Big Sister Advice You Might Not Want To Hear

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]In this episode, I am going to talk to the little sisters today because there are some things that you need to hear that obviously no one has told you.

[00:00:09]Maybe they've told you and you just need to hear it in a different way or you need to hear from your big sis, honey, because I've been where you are. I've been 23. I've been 25. I've been 30.

[00:00:17]I've been 35. I've been 40. What? So, I'm here to talk to you and this episode might sting a little. It might not be so warm and fuzzy, but these are the things that you need to hear. So, grab you something good, honey, and let's get into the big sister advice that you need to hear. Hey, girl. Welcome. Welcome.

[00:00:35]Welcome back. If this is your first time here, hey. My name is Shamika. I'm your best friend, your big sister. Today, I'm your big sister. I can be your favorite cousin. I can be your little sister, your bestie for the restie, your life coach, your accountability partner.

[00:00:48]Whatever you need me to be is who I can be for you. And I create comfort for the girl that's ready to level up. For the girl that's ready to change her life.

[00:00:54]For the girl that is done playing small.

[00:00:57]For the girl that is done playing the supporting role in the movie of her life. She's ready to level up. She's ready for the good, the great, the wonderful, the amazing. I'm here for her and I create comfort for her. So, if that is your vibe, stick around and subscribe. Hit the subscribe button.

[00:01:11]I'll wait. Thank you. And make sure that you like and comment as well so that YouTube knows who this video is for, okay? Okay, girl. So, if you are young, pretty, emotional, ambitious, confused, hypersensitive, whatever you are, this is for you. You need these seven pieces of advice. You need to hear these things, girl, so that your 30s are better than your 20s, so that your 20s are better than your teenage years, so that your 40s are better than your 20s and your 30s and your teenage years.

[00:01:42]Just so that you can have a better life.

[00:01:43]So, listen up. Number one, honey, only surround yourself with people who have something to lose. Woo. I learned that the hard way, but you have to. If you're surrounded by people who don't have anything to lose, that means that they will do anything, they will say anything, they will be anywhere, they're not selective of what they do, they have no standards for living. They have no standards for where they go. So, make sure that you are with people who care about their image, who care about their life, who have standards. You have to be around a certain caliber of a person.

[00:02:17]Everybody cannot have access to you.

[00:02:19]Period, plain blank. I understand you grew up with them, I understand they grew up two houses down from your grandma, I understand that y'all went to middle school and elementary school together and now y'all are in high school together or y'all went to middle school and high school and now you're in college together, but if they do not have the same high morals that you have, if they don't have the same standards that you have, if they act like anything, if they'll pop off at anybody because they don't have anything to lose or if they will do anything that is unintegral because they don't have anything to lose, that can impact you in a negative way. So, be careful about the company that you keep. You are that you keep. If you hang around five girls that are ghetto, that don't have anything going on, that just want to be lazy, that just want to party and drink and smoke all day, guess what? You're going to be the sixth one. So, watch your surroundings. Be careful who you hang out with. Only hang out with people who have the same high standards, the same goals. It doesn't have to be the exact same goal. So, I want to be a doctor, so I'll only hang with people that want to be a doctor. Not that, but hang with people that want to achieve more, that want to have more for their life. Those are the people that you want to be around. Number two, I know what they said, but looks do matter. Now, hold on.

[00:03:31]Hold on before you start typing a paragraph and getting me together, just hear me out because how you present yourself in the world is indicative of how you will be received and treated in the world. If you look like a clown, no one's going to take you seriously. If you look like a woman that is put together, if you look like a woman that cares about herself, if your hygiene is intact, if your breath is together, people will take you seriously. You don't want to be in a space or a place where you're not taken seriously. So, that's the reason why women don't wear tutus every day. We won't wear tutus in a board meeting or even at the airport.

[00:04:06]Why? Because we want to be taken seriously. My 7-year-old niece, she loves a good tutu and I get it. Wear it.

[00:04:12]She's seven. Enjoy that. But walking around as a 42-year-old woman in a pink tutu every day. Now, if I'm going to a themed party, okay. duh. I can wear it.

[00:04:21]Or if I want to just do it for a day and I want to be playful and tap into my girly playful side, cool beans. But if I am going to pitch a multi-million dollar client to hire my admin agency and I walk in there with a yellow tutu, what are they going to look at me and say?

[00:04:36]They're going to be like, "Hello, are you in the right room? We're looking for Shamika Shaw. You can't be her. We're looking for the owner of a six-figure business. We're looking for the owner of a successful admin agency. You can't be her." They're not going to take you seriously. So, looks matter. How you dress, how you wear your hair. If you're walking around with purple strands and blue hair, okay. Like I said, if it's for a season, a reason, or a party, okay girl, do what you got to do. But make sure that you present yourself as you want to be received. Don't dress like a clown and expect to be taken seriously.

[00:05:09]Period. And before I move on to the next point, looking good helps you feel good.

[00:05:14]When you look better, you feel better.

[00:05:16]When you look great, you feel great. So, make sure that you are dressing for who you want to be, not who you are today.

[00:05:23]If you're a college student and there's a college student look. They wear hoodies, they might wear leggings, they might wear t-shirts with jeans and you know, Converse's or some Ugg boots or some slides. There's a college girl look. But when you're ready to graduate into the wonderful world of adulthood, that sometimes is ghetto by the way, make sure you look the part. That's it.

[00:05:42]Okay, next point. Number three, girl, don't get comfortable with just enough.

[00:05:47]Just enough money, just enough peace, just enough healing, just enough travel, just enough life. Don't get comfortable with just enough. There's more in you.

[00:05:56]There's more for you. You just have to go get it. When you're comfortable with just enough, that looks like the bare minimum to some of us. You're meant for more. You're not meant for the bare minimum. The bare minimum is not for you. We don't just want the sun, honey.

[00:06:08]We want the moon and the stars as well, okay? We don't reach for the bottom. We don't reach for the middle. We reach for the top. That is who we are. It is what we do. Don't just settle. Some of us settle way too easy. Some of us settle in education. So, we graduated high school, so we don't want to go to college. And not to say that college is for everyone. College isn't for everyone. If you want to be an entrepreneur and do the things, that's different. But even as an entrepreneur, don't just settle for two clients. Go for 10. Don't just settle for 10x in your business, 100x your business, or 5x your business. Just don't settle in life. Even with the man. Don't just settle for a man that just text you when he wants something, or just call you whenever he wants to see you. No. Go for greater. Accept more. And that goes back to having standards. When you have standards, settling is not in your DNA.

[00:06:52]When you have standards, you know what you deserve and you go for what you deserve. You only accept what you deserve. So, that's what we will do. We don't settle. The only thing that we're going to settle for is a paycheck.

[00:07:03]That's it. That's it. Otherwise, we do not settle. Make sure that you get that on this side of your 40s or else you will spend the rest of your life settling. And there's a saying that says, "When you settle for less, you get even less than what you settle for."

[00:07:17]Okay, girl. Number four. Yes, your appearance matters, but being pretty is not enough. Once again, we don't settle.

[00:07:23]I'm a pretty face, so I think that's all that I have to do. No, girl. Can you communicate? Hello. Can you speak well?

[00:07:28]Can you write well? Can you communicate well? Can you manage your money? Can you manage your time? Are you well educated?

[00:07:35]Are you an on-time person? Are you dependable? Are you integral? Are you creative? What do you you to do? What do you like to do? What do you bring to the table? It has to be more than your looks because yes, honey, we're tea. We're tea. Our makeup is tea, our hair is tea, our nails are done, we look good, we got the cute outfit of the day, all of the things, our shoes are tea, all of the things, all of the wonderful things, but girl, what else is there? What does your heart look like? What does your soul look like? What does your mind look like? Can you be dependable? Can we count on you? If you say you're going to do something, do you keep your word? All of those things matter as well. It's not just the pretty, it is your personality, it is your character, whether you are integral or not, all of those things matter, not just your looks. So, make sure that you don't just depend on your looks, depend on you as a whole woman.

[00:08:17]We look at the whole being, not just your looks. Yes, looks matter, but they are not all that matters. Okay, girl.

[00:08:24]I'mma say this twice. A man liking you is not an accomplishment. I'll say it again. A man liking you is not an accomplishment. I'mma say it one more time. A man liking you is not an accomplishment. Getting attention from a man is not rare. There is not a shortage of men. And so, we prioritize getting the attention of a man or being chosen by a man. No, girl, you will learn to decenter men and center yourself. Be self-centered. Be selfish for a season.

[00:08:51]Focus on you, not focusing on the man.

[00:08:53]Waking up in the morning, I wonder what he wants me to wear. Now, listen, I'm not talking to the married girlies because, honey, you know I love my man down. I would do anything for him. I'm talking to the single girlies, the young girlies that are centering their lives, their whole orbit and ecosystem is centered around a man or getting a man, finding a sugar daddy to take care of you, finding a man to pay your bills and tell you you're pretty and, you know, spend all of the time with you to fly you out to Houston for the weekend. No, we will not focus on a man, we will focus on ourselves. Like I said in the last point, focus on what we bring to the table. Focus on our mental stability. Focus on our emotional regulation. Focus on all of those things. Focus on our goals, our career.

[00:09:32]Focus on our education. Focus on the things that matter to us, not just a man liking us and choosing us and then calling it an accomplishment. Some of us sleep well at night because our man likes us. No, girl. Mhm.

[00:09:44]>> [clears throat] >> We do not hyper focus on men. We hyper focus on selves. Number six, laziness will quietly destroy your life. If you are lazy, if you are not ambitious enough to plow through not feeling like doing it, you will live a bottom pit life. You will live your life in the basement when you're supposed to be living in the loft upstairs. I'm telling you, don't let laziness ruin your life, girl. Get this now so that when you're 42, you can enjoy an amazing life.

[00:10:14]Discipline doesn't feel good all the time. I had to get up this morning at 6:00 a.m. to make sure that I got everything done that I needed to get done. Did I feel like getting up at 6:00 a.m.? No. Did I want to stay in the bed?

[00:10:24]Yes. Did I want to hit the snooze button? Yes. Yes, I did. But discipline says, "Come on, girl. You have goals to accomplish. Your goals will not accomplish themselves and nobody is coming to save you. You got to get up it yourself." So, if you are lazy, get into a routine. Create a morning routine, create a day routine, create an evening routine and stick to it. Discipline yourself to stick to it so that laziness does not conquer you. And number seven, hygiene is important. Now, honey, I am surrounded by young women all the time all the time. I am assigned to this generation apparently because I'm always surrounded by young women. I should not be able to smell you before I see you unless I'm smelling your perfume.

[00:11:05]Hygiene is important. Brush your teeth, girl. Brush it morning and night. Floss.

[00:11:10]Go to the dentist. Take care of yourself. Put on some beautiful deodorant. Put on some fragrance after the shower, not to hide the fact that I didn't shower. I know this doesn't feel good and it's not normal for me to talk like this, honey, but there are some girlies with your cute self walking around smelling like a trash can.

[00:11:26]Walking around smelling like it's your time of the month. I shouldn't know that it's your time of the month, girl.

[00:11:29]Uh-uh. I shouldn't know that you didn't take a shower this morning. Hello? Take a shower. Get your wonderful, cute little self in that shower. Have your spa shower. Have your skin care routine.

[00:11:38]Make sure that you're hydrating your skin. Make sure that your scalp isn't full of dandruff. Wash your hair. Yeah, under that wig, what does it look like under that wig? And I'm not judging. I'm not judging because under my wigs have looked quite terrible, but it's going to be clean at least. Make sure that you take care of yourself. Don't neglect yourself. Self-care is more than a massage. Self-care is more than a facial. It's more than matcha. It is what you do when nobody is around. It is you making sure that you are taking care of yourself in a way that we can see it from the outside looking in. Make sure that your deodorant is antiperspirant so that it stops you from sweating, so that it masks the odor that will come with sweat. Make sure that you're shaving in the areas where hair is. Hair carries odor. Make sure that you're doing all of these things, girl. Get you a signature scent. Go to Perfumania. Go to your local mall. Spend time in there to find your scent. If you need help, I love a good scent. I am a scent girly down to my knees. I am a fragrance junkie. If you need help picking a scent, DM me.

[00:12:39]Email me. Here's my email address. Email me and I'll help you find your signature scent, but make sure that you smell nicely. You don't want people to be happy to see you twice. Happy to see you come and happy to see you go because they don't know what you're going to smell like. Your breath, make sure that your breath is always fresh and clean, girl. Get you some Mentos. Keep them in your purse. Get you some Altoids. Keep it in your purse. They even have the spray now. What is it? It's by Listerine. Listerine has a spray. I'll put it on the screen. They have a spray that you can buy. It's small, so it's compact and it fits in your purse. Make sure that your breath is fresh. Wash your mouth. Not just brush your teeth.

[00:13:11]Scrape your tongue in the morning. Do your hydro washing in your mouth, okay?

[00:13:16]Do all of these things to live a good life, okay? I'm your big sister. I love you. I know all of this didn't feel good, but I just want what's best for you, girl. That's it. So, make sure that you take what you need, leave what you don't, and come back next week for more.

[00:13:28]Remember who you are, girl. You're that girl, that girl, the very best thing that God ever thought to create. He took his time with you. He loves you. I love you, too. If you have not subscribed, will you please subscribe? If you have not liked, like this video so that the algorithm knows who to send it to. And please comment and hype up the video as well. Thank you so much for being here.

[00:13:45]I will see you in the next episode. Bye, sweet girl.

[00:13:48]I can hear my father chair and for my Can't be no other way.

[00:13:56]Don't care what people say. I'm there for this. So, I'm a