying to escape a pain, then you can also understand why these are addictions. Because addictions are an attempt at a pain-free life and it could be triggered from fear, from abandonment, from rejection, from loss, from failure. These are all things that could be happening now in your life or things that have happened in the past that have not been dealt with. So you have this pain. All right? And when we don't deal with this pain, when we don't learn to heal from this pain, what happens is that we medicate. And we all medicate on different things. And then this medication when we do these things, when we drink too much, when we sleep around, when we watch porn, when we numb out on social media, when we uh sleep in, right? All of these things, we don't they don't make us feel better. Deep down, what we're experiencing is called shame. And shame, I believe, is the number one thing that unfortunately it fuels guys, but it's a short-lived strategy. But it's the biggest thing that holds men back from becoming the next level of themselves. First of all, shame is very painful. Um, if you're if you're feeling shame, it does not feel good at all. It is one of the most overwhelming feelings that you can experience and it's a very isolating emotion. All right? It's something that it's like, "Oh man, I don't even like what is this? this does not feel good because it's stemming from a sense of unworthiness. Um, it's sensing from a lack of value. It stems from feeling inadequate. It stems from feeling like I I've done something wrong. This is not in my highest good. I'm not in alignment with who I know. And it then comes with even feelings of regret, feelings of humiliation, embarrassment, and just self- disgust. You're like, it's not stuff that you want people to see. Shame isolates man. And an isolated man is a man who can never heal. That's what shame does. It separates you. It makes you hide. You do not want to be seen.

[00:04:08]You don't want to be truly seen. All right? Like in terms of what's going on inside. So what you do is you suffer in silence. And men carry this. And if you look at the internet, you might even start to experience more shame when you start to see all these other guys who are like buff and they're shredded and they're successful with their businesses and yet you don't understand what might be driving them. So then you compare yourself to them and like, "Oh man, I feel even worse about myself now." This pain will transfer into your marriage.

[00:04:45]It will transfer into your parenting. It will transfer into your integrity. It will transfer into your nervous system.

[00:04:52]And then this shame just keeps men from asking the one question that would actually set them free. What is the pain underneath that I am running from?

[00:05:02]Because the moment you can actually answer that question, everything changes. And this is what I had to figure out after I got separated. See, we are all trying to treat the symptoms.

[00:05:13]And until you start to treat the root issue, you will never heal and be whole.

[00:05:19]By the way, I've created a six-part miniourse called the men of bedrock operating system to help men start installing discipline into their days and help them get honest where they are not following through on their disciplines so they can start seeing where they're perhaps medicating and then they can start the process of healing. If you're interested in that six-part miniourse, which is 100% free, check the first link or second link in the description below and make sure you snag it before you leave this video.

[00:05:49]Now, I want to share with you a story uh with my girlfriend and I. Okay, so recently Ellie just shared something very vulnerable with me. uh just last week she uh was out at a conference in um Arizona and I told her on the phone that I was going to the gym late at night and um that's something that I never do and because she has a history of betrayal, intrusive thoughts showing up as fear, uh fear of abandonment, fear of being hurt, when I shared that I was going to the gym in the evening time, um she started to um have these thoughts and she expressed them to me very fairly, very clearly. And what she needed in that moment was my reassurance, right? She didn't need me to justify my actions or explain myself or get defensive. She just needed me to be with her and simply say, "Hey babe, I've got no eyes other than for you.

[00:06:52]Nothing would ever happen like that. I'm here. you're okay. Just that reassurance, you're safe with me. And and what's crazy is in this moment, I froze. And in the moment, you know, because we have so much trust and safety, I said, "Hey, I'm shutting down right now. And I think I know why." Um I think I know why I'm not moving towards you right now and why I'm not being able to be fully present and give you the reassurance. Cuz she goes, "All I need you to say is, "Hey, uh babe, that would never happen." That's she actually told me what to say. And even though she told me literally what to say, I couldn't spit the words out. And when I was, you know, really honest with myself, I just wanted to tell her, "Here's what I'm experiencing right now. Um, I'm experiencing fear right now. I'm feeling like exposed right now. And I'm feeling like I would be showing you how much I care if I said that. And my fear of um being fully needed and being fully seen is freaking me out because I've built my whole identity around being valued as somebody who brings stuff to the table and it provides and for what I do. And right now you're seeing value in me uh for just being there for you. And I realized in that moment that so much of my identity was built around performance, achievement, independence that somewhere along the line, I built this belief that if I let people fully matter to me, I can get hurt. My business could suffer. And if my business suffers, then I'm no longer going to be perceived as successful, which is where I find a lot of my comfort and assurance. And that was the deeper pain. And I want to just share with you one more story. I want to go back a little further because this is where um the PMS cycle became the most destructive in my own life during my marriage days. So there were many nights in my marriage where there was like allout wars um screaming matches very dysfunctional communication to say it nicely just conflict a lot which led to like disconnection tension distance and underneath all of that after that all happened I felt extremely rejected. I felt like a complete failure. I felt unwanted. I felt misunderstood. I felt unseen. And those were all the triggers th those feelings. And instead of leaning in, instead of having the hard conversation, instead of fighting for intimacy and saying, "Hey, I am so sorry. Um, I'm sorry for hurting your feelings." You know, instead of like embracing, instead of holding, instead of like going and saying like just coming in humility and saying, "I I want to reconnect. I'm here. What did I do? I medicated.

[00:09:51]What did I medicate on? I'd go downstairs.

[00:09:55]I'd get a shot of bourbon. Sometimes two, sometimes three shots of bourbon.

[00:10:00]I'd put my headphones on. I lock the door and I go to Pornhub and I just completely check out and I would just watch some really bad stuff. Not because I was evil, not because I didn't love my wife, because I didn't want to feel those feelings of rejection, feeling unwanted, feeling misunderstood, feeling unseen. And then what happened after I drink and I'm all buzzed and it's late and I got to work the next day, I got people counting on me. I feel shame. And this is why so many high-erforming men are exhausted because they are wearing a mask. Because pretending you're okay is exhausting. trying to outperform all this unresolved pain is exhausting. And that's what I would do. I'd go back to work the next day. I'd keep crushing it.

[00:10:48]Keep building all these things that would make it look like I got everything together so I wouldn't have to deal with this pain. Take a lesson from the Titanic. You can't compartmentamentalize your life. This is what I mean by it affecting your integrity because integrity means integer. The root word of integrity is integer. So you are no longer a whole number. You are a fraction person and fraction people never heal. So to become whole, we have to start to heal. And discipline is not going to fix this. Another podcast is not going to fix this. Another expensive mastermind is not going to fix this.

[00:11:25]What fixes this is ruthless honesty. The willingness to ask, "What am I actually running from?" But most men just stop here. They go, "Oh, cool. Okay. pain, medicate shame. They get these insights, but they don't ever say, "Okay, now I need to deal with this." Well, one of the things that I have created to help men is my men of better rock coaching program where we have six daily disciplines. And the purpose of these disciplines is for you to start to get honest with why you don't follow your morning routine, your evening routine, why you're, you know, checking out not doing your no phone zone, why you can't stick with your diet, why you're not following through on your workout program. And it's to first expose where you're not being honest with yourself. And then we can start to identify, hey, there's a trend here.

[00:12:14]What is the root issue of this? So, if you're interested in going on this journey where you're not hiding, where you're not doing life by yourself anymore, and you want to start building discipline and consistency in your life, and you want to start to work on these areas that you're running from, then grab the free video miniourse. It's in the description below. And if you're ready to take it to the next level and get healed, stay tuned for a brand new master class I'm going to be announcing very soon. It'll be announced to everyone on the Bedrock video miniourse.

[00:12:47]So, make sure you grab that before you leave. Until next time, level up or level off. Chowo chia brother. In this video, I want to show you how to build something that outlives you. And we are going to use a journal. The proper way to do journaling is going to be revealed in this video. I want to share with you a seven-part framework that I have just started utilizing. This is to show you how to actually create something that you would want to give your kids, something of probably the greatest value. If there was one thing that you left when the house was burning down, it would be this. And I want you guys to understand that this is really built to help you to record your growth and to help you prevent just kind of drifting and wandering through life being uncertain and not being able to make decisions from your experiences and from your learnings. And if you're somebody who's looking to become a better leader, you're looking to think more clearly and you're looking to have more direction in your life, then I want to just walk you through how this all works. So, this can be a tool that like builds your life.

[00:13:53]Um, but if it's done in properly, it can be something that tears down your life.