This 1930 comedy film 'Half Shot At Sunrise' starring Bert Wheeler and Robert Woolsey humorously depicts two American soldiers who go absent without leave (AWOL) during World War I in Paris, impersonating officers and causing chaos, while their father Colonel Marshall and military police pursue them, illustrating the consequences of military discipline violations and the comedic challenges of maintaining order during wartime.
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Half Shot At Sunrise (1930)Added:
Quickly, quickly. Settle down.
Heat. Heat.
Heat.
Heat.
Colonel Marshall, I want to impress upon you again the vital importance of getting those plans to me immediately.
The success or failure of the entire drive depends upon them. You understand?
>> Yes, sir.
>> Marshall or my plan?
>> Excuse me, General. It may be personal.
What is it, Lord? Uh, >> yes, sir. No, sir. That is to say, sir.
Will, it's a memorandum on sharpshooting.
>> Oh, Colon Marshall, remember, I shall hold you personally responsible for those plans.
>> Yes, sir.
>> My cult.
>> Yes, sir.
Alga's crazy. I've never given her the slightest encouragement. She runs me ragged.
>> The military police sergeant is sent for, sir. Send them in.
Well, have you caught those two men? No, sir. You see, it's this way. I don't care which way it is. Those men are Aw, absent without leave from their outfit for 10 days, running around Paris as if there were a picnic instead of a wall, impersonating officers, flirting with congressman's wives. Last night, one of them had an engagement to a lope with the Russian ambassador's mother-in-law and didn't keep the engagement.
The Russian ambassador is very angry.
Now, I want those two men captured and brought to me personally. I'll see that they go to jail for life.
Here's a photograph of them.
>> Now, you go out and get those men.
>> Yes, sir.
>> Was the old man sore? Now he gave me the quad again a kiss on both cheeks for not catching them AWL guys.
>> Well, how you going to catch them? I ain't never even seen them.
>> The old man just gave me a photograph of >> photograph. There ain't no photograph on here.
Can you beat those guys? They got away again. If ever I catch them, I'll bring them in piece for peace. Me too.
>> Come on, soldier. We got work to do.
Now, >> what's the idea? What's the idea? Come, come, boys. Let's have an accounting.
Let's have an accounting.
>> Why, we're just talking to some girlfriends.
>> Did you hear that, Thomas? Let's see your passes, man.
>> Come, come. More alert, men. More alert.
>> Look them over, Thomas. Then report to me.
>> Why, it's a clear infraction of rule six, section 4, apartment three, the people versus John Doe. H just as I thought. Just as I thought. I'm surprised at you men acting thusly toward those whom you have sworn to love, honor, and >> Oh, baby.
>> But we haven't done anything.
>> That's enough, soldiers. No butts. On your way, or we'll render you horses decombats.
>> Yes. Scrammy. Scrammy.
>> But sir, you can't.
Every time I make a danger cherries viva boom >> Lafayette we're there.
We're all set.
Make way for five, charming people.
>> Something tells me we're going to nail those guys.
>> Me, too.
>> Where's your armband?
>> I don't know.
>> What a swell MP you turned out to be.
Here we are looking for a couple of guys that have turned Paris upside down and you lose your armband. Yeah, but where's yours?
>> Well, what?
>> Say, something tells me we almost had those guys.
>> Me, too.
>> Come on, soldier. We'll get him yet.
>> Say, now that you brought that up, I want to ask you something.
What did she say?
>> She said no. Come on.
boy.
>> Hey, Tommy, I'm getting a little tired of being an MP.
>> So am I.
These things are no good anyway.
>> Sometimes they make good handkerch mop perspiration. Oh, you're off again, >> Gilbert. What about promoting ourselves?
>> Splendid idea.
>> Let's be lieutenants.
>> Just the thing. After what we saw, we deserve it, >> Tommy.
>> Yeah.
>> How would you like to be a general?
>> Not me. There's no chance for promotion.
>> Here we are.
>> Isn't it wonderful the future one has in the army?
>> You start at the bottom and go over the top. Now, where are my lieutenants? Here they are. Now stand still, boy. Stand still.
Now there's a rank. In fact, very rank.
>> How you do?
>> How'd you do?
>> They won't give us a tumble. He must be big game. They may be big game to some people, but they're just animal crackers to me.
>> Well, now Gilbert, you can't tell. Maybe they don't want to be seen with lieutenants.
>> All right, then we'll be captains.
You know, Gilbert, those girls showed very good sense. They don't like second lieutenants. All right, you stand still and shave tail while I make you a captain.
>> You won't make me a captain. You'll make me a major. You know, the higher we go, the harder they'll fall.
>> A major? Certainly. Where do I keep my majors? Ah, here they are. Majors.
Nope. Those are rear admirals.
Here's the majors. Now, as Adam said to Eve, pick yourself a couple of leaves.
>> Say Gilbert.
If that little dark one don't go for this, she ain't human.
>> I've got a sneak idea that the one in the floppy hat likes aviators.
>> Great. We'll make a few fly remarks.
>> Splendid. Splendid. Major. Would you like some decorations?
>> Well, look now. Nothing tantalizing.
Just a DSC and a quadigar.
>> A DSC and a croy. Certainly. Certainly.
Hold still. There, boy. You look like a million dollars. I may look like a million dollars, but I'm going to be much easier to make beaver sw up and all that sort of jolly nonsense.
I uh I can't recall your name, but I've forgotten your face.
My my my. That hat certainly has a marvelous wing spread.
I uh I bet you take off easily.
>> Major, have you noticed that the large picture hats are coming back?
>> Yes. Yes. You know, bit by bit, our women are losing their manhood.
>> Yes, I've noticed that.
>> I bet the face beneath the brim is just as lovely as the decorations. And what decorations? Ah, lovely. M.
If we only had a little cream and sugar.
Major, will you have an apple?
>> Thank you, Captain.
>> I'm glad watermelons are not in season.
How do you do?
>> Miss, you are making a bad mistake.
>> You may be bad, but you're no mistake.
Well put, Captain.
>> You are very droll, miss.
>> Oh, yes. Yes. I just droll around from place to place.
>> Oh, doesn't he say the cutest things?
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. How lovely war we're having.
>> Well, you certainly clean that one up.
What you say? I like very much.
>> Oh, I wonder what I said.
>> You are distinguished, Ato.
>> Well, uh, I don't think so. But then, what's my opinion compared to thousands of others? Move over, will you, honey?
Thank you.
>> Uh, do you kiss soldiers? Ah, that is my business.
>> How's business?
>> Miss, why do you take up aviation?
>> Oh, let me see. Why did I take a back?
Oh, I have it out. Yeah, they told me I was no good on Earth.
>> He's off again, Papa.
>> No, tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm going to make a parachute leap.
>> Oh, a parachute leap.
>> Yeah.
>> I want to show General Persing what's in me.
>> Oh, will you stop?
>> Oh, God.
fiction.
>> Yes. Yes. You know, you know I'm very fond of France. I love dear old France.
You know what I like about France? I love to hear the French peasants singing the mayonnaise.
>> Oh, the camels are coming.
>> The camels are coming.
There's a little scotch in the major.
>> A little ginger ale, too. I in the back. In the back.
Major major. What is this?
>> Just don't pay any attention to the major. He sometimes thinks he's an Arendale.
>> Pack of cake. Hack of cake.
>> My mistake. Pean way.
>> As I was relating, when I arrived in Paris, little did I realize what this moment held in store for me. But now I know.
Yes, now I know.
Well, fellow.
All right, major. You can come up.
My goodness. The major has been promoted. He is now a brigadier general.
Uh, ladies, pardon me, ladies. May I introduce major operation of the hospital corpse?
>> Major and I, ladies, I am Colonel Simpkins.
>> Colonel Simpkins?
>> Uh, Captain Simpkins? I can understand your mistake.
>> You know, if those two birds wasn't officers, I'd think they were the guys we're after.
>> Officers or no officers? I still think they're the guys we're after.
>> Me, too.
Can you keep a secret if she helps you?
>> Oh, sure.
>> Well, uh, we're in a secret service.
Yes.
>> Yes. You see, there's so many spies around. You know, German spies, Austrian spies, Bulgarian spies, >> and Eskimo spies.
>> Comical. Comical. Very comical.
>> Oh, do you know Colonel Marshall?
>> Do we know Colonel?
>> Isn't she the sill?
>> Say, do you know that Colonel Marshall thinks so much of us that he gives our photographs to every soldier under his command? Yeah. Uh-huh.
>> Especially the MP.
>> Well, he's a very good friend of mine.
He comes here to this restaurant every day.
>> Here.
>> Yes.
>> Well, well, well. So long, girls.
>> Yeah. We'll see you around, girls.
>> Oh, but must you really go so soon?
>> Yes. You see, Waterman is drilling a new ink well, and we've got to look it over.
>> Hey.
Hey. You hear that? Hey. Hey. Hey, take it to the quarterm's apartment. Hey, >> how dare you interfere with officers at exercise?
>> Well, we wasn't sure.
>> Did you hear that, major? He wasn't sure.
>> Oh, dear me. Oh, my oh my. Oh my. Not to be sure is the greatest offense in the army.
>> Yes.
>> Let the punishment fit the crime. I must think, major. I must think.
>> Don't strain yourself now, Captain.
>> Oh, I hate to be in such a state. You know my nasty nerves. Let me see.
What will I do?
Aha.
I'll be an hour lunching. Get yours.
>> Yes, sir.
>> Colonel Marshall.
>> Oh, hello, Balga.
>> Strange that I always meet you here.
>> Always. I'm here waiting for you to be nice to me.
>> I can't be nice. I'm married.
>> Oh, but can't you be just a little bit nice? Huh?
>> Now, all go.
>> I don't want to be rude, but if I am nice, you send me perfume love letters that will ruin me. You've got to stop it, you understand. And what's more, what do you mean by sending your love notes in official United States Army envelopes?
>> Because if I do not send them in official United States Army envelopes, you do not open my letters.
>> Yes, but don't you know that's a serious offense?
>> What? Not opening my letters?
>> No. No. Sending them in official envelopes.
>> Oh, but can I help it that you are so magnificent? Oh, brav. Do not scold po.
You are always so cold.
>> Hot or cold, you've got to stop sending those letters.
>> America, they are so snappy.
So, >> well, of course, when it comes to that, you know these military men to >> take me to lunchon.
>> I can't take you to lunchon.
>> Why not?
>> My wife is waiting for me.
>> You might introduce me to your wife.
>> Yes, I might. But I won't. See you later.
>> Well, we had him again.
>> Yeah.
>> Say, listen. When I do get hold of them, I'm going to knock them so cold they'll keep for years.
>> Me, too.
Hey, >> hey.
Let me go. Let me go or I'll bust you in a beat.
>> You'll bust who in what beat?
>> A then there is a Santa Claus.
>> Snap-up, soldier. What outfit?
>> Detail of 2 A W.
>> Well, you better not let my dad catch you.
>> Ah, >> who's your dad?
>> Colonel Marshall. Are you sure?
>> What?
>> I mean, uh, I mean, you know, you flatter him.
>> Oh, have you ever met my dad?
>> No, but uh, he's trying to meet me.
>> I'll fix it.
>> No, no, don't do me any favors.
Say, you know, when I first saw you, I I I thought you were a little French girl.
>> Honest?
>> Yeah.
>> Hot dogs. That's my repressed desire.
Hey, >> why >> do you think I could fascinate them?
>> Fascinate them? Honey, you could mutilate them.
>> Oh, Jambo Kool-A.
They are so handsome, so snappy. Oh.
>> Oh, it's a good thing I've been vaccinated.
Say, honey, I want to ask you something.
It might sound a little personal. You know what? First, >> what is it?
>> Do you love me?
>> Well, you'll have to give me a little time.
>> Well, you better make up your mind. It's 2:30 now. You know this Paris is a fast place.
>> Gee, isn't Paris a grand place to live in?
>> Do you Do you live in Paris?
>> Uh-huh.
>> Then Paris is a grand place to live in.
>> Say >> what?
>> Are you married?
>> No, I just naturally look worried. Well, I think it's a shame to send cute little fells like you to the front.
>> That's what I said. But you can't tell these generals anything.
>> I think it's wonderful us happening to meet this way.
>> Gee, and I think it's wonderful to meet a girl who's beautiful enough to be dumb and doesn't take advantage of it.
When you are on duty, marching all around, >> I shall hear you passing by my door.
>> Precious little beauty, you'll be safe and sound, guarded as you never were before.
When you put them die away, maybe I'll get blue.
Let my eyes cry away. Tell me what to do.
When you get blue, just whistle for me, dear.
I'll promise you I will never fail to hear.
Then I'll pretend it's just a little bird.
I'll find my sweetie without another word.
When in the shade, dear, someone you see.
>> Don't be afraid, dear Lord. It'll be H.
It'll me.
>> We'll cuddle close until the break of day.
Whistling the blues away.
Hey, I need There we go.
Say, "How old are you?"
>> 16.
>> Oh, no. You couldn't learn that in 16 years.
Baby, will you drive to the right? Will you drive to the right?
>> Oh, did I hurt you?
>> Well, you bent my bumper a little bit.
Yes.
>> Ah, you are the distinguished door.
>> Yes. And I'm just in the midst of a non-stop flight.
>> Oh, but we'll take that up a little later, honey.
Hey, that's the Kaido's car.
>> There they go again. Hey, who's driving it? One of them. Aw, sir. Get that man or I'll put you back in the ranks. Get me a car. Whose car? Anybody's car. Get the colonel a car.
>> Get the colonel a car.
>> Get the colonel a car. Get the colonel a car.
>> Get the colonel a car. Colonel a car.
>> Get the colonel a car.
>> I'm on brav. At last we are together.
You may be together, but I'm not. Get the kind of luck. Get me a car.
Well, well, another air disaster.
The camels are still coming.
>> Well, I didn't realize what a pickup this car had. say, "Isn't there any place where you ain't?"
>> Snap out of it. The MPs are on us.
>> Oh jeez. You know those MPs are doing everything they can to make this war miserable for me.
>> Listen honey, if anything should happen that we're separated, you meet me here tonight at 8:00.
>> Oh, are you looking for trouble?
>> I don't have to look for it. Gilbert is always with me.
>> Listen our song.
Isn't that pretty?
When you get blue, just whistle for me, dear.
I'll promise you I will never fail to hear.
Then I'll pretend it's just a little bird.
I'll find my sweetie without another word.
and in the shade. Dear someone you see, >> don't be afraid, dear, for it'll be a me.
>> We'll cuddle close until the break of day.
>> We sing the blues away.
Heat up here.
Heat up here.
What are you sitting on the ground for?
cuz it happened to be there when I landed.
>> How did you get in the colonel's car?
>> I belong in it. I'm his daughter.
>> I remember now. I've seen you with him.
>> Gee, I'm glad you came.
>> Say I'm after those guys. They make love to every girl they see.
>> The little one?
>> He's the worst.
>> Oh, he is. Izzy. I'll fix him. What's his name?
>> Don't you know?
>> Well, we were so busy I forgot to find out.
>> Tommy Turner. And the skinny one is Gilbert Simpkins. Aw, impersonating officers and fooling women.
>> Fooling girls?
>> Yes. And laughing at them.
>> Fooling girls and laughing at them, huh?
I'll get him for you.
>> How?
>> Well, he told me to meet him. Never mind. This is my big moment. I'll capture them both single-handed.
>> Hey, you're pretty clever, ain't you?
>> Sure, I'm clever. Say, maybe you're my big romance, >> ma'am. Well, I mean, is it against army regulations for a colonel's daughter to get a yen for a sergeant?
>> Well, I don't know. I mean, >> jumbo Kool-A.
They are so handsome. So, snappy.
Be nice to me, big boy.
What were you doing in that trunk with the private?
>> Well, those two fells were trying to run away with me, but I surrounded him.
>> You?
>> Well, I shot at him and missed. But don't worry, Pop. I'll get him for you yet.
>> My little baby. Just a chip off the old block.
Colonel Marshall's not there, huh? All right. Thank you.
>> Can't you teleport anywhere else?
>> Well, we've tried everywhere.
Or perhaps he went to Pier and missed you.
>> No matter where he went, he didn't miss me.
>> Or Colonel Marshall, sir.
Uh, not here. I'll take it.
>> What a delightful odor.
>> Yes, that's the new one.
>> Uh, springtime of love.
>> You know these French, you can't beat them when it comes to perfume.
>> See, what an odd idea. sending army orders on perfume paper.
>> Yes. No, no, no, no, not at all. Um, you see uh uh in this way we can classify them immediately. Now, for instance, uh now this would be from the quartermasters's department.
>> Oh, well, if that is from the quarterm's department, I imagine it would be simply glorious to smell an order from general headquarters.
>> Yes. I I never thought of that.
>> No.
Ah, >> it is so coincidence we meet again.
>> Didn't I tell you to keep away from here?
>> Don't be mad, Pop. Introduce me.
>> I haven't got time.
>> Delighted to meet a friend of Pop.
>> I'll shut them up.
>> I let him in a hurry.
>> Okay, Pop. Run along. I might pick up a few pointers from this baby. She's the type. Yeah.
Snap out of it. Has this whole blame family gone crazy and cooing like a pair of knitwitted turtle doves right in front of that gate? What are you doing here?
>> 7 days leave, sir.
>> Well, you can spend them all away from my daughter. Oh, don't be violent, Dad.
Jim wants to marry me.
>> Oh, he does. Eh, a man who takes on a wife and a war at the same time is insane. Hear out. Yes, sir.
>> Oh, father, why do you hate Jim?
>> Because he wants to take you away from me. I went to a lot of trouble to get my family. I married your mother, didn't I?
Well, I've decided that you shouldn't marry a soldier.
>> You said it.
>> Can't you look after your family? I've got a war on my hands.
>> Yes, I just saw one of your orders from the quarter master's department.
Springtime of love.
>> When a man kisses you, does that mean he's really in love with you?
>> Men's kisses? No one can tell nothing by those.
>> Say, do you know anything particular about men with curly hair?
>> Curly hair, straight hair, no hair.
They're all the same. Suppose you fell in love with a fella that loved every girl he met. What would you do?
>> Make believe I love him desperately.
Never cease to say jaim. Write him letters 2 three six every day.
>> Oh gee, I had a lot of trouble with my big moment. He's a >> W.
A W.
>> A whale of a liar.
>> Oh, but you will win him. There are many ways. Have you ever tried perfume?
>> Perfume?
>> There's one in particular, Pron Damour.
In English, it is called Springtime of Love. 1,000 Franks the bottle. Why don't you try some?
>> I will. I'm going to get revenge if I have to get a perfume.
>> Oh, ma, come on over and eat what they go for in Paris.
>> Sorry, I'm in a hurry.
>> Oh, but she's one of Pop's girlfriends.
>> Annette, don't be silly. That's not funny.
>> Come along. You've said enough. Oh, mom.
Can I have a thousand Franks to buy some perfume?
>> What sort of perfume?
>> Oh, it's a wow. It lures man.
>> What?
>> Well, she uses it.
They call it springtime of love.
>> Springtime of love.
She'll be lucky if winter comes.
Gee, you know, after all, Gilbert, love is peace, quiet, and tranquility.
>> That isn't love. That's sleep.
Do you really think that Gaga is going to show up?
>> Say she isn't Gaga.
She has eyes like the heavens, cheeks like peaches of picky.
>> Oh, isn't that pretty?
>> Is that them?
>> Shh.
>> You'll scare them off.
>> Here's my gun, miss. And remember, we get 500 for him dead or alive. Be sure they're the right guys, though. Tommy Turner, curly hair. Gilbert Simpkins. Skinny.
Wears horned rim glasses.
>> Wait for me at the pallet. I'll deliver the bodies. F O B.
>> See you at the pallet.
Hello, boys.
>> Oh, gee, honey, I knew you'd come.
Ah, I seem to feel the call of the great outdoors.
>> Is this your car?
>> Yeah, we picked it up for practically nothing.
>> Yeah. Everything about it makes a noise except the horn.
>> Ah, horn grim glasses. The description is perfect.
>> She's not as gaga as I thought she was.
>> Curly hair.
Gee, I'm lucky.
>> Kiss me.
Just as I expected. Now youth, watch my method.
What makes you think you're so lucky, honey?
>> Because I've got you.
>> Boy, I kill him. I kill him. Does that really make so much difference to you?
>> It means that I'll make $500 out of you.
>> Out of him? You must expect to know him a long time.
>> No. From both of you. I'll make $500 tonight.
>> From both of us.
>> You're in Paris now, boy. You two boys are awol and I'm going to take you back to my father, Colonel Marshall.
>> What's that?
>> Hey, hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait. Let's get this thing straight.
>> You got it.
>> Do you mean to tell me that you'd turn me in after I've decided to let you fall in love with me?
>> Fall in love with you? Why, it's me that she cares for?
>> This for you and that for you and this for your papa.
>> Papa gets the best of everything.
Uh, honey, would you pardon us a moment?
>> Yes. Just one little moment.
>> Oh, no. Stick around, soldier.
>> Uh, we won't be long. We won't be long.
Just a short conference.
>> Come back.
>> She wants us to come back.
>> Odd how one will misunderstand a thing, isn't it?
>> Uh, would you mind putting that down?
You're embarrassing us.
>> Yes. If it went off, we'd be terribly upset.
>> You drive a car, don't you? Four eyes.
>> Well, after a fashion, yes. Uh, what he doesn't know about driving would fill a hospital.
>> Get in there and drive.
>> She's taking us for a ride. Listen, if you ever talk fast in your life, boy, don't stutter now.
>> Get up there. You get in the back seat with me.
Oh, it just occurred to me that I haven't a license for driving. So, if you'll pardon me, I'll just wander around.
>> Get in there.
>> Drive to the pallet. I'm taking you to my fire.
>> Peace, quiet, and tranquility.
Will you have a lollipop?
>> No, I don't like lollipops.
>> What are you doing with these powder puffs?
>> Powder puffs?
I've been eating them all day. I thought they were marshmallows.
>> Oh, will you step on it? Will you step on it? You're still in second gear.
>> What's he talking about?
>> He wants me to make love to you so you won't turn us in.
>> Oh, is that it? Well, it's no use. Not after the way you let me flop on the ground this afternoon.
>> You'll forgive me, honey. You've got such a big heart.
>> Detour. Detour. The girl didn't fall on her heart.
>> You know, honey, when you put your hand in my hair back there, it just seemed to fill me with electricity.
>> What? A little thing like that?
>> Oh, don't do that.
>> But I like it.
>> Well, that's in the bag. Come, Tommy. We must away.
>> Get back there and drive.
>> Oh, you want me to continue driving? Is that it?
>> Yes. And drive slower.
>> Would that you were birds and I a humble shotgun.
>> Do you think this is going to work? It's a cinch. That's a smart little girl.
Leave it to her.
>> You're making fun of me. And just for that, I'm going to turn you to it and get that $500. Wait, I'll tell you what to do.
Just turn him in and take 250.
>> They'll put him in the guard house.
>> Great.
That'll give us a chance to be alone.
>> Get back quick. Don't let him see you.
>> Well, I'll be >> Me, too.
You're never satisfied. Always complaining. You don't seem to realize the problems I have.
>> I don't see how they could have a war without you. I know I couldn't.
>> Oh, stop it. You would have the last word with an echo. Where's Eileen? No, she's with Jim.
>> There you are. I have to attend to everything. Can I be both father and mother?
>> I shouldn't be surprised with your versatility.
Heat. Heat.
Heat. Heat.
Heat. Heat.
Heat.
Heat.
boy. I'm in love.
>> Well, they do say that love makes the world go around, but don't let it make you dizzy.
>> You know, Gilbert, and that makes me want to do big things.
>> Why don't you try washing an elephant?
>> Oh, say I'm not kidding. I'm serious. I tear the world wide open for that girl.
I'm Get >> Hey, did you see a couple of dough boys go in there?
Are you sure?
>> Is there any way those guys can get out?
>> No. Those two doors are the only way they can come in or out.
>> Okay, pal.
Soldier, we got them.
>> Oh boy. When they step out Waiter.
>> It's a colonel.
>> I want some attention.
>> Uh, what is it you want, sir?
>> Attention.
Now then, >> what can we do for you, sir?
>> We want a nice quiet dinner for two.
>> Nice quiet dinner for two. No soup.
>> What have you do?
>> Now, let me think. Uh, don't tell me.
Don't tell me. Is it vegetable, animal, or mineral?
>> I'm sorry, but we're all out of those.
Would you like some naturalized Swiss cheese?
>> How's your turtle soup?
>> Oh, very snappy, sir. Very snappy.
>> Very well. Make it quick.
Turtle soup. Very snappy.
>> I think I'll have a young chicken. It must be very young. In fact, extremely young.
>> Maybe I better bring you an egg.
One.
Nice juicy partridge with blessing brown gravy.
>> So would I. You know I'm starved.
>> Third eggs. 200 Franks.
>> Yes.
>> Your eggs are very high.
>> Ah, but you must remember that an egg is a whole day's work for a hen.
>> I think I'll have a nice fresh artich choke. He thinks he'll have a nice fresh artichoke.
>> He thinks he'll have a nice fresh artichoke.
>> Now, let me see. What will I have next?
>> Indigestion, I guess.
Uh, would you like some nice uh petite matit?
How do you spill it?
>> Oh, um, I'll bring you a cup of coffee.
And listen, don't ask him if he has frogs legs.
>> How dare you? That'll be all. Hurry.
>> Yeah. Yeah. We Yes, sir. We'll do that little thing. Lieutenant, uh, I'm awfully pleased to have met up.
>> Come on, soldier. Let's look upstairs.
>> I'll bet he comes back with a cream puff.
>> Gon.
>> Coming right up, madam. Coming right up.
Well, as I live and inhale. How are you, honey? How are you?
>> Wonderful.
>> I'm glad you think so.
>> How is it you are here?
>> Shh.
>> Secret service.
>> Oh, is that why you wait on Colonel Marshall?
>> I make it fun.
>> Colonel Marshall. He's at the table you wait on.
>> Oh, so it is. The dear old Colonel looking well, too, isn't he?
What a man. What a man.
I'm sorry. Uh, we're all out of soup >> of all the idiots. Bring me some food.
>> Oh, you want food?
>> Of course.
>> You know, I knew there was something, >> weaker, >> my cocoa is cold.
I said my coco is cold.
>> Everything all right, sir?
>> No, everything's all wrong. The trouble with this place is you you have no decorum.
>> Oh, we have it. We have it. But it isn't very fresh. What's that, sir?
Tommy, >> pardon me.
>> I just got a tip that that old fellow was Colonel Marshall.
>> You better find out for sure.
>> Leave it to me.
Pardon me, sir, but are you a relative of Colonel Marshall?
>> Why, I am Colonel Marshall.
>> Ah, that explains the resemblance.
>> It's Colonel Marshall. All right.
Oh, you want the colonel to have this note?
Colonel, note from the young lady across the way. Now, don't give it a thought.
Don't give it a thought. Always glad to be of service.
Dear Snugglepuff, who is the old f that's with you? And where? I can't make out that word.
>> Why? How dare you?
>> Well, what is it? What is it? Why? It's a message from the military police sergeant reporting on two desperate men absent without leave.
>> What a liar.
>> Wait, I'm sorry. Do you have such a thing? Can you s Why aren't you in the army?
>> Well, that's a long story, Colonel. You see, it's this way. It's my feet.
>> Well, what's the matter with them?
>> Flat cold.
I can't eat this duck. Send for the manager.
>> It's no use. He won't eat it either.
>> Here, you might try it.
>> Coming up like a storm.
>> Will you give me a servette, please?
>> Serviet. Certain moa.
I'd like a servette. A servette? Cert.
That's enough. You should be discharged.
I can't speak French. I want the proper.
Where is the proprier?
I am the proprietor me. Anything I can do for you?
>> Do you speak French?
>> We I want this man discharged.
>> France. We then fired up.
Colonel Marshall's office. Yes, sir. Oh.
Uh, General Hail for you, sir.
>> Yes, General. I've just been advised by G2. Your plans are on the way over.
>> Well, what's the dues of delaying them?
>> Colonel Marshall, sir. Uh, >> just a minute, General. Here's something now.
>> Springtime of love.
>> I'm very sorry, Jeff. Yes, sir. Yes, it was something else.
>> Oh, hanging on. I can't hang on this phone all day. You get those plans for me. And remember, I am holding you strictly accountable for them.
>> Yes, sir.
>> Colonel Marshall.
>> Uh, just a minute, General. Here's another message. Oh, get those plants and get them quick before you give it to me. Smell it.
>> Tobacco.
>> Here they are at last. Get General Hail on the phone and tell him I'm sending them through.
>> And who will the detail to carry them, sir?
>> Lieutenant James Reed. Locate my daughter and you'll find him. Order an escort to prepare to leave at once.
>> Yes, sir.
Lieutenant Reed, sir.
>> You sent for me, sir?
>> Yes, Lieutenant. I've got a job for you.
This has to go to General Hail as fast as a man can carry it.
>> General Hail, sir. But he's at the front.
>> You'll have a car and the best driver available.
>> But I'm on leave, sir.
>> This is no detail for a tin soldier, Reed. Perhaps I've made a mistake.
>> No mistake, as far as I'm concerned, sir. What are the orders?
>> You will leave immediately. Captain Jones will attend to the details of your escort.
>> Yes, sir.
Hello, big boy. What's on your mind?
>> I came to say goodbye to Eileen.
>> Well, if you're wise, you'll say goodbye to Ma first. Say, why did Pop send for you?
>> Oh, he gave me some very important papers to deliver to General Hail at the front.
>> Oh, yeah. Well, well, that's sort of dangerous, ain't it?
>> Well, it's not exactly a health resort.
>> And if you deliver him, it'll make you a hero.
>> Oh, yes. A great big hero.
>> You know, Jim, I like you. You have such an open face.
>> Thanks. I think you'll be very charming when you grow up.
>> Oh, you don't know the half of it.
>> You're pretty clever, aren't you?
>> Sure, I'm clever. Say, maybe you're my big romance.
>> What's that? Well, I mean, uh, is it against army regulations for a colonel's daughter to get a yen for a lieutenant?
>> What are you talking about?
>> Oh, Jambo Kool-A.
They are so snappy. So handsome.
>> Be nice to me, big boy.
>> Say, what are you trying to do? Flirt with me?
>> Sure, I'm trying to flirt with you.
Well, >> look, I tell you what you do. You meet me here.
>> Yeah. in about 10 years.
>> Hello.
>> Hi there, babe.
>> Did you get that perfume?
>> I'll say I did.
>> And it is good.
>> Is it good? Boy, it g them. But I got something much more exciting than perfume.
>> What is that?
>> Papers. Important one. I stole them from Jim.
>> Does Jim know this?
>> Certainly not. But I got to get these papers started to the front before he finds out they're gone.
>> And you think you can do it?
>> Sure. If you'll help me. Now listen, my boyfriend will do anything I tell him to. But his buddy is a hard nut. Get me?
>> The buddy with the goggles? He is for me.
>> Great. Now you work on him and we'll get them both back to the front. And these papers go with them.
>> I will convince Gil Bear >> and I will convince Tommy.
>> Somebody paging me.
>> My angel. My sugar.
>> My goodness. Are you two at it again?
Never was I so glad to behold anyone.
>> There's a catch in there somewhere.
They're too glad to see us.
>> And that isn't She loves me.
>> Messier, you have the chance to do two ladies a great favor.
>> Uh-uh. Here it comes.
>> And at the same time, do something grand for your country.
>> Mhm. I don't like the way they're leading up to this.
>> Uh, what will you girls have? Oh, it is nothing.
>> Oh, it is nothing. Well, we can handle it. All you have to do is deliver this to General Hail.
>> Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? You see, we're great friends of General Hail and his partner.
>> His partner?
>> Yeah. You don't mean to tell me that you've never heard of Hail and Hardy.
>> Oh, yes. Yes. We'd love to see dear old Hail again.
>> Whereabouts in Paris, is he?
>> Ah, General Hale is at the front.
>> Always at the front.
>> Always at the front. Yeah. H.
>> It must be some other hail.
>> Yes. Well, so long, girls. We'll see you around.
>> Oh, you're not going to back out.
>> Back out? No. I'm going to walk right out face forward. You see, uh, our schedule is so filled up for the day.
>> Oh, but this will make you a great big hero.
>> Yeah, it'll probably make me the unknown soldier.
>> Wait a minute, Gilbert.
Let's do it. I want to be a hero for Annette. You see, he wants to do something great for his country. He aspires, do you not?
>> Ma'am, >> you aspire.
>> Yeah, a little under here.
>> Ah, Tommy, you'll do it, won't you?
>> Sure, I will. But I want Gilbert to go with me.
>> You and Tommy go in there. Perhaps I can persuade Gilbert to be a hero, too.
>> You might, but uh it will be difficult in broad daylight.
You're not going to disappoint me, are you?
>> Not for anything in the world, sweetheart.
>> If you take these papers to General Hail, maybe Dad will forgive you for being aw.
>> Gee, I'm ashamed of myself. You know, I'm an awful sap. But since I met you, everything has changed. I want to be what you want me to be.
>> My hero.
>> You must tell me all about yourself.
>> Well, I'm afraid that would take a long time. A long time. For instance, I spent all last summer shooting tigers in Africa.
>> But mu, there are no tigers in Africa.
>> I know it. I killed them all.
>> Come sit over here.
>> Yes. Yes. Less. Less. Hi-ho.
You know, they laughed at me when I sat down. But when I began to play, >> my goodness, what well-developed arms you have.
>> Yes. You see, I play a lot of tennis.
>> Yes. You dance a lot, too, don't you?
>> Oh, you bad boy.
>> Oh, god. I'll bet you dance exactly like a heer or zepher. Zephr.
>> Well, honey, how about it?
>> How about what? Or uh how about you and me getting married?
>> If I marry you, do you think you will be able to support me?
>> I was afraid you were going to ask me that.
>> Ah, Gilbert, you are so fascinating.
>> Yes, I suppose so.
>> You could be such a great man. Take Napoleon. He was a great man.
>> Yeah, but he's a bus now.
>> Gil Bear, you come from Fighting Stock, do you not?
>> Fighting stock? I'll say I do. Father and mother were always at it. Dog gone, you couldn't stop, man.
>> Well, I'll tell you, I come from nice family, too. My father was born in Moscow. My mother was born in Vladivosto. And I was born in St. Petersburg.
>> Is that so? Funny how you all got together.
Ah, little Fazaroy.
No, it's his father.
And look, look, he's brought along a hunk of ginger ale.
>> Ginger ale? That's champagne and it has one big kick.
>> Yeah, is that so? Stick around, son.
Stick around.
>> You know, Gil Bear, when I drink champagne, I never know what I am doing.
>> Now, wait a minute. Let's get this thing straight. You mean to tell me when you drink this stuff, you never know what you're doing?
>> Not a thing.
>> I won't need you anymore, son. I won't need you anymore.
>> By the way, Olga, where did you say you were from?
>> St. Petersburg.
>> St. Petersburg. Now, that is a coincidence. You know, a thing like that wouldn't happen again in a million years. I tell you, it's a small world after all.
>> Are you from St. Petersburg, too?
>> No, I'm from Seattle.
>> Oh, Gilbert, I'm beginning to feel good.
>> Yeah, but you you still know what you're doing, don't you?
>> Oh, yes.
>> Mhm.
>> Well, have another drink, huh?
>> Honey, how about a little kiss?
>> No, no, no. The colonel of your regiment is going to stop all spooning and kissing.
>> Well, he ought to. He's getting too old for that sort of stuff. I talk to him all the time. I >> I could love a man like you if you would only do something.
>> Well, how can I do anything? You kind of got me hog dying.
>> Something big. I mean, something heroic.
Something like Romero la.
>> Oh, that anytime you say, baby. Anytime you serve.
>> You will go to General Hail for me.
>> I'll go to hail for you anytime, baby.
Anytime.
>> Oh, I knew you would deliver the papers.
>> What's that?
>> You're going to take the papers to the front.
>> Honey, you lied to me about that champagne. You know what you're doing.
>> Now I know that you love me.
>> Oh, I love you, honey. I'm mad about you. I'm mad about you. To me, you're a beautiful spite. Sprite. Sprite. Sprite.
Why do I ever vest like this? Why do I ever vest?
Do you know that I haven't ever vested like this in years? What have you done to me, boy? What have you done to me?
I've been hardboiled all of my life, but you have punctured my shell. I have never had a wife for married life is swell. Love ste like sweet perfume in the spring.
Hey, now wait a minute. Wait a minute.
>> Do I affect you that way, honey?
Mama on a wait, mama.
Look what you're doing to me. Look.
Oh, wait a minute now. Wait a minute.
Oh, war is war. War is war.
Heat. Heat.
Wait a minute, Tommy. I'm going with you. Have you got some papers?
>> I got them right here, Gilbert.
>> And come, let's proceed to the front.
>> A, you are gallant. You are brave. You are everything.
>> You just about summed it all up, honey.
You summed it all up.
>> Oh, Tommy, you must be careful.
>> Don't worry about me, baby. Goodbye. And greet me, honey. Nothing's going to stop us from taking those papers to General Hail.
>> Farewell. Farewell. You've no idea how I'm going to miss you, honey.
Hello. Yes.
Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir. General Hail for you, sir. 10th time today. Yes, General.
Yes, General. Yes, General. Darn it. I'm a yes man. Positively, General. Those papers are on the way to you now.
>> Something you ought to know. May we see you privately?
>> No. This office is for army business, not for family disputes. Well, what have we got to say? Go ahead, be brief.
>> I will be brief. Annette stole the papers you gave Jim to take to General Hail.
>> What?
>> What did you do with them?
>> Don't worry, Dad. They'll get to General Hail. I gave them to two of the most wonderful boys in the world. Gilbert Simpkins and Tommy Turner.
>> What? You gave them to scallwags I've been chasing for 10 days? Oh, why will you tell me why?
>> Because I'm in love with Tommy Turner.
>> God's in great shot.
>> And if he gets those papers to General Hill, you'll forgive him and then he can marry me.
>> Forgive him. I'll have him shot at sunrise.
>> At first, the boys didn't want to do it, but your girlfriend helped me to coax them.
>> Well, very obliging.
>> What a family. What a family.
>> Moana's pap. I didn't mean any harm.
>> Captain Jones.
>> Captain Jones. Captain Jones. Captain Jones.
>> Captain Jones.
>> Yes, sir. Those two men, Gilbert Simpkins and Tommy Turner, have the general's papers. Cover every road leading to the front. You must get those men. Send 10 details. 20 details. 30 details for Get those men.
>> Yes, sir.
Honey, are you still hanging on to them papers?
>> I'm guarding those papers with my life.
>> And on the hail, brother.
>> Here we go.
rim glasses and curling. They got important instructions from headquarters. General Hail says we've got to get them.
Where can we find General Hail, sir?
>> General Hail is farther front. How do we get to the front line, sir?
>> The only way is through that communicating trans.
>> What do you want to see General Hail about?
>> We have important papers for him, sir.
>> You're Simpkins and Turner.
>> Oh, Captain. How'd you get?
The communicating trench has just been blown. Sir, >> they can't get through now, Captain.
Somebody will have to crawl through that barrage.
I can't order a man to go through that inferno. Give me those papers.
I'll call for volunteers.
Men, I have some very important papers that must reach General Hail at once.
Communication to the front line trenches is cut off. I want to volunteer for this dangerous job. Say no more, Captain. Say no more.
>> Simpkins, you're made of the right stuff. It's going to take a lot of guts to get through there. I understand exactly, Captain. And I've got just the man for you.
Private Turner, sir. The nervous man in the whole army.
>> Ah, Private Turner. Here are the papers.
>> Good luck. The best way over is through that cut there.
>> Yes, sir.
>> Hey, wait a minute, Tommy.
Gee, kid. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get this. Oh, gee, Gilbert. That's all right. Yeah, but you know something's likely to go wrong out here.
>> You know, you might not come back.
>> Oh, jeez. Wait a minute. I'll >> No, I'll come back. All right. You'll be okay.
But if I don't, you'll tell a net, won't you?
>> Yeah, I'll tell her.
Tommy.
Hey, where are you going? Out there. I think they got him.
>> Good lord, man. You can't go up there now. There's more coming before you got 10 ft.
>> That's all right, buddy.
Hell, he needs me. And I'm going to >> Where are you, Kim? Where are you, Tommy?
>> Here I am, Kilperson. Gee, tell me. How is it, kid? Did it get you?
>> I don't know. It It's my back. I I I don't seem to feel a thing.
>> Oh, I don't Wait a minute.
Here, kid.
Take a drink of this.
Is that better now, Tommy? Do you feel better now, kid? Here. Do you feel that, Tommy?
I don't feel a thing.
>> Wait a minute, honey. I'm Hey, the signing of the arms has saved my reputation and standing as an officer.
It has not only saved the world for democracy, but it has saved me from my family.
And don't forget, if I ever lay my hands on those two dough boys, I deliver them to you piece by piece.
>> Get away.
Surprise.
Any phone call?
>> How dare you, sir? What do you mean by this? What did you do with that message for General Hail?
>> I uh we decided not to deliver it.
>> Oh, you did, eh? What did you do with it?
>> We opened it up and read it.
>> What?
>> It's an old Indian custom, Colonel. An old Indian custom. In case we lost it, we could deliver it by word of mouth.
>> You know, I know every word by heart.
>> You'll be shot at sunrise.
>> When you know what we know, you'll be half shot at sunrise.
>> How dare you? What are you sourcing?
>> Oh, Colonel, please. Now, >> you'll get a parallel stroke.
>> Colonel, I want to ask you, did you really want this message delivered to General Hail?
Uh uh come with me in my office. I want to speak with you privately.
You you say you memorize this paper?
Every darn word. What did it say?
>> My dear snuggle pup.
>> That's enough. That's enough.
>> Well, if it isn't enough, we know some more.
Do you know what I could do to you for this?
>> What are you laughing at?
>> I was just thinking what we could do to you for this.
>> Colonel, what I want to know is why did you treat little Algus so mean? You know, I was never so motorman's glove.
>> General Hail's plans.
>> Yeah.
>> Where did you get them? I found them right here on my desk.
>> What does this mean?
>> It means that you sent Olga's note to the general instead of the plan.
>> Oh, that Olga. I'll have her neck.
>> No, Colonel. I'll have that.
>> There you go again. That's the funniest thing ever.
>> You know, something's got to be done about this.
>> Yes. Yes. It seems as though armistice has been declared for everybody but you.
>> What? What?
Oh, draw.
>> Quite a war. It's quite a war. Quite a war.
>> You sent for Lieutenant Reed, sir.
>> Oh, uh, certainly we sent for Lieutenant Reed, didn't we, Colonel?
Yes. Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Yes.
The colonel wants you two kids to get married right away. Don't we, Colonel?
>> Yes, sir. Quite quite quite.
>> Good heavens, the old man's gone crazy.
>> My darling snuggle. Where were you last night?
>> I waited for you for hours. Have you forgotten your allga?
>> Colonel, there's nothing to it. We men have got to stick together.
>> Tommy, David, I'm glad you're back. So am I. And the colonel wants us to be married right away.
>> Yeah, me too.
Heat.
Heat.
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