Surviving Malawi Podcast - S2E1_How to Smile down the Aisle

Added: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]This podcast may contain adult themes and or cat sounds. Listener discretion is advised.

[00:00:07]Hi everyone, my name is Raang Saga, but everyone calls me Rama.

[00:00:11]>> And I'm Kan Jim Saga. And this is Surviving Malawi with them.

[00:00:31]Hi, Kenji.

[00:00:32]>> Hey, Roma.

[00:00:32]>> How are you doing?

[00:00:34]>> I'm doing good. How are you?

[00:00:36]>> I'm good. I'm really good.

[00:00:37]>> Yeah.

[00:00:39]>> Long time no see. Long time no podcast.

[00:00:42]Yeah.

[00:00:43]>> Yeah. Yeah. That's >> Yeah. But >> long time indeed.

[00:00:47]>> Exactly.

[00:00:48]>> But we're back.

[00:00:48]>> Yeah. We're back.

[00:00:49]>> We're back for season two >> of >> surviving Malawi with the >> rebrand.

[00:00:59]Yeah, she said too. We promise we're going to work on the side effects. Um, just give us a bit of grace. But yeah, I mean, so much has happened the time we've been away. Um, yeah, I think maybe I think maybe we can start off by just letting people know >> where we've been, >> what's where we've been, what's been happening, what's been going on.

[00:01:18]>> Yeah. So, like >> what's been going on >> a lot as you said. Um, work I would say work was the first >> Yeah. challenge opportunity. Challenge in the sense that like we got a lot more responsibilities. So that's that's exciting. And then sadly after that we we lost a lot of >> amazing people in our families like >> so many like I lost my aunt very close auntie. We lost a go.

[00:01:45]>> Yeah.

[00:01:45]>> Who is like you know the pillar of our family the patriarch kind of thing. So it's been a lot of >> really amazing people.

[00:01:52]>> Yeah. Like a lot of adjustments. And I know there's been also like loss on your side.

[00:01:56]>> Yeah.

[00:01:57]>> Losing my my cousin. Um then my uncle and >> and then my dad.

[00:02:03]>> Um so yeah, it was it was just tough cuz it just kind of felt like one like every 3 weeks it was it was a very short space of time my uncle and my cousin and my dad. So it was just Yeah. It was really tough and >> it's been a lot. anyone who's lost um family or even if you listen to our last episode.

[00:02:23]>> Yeah.

[00:02:24]>> Messed up as it was, it was about grief.

[00:02:26]Um we had to put a lot of >> that into practice right away sooner than we expected for, you know, the family members that we lost. So >> yeah, that's been a lot. Um >> yeah, that was definitely I feel like a major a major part in why we've been away.

[00:02:44]>> Yeah. But also on some positive stuff, I heard you got married.

[00:02:49]>> I got married.

[00:02:51]>> I heard you got married.

[00:02:52]>> I got married, too. Who'd you get married to?

[00:02:55]>> Do you?

[00:02:56]>> Yeah.

[00:02:58]>> We got married, guys.

[00:02:59]>> We got married.

[00:03:00]>> We got married.

[00:03:02]>> So, I feel like in in this episode, that's really where we want to discuss a lot because it really captures everything. I feel like >> tested us.

[00:03:12]>> Feel like >> tested me as a person, tested me as your fianc.

[00:03:18]No, I'm your wife.

[00:03:19]>> Exactly.

[00:03:21]>> Tested me as a daughter. Um, >> yeah, it was just it was a lot. And I know that you also I mean, we were literally seeing each other go >> through it, but we're going through it together. So, I guess yeah, that's what we want to talk a little more about today.

[00:03:35]>> Yeah. Just to give you some background.

[00:03:36]So, um, December 31st, >> yeah, >> 2024, >> uh, I took Rama to the lake and >> the dude, >> you I proposed.

[00:03:50]>> I was so surprised.

[00:03:52]>> Yeah. So, >> it was like basically New Year's Eve and proposed and she said yes. Thank God >> cuz would have been a long trip back from this song. We went to the >> like the first day of of 25 >> January, >> we already like hit the ground running with plans. So like that >> from then to like till December when we got married.

[00:04:18]>> Yeah, >> that's been really that was pretty much our dayto-day like every night after work >> we'd uh talk about that.

[00:04:26]>> It was really like doing a masters in getting married. But like um just to say that I think we had talked a lot about getting married. we knew our plans like >> it was just about when I guess like when you're proposing when we're going to get married. So anyone who's feeling confident that like we got this like we please listen please still stay tuned because as much as I am a planner and as much as I like to execute and succeed like it was still a lot for me >> a lot for us as well just to yeah align on everything and make our vision come to light. So, so >> I guess we can talk about it from that lens or >> Yeah. Like if you want to see all of mental health explained, just go through a wedding and you'll go through it. So, yeah, I feel like Yeah, that's that's where we're going to start from. Um, first and foremost, I feel like the the thing to talk about is that we had our wedding in December.

[00:05:24]>> Yeah.

[00:05:25]>> If you're not from Malawi, December is the rainy season. That was >> it meant a lot to us because like December was significant for us. The day everything was significant guys. That's the thing. If you're going to like hold on to this means the most to us like be ready to ch like to you know back up that if it's challenged because I think like you're saying it was like >> and that was the first hurdle like like everybody like oh yeah she I proposed she said yes. Everybody like yay. When's the wedding in December? Oh, >> I know.

[00:05:58]>> So, I feel like maybe we could just go back and forth.

[00:06:01]>> Yeah, that's >> I feel like that would be easier say like just go back and forth talk about like different things.

[00:06:06]>> Yeah.

[00:06:06]>> So, the first one, what would you say in that whole experience? Like what what were most like joyous memories? Like what what made you happy?

[00:06:16]>> There were there were a lot there are so many amazing moments uh for me. I mean, I'm blingy.

[00:06:24]>> I'm even blushing. Um yeah, >> I think one of the actually I'll share one then I can hand it over to you and keep going.

[00:06:32]>> But what one of them was just how our family came together like our families.

[00:06:37]>> Yeah.

[00:06:38]>> Um I think what was beautiful was on your side like everyone was just on board my side everyone was on board like from the getgo like people were rooting for us which I think like that's just the best starting point. Um, and I think just kind of seeing how that translated over the year leading up to the wedding, like even in the stressful moments, like literally family was like, "We've got your back and we're going to see this through no matter what, like even even to get married in the rainy season."

[00:07:07]>> Yeah. The the respect for our vision and appreciation and excitement for us thinking through that level of detail and then trying to meet us halfway on how we could make that happen. Yeah.

[00:07:20]>> Yeah. So, it was just like it was very wholesome.

[00:07:21]>> Yeah. That whole support system was like it became very evident I feel like cuz maybe we had spent so much time just planning between me and you.

[00:07:29]>> Yeah. True.

[00:07:30]>> thing like to like finally like open it up to other people and then get the support you did. That was like Yeah, I agree with you. That was really cool.

[00:07:38]>> I >> Mhm.

[00:07:40]>> Okay. Like you walking down the aisle.

[00:07:44]>> That was okay.

[00:07:47]A little context on that one though.

[00:07:49]When I walked down the aisle, when I arrived, you weren't there yet. So, I walked down the aisle and we had we had told the DJ, >> "Oh my god, >> we wanted to hear something." The >> remix the remix.

[00:08:01]>> To clarify, during the remake of M.

[00:08:04]>> If you if you haven't heard it, we'll put a link in the bio uh in the in the comment section and u you can you can hear it for yourself.

[00:08:12]>> But the DJ decided to play the original.

[00:08:15]>> No. So the original has a bit of a different tempo. So already like >> it's real, you know, guys, you know it.

[00:08:22]If you're Malawian, you know it's proper Malawi sound. Exciting. Like, yeah, we're here.

[00:08:28]>> It's a party, but it's not a >> It's not a walk down the >> It's not a walk down the aisle.

[00:08:32]>> Like I was walking down with my parents and it was just like, "Oh, this is >> this is where the DJs go with it."

[00:08:42]>> Yeah. But when you all down the aisle, that for me was I feel like that was my favorite point of the day cuz it it was like the finish line for me.

[00:08:52]>> Yeah.

[00:08:53]>> I mean, obviously there was a lot of build up, >> but it was like for me like just us getting down the aisle and sitting down together that was >> Yeah.

[00:09:01]>> Yeah.

[00:09:02]>> I guess on that note, being the finish line, what was the build up and and how did that um affect us? Some stressful >> Oh, yeah.

[00:09:10]>> anxious to get to the finish line. had to get to the finish line. So >> we had to go through a lot.

[00:09:15]>> Yeah.

[00:09:16]>> Um >> do you want me to start or you >> I feel like Yeah, you >> Okay, there a lot. I think for for me personally as like since this is about mental health as well, right? Um >> it was releasing control.

[00:09:29]I'm a planner like I the nature of my work requires me to plan, execute and see things through and like not having that level of control over everything was frustrating for me. And yeah, it was just it was it's hard to release control, especially when you have a very clear vision of what you want your day to look like. And that vision, guys, not that it was about me, like we had talked it through and it was just like planning it all the way to the tea and then now letting people in. That was just that was hard for me because it's like, okay, now you guys know what we're we're planning and it's like, okay, when are you going to hand it over to us?

[00:10:04]>> Exactly.

[00:10:05]>> Soon enough. So yeah, that was that was that was >> Yeah, it was really a big transition like >> very vulnerable space I guess. Yeah, like >> yeah, like getting push back.

[00:10:14]>> Yeah, getting push back and feedback. I was so insulted. I was like, >> how dare how dare you have opinions.

[00:10:20]>> How dare you from mine that I was going to be like Groo >> ready to be Grimzilla. And I love that.

[00:10:30]I love that you are just uh I guess another highlight or a wholesome moment was you you're just ready to get married and married the way we we had planned, right? So >> that was very important >> and guys were very stubborn people. So um you can imagine it was it was a lot to just kind of align across the board and also like let go of some of the things that were like this is a non-negotiable >> kind of thing. So that's another thing guys like sometimes insights will come in from sharing with others that are very important to making sure your day comes together beautifully.

[00:11:03]>> Like don't be rigid like keep an open mind because sometimes you can be rigid from feeling like your idea is being attacked but the overall vision is like feeding into what you guys want anyway.

[00:11:15]So have an open mind open ears but also stick to your vision as a >> on Yeah. I feel like on the whole everybody wants the day to go well.

[00:11:22]Speaking of like more stressful things and also like letting go of control.

[00:11:27]>> Yeah, >> that's gone.

[00:11:30]>> That's cool.

[00:11:31]>> Of course, the whole day had been great.

[00:11:33]Like you said, like it hadn't rained at all, nothing. And then in the evening, now it's time for the reception. We go to change. Every time I tried to put on my evening suit, the lights went out.

[00:11:44]Like every time I put like the iron or the steamer to the shirt >> cuz there was steam. There were just like a few creases that were like we just need to make it up.

[00:11:52]>> Also, you can't get dressed in the dark.

[00:11:54]You can't put makeup on in the dark. So, every time like we're about to start like >> I think like a makeup artist. Oh my gosh. Bless her.

[00:12:03]>> And then we're going back and forth. But yeah, >> like trying to find somewhere to shower.

[00:12:07]>> Yeah. Water pressure.

[00:12:09]>> Exactly. And because all of this is happening and the people at the venue don't know this, you get calls from community members that are like, "Oh, yeah. way you guys people are falling asleep and like wake them up. It's it's not my problem. But yeah, >> it was just like I feel like it's also very important in those situations to like pick >> and like know what is worth stressing over. Like no, maybe you don't necessarily pick what to stress over, but like maybe having that moment of realization that okay, this life thing is out of our control.

[00:12:40]>> Yeah. There's not much more >> we can do about it. Don't let it stress you. like enjoy enjoy the rest of the day kind of thing. So that that was something that I feel like it was stressful but also like yeah it made us stronger and we worked as a team in that and I think the the last thing before we move on to other highlights was just the legal side of things like >> if you're planning to I think this is across the board because whether you get married in a church or by the DC or any other means you're still going to have to register legally. So guys, get your info in good time because it was a destination wedding for us. Like it literally required us going >> to the DC in Mi like way beforehand.

[00:13:24]>> Get all the information which was not very clear and u I get it because the transitions like you know elections happened last year moved around.

[00:13:34]>> Yeah. So it was just kind of like we we didn't have 100% clarity on who would be officiating but I'm glad they gave us confidence it would work out but I think it's just like yeah just get your information right manage your expectations and have contacts that you can like you know contact that are based there right >> so I feel like we've like started off hot feel like we need to take a break right now >> let us take a Great. Yeah.

[00:14:17]>> So, we've talked about the things that were like joyous moment.

[00:14:23]>> We talked about the stressful moments.

[00:14:25]So, yeah.

[00:14:27]>> Let's continue with that. I feel like we've covered some, but I know there was some funny moments.

[00:14:33]What was your favorite?

[00:14:35]>> Uh oh. Oh my gosh. I don't know where to start. I guess um our our matching uh crew.

[00:14:43]>> Yes.

[00:14:44]>> When the power went out and they were setting up well was setting up like switching on the gen set. Yeah, it was like it was really lovely because it was taking longer than expected and then people had the phone lights on. It was giving concert vibes and then at the far back the one of the macha machinking table screw he was winding his waist like >> and they were singing along for him. So they were hyping him up >> and seeing as he would wind his waist like Exactly. If if you guys have seen that meme of the >> the Ugandan dad on stage, that's what this guy was doing like during a black.

[00:15:30]>> Yeah, it it just it was it was it just felt like our people wish they were like family.

[00:15:37]>> Yeah. But yeah, you know, it couldn't all be like fun fun and games like you know there was some most like some sad moments there.

[00:15:44]>> Yeah, I don't know difficult moments.

[00:15:48]>> Yeah. Oh, what was it for you?

[00:15:50]>> I mean for me every girl, every girl I know by tradition, you know, is walked down the aisle by their father, by their dad. And it was it was hard like I mean even from the planning phase like just planning knowing that he's not going to be there and that that he really wanted this he really wanted us to get married >> and I think that helped that like we had that we already knew we had his approval >> and that he he really liked you. He loved you.

[00:16:21]>> Um >> he was a great guy.

[00:16:22]>> He was great legs.

[00:16:24]>> Great great legs.

[00:16:26]>> He was a very fit man. Yeah, it was very lovely. Um, I'm very >> like I'm very similar to him like >> our behaviorisms. So, it was just like tough to like not have like my twin >> during the process. But I think what was beautiful was just how my mom showed up like I was worried because obviously like wedding planning it takes you back to your own wedding or like reminds you that your person is not here. So >> the way she showed up for us for me was just like beautiful. That was amazing.

[00:16:56]>> Yeah. Even my sister like the way she was just like >> girl you know what we as a family we are still healing but this is bringing everyone together in a good way after us coming together like to grieve and and >> that that helps. So I think on the day I did feel his presence like I think it was you guys you're dangerous because you tied the rain up like you you stop the rain.

[00:17:25]>> You stop the rain. I feel like he played a role in that. Like, you know, on the other side is like my baby is going to have her day. And um but I think having, you know, my mom just, you know, be the the amazing woman that she is and my sister just making sure that like my my my mental space is is protected and safe and my uncle. So, showing up and traveling, you know, all the way. the rest of my family was just another sign of like you're you're in the right direction and we support you and we all miss your dad but we're here to represent you would have wanted and you know we are all doing right by him by by seeing this through so that was sad but in a way wholesome again.

[00:18:06]>> Yeah.

[00:18:07]>> Okay. All right. So what surprised you?

[00:18:10]as well.

[00:18:11]>> Surprising moments.

[00:18:14]>> I was in denial for the longest time.

[00:18:17]But the value of having a wedding committee, >> I was surprised.

[00:18:21]>> Yes.

[00:18:22]>> How much we needed that.

[00:18:24]>> I feel like >> in the end, >> I I feel like my western brain was like, what is this? Like, why do you need all this song and dance and whatnot? But it really like it really does make sense. I feel like when we when we were planning this like, "Okay, we don't if we're having a committee doesn't need to be that big."

[00:18:45]>> Yeah. True. Well, we got four people.

[00:18:47]>> No, four people. Wrong.

[00:18:50]>> Well, it's a small wedding. Surely.

[00:18:51]>> Exactly. Surely four people will suffice.

[00:18:54]>> Yeah.

[00:18:54]>> And on the day, like not even on the day, just even before uh you could see the value in like >> letting things go, letting people take on tasks. I think committees also get a bad rep.

[00:19:07]>> Yes.

[00:19:09]>> Well, >> I don't know.

[00:19:11]>> Hold on. I'm leading to something here.

[00:19:13]Husband. Um, yes. Some from what I've heard or seen in other experiences like it can be a lot, but I think it's also like the different dynamics of hosting or having a much bigger wedding than we did and stuff. So I felt like I was worried about that that we would end up having everything that was planned be like reworked and reshuffled in a way that was not us.

[00:19:40]>> But >> they really tried to Yeah. And they did see our vision through so much that like even those who talk about it. So vendors who switch up on you like even when they didn't do what they were supposed to do like the committee knew what our expectation was and tried their best to make that happen >> and um spoke for us really when we couldn't allowed us to focus on our day and >> get away from all the noise of what may be going wrong um and and stuff like that. So, I feel like where I'm getting at with the, you know, they get a bad rep is like choose a committee that knows you guys.

[00:20:16]>> Ours was a mix of um siblings, uh, relatives, and then also some people who are just like in the business of >> weddings. Some people who like organize things just for a living kind of thing.

[00:20:29]So, >> yeah, true. There is some stuff you will forget as like a couple >> that like some people who are like not so involved with in the dayto-day that they can pick up and remember. So yeah like that's for me also that surprised me. I was like oh yeah >> okay even those malangizo stuff. Yeah, >> I did think before I like h god like >> yeah the worst but >> generally like if you guys know you go through like malangizo if you're having a church wedding like it's just part of the >> malangizo is what >> counseling counseling >> marriage counseling or guidance counseling before you get married >> so because we're having a DC set up like that was you know arranged separately by you know our our churches >> and yeah it was very helpful. You know, if we had just been like straight on like we're just going to do the DC thing. Don't worry about it. We've been together this long. We know each other.

[00:21:24]But it really did like it gave me a lot of insight. It was very humbling.

[00:21:28]>> Yeah. Cuz you think you know everything and then oh yeah, >> obviously we can't get too deep into everything we were told.

[00:21:35]>> Get married so you can have the >> get married for the right reasons for the >> Yeah.

[00:21:43]>> Yeah. It was good advice. very humbling in the sense that I think if as a couple you feel you know each other very well you have good communication like I I think generally we are like most of the times like most of the times like all the time in a good space in terms of just communicating well and stuff but like >> it was nice to just have a different perspective of how you show up >> as a wife >> now you're not just showing up as a partner or fiance or a girlfriend like this is for life so you You know, I also I thought it would also be like very patriarchal.

[00:22:17]>> Yeah.

[00:22:18]>> And it wasn't. This was also no surprise to me. Me too is that like I was like, "Oh, okay." They're very balanced approach.

[00:22:25]>> So earlier I think this also touches on what we're talking about about surprising.

[00:22:31]>> Earlier you said something about >> Yes. Yes.

[00:22:36]>> They surprised you.

[00:22:38]Point is, there was a vision that we outlined very clearly and sadly despite having built a year of a relationship with >> two of our vendors in terms of like food decor, >> ultimately it was a disappointment in how things were like delivered.

[00:22:58]>> Yeah. The promises that were not met and it's just like I'm just grateful that you know like you're saying our committee >> Yeah. They were there to just like pick up the pieces that all the balls all the balls that were being dropped. They were able to like pick that up very quickly and make sure that things move smoothly.

[00:23:16]So, I'm hoping our guests didn't notice.

[00:23:18]>> I feel like is that nobody did notice.

[00:23:21]So, that's actually another thing is that all the mistakes you probably see like nobody's going to see, >> nobody's going to pick up on because it's like they they just came to celebrate. like keep open communication, be transparent, track everything because if we didn't do that, it would have looked like we were the ones who did not do our part >> but you know guys I know this sounds extreme but as the work I do >> and the planning that can just spoke it to >> I track we track everything we track everything so the communications we had a paper trail for that we had info and receipts for what we had shared we had receipts for everything. So, make sure you get receipts for every little thing.

[00:24:04]Even if you paid 20,000 for some quick quick something, make sure you get a receipt for that cuz they're going to use that against you that are not honorous. Like people is that word honors, right? It's it's a word now.

[00:24:16]>> Yeah. So, that was that was disappointing.

[00:24:18]>> The fact that some things were being turned on us during our honeymoon.

[00:24:22]during a honeymoon.

[00:24:23]>> It was the wedding that you know I was like oh but like we didn't >> like the night before >> the wedding was yeah >> chaotic and then after was just also chaotic as well. So just having a good understanding of what's happening or what what is to come for your wedding, what you've paid for, what you're handing over to the committee. Like I think for us we really wanted to make sure we had covered and paid for most of the things we're not handing over to the committee. So sharing all the receipts because yeah things are being played.

[00:24:57]>> People were flipping the script.

[00:24:59]>> They flipping the script and um disappointing but we move.

[00:25:05]>> Yeah, it was still >> it was just for that one day even though it was building up to the other day. So also letting go is something that we recommend. If things don't pan out as expected, focus on like all the beautiful things that did. And I think that's what stayed with us.

[00:25:20]>> Um 3 months now of being married. Look at us.

[00:25:25]>> Look at us doing it.

[00:25:26]>> So yeah, take the wins.

[00:25:28]>> Take the win.

[00:25:29]>> So yeah, 3 months. Three months.

[00:25:31]>> Three months.

[00:25:32]>> What What did you learn? What have you learned from that whole experience?

[00:25:37]>> Releasing control is okay.

[00:25:39]>> Yeah.

[00:25:40]>> Um I think it's also okay. I think for me it's just a hard thing to do generally.

[00:25:46]>> Yeah. So I think who I was releasing control to helped like understanding like what people are capable of their intentions with you. Um so that that helped me a lot. So releasing control is okay and being vulnerable in that space is okay especially with with a safe community or people that you know will show up for you. And >> I would say moving with mad faith like that's something like >> my roommate who made it to the wedding.

[00:26:16]I remember stressing to her about stuff and she was like, "Girl, >> you have to move with mad faith >> when you're wedding planning because some things you just release and leave to God." And I think releasing that control and giving to the people within our sphere and then releasing the things that I was like I have absolute no control over this like to God and praying and doing that as a couple as well. I think that even brought us closer which was nice. So >> I learned that yeah it's okay to >> Yeah. really let go. Yeah, exactly. I feel like for me like that I think something that ties on to that was >> just I feel like it's easier to let go when you know your vision and you've like made it clear.

[00:27:00]>> Um I think that that's what helped us like we were saying from January the 1st 2025 we started planning. So we I feel like we we knew clearly what we wanted what our vision was. So even when we did get push back on certain things, >> yeah, >> we knew what to like what to what to what feedback to accept and what feedback to like, you know, be like, okay, no, that part we've got it sorted out and kind of standing firm on it as well because >> people will try to push and try to see >> and which one >> to push with cuz go through.

[00:27:40]We had the same vision. We had the same responses. I think >> lastly, yeah, working as a team was amazing. And then persevering.

[00:27:49]>> So, plan as like yeah, be adaptable.

[00:27:53]We've already said that, but like plan as much as you can, but also be ready to adapt. Like, not everything is going to happen according to your plan. Like, thank goodness like you know it didn't rain. Well, I planned for tents and all that, but as in like that was a nice surprise that we didn't have rain. So there are some good surprises and there are some things that maybe can have you freak out but remain flexible. Keep an open mind. Remember that it's about you too. Yeah.

[00:28:17]>> Um and then living in the moment on the day you may see things like like we promise the cake that look we said this before our cake. What was there was not the cake we ordered >> or the amount of cake we ordered. It was a lot. Yeah.

[00:28:34]you know, um, but you know, it was just getting back to it's about you and me, it's our day and let's have a great time and dance the night away. And that's that's what it should be about.

[00:28:47]>> Um, all in all, given everything, the joys, the highs, the lows, the stress, >> you know, the surprises, >> would you change anything? Would you do it all over again as is?

[00:28:59]>> I would marry you all over again. Yes, I marry each and everything. Um, but I wouldn't change anything because I think just even how our relationship has panned out. Like it's always our wedding day was that >> us navigating the different amazingness all levels of Maui and I just I wouldn't change that. I think it was very humbling.

[00:29:24]>> Um, it was eye opening. It was very wholesome and yeah, it's something that stay will stay with me for the rest of our lives. And I think in the humbling aspect of things, humbling humbling humbling aspect of things, >> it's easy to criticize from the outside like if you're a guest to be like, "Oh my gosh, this is taking so long or the food wasn't enough or whatever." But like when you're in that space, it's >> it's humbling because anything could go wrong, but everything could also go right. So just also like yeah approach it from a h a humble perspective ask for help. I think that's something that I didn't really like I was not so open about but everyone was so ready to give help.

[00:30:08]>> Yeah.

[00:30:08]>> So yeah I wouldn't change anything.

[00:30:10]>> I think everything worked out the way it was supposed to. In hindsight there a lot of things I'm like oh this could have worked better and all that but we'll work with the information we had.

[00:30:18]So I'm also content with that. And uh all in all it was a beautiful day. It was a beautiful day and yeah, still just like in Laand about it.

[00:30:47]>> Okay. So, we are transitioning now.

[00:30:51]>> Yeah. to Music of the Mind.

[00:30:56]>> Yes. Yes. Yes. Uh it's been two years, so maybe let's catch you up. Music of the mind is our segment uh where we try to highlight local music that's really helping to promote >> and push um the messages of mental health. So pushing positivity, uh pushing mindfulness and uh all that good stuff. So this week, >> this week or for this episode, >> for this episode, we've got uh uh music from the mind from my peoples, my people.

[00:31:32]>> My peoples. Yeah.

[00:31:33]>> Soul Amp Entertainment.

[00:31:34]>> Soul Amp Entertainment.

[00:31:36]>> Yeah. So uh this track that I'm going to play is called Appreciate. Uh it is part of our Soul Amp sweet 16 series which is uh different uh singles and freestyles that we drop. So uh if you want to check that out or any of the stuff that any of the artists that you're about to hear make uh it's simple to just look up uh soulampnt.com and uh you'll find us there.

[00:32:12]Hey, >> can we talk?

[00:32:16]>> Can we walk? Can we talk? Can we walk?

[00:32:24]>> You know I got you.

[00:32:29]Listen.

[00:32:32]Don't want to take nothing for granted.

[00:32:34]These moments are fleeting and nothing's ever promised. Thinking time going to wait. We get lost in all the matters.

[00:32:39]Thinking our paths is aligned till we facing all the traffic. Sit to throw your balance. It's a trip. We all got baggage. Trying to set that aside so we can be more in tandem. I see you, you see me shorty. What's happening? I go through space and time to get close.

[00:32:52]It's how I plan it. You feel me? Hard to put together in words. So I'm giving you visuals. Ain't got to utter a word.

[00:32:58]Unless it's divine and spiritual. I want to breathe life. Instead of preaching death in my songs, I want to draw from right. And that all of my wrongs. Show me where to start. And I'mma piece together the puzzle pieces, fit in and capture each and every one of our seasons. And if God bless me lifelong time, I hope we find meaning and pray our path stay alive.

[00:33:26]I'd like to Yeah.

[00:33:38]>> You're my loudest secret. The love language that I speak and when I'm hard to be with, you make the effort and I peep it. When I'm stuck in the days, true to your name, you are my weekend.

[00:33:46]Both from broken homes is something we couldn't see. If you told me I would find my forever wouldn't believe it.

[00:33:52]They say the ones who ain't have it learn early how to keep it. Effort is a measure of work. I hope you see it. Up at night, planning our lives what we could be. I believe I couldn't leave you if I tried. I believe you if you lie.

[00:34:03]It's the peace and the belief that's in your eyes. While bombs fall on Palestine and the Sudan and young babies working their minds, you keep my mind while it's plant seeds. Something divine while sipping wine. No sour grapes. Loving your taste. Happy was mine. Happy line.

[00:34:17]Grand design key to the cold. A love story that was written and gold. Lo and behold, >> yeah, >> I might not say it as much. I might not have said it before, but the very little things like emojis and staying in touch are the ones I'm most grateful for and welcome back.

[00:34:56]>> I appreciate.

[00:34:59]>> Yes, they're amazing. That's all. Once again, Fella, >> King Kenji, myself, Dub produced by Basic. The song is called Appreciate. You can get it on www.soultv.

[00:35:15]Listen to it guys. Um, now as Mrs. Maga, I can I can keep I can appreciate I can appreciate that verse uh publicly.

[00:35:26]But please guys, support my man's music.

[00:35:30]>> Yes, please.

[00:35:32]>> But yeah, that was an amazing song. And now we're going to transition into the next part uh which is the last part >> Yeah.

[00:35:40]>> of our episode which is Mind Games.

[00:35:43]>> Yes. our new segment mind games.

[00:35:47]>> Okay, so mind games is where I will be testing Karanji and you guys on some games are just built around understanding mental health better and like the trends that we see on a dayto-day but maybe not always recognize. So these games will be helping outline that a little more clearly. And I implore you, please, please participate with us. We want to hear wanted to hear what your responses were.

[00:36:13]>> Um, and yeah, I guess I can >> let me know these rules. What's the What What game are we playing?

[00:36:20]>> Okay, we're we're playing the thought pattern.

[00:36:32]All right. So, spot the thought pattern is pretty much I'll give you a phrase.

[00:36:38]So, I'll give him my phrase and then I'll give you multiple choice answers and you let me know what the pattern of that thinking is based on the answers that I give you. And you guys should also do the same um at home wherever you are just try and play along with us. And if you have the bandwidth, drop your comments as well in the comment section.

[00:36:58]>> Let's say between me and Joe.

[00:37:00]>> All right. So I'll give you two initially just as a test run and then from there I'll give you four others.

[00:37:07]>> Okay.

[00:37:08]>> So you guys will be scoring yourselves out of four after this first test >> test two. So testing testing >> testing. Okay.

[00:37:14]>> Okay. The first phrase is if I don't do this perfectly it's a total failure. Is this a mind readading, b all or nothing thinking, c personalization, or d emotional reasoning?

[00:37:32]>> Okay, >> if I don't do this perfectly, it's a total failure. A mind readading, B all or nothing thinking, C personalization, or D emotional reasoning.

[00:37:49]I'm going to go with mine.

[00:37:53]>> Correct.

[00:37:56]>> No, that's not correct. Sorry. My bad.

[00:37:58]Nope.

[00:37:59]>> My bad. I'm so >> Wait, what is that? Is that correct?

[00:38:04]>> I was just expecting Sorry. My bad. I was expecting you know >> if you're listening sorry guys that's not very it is be all or nothing thinking because this is someone who's seeing things in the extremities of it or like the extreme. So you're seeing it's it's either or.

[00:38:22]>> So it's either perfect or it's the complete failure. So that is the all or nothing thinking or the perfectionist um mindset which is not great especially when you want to grow as a person. So yeah, what I can just say to that is whenever you're thinking about scenarios, don't make it all or nothing.

[00:38:41]>> Um, look at the challenges as bite-sizes first before you look at the full picture and then work on those bite sizes before you give up completely.

[00:38:50]>> Um, so yeah. Are you >> I'm ready.

[00:38:53]>> We haven't started the actual >> I'm ready for the action.

[00:38:57]>> Okay. So we we're going to dive straight into the actual Okay. Okay.

[00:39:01]>> All right. So, they didn't reply to my message. They must be upset with me.

[00:39:08]They didn't reply to my message. They must be upset with me. Is this A catastrophizing, B mind readading, C labeling, or D discounting the positive?

[00:39:22]>> Here's the phrase again. They didn't reply to my message. They must be upset with me. Is it a catastrophizing?

[00:39:31]Is that how you pronounce it? Yeah.

[00:39:33]Catastrophizing.

[00:39:36]Mind readading, labeling, or discounting a positive.

[00:39:42]>> Okay, I know I said mind readading last time, >> but this time I'm throwing it in again.

[00:39:48]>> Mind reading option B.

[00:39:52]>> Finalize it.

[00:39:53]>> Okay, don't sue us.

[00:39:56]You're correct because this is coming from someone who's making an assumption of what another person is thinking.

[00:40:02]Someone could not respond to a message for many many reasons. They could literally be super busy or you know the different reasons. So you know I'm someone who expects a response like immediately. So I can have this thought pattern every now and then like this person doesn't want to talk to me. But it's really just making a decision for other people that is not right. Don't mind read. You don't know what they're thinking about. You don't know where they're at in life. So, better maybe just check in or follow up before making assumptions about how other people are perceiving you or your communication.

[00:40:35]>> So, he's gotten one out of four.

[00:40:37]>> Four.

[00:40:38]>> Um, so let's see the other three. Okay, here's the phrase. I made one mistake in the presentation. Everything went badly.

[00:40:48]I'll repeat that. I made one mistake in the presentation. Everything went badly.

[00:40:55]Is this number one or a overgeneralizing or over generalization or is this mental filtering or C personalization or D jumping to conclusions? I'll repeat. Number one, overgeneralization, B, mental filtering, C, personalization, or D, jumping to conclusions.

[00:41:24]>> I'm caught up between two. B, overgeneralization, or the second one, which was jumping to conclusion. Right.

[00:41:31]>> Oh, that was the last one. Yeah, >> that was that was the last one. What was the second one?

[00:41:34]>> Mental filtering and then those personalization. That's the third one.

[00:41:39]Customization is not it.

[00:41:41]>> Okay.

[00:41:42]>> Mental filtering maybe cuz you're picking you're picking the mistake and not the but no. All right.

[00:41:54]I'm going with a >> overgeneralization.

[00:41:57]>> Overgeneralization.

[00:41:59]>> CORRECT.

[00:42:05]>> Oh yeah. I feel like I should have had speech.

[00:42:07]>> Yes.

[00:42:09]Let's work on this budget, y'all. Yeah.

[00:42:12]Big time celebrity over here.

[00:42:14]>> Guys, send us your ads. Pay for ads. Buy sweets.

[00:42:19]>> Um, okay. It is overgeneralization. And this is because one mistake has defined the whole experience. So it it literally could just be that maybe in the presentation you had like you deterred from the main thought process or what you wanted to articulate or to share >> and then because you didn't go with the that perfectionist mindset again like you didn't go with the flow that you had planned and everything then everything went bad. So, you're just overgeneralizing that small mistake, that hiccup or being like, you know, oh, it's sorry, my bad to making it seem like the whole experience was a negative one. So I would recommend if you're someone who overgeneralizes that you also look at the scenario like realistically and pick out the wins because often times those wins override the negative sides because we do overgeneralize or fixate >> on the things that go wrong over the things that go right. So switch that mindset. Focus on the wins and and not the the bad stuff.

[00:43:22]If there are a lot of mistakes, figure out a way of turning them into learning curves, right?

[00:43:29]>> So, we learn from our mistakes. It's not like the end of the world. So, yeah, >> that's two out of four.

[00:43:36]>> Two out of four. That's correct.

[00:43:38]>> So, uh, two more. I'll go quickly with these last two now that you're in the thick of things in the flow. The next phrase is I feel anxious. So somebody So something bad must be about to happen.

[00:43:54]The English must abandon me there. I feel anxious. So something bad must be about to happen. Is this a emotional reasoning? Is this B mind readading? Is this C shoot um shoot statements like where you just like >> yeah decide that this should happen or is it D labeling? So number one emotional reasoning. Um, B, mind readading. C, should statements. Um, and D, labeling.

[00:44:26]>> I'm caught up between C and D.

[00:44:30]>> Okay.

[00:44:30]>> Cuz labeling, you could be labeling a situation like, okay, it's going to be bad because I felt this.

[00:44:35]>> Yeah.

[00:44:36]>> But she was see >> he has made his this his statement.

[00:44:44]those shoot statements is um >> it's wrong.

[00:44:53]>> What?

[00:44:53]>> I'm so sorry. Um so >> don't tell me it was deep.

[00:44:57]>> No, >> that's even worse. I got relieved. I was going to be wrong first. Okay.

[00:45:02]>> It's emotional reasoning >> because you are making >> you're coming up with a conclusion based on feelings.

[00:45:10]>> Yeah. So that assumption or the the feelings are equating to facts which is not true.

[00:45:16]>> Okay.

[00:45:16]>> So just be I mean there often times I'm not someone who's going to be like hey don't listen to your gut feeling or your intuition. Like there are times where that does lead to you figuring out or getting ahead of something potentially like not going well. Yeah, >> but if that is like your immediate response to every situation, then you're constantly operating from that emotional reasoning of things or everything is >> like my gut feeling is is is the the final say. Those are the facts >> or my feeling right now are the facts when really sometimes it's just anxiety >> about entering a new space or, you know, interacting with new people or just being out of your comfort zone. But that does not equate to it being inevitably a bad result or that there's going to be something bad coming. So >> yeah.

[00:46:03]>> All right. That's um >> two for three >> out of uh three. Yeah. So the last one um before we close out >> very curious where you guys are at where where our audience how many you've gotten out of three and I'm just on two out of three. Rama's three out of three cuz I'm reading. Uh it's >> not fair.

[00:46:26]Okay. Okay. The last one. You ready?

[00:46:29]>> Yeah.

[00:46:29]>> Good things happen to others, not to me.

[00:46:33]So, is this a personalization?

[00:46:37]B discounting the positive, C over generalization, or D fortune telling. Good things happen to others, not me. A personalization.

[00:46:51]B discounting the positive. C.

[00:46:54]Overgeneralization.

[00:46:56]D. Fortune telling.

[00:46:59]>> There's no E like being from the wrong way.

[00:47:05]>> Good thing that other people.

[00:47:07]>> Oh my gosh.

[00:47:08]>> But uh Oh, this one is hard.

[00:47:11]>> Oh, this one is hard.

[00:47:13]This is the million dollar question.

[00:47:15]MAYBE >> THAT'S how do you say that?

[00:47:25]What the Oh my gosh.

[00:47:28]>> What? How do you sing? Money, money, money.

[00:47:32]You drive the world crazy.

[00:47:34]She used to be She used to be the sweetest girl. She used to be the sweetest girl.

[00:47:39]>> I feel like Rama is making up her own song right now and trying to convince me.

[00:47:45]>> It's okay.

[00:47:46]>> If you guys know the song, please, please help.

[00:47:48]>> White Cliff. Oh my goodness.

[00:47:53]I'mma tell you cash everything around me.

[00:47:58]>> Okay, we do have the clear stop singing that song.

[00:48:05]>> Yeah. Okay. Give me one more time.

[00:48:08]>> Good things happen to others, not me.

[00:48:10]Crunch time. You have 30 seconds. Is this personalization, discounting the positive, overgeneralization, or fortune telling?

[00:48:23]I'm going to go with over generalization.

[00:48:27]>> All right.

[00:48:34]>> Come on.

[00:48:35]>> I was going to say like I see this puppy during football games. Um, yeah, that's true because you're overgeneralizing uh and just assuming that you know based on how many bad things have happened to you or what you've witnessed other people experiencing that you're just constantly >> on the losing side that bad things always happen to me. So drawing a broad negative rule from limited evidence really is is what it is.

[00:49:02]>> Oh, Ganji's always getting this and that. Like but I never get that. Like it's just generalizing like the factors are so different across the board. Your success or your access to things >> could be different from what I am experiencing. So to generalize and put us in the same bucket. It's not realistic and it's not practical and it just sets us up for more failure because we are just like putting ourselves down over thinking more optimistically and thinking more of like yeah how we can turn these experiences into >> a positive outcome.

[00:49:37]>> All right.

[00:49:38]>> Yeah.

[00:49:38]>> I feel like that was a good game. Three out of three out of four 75%. That's not bad. the African IN ME ESPECIALLY TO GET FOUR OR FOUR.

[00:49:49]>> This is the parent she said to me.

[00:49:53]>> Sorry fe children. Uh but yeah, no um that was our segment uh mind games. That was fun. Uh I hope you guys played along and uh please do share us your >> your uh your results.

[00:50:06]>> Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And if you'd like to hear more and play, you know, have us bring more of these games to the podcast, love to hear your feedback.

[00:50:14]>> Yeah. Shoot us shoot us some ideas as well.

[00:50:16]>> Yeah. Cool.

[00:50:18]>> Cool.

[00:50:18]>> So, that's our episode.

[00:50:22]>> Applause.

[00:50:25]That is the end of our episode. We're back.

[00:50:28]>> We did it.

[00:50:29]>> We did it. And >> thank you guys for >> being waiting. Yeah. For waiting this long and giving us grace.

[00:50:35]>> Exactly. not not unfollowing us.

[00:50:38]>> Oh, and shout out to all the people who are still following us in >> following and sending us our messages as well. Like, yeah, that that's really helped, guys.

[00:50:47]>> We're still here. We were figuring out our lives. We were surviving Malawi >> and now we are in a good place to keep on sharing our experiences and our tips and tricks on how to just live a more positive life and >> and make wellness the center of that vibe.

[00:51:05]All right, on that note, thank you.

[00:51:29]Thank you for listening to the Surviving Malawi podcast. Mental health challenges continue to be a rising problem in Malawi. And if you are someone who needs help, contact these toll-free help lines for support. For general health care services, including mental health and suicide support, contact Japan at 54747 or 929. For emergency medical services, contact 118