Why Avoidants LOVE Long Distance Relationships

Ajouté : 2026-05-19

[00:00:00]Dismissive avoidance love long-distance relationships. It is their wheelhouse.

[00:00:06]More often than not, when I hear about a long-distance relationship, it involves somebody who's dismissive avoidant. Why is this? Because physical distance helps them control emotional distance. But they seem so vulnerable. Yeah. at a controlled distance. They can text when they want, call when they want, disappear when they want, take a step back when they feel overwhelmed without even letting the other person know. And this can go on for quite some time. It can extend that shared fantasy phase because they get all the benefits without the true vulnerability. They get access without deep accountability. They get access when they want it, but they get all the benefits of connection while still being able to not be fully vulnerable and to control intimacy. But what happens when the relationship becomes more real or if you move to be closer to them? Cuz that's usually how it goes, not the other way around. Well, suddenly the person that was chasing you, the person that was so open and so into you is pulling away. They're getting cold. They're getting distant and then comes the discard. I hear so many times, I moved across country or I moved internationally to be with them and then within days or weeks of me uprooting my entire life, they are discarding me, giving me a vague excuse saying they're just not ready or the spark is gone. And it is devastating because not only did you just lose the relationship, the person you thought you had, but you've also uprooted your entire life for them only to be left holding the pieces. It it it is devastating to go through. So be careful with long-distance relationships. Don't just enjoy the con connection and the chemistry. See if this person has capacity.

[00:02:07]See if they have emotional depth. See if they can be accountable. See if they can take it deep. Look for the red flags of emotional unavailability. Because if you uproot your life for somebody who's dismissive, avoidant, you are in for a very, very painful surprise when you uproot your life to be closer to them because it is earthshattering.

[00:02:31]So much more than just your average dismissive, avoidant, discard. Hold boundaries. Look out for red flags and don't just have the mindset of I need them to like me.