Woman Seeks Divorce After Realizing She Still Likes Women

[00:00:00]Yo, what is up, you beautiful hoodlums?

[00:00:03]Welcome back. Today we have a divorce case that made me pause the video, rewind it, and ask myself, "Brother, did I hear this correctly?" [music] Imagine meeting someone, you're falling in love, you get engaged, you're planning a wedding, inviting the whole stinking family, you buy [music] a cake, you're saying I do, and then years later a judge is going to be asking you, "So, was the biggest issue in your marriage actually there from the very beginning?"

[00:00:31]According to Nicole here, before this relationship ever became serious, she told William something incredibly important. She said she was really gay, and she wasn't even sure dating him was the right path. And I'm like, "Brother, that is about as major of a conversation as two people can have before getting married." That's the kind of information that deserves several more conversations. [music] Like, maybe a few walks around the neighborhood, perhaps a PowerPoint presentation about this, a flow chart, a pie chart, something, because marriage is already one of the biggest commitments you'll ever make. Walking into it with a question that big feels like building a house while everybody quietly ignores the giant crack in the foundation. And then years later Judge Lynn is asking whether this marriage was built on a conflict that simply stayed there the entire time. So, grab your beard trimmers, because this courtroom story is about to unpack a marriage that may have started with one giant question mark. So, let's just see how this all plays out.

[00:01:34]>> When he started to become complacent, you know, he says he's in a state of despondency, I started feeling like a lesbian. I started feeling like a boy. I I felt like I was wearing the pants. So, psychologically I started going back in that direction. And but that was the way that I that I cope.

[00:01:50]>> Mhm.

[00:01:50]>> What was going on. I thought I was empowering myself.

[00:01:53]>> Mhm.

[00:01:54]When you say complacent, give me an example of what he was doing that that demonstrated complacency.

[00:02:01]>> Well, he used to be pretty ambitious.

[00:02:04]>> Uh-huh.

[00:02:04]>> Uh one of the uh for example, you asked for example, he would sit and even though I would try to motivate him to um do things as far as his career, he would uh he would make excuses.

[00:02:16]He would he would make excuses of why he cannot live up to his potential.

[00:02:21]>> Mhm.

[00:02:22]Was he not working at all or simply he wasn't doing as much as you thought he could do in order to advance himself and and and be more successful?

[00:02:31]>> It was more so he would always work, but he would take these mediocre um jobs when he could do better. So, yes, to answer your question, I thought that uh that was my perception of him of that he could do a lot better, he just wouldn't.

[00:02:46]>> Now, were you sweating him about it cuz you wanted more money or you were you really uh in his corner supporting his own personal advancement? Those are two very separate things.

[00:02:58]>> No, I would I I wanted uh to be uh his support. I tried to directly facilitate him advancing his life, enhancing his career full circle.

[00:03:09]It was not about the money. I am all money. If it was about money, I would have never left my my career.

[00:03:13]>> Mr. Morelli, how did her support come across to you?

[00:03:17]>> Her definition is totally different from mine. Um support is not talking down to somebody, name-calling, throwing things, um on those based on those lines there.

[00:03:30]But >> do that? Talk down to him, name-call, get angry, throw stuff at him?

[00:03:34]>> Yes.

[00:03:35]>> Did that happen?

[00:03:36]>> Yes.

[00:03:37]>> Does that read support to you?

[00:03:38]>> No. This was years and years and years later after it started taking a toll on me mentally, physically, financially.

[00:03:45]It was not at the beginning. I understand, and that's one of the reasons why I'm here today because this picture that's being painted of me, I don't accept and I don't like it.

[00:03:53]>> Okay. You tell me what picture he's painting and how he's got it wrong.

[00:03:58]>> I'm not a monster.

[00:04:00]I never cared about money. I cared about us having a a a life together, some some type of stability in our life.

[00:04:09]>> Did you not feel secure economically?

[00:04:11]>> No, not at all. He kept getting in the way of that.

[00:04:14]>> How did he get in the way of your your economic security?

[00:04:19]>> Because I I Although I tried to advance us, I couldn't utilize my money the way that I needed to. I had to keep picking up the slack for him. Or he wouldn't come up there with me.

[00:04:34]>> Mr. Morelli, what do you What do you have to say about that?

[00:04:38]>> I mean, were you kind of just everything's fine and you didn't really make an effort to, you know, secure yourself and and and and make sure you have money and in the bank and everything is cool.

[00:04:52]>> It was hard to stack dough, so to speak, when constantly people are being brought into the house to live, not helping out when they said they would. My thing was with Nikki, she always like to help out people, but you have to help yourself sometimes before you can help other people out.

[00:05:08]>> I put people through college, yeah.

[00:05:10]That's conducive to my personality. I like to help people. It's not Help it There's nothing wrong with helping people.

[00:05:15]>> I never said there was. I never said that made me a jerk.

[00:05:18]>> No, no, no, no, no, no, let let me say this and then and then and then we'll end it.

[00:05:21]You feel financially insecure, but you're putting people through college.

[00:05:25]That doesn't make sense to me. I mean, if you don't feel economically that you that you're comfortable and safe, you have to spend your money on yourself first before you help a whole lot of other people.

[00:05:36]>> That's what I did.

[00:05:37]>> So, these two met [music] at a gas station. Apparently, I have been sleeping on the romance aisle between pump four and the beef jerky. Forget dating apps, guys. Everybody grab a slurpee and start making eye contact at the checkout counter. But what's interesting is Nicole here explains that she wanted to leave her previous lifestyle behind. So she jumped into a relationship with Will, who is a dude and has a swing-a-ling-a-ding-dong. And here's where my brain starts having an issue here. Marriage already as it is is hard. Every single marriage has seasons.

[00:06:08]Some months feel like a honeymoon and some months feel like two co-workers trying to survive [music] the quarterly meeting. Life gets busy. Bills show up and they pile up and things get extremely stressful at times. And everybody eventually hits a stretch where the butterflies take a little vacation, okay? So when I hear that things got difficult and the relationship started feeling empty, my first thought is hold up. Every marriage eventually reaches moments where the spark needs intentional work. That's the chapter where communication becomes the MVP of your marriage. But then we learn that these arguments [music] escalated into throwing things at each other. And I'm like, you guys, the remote control belongs on the coffee table. The only thing flying across the room should be paper airplanes at this [music] point.

[00:06:52]And then what's really strange is that the finances and the issues and the stability of that fall into the chat.

[00:06:58]And she says that money was super unstable for them and that's why she kind of started feeling weird about themselves. [music] Yet some of the spending choices that she had seems to pull into the opposite direction. Like you can't hold a financial intervention while the Amazon driver already knows your dog's name. But for me, the biggest takeaway has very little to do with her attractions. It has everything to do with the clarity of the situation and figuring out who you are, figuring out what you truly want, and give yourself permission to be honest with yourself.

[00:07:25]Then invite another person into that journey. Because marriage already comes with enough challenges and trying to build one while carrying unanswered questions about who you are inside your own heart feels like starting a road trip with the check engine light already flashing. And everybody deserves a relationship and a marriage where both people walk in with honesty about yourselves and to each other because honesty today saves a whole lot of heartbreak tomorrow. And in my opinion, if she was with a woman or a man, these issues probably would still boil up and manifest in different ways because she still holds a lot of shame about who she is and who she feels she is. And look, I think that you can be with whoever you want even if that is a gay since what you're actually attracted to. I think if that's what you want to do, you should do it. But don't do it before you do the work to [music] handle and deal with your own shame about who you think you are rather than jumping in and thinking that getting married is going to solve it for you because I'll tell you right now, getting married only makes your problems louder.

[00:08:29]>> You you strike me as very distraught, very broken.

[00:08:34]And I'm not quite sure how you got there. Explain to me what is so distressing to you uh that occurred in this union cuz so far I hear fights about money, you know, that you don't uh you don't see eye to eye on that. Every every couple I know deals with that.

[00:08:54]What's so hard for you?

[00:08:56]>> You know, you know, like I said, I was I was living this lifestyle. I was living this lifestyle. I put myself through college all on my own, took care of my brothers and sisters and then I come and I meet this guy and I and he knows my story. He knows my life. Don't get in my way. That's all I wanted. I didn't want anyone to get in my way. He did in every single way.

[00:09:14]>> How did he get in your way?

[00:09:15]>> got in my way, first he started cheating on me. I would I would I would um >> Really?

[00:09:19]>> Yes.

[00:09:20]>> Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Morelli, I'm going to get to you.

[00:09:24]He cheated on you?

[00:09:25]>> He The first thing he did was he insulted our friendship. You want to know how we got there? I try to make it as succinct as possible. First things first, he said that he wanted to be involved in real estate. So, I'm out there, I'm grooming him and I'm growing him up. This is what I think.

[00:09:42]Um out there busting my behind in school, full-time job.

[00:09:45]Um and he cheated on me.

[00:09:47]>> Mr. Morelli, your response to that? Did you cheat on her or >> Yes, I did. That was towards the end of our relationship when we finally separated. But, the fact that she left out is that numerous times I had caught her with somebody else. I was at real estate school, came home.

[00:10:05]Door is locked. She finally opens up.

[00:10:07]There's another person in there. She's buckling up her pants.

[00:10:12]But, nothing happened.

[00:10:13]>> What's really weird is that she starts out claiming, "Well, the real problem is that he cheated on me." And that's an issue here. But, then when he's talking about the fact that, "Well, that happened later in the relationship when we were separated." But, in reality, in the beginning, I actually walked in on her with another person in the bedroom, and she's sitting there with this smirk on her face, showing her big old teeth in the front. Like, I feel like she has a lot of internal issues and has no business getting married to somebody regardless of who they are, whether they're a man or woman. Because if you're going to sit there as you sleep with someone else and you basically admit with the look on your face that you did cheat on him, and then you have a smile while he's expressing it in court, that tells me that you actually did not care about this man to begin with, and you were only using him for a means to try and escape your own shame about who you felt felt who you are. And I think that's what's going on here, and I think she needs to realize that she needs to take some personal responsibility.

[00:11:13]>> believe that Mrs. Morelli is really a lesbian >> Yeah, I mean, we we talked about that before we even got together, and I was and when we talked, she wanted to change that lifestyle, asked me to help her transition from that lifestyle to a different lifestyle, and we tried to.

[00:11:28]>> You like women, you're were to women. What made you make a conscientious effort to do something other than what your biology was telling you? Were you trying to fit in? Was it a societal pressure?

[00:11:41]Was it Was it a religious belief? What?

[00:11:44]>> Yes.

[00:11:44]>> It was It was a religious belief.

[00:11:46]>> Yes.

[00:11:47]I battle I know I battle my sexuality. I still do to this day. However, I made a choice. I made a conscious choice to go down this heterosexual path and I just have to stick with it because I believe that that's what my creator want for me.

[00:12:00]>> Okay.

[00:12:01]>> That's what I believe. It's hard, but I deal with it. Now, I you know, that brings up Will as well. I understand he's a human being. He can't be responsible for someone's sexuality.

[00:12:11]But as my friend, he knew Will and I Even though when we met, we were attracted to to Pardon me, to each other, we established a friendship.

[00:12:21]>> Mhm.

[00:12:22]>> You know, we're both from New York City.

[00:12:23]I'm like, "Listen, Will, you know, I don't really think I want to date you.

[00:12:26]I just think you're cute cuz you know, I'm really gay, blah blah blah." That kind of thing. I kept it real from the door. I thought we were establishing a friendship.

[00:12:33]>> Mhm.

[00:12:34]>> And I said, "One of my reasons is because I can't trust men."

[00:12:38]But you guys I mean, irrespective of what a woman does for you, always find a way to think with your penis. But I said, "I need to be If I'm going to be in a heterosexual relationship, I need to be with with someone that's going to be such my best friend. The type of individual that keeps it real with me so that way until I develop this strength or at least I thought back then. I was pretty young, in my 20s.

[00:12:57]>> he do to violate your friendship?

[00:13:00]>> Yeah, tell me.

[00:13:02]Cuz I would love to know.

[00:13:04]Because I thought I was there through thick and thin.

[00:13:07]>> He He sent me back to that life.

[00:13:09]>> Now, we all understand that there's a lot of stuff that can weigh on someone who goes through something like this.

[00:13:15]And I have a lot of grace and compassion for her in the situation. And look, the dude has to take some responsibility as well. She straight up told him, "I like chicks. I ain't going to go in there and be lying to you. I definitely want to do some other things rather than be with you. But here's the thing, you can't expect things to change by just getting married to a dude. You can't go into a relationship and assume that oh, if we just get married and I just, you know, go down on this dude and have some rides on him, suddenly everything's going to change in my view of myself. No, that doesn't work that way. There's a lot of work that you have to go through in order to get yourself to that. [music] Do I believe that people who have opposite sexual orientations can be together? I do. I think that it's possible. I've seen people who were in those types of situations. But here's the thing, you got to do the work to get yourself to [music] where you can do that and be sane and happy with yourself. Because if you feel like he is the one to blame that pushed you back into the place that you already are, like you can't blame him for that.

[00:14:20]That's not his fault. It's your fault for engaging in a relationship with someone with so much shame about yourself and not allowing yourself to heal from that and move forward and then maybe get in a relationship with someone. Because at the end of the day, if you still hold shame in your life, it doesn't matter if he's got a swing-a-ling-a-ding-dong or not. You're going to have these issues and you're going to regress away from the person that you're with. That's just how it's going to work. So in my opinion, I think she needs to take more responsibility.

[00:14:47]Guys, what do you think?

[00:14:48]>> You seem as confused as I am with respect to the violation of the friendship about which she speaks. Do you have any clue as to why she believes you violated that that that that sacred trust she had in you?

[00:15:03]Cuz I can't I can't see it.

[00:15:05]>> I have no clue, honestly.

[00:15:07]When you was in a When you went to Atlanta, wasn't I there to help you financially? Wasn't I sending you money when I was struggling?

[00:15:14]>> Yes.

[00:15:14]>> I thought I was pretty damn good friends.

[00:15:17]Even after we separated.

[00:15:18]>> Your jealousy. It was your jealousy.

[00:15:20]>> When you was in the car that night when my dad's arm got broke.

[00:15:25]>> How was that jealousy?

[00:15:26]>> You told me you was jealous of her.

[00:15:27]>> side.

[00:15:30]>> Mr. Morelli, I think you still love her a bit, don't you?

[00:15:33]>> I'm always going to have love for her. I mean, we've been through so much. But, in love, no. But, every person that I come across, I always have a special spot in my heart for them. And I'll always will for her.

[00:15:43]>> Yeah, just like the woman that you had a double life on me and another family.

[00:15:46]Like you had a special >> Explain that to me. What do you mean he had a double life?

[00:15:52]Tell me what you know.

[00:15:53]>> We were separated. We were not >> We were not separated.

[00:15:57]>> Yes, we were separated.

[00:15:58]>> Miss Morelli, you tell me what you believe happened and I'll ask Mr. Morelli what he believed happened. What do you think happened?

[00:16:03]>> I never forget it. It was Valentine's Day. I was in New York City with one of the bands that I was promoting and managing.

[00:16:10]>> I'm glad you brought this up. I love to touch on this subject.

[00:16:13]>> Okay. I called him while I was in New York City, Judge, and I I told him about the phone calls that I was having from one of the members of the band.

[00:16:23]>> Mr. Morelli, did you get that phone call?

[00:16:26]>> Yes, I did.

[00:16:27]>> And how did it end?

[00:16:28]>> I told her I wasn't comfortable with that situation cuz she wanted to pursue it.

[00:16:33]>> She was asking permission to pursue it?

[00:16:35]>> She was asking permission to pursue it.

[00:16:37]>> And in response to that >> comfortable cuz we were still we were separated but not separated. We were still living in the same household due to convenience because at that time we were really financially couldn't be in separate households.

[00:16:48]>> Right.

[00:16:48]>> And then >> 3 weeks later >> they finally come back and after I check the bank account and everything, I had enough.

[00:16:59]We had not even a a third of the money.

[00:17:02]>> Who did you spend the money on?

[00:17:04]>> Touring, food, clothes, looking good.

[00:17:07]>> Promoting, buying >> Looking good.

[00:17:08]>> Buying people stuff.

[00:17:09]>> Yep, I did. Plane tickets, food, promoting an artist that I believed in.

[00:17:13]It's my money, I can do what I want. If I have $80,000, I need to allocate 30 or 40,000 dollars to my household, I'm fine with that.

[00:17:23]I'm fine with that. It's all good. Well, you already know how I am. If you have $2 and I have 5, so what? It's only money. Money can't buy people. That's not the most important things. But hold on, hold on, homie.

[00:17:32]>> You wouldn't even put that on me.

[00:17:33]>> [laughter] >> Hey, let let let let let let me say this to you. You say money isn't important, but it is a hugely important to you. It is very, very important to you. It It is. You're upset with him because he's not more ambitious because you don't have He isn't making more money. So, it it is important to you. Don't pretend that it's not. And when you have money with somebody and you want to spend a lot of it and you're two people in a household, that's a discussion.

[00:17:59]You have to discuss using >> [applause] >> a majority of the money.

[00:18:04]>> I'm going to clap on that, too.

[00:18:05]>> Because you're in it together.

[00:18:06]>> That's an incredible point because when you're married, guys, you don't just go spending money and draining the bank account. I don't care if you say I earned this money, yada yada. When you're in a marriage, I mean, clearly she doesn't understand the purpose and the meaning of marriage. If this is how she's viewing it, then why the heck did she stink and get married as a cure to her own sexual orientation? Like, that is the most insane thing I've ever heard in my entire life. You don't go and find a dude at a gas station. Already as it is, you don't find dudes at gas stations, okay? And then on top of that, you don't say let's get married so that you can cure the fact that I have something that I don't like about myself. And then on top of that, blame him for your financial struggles when you're spending all the money. And then after that, blaming him for being still attracted to women. Why the heck are you even married to this dude? Why would you do this to somebody? Why would you convince somebody that this is the way it's going to be and that they're going to be in love and things are going to work out if you already I'm sorry, she was already going to do this. It doesn't even matter who the person was. This is going to be an issue for her and all of her relationships until she deals with her own deep-rooted issues of shame and guilt that she feels on herself. So, in my opinion, guys, these two should not be together. That's clear.

[00:19:29]>> That's just how it works. Morelli, you want $5,000 for mental anguish.

[00:19:34]>> Yes.

[00:19:34]>> And you want $5,000 because you say she destroyed your father's urn. Why don't you first explain to me what happened to the urn?

[00:19:43]>> I'm more than happy to.

[00:19:45]All right.

[00:19:46]Going back to that night, kind of Leaf briefly touched on that when she was in a car with another female.

[00:19:52]Way too close for a married person to be.

[00:19:55]Regardless of the fact that we were going through things.

[00:19:59]Um I may have been in situations after we separated, but I never brought into the household. I always kept things outside the household, and that was never the case with her.

[00:20:09]On that night, she came in and we got into a little argument and we ended up outside arguing.

[00:20:19]Went inside, grabbed the urn, threw it on the grounds.

[00:20:22]Picked it up again, threw it down again.

[00:20:24]All the ashes all over the grounds.

[00:20:28]>> Ms. Morelli, did that occur?

[00:20:29]>> Yes.

[00:20:31]>> Uh I'd ask you why, but you know, I don't think uh any answer would satisfy me.

[00:20:40]Why don't you tell me why he you think he owes you money for mental anguish?

[00:20:47]>> You're making me cry.

[00:20:49]>> Mrs. Morelli, you you're the cause of you're the source of your own own concerns. You are. You're the source of your own problems. And whether or not you're comfortable with your sexuality, he's not he is not responsible for making your sexuality what you want it to be. It is what it is. And if your religious beliefs don't coincide with that, you deal with that on your own, in your church, on your own time, but you don't make him responsible for that because he can't do that for you. You can't make him responsible for for becoming a tycoon or or or or or or more than he wants to be if that's not who he wants to be. You're in charge of your life. You're in charge of your sexuality. You're in charge of your money and you need to be in charge of your in charge of your anger and your attitude. You're you're you're all shook up inside because you're not certain about anything and somehow you've gotten the idea if the money's right and I live a heterosexual lifestyle, I will be certain. That is not what your problem is. Your problem is internal. It it it it it is a soul problem. Okay?

[00:21:49]That's number one. Number two, I can't give you money for mental anguish and emotional distress.

[00:21:54]>> Uh abandonment or any of that. You're pointing at him for the problems that you created. Having said that, I'll say this, how dare you destroy that urn?

[00:22:06]That's what was left of his father.

[00:22:08]>> wasn't a conscious, it wasn't a conscious uh reaction. I just did it.

[00:22:13]>> If you punch somebody in anger, you're still guilty of assault. You're a grown woman. You knew better. $5,000 in favor of Mr. Morelli. It is so ordered.

[00:22:23]>> [applause] >> Thank you, Your Honor.

[00:22:28]>> Being married won't make you whole or happy if you don't know who you are inside for yourself. [music] All that will do is put your problems in somebody else's household.

[00:22:39]>> You guys, I agree with judge on this one because it's actually crazy to me that she thinks that just because this dude didn't make enough money and [music] got she got mad at him sometimes that this is the root of all of her problems.

[00:22:55][music] Honey, you literally took all of your problems, packaged them up, and then threw them into the back of the truck >> [music] >> and brought them straight to the gas station and force-fed them to this man.

[00:23:10]You talk about your religion and all that and how it it impacts you and how you feel about yourself and your lifestyle choices, but you know what also is part of your religion is that you don't treat others this way. You don't take their father's urn and smash it on the ground out of anger towards them. You have love and compassion for other people.

[00:23:32]I mean, this dude was willing to work with you [music] and talk to you and speak with you and be with you through this this interesting, you know, dynamic that you were basically [music] forcing on to him. I feel like she needs a lot of therapy and she needs to realize that her issues will not get solved until she deals with them herself. Not a single person is going to be able to fix them for her. She can't go and date to avoid the problem because those issues are going to boil up and I'll tell you they're going to boil up whether she's with a man or woman because she has a lot of deep-rooted problems within herself [music] that she's really trying to avoid. So, you guys, I want to know your thoughts on this. [music] Do you think that he has some responsibility because he knew and he still engaged with her or do you think this is fully on her for basically putting him through this? I want to know your thoughts. Let me know in the comments down below.