Being “Too Nice” Is Ruining Your Life - The Difference Between Being Nice & Being Kind

Added: 2026-05-11

[00:00:00]Being nice will not make your life easier. It'll actually make it worse.

[00:00:03]You stand the risk of being disrespected, overlooked, and honestly exhausted most of the time. And I'll make something clear about this video.

[00:00:10]It's not about becoming mean or rude.

[00:00:12]This video is really about understanding the difference between being kind and being too nice. And honestly, I don't think I can consider myself and I've heard people say this about me. I've heard my friends say this. I don't think I'm a nice person. Don't get me wrong.

[00:00:25]I'm not saying I'm not a good person.

[00:00:27]I've heard people describe me [music] in different occasions as a kind person.

[00:00:31]And that's completely fine with me. I consider myself a good person. I prioritize peace, but don't get it twisted. I know my boundaries. I know my worth. I will speak up when I need to speak up. I will set the tone. I will set the team. I'll set the vibe because that's important to me. I can be a good person while still instilling strong boundaries with people around me. And that means I'm doing a good [music] job.

[00:00:53]And that's the thing I have seen one too many times. People just think that they're good people, but what they're really doing is overextending themselves all in the name of being a nice person.

[00:01:02]You can just see how people are matching their heads, their toes, their entire body to the ground, to the mud. They're literally people pleasing without knowing that they are. They're exhausting themselves every single day thinking that that's what they need to do to keep the peace. They literally put everyone else before themselves because they feel like that's what you need to do to be a good person. That's not true.

[00:01:23]So, what we're going to do in today's video is I am going to expose the three main things that you're doing as a nice person that's actually ruining your life. So, if you really want to know how nice you are, but you're actually ruining your life, this is the video for you. But before we jump right into the video, if you're new on this channel, my name is Lucy. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.

[00:01:44]Welcome. We have a good time on this channel. I always say that because it's absolutely true. Subscribe to the channel. I also make videos on TikTok and Instagram. I'm going to have those linked below. Recommend that you follow me on there as well. It is a good time.

[00:01:57]Now, let's jump right into the video.

[00:01:59]>> [music] >> First way being nice ruined your life is you actually say yes when you mean to say no. This happens so much and honestly I feel like there was a time in my life where I used to be a people pleaser where it was so hard for me to say no to things even when I was dying inside. I could physically not do those things. I didn't have the capacity in me to do anything. I was just doing things like you show up even when you're tired.

[00:02:24]You agree to things you don't have the energy for. And you know the crazy thing about this is you agree to it, right?

[00:02:29]You show up. You do what needs to be done because obviously you think you don't have a choice which is crazy to me. Then you start resenting yourself and also the people around you for that decision you made to show up or to be there or to do the thing because you didn't know how to say no. This is where relationships become hard for you. It doesn't matter what you're doing. The people around you are not going to notice it but you which is a hard pill for you to swallow. Let me say this in a way that you truly understand what I'm trying to say. The worst part about saying yes when you mean to say no is that nobody even realizes the sacrifice that you made because you made it look easy. Because you're not expressing how you truly feel, you're showing up with a smile. You look good externally. [music] You have made such a huge sacrifice. You have completely squeezed yourself into that situation. You have given yourself all the prep work in your head to actually show up even when you would rather not show up. People don't notice it. They take it for granted. They don't see how hard it is or it was for you to actually get it done because you made it look easy. You said yes. So people realistically don't see the sacrifice because they don't actually see and you cannot fault them for not seeing it. And that's the reason why I preach healthy selfishness on this channel so much because you get affected the most. You get hurt the most. You actually feel it the most. People don't see it because they realistically don't know. You're not speaking. You're not saying. You're not showing how you truly feel. This is actually one of the smallest but biggest thing. You really don't realize how hard it is for you to say no until you actually try to say no. Test yourself in situations where you feel small. Try to actually go against your norm and see how it makes you feel. Then you will know if you're being too nice. Now, the second thing and when I tell you I have seen this too too too many times, I'm telling you I literally just seen this like a couple days ago. You being too nice doesn't make people respect you.

[00:04:20]Now, let me tell you this. When you're always available, always understanding, always adjusting, people will take you for granted. People will think it's normal. They will always expect it. So, when you actually say no, it will come like a shock to them like, "Wow, she literally said no." Then it's an issue because they are used to you always showing up. They've never seen the other side of you. They've not seen the human side of you. I almost feel like they start to see you as someone who is not human, who do not feel things, who do not need space, who doesn't get tired, who is okay taking everything in, always available, always accommodating, does not have personal need, does not have preferences, does not have opinions. The day you contest it and tell me, if you've ever experienced it because I have, way way way long ago, right? The day you contest it, the day you have a different answer from what they're used to or what they always expect, that's where the issue starts. That's one of the telltale signs that you're actually ruining your life. You're literally not living for yourself anymore. And I always say this to people, when you meet someone, you literally train them how they can treat you and who you are, what you [music] accept moving forward. I've seen a lot of people say they try to keep the peace. They are good people.

[00:05:30]They are nice people. They don't like conflict. They avoid conflict. They don't like hard conversations. They don't like this. They don't do this because they always like peace to reign.

[00:05:40]Which that is one thing that I literally carry on my head. I want peace to reign, but not at the detriment of my happiness, not at the expense of my soul being settled. I've seen situations where people will make snarky remarks about your looks, how you speak, how you carry yourself, like your body. They make jokes. All those little tiny things, you notice. That's the crazy thing about it is you will notice because you're not the confrontational person, you're a good person, you're a nice person, you're keeping the peace, you don't say anything about it. And let me tell you the thing about that is they also notice the same way you notice. And they notice that you didn't say anything. They notice that you're okay with it and they will do it again, again, over again, and again because they notice that you don't have a reaction. You're okay with it, you're fine with it, so why wouldn't they carry on? Like I said, you teach people how to treat you. And the way you accept things, they will carry on doing that things. If you don't put your foot on the ground, if you don't set the boundaries earlier on, and believe me, I am learning from my mistakes, right?

[00:06:35]When it comes to this, setting boundaries with people that you actually love and want to carry on with in your life. If you don't set the right boundaries, you waste your time. you's time because you will realize at some point where you are completely exhausted that you're not living the right way with these people. They don't respect you. They overlook you. You're very easy to just, you know, and that is not the right way to live.

[00:06:57]You're ruining yourself. You're ruining your mental health. You're ruining your nervous system. You're ruining your life. And one of the saddest thing about being overlooked is you become convenient and not valued. You're just the go-to person for everything and anything. They almost don't see you as human, like I said, which is such a bad place to be. Now, the third thing for this video, which I feel like is the most important thing, is you start to abandon yourself. With the first and the second point, there is no way that you're a nice person in this way that you have not abandoned yourself. From the first and the second is the same as putting yourself at the back seat, right? Because when you mean to say no and you say yes, you deprioritize yourself. When you put yourself in a position to be disrespected, spoken to however, which way, you abandon yourself. You don't matter. Because you have shrunk yourself so much all in the name of being a nice person, keeping the peace, being good, you know, thinking that your reward is in heaven. I hate to break it to you. That is not how God rewards nice people. I don't think there's anywhere in the Bible that says the price of being a good person is literally be disrespected, marched, you know, cursed, you know, you have to suffer to be a good person because all of this is just bondage and suffering, unnecessary one for that matter. Because why? Why do you have to go through so much just to prove that you're a good person or to keep the peace. You can have mutual respect and be at peace. In fact, being peaceful or being in a safe environment is where there's mutual respect, mutual understanding, the right communication. You respect other people's time, respect other people's opinions, respect their bodies, respect their decisions. Like, that's where you really have good safety and security to actually thrive on, the ground to thrive on. And let me tell you the painful truth about this. The day you sit down and have a conversation with these people about every single thing, how you've been feeling, how everything has been, all the sacrifices you have made, all the things you have tolerated, all the times that you had to take the backseat for people to step up, how you had to sacrifice your kidney, your liver. Let me tell you one of the major and most common answers and responses I have seen and I have heard. I didn't ask you to do all that.

[00:09:01]I didn't know you were going through all that. Oh my god, you should have said something. I wouldn't have let you go through this. Oh my god, I didn't know.

[00:09:08]I never would have put you in that situation. Oh my god, do you think I'm a bad person? I'm not a bad person. You should have said something. I didn't ask all of these from you. I thought you were fine with it. And realistically, you were. Realistically, you were okay with all of it and that's the reason why people could just use you and use you and use you because you were such a nice person. You get to a point where you don't even recognize who you are. All the people that you claim to be your loved ones around you. They don't know the things you like. They don't know what makes you tick. They don't even know what your preferences are, whether you like eggs or you don't like eggs.

[00:09:39]Whenever they make eggs, you eat it.

[00:09:41]Even if [music] you were disgusted by it, you eat it. You are so lonely in a crowd of people, in a room full of people. Not just strangers, but the people that you call family and friends.

[00:09:51]You can feel so isolated, so overlooked.

[00:09:54]You feel like a shadow because you're the nice person. [music] So, it ruins your life completely. All these things being said, I'm not saying you shouldn't be a nice person. Being a good person is actually one of life's most important things and valuable things and beautiful. But, being nice, what I've seen, usually comes from fear. And that fear of disappointing people, that fear of conflict, that fear of uncomfortable conversations and hard truth, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being alone. You accommodate the wrong people, being the wrong company, do the wrong things, have to sit with the wrong crowd because you're scared of being alone, you're scared of being isolated, you're scared of being the odd one out, you're scared of being weird, you're scared of walking alone. Now, let me tell you a mindset switch that you should have from today moving forward. It doesn't matter how alone you have to be. It doesn't matter how dark that road and path is, you have to walk it alone. Have it at the back of your mind that you'd rather walk it alone than walk it with the wrong people. You'd rather experience life alone than experience it with people who do not know your value.

[00:10:57]People who treat you less than, people that don't value you. Because at the end of the day, people will only respect you if you respect yourself. People will only respect your boundaries if you respect your boundaries. So, if you feel like you're drained, you're overlooked, you feel like you're that one person who's always giving much more than you receive, my dear, you are being too nice. You are too nice. Look at your life, do a life audit. Relationships, if you don't call somebody today, would that friendship still be there? If you don't call your partner or do the things that you do in that relationship, would that relationship still stand? Think about those things. And after you've done the audit, things need to change, okay? I'm not saying you should be rude.

[00:11:33]I'm not saying you should be mean. I'm not saying you walk around Earth being a bad person, but you also need to set boundaries, set it with intention, and make sure that you come first before anything else. Now, that's pretty much everything that I have for you guys in this video. If you enjoyed it, let me know in the comments section below. Like I said earlier, I want to hear your stories cuz I know that we all have been through this situation in different ways. So, I want to read about your experiences. Now, don't forget to subscribe to the channel, follow me on my socials, Instagram and TikTok. They are down below. Thank you guys so much, and I will see you [music] in my next one.

[00:12:05]Bye. Those of you that are listening in your car, at your job, are you at home? I don't care where you at. Turn this [music] up right now cuz we about to go in. Hey. So, everybody say >> [music] >> Shawty, baby, when I see you