A Viewer Awakens!

Added: 2026-05-11

[00:00:00]The illusion of the separate self or the separate self filter can be subtle.

[00:00:08]It can be um camouflaged.

[00:00:15]And it and I think the best way to say this is thought is the camouflage.

[00:00:22]Because we're used to looking at the world through a a layer of thought or through more than one layer of thought, let's say.

[00:00:28]But we're looking through these perceptual filters.

[00:00:32]And because we're looking through these perceptual filters we keep taking reality to be the the filters themselves. The filters you could say like color the experience.

[00:00:44]Just to put it in an analogy.

[00:00:46]It's as if you're looking at the world or what's out there through this filter that makes it look like space, time, separation form.

[00:00:58]But that's all in the filter itself.

[00:01:01]It doesn't mean there's nothing out there.

[00:01:03]But what's out there does not look like the filter. What's out there does not have the qualities of that filter. So the the fact that we're looking through a filter frequently with these beliefs in separation and in isolation that that they're not just beliefs either. They they happen so frequently and so thoroughly with these filters that it it creates or accumulates this kind of felt sense of not being okay or of being separate or being isolated.

[00:01:35]And it's so commonplace in humans this feeling of isolation that it's deemed normal.

[00:01:42]So um the another way of saying that is the vast majority of people walking around in this world feel a deep sense of isolation, but it's so common and so normal that they don't realize it as such.

[00:01:58]Even in relationship even when you're close to someone, even when you feel emotionally taken care of and and secure there can be this gnawing underlying sense of separation that is because of those filters, because of the way we are perceiving reality through this veil.

[00:02:18]Now I started the video by talking about this subtle self sense.

[00:02:24]Um this [clears throat] sense of separate self.

[00:02:27]That sense of separate self um when we talk about it, I'm not understand I'm not making a metaphysical claim. I'm not saying there's a self or there's not a self or the self doesn't exist. If you start to conceptualize it that way, it just gets confusing. Rather what I'm talking about is a filter that feels like a self but it actually isn't.

[00:02:51]It feels like a separate one, but it actually isn't.

[00:02:55]It makes separation appear as if it's the case when it actually isn't.

[00:03:00]So this isn't like eradicating yourself from some self, right? From some thing called the self.

[00:03:07]>> [snorts] >> It's not like that. It's it's really that there's a filter operating and it's it's kind of a foundation on which other filters are built that make reality look a certain way and then make you feel a certain way in reference to that reality, reality divided up into separation, subject, objects and so forth.

[00:03:28]We could say one primary filter is this sense of there's a subject and then objects. Subject just being you or the feeling of here the feeling of I and objects being everything else.

[00:03:40]And you can see how looking through that kind of a filter it's going to make us feel isolated. There's there's no way around that.

[00:03:46]So when I talk about the subtle self sense, when I talk about that that self filter I'm talking about the the scaffolding for these other filters like subject and object and so forth.

[00:03:58]So what I really wanted to point out to you in this video is if you want to know what it is if you want to I I mentioned it it's camouflaged. It camouflages itself through thought and through through perception.

[00:04:13]But if you want to start to recognize it as such, that's definitely possible.

[00:04:17]It's possible to do it.

[00:04:19]Um when we talk about awakening, when we talk about kensho awakening or this first shift in identity the shift um in the functioning of consciousness which is pretty remarkable when it happens.

[00:04:34]Um and it's the beginning of this unfolding of what we call the spiritual uh awakening, the spiritual process, the unbinding process.

[00:04:46]But that's that's just sort of the beginning of it. Um with that shift, however you have much more ability to recognize a filter as a filter.

[00:04:59]So you start to recognize the more superficial filters first. Conceptual filters.

[00:05:05]Beliefs about me define me somehow.

[00:05:07]These beliefs I've accumulated that I have this past and that past and this quality and that quality and I'm going here and I like this and I don't like that and I'm this age and this gender and I have these problems. Those are thoughts. Those are thought filters. So we see through those with this first awakening. But then we start to engage the deeper filters that are more um camouflaged. They're more insidious.

[00:05:32]And as we do that we have more and more chance to start to really let's say confront that subtle self sense.

[00:05:40]So what does that look like or what does it feel like or how does it appear in your experience?

[00:05:45]Uh from here on I'm really just going to try to point directly to your experience or point in such a way that you can look into your experience as I speak and see if you resonate with what I say.

[00:05:57]So I have a couple pointers about how to listen to this. One is if you're analyzing what I'm saying that's that's not the point.

[00:06:04]You might as well just turn the video off. If you're if you're going to think, you know, oh is it this? Is it that? Is he talking about the poly canon? Is he talking about Buddhism or Advaita Vedanta or does that match up with this map? If your mind is just doing that kind of stuff you know, I don't mean just turn the video off, but my point is that's really not what I'm talking about. I'm I'm encouraging you to look into your own experience right now.

[00:06:25]And even into encouraging you to look into your experience as you move through the day remembering these pointers I'm going to give.

[00:06:32]So this is about direct looking. So that's number one. Number two, understand I call it the subtle self sense because it's subtle. It is subtle.

[00:06:41]It's so subtle that without that first awakening you'll you'll never see it as such almost ever. Maybe with a really good dose of psychedelics or something you might momentarily recognize it, but the implications and the the ability to to see it without altering your sensorium and so forth is is still minimal if anything.

[00:07:04]Uh so yeah, and and things like ego death or yeah, like ego death or ego dissolution experiences say with psychedelics, that's not the same thing as what I'm talking about. That can happen and the subtle self sense is completely intact and you never saw it as such. So so understand it is subtle.

[00:07:22]Um but one way of approaching this and here's the the point I want to make about subtlety is to just slow down.

[00:07:39]Slow down your process.

[00:07:43]Widen the aperture of attention.

[00:07:48]Meaning meaning if it feels like it's narrowly focused on a like one thought just widen it open.

[00:07:54]So it's kind of picking up more.

[00:07:56]It's almost like if you're listening to a a uh recording and whatever you're listening to is very quiet and you you have to turn that gain knob up or the volume knob up and you start hearing the hiss in the background and you start hearing background sounds and subtle things and you're listening really closely.

[00:08:14]It's something like that with all of your senses.

[00:08:18]With all of consciousness, all of your senses just opening the aperture so you're just much more receptive.

[00:08:27]It's more like gathering than hunting.

[00:08:30]It's more like openness than focus.

[00:08:34]It's more like receptivity than determination.

[00:08:41]That's going to help increase the chance you start to see this subtle self sense and then see when it's not there and see when it is there and see when it's not there.

[00:08:50]Meaning start to see the edges of it and that's how this works.

[00:08:53]So relax.

[00:08:58]Open that aperture.

[00:09:02]Bring in a little curiosity.

[00:09:05]But as I said before, not intellectual curiosity.

[00:09:08]You don't want to be wondering about this or trying to map it or comparing it to other ideas or topics.

[00:09:14]If you're doing that >> [clears throat] >> it's okay, but you're you're at a much more superficial layer of filtering doing that.

[00:09:22]But if you open the aperture, if you calm down, you slow down it's almost like everything kind of comes alive.

[00:09:31]>> [snorts] >> Sounds become a little more crisp.

[00:09:39]The visual field may start to feel a little more more depth like coming through you.

[00:09:51]It's not just in front as an array, but more like closing the gap between where the looker is and where the where what is being seen is the scenery.

[00:10:04]Where the sense of looking in the in that that which is viewed are kind of swimming together now.

[00:10:13]Sensations might be much more noticeable in the body.

[00:10:19]You may be able to notice sensations in various areas of the body simultaneously.

[00:10:29]You may be able to notice the mind gets quiet.

[00:10:33]Or if there are thoughts, you're very aware of the thoughts as such.

[00:10:41]That receptivity, that openness of aperture is not filtering so much.

[00:10:48]In fact, it may not be filtering much at all right now.

[00:10:52]That's that kind of openness and receptivity.

[00:10:57]So that first step you can practice that anytime without any other goal.

[00:11:06]Practice sitting that way.

[00:11:09]Practice walking that way.

[00:11:12]When doing tasks that don't require a lot of concentration or thought, just follow these steps I laid out and feel it. Notice it, hear it, see it.

[00:11:23]Turn that volume knob up to hear that quiet background hiss.

[00:11:30]The hum of the universe.

[00:11:34]Now, this next part >> [clears throat] >> may be something you notice right away and it may not.

[00:11:43]But if you stay with this kind of curiosity, with this openness um and receptivity and you keep revisiting this throughout the day.

[00:11:55]And I mean this. Like it's not just while you're meditating or listening to a YouTube video.

[00:12:00]But if you remind yourself throughout the day to pick this back up and just check in.

[00:12:08]There's a very subtle quality that let me say it a different way. It's not that the quality is subtle, but it sneaks in in a subtle way.

[00:12:22]It comes on without announcing itself. You just kind of find yourself in it.

[00:12:29]And this quality feels something like two things at the same time or two things alternating. One is a little bit of dissatisfaction.

[00:12:39]Something that just feels a little unsettled or like not okay.

[00:12:45]Or like I'm not okay.

[00:12:50]This could be intense, too. For some people this is intense certainly at first. There's a lot of shame. There if there's trauma that hasn't really been addressed.

[00:12:57]But as you've done that work, as you do more and more of that shadow work and start to integrate and settle, then it it doesn't feel so much like intensity or massive need to distract or reactivity or thoughts like I'm going to die, like the really intense stuff.

[00:13:15]It's it's not it's not so much that anymore.

[00:13:18]But the underlying feel feeling tone is still the same and that is just a sense that not okay.

[00:13:26]Something's not quite right.

[00:13:30]And that's almost immediately followed by some kind of sense of I need to do something about it.

[00:13:36]Maybe, depending on your conditioning, it may be something like I can't do anything about it, so I need to find someone else who can or something.

[00:13:45]Or I need to figure out a solution. I need to something or something needs to something needs to change. Something needs to be different.

[00:13:53]So those two impressions, those two which are ultimately thoughts if you really look closely, but they don't feel like thoughts. They feel like who you are. They feel like the self.

[00:14:04]Uh again, this kind of a bit of a restless sense that this isn't okay.

[00:14:10]Things aren't okay.

[00:14:12]And it doesn't necessarily come and go in seconds or moment to moment, but it can.

[00:14:18]But often it'll stick around for a while. You might feel it for a day or two.

[00:14:23]Maybe not super intense and continuous.

[00:14:26]But for you know, there may be a day or two or you know, several hours in one day where there's just kind of this blanket sense of not okay. Something's off. Something's wrong.

[00:14:36]You might call that suffering, dukkha.

[00:14:39]Maybe at this stage of things more like the remnants of suffering where it's not so acute, but it's noticeable that something's different, that it's not always there.

[00:14:48]Um now, what's interesting is at this stage of realization, often in the deeper stages of realization, this funny thing happens where we start to experience non-continuity. So non-continuity makes everything feel like it's always here.

[00:15:00]So when you feel this sense of not okay or something needs to be done, any thoughts about it are going to be quite distorted and they're going to be they're going to they're going to amplify the feeling of not okay. So it'll feel like, why am I always like this? It's always like this. I'm going backwards. It's getting worse. I haven't I haven't got anywhere with all this realization. Nothing's changed. Like if you if you entertain thoughts here, they'll make it sound and feel so much worse.

[00:15:27]But it the reason is non-continuity.

[00:15:29]Non-continuity meaning you can't really imagine another moment cuz there is no other moment, right? Or trying to imagine another moment is very distorting because you can only use thoughts to do it. So rather, it feels like all encompassing.

[00:15:42]So when there's this subtle sense [clears throat] that it's not okay.

[00:15:46]Things aren't okay right now. I'm not okay right now. I need to fix it. Needs to be fixed.

[00:15:51]Um what do I need to do? Do I do I need to do some psychedelics? Do I need to talk to somebody? I need a therapist? Should I do trauma work? Should I inquire?

[00:15:57]Should I meditate?

[00:15:59]Should I distract myself? Should I go watch a movie? Should I eat? Should I you know, whatever.

[00:16:06]That's that's again a little bit downstream from the sense of something needs to be done here.

[00:16:11]Um but underneath it again it's just this pretty basic sense that not okay.

[00:16:19]Um that's part of it. That's half of it.

[00:16:23]The other half of it is actually downstream, but it doesn't necessarily feel downstream because sometimes this other half the other thing that comes with this actually feels hopeful. It actually feels good in a sort of way.

[00:16:37]But it's a it's a it's dissociative and that is a sense of seeking in in what you're what in a some kind of activity, whether it's a mental activity or a physical activity. It's a kind of seeking and it's a sense of satisfaction tainted with control.

[00:17:06]So at its worst it's an addiction. At its worst it's a like a really bad habit.

[00:17:11]Even a self-destructive habit, but there's something about it that's soothing. Yeah, there's a soothing aspect to it. Yeah, that's what I want to say. It's it's seeking it's a kind of seeking soothing, but it's laced with control.

[00:17:23]And in the background there's a feeling of being out of control, right? That's actually the reaction to the first part that I was talking about, the sense that things are not okay and the sense I need to do something about it. But once you're in it's almost like you kind of hypnotize yourself or the conditioning hypnotizes you into this feeling of like, oh I'm going to get something. Now I'm on the road to getting something. I'm on the road to pacification. I'm on the road to feeling better.

[00:17:46]But if you really check in with yourself, you know that there's a little bit of dissociation going on. There is some seeking going on. There's the illusion of control there.

[00:17:54]You're not deeply There that's the that's the functioning of the self. So that is the self filter and that's usually how it feels at deeper levels. And again, these are can be rather subtle. They can they can also show up as things you just do all the time anyway. Normal things you do that are dissociative to some degree that you didn't realize before and now you're realizing they are. And it can be very mundane things. Reading, like you know, obsessively reading or listening to podcasts or um endless conversations with people or gossip or anything. It can really be anything. That doesn't mean that any of these activities are by nature dissociative really or that any I mean some activities I guess are pretty fundamentally dissociative, but many activities can be dissociative.

[00:18:43]But they can also be experienced without the filter of self where there's just this pure experience of flow, pure experience of spontaneity, non-duality.

[00:18:53]Not two.

[00:18:55]Intimacy.

[00:18:56]Clarity.

[00:18:57]So what you start to notice is that anything, any circumstance, any moment, any activity can be experienced through the filter and can be experienced without the filter.

[00:19:09]And you'll notice the filter is not always there.

[00:19:13]The key though to this is to see when you're experiencing one of those two giveaways.

[00:19:20]The sense that it's not okay and that I need to do something about it. That's before it turns into behavior essentially. And then the behavior which is somewhat dissociative.

[00:19:30]Seeking behavior, a pacifying behavior, a soothing behavior.

[00:19:37]And again, it when I say soothing, it's okay to soothe and there is soothing that can happen that's non-self based.

[00:19:44]But this kind of soothing is it's it's an after the fact.

[00:19:49]It's there it's a there's a foregone conclusion that I need to do this to feel okay because I fundamentally don't feel okay.

[00:19:57]So so it's a it's that little fracture of consciousness that allows itself to become slightly unconscious.

[00:20:06]And activities can be um the nidus for it, if that makes sense.

[00:20:16]Um yeah, I don't want to say much more because I the more you complicate this, the weirder it gets or the harder it gets to see it. But if you just leave it at that and notice that there are times when you're doing you know, maybe you're exercising, maybe you're whatever you whatever you're doing and there's times when it's if there's a feeling of using that activity to seek using the activity to seek some kind of pacification.

[00:20:43]Um and and and this this feeling of the self that's doing it that needs the self that needs the self that's reacting to that fundamental sense of not okay-ness. It's really that it's it's kind of the sense of agency coming forth as pacification.

[00:21:00]And then you can see that the same exact activity other times whether again you're exercising or whatever it is you're doing, all of a sudden it's like oh no, now it's just totally spontaneous.

[00:21:10]There's no sense of using this to feel better.

[00:21:13]So noticing that contrast is really really helpful.

[00:21:19]If this is too subtle or it puts you in your head, don't worry about it. It will at some point it will become clearer and it'll be easier to approach this.

[00:21:26]But I've interacted with a handful of people in the last maybe 2 weeks who are going through this at various stages of this and in various ways.

[00:21:38]And yeah, I'm just noticing it now. It's like yeah, that's that's how it is. It's it's the let's sometimes it helps to personify like the ego. It's it's sneaky trick is that it slips in unnoticed. It slips in behind the scenes unnoticed and by that time it already feels like you. Feels like your choice. Feels like your your satisfaction with this slightly dissociative activity that's convincing you that you're going to get to pacification somehow.

[00:22:09]Even though you know it doesn't lead you there because it never does. Yeah? So the self structure that's that's operating here it's it's it's tainted it's tainting your experience in such a way that it makes it feel like you're going to escape from something.

[00:22:25]Or you're going to arrive at something which is like escape look looking at escape through a mirror or something and it's confusing.

[00:22:32]It's why seeking is so confusing cuz you don't realize you're running away from something. But at this stage you will see it.

[00:22:37]So that's it and just notice that contrast.

[00:22:40]Just noticing the contrast and then to the degree you can, don't react. Don't pacify.

[00:22:45]Don't soothe in a way that feels dissociative.

[00:22:49]Just kind of stop.

[00:22:52]And notice you don't have to. You don't have to do anything.

[00:22:56]You don't have to do anything to satisfy that the the the uncomfortable self.

[00:23:03]You don't you can't. You can't do anything to change reality.

[00:23:06]But that's what the that's what that filter makes it look like. You're going to change something so that I feel okay. But the I that needs to feel okay and the sense of having to change something to fix that I, all of that is all the filter. It's all part of the filter.

[00:23:19]Without the filter there's nothing to fix. Nothing's broken. Everything's what it is. Some things are uncomfortable.

[00:23:23]Some things are comfortable. But there's no seeking involved in that. There's no control like that rises up.