Jimmy's Cutthroat Shutdown of "Professional" Psychic - Detroit, Michigan

Añadido: 2026-05-19

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[00:00:27]Sprite is a registered trademark of the Coca-Cola  Company. Oh, hello. I'm Jimmy Carr. This is Jimmy Carr Crowdwork, where Jimmy Carr does crowd work.  I mean, it's kind of obvious. Uh, this is me in Detroit, um, talking to a professional psychic.  Yeah, there'll always be greedy charlatans. Enjoy.

[00:00:44]It's a beautiful sunny day and the [ __ ] the  city's looking wonderful, isn't it? You've you've had a [ __ ] makeover. She's full of [ __ ]  hipsters and good coffee now. What's going on?

[00:00:58]What happens? Gentrification. Gentrification. Yes.

[00:01:05][laughter] I know. I know. Sometimes there's  a negative connotation to gentrification, but I came to Detroit before gentrification  and I'd say you've had an upgrade.

[00:01:14][applause] [cheering] Way to be late to your own show. Why was I  late to my own show? Wait. Way to be late.

[00:01:28]I was like, we started what,  15 minutes late. It's the Where do you need to [ __ ] be, sir?  Look at you. And look, [cheering] you're wearing a peach shirt, sir.

[00:01:44]Where do you need to be? I know you need to have  a big conversation with your girl. [laughter] But I imagine you've been avoiding  that for some years. [laughter] I imagine you found that shirt sir, right  in the back of the closet you live in.

[00:02:05][cheering] [applause] It's quiet.

[00:02:12]Where does the start?

[00:02:17]Uh sir, I don't think you can do that accent.

[00:02:25]I'm not sure if that's okay in this day and age.

[00:02:31]I think even if you're Indian, that  seems a stretch too far. That really The Simpsons had to cut that  whole character. No one. Please be reasonable. Why haven't you been  deported? Why haven't I been deported?

[00:02:50][laughter] from here because I have proof of extraordinary  talent. [cheering] That's [applause] that's literally what it says on  my visa. [laughter] [screaming] It's It's like even even I  thought I mean I do jokes.

[00:03:17]Why does my man go limp in the middle of Why does your man go limp in the middle  of sex? Does he turn the lights on, love?

[00:03:31][cheering] No, no offense to you, but you're what  dimmer switches were invented for.

[00:03:43]Have you noticed the dimmer switch is only in the  bedroom? Really? It's just as the years go by.

[00:03:54]Huh? What happens when your man  married 14 years younger than him?

[00:04:04]What? Sorry. What happened when your man  married 14 years younger and still your your your husband's you're saying 14 years your  senior? Yes. Okay. I can't fix your daddy issues in this forum.

[00:04:19]I I don't know. Hello, sir. [laughter] I noticed you've solved for youth  and beauty, not for personality.

[00:04:38]I imagine you're regretting your choice right now.

[00:04:45][laughter] Jimmy, I am thinking of proposing to  my girlfriend soon. Any recommendations on what I should or shouldn't  do. Where's Where's this guy?

[00:04:57]Is this you? Yes. Hi, sir. How long have you  been with this girl? Three years. Three years.

[00:05:06]What's the What's was the rush? I just want to You just want You want to propose to her? Yeah.  Okay. And is she all right with your sexuality?

[00:05:20]Feels like you just want a big  day, don't you, sweetheart?

[00:05:27]I just want it to be special.

[00:05:30]What? I'm his father. You're his father?  So, [laughter] so you you've always known.

[00:05:38]Sure. Sure. [applause] Well, this is kind  of a nice way for him to tell you. Much much nicer than you walking in going, "Yes,  that is come on my mustache." [laughter] So, you've been with this girl through What do  you do for a living, my friend? Uh, a physician assistant. A physician's assistant. I don't know  what we're clapping for. He's a nurse. [laughter] Are you trapped down a well? [laughter] The [ __ ]  was that noise? What? What do you mean a physic?

[00:06:15]Do you mean like the personal assistant for a  doctor? No, I I I treat patients. I just work underneath the doctor. You treat patients, but  you're underneath a doctor. I bet you are. Yeah.

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[00:07:29]Also, there's a guy there in a salmon  shirt that wants his dick sucked. May [applause] he just went, I can help with that.

[00:07:44]Ah, God love you. All right, what else  we got? Toughest gig. Toughest gig.

[00:07:48]I don't think there are any tough gigs cuz I think  this is here's the thing, right? I'm a comedian, so I'm here to serve the audience, right? I'm an  entertainer. It's the thing with entertainers.

[00:07:58]If you don't love me, I don't love me.  Right? That's the curse of the entertainer.

[00:08:02]If a gig goes badly, if you have a really  tough gig, right? Artists don't give a [ __ ] what other people think of their work.  So, if it's a good gig, I'm an entertainer.

[00:08:12]If it's a bad gig, I actually give  myself a promotion. I'm an artist.

[00:08:21][applause] If I have a bad gig, I walk away  going, "They just didn't understand."

[00:08:28]And then a bit of me goes, "Well,  [ __ ] write some more jokes." Um, I can't help but notice, sir, you've  got an eye patch. Is that it? I mean, I don't know what the Okay. A [laughter] you got a [ __ ] eye patch. Leave me alone.

[00:08:55]Shiver me timbers. How are you? No. What? What  happened, man? What is there a story? Torn retina.

[00:09:02]Just a torn retina. Are you having it fixed then?  Are you all I've had? You've had five surgeries.

[00:09:07][ __ ] go to a professional.  It's not messed about.

[00:09:14]Where are you going? CVS. Just let  the pharmacist have a look at it.

[00:09:20]What do you do for a living, my friend? Right  now, nothing. You were a truck driver. Well, that's [ __ ] That's a [ __ ] tough station,  my friend. Yeah. How are you coping with that?

[00:09:33]You all right? Yeah. Better half, man.  Well, I really wish you well. That's a [ __ ] That's a very tough thing. I think we  all do. Yeah. It's [applause] It's hard, man.

[00:09:45]I mean, he's misses is [ __ ] stunning. It's so You're doing all right. I'm a professional  psychic in the crowd. I tuned into your energy.

[00:10:02]Planes, sleep, pillows, convos. You are bored with  the most random thing. Asparagus and cream. Lol.

[00:10:12]Have you eaten that recently? Like pickled  asparagus, sour cream? Let me know. [laughter] Where's Where's the professional  psychic? Where are you?

[00:10:23]Where? Where? Hi. Go. Let's turn  the lights. Let's have a look.

[00:10:33]Hello. And what what what first attracted  you to the greedy charlatan business?

[00:10:43]extracting money from the recently bereaveved for [ __ ] You're not. You're  a psychic. No, you're not.

[00:10:59][applause] And do you know how I know that? No one is.

[00:11:06]There's actually an easy way to tell  if your house is haunted. It isn't.

[00:11:13]At best, you're schizophrenic.

[00:11:22]Oh, God. Love you. Very nice to have you here,  though. What? Sorry. Did you eat asparagus? No, I haven't had asparagus. What happened tonight?  See what happens tonight. What if I eat asparagus?

[00:11:36]I don't think it counts as a prediction.  if you suggest it. [applause] [applause] Traditionally, of course, the first day of the  year to eat asparagus is Shakespeare's birthday, which may be the fanciest thing I've ever said.

[00:12:01]Um, well, look, while we've got you here, why is  his dick going limp halfway through [ __ ] [cheering] [applause] And I can tell you, I'm not a professional  psychic, but I tell you, it's not lack of titty.

[00:12:28]Jesus. Uh, all right.

[00:12:32]Full disclosure, if you mention my name when  you buy gold at the Pure Gold Company, they will give me a tiny bit more gold. That's how this all  works. I wouldn't lie to you, just being honest.

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[00:13:01]Mention my name when you speak to them and you'll  get six months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free. Yeah, I'm very good to you.  I honestly think going to see live comedy is the best thing you can do with an  evening. It's an excuse to see mates, have a few drinks, you'll be  supporting a local theater, and you'll have a great laugh. Also, it's  made me filthy rich. Like really rich. So, click the link below and uh buy tickets to  come and see me live because I like being rich.