Ep 160 You Understand It… So Why Are You Still Doing It?

Added: 2026-05-14

[00:00:07]There is this pattern I see in almost every woman I work with. And I I think the pattern is not what most of you would think it is. Um because most of the women I work with, it's not that she doesn't know what to do or they don't know what to do. And it's not that the women I work with aren't trying.

[00:00:38]It's not even I'll say for some women, it's not even that they're being inconsistent in the ways you might assume.

[00:00:50]What I see is she understands exactly what's going on. It's one of the reasons I love working with these highly intelligent, successful women because they understand often times exactly what is going on, but they still keep ending up in the same place. And I my past self relates to that so well and I so I love working with these women and and helping them. Um, and let me say this. If if that sounds frustrating to you, if it feels frustrating to hear it, it should because this is an important part of this struggle that most women don't even look at. They don't acknowledge and they sit wondering like why am I so successful everywhere else in life except in this issue as it relates to my health and my weight and my body confidence and my energy like what is going on right so if you're frustrated hearing this because you're feeling like yeah that's freaking me I get it I I had a client um just recently This is what made me start thinking about doing this episode. She said something that really really stuck with me. She was realizing that and I've seen this evolution in her. Sorry, squirrel. Um she she is realizing that she's using things from her life to justify the way she's showing up now.

[00:02:45]the actions she's taking, the decisions that she's making, right? And those were not things that were done in a very obvious way. It's not like, oh, this happened and I know exactly why, so I can change it kind of way. No, this happens in a much subtler way, in a much quieter way. It's the the kind of way where you might think you're starting to become aware of something. you're like, "Oh, I know why I do this. I know where it comes from even."

[00:03:20]But for the longest time, like this client, she thought some of that awareness was her making progress, but what she started to see is that her awareness wasn't changing her decisions.

[00:03:38]It was explaining them. It was explaining some of her actions and her decisions, but it wasn't changing them.

[00:03:45]And those two things are not the same thing. And it's a big deal, right?

[00:03:49]Because every time something got hard for her, and so many other women I see fall into the same pattern. Every time something gets hard, those same patterns still show up and they still dictate the next decision.

[00:04:08]they still determine the next action.

[00:04:12]Let me show you. Let me show you what I mean by this because this isn't actually this abstract idea. This is what it looks like in in real life. Okay, let's say you wake up late one morning. So, the morning gets kind of thrown off, right?

[00:04:30]You go on about your day and by about I don't know 2 or 3:00 in the afternoon, the day already feels like it doesn't count, right?

[00:04:42]You don't necessarily like say that out loud, but you feel it. You know it's been off. And it started when you woke up and you know, maybe you started running late. That's when it started.

[00:04:56]And then from there, the day went further off track. And so by two o'clock, 3 o'clock, you feel it. So you grab something just quick to eat and you tell yourself like, "I'll get back on track tomorrow.

[00:05:12]Now the decision is made.

[00:05:16]You've taken the action." You just grab something quick at the drive-thru.

[00:05:21]Or let's say your day gets progressively more stressful. You're pulled in like 10 different directions at work. You have deadlines hitting you. The boss throws another project on your plate or you're a classroom teacher and the kids are just like acting crazy that day and the stress starts compounding.

[00:05:44]And instead of adjusting, you kind of go into default mode.

[00:05:50]And it's not because you don't know better, right? But it's because something familiar just made the call for you on what you were going to eat and how you were going to go home and kind of pull off the bra and pour a glass of wine and sit there.

[00:06:09]Here's the part that most people don't get.

[00:06:15]That doesn't start at 2 or 300 p.m.

[00:06:20]That's just where it starts showing up and you see it. It starts much earlier than that. It starts with things you learned and you never really questioned.

[00:06:32]Like growing up in a house where food was either good or it was bad. And so now the the second something gets off plan or off track for you, it doesn't feel like a choice anymore, it feels like you've already messed up and so the rest of the day just follows that feeling, right?

[00:06:55]Or maybe you grew up in an environment where things had to be done just right. So now if your day isn't perfect, it feels like it's not worth continuing or staying on path with your goals or making decisions that are aligned with, you know, the the diet that you're on or whatever, right? So instead of just adjusting, you kind of restart every time that happens.

[00:07:34]Maybe you're the kind of person who always pushes through. Like you keep going. You handle everything for everyone. So you just override your needs, your body, your hunger, every your goals all day long. And by the time you slow down at the end of the day, you're at that exhausted point that I described earlier where you just come in, hit the couch, pull your bra off, and pour one glass that leads to the next glass that leads to the bottle of wine in the evening. Or maybe eating just becomes the first moment where you've actually stopped and felt something today.

[00:08:18]None of those things, if that resonates with you, none of those things are made up. None of the feelings that you're having, the way you grow up, the environment that you were in, the things that were said to you about food being good or bad or you have to clean your plate or you need to be perfect. None of those things are made up. Those are all very real in your life.

[00:08:46]They were very real in your life and they shape how you think. They shape how you react. They determine how you cope.

[00:08:57]But here's the part that most women are unable to pull apart to separate.

[00:09:05]Just because something explains your behavior doesn't mean it should keep deciding your behavior for you. That's the line.

[00:09:21]Because at some point that shift has to happen.

[00:09:28]And I'm not talking about you denying your past or ignoring your history.

[00:09:40]I'm not talking about you pretending things in your past didn't shape you, but I'm talking about you getting to a point where you stop letting that make your decisions automatically because at some point it is not you have to acknowledge this. It is not your fault how you were wired, how you were molded, how you were shaped. But it is your responsibility to stop letting that wiring, stop letting that past, stop letting that history, stop letting those things run the show for you in your life now.

[00:10:32]And this is the very reason that you can know exactly how to eat healthy and still not follow through when the day gets stressful. It is why you can have a a plan that you think is right and then you abandon it the second things aren't perfect in your day and you start over on Monday and you never really question why that keeps happening to you.

[00:11:06]It is not necessarily a lack of information or knowledge. It's for a lot of you. It's not a lack of effort or willpower.

[00:11:20]It is that something older in your brain's wiring is still deciding things for you in real time.

[00:11:34]So, here's the question I actually want you to sit with.

[00:11:42]Where do you already understand yourself?

[00:11:47]Where do you already get it? But you're still letting that understanding justify the same decisions that keep you right back at square one every time you turn around.

[00:12:02]>> And not in theory, in real life. Where is that happening?

[00:12:09]Because when you sit with that question and you actually openly and honestly be honest with yourself about it, when you actually see it clearly where that's happening, you stop needing to start over.

[00:12:26]You stop waiting for the right time.

[00:12:31]You stop researching and searching for more information.

[00:12:40]And you start making different decisions inside your life right now.

[00:12:52]The life you're living that's chaotic and stressful and busy. You start making different decisions in all of that.

[00:13:00]Despite all of that today, like I tell my clients, you stop starting over and you start adjusting and moving forward. Anyway, I hope this was helpful. I'd love to hear from you how this sat with you, what it brought up for you, what it made you think of, maybe what it made you go, "Aha, bingo."

[00:13:39]Send me a message. Shoot me a private message on Instagram. Get in slide in my DMs. Send me an email. But seriously, sit with these questions, reflect on them, write about them, write to me about them. I read every time someone sends me an email, every one of you who sends me a DM, every one of you who sends me a message on instant messenger, I read every single one of them and I will reply to you. So, I'd love to hear from you. Thank you for spending time with me today and I'll see you right back here next time.