Preston's House of the Dragon Watch, Season 3, Episode 4, Tumbleton

[00:00:06]And our episode begins at Tumbleton where Americans are reminded why we have a third amendment to the Constitution for now. So, some courted soldiers end up where Hugh the Hammer's wife is staying and we see the sexual assault coming from a mile away. And don't you think this is a bit of a coincidence?

[00:00:23]Well, nearly every house is quartering soldiers, and soldiers aren't exactly known for being the best guests. No, I'm not talking about the sexual assault part. Frankly, I'm surprised there's not more of that going on. I'm talking about this being the one that gets Orman's attention. What I'm saying is that there's 15,000 soldiers in the city and three staying with Hugh the Hammer's wife. And the sole problem soldier that rises to Orman's justice happens to be the one sexually assaulting Hugh the Hammer's wife. That's a one in 5,000 chance. Eh, it's fiction. What are the chances that Sam would run into Arya and Braavos or Tyrion into Jorah and Selhores or Tyrion into Cat at the end of the crossroads? Well, 0% on that last one as it requires a jetpack. And then we get to Orund High Tower who is so nuts he stands up naked to intimidate the complaining Lord and Lady Footley.

[00:01:13]Man, this really is a bonker scene when you think about it. I mean, baths cool off and become tepid in like 30 minutes.

[00:01:21]Practically speaking, there is no reason to write letters and meet with people while in a bath. You're just not there very long. That means Orand wanted and planned for all of this to happen. Lord and Lady Footley wanted to speak with him. So, he ordered a huge bathtub dragged into the meeting room, had it failed, had his letters brought in, and then called for Lord and Lady Footley just so he could speak to them and then stand up and intimidate them naked.

[00:01:47]Bonkers. Well, I have to say that Lord and Lady Footley are fairing a lot better than their book counterparts, so they can be thankful for that. There are some out there that think the show is pro black and continually whitewashing their actions, but so far with Tumbleton, the show Greens are angels compared to their book counterparts. Are you talking about them weirdly raping girls as young as 8 and 10, but not girls that are nine? Huh? Does George mean eight and 10? Like as young as 18?

[00:02:18]Well, no. 18 wouldn't make sense in the sentence. Not to mention 8 and 10 as in 18 is hyphenated. They were doing horrible acts, but for some reason, not on 9year-olds or improbably among the thousands there were only two girls.

[00:02:33]Anyway, can we stop talking about the grossness of the book? Really? You you don't want to talk about brothel queens?

[00:02:39]The fact that in the book Allison and Helena were made into sex slaves. Well, those are mushroom stories. So is Jace, Luke, and Joffrey being bastards, but they went with that. Anyway, we get to Rene, who's puzzled by Orman's actions.

[00:02:52]She thinks staying at Tumbleton is painting a randle on their chest. A randle? Like protection at joints on armor. Well, no. Metaphorically, that wouldn't make any sense. I think she just means a circle. And what she really means is a target. Yeah. The old timey speak of the show is so odd and utterly different from George R. Martin. It's like they've never heard of a search of ice and fire. Anyway, Orwhile comes up with the genius plan of countering that army with her army. He's so clever that she puts him back on her council. And then Reneer goes to Allison to get the skinny on Orund. And she finds out that he collects tapestries and has a strong aversion to odors. And this information gets passed on to no one. If only Oscar totally knew about the tapestries, it would have changed everything. And then Allison proceeds to tell the most illogical tale of why she sent Daron away. She says, "I bore Viseri's three Targaryenss, but with the last, my last, I wanted him to be a high tower. In truth, I'm glad I waged that battle, seeing now what came of our other sons.

[00:04:00]Perhaps sending Daron away was my truest act of motherhood, though I do not know now what fate that choice has consigned him." Now, let's think about that. When Aegon was seven, Helena six, and Aean four, she decided they were way too Targaryen. What does that mean? What is that judgment based on? Allison has known four Targaryenss in her life.

[00:04:23]Viseris, Emma, Aaron, Damon, and Rene.

[00:04:27]And maybe she's met briefly Rainees, and Jiharis. In what ways were they all similar? What's the stereotype? And how does she see it in a seven-year-old, a six-year-old, and a fouryear-old? But say she does see something that she doesn't like. How does she attribute it to being in King's Landing? Viseries, by all accounts, was a hands-off dad. I'm not saying her kids weren't turning out rotten, but it seems they were turning out rotten because of her, a high tower.

[00:04:55]And I don't see how they could be turning out stereotypically Targaryen, whatever that means. nor how having your child raised by a stranger, a stranger your own brother says is cruel, would lead to a positive high tower result.

[00:05:12]This again makes me think that Allison is an absolute sociopath, or at least the person that wrote this scene is.

[00:05:19]Anyway, next, Coriss is still upset at Rea for not helping him with his succession crisis. So, he decides to make that crisis even more dire by going off and risking his life in battle. And he leaves Allan to appear in his place as hand. And then we make it to Lius and Aegon who have made it to Sunfire who has fallen from a tower and is now in a coma apparently. Oh, they're going that route. Is he going to open his third eye, become a green seer, and learn to time travel? I think so. Anyway, a local man who looks a lot like the cat spa wants to be paid for them touching the dragon. Oh man, the cat spa's here. But where's the cat spa's dagger?

[00:05:56]>> Daggerwatch. Dagger watch. Dagger watch.

[00:06:01]Cat spa. Dagger watch.

[00:06:03]>> Look, it's not in this scene. I think the dagger is with Aemon, but we haven't really seen it this season. Anyway, the Cat Spa lookalike wants to be paid for touching the dragon, but then it seems he wants to kill and rob Lis and Aegon.

[00:06:17]Oh man, how did they get out of that?

[00:06:19]Well, Loris is like, "Hey, Aegon, let's scram." And Aegon is like, "John, it should have been you." And Larsius is like, "No, dude. Let's get going." Yeah, but how did they get away from the guys?

[00:06:31]You said they were ready to rob and kill them. And Aegon and Lars are both crippled. They're not moving fast. Well, you see, the scene ends. Oh man, that Li sure is clever. So then we get to Sir Chrisen and Gane who arrive at Harrenhal where Alice is acting as steward. Oh man, the mysterious Alice. Is she going to give them prophetic dreams? No. Is she going to scare him with goats and green men? No. Is she going to demand Harrenhal? No. She's going to do nothing. And so Crisen and Gane talk and and they decide they want an honorable death by attacking the Riverman army.

[00:07:10]Wait, so Crisen's PTSD is gone. Oh yeah, he's he's over that. And now he just cares about honor. Wasn't he [ __ ] Allison? Oh yeah, he was doing that. Are you sure Alice didn't do anything to their heads? Crispen Cole is just psychotic, which I don't know, I guess is consistent with his character over the whole series. And then we get back to Reneer, who with all the problems she has going on, decides to check in on Viserius's Warhammer 40k diarama. Is this supposed to be a trip down memory lane for Rene or something? I mean, she just saw this thing in season 1, episode 8. Yeah, it's been 4 years since season 1 for us, but it's like two months for them. Well, I'd like to note that the movers, for some reason, painstakingly clean the cobwebs off of every piece and then carelessly dump the diarama in this room, breaking a bunch of it. Anyway, they see some rats and Allan recommends they get some cats. And Rene thinks that's a pretty good idea. Armies can fight armies. Cats chase rats. Man, the bar for impressing Rene is so [ __ ] low. I mean, this is a woman who banged Kristen Cole, married Damon Targaryen, and put Misaria on her counsel. She has never had sound judgment. And so, next we get to Lis and Aegon, who somehow had the time to rip a scale off of Sunfire while limping away from murderers. They make it to Rook's Rest and pass people collecting maggots off of rotting corpses. Guys, the the sea is like a mile away. Collect some worms and go fishing. By the way, would there even be maggots after how many weeks has it been? Well, it seems to be about a month or so since the battle. The high septin told Reneer that he crowned Aegon months ago. And right before Rook's rest, Allison and Oral had a conversation where they said it was weeks since Viserius's death. So months minus weeks is a month. Maybe there's still maggots after a month. Seems unlikely. As unlikely as Aegon's wounds being healed, but here we are. So anyway, Lis and Aegon need a place to stay while they wait for a ship. And so they pose as being from Sharp Point and asked to stay with some small folk. Those highborn accents, don't give them away. Brandon, this is a world where Gendry has an accent from Nottingham, England, but he's supposed to be from the same neighborhood as Davos, who has an accent from Dublin, Ireland. It's also a world where Cersei has an accent from Somerset, England, and yet she was raised with Tyrion, who has an accent from New Jersey. And also, this is a world with Littlefinger. Accents do not matter. Anyway, we get back to Tumbleton for a big coincidental sexual assault on Hugh's wife and a fight with her brother, which happens just as Hugh convinces Reneer to send him to Tumbleton, too. Yeah, this is weird. Rea actually says she chose Elf to go to Tumbleton because he didn't have a stake in the town. Hugh's logic is, "Hey, send me too because I have a stake." Clearly, Rene thought it was a bad idea to send someone who has a conflict of interest.

[00:10:14]So, why the change? Honestly, anything could happen. Hugh's wife could be taken hostage. Battle could endanger civilians, and so Hugh might not participate. Not to mention, where the [ __ ] are Adam and Ba? And where the [ __ ] is Harold Westerling? I don't know.

[00:10:29]Where the [ __ ] is Chad? She should have sent Adam or Ba or just gone herself.

[00:10:34]But no, they need Rene to make a thousand1 bad decisions. Oh, by the way, we get a closeup of those magnets on Reneer's whiteboard. They're holdfasts, armies, and dragons, apparently. Yeah.

[00:10:45]So, did you figure out what that dot is?

[00:10:47]Well, it's close to Golden Grove. They wouldn't put Stanfast, the seat of House Weber, would they? Would they? Can I dare hope for that level of nerdiness?

[00:10:58]Come on, sweet Robin. These are the same people that left Summerhal and High Heart on the table map. My guess is they lost their place and combined Golden Grove and Silverh Hall. And that's supposed to be Deep Den. Well, that would be a disappointment. And speaking of disappointments, next we have Ul the White, who for some reason is doing Misaria's job of seeing what the people think of Rene, albeit he does it by accident. I guess Misaria is too busy being hand of the queen, so Olaf has to be master of whisperers. Meanwhile, Damon seems to be master of coin and Orhile seems to be battle commander.

[00:11:33]Which brings us back to Orand and the grand coincidence. Orman, for some reason, decides to do a weird switcheroo where he first claims he wants justice against the soldiers's actions, but then later feels like this is an attack against the High Towers. Yeah. Uh, what's the point of this? I think it's to show that he's psychotic, shocking, and impulsive.

[00:11:54]So, just like literally every other character. Got it. And then we get back to Orw acting as master of laws, I guess. And he says the crown doesn't remove or appoint high septins and that Reneer should ignore the faith, but then seems to switch his opinion around suddenly and thinks that maybe Rea should kill the High Septan. So yeah, everyone's pulling a Normand. Yeah. Uh why does Rene trust this guy again?

[00:12:19]Didn't he conspire with the green council to deny Rene her throne? He did, but Rene's grand maester tried to protect her. So, he's out. Plus, Orhile figured out that you could use an army to fight another army. Ah, right. Very trustworthy. Now, anyway, Damon arrives in the veil where it seems to be public knowledge that Damon murdered his wife.

[00:12:41]Well, I mean, he did fly in on that dragon. I wouldn't be surprised if Jane Aaron saw him herself. And I have to say, she is a brave one. She accuses him of murder to his face and then mocks him for being a beggar. Good for her. Mother is punk rock. No doubt. Well, Damon takes it pretty well and humbly asks for 10,000 dragons, but he ends up finding 10,000 in1. And uh I'm just going to stop you right here because I cannot pretend to care about this plot at all.

[00:13:10]It is so utterly dumb. Rea didn't kill Jace. She didn't do that. That's simply not what happened. Jace was clearly killed by the Triarchy. One could argue that Sheep Stealer was a distraction, but that's about it. And even accepting that Raina wasn't in control of Sheepsteeler. She didn't even know the Battle of the Gullet was going on.

[00:13:34]Sheepsteeler went there by himself and distracted Jace by himself. Raina didn't do anything. In fact, she tried to stop him. Imagine for a moment that you get into a car in Michigan and then it just starts autodriving and it drives all the way to New Jersey where two guys are fighting and for a second one of the guys is distracted and the other guy kills him. Would anyone say that you killed that guy? This is just ridiculous [ __ ] and they should have never gotten rid of Nettles. Anyway, next Orman finds out that Aemon has disappeared and isn't coming and gets pretty angry. And then we get back to Reneer and Orwhile who claims that Otto diligently wrote Orand, but Ormand never replied, which is a lie. As in season 2, episode 1, Otto does mention that Orand wrote him, but because the show is so inconsistent, I have no idea if Orle is scheming. Huh. Even back in season 2, episode 1, the mystery dot was there. I think. But you know what's even weirder?

[00:14:32]They already had an army and a dragon of Tumbleton. What the [ __ ] up with that?

[00:14:37]Time traveling Sunfire confirmed.

[00:14:39]Anyway, then elf the White arrives and Rene tells him that he can't drink anymore. Bad decision 1002. And he tells her that the small folk are talking [ __ ] about her. And so she makes bad decision 1003 and sends the gold cloaks to track down who the people were. Again, this is all Misaria's job. Then we get back to Aegon with the small folk who is forced to bow down and kiss some mud and shitcovered feet. I guess the writers feel he needs to be humbled. humbled.

[00:15:05]Didn't they already burn off his dick?

[00:15:07]Meanwhile, Sir Balon Swan arrives in Sunspear and presents the mountains head to the Dornish. And then Rene makes bad decision number 104. She chooses to feed the small folk rather than pay the gold cloaks. First of all, giving a bunch of people gold doesn't create more food.

[00:15:23]But even if it did, 10,000 dragons is about enough money to pay the gold cloaks for a year. Meanwhile, it's the cost of food for the city for only a few days. And then we get um an apology to George R. Martin. Oh my god, they're going to fix it. They're gonna fix it. Helena's going to birth nettles. Anyway, Hugh arrives at Tumbleton. The Goldcol start roughing up King's Landing, though we are treated to no butt farting into the camera. And Orman makes Don kill Hugh's brother-in-law for some reason. It apparently makes him a high tower. as if Targaryenss don't randomly kill people.

[00:16:03]Tasarian then chows down and we are left with the evil face of Orand, the most evil person in the show. I mean, after Lis and Aean and Damon and Aegon and Kristen Cole and Allison and Rene, but he's like the eighth most evil person in the show. That's, you know, it's pretty bad. That's pretty villainous, right?

[00:16:27]Being eighth. He killed Hugh's brother-in-law. You know, that's not cool. They really need Aean back.

[00:16:40]>> [music]