I can't fake it

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]I can't fake it.

[00:00:02]I can't do it anymore. It's exhausting.

[00:00:05]Are you not totally exhausted? Actually, I know some of you are.

[00:00:10]If you click this video, you're exhausted.

[00:00:14]Maybe you are, and maybe you just don't want to do it anymore.

[00:00:19]You just don't want to fake it.

[00:00:21]And I totally understand.

[00:00:23]For my last video, I said I don't want friends with other women.

[00:00:26]You know, do I hate women? No. Am I totally exhausted by putting myself in situations where um I'm emotionally and my nervous system is deregulated, and I've come to the conclusion this is not for me. And that is okay.

[00:00:45]And I'm quite happy to speak about it, but I literally just can't fake it. What you see with me is what you get. Like, I don't even know how people can fake it like on social media, all these things.

[00:00:57]That's just not something I can do. It's not something that I actually even don't even know how people do it. Well, that's a lie because I used to well, not fake it, but I used to put myself in situations where I didn't quite understand what it was. I thought it was just the right thing to do. I thought that's what you're meant to do. You're meant to fit in with the group. You're meant to have friends. You're meant to enjoy social interactions. You're meant to enjoy it.

[00:01:30]It's meant to be a fun experience for you. You know, and just smile because everyone else is smiling and just yeah, I'm having a great time cuz everyone else is having a great time. Secretly, I'm literally not having a great time.

[00:01:46]I'm like, "Hold this is not me."

[00:01:50]This is totally not me.

[00:01:52]And it's taken me a very, very long time to get to this point where I'm like I don't care anymore. I literally just don't care. Like I've become very at ease and accepted the fact that people not everyone's going to like you and that's fine. Not everyone is going to Not everyone's going to understand your mindset. Not everyone's going to understand how you think, how you operate, what you like to do, what you enjoy and that is okay. And I've just come to that acceptance a very long time ago really.

[00:02:26]So when I say I just can't fake it, I literally just can't fake it. Like I know I'm not alone in this.

[00:02:32]I can't be.

[00:02:33]Where you just walk into a room and you've put yourself in this social setting. Let's just put social setting for it. Like friendship setting, whatever. You've gone you've like Okay, you know deep down this is not going to be something you're going to enjoy anyway, but if you don't go you're going to be the loner with no friends and everyone's going to judge you, right? So you put you force yourself to go to these social interactions and then when you get there the whole time you're thinking Hmm. [snorts] This is not me at all. This is not who I am. I know this is not who I am.

[00:03:12]Um and you start confusing yourself. You start confusing your core of your personality, of who you are.

[00:03:19]And then as you're young when you're younger you you're so confused cuz you're just kind of learning and growing up into your own individual but you don't really understand this until you get like older and you can reflect back and be like actually that so wasn't me.

[00:03:32]What what was I even doing? And [snorts] you know, you may be there now and that's okay, but I literally just can't be bothered anymore.

[00:03:41]And that doesn't mean And And what it happens is when you say like I just can't be bothered or you just get it comes across as cold. You know, it comes across cold and it comes across like you don't like people. Comes across like you know, it just comes across in a negative way in social norms, okay? So, expect that if you have come to the conclusion that you cannot fake it anymore, expect your friendship group to diminish.

[00:04:11]Expect that people around you are going to start thinking maybe there's something wrong with you.

[00:04:17]Because you can't fake a smile, you can't fake conversation, you can't fake maybe telling someone the truth, all right? And unfortunately, um people don't want to hear that. People don't want to hear the truth. People don't want to hear um the realness sometimes. They want to be happy on this this fake level of consciousness and society that we've created and they're happy to stay there. And that is okay and we don't have to judge that. We don't have to um try and change that fakeness for someone else or what we perceive as fakeness.

[00:04:52]What we have to realize is that unfortunately, this is not going anywhere. And the only way to mitigate this for ourselves is to make sure that we are in control of where we're putting ourselves in these situations to avoid us feeling not like ourselves feeling more separated from ourselves.

[00:05:09]We need to reconnect with ourselves and sometimes of us that unfortunate that fortunately or unfortunately, whatever way you want to kind of perceive this in the society that we live in, but we have to deal with the fact that if you are one of these people, women, individuals that just cannot fake it, you have to understand it may come with, you know, a moment of maybe isolation, a moment of separation, a moment of individuality of being with yourself. And it will take some time for you to understand that maybe I can't like put myself I'm just I'm just not like everyone, okay?

[00:05:51]And that's okay, and I've come to come to understand that that's okay. I can't I can't fake it. I can't have, you know, chatting to someone and being like, acting like this is a real conversation that I want to engage in.

[00:06:05]It's probably not, and it's like, I I'm just not going to force myself to put myself in that situation when I don't have to. I don't have to.

[00:06:15]I got two options here. I can go out and force something, force a conversation, pretend that smile, everything's okay.

[00:06:22]Um, really loving this conversation. But then, like, I'm doing that, but what I'm doing in that moment is I'm appeasing someone else. I am appeasing someone else to make them feel comfortable in their fakeness. But in that me trying to make someone else feel comfortable in their fakeness, I'm losing myself.

[00:06:43]Do you do you did you register that? Because what I'm trying to say is is that when you are trying to appease and please and give someone else their comfortability in their fakeness, you lose your authenticity of who you are. And that's just I feel like that's how I feel.

[00:07:03]I don't know if that's how you feel. I'm not here to tell you how you feel, but that's how I feel. I don't know if you relate to that, but I just want to talk about it. Also, it's like, yeah, so I just stopped putting myself in those situations. I just I That's why I don't have friends because I found that a lot of the time, especially with women, unfortunately, I'm not saying all women, and I very much do not hate women. I love women. And it's it's just unfortunately, like, I don't always mesh with the particular women that I've come into, you know, uh, I've met so far. And um, I have found that it's not a place that allows me female friendships to flourish in my authenticity and my realness.

[00:07:43]Unfortunately, I do find that I have to be a little bit fake and I do find that um I have to kind of cover up a little bit of who I am and I refuse to do that anymore. And if that requires me to just be by myself and just, you know, enjoy your own company, then I'd rather do that than keep it keep being disconnected to who I am.

[00:08:05]You know? And, you know, I just can't I can't I can't fake when I'm happy. I can't fake when I'm sad. Yes, I have all the emotions any other human being does.

[00:08:16]If I feel those things, unfortunately, I think it shows on my face, you know? And I can't hide those things. I can't hide the things that most probably people can probably can. It's just not something that I even want to do, you know? Why am I hiding a certain emotion to make someone else feel more comfortable? Of course, there is a moment of like self-awareness and reflection where you you're not out there to make other people purposely feel uncomfortable.

[00:08:42]That's not the goal here, either.

[00:08:46]The goal is I want to feel as connected to my real authentic au- authenticity and myself as much as possible.

[00:08:54]And [clears throat] um I just can't I can't fake it. I can't fake having small talk with people and pretending that I enjoy it. I can't.

[00:09:02]I don't even know what to say in small talk. I'm just like, "Mm."

[00:09:06]Yeah.

[00:09:07]You know, when I was in a like friendship group, when I was trying to do things, I very much was trying to fake who a part of who I am and not bring a side of me of who I am out. And you know, for me I just I don't want to do that anymore.

[00:09:23]We have one life. Life is not, you know, guaranteed and I want to make sure that I live this life of who I am. And I'm just trying to be a positive and peaceful person. And what I found in this world, unfortunately, I haven't found many people that try to That's the goal, you know, especially with women. I think the goal is to find like a materialist, you know, sometimes there are monetary and materialistic things that can sometimes, um, overshadow, I think, the necessities of life, which are peace. And for me, peace is the ultimate luxury. And sometimes, I do find that in the social society that we live in, peace is not one which people are determined to find. But there are a group of us that do want peace and do just want to live a very peaceful, chaotic-free life.

[00:10:15]And yeah.

[00:10:19]But, uh, I think what I just want to say is that like I just refuse to be anything but myself. I refuse, even my channel, like some of the topics I talk about, you know, are topics that maybe people don't want to talk about, even this one, maybe, even the last one I spoke about.

[00:10:39]And I refuse not to talk about these things cuz maybe I might get a backlash, maybe I might get this, me I really do not care.

[00:10:49]In the nicest way possible, and it's so freeing because I literally It's what I'm saying. I can't fake it. I can't fake my opinions. I can't fake I won't be censored in the way I speak, in the way that I am, that my my opinions and who I am.

[00:11:04]Um, as long as it's not hurting anyone, as long as you're not, you know, um, I feel like there's nothing good coming from it if you're doing it in a negative way. I mean, why do you want to walk through this and go through this life with such a negative mindset? My whole thing is like, just be yourself, you know?

[00:11:22]And live through it the most positive and peaceful way you possibly can without hurting anyone in the process.

[00:11:27]Um, you know, and unfortunately, in order to do that, it takes a lot of detarment, detachment from what societal norms are cuz I'm not sure right now when I see and look around society that is the message of peace and positivity.

[00:11:40]I don't see that. I don't feel that. And yeah, so And I think not faking it is a byproduct of being socially an outcast, unfortunately.

[00:11:54]And you do have to grapple and understand the fact that if you are a woman or any person that really cannot fake your feelings, fake your smiles, fake your face, fake your opinions, fake these things, then you have to come to the real understanding that maybe this is a journey that you may have to take in the temporary phase of your life by yourself at some parts. And you may have to understand that not everyone will understand why where you're coming from, what opinion, what thing, what what your the way that you live, not everyone will understand that, okay?

[00:12:34]And um I think it for me it can get quite confusing cuz it's like I don't understand like surely like you being not a fake person like people will see that, people will understand that. People don't I I really like people do not like people don't want to.

[00:12:53]Especially if people are living and operating in a on a vibrational level where they then they're not quite on that journey maybe of knowing self and one and I think in order to know oneself you have to uncover a lot of flaws. You have to uncover a lot of like um things about yourself. I'm not perfect.

[00:13:14]You have to face yourself in the way that like it's quite Oh, wow, I need to like work on that a little bit more.

[00:13:22]And in order to get to the realness, you know?

[00:13:26]You have to get through the dark in order to get to the light. You know, you have to you have to recognize your own fakeness within yourself to get to the truth of who you really are. And you know, you're going through the mud of life to you know, in order to come out the other end. And but it's a beautiful path to go on. For me, I'm so happy that I'm on this path. I'm so happy that I'm I'm in a stage of my life where I really feel like I'm getting so The more that I've separated from society, the more that I've unfortunately, and I'm not encouraging this by the way, but the more that I've separated myself and been with myself, I've been able and the more I like don't fake it and the more I don't put myself in these situations where I'm faking to be something that I'm not, I'm dressing the way something like I don't want to dress, I'm I'm saying I like things that I don't actually like. I'm And I used to be that. I used to be such a like a people pleaser. I used to do that. But when you do that, you forget yourself in the process.

[00:14:28]You you like you forget who you are. You lose yourself in that process.

[00:14:37]And and this could be anything.

[00:14:40]You may be saying you're faking that you're in love, faking that you don't know, right? But that's why it's so important, I think, to know yourself cuz then you recognize a bit more. It's like, why am I doing this? Why am I pretending to be something I'm not? Why am I why am I keep going? And you know, why am I like going to things that like are so every time making me feel this way? Why am I putting myself in that situation?

[00:15:09]Why am I doing this to my nervous system? Why am I constantly letting myself down so I can fit in?

[00:15:19]Why? And I'd are the rhetorical questions that I had to ask. These are questions I had to ask myself cuz I wanted to know why I kept doing this to myself.

[00:15:30]And the reason I probably did it to myself is I didn't have much confidence.

[00:15:34]I wanted to be accepted. I wanted someone to I probably wanted to fit in and I just wanted to feel like probably normal, whatever normal is, but you know, according to society just being around yourself, not really enjoying social events and things like this and pretending to smile even in the workplace is really incredibly difficult. I like to just interact with like other colleagues, especially at like social events and these work events that you have to go to you and things like that.

[00:16:05]For me it was so difficult like just pretending that I loved and enjoy being there, you know? No.

[00:16:13]I just don't want to be here and like it really shows on my face there as well.

[00:16:18]So it's not like something I can just hide, you know?

[00:16:21]Um so I've learned like along the way like I'm not going to keep forcing situations cuz they never end up well. They never they never end well.

[00:16:33]They never they never end well and what I realize I just do is I'm just letting myself down every single time. That's all you're doing. You're letting your nervous system down and you're letting yourself down. You're not allowing yourself to relax.

[00:16:50]You know, I used to have so much anxiety. I used to have so much um just stress by putting myself, you know, even before leading up to when you go to these things. It's so stressful trying to fake like it's so much it's actually exhausting trying to fake just fake smiling, fake this is exhausting. It's exhausting. I was mentally and physically exhausted by doing this.

[00:17:18]And, you know, I think the moment for me is when this stopped was, yeah, I just I think when you really you don't talk to anyone in your family, going down you can go down the rabbit hole in my YouTube, you'll see why, but you realize actually everything else is quite insignificant and nothing like what I've been through just like growing up, nothing really can phase me like in a way.

[00:17:43]And it's not like a I'm not It's not a flex, like trauma flex or something.

[00:17:47]It's not It's no flex at all. It's It's something that I I don't wish upon anyone.

[00:17:51]But what I've learned from that is what I've learned from that is like I refuse to do all that and just be someone I'm not, you know?

[00:18:07]And I think when you go through stuff in life and when you you know, you evolve as a person, you realize like, what am I doing wasting my time, you know, just faking it.

[00:18:19]When you really don't need to, but I understand why you do it. I understand why I did it. I understand that like it's not acceptable to be by yourself.

[00:18:27]It's not acceptable to be a woman and have no friends. It's not acceptable to say, "I don't want friends." Like it's not acceptable, you know? They will immediately people will label you as like some you know, cold person and actually it's very the opposite, very far from the truth. I just want to really be around positive energy, a mindset that kind of understands where I'd like to go. And I understand like not everyone's going to have the same mindset. Not everyone's going to going to have the same walk of life as you and that's that's fine. But I think it's um I have conscious choice and control to what environment that I want to put myself in and how I want to move and operate in this life to make me feel as most connected to my authentic self as I possibly can.

[00:19:12]And yeah, I used to feel lonely like around people.

[00:19:17]Like I'm not even joking. Like if I'm around like I I used to feel like there was a point where I was like just feeling lonely around other people.

[00:19:25]And I thought to myself, wait, this can't be right. I've done everything like people say if you know you're meant to be friends, you're meant to do all this, you're meant to enjoy it.

[00:19:32]And I've tried all that and I'm still not getting anything from this. If anything I feel worse. If anything I feel more lost. If anything I feel more disconnected to who I am.

[00:19:41]And um yeah, so I feel like if you are someone in that situation that just really can't hide it, can't fake it, can't get used to people feeling very uncomfortable in your presence. Get used to it because people will feel uncomfortable in your presence.

[00:20:00]And I think it's just a byproduct of being your authentic self, which is is a great thing, but it takes work. It takes sacrifice. It takes times. It takes uncovering your own flaws. It takes a lot of work. And you got to ask yourself, wait, I've put in all this work into myself.

[00:20:19]Now I've got to be really careful of how I disperse this energy and who I am giving this energy to you and who I'm sharing my energy with. And also what environments am I allowing to put myself in? Is it going to like get me closer to my myself or am I going to feel more disconnected to who I am?

[00:20:38]And you know, I had to ask these these questions to myself. So yeah, I think when you fake something for too long you can actually be it can become your reality and you actually lose like a sense of who you are.

[00:20:51]Um and I think if that's where you are I think maybe just strip it back, go back. What are the things that you used to like in childhood? Go maybe go back like really go back. You know, the hobbies that I used to have, what are the things that I used to like doing?

[00:21:04]You know, don't let society and other people take away um the true essence of who you are and what you've always been cuz we all have an individual uniqueness to us and we all have something that um you know, is real to who we are.

[00:21:21]And because maybe it doesn't fit in the social norm, maybe you just hang around yourself doesn't fit in that criteria.

[00:21:30]It's okay.

[00:21:33]But I would rather not fake it and be real than fake it and be something I'm not and then regret never being the person I could become cuz I was so hung up on what society has expected of me.

[00:21:47]Um well, quite frankly you can piss off society norms because like I'm happier like this. I'm happier and feel more at ease and so much more comfortable with myself. And yes, I will say age I think is a and age and life experience is a great catalyst to that process, but I also feel like the moment you check yourself and look at yourself and like, what am I doing? This is just not who I am. Why am I pretending anymore? Stop pretending.

[00:22:21]Stop pretending and just live your authentic truth cuz I'm telling you you will not only feel better for yourself, you'll feel less guilty, you'll feel more connected to yourself, but yes, you will make people feel uncomfortable because you are someone that can and feel and people can feel your energy.

[00:22:37]People can feel your realness. People can feel that you are just who you are and not everyone can be that.

[00:22:44]In a world where everyone's trying to be something that I I believe like not everyone can be who they really are. It takes work, you know? People think it's just easy. No, it's not easy to be your true authentic self. Takes courage.

[00:22:59]It takes looking at yourself.

[00:23:02]Takes removing yourself, takes sacrifice, it takes um it takes a lot of things.

[00:23:09]And you can create your own new norm, you know? This is my social new norm, you know? Just being myself and living in my positive peaceful world. And I'm telling you it's like uh you know, honestly, when I say I don't like need friends, I don't want friends, I I genuinely mean it. Like I feel so much happier and so much My nervous system is so much more regulated than it's ever been.

[00:23:32]And um if you sometimes feel like you're just faking who you are, how you dress, how you speak, um whatever it is, really take a step back and maybe like think, like, I don't need to do this anymore.

[00:23:46]I owe it to myself to just keep going. And the women that can't fake it, and the people that can't fake it, there are a group of us.

[00:23:55]>> [laughter] >> We're here. Hello.

[00:23:57]That um basically get you and understand you. And I just don't want you to feel like you're alone in this because it can feel sometimes quite lonely.

[00:24:08]Um you know, well, it can sometimes feel quite isolating and like you're out of the big wide world, but you know what?

[00:24:15]I'd rather in this world than that world. And I'm observing it. And the more you get real and more connected to yourself, the further away that gets.

[00:24:23]And you're like on the top of a hill or top of a mountain looking down and with a bird's eye view of what's really going on.

[00:24:31]And um it's a quiet inner strength, you know what I mean?

[00:24:40]Um it's a quite powerful strength, and people recognize it. Just uh But you just do you, you know?

[00:24:47]Um and just don't fake who you are. Don't fake it. I refuse to do it anymore. And uh yeah.

[00:24:57]And this is a follow-up from my last video cuz I literally That's probably one of the reasons why I removed myself cuz I just refused to fake fake it.

[00:25:08]You feel next time you're just smiling automatically, responding automatically, being like this. You know, I understand in a workplace you may have to adapt that to do that. But in any other environment, just remember you have conscious choice to be who you are. We have one life and I just hope that you can live that the realest you can and the more authentic you can. And um yeah, it's it can be a solo journey, but I'm telling you it's worth it cuz trust me you'll feel more at peace.

[00:25:36]And uh yeah.

[00:25:38]Well, I'm going to go, but I love you all and I hope this was you know, this is a quick little mhm video and but um to the women to anyone that can't fake who they are and can feel what I mean when I say you walk into a room and you can just sense it.

[00:25:57]It's okay.

[00:25:58]There's more of us like you out there and I'm one of them. So, please comment below if you've I don't know even in this situation when you just you know, you just dis- what what actually what was the moment you were like, "Actually, I'm not going to fake this anymore."

[00:26:09]I'll just I moved this. For me it was a bit of age, me as a bit of like not talking to my family situation, but like when was it for you? Please comment cuz you know, like I'm just trying to find these people. You actually I'm selfishly doing this a little bit so I can just find find my people to be honest. Like I know you're out there. I just I need to find you. So, please comment below and yeah, please subscribe if you like these videos. Tell me if you'd like more videos. Like please subscribe. Join the Nana Journey family. We are a family here. And yeah, I just want a community of like positive, like-minded people. And um yeah, I hope you guys can subscribe and be here. Um yeah. Have a lovely day. Love you all.

[00:26:53]Bye-bye. This is the Nana journey.