This comedy web series features contestants Julie Rosing and Trae Crowder competing in absurd challenges hosted by Ed Larson, with Amber Nelson as the People's Champion and Jared Logan as the VP of Human Resources, where contestants must find the 'brighter side' of ridiculous scenarios like 'farts,' 'orgies,' and 'adrenaline rush' activities while facing elimination through a crossbow.
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PLAYOFF carnage CONTINUES / HGx2: BLOOD TOURNAMENT 2K27 / PHASE SIXAdded:
I never said that. I said if she was dead, I would have more money and I'd be able to get drunk at SeaWorld more often. That doesn't mean I want her dead. Egg on my face.
Jesus. No. Please don't make me choose.
My wife Julie is a scoundrel and half fraggle and she can't dance as good as you, LD. She stinks like dookie farts and puke. Okay. You happy now? Can we just start the show? All right. Thanks.
I love you. Bye.
She means nothing to me. Welcome to Yes.
YES. WELCOME BACK. THE PLAYOFFS are underway. Juicy, wet, AND ALL FULL of sick. Let's meet these contestants.
Amber Nelson back at it again.
>> Can't stop. Won't stop.
>> So, if you win the tournament, uh, what will you do with your winnings?
>> I'll buy a man and then I'll kill him.
>> Pretty sure you can do that for free.
>> THEN I'LL BUY TWO.
JULIE, MY SWEET, SWEET, beautiful wife.
I love you. It's good to see you.
>> Yeah, you're dead to me.
>> All right, moving on. Contestant B. What should I say to my wife to make her not hate me?
>> Uh, >> well, today's judge is the honorable senior vice president of human resources, Alan Deming. How you doing, buddy? Thanks for coming by.
>> Oh, hey guys. How's it going? Hey, this could have been an email. Am I right?
OKAY. HEY. OH, so how are things? Are everything seem copathetic to you on set? You think uh it's uh okay that we have my wife here or do you think that's a problem?
>> Hey, you know, I think that women can be uh just as good at things as men can be.
>> God damn it. He's hilarious.
>> I'm excited to see if any of these guys move the needle here. Uh I will say if anybody gets hungry, we have some snacks in the common room. We got some dry hikima.
>> Anybody would like some dry hikima that's available.
>> M&M's. M&M's.
>> There will be no M&M's. No. And um >> N&N's I was asking about >> NNS.
>> Yes.
>> NN.
>> Any chance?
>> Uh you know uh last time we gave people NNN's they started to become willful.
>> Okay.
>> Then we had to have another round of hangings. Proceed with initiative protocol.
LET'S SEE THIS BIG [ __ ] BOARD, BABY.
WOO! Look at that [ __ ] HOT AS HELL, MAN. The categories are influencers, travel, feet, adrenaline rush, farts, and orgies. Amber Nelson, you're our eternal champion. Please, >> let's do feet for two.
>> Bunions.
>> You know the uh what's the better thing about bunions is I have them and I got this thing called a toe spreader and it makes my feet uh feel much better. And actually, if you cuz I have a high arch and if you have a high arch, you can move faster. Yes. Influencers for two.
>> Influencers for two. Let's see. Oh, it's just a prank, bro. It's just a prank.
I've always wanted to use my boxing skills for good. Let's do adrenaline rush one.
>> Parachute won't open.
>> Well, at least the kids get a confetti party with my body organs. Farts for one.
>> IPA.
>> I've always wanted a drink with the bros. Hang with the bros.
>> A >> I actually don't. Thanks.
>> Contestant A. What is the brighter side to IPA farts?
When you smell the IPA farts, you know who to avoid.
>> Good job, baby. Good job. I'm so proud of you.
>> Thank you. Thank you. Uh, I'm going to go travel for three.
>> [ __ ] in holes.
>> I love um working on my squats and figuring out just keeping my knees limber. Orgies. One, >> a seafood buffet.
>> Love a little shrimp in the cter.
Adrenaline rush for four.
>> Everglades snake hunt.
>> Uh, it sounds like a really horrible event at a family reunion.
>> Oh, all right. Contestant P. What's the brighter side to an Everglades snake hunt? Get to feed the weakest members of your party to snakes. Uh, influencers for three male butt models. Uh the upside of that is that you can get a whole Greek Bakanalia thing going on pretty quick if if you know farts for four.
>> You [ __ ] THEN PUT IT BACK IN YOUR butt and then fart it back out.
>> Upside of that is you've apparently somehow gained the ability to turn poop into farts or vaporize poop which seems like it could be useful in the apocalypse.
>> Great feet for one. Ooh, overgrown toenails.
Uh, doubles as a weapon in a kickboxing fight to the death. All right, adrenaline rush for five.
>> HANGING WITH ISIS.
>> HEY, who better than the apocalypse?
They got they, you know, they figured this out pre-apocalypse. You know, >> that's right. We turned ISIS into nis.
>> Travel for two.
>> Coked up Australians.
>> Uh, you know, they're going to [ __ ] Yeah. AW. ALL RIGHT, AMBER.
>> AH, [ __ ] hell.
>> At least the coke will get the Australians to speak a little bit faster.
Feet for three.
>> Ooh, a weird manicure. I don't like it.
>> That means uh that director Quinton Tarantino, he's going to love you.
Um, let's go. Travel for four.
>> Kidnapped for organs.
>> Well, I drink a lot, so they're going to have to ring out my kidneys like a rag.
Travel for one.
>> Asking for ranch dressing in Milan.
>> We got to let these Italians know that America is just simply better.
Let's go travel for five.
>> Finding yourself.
>> Well, you're going to find out that you've been wherever you are. Here you are.
>> All right. What is the brighter side to finding yourself while you travel?
generally means like a lot of really good food. So, you're just eating really well.
>> All right. Very nice.
>> Uh farts for three.
>> 4 day old sag paneer.
>> Juicy and just like moisturize your insides. Influencers for one.
>> Mommy bloggers >> that they're just horrible to their kids, which is probably good for I mean I don't like kids, so um >> yeah.
>> Uh Adrenaline rush for two.
>> Grabbing a cop's gun.
>> Oh wow. There's nothing I love more than assaulting an officer. Um, influencers for four.
>> Apology videos.
>> Oh god. Apology videos. The brighter side uh of that is um just all of the horrible comments.
>> All right, contestant B. What is the brighter side to apology videos?
>> Someone's made an apology video. You know, you were justified in murdering them for a piece of meat. Uh, feet for five. Oo, fungus.
Hey, you know, it's not shiakei, but it's the apocalypse. You know what I mean?
>> Forbidden parmesan. The forbidden parmesan.
>> Hey. Oh, good lord. Uh, adrenaline rush for three.
>> Man on Subway with a knife.
>> Finally, a worthy adversary. Am I right?
Orgies for five.
>> Let's see it.
Oh, it's a hoopy.
>> This happened to me last time. This thing doesn't LIKE ME.
>> OH NO. Everybody knows that Hoopy's lactose intolerant.
>> [ __ ] you, Hoopy.
>> All right, Amber. Let's see what you got.
>> Let's do orgies for four.
>> One-sided open relationship. I'm I'm in bed by 10:00 p.m.
Let's do orgies for three.
>> White people with dreads.
>> They cannot you can eat the lice like little snacks. Let's do orgies for two.
>> Lone man in corner.
>> You know, I bet he's got some interesting theories about 9/11.
Feet for four.
>> Oh, they're swollen. Now you get to ride on one of them zapper wheelchairs for Disney.
Uh, let's do farts for two.
>> Deiled eggs.
>> I mean, you ate some devild eggs. That's the brighter side right there cuz they're delicious and they're good for you. Uh, do farts for five.
>> Ed Larson in 2009. This is going to be a tough one.
>> Woo. I used the bathroom right after Ed did earlier and it's, you know, it's sweet.
>> Yeah.
>> Smells sweet. He has a sweet poo poo.
>> It's a diabetes. That's influencers for five >> sponsored content.
>> I gotta remember to get a full mattress bed cuz my mattress just sits on the floor now. No.
>> Oh, all right, Julie. What is the benefit to sponsored content through influencers?
>> Uh, you know which brands to avoid.
>> Great first round. Great first round, everybody. I'm so proud of you, contestant B. Sorry about the hoop, but you know they love you. Scorekeeper, what's going on, buddy? How you doing?
All right, we've got Amber Nelson with 35 points.
>> Contestant A has 21 points and contestant B has zero points.
>> Boom.
>> Round Mort.
The scorekeeper is standing on the edge of the Golden Gate Bridge, one of the world's most beautiful places to commit suicide. Each contestant must try to talk him out of KMSing himself. Please give it a shot. Remember, hope floats, but heads don't. Amber, you may go first. So sick of being just a head. I just want to be a man with a body.
>> Hey, you gorekeeper. What are you doing up there, buddy?
>> I just don't want to be in this planet anymore if I'm just going to be his head. I want to I want to be able to to do jumping jacks and [ __ ] like that. And I can't ever done doing none of it, man.
>> Hey, at least you're never going to have body dysmorphia. I go through my life thinking I'm fat all the time. You never have to do that, buddy.
>> Yeah, but you know how it feels when you got to take a big [ __ ] and then you do it and you feel so much better afterwards. I don't get to feel nothing like that or be big and strong and get my dick sucked. [ __ ] >> NEVER [ __ ] YOUR PANTS AGAIN CUZ YOU DON'T HAVE ANY pants or A BUTTHOLE.
>> I WANT PANTS so bad.
>> Pants are really hard to find. You never have to go jean shopping again. Do you know how difficult that is?
>> Well, I guess you got a point there.
>> I don't know if I'm a size four or a six or an eight. I got to take my shoes off all the time in H&M. Like it's like finding the holy grail in jeans. Yeah, I guess I was all fat and covered in cysts before they took my body away.
>> Now you you don't have to pop your cysts. You don't have to go to a water park with a wet bandage over your cyst.
>> IF I IF I don't jump, will you go get a burger with me?
>> Yes, we'll get a burger and then we'll try to get on a slide immediately after.
>> Okay, that sounds nice. It doesn't. Keep that head from bottom.
>> I'm so sick of being the scorekeeper. I don't want to do it no more. I just want to jump off the stupid [ __ ] bridge.
>> Do it. Seriously, honestly, I I'm not really sure how you exist as a as a person right now or as a thing. You're a floating head. I'm very fascinated at the idea of you jumping off this bridge.
Buddy, let me ask you a question. Do you have loved ones?
>> No.
>> Look, I'm sure you suck. I'm sure you're really bad at >> People call me People call me the snorekeeper >> and like bore sleeper and stuff like that.
>> The whole thing, >> right?
>> If you die, you're just going to cause such an issue for everyone else and you're going to become an even bigger problem. Okay. So, right now, you're just little floating head that people like.
>> Yeah, I'm jumping. No.
>> Contestant B. TALK THEM DOWN. WAIT, that's wrong. Jump into it. Make a splash. None of these work. I'm going to end it all. Damn it.
>> How can a floating head jump off? I'm not saying you should. I'm just >> Right.
>> It's confusing.
>> That you can.
>> Yeah. Yeah. It's confusing. The concept's confusing. I get it. Right.
Cuz one would think I could just hover down to the water and then hover to the coast, right?
>> Also, I feel like you have some like advantages you're not uh you're not giving yourself credit for it, you know?
>> Sure.
>> As just a floating head.
>> Sure.
>> Like uh you know, you feel like a less likely target for all the cannibals out there. You know, they love brains, but you know, if it's between just a brain and a guy that's got a brain plus a sweet sweet liver.
>> Yeah. I don't have that. I don't have that ass meat like those guys in uh what was that? that movie Alive, right? That was a good one.
>> Marginally fewer uh uh like holes for like marauders to, you know, uh use and stuff.
>> Oh my god.
>> You still have most of them. I guess >> I hate a marauder. I mean, seriously, those guys. Unbelievable.
>> It's really only down like two holes.
And you kind of got an extra like bonus hole with the neck thing happening. So that might actually >> I could hover to the [ __ ] moon. I think I'm going to do it. I THINK I'M GOING TO LIVE AND I'M GOING TO hover hover to the moon. THANK YOU SO MUCH, weird guy in the boat.
>> Yeah, I can't BELIEVE THAT WORKED.
>> YEAH, BABY.
>> Great work, everybody. Phenomenal stuff.
Only once did the scorekeeper do it. One out of three. Hey Pat, honorable SVP of human resources, Alan Deming. You have 20 points to give out here. Um, you can give them all to one person. You can give a little here, a little there.
Well, let me tell you, thanks for circling back. I thought there was a lot of synergy with this group. I was a little confused about the deliverables on this project, particularly when it came to Amber Nelson. I'm hearing a lot about cysts. Amber, I think people want to talk about body positivity.
>> You're right. You're right.
>> Not body dysmorphia.
Come on. I want a show that's like Ted Lasso. That makes me feel good. So, for you, I'm going to go five points.
>> Oh, thank you. Thank you. We'll circle back.
>> Yeah. Now, Ted Lasso, he hung himself, >> right? Uh Ted Ted Slipnot, I guess, should have been the name of the show.
Really?
>> There we go.
>> Yeah. 15 more points. Let's see here. Uh you know, Trey, uh you had a lot of questions. I think people want answers, not questions.
>> Acting like you don't know something is is weak.
>> Mhm.
>> That's weak. So, I'm giving you a five points.
>> That's fine. Got to tell you, uh, the last tribunal I was part of was presided over by a naked man wearing a severed goat's head on top of his own, and this dude is way more terrifying than that.
So, yeah, I'll take whatever he says.
>> Well, I work with the naked goat man, and let me tell you, that guy can put him back at TGIF Fridays.
Oh my god, so many margaritas.
Julie, hey. Hello, disruptor.
>> Hello. You are really disrupting with your performance. Just telling the head to kill himself. And Julie, ultimately, that's what we want to see.
Yes, you pleased a man. Congratulations, Julie.
>> You pleased a man in power.
>> Keep it up.
>> Keep it up.
>> Please keep it up.
>> Yeah. I'm going to give you 10 points.
Wow. You hear that, baby? You got 10 points.
>> Shoot me.
>> Yeah. Can we get a score update from scorekeeper? How you feeling, BUDDY?
>> ALL RIGHT, T.
>> Are you less sad?
>> Yeah, that was my Jim Carrey impression.
Did you like it?
>> Yeah, that's so cool. It's like you didn't even kill yourself. We were sad once.
>> Yeah, somebody stopped me.
>> Cameron Nelson has 40 points. Contestant A has 31 points and contestant B, I believe in him, but he's got to make a big comeback here because he's at five points.
>> Yeah. Okay. So, winner gets ham, but loser gets the sweet release of death.
>> Yes.
>> Okay.
>> You don't just get ham, you're the ham lord.
>> Right.
>> You could control the ham.
>> It would be marginally better than dying, but I'm just saying trying to look on the bright side. That's the order of the day, right? Yeah, it is.
Look at this. You know what? Give him three points, would you?
>> All righty then.
>> ALL RIGHT. PHYSICAL PROTOCOL. Final judgment.
Once again, our contestants will be given a trauma that they must translate into an interpretive dance. I hope you brought your Molly kids because this event got rave reviews. Got to got to hire a writer. Amber Nelson, YOU KNOW.
LET'S GET BUSY.
And your trauma is you were raised in a cult.
Heat.
Heat.
Heat.
Heat.
That was captivating. No pun intended.
All right, you beautiful contestant A, get on there and shake that money maker.
You married Ed Larson. Should say Colonel Ed Larson, you know, but that's fine. You married Ed Larson.
I walk with you through fire and the rain head and neck, my love, I'll keep you safe.
We're going to be all right. I'm yours.
You're mine. Our love is once in a lifetime.
We're going to be all right. Even on the lightest I love once in a lifetime.
We're going to be all right. even on the line cuz our love is once in a lifetime.
>> Okay.
>> All right, contestant B. I know you know how to move that honey. Let's see it bounce.
YOU WERE ABDUCTED BY BIG PHARMA for an experimental drug study.
Heat. Heat.
Heat. Heat.
All Honorable SVP of human resources, Alan Deming. Please tell us how they dance. And you got 30 points to give out. So, make sure you spread them around or give them to everybody. Or you know what you could do? You just tell everyone to go [ __ ] themselves and give no one nothing. You do whatever you like. Oh, he's asleep. What? Okay, there he is.
>> Uh, is this the dance thing?
>> Yeah, IT'S A DANCE ONE. ALL RIGHT, Amber Nelson, start with you again. just to you know uh I felt like instead of purging trauma you were creating trauma.
I shouldn't have to look at something or hear an idea that I don't like ever. I only want to be fed BACK THE IDEAS I LIKE. You get um What do you think?
>> I'm going to go set uh Wait, I got this.
>> We'll hold. We'll hold. I'll put this on my Indeed resume.
>> I'm going to go.
>> What do you think?
>> Seven points.
>> Seven points. Not bad.
>> Not bad. Thank you. Thank you so much.
>> Not bad. Julie's dance.
>> Contestant A, please.
>> Contestant A's dance. I I didn't understand the premise. Uh, it was very confusing that this woman married Ed Larson.
>> Yeah.
>> I didn't understand how that was possible. like why would she do that?
Cuz she's she's like a attractive woman and then you're Ed Larson. So >> I ask myself these questions every day.
>> It didn't make any sense to me.
>> No, it makes no sense.
>> Uh and I need I need something that I I don't need to like figure out, you know?
I'm looking for like an Emily in Paris, you know? I want to be able to look at my phone while I enjoy the dance. Yeah.
Yeah.
>> So, I'm giving uh Julie eight points.
>> Eight points. Eight points. Not bad. Not bad. Not bad. All right. So, contestant P gets 15 points. Is that how we're doing it? Or I mean I mean I don't Sorry. I don't want to say what you're supposed to say.
>> You don't know how many points I'm going to give contestant.
>> I have no clue what you're doing.
>> Yeah, you don't. No, you don't have any clue. So, >> I'm sorry, sir.
>> That's okay. Hey, we're This is team building. This is teamwork. Okay. We're going to work together and get through this. But don't assume that I'm giving 15 points just because that's all that's left to give.
>> Okay, you're right. You're right. How many were you thinking about giving?
>> I'm gonna give him 15 points.
>> Okay, good.
>> And I like that it was kind of minimalist and German. I really like German things, especially oldfashioned German stuff.
>> Yeah.
>> Like from like the mid 20th century, >> right? That's the height. That's the height.
>> Yeah. That's my favorite stuff. Uh, scorekeeper, how we looking, baby.
What's This is the big one. This is the big one.
>> Oh, yeah. We've got Amber Nelson with 47 points, contestant A with 39 points, and contestant B with 23 points. The Zer.
>> Oh, well, we don't know that answer yet.
And we do because that means that the lovely contestant A um and that means that the horrible contestant B is literally going to be eliminated. Oh, great news. We have a really special treat for our viewers and for contestant B who deserves to be killed like a hog in a slaughter house. Today we're going to USE A CROSSBOW.
ALL RIGHT.
Oh god, he's so funny.
>> I actually am very excited for the opportunity to die. It's just hard for me to express because those experimental drugs obliterated my capacity to feel.
But I am looking forward to this. Thank you.
>> All right. And this death will be brought to you by Big Bass Pro Shop. Go ahead and get all your hooks and lures DOWN AT BIG BASS PRO SHOP and get a big bass while you're there, too. Swim in the tank. Have a good time. And remember, there will be no self-pleasuring during the elimination ceremony.
There are lots of places now where the workplace has become, I would say, excessively politicized. And so people do have viewpoints and it feels Feel great.
All right, come on in.
Choose it now.
You ever have pretzels?
>> Love a pretzel.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. It's too bad we don't have the ingredients to make them anymore. M.
>> So sad.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, we got salt, though. Love salt.
>> Plenty of salt. Plenty of salt.
>> Got to kill them slugs.
>> Yeah, man. That's where we get it from.
You know, I I like to take one of those sticky [ __ ] and just suck the salt right off.
>> Yeah, that's great. Cursing. Look at that. Just cursing all you want, huh?
>> Uh, yep. I I enjoy cursing in my free time. Uh, [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] puss [ __ ] >> Yeah, >> nugget [ __ ] >> Yeah, that's a good one, too.
>> Did he? How are we?
Oh, titty.
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