Emotional Neglect Isn’t Always Loud — Sometimes It’s Silence

Added: 2026-05-21

[00:00:05]Emotional neglect is [music] subtle.

[00:00:07]It's not about what happened, it's about what didn't. Today Vita and I are breaking down how it shows up in adulthood, especially in marriage, and what it really [music] takes to heal.

[00:00:17]So, I don't know a lot about emotional neglect, to be honest with you. Um, I'm kind of an emotionally void person.

[00:00:25]So, I might not know if I was being neglected. So, I I don't think they're going to take the lead on this conversation. I don't think I don't think that you're being neglected in your in your relationship.

[00:00:36]Other people may be in your marriage and feel like they're neglected because in general, like, what is emotional neglect though? Like, I don't even know what it is.

[00:00:44]>> I mean, your needs aren't being met.

[00:00:46]Your emotional needs >> your emotional needs aren't being met and that's to me what emotional neglect would really be. So, And a lot of people probably don't even realize it when they're so busy in their everyday lives.

[00:00:57]>> question for you.

[00:00:59]Say you are like an overly emotional person. Is it still neglect if those needs aren't being met? Like, if your emotional bar's like this high when a like a normal person's like >> so. I think it should be whatever like a normal So, that's the standard. I would think like just a normal, but not somebody that just requires so much emotional support.

[00:01:21]>> sucker.

[00:01:22]>> Right, cuz if you require that much emotional support, you should have a support animal with you at all times.

[00:01:26]>> [laughter] >> Well, also, you know, maybe when you're choosing your spouse, you should think about like your emotional needs and whether you're on the same page with them. Because like, a person like me can never be with somebody that needs a ton of emotion, because they would probably feel neglected. Like, my emotional needs were never really met in my marriage with >> a highly emotional person? I don't require that much, but >> was just so low. Yeah, but mine was so low, but even from the beginning, I remember thinking cuz at one point we broke up before we got married because I felt like we were roommates and I'm like, "Wow, my emotional needs aren't being met." And we ended up getting married anyway, but that's my fault because they weren't being met before we got married. Of course they're not going to be met during the marriage.

[00:02:11]>> like you get busy and there's like kids and life and jobs and money and all those things. So like sometimes it's probably hard.

[00:02:19]I feel like maybe if somebody feels that their emotional needs aren't being met, a good first step might just be simply telling their spouse this and being like, "Hey, listen. I don't But I think you preface it with I don't want to be an alarmist." Like I know you shouldn't disregard your feelings, but I feel like this could be one of those topics where somebody might be triggered by that.

[00:02:47]>> Well, I did say that I have to say before I was married, I don't even think he understood, but we ended up working it out and ended up getting married anyway and I just accepted the fact that my emotional needs were never going to be met.

[00:02:59]That's not the reason why we didn't work out. Like if if my emotional needs weren't met, I could have lived with that. I couldn't live with feeling unsafe.

[00:03:07]That makes sense.

[00:03:08]>> Right. So, when we talk about emotional needs, are we are we talking about like the deep conversations aren't happening or like like what exactly are people's emotional needs?

[00:03:23]>> Meaning like if you are having like issues just internally and that you want somebody to listen like a sounding board or somebody to be there for you and tell you, "Vita, it's okay. I'm here for you.

[00:03:34]I want you to feel safe. I want you to know that you can talk to you about anything." And you can't really talk to your Oh, you should because your spouse has is ADD and doesn't isn't even paying attention to you when they're looking at their phone and they're doing other things.

[00:03:46]>> good. You should be able I even if you have a very low bar of emotional need neediness like I do, you should be able to talk to your spouse about anything.

[00:03:55]Like you should never feel scared to talk to your spouse.

[00:03:57]>> talk about any of your emotions?

[00:03:59]>> Of course. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. We totally talk about our feelings, but like we don't do this thing, which I find so annoying, where we just like over talk our feelings.

[00:04:08]>> No, I mean you don't have to over talk but you don't >> I think like sometimes when you talk about your feelings too much, like things just become a thing that wouldn't necessarily be a thing. Like if you're like deep diving in your feelings all the time, like you're going to come up with a reason not to like each other.

[00:04:25]Well, 100% but I can give you an example in my marriage. It was after our third separation, we had gotten back together and I ended up getting really sick.

[00:04:35]Okay. And the fever was up to like 103.9.

[00:04:40]The dengue, which I didn't know at the moment I didn't have dengue. So, fever went up, he did he had a trip planned to go to Vegas and on a golf trip after Vegas. So it was like an eight or nine day trip. And he was like, "I'm not going to leave as long as you have the fever." But what happens with dengue, your fever spikes to almost 104.

[00:04:59]>> Okay. So, not to cut you off, this is to me a physical need not being met, not an emotional need, because you physically needed somebody to take care of you.

[00:05:09]But emotionally, I thought I was going to die.

[00:05:12]>> [laughter] >> So I'm sitting Okay. So he didn't meet your needs in two ways.

[00:05:15]>> Right. So I'm sitting there on my death bed and you've seen pictures of me like I remember you were calling me. I've never been sick like this in my entire life. We didn't know it was dengue. He takes off cuz he's like, "Oh, your fever broke. I'm getting on the airplane." And I was like, "Well," he goes, "If you end up getting admitted to the hospital, I'll come back." I ended up going to the hospital like fast forward days later.

[00:05:34]>> but it's so ridiculous.

[00:05:36]>> He never came back. So he finally came back eight or nine days later and I was literally to the point where I was telling my kids my goodbyes cuz I didn't know what was wrong with me and it was like that bad. So and that nobody could help me. Doctors could tell me finally my holistic doctor Nadia helped me. But, my emotionally I was crying, I was upset, and he was nowhere to be found.

[00:05:57]No, this is not good.

[00:05:58]>> Like is that emotional neglect?

[00:06:00]>> That's definitely emotional neglect and physical neglect. Absolutely. So, I think for the viewers out there, I think that one really big takeaway, if you're not in a relationship yet, is to have an open conversation about your emotional neediness and be like, "Listen, like how do you handle feelings?" Because everybody doesn't handle feelings the same way.

[00:06:26]You're right, and some people aren't capable as capable as others.

[00:06:32]But, I think if you have open communication, you can express how you feel and maybe your partner can work on Open communication is so important in a marriage, in my opinion. 100%. [music] So.

[00:06:45]There you have it.

[00:06:46]>> Party's over.