Oversharing with strangers often stems from emotional relief (catharsis), loneliness, or attachment styles like anxious attachment, but becomes problematic when it's one-sided, makes others uncomfortable, or serves as emotional avoidance rather than genuine connection. In relationships with narcissists, understanding the difference between avoidant personality disorder (characterized by social anxiety and fear of rejection) and vulnerable narcissism (characterized by entitlement, lack of empathy, and rage responses to criticism) is crucial, as both can appear similar but require different approaches. The dark triad (narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism) represents three personality traits that correlate with manipulative and exploitative behaviors, with men scoring significantly higher than women on these traits.
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Hello kids.
How is everyone?
So good to see you guys.
Let me get situated here.
Shoot, I can't find it.
I lost my damn remote and it's Wait, wait, wait. One more spot I can check.
No, not there. Okay, let me talk to myself for a second and then I'll be right with you.
Okay, here we go.
All right, I think we're good. I think we're good. Um, I'm a little just just like I don't know what what's with me today, but I'm a little scatterbrained, so bear with me. I You know what I did?
I started pulling stuff for this live and I squirreled like forever and I got into all Oh my god, it's it's bad.
Anyway, hi Daria. I've been away from the drama for a couple days. This should be interesting. I will say it's really not nice to hear all the fact. It was really not nice to feel all the back and for hear all the back and forth. You know what? I've been kind of checked out of it cuz I'm just tired of it too. I it I back I know these were left a bit a little bit ago. So hello Gina Willows. Good to see you honey.
Had to give Willow's uh Willow Gabent a little bit ago because of her spa appointment at the groomers today. Only half made it. Oh no. Isn't that awful when you don't know exactly how much is they got?
My daughter had a cat that well she still has them who's a total [ __ ] She's she's threatened to give him to me a few times and then changes her mind cuz she love hates him. But he you he has to be tented like they have to literally she has the um people coming up in the van, you know, the mobile vet and they literally have to put him in a box or, you know, and then gas him in order to just look at him. He's he's an [ __ ] Anyway, hi Michelle 420, the good one working and listening. Good to see you, D. Damn it, Donna Joe. I I'm getting to it, honey. I'm sorry. Um, I just remembered.
I've been kind of not feeling the best.
Um, that's why I wasn't live yesterday.
Trying to rest up and get healthy again.
So, yes, Willow is a cat. Hello, XM.
Yes, Willow is Willow's true crime. You should drop your link, Willows. Um, she has a channel and Willow is her cat.
Yes.
Yeah, Willow's not that bad. Okay, that's good. Yeah, he just he will do damage like he's he it's it's bizarre.
It's but and and she's had them since he was born. So, it's not like I mean some cat you sometimes you cats are like a a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're going to get.
I've had two cats that were [ __ ] like that, like in our whole family, like me and my kids. And we've had two.
Syrup. Syrup was a was an [ __ ] too.
And I Well, I found we found Syrup abandoned by mama. I like I had to bottle feed her all that stuff, you know. But, um, she was always an [ __ ] So, yeah, Willow is her kitty and profile pick.
So, it was good to see Barb go live. I'm I was sad I couldn't stay um for too long, but um if someone could maybe Willows, you could drop Barb's link for us, please. I'd appreciate that. Don't call me while I'm online. Um Barb's Yeah, Barb went live today. Yes, there's Willows. And then she'll drop Barb's, too. Thank you, Willows. Um Barb was live this morning just to catch up and she could really use your support if uh especially if you she she focuses a lot on chronic pain. Um and there's a lot of us around here who deal with it.
So, hello Holly. Good to see you. sub to Willow. Good. Thank you so much, XM. Hi, perfectly me. Hello, sweet Irish. So kind of you. Good to see you, honey.
I don't know. So, today I'm kind of just uh a little scatterbrained. We're going to watch some some more videos about I kind of wanted to learn about like the cluster cluster um types more like cluster B specifically, but we'll heard about them all. And so I went and was pulling there's the scoop with Barb. Um but the also like the dark triad is interesting to me. So, we we'll and we'll just kind of, you know, I'm not I'm I tried to be organized and not so much organized, but I tried to be a little prepared, but I just feel really scattered. So, it's probably just excessive brain fog. So, pardon me.
So, um All right. So, first we're going to of course we got to look at Angela's post, okay, kids? cuz and I don't even really know here. Let's see. Let's look at Angela's post.
All right. So, Angela 4 hours ago.
I don't know what was said about Kathy P, but I can only imagine. Anyway, I got four stray. They're all Oh, you got four strays, huh?
Yeah, it's um I think I think um a lot of cats, you never like I said, they're a they're a mixed They're a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Like they all they can come out the womb being total [ __ ] You might think some something traumatic, but I think they're just [ __ ] and that's all right.
Hey, criminal med. Good morning. Great to see you. You changed um you changed changed your avatar. I love your avatar.
All right. So, Angela says, "Hey, allegedly Britney J. Keep Kathy K keep Kathy P out of your mouth." Major grifter, huh? Okay. Keep Kathy P out of your mouth, you [ __ ] You did grift off of your baby registry. Kathy is a widow. She didn't choose to get knocked up and live in filth with a jobless loser. Also know how excited you were when your useless idiot sinner went after her. I didn't agree with Cathy looking up people's military service, but Sinner went on to threaten her much like he threatened PJ. You weren't happy when he backed off her, were you? You surround yourself with some of the worst people and proclaim you aren't responsible for them. You are. So Britney says, "So now Sinner is going to be tr going to try to be nice to Kathy. What a fake [ __ ] weirdo."
Um, yeah. All different personalities.
Uh, yeah, they all love food. They all do. So, yeah, she started on Kathy last night, the pregame show before Laura. Oh, really?
I didn't I haven't even watched um like I didn't watch last night at all. I watched the very beginning of the one before and so I don't know, maybe we'll uh I'm sure I'll get to it at some point.
So, let me remove that and check what this is. Whoops. Wrong button.
What is this?
All right.
It's a 75% sleep that I did see the end of it. Oh, when was it supposed to be? Cuz I knew instantly she wasn't going to make that [ __ ] you know.
Um, she said hopefully I thought she said hopefully to She said she was a no call, no show for some type of appointment.
Not sure what kind. Well, shocker.
That's That's going to happen.
Um, she likely did. Oh, yeah. She's live right now. Yeah, she's got to She's got to self soothe, you know. All right, let's uh at BJ's it could be no tomorrow for the Hey, Phoebe. Whoops.
At BJ's it could be no tomorrow for them. Not understanding. She missed her posttop appointment.
Amazing, you know.
Yeah. Screw the person who could have that spot, you know. It's too hard. Hey, honey. Hello to you.
I hope you're well today.
Um, yeah. No, it's it's total. She doesn't have any consideration for others. It's period.
Um, she's a fool. She is. She's not going to I told you this journey into health and wellness would last about a week tops.
She talked about it for one night and now it's like, "Fuck that [ __ ] I'll go back to my old routine where I'm comfortable." Right.
I know cuz I've been there.
I know cuz I've been there. The best best thing I ever did for myself though is finally realize that that's what I do and just own it to myself, you know?
just own it and understand, you know, I have intentions to do things, but am I really going to do it?
You know, when I'm when I set something up or make a plan to do something, I ask myself, am I really or uh how am I going to do it? When am I going to do it? And am I really going to do it? You know, so and if you can't be honest with yourselves, that's just pointless cuz you're going to lie to yourself. Oh, for sure. She was back then. Craig had Craig had said some had uh said something about you spilled your mill over some [ __ ] one night. She never gave it up. Maybe for a week. Maybe for a week.
I don't know. Oh, here. Let me look.
All right. So, all right. I saved so much [ __ ] in this playlist.
Um, here I think we launched that. I really need to organize this. and I didn't take the ones out that we watched. So, um I'm just looking through my list.
Oh, I thought this was interesting because I was looking um Whoops. I got to slow it down. I was listening on supersonic speed.
Um, thank you, honey.
All right.
Did I do it? Yeah. Just again, disclaimer, I'm not functioning at regular speed and ability today. So, we're going to do our best.
Hey, Gina, there you are. You're back.
Oh, you know what? I still haven't I still haven't looked at I haven't looked at is okay.
I still haven't done I haven't done much of anything in the last day and a half or so, day, two days, whatever.
Um, I did some Netflix. I did some I don't know, interrogations, you know, that kind of stuff. So, and I'm just feeling foggy today, so bear with me. But anyway, I'm really interested in why there's so much oversharing all the time and I'm removing myself. There we go.
Uh, so I pulled some of these some videos and I'm just going to play one where it just keeps it really um simple and gives I think different reasons. It's called the real psychology of people who overshare everything.
Let me grab their link and we'll see what they say.
All right.
Wait.
Damn it. I hate when I do that.
The balance theory. The balance theory is the channel. Okay, I'll put it in chat.
>> Ask them how their day is going and suddenly you know about their divorce, their childhood trauma, and why they don't talk to their brother at day. You ever meet someone at a coffee shop, ask them how their day is going, and suddenly you know about their divorce, their childhood trauma, and why they don't talk to their brother anymore?
>> Yes. Yeah.
>> Yes.
>> That person exists. And here's the thing, they're not >> I haven't been, but I have two bottles of Propel here with salt tablets in them. So, I'm trying. I'm getting there.
Um, drop her. Who? Wait, drop whose link?
You can drop any link you want. I'll put the link in of um this the current videos cuz I'm not going to make any go search for them when I have them right here. So anyway, I just have to drink them now, Gina.
That's what they're sitting here. I'm going to drink some right now. Yeah, I don't get how much. No, I don't. And that's fine, but there's reasons.
So, all right.
>> Just being weird. There's actual psychology behind why some people spill their deepest secrets to complete strangers. And honestly, it's not always a bad thing. So, let's talk about it.
Why do some people overshare with people they barely know?
>> Oh, sure.
>> First reason, emotional relief. There's this concept in psychology called catharsis. It's the idea that releasing pinup emotions can make you feel lighter, even if it's temporary. When someone overshares >> Okay, so I've said this, right? I said it's like an overfilled tire like someone just you got to release some of the air, you know, like some people people come online and they and this is their therapy, you know, it's not healthy >> with a stranger. They're essentially using that person as an emotional release valve. No judgment, no history, just venting. And sometimes that feels safer than talking to someone who actually knows you. Think about it. When you tell a stranger something personal, there's no consequence. They don't know your friends. They're not going to bring it up at Thanksgiving. It's like screaming into the void, except the void nods back and says, "Wow, that's rough."
But here's where it gets interesting.
There's also something called disinhibition. That's when people feel less restricted in what they say because the social stakes are low. You know how you sometimes feel more honest in anonymous online forums or late night Uber rides? Same thing. The lack of a long-term relationship removes the filter. And for some people, that filter is already pretty thin. Now, another big reason, loneliness. This one hits different. A lot of people who overshare are actually starving for connection.
They might not have a strong support system or they feel misunderstood by the people closest to them.
>> And I think that's a major problem around here. Maybe, you know, maybe it's not even I shouldn't say problem. It's the problem is when people overshare because they mistake the connections they make here. And people do make real connections here. I'm not saying that.
Um okay.
All right. So link in the chat. So here we go. There it is.
That's who that's who Willows is getting into right now. Um but you know people do make good you know real connections here but you have to be very very careful. You have to watch people a long time. Watch how they move. Watch how they treat other people. Watch their past behaviors. You know like um you know watch their current behaviors even more and watch for patterns. You know that's all I can say. Patterns matter.
You know, people can make a mistake and it can really [ __ ] them up. But do you Yeah. You forget you haven't actually met these people. Yeah. You know, so but watch for patterns. You know, there's people that have made big mistakes around here. Like what? Like Laura, for example. Laura made a huge [ __ ] mistake, but you got to watch for patterns. I don't see a pattern of her doing things like that at all. It was a mistake, you know?
So, never online to a channel full of Yes.
Never online to a channel full of people. And you know, I take my time to trust and you know this from experience of our friendship. Yes. Yes.
Absolutely.
And you got to you got to really watch people. Watch how they treat others, not just how they treat you. And watch their actions, not their words, you know. Yes.
A lot of Yeah. You can be anybody you want to be here. Just remember that.
>> So, when a stranger shows even a little warmth or curiosity, it's like opening a dam. All that stored up need for connection just floods out. There's also this thing called attachment style, specifically anxious attachment. People with this style often crave closeness and validation, but they're also terrified of rejection, so they test the waters fast. They overshare early to see if you'll stick around, to see if you'll accept them at their messiest. It's not manipulation. It's desperation for reassurance. And sometimes oversharing is just a coping mechanism, a way to process trauma. When someone's been through something heavy and hasn't fully dealt with it, talking about it, even to strangers, can be a way of making sense of it. It's like they're trying to organize the chaos in their head by saying it out loud over and over. Here's the twist, though. Oversharing isn't always about the person being broken or needy. Sometimes it's about authenticity. Some people just value raw real conversation over small talk. They don't see the point in pretending everything's fine when it's not. And honestly, in a world full of surface level, how are you? Good. You exchanges.
>> This is this is me. Like I the I can't stand the surface level [ __ ] you know. And I'll be hon I I have no problem being very honest, but if there's you have to kind of watch how you do it, you know, I try to do it only just when it relates to something that's being talked about. Um, but it is like and a lot of people can fake their authenticity here. Like you got to be so careful. It's like, hey, there you are.
used to be a secure person until I ran into a dismissant avoidant and now I lean an now I am anxious lean anxious um yeah it's dismissive yes being dismissed by people is one of the worst worst things that you know it's it's uh you do take a hit you do take a hit that's for sure it does affect people awfully how How are you, Bad Wolf? It's good to see you.
I've missed you. I miss you. All the things.
>> That kind of honesty can be refreshing.
But, and this is important, there's a line, oversharing becomes a problem when it's one-sided, when it makes the other person uncomfortable, or when it's used to avoid dealing with issues in healthier ways. If someone's constantly dumping their life story on strangers, but never actually seeking help or making changes.
>> Uh, right there.
right there. This is what made me kind of really back off from Britney because she constantly would overshare, constantly would complain, constantly had crises going on. And I would offer advice, other people would offer advice, many, many, many people. And she just would never take it. Never half the time wouldn't acknowledge it. Didn't give a [ __ ] She just wanted to dump, you know, and get the attention from it and then not do anything about it. So that was like, I see this. I see what's going on here.
>> It's a red flag. It's emotional avoidance disguised as openness. So what do you do if you're the over >> emotional avoidance disguised as open?
Yeah. Never seeking help. That is a key phrase right there. Hold on.
>> Share. It's emotional avoidance disguised as openness. So, what do you do if you're the overshare? First, ask yourself, am I sharing to connect or am I sharing to cope? If it's the latter, that's okay. But maybe it's time to find other outlets, therapy, journaling, trusted friends, people who can actually help, not just listen. And if you're on the receiving end, set boundaries. It's okay to say, "Hey, I appreciate you opening up, but I'm not in the right headsp space for this right now." You're not responsible for carrying someone else's emotional weight, especially if you just met them. So, >> and that happens a lot here, too, because there's a lot of impaths, like real ones, real empaths here. And it's real easy for empaths to take on to to, you know, I've had to learn how to kind of put the bubble around myself, you know, and not take on other people's emotional [ __ ] you know. Um, I've learned how to offer resources, how to offer offer advice and you know that kind of thing, that kind of thing.
Irish, I agree. Um, I have offered free professional advice and just ignore and it and just ignore it which the which this is what first raised red flags for me. I could see the grift and and was I was disgusted as vulnerable people watch her. Yes. Yes.
You can confuse an avoidant with a narcissist, but they are not the same.
Avoidance can't help it. There were just too much trauma for them to overcome.
Yes, I did pull um a vid a couple videos about um avoidance and that was kind of interesting too. That's what I did is I ran into so many personality disorders and coping mechanisms and you know that kind of thing. I was like, "Oh my god, oh my god." It was an overload for me.
So that's why I'm like frazzled right now.
So yes. Uh good afternoon Irish and Chad. I'm watching from the beginning.
I'm recharging after two busy days. I'll be listening. Well, thank you very much Sammy. Good to see you. No worries honey. See you when you come back.
Here's the thing. If you're someone who overshares, you're not broken. You're not annoying. You're human. Maybe you're lonely. Maybe you're healing. Maybe you just don't like small talk. And that's okay. But here's what I want you to think about. Are you sharing to build connection? Or are you sharing because you're avoiding something deeper?
Because real connection doesn't come from dumping everything on someone in the first 5 minutes. It comes from being vulnerable with the right people at the right time, in the right way. And if you're working on that, that's growth.
That's self-awareness.
That's already a win. All right, that's it for today. If this hit home, maybe share it with someone who needs to hear it or don't. Either way, >> Hi, Mr. Burn. Good to see you.
If you ever come across an avoidant, your best bet is to just keep moving.
They need a ton of work and they won't do it. You know what? Let me look for the Let me look for the video. I'm going to share this one.
I'll look for the video the video because then we'll understand or maybe I should see it probably be easier for me to do this.
Hello Oh, I love her. I love Dr. Romany. Okay.
She is actually friend my my my therapist is actually friends with her and she recommends her to me all the time. Different videos and stuff.
All right. So, I have Dr. Romney's link.
All right. Let's watch this one. It's 9 minutes. So, avoidant personality disorder versus vulnerable narcissism.
Hi everyone, it's Dr. Romney. Welcome back to this YouTube channel on narcissism. And if you're new to this channel, please hit that subscribe button. We'd love to have you join this wonderful community. This was an email I got from someone who is asking the question, which I think is an important one for everyone to learn.
>> What's the difference between an avoidant personality style or avoidant personality disorder and vulnerable narcissism?
So, let's take that on.
When we look at narcissistic personality, we see that it kind of relates to other sort of personality issues. And again, like I said, this is a question that just came in and I think it's a really good one because it may clarify some of the patterns of vulnerable narcissism that can be confusing. And remember, many of you know vulnerable narcissism as covert narcissism. The correct term is vulnerable narcissism. So, let's kind of get on top of our terms here, right?
Avoidant personality is a style characterized by discomfort with social situations, especially when a person feels like they're being evaluated or judged. The avoidant person wants a social interaction but is anxious about looking foolish, being humiliated or disliked, or being criticized. This is a pattern that cuts across social situations. The person with an avoidant personality may be really inhibited and have a fear of intimacy or getting close. They want to get close, but they're very anxious about it. People with avoidant personalities are very, very sensitive to any kind of social rejection. So, they may simply avoid social situations. Again, not because they don't like them or want them, but because they are afraid of the discomfort and the feelings associated with rejection.
People with avoidant personality styles will often only get involved with people or with relationships if they are certain of not being rejected.
>> Yes. Yes.
You know, they stay with safe people, you know, that aren't going to challenge them or reject them or, you know, it's Yeah. which can actually put them at risk for entering relationships that are highly manipulative or controlling.
>> Oh, Barb, you didn't have to do that, honey. But I appreciate you. I hope your stream went well. I was trying to get ready fail trying and failing to get ready for this one. But um thank you so much, honey. Good to have you.
I would argue that people with avoidant personality styles or disorders are actually at risk for entering or getting stuck in narcissistic relationships because they're they so want to enter relationships and are so afraid of being rejected that they may really fall hard for love bomb. Thank you.
>> And then be very subject to man being very manipulatable and being willing to self-lame. Now, some people in the diagnostic world believe that avoidant personality disorder may just be a more severe variant of social anxiety disorder. I really do think that I believe that the difference between the two is that avoidant personality, yeah, probably is a little more severe. It's just more pervasive. It's more stable.
It tends to cut across all relationships that a person has. Avoidant personality is not introversion. Introverted people have a preference for solitude or small and familiar social groups. They might find larger social gatherings taxing and just simply need time to replete and may enjoy periods of solitude and introspection. But an introvert does not have the chronic destabilizing fear of being criticized or rejected and holding back for that reason. Avoidant personalities want social interactions but can't get there because of their anxiety. That's very different than introversion. So some of you may be witnessing thinking ah well vulnerable narcissism has social anxiety as part of it. It does. And you might say, 'Well, those folks are also sensitive to criticism, aren't narcissists. They are.
And you may be wondering, maybe this person isn't narcissistic, but maybe they're avoidant. The difference matters. A relationship with someone who has an avoidant personality, yeah, at times it may actually be exhausting because you're often having to reassure them or allay their fears that they're concerned that they're making a bad impression on other people. However, a >> Yes. I Oh my god. Yeah. I'm I'm I I I have a lot of ways too. I'm an introvert. Um I don't know if it's actually introvert. I mean, I like my solitude. I like my alone time. I like being by myself.
Best company, you know. But um I already forgot here.
>> Relationship with someone who is a vulnerable narcissist is a whole >> Oh, yeah. We've I don't know if you've been in a relationship with someone or had a friendship with somebody All that stuff is done to them. Yes. All that stuff. But yeah, it's you. It's trauma. It's trauma. Um I had a friend in high school who I'm still friends with today. Um but she her parents were um back then it was called Dionetics, but now it's called, you know, Chris Chris Scientology.
And her parents were heavy in into dietics and she was just I mean she was messed up from child from birth I think you know and she was always apologizing always I'm sorry oh I'm sorry you know like always felt awkward always felt like she did something wrong always felt she said the wrong thing and it was constant reassurance I would tell her Val shut the [ __ ] up you're fine you know it's just us you're fine knock it off, you know, like we would joke and stuff, but um yeah, uh the older I get, the older I get, I have been reading the most women become like this. No desire for Yes.
Yes. I I I don't like the surface level [ __ ] you know. Um Yeah. But it's it's how it's our it's our journey in life, you know, as just as people different game. And remember, many of you know the vulnerable narcissist is a covert narcissist. I want to remind you because someone, what is she talking about? Covert narcissist, vulnerable narcissist. For a lot of people that feel synonymous. Now, there are some key differences. A person with an avoidant personality does not have lapses in empathy. They are not entitled. They're definitely not grandiose. and they're not prone to passive aggressive raid or dysregulation. Those are simply not elements of the avoidant personality style, but they are aspects of the vulnerable narcissistic style.
>> There are also some key overlaps that may be confusing, particularly the sensitivity to criticism. However, the way that that sensitivity manifests, that's what will be quite different for an avoidant person. If they perceive a criticism or an embarrassment, they will simply isolate more publicly humiliated and withdraw.
>> For a vulnerable narcissist, if they perceive a criticism of any kind, they're either likely to angrily lash out for maybe rage, stonewall.
>> It's funny, I haven't even watched this yet, but yeah, you know, like an avoidant will just shut down.
>> A narcissist will lash out and argue about it and whatever. the silent treatment, petulence, victimhood, passive aggression. So while both personality styles are sensitive to critics, the manifestation is very very different.
>> People with avoidant personality styles also have empathy, though their own anxiety may mean they are restrained in expressing it.
>> However, patterns such as contempt will not be observed.
>> In some cases, a person can be both. A person can have both a vulnerable narcissistic personality and an avoidant personality style. So we would see the socially anxious patterns, the sensitivity to criticism, the victimized entitlement and the passive aggressive rage when confronted. This is an unfortunate pairing because then treatment becomes messy and the narcissism can mean that management of the avoidant personality style and the associated patterns. It just doesn't work because the narcissism is just making a mess of it. So if there's any question whether someone is just socially anxious or if this is more of a vulnerable narcissistic pattern, pay attention to how the person manages this criticism that they're so anxious and afraid about. If the response the person has is rageful, hurtful, defensive, passive aggressive, and contemptuous, you're more likely to be dealing with a person who has a vulnerable has vulnerable narcissistic patterns rather than an avoidant personality. Yeah, vulnerable narcissism is so confusing because it overlaps with so many other mental health patterns, depression, anxiety, >> and that's yes, that's why there's so much the overlapping is is wild, >> social anxiety, and our empathy for a person struggling with those patterns can make it confusing when we are faced with someone's sadness and anxiety, but also contempt, entitlement, and rage. A way of determining if the vulnerable narcissism is present is to pay attention to how the person responds to criticism, feedback, not getting their way, or other people's success. Those things are the ringer and can really make it clear what may be happening.
>> Avoidant personality actually can be addressed in psychotherapy and treatment using many of the cognitive behavioral techniques that are often used in the management of social anxiety. practicing social skills, group therapy, having some success experiences in relationships, understanding the root causes of the avoidant personality. All of this can have an impact and help a person who is struggling with the fallout of an avoidant personality style. These approaches are not going to work so well with a person with a vulnerable narcissistic style because as with all forms of narcissism, most narcissistic people do not view the issue as being within themselves or they may be resistant addressing long-standing defensive patterns and any thoughts that are related to their victimhood. They are pretty allied with that kind of identity. I hope that's helpful and helps you see the difference between two personality styles that at first blush can be confusing but are actually quite different. Thanks again.
>> Here's the link for that one. Um, shoot. My brain is mushed today. I'm really trying, kids.
I know. Um, here. Let me look at my playlist because that's going to remind me what I just I wanted to watch just now. Made me think of one of the videos I pulled.
Oh, all right.
Okay.
So, let me look.
Oh, you know what? under five minutes.
Histrionic personality disorder. I kind of read the um definition that Chad gave me the other day, but I like this um little video. So, I'm going to play this.
I'm going to squirrel all [ __ ] day today or all the whole live.
All right.
So this is Reese's medicine and I'll drop the link in chat.
Yeah, histrionic personality disorder.
This is like Lauren from Hidden True Crime is a prime example. So that's why I call her histrionic true crime because she's very histrionic.
So you'll see you'll see >> a personality is what makes us unique.
It's how we think, feel, and behave. A personality disorder is when this deviates strongly from societal or cultural expectations and causes impairment in daily functioning.
Histrionic personality disorder is a cluster B disorder in the DSM5 characterized by attention seeking over concern regarding appearance and excessive emotionality. Free practice material is available through jungle formerly Wizia that gives you feedback as you answer and can create multiple choice questions, flash cards and case scenarios from your study material. Find the link below. There are nine core traits. The first being a persistent pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking. And others include rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions, an exaggerated expression of emotion, often manifesting as being very dramatic and theatrical, often with strong opinions but with few details to support them. Another is being uncomfortable when not the center of attention, as is consistent use of physical appearance to attract attention, which can manifest also as being particularly concerned about appearance. The remaining traits include interaction with others that is inappropriately sexual or provocative.
This includes outside of potential romantic interests, impressionistic and vague speech, being easily influenced by others or situations such as trends, and so can often trust easily, particularly authority figures. Ninth is interpretation of relationships as being more intimate than they are and can often end up becoming dependent on the partner. Five or more of these traits are required for a diagnosis and these must be present from adolescence or early adulthood. There must also be an impairment in daily functioning across a range of contexts like work, school or social life. It must also be pervasive, inflexible and relatively stable over time. It is estimated to be present in around 1.8% 8% of people in the general population, and some sources quote it as being up to four times more common in females than males, whilst others say it is roughly equal. This discrepancy may be due to a tendency to overdiagnose females and underdiagnose males.
Overall, it is thought to be the result of genetic and environmental influence, particularly with childhood neglect and sexual abuse having been identified as factors. It is common to have a coexisting personality disorder like antisocial, narcissistic or paranoid as well as other disorders like depressive or sematic symptom disorder.
As with most other personality disorders, there is no specific treatment and management should instead be tailored to the individual and their needs. Psychonamic psych >> What? Ironically, she's talking about going back to the hospital for a CT scan on her C-section stitches.
When the [ __ ] did she do this? She would have.
First of all, that doesn't even make sense to me.
That doesn't even make [ __ ] sense.
Sounds like she talked to by a mom a baby and has repeated her story. You know what I was looking for?
I was looking for um We should ask chat. I was looking for what does it mean when Yeah. What the [ __ ] is a CT scan gonna do? Nobody. No.
You look at it. you look at it.
Trust me, I had to spend I had a I had a um uh oh a staff infection in my spine once and it's I guess she went back to clear infections out. Okay, listen listen. I had a staff infection in my spine once after a procedure, after a disc decompression thing.
Yeah. You don't just go in and say, "Give me a CT scan." But anyway, I didn't That's not how you find infections. CT scan. You don't know. You go by symptoms, you go by appearance, you go, you know, it's it that's wild.
She's trying so hard, right? She's trying so hard to convince the masses that so serious. But she can't go for her iron infusion. Make that make [ __ ] sense. And I just realized while we were watching that last video that it is Tuesday today. It feels like a [ __ ] Monday for [ __ ] sake. But anyway, what the hell? She was playing in the Oh, okay. Um, yeah, maybe if she changed her [ __ ] shirt, you know, that would help >> here. Let's finish this real quick and then we're going to >> therapy is currently the preferred option, mostly focused on reducing interpersonal conflict and stabilizing psychosocial functioning. A part of which may be helping identify that the histrionic traits are a maladaptation to attracting attention. Symptom resolution and effective daily functioning rates are low according to studies and often people with histrionic personality disorder do not recognize it as an illness and resist the idea of treatment.
>> Similarly to other personality disorders, pharmacological treatment has not been found to be effective for histrionic personality disorder but may be effective in treating comorbid conditions.
Yeah, they they're going to do blood work and put you on Are you okay?
They're gonna and then they're gonna um put you on antibiotics.
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
So, yes. Hi, Stephanie. Yes, the cluster bees. I pulled a lot of those. Um, the cluster the clust the psychology of the clusters, you know, the cluster psychology is what I'm trying to say.
But, um, did I drop this? No, I dropped the channel. I didn't drop the the video.
But, uh, here we go.
She went for a CT, but not her. Yeah, exactly. Like what the [ __ ] She makes no sense. I can tear that apart later.
I am a professional patient, so I can usually tell when when people have a uh when when people try to lie about stuff when they don't know what the [ __ ] they're talking about.
Well, good. Thank you. No problem.
Welcome in. Um, oh, that's so funny. I can't wait.
I can't wait. All right, let's find I now the dark the dark triad is interesting to me. Um, and the flying monkeys. I didn't get to get much into the flying monkeys of of everything. You know how she uh has all these people that really go to bat for her so hard and and they just end up looking foolish. Yes. All of us together have a lot of experience.
Um you're a paramedic so I see through her so easily. Okay. Yep. It's uh Did she go for the iron infusion? The nurses could have looked at her incision. I know. They could have told her exactly what to do, but no, she just walked in and said, "I need a CT scan cuz that sounds interesting and expensive."
So, okay, let me I'm at the wrong playlist.
educational.
Oh yeah.
Okay. Let me look.
Let's look at Let's see. Why Why do Did we watch this? Cuz it's I wa I can't It's hard to tell.
I don't know if we watch this, but it doesn't hurt to watch it again.
It's called Why Do Flying Monkeys Believe the Narcissist Stephanie. I really like this Stephanie Lynn coaching.
Um, all right.
Here, let's watch this one real quick.
She is a life coach, obviously.
>> Again, we are going to talk about flying monkeys. I feel like so often on this channel, we've talked about so many things over the years and someone actually messaged me on Instagram and they said, "I don't understand why these people or why this specific person actually why they even believe why do they even believe this person, meaning the narcissist, right?" So, it got me to thinking and I was like, you know what, like >> when we are getting out of these relationships, um we definitely have flying monkeys. We've heard that term before. Um, and so let's go over why this person just believes probably your ex or your family member or whatever.
They just believe the story right away.
Um, they can't see what you're seeing.
And so for you, it's so obvious. You're like, "Oh my god, why can't they see that this person is horrific?"
>> Massive frustration around here.
Massive. Like what are they? Do they believe them or are they lying for them or what is going on?
>> Toxic or unhealthy or self-absorbed or whatever. and they kind of just like buy into the story that this person um you know brings out to the world or displays to the world. And I know for a lot of people it can really frustrate them that they get really annoyed, upset, angry at the fact that there are people walking around that are just believing the lies and believing the stories and and spreading the rumors or >> Yes, Stephanie, it's really frustrating.
>> You know, bringing information back to that person like so whatever that looks like to you. So whether it is the person that's going to believe the smear campaign or the flying monkey that's kind of like in the cahoots with someone who's narcissistic, let's talk about it.
why these people just always tend to have these people around them that just enable the behavior. So if you don't know what a flying monkey >> almost no they do they do.
>> A flying monkey is a term that's used kind of like in the narcissism world that refers to a person that um here's a smear campaign. Now a smear campaign is done by someone who's narcissistic where it's basically just rumors and lies that the person is portraying out to the world to make themselves even look like the victim or it's a story that basically just helps them and it probably actually hurts you and makes you look like a problem. So that's the smear campaign is the story and the flying monkey is kind of like the person that's around the narcissist that keeps spreading the story around. And for a victim or you um it can be extremely frustrating that this person is just like in cahoots with this narcissist and just like going around and like reinforcing this narrative that like isn't true. So the first thing anyone who is entangled with someone who is narcissistic willow is such a silly question. Such a silly question, you know, that's all. She cannot help herself. She's addicted to the grift, honey.
And the fact that they just kind of like keep spreading this. They're only doing it because they are falling for the manipulation. So, either this person is an enabler and they completely understand who this person is and they're just going to enable their behavior, which is most likely going to be a lot of family members, um, or possibly even friends of that narcissist, or it's going to be some someone that quite frankly has been manipulated and believes the story on some level. So, as a narcissist kind of like starts this like smear campaign, which is basically just a bunch of like BS, a bunch of lies, um, a story that makes them look like they're the they're, you know, the victim and you're the problem. um the people that listen to the story, you know, I really believe that like intu I really believe that intuition speaks volumes. And if you're not a person that is very intuitive and you don't really get like a feeling or a vibe from someone, then chances are you're going to also be a person that's easily manipulated. So, there are going to be people that are going to smell the story a mile away and it's not going to really make sense to them or something feels kind of off or well this person does have traits at times, meaning the narcissist, of being a little egotistical and so not that I know this other person, but okay. You know, some people are going to quite frankly just be indifferent um because they don't really care at the end of the day. But other people are honestly going to really love the drama. And I know that sounds absolutely >> yes, the flying monkeys love the drama.
Even though they're saying, "Brittney, you should really do true crime.
Britney, you should really stop. Just ignore them." This they really don't want her to. I don't think I don't think what she's talking about putting her wish link back out there and has Oh my [ __ ] god, dude. I'm really tire I've heard a couple of little pieces where Oh, thank you. I'm going to use that for diapers. [ __ ] shut up.
Diapers at the hospital are free.
Just going to make another wish list because she missed time streaming. I Here it is. Here it Okay, we're going to learn about Okay.
>> And ridiculous, but a lot of people crave drama. And so, the person who is going to be the flying monkey is going to be the person that either is going to get manipulated where, oh my god, you poor thing. I can't believe this happened to you. They're going to be the enabler. or quite frankly they just want to get involved in the drama. And now someone who's narcissistic, their goal is to basically kind of start like, you know, letting these stories out. And as they start to like find people that really believe it and are getting a little bit involved in it, they're going to hook them in as these are going to be these are going to be the people that will then spread it even further.
>> You see, knowing your targets, knowing your marks is a scary scary tool of a narcissist. They can pick you out of a crowd. They just know. They know. They know. by the way you talk, by the way you respond, they know what they're doing and has claimed she hasn't and doesn't plan on returning any gift, but she's going to use everything she was gifted.
Okay.
Door Dash gift certificates. The [ __ ] I told you she'd be addicted. She's like, "Oh, you know, I had a just for this time. I'm going to get this delivered."
I'm like, "Bitch, no way. You're hooked now. You're hooked now."
So much to Door Dasher them as Cargo from Snails Es Cargo from a French restaurant. It would be fun. Oh my god, dude. Hi. Where's Freddy? Wait a minute.
Did I miss Freddy? Oh, Freddy.
Hi. Good to see you. I've missed you.
I've missed you all.
like two days away and you know she said people have sent her Door Dash gift certificates before. Yeah, it's just going to enable her to be lazier.
That's all. If I had a car, the [ __ ] I wouldn't be paying Door Dash for my grocery or it's I don't actually don't pay Door Dash. I pay Walmart. But yeah, Griff Beach. We'll point and laugh later. or at least believe them and kind of like make them feel better about themselves. Enablers. Now, here's the thing that is really important about flying monkeys and smear campaigns.
Again, if you're dealing with an enabler, they already know the truth.
So, trying to convince them that that narcissist was actually the problem, you're the victim, >> probably isn't going to happen. And you'll know that really, really quick.
If not, you probably already knew it from the very beginning because chances are it's going to be friends and family.
So, the person who is not the enabler, who just believes the manipulation, if they don't know you, chances are they're going to probably believe the smear campaign. And those people are irrelevant because that's something that you kind of have to get over because the ego is going to want to set the truth and like this isn't this is unfair and like I want justice and like how can this person do this and there are people out there that think that I'm the problem. You really have to let go of the fact that there are going to be people that are going to think that you're the problem. Now, I'm going to assume that the people that you care the most about that are really going to bother you and hurt you are going to be the people that do know you but are perhaps being a little manipulated by this person. So, one thing with the snare campaigns and flying monkeys is going to be if you're the victim, this story is going to infuriate you. It's going to annoy you so so bad. And you want everyone to like know the truth. And so, that's kind of like that ego part. The part that you really have to soothe is the ego that wants everyone to see your side and wants everyone to agree with you. Where everyone will actually see your side and actually see the truth is when you're almost like indifferent and remain really calm. You can 100% say and tell your side of the story, but there can't be an energy around it that you need this person to see it and agree on it.
>> We're not changing minds here, kids.
That's the that's you know like if you're trying to change minds it especially with flying monkeys you're not going it's not going to happen you know it's uh the primal queen um yeah so you you just got to it's a don't don't get like um I I need the the the syndrome of I need to convince you I need to convince you cuz it's probably you're probably just going to end up frustrated >> if you just state your truth >> and you are indifferent to who actually believes it because it's really irrelevant. That energy speaks volumes.
Whereas because remember you're dealing the narcissist, you're dealing with someone who's extremely manipulative. So they know how to play this game. They know how to tell a story and make it sound very very believable. Now, if you come in as the crazy that's demanding like I can't believe and you're acting all erratic or you're just so frustrated that anyone would believe it in general and this is the energy and space you're coming from, you're not going to you're not no one's really going to believe you in the same way as if you were just really calm and almost indifferent.
Because another thing that I always tell people is continue to be you.
>> Wait a minute. She's talking Why? Why is she talking about seed? Is she talking about granny?
Because that would be a really bad [ __ ] move. That would be a really bad move.
>> If you're a good person, if you're a healthy person, if you've always been, then people will see the true colors of >> this is my philosophy in life. Just going to be me.
And people will see if they care to watch.
They will see that I'm just being me.
And I don't have to convince anybody of anything.
PJ was just going to consist of some brains. No. Well, yeah. Then it's pointless.
>> Victim versus someone who's narcissistic. When you get to a really healthy place in your healing journey is when you honestly are completely indifferent to anything because you just know your own truth and it really is irrelevant who believes you're not. So, I hope this video has helped you understand why these people really believe this narcissist. Again, they're either enablers or they've already been manipulated by this person. And so, there are going to be some people that are just going to believe the the manipulation. They're too far gone.
they're not going to hear your side of the story because maybe perhaps they don't even know you and they're never going to actually even hear your side of the story. Um or the people that are going to hear hear your side of the story if you remain who you've always been is just filled with grace, filled with calm energy, knows who you are, completely confident, understanding that that was unhealthy and you can articulate yourself in a really beautiful way then and there's no emotion behind what's happened to you with that person, >> right? Chances are people are going to end up believing you because you don't match the character that this person portrayed you out to be. So, I hope that this has helped you.
>> Oh my god, that's going to be so good. That's going to be so good, Daria.
Yeah, I think the best way to get your your point across, you know, someone tells lies about you somewhat, you know, first of all, I I got a lot calmer and a lot less bothered when I just became willing to let people be wrong about me.
You know, I I don't need to prove anything to anyone. Um, you know, things I've done here in the past, things I've said, I've apologized for in many times, I've made amends, I've done what I could. Now, I'm just going to, you know, and I've learned and I've um grown from it. And I'm not going to be like that anymore here, you know. I'm just going to um without the emotion in it. You got to, you know, like I just don't uh I don't believe in in reacting to things with emotion, you know, like I I get myself all the way the [ __ ] calm, you know, like before I speak on it. So that has helped me tremendously.
Said it's not. No, it's not.
It's not because when it you know it if people are willing to believe lies about you without coming to you then I you know me me personally I don't I could care less believe the lies. That's why one of my famous little sayings around here is they love their lies. Some people just love their lies. Some people love believing the juicy shady [ __ ] you know, and they they don't want to hear the truth because it's not as fun, you know? It's not as fun or they've already made an ass of themsel believing that lie, you know? So, you know, like there's creators around here that have been telling the same [ __ ] lies for years. And it's frustrating because so many of us know that it's [ __ ] We know the truth.
We know it didn't happen that way because there's a lot of rewriting history. Um, and I just, you know, there's a lot of people here that, you know, I uh, yes, they're more interesting than real life.
And they, you know, and a lot of times it's lies about people they already don't like. So they they it it just feeds their narrative in their mind of who you are, you know. So if if if you know that's why I tell people if you have questions about me or my behaviors or what you've seen of me or what you heard, please come to me. I'm more I'm very approachable.
I I appreciate the hell out of anyone that says, "Hey, how do you I mean, you know, can you explain what happened or why did you do this?" Or, you know, they I appreciate anyone that asks me a question in in in the search for the truth. You know, they don't have to believe me, but I I appreciate them asking and wanting to hear my side. If you if you just want to believe lies about me and you don't want to hear my side, I don't give a [ __ ] I just don't.
You want to keep telling lies, you want to keep believing the lies, you're not that important to me at all. You know, like it just doesn't matter because the quality of person I want to hang out with is someone who actually wants to know the truth or an explanation or, you know, what really happened. You know, if you don't want to know what really happened, then you know, you're not my you're not my people. Just not my people.
So, let's see.
Delusions are the fad now. Leave me out.
Yes.
Hey, Mrs. America. Good to see you.
Let's see what other Let's see. Six signs. Victim mentality.
My last update.
Hannah and Jeep have started doing lives. Oh, of course they have. They've been over there trying to get subs, man.
Yeah. Yeah. Jada. Jada. I mean, if you know the truth, you can more easily deal with it. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Hi Kimmy, good to see you.
I'm having a very scattered live stream of just random psychology [ __ ] That's what's happening here today here. 10 things. This is looks like a good one, I think.
Ah, [ __ ] We watched that one. Hold on.
Why does that first one That's irritating.
All right. That's irritating. It's all hell.
Okay.
Um, let me find did that. I really should re remove these quick before I go on as I watch them. That would be the smart thing to do right here. Um, wait.
Dark triad.
Now, this I found this is a little short one. Um, who is involved? Wait, who's involved in what? I' gotta catch up.
Oh, um, the doctor you had on earlier has a video out with Valerie Burtonelli.
Really? Dr. is it Dr. Romani?
I think he's involved in the court link in the email.
informative day. I'm trying. I'm really trying.
I'm just very foggy today. I didn't even realize it was Tuesday.
Oh, you mean um are you talking about here? Let me catch up.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Definitely.
All right. Uh Um, I've had seven. Oh, here. This This should be interesting. I haven't even watched this yet. So, but the title the title got me. It's called um here it's Richard Granon. I'm going to subscribe. Um, seven things that frighten narcissists to their core.
I know. Me, too.
I I mine is too. I'm like, oh [ __ ] now I gota I'm trying to hem curtains. Okay.
Yes. Uh, we all need to be open to constructive criticism if we are running a channel. Opinions are like assho [ __ ] Everybody has one. We have to try not to take comments as an attack.
Yes. Yes. And if you're getting the same comment like over and over and you've kind of dismissed it before, if you're getting it over and over, there might's your sign. You know, here's your sign. I am absolutely open. I welcome constructive criticism because I just want to be a better YouTuber and I want to, you know, try to I I I like to take everyone everyone's feelings and thoughts into account.
Truth and truth about the narcissist key and they run. Yes, truth is truth is the biggest uh just wanted to check on Willow. She gave me a look. Don't bother me. am I as [ __ ] right now, right? She's feeling good now. Huh? Okay. All right. So, this is again, this is Richard Grand and I'll drop the link. We're watching this together for the first time. Seven things that frighten a narcissist to their core. Here's how we battle it.
>> Today's video where we will be looking at seven things that create narcissistic mortification and crisis in the narcissist worldview. The key to understanding narcissistic personality disorder is that the entire formation of the personality is based around a false self. So they have a hyper idealized vision of themselves that protects them from the realities of the >> Yes, they do.
I will Can you please remind me if you're here at the end? I will definitely do I will definitely do that.
Um, but yes, I I was trying to find I'm gonna find a video that like people that think they're one thing and they're not because like Britney her sense of who like what she appear what her her what how she appears to the world is [ __ ] insane to me. Like how do you not see this? You know what I'm saying? Like it's it's crazy. It's it's it's mindblowing to me >> world. So basically all of these are a reflection of when reality creeps.
>> Yes. Anyone here at the end, please remind me to play the song again.
>> In it defies the reality of the false self and causes the narcissist to wake up to the fact that they're living inside of a delusion. And this creates mortification and can spiral the narcissist into complete crisis. Tactic number one, the narcissist thinks of themselves as being compelling, superior, attractive, wonderful, charismatic. So when you defy that vision of themselves as being allimportant, the center of the universe, magnetically seductive and attractive, and you cease to offer them that feedback, you cease to keep them in that place and you defy that. Maybe you stop chasing after them.
Maybe you don't reply to their calls.
Maybe they you just let them know >> rejection. That's never good. Never good. If to a narcissist >> through your meta communication that you're not particularly impressed by them and you don't particularly need them in your life, you show them they're non-essential. That is the first strategy. Strategy number two, when you do anything that goes outside of their fixed view of you. So, you will notice it's very frustrating when dealing with somebody with narcissistic personality disorder because they're very rigid.
They're very stubborn. They're very stiff and they're particularly stiff in their view of the external world and you are part of that world. They don't see you as a separate person. In the narcissist world, there is one human them and then there are objects. There are just things.
>> Yes. Things. Pawns. Yes. Yes. That's crazy. They're just one person. Yeah.
>> Just in when they get to know you, they have a very this uh false self of themselves. This view of themselves is all all powerful, all beautiful, all knowing, very important, very special. But then they also seem to have like a false view of other people, particularly their intimate partners, particularly their children.
>> Yes.
>> A false view of their their partners.
I'm dead.
>> Particularly people that they're working with closely, their view of you will probably be off in quite a significant way. Typically along a long enough timeline in a relationship with a narcissist, I'm sure you will have seen examples of this yourself, they will reveal to you that their perception of you is quite significantly wrong. So they will say something like, "Oh, you're the type of person who would always X or I know that you love to do Y." And then you think to yourself, I would never do X. I absolutely loathe why. Where are you getting this from?
But they say it with absolute certainty.
So they have the false self that protects them from the world, but then they also have a false or delusional vision of you as their intimate partner, as their spouse, as >> we may have to pivot, willows. I It's just too It's just too tempting >> as a their child, their or or parent, it's fake. So when you show them that they're delusional by acting outside of their rigid, simplistic, fixed view of you, this can also generate narcissistic mortification. Now remember, this fixed view of you is drawn in crayon by a child. This is a childish, toddleresque, delusional world view. So their view of you will probably be sort of um embarrassingly cringe-inducingly archetypal or stereotypical.
We're all evil and diabolical and demonic, >> rooted in weird ethnic fallacies and and gender fallacies and just a very rigid uh uh view of who you are. A very caricatured caricatured view of the other person. The third strategy is when you do the reverse uno, >> oh my god, reverse uno.
Oh my god.
>> And you reverse it. So ultimately in the relationship with the narcissist, the purpose of the narcissistic relationship is to draw you in and get you close to them so that ultimately they can get rid of you. This is always the end goal.
Otherwise, you're not talking about narcissistic personality disorder, you're talking about something else. So the end goal, no matter which route we go to get there, whether it's because of friends or political views or something you allegedly did or said, you were always going to be discarded. You were not chosen to be with. You were chosen to be with and then to discard.
>> Whoa.
This is wild, man. This is W. You're always chosen to be discarded. That's >> so this is always the end goal. Now, when I say play the reverse UNO card, what do I mean? If you do that to them, if you devalue them and you discard them, and when you devalue them, look, you can't fake it. I mean, this is a very childish and very impressionable personality disorder. It's not particularly street smart or savvy or or good with people which is why they why it's maladaptive and why they have so much trouble but they do understand meta communication very well because they are hypervigilant. Meta communication is not the content of what you're saying so much as the way you're saying it. Your tone of voice, your register, your volume, your body language, your micro expressions on your face, everything else. So if you genuinely devalue them, it will show in your meta communication.
If you genuinely start looking at them like, "Wow, I thought you were really smart, but it's becoming apparent you're a bit of a dummy." Or, "I thought you were really compelling or powerful.
>> What happened to you, Irish, >> or charismatic, and it turns out you're actually quite a dull, fraudulent charlatan who repeats themselves a lot and tells lots of lies, then you're automatically and spontaneously going through the devaluation phase. They'll feel that and it will put them into an anxiety. It starts to create narcissistic mortification. If you then ultimately go from devaluing, which is what they were going to do to you and you discard them, this devalue and discard is not emotional. It's not emotional. There isn't there is >> no it's like a playbook. It's like a se it's like a a [ __ ] pre-planned thing apparently.
But and there they Yeah, we woke up.
That's what >> isn't an opposite to adoration. So you don't go from I adore you to I despise you. Now they feed off all that because if you despise >> No. The opposite of love is not hate.
The opposite of love is indifference.
That's was a lesson hard learned for me.
>> Somebody you're like you're my nemesis.
You're the, you know, Satan to my Jesus or whatever your thing is. You're creating more drama and there's more there's more emotion. They don't care whether you love them or you hate them as long as they are significant. This renders them.
>> See, did you hear that? It doesn't matter if you love them or hate them as long as they're significant.
>> Insignificant.
Anything that renders them insignificant causes them to experience the death. The false self loses energy. It powers that go.
with powers down and they panic because they feel like they're dying because that's all they have is their false delusional self. Hello folks, hope you're enjoying the video so far. If you want to know more about how to get yourself out of a narcissistically abusive relationship forever and to move on with the rest of your life and be a happy, healthy human being, I have a course for you. It's called the Unplug from the Matrix of Narcissistic Abuse.
>> Unplug from the matrix of narcissistic abuse. Because you know what? I see a lot of people like you think of all the mods that left Britney. All the people that have led left Britney and it's I see I see there's still people here that struggle a lot with it and are still angry. They still feel a type of way over the whole situation. And it it bums me out because it's like you just really cared about her and really believed her or were really invested somehow, you know, and you just can't believe it. Like you're still still a lot of people around here still dealing with it, you know, still dealing with it. And it it was for a lot of people it was very it was it's like it's an abusive relationship, you know. It's It's awful >> course and it's available from the more information bar and this link up above my head here. Thank you. Here is step number four. Again, we're circling around the defiance of the false self.
So, let's imagine that the narcissist is somewhere on the spectrum between narcissism and psychopathy, which is common. They're boundary breakers. They push the limits. They'll >> they tend to be a little self-destructive as well. So they tend over time to overplay their hand. So let's say >> yes >> that they've started moving into a realm where they do not really have expertise.
Let's say that they're moving into an area where they don't have that much >> oh like trying to tell us what's going on medically with her like that 94 94 degrees. That sounds like it's like cuz talk to them once you agreed to their abuse.
Yeah. And you don't want to be so very wrong about it. Makes you question your judgment. It really really does. It's like I thought I really had a pretty good, you know, um I I really thought I could could um I believed if I thought I could trust, you know, I believed my intuitions about people. And it really just makes you question and not trust your own judgment. And that's a really hard thing to deal with. Like how could I have been so foolish? How could I have not seen this? You know, and and it's really takes a it really takes a hit on you. You really take a hit emotionally >> experience and they don't have that much control and they actually start to make mistakes.
>> Yes, those are our favorite when she makes mistakes.
So if you point out that they're making big mistakes or you let them know subtly in a non-emotional way that you're aware that some of the things that they've told you are simply wrong and you can prove not so it's not you defying them because that becomes an ego battle. They can ego battle all day and let's face it, they're probably better than you or I are at winning ego battles. So you don't ego battle. What I recommend is if it's a strategy is you subtly let them know that you're aware of a source that contradicts most of what they say and that proves them you have proof cast iron proof that some of the things that they've said are simply wrong. They're hyper.
>> And that's what we do here when we talk to Chad, right? We ask Chad because he knows better than BJ does.
Yeah.
Never mind. Just watch and listen. Yeah.
>> Vigilant. So, they'll constantly be looking. If you're the significant other, they'll constantly be looking to see who and what you're aware of and the content you're aware of and to see if their little if the con, the charlatanism of the false self that they're imposing on you is working. I'm amazing. I'm very clever.
>> No, it doesn't seem to help um with BJ in particular. It's like, "No, I mean, we I I do it over here, you know, like I'll say,"No, this is false because blah, blah, blah." And my whole chat will be saying, "Nope, this is false." And it doesn't make her stop, but we're going to see what dude's going to say.
>> I know about this, that, the other thing. I'm qualified in this, that, the other thing. And then you sort of subtly go, "Yeah, I know. I actually know that that's not true. And I know that some of the things you've said are wrong, and this is how." But you don't say it directly, you'll drive them completely insane because the idea that they could be wrong.
>> That's why that this is why she doesn't that's why people get blocked in her chat, that she will not talk to anyone who is not like a safe person to talk to that's not going to just run with her narrative and believe her and yes her. And that's why she isolates her or insulates herself from anyone that's going to do this publicly on online here. She she will not, you know, she'll just you just get blocked. You know what I mean? If I were to go into her chat, because I I don't believe I'm blocked in there because I don't go in there, but if I were to go in there and say, "Well, they don't generally do a CAT scan for infection to look for infection. They'll do blood work."
you know, she would double down and say, "Well, they did it to me." You know, because she's a special snowflake. Or if I continued to refute what she's saying, I would just get blocked. You know, she insulates herself >> on defies the false self and creates that narcissistic mortification.
What I've observed is under these circumstances, the next phase that they will go into is rage. and they will then start viciferously attacking the source that has proved them to be wrong. That's a sign you've got them by the short curies. The fifth strategy I'm going to recommend directly switches off the false self. If you want to directly uh go to the false self and reduce it in power, you must cease to feed them supply. So you stop >> offering them supply. There is now no more supply. But back here again, you render them insignificant. It is not a >> It's called the gray rock.
She's always looking for the next one.
This is my favorite. The gray rock. Just [ __ ] cut them off, man. No supply. I will not be your supply. There's a couple weirdos here that really, really want me to be their supply and they get nothing. question of shifting from adoration and worship and respect to rudeness and and loathing and disrespect and contempt. That's not the point. You don't do that. You simply turn down all emotional content. That's for my Bruce Lee fans. All emotional content. You turn it down. So there's no longer like this emotionality to your relating to them. You kind of let it you find them a little bit boring. and that you're sort of politely enduring their philosophizing, their self arandizing.
You, if you've had a narcissist in your life, you'll know they they frequently go into these mini speeches like a almost like a stand-up comedian doing a bit or a politician who does like an essay where they'll be like, I'm the type of person who always and then they start self- lionizing and self arandizing and saying how wonderful and moral and, you know, committed to whatever principle. just a girl who loves Jesus >> all they are. So if you start, you know, sort of pulling away from that emotionally, you reduce the supply because you're reducing your emotional content.
>> When you respond with upset, when you beg for mercy, when you cry, when you are outraged, when you threaten them with dire consequences, when you >> Yeah, they love that [ __ ] >> You shake with all of that is emotional content. So you don't want that. Is there a supply?
>> Must turn down the supply by detaching emotionally. The sixth strategy that we have is the healthiest strategy is when you get on with your own life.
>> Get on with it.
>> Yes, >> there is um a a really difficult tendency, unfortunate tendency I should say, in narcissistically abusive relationships because of course they've brainwashed you. You've been with them and they've brainwashed you into sort of uh turning your face like a sunflower.
That's not what a sunflower looks like.
It's a flower.
>> Sunflower.
>> Okay, we agree. That's a flower. Let's put a smiley face. Yay.
>> Into turning your face to the sun.
>> So, the sunflower always turns its face to the sun. And they've grabbed you by the head and gone, "Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me." Over and over and over and over again. across a long enough timeline, your brain becomes conditioned to think, I must look like a child to a parent to what they think, to what they're doing because they're the source of significance and meaning in my world. This is a deliberate brainwashing technique to break down your ego boundaries and to put them at the center of the universe. When you train yourself away from this, which um I can teach you how to do, but it it does take time.
Realistically, breaking this uh um brainwashing does it's going to take months.
I can do that for you within the unplug from the matrix of narcissistic abuse course. I don't know where where your level is, but for most people, I would say inside of 3 months if you're committed, you can start to undo this tendency to be looking at them for significance in your life. Even if you're in no contact with them, even if you, >> you know, other good advice is just to if you have a therapist, talk with them, you know, and we are not professionals here, but um I would suggest I I worked through all of this with my therapist. She she specializes in trauma. Um I just came from your training. Yeah. Nope. No shame here. Um she's a trauma. I have a trauma therapist. I've had I've been with her for like eight years, nine years and I've worked through all of this with her, you know. So, it's to me it has worked and it's taught me so much.
>> Haven't heard from them in three months.
You're still going to the internalized object you have of them >> because that's the traumatic impact they've had in your life. You split up with them two years ago, but you're still turning to them inside of your mind like a good loyal little sunflower.
Don't do that. You face the direction you want to go in. You don't look at the false sun of them. You look towards the real light in life and you get on with your life. If you can go and get on with your life with no need to go back to them and no need to send them texts checking in with them or trying to resolve things or trying to get your uh your closure, they will realize that and you will defy their false self as being all significant and all powerful and all attractive and at the center of the universe and you will create narcissistic mortification like that as well. Step seven, again we end with healthy messaging. And this is the most powerful thing that you can do. When you've spent a lot of time being brainwashed by a narcissist, you will be reduced to their narcissistic level of thinking. It's a terrible shame, but it's the way it works. Okay, so a narcissistic toddlerish childish level of thought, you'll be like, "They stole my toy from me and I have to and they broke it. Now I have to steal toys, two toys from them and break them."
>> That's not you. That's them thinking like that.
>> Your ambition should not be to take revenge on the narcissist. Should not be to torture or punish the narcissist. I release videos with titles like that.
It's purely clickbait. And then when you watch the video, I drive people through to here and here. What's this? What's this? What's the opposite of wanting to punch the narcissist back and to show them that you're bigger than them and better than them? What's the opposite of that? doesn't matter because you're not engaging in this tit fortat battle. All you need to do is to become an adult, become raise your consciousness, individuate and use this as an opportunity in your life now to become a more emotionally mature individual.
>> It's a crisis. It's come through a relationship with a family member, a romantic relationship, or a relationship at work. mainly these are the three uh vectors through which people come to my videos because they're the victims of narcissistic abuse.
If you want to continue on with your life and you want to get on with it and you want to be not just surviving but thriving then >> thriving >> become more adult become more individuated in the young sense and become more emotionally mature. this.
>> Oh, I love Carl Young.
>> Will drive them completely insane because I think not consciously but an >> Yes. Because the last thing they want you to do is become independent as opposed to dependent >> unconscious level. They kind of want you to be a version of them. Mhm.
>> It's um like a horror movie lore, horror movie, horror books, uh uh fantasy mythology. They sort of want the zombie bites you, you become a zombie. The white walker kills you, you become a white walker.
>> It's like they want you to see everything through their lens in life.
You know, they want you to be good little sheeple.
The vampire sometimes in some law bites you but then feed and drinks some of your blood and then feeds you back some of their blood and you either become a vampire or you become like a half vampire depending on which world you're in. So there's a desire to turn you into them. It satiates the ego. It's like they're looking to have a an army of brainwashed zombie undead. Oh, it's almost like I just said that >> white walker vampire followers behind them with them as the king or queen and them as the leader. So when you individuate, you're going, "Nope, I'm not doing that. I'm a person separate to you." And this is where I'll end it.
That is the ultimate defiance.
>> It is.
>> I am a human being separate to you. I existed before you and I will exist after you. You were one short dull chapter in my life.
>> There you go.
>> Is the worst narcissistic injury you could possibly inflict.
>> You were one. Listen to that again.
>> Separate to you. I existed before you and I will exist after you. You were one short dull chapter in my life. That is the worst narcissistic injury you could possibly inflict. Get on with your life.
Become more adult, individuate, become more emotionally mature, and live the best life that you can. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for your time and for your attention and I look forward to speaking to you again.
>> All right. So, that link is in the chat.
Yes, a spiritual intuitive empath. So, I'm careful. Yes, it's very easy to absorb other people when you're not aware you're doing it, you know, like it's it and it gets you stuck. And codependency is what they aim for. They do. Absolutely. And they want, you know, they want your complete devotion.
Absolutely.
All right.
I hate when it sets me like that. There we go.
All right.
All right. Let's see what else we got it. Whoops.
There we go. Look through this again.
And you know a lot of it a lot of the reasons we do things or become things it's a lot of us have trauma and it's just it's rooted in that. It's how we've learned to deal based on how our upbringing or a a relationship or an experience. It's like we have to first we have to first um yeah we have to first uh know ourselves and understand ourselves and understand what what you know what traumas we're dealing with. And that's that's where I recommend starting because when you un understand yourself, then you can understand why you react to certain things or gravitate towards certain people and you can start breaking that down, you know, breaking that pattern.
Okay, this is from Sprouts and someone mentioned the dark triad in here the other day and I just wanted to give a simple explanation of what that um what that means. So, this is from Sprouts and I'll put the link in the chat.
All right, here we go.
>> Presents in psychology, the dark triad represents three personality traits: narcissism, psychopathy, and macavevelianism.
If we were to ask the three, who has the darkest personality? The narcissist would say me. The psychopath would say, I don't care. and the Mcavelian would say, "It's whoever I wanted to be."
People scoring high on the three traits are more likely to commit crimes and create severe social problems in society, families, and organizations.
This is why the research on the dark triad is used widely in law enforcement, psychology, and business. Here is an overview of what we know.
The narcissist displays grandiosity, entitlement, and superiority, and wants nothing more than admiration. Once he gets what he wants, the narcissist is rarely interested in other people.
>> Exactly.
It's me, me, me, me, me. I don't care about you.
>> When he does care, it's to enhance his status, which is why he likes to mingle with successful others. They seem as though they're completely in love with themselves, but at the root of their inflated egos are often deeply held feelings of inferiority.
To protect their constructed self, they can never admit to being wrong, which is why they lie or blame others.
Mcavelians are unprincipled, cold, and have a cynical view of other human beings. They like money, power, and winning. And they use manipulation to get what they want or exploit others.
>> So that's Mackie being Machioon. I will let me back it up a second.
>> View of Machavevelians are unprincipled, cold, and have a cynical view of other human beings. They like money, power, and winning. And they use manipulation to get what they want or exploit others.
If manipulation doesn't work, they steal or betray. Those high on the spectrum believe it's better to be feared than being liked and defend others as a strategy to control them.
>> Defend others as a strategy to Yeah.
When you are a psychopath, you come across as cold and others think you are scary. You also show little to no fear, act impulsively, and you enjoy mental thrills. Those high on the spectrum don't form any emotional bonds. The result is a complete lack of compassion.
That means they have no problem being mean. If something terrible happens, they later often don't feel any remorse or guilt.
The research tells us that men score significantly higher on all three compared to women. And while the oops, sorry, >> these three personalities areir distinct, they do overlap. Clinically, both narcissism and psychopathy are regarded as mental disorders while macavelianism isn't.
Whether nature or nurture is responsible for these traits has been somewhat answered by twin studies that show that narcissism and psychopathy have substantial genetic components.
Machavelianism seems to be less prevalent in pairs of twins. However, the environment also matters. A psychopath may not only pass down his genes but influence a child by being a role model. A Mcavelian father shares with his son not only genetic material but might also show him all his tricks.
The son of a narcissist not only gets his dad's chromosomes but may also experience his perfectionism with the big five person >> like the the I've always um wondered you know I've always said things like well that person to me like when I'm judging them in my head because I always do that [ __ ] when I'm diagnosing people in my head I'm sorry it's just a [ __ ] thing I just like when I see problematic people I want to know what makes them tick. But the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is Hey Amber.
Hey Jen Sparky. Good to see you both.
Um, difference between a sociopath and a psychopath is a sociopath is created and a psychopath is born.
So just FYI >> traits also known as ocean. The three correlate either positively or negatively. Narcissists and psychopaths are often open to new ideas and extroverted. Psychopaths and machavelians have low conscientiousness.
All three personality types score low on agreeableness and psychopaths are hardly neurotic. Whatever happens leaves them cold.
An evolutionary explanation for these traits could be sexual strategy. Many of us pursue a slow life, invest in long-term relationships, have a few children, and spend time on parenting.
Dark triad traits may have survived because they looked to optimize a fast life. Their ancestors lived in an unpredictable and dangerous world.
Because of a shorter life, they sought many sexual partners, spent no time on parenting, and did not invest in human relationships.
Hold up. Let me hear that part again.
Here. Listen to this.
>> Arc triad traits may have survived because they looked to optimize a fast life. Their ancestors lived in an unpredictable and dangerous world.
Because of a shorter life, they sought many sexual partners, spent no time on parenting, and did not invest in human relationships.
This may also explain why they strive in competitive environments such as corporations. Here, a Machavevelian may use charm and insult to manipulate others. The narcissist is physical appearance and a psychopath physical threats. And since they all lack compassion, they often elbow their way to the top, which is maybe why all three dark traits are well represented in upper level management.
But there are also downsides. If your mind was programmed to be impulsive, aggressive, and selfish, you are also more likely to abuse drugs, feel excluded, suffer from depression, or end up in jail. This is why we may not only find ways to protect ourselves from these darker minds, but also have empathy for them. After all, maybe they didn't choose to be that way.
>> What about you? Did you inherit some dark triad traits? And if that's the case, and if you are aware of them, did you develop strategies to cope with them? Share your thoughts in the comments below and read the description to dig deeper and scolding me the 80s. That's [ __ ] hilarious.
All right, so that's a little bit about the dark triad. It's overlapping traits of mchavelanianism, psychopathy, and narcissism.
It is a very dark triad, I got to say.
All right.
Do you guys have a certain topic you'd like to >> hear about? We'll do one more and then maybe we'll look at her live couldn't have been too long. The 90s. No [ __ ] They were all rough. They were all rough.
They were all good, too.
>> Hello everyone. I'm D. Today's topic comes >> all good.
Let's see.
Oh, let me just look at what else I saved in here.
Here we got a cluster B.
Let's see.
Well, this was interesting to me, too, actually. Black and white thinking, which >> I went to sleep with gum in my mouth, and now there's gum.
>> I refer to it as splitting. Well, a lot of people refer to it as splitting, but um video on surviving the narc. Okay, surviving the narc. All right.
Hello everyone. I'm Darham again.
Today's topic comes from a question asking what is meant by the term dry begging.
Now, this is something that can come up in families, relationships, workplaces, social media, sometimes society in general.
This talks a lot about the discard recovering from realizing.
This looks like a good one, actually.
How about recovering from realizing your life with a narcissist was a lie?
Looks like a good one.
Here, here we go. Let's do this one.
Welcome, demix ways to help get over the narcissist discard.
All right, subscribe. Melanie Tonia Evans. Let me while I'm looking at it, type it in because I'll forget it as soon as it goes off the screen.
All right.
All right. Let's do this.
A Thrive to Thrive TV, where you learn not just about narcissists and narcissistic abuse, but how to heal for real.
Narcissistic discard is shocking. It is so horrible. And when it happens to people, you will probably feel like you're dying. And I'm not kidding about that. And a narcissist intends it to feel this way because in discard, >> you know what? in in regards to my husband that was that happened to me and I literally did think I was dying for like a year. I was gutted. So yes, absolutely took a lot of time to Yeah. How to survive psychopaths. Okay.
Hi Lacyanne.
I will look for that.
>> They love to punish and inflict maximum emotional injury. Today, I want to share with you six powerful ways to help you get over the narcissistic discard. And you really need to know about this. But before I do, I just want to say thank you for helping support this channel. I am so grateful for that.
>> And please remember to share and like this video with those that you know are suffering from narcissistic abuse and don't know yet how to heal from it.
Okay. So to begin our conversation today, let's lay down some fundamental framework first about why the discard is so painful and why it can feel virtually impossible to get over if you don't know how to. All right, we're going to have a look at the cruelty of the narcissist discard.
This is the thing. You feel like a rug is pulled out from underneath you because a narcissistic discard can come out of nowhere. And often this happens in the cycle that is so famous with narcissists which is idolize, devalue and discard. Now you may not real >> idolize, devalue, discard. Got it?
>> It but it's actually a cycle of violence. And how it works is is that there is an event, an abusive event with a narcissist, and then you're going to split up or you or either they're going to leave or you're going to pull away or some kind of separation happens. And then in the cycle, what happens is generally you get back together and you reunite. So, it could be you because you're feeling so empty and lonely and hurt that you'll go back and hand over more of your rights and your boundaries.
Or maybe the narcissist will hook you back in or they'll love bomb you.
>> Hundreds of times you go back and just hand yourself over some more.
>> Yep. Yep. Yep.
>> Well, something will happen and you >> Thank you, Lacyanne, for gifting a membership. Fatty Fatty. Got it. Fatty fatty 2x4 up you.
All right, another tater is born. Thank you, Lacyanne.
>> Reunite. And you may think, especially in the earlier days, oh good, we've got some kind of understanding and some kind of solution here and we're all loved up and everything's great.
>> And it actually can feel like it's the most settled time in your relationship.
like, "Oh my gosh, we're back together.
It's all good." But it's almost like the Jaws music because it's kind of >> Hi, Curious. Good to see you, honey. I hope you're well. Did you finish that treehouse?
Do you guys feel you continue to fall for an arcs? I If if there's no Yeah, if there it's it be it is definitely can become a pattern. It's like what you're drawn to based on usually your life experiences and you know probably trauma probably you know that kind of thing. So yeah for sure for sure it's you got to really work on the psychology of yourself you know almost there huh okay I can't wait to see it sounds good. All right, here we go.
>> Like there's this tension underneath and then all of a sudden there's this blow up out of nowhere and then another discard happens and it can completely and utterly shock you. And a narcissistic discard is nasty. You can be completely flawed by the level of indifference and even hatred >> that will come with a narcissistic discard. It's like you're adored one moment, then you're abhored the next, you know. Oh, abhor. Don't say it cuz we're all abhorrent, you know.
Oh, >> you're either the best thing since poached eggs or you're just the worst enemy on the planet. And the narcissist can smear you to others so horrifically.
>> And a narcissist will usually discard.
There's a various amount of reasons why this stuff really starts happening. The final discard can absolutely happen when he or she sucked you and your life dry and there's no more resources and energy to get from you. And >> yes, that's what happened with me and my husband. Like he realized there was just no more lying to me. Like he couldn't tell me anything new. Like I wasn't buying his [ __ ] anymore, you know?
So then it was time to find a new younger version of you. And that's what he did. So, and it was [ __ ] terrible.
Kids father made me psychotic proof. I had the rage inside of me. Yes.
Yes. I was so angry, you know. And then, well, I'll talk about that one day. But, you know what I did? I prayed for him.
And you're going to think, "Fuck that.
I'm not doing it." But you know what? I just every time I go get angry, I know I left and came back more times than I can count, too. But um what I did was every time I would get angry or feelings would come up where I [ __ ] hated him and I was so angry, I would say, you know what? I wish nothing but the best for you. I hope no harm comes to you and I forgive you. And I would say it out loud. I had it written down. I had a whole little prayer written down written down. It was short, but it that basically is what it said. And um I faked it until I made it, you know, and I continued to work on myself in the background, you know, like but that's what I just that's just what I did every time the feelings would come up.
Sometimes it was several times a day.
Um, but it it worked and finally I got to the point where I was indifferent, where I just didn't care anymore. And it was like, when did this happen? You know, cared more about the 90-year-old he was abusing than him. Or, oh, I bet I bet you can't care about anybody but them.
Maybe you are so sick or you virtually need to be hospitalized or you are needing care because you're so smashed to pieces. And that's not in the narcissist playbook at all. It's about them getting stuff off you, not the other way around. And if there's nothing more to get, well then a narcissist can move on because it's time for them as the parasite that they are to find another source of narcissistic supply.
Or you have called out the narcissist's false self.
>> You understand what's going on and you're starting to take your power back.
and the gig is up. And then a narcissist knowing that you may expose them or you've had enough or you're going to get away. They may This is how all the different mod chats happen with Britney, right? It's like, okay, you're moved over to this one because you were starting to become a little troublesome, you know? It's a whole [ __ ] And it's just instinct, you know? It's just instinct.
>> They deliver the preemptive strike first. so that they can say that they broke up with you and it was all your fault in order to retain the image of their false self. You know, they're the good sinner did this to me. Your sinner did this to me. He had to go do a live stream all about our our breakup that happened in person. Like I said, I'm leaving. You know, this ain't cool. And he had to go do a live stream. It's like, okay, because he wants his story out there. You know what I mean? He wanted what he, you know, he wanted to, you know, put the narrative out there and rewrite it in his own way. And it was ridiculous. I didn't even, >> you know, it's like, okay, I see what you're doing, but whatever.
>> The good girl, and it's all your fault, and they needed to get rid of you for all of the reasons of usually what they are doing, and they project it onto you and twist it and turn it and smear you for it.
>> Mhm. Or this card can be used as a tactic to punish you.
>> Yeah.
>> To get you to acquies.
>> You're not allowed in this chat anymore.
You're moved over. You're demoted to a different chat >> to get you to hand over more of your rights and your boundaries. Or they may discard you because the cracks have appeared in your relationship and they're starting to um toggle. They're starting to, you know, the they're what's the word? They're trying to place their bets somewhere else. They're hedging their bets. That's what I was looking for. They're trying out other supply on the side while pushing you away momentarily, yet keeping you hanging there in the wings as well.
>> In case they need you, in case they need you.
They're looking for others, but in case they need you, you're not completely useless yet.
>> Really cruel stuff. breaking up with a narcissist or even having a separation break with them. It's not pleasant. It's not simple. It's not accommodating. It's not caring. It's not sane. It's not mature. And it is certainly not something you can just click your fingers and get over or deal with easily. Hence why it is so important for you to know the following six things that are going to be able to help you get over this.
The first one is that I would really love you to do and it really does help is start to get clear about your values and your truths.
And you need to do this because it's very very difficult to accept the end of a narcissistic relationship. There's been so much trauma in there. But it can get easier to accept the end of a terrible relationship when you get clear that this person never represented your values and your truths. And many of us before Thrive or Recovery did not know what our values and where our truths are. Especially when you're busy surviving with a narcissistic personality. At the start, there was all this idolized, you know, stuff that felt so amazing. But what happens is you're having to deal with them and their distorted personality as time goes on.
And you can be so caught up in that, you don't even know who you are or your values or your truth.
>> Yes. Yes. You don't know who you are.
I didn't know who I was after my marriage. I didn't know who I was. I had to find me. You know, I knew I was in there somewhere, but I had to weed through a lot of [ __ ] >> In Discard, it can be really good to sit down and list the things that hurt you that you've received from a narcissist.
And these are things like pathological lying, failing to take personal responsibility, projecting blame onto you for what they do, abusive actions and words, disloyalty, infidelity, the list goes on and on. And you know what your list is, >> the stuff they've done to you that's just ridiculous. Now sit down and write reversing the list. And your list is going to look like things such as what do you need and want? Honesty, humility, authenticity, the ability to take personal responsibility and actually be sorry and remorseful for bad behavior.
Things like kindness, care, the desire to build solutions with you, loyalty, monogamy.
Get very clear these are your true values.
Were you receiving these in a rel in the relationship? No. Does this person have the capacity or even the desire to embody the character of somebody who can meet these values? No. Do they have the desire or the capacity to do teamwork with you and work at solution building to have a healthy relationship? No.
You need to understand that these are baseline requirements for any relationship to work. You're not asking somebody to fly to the moon, >> right? Those are not unrealistic expectations.
Um, yeah, I forgot what I was going to say, but yeah, >> these are basic relationship fundaments in any relationship, whether it be a friendship, a work relationship, a family healthy relationship, a love intimate partner relationship. That's the fundamental relationship. So please, in these terrible throws of discard, >> start to look at this squarely when you've got some space and realize that you aren't losing a real relationship.
>> Yes.
>> Rather, you're being granted the opportunity to heal from a relationship that was anything but real and healthy.
And now it can be your time to be, >> you know, and then the mask slips, but you're hooked. And that's generally like in my marriage I always thought we could go back to I thought that was the person that I fell in love with and I thought that it turns out it was just it was pretend a lot of pretending you know.
Put a one in chat if you think Amber's a narcissist.
No, Amber is very smart when it comes to things like this. Amber and I have similar similar very similar experiences with our marriages.
>> Step free to heal so that you will be able to be able to choose and and co-articipate in human relationships that do have the fundamentals and the capacity to be healthy. Okay. So, number two, >> you know, like I asked my therapist I a million times because I never believed her. I'm like, "So, did he really like who I was or did?" She's like, "Nope." She wouldn't even let me finish the question. Nope. He chose you.
Nope. He chose you. Nope. And I'm like, "Did he really understand what he was doing?" "Oh, absolutely." And I'm like, "No way." I just could for years I couldn't believe it. But and and I forgave him so many things because he was severely abused as as a child. And I thought he just does this because he's he doesn't you know he's he's been abused. And I would make excuses for him and I would think I'm the only one that truly understands. You're back now till the groomer calls. Okay. I would make excuses and say, "Well, he doesn't know any better. He doesn't he's just hurt."
Blah blah blah. I would make all the excuses in the world. And it's like, no.
Well, yeah, you know, he by now he's how he's an adult. You know, it's time. I've offered to get him hooked up with with I know you I know you are. I know you're kidding, honey. Um I would, you know, tell him, "You need to get you need to get help. you need to well I will you know and he'd pretend he was going to do it and things would calm down and then we'd forget and sink back into our routine and you know it's like the whole cycle begins again >> is about turning inwards to consolidate your relationship with yourself >> yes >> all right so as much as you may start to logically understand how important number one is your values and your truths it's so likely that some part of was triggered and feels terrible, anxious, scared, and panicked, or completely and utterly lost and depressed, and you're feeling horribly unloved as a result of being discarded.
Or maybe you've pulled away and the narcissist isn't even trying to do anything to come back into your life and make amends, which means that you absolutely feel unloved and unworthy of love. This is so normal. This is a big issue >> because they have you. They over the course of time they slowly and methodically make you dependent solely on them for their for your you know everything emotionally maybe financially maybe you know that is so when they're gone it's like oh my god yeah you know like what do I do now like what the [ __ ] you feel like just a mess >> with this it's really normal but it can so easily betray read it because Thrive Healing, which is what all of my work is about and what I stand for, is all about taking your power and your soul back.
And this starts by getting your focus off the narcissist and deeply and firmly into the recovery of yourself.
All right. So as per the understanding of point number one, ascertaining your values and your truths and what's necessary for a healthy relationship, it's helpful to accept as quickly as possible, you can't make an unmakable deal work.
>> If somebody doesn't have the capacity and the desire to be a team player in healthy relationship and have care and consideration for others, which includes you, then there's no possibility of a safe and a healthy relationship with this person. So you can't change them into having capacity and character to be that person. So really what this leaves you with is the only person that you've got the power to change which is you. So this leaves you with healing you.
And as heartbreaking and souls shattering as narcissistic abuse is, it absolutely provides an incredible opportunity to finally make it right between us ourselves and source. which is meaning our connection to our own higher power and our own connection to self life and others which is really the holy spiritual self trinity. And there's an enormous shift that starts to occur that can put you directly in the driver's seat of your own healing when you make the transition willingly from the victimized stance of all the horrible things that have happened to me to what part of myself, what unhealed part of myself was participating in this and what unhealed part of myself was hanging on and trying to change and fix somebody else so that I could feel whole and have a self that was filled with love, approval, survival, insecurity.
I promise you with all of my heart that when I personally finally understood that I had unconsciously as a result of my previous unhealed trauma and not having my own sense of self and wholeness and boundaries and not knowing how to be a source of myself, I knew that I had been unconsciously attracted to narcissists, false selves, and I'd continue to stay hooked on them, trying to get them to give me myself whilst handing all of my power away to them.
>> God, she's so spot on. They listen at the start to anticipate the problem you have and then they harm you and they love bomb you, push and pull, but make them the person who is there to help with the problem. So, you call them in a crisis. Yes. They make Yep. Absolutely.
And you know what I I've I ended up telling him after, you know, I've really started healing and becoming the person that I am now. You know, like me, I I've said many times it was the, you know, him leaving me for someone else and leaving me just discarded and like a puddle on the floor was the best thing he ever did for me. You know, it was the best thing he ever did to me for me. And I thanked him, you know, it was like I would have never left. I would have never on my own left.
I was not strong enough, you know, after 25 years. You're just completely broken down, you know. So now I now I mean I've learned so much in the last decade, you know, and I know who I am now and I'm confident and I'm at peace. You know, it's a long journey, but you got to start somewhere.
>> And I knew that healing all of this meant stopping trying to force them to be what I needed to feel whole.
>> Be what you want from yourself and self-partnering and turning within to finding those parts of me that were involved in this >> and unhealed and finally healing them.
And that's exactly what happened.
Finally, I used my shattering shattered breakdown of narcissistic abuse discard to get to dedicate to my own inner healing.
>> And then it became not about the narcissist, but rather the fascination, dedication, and devotion to heal what parts of this have been about me.
And that was the beginning of Thrive Healing. And I promise you, it will be the same for you. Finally, you've turned away from wrong town and you're turning towards right town. Okay. So, the third point that I want to give you that is going to help you get over the discard and take your power, soul, and life back is accept that this person was a catalyst.
>> Mhm.
>> Let me explain. After committing to your inner healing, you're going to discover that patterns have happened in our life, all of us. And we can have great patterns, meaning things in our life that just easily flow and work. So, for example, you may have great friendships and you're a great friend.
Maybe you've got wonderful relationships with your children or you're a good cook or you're good at sport or whatever it is. Maybe you're good at making money.
You're good in business. But maybe there are areas in your life that have had patterns of challenges such as I continue to have narcissistic box bosses. Lucian Here you go.
>> You know, my family, I'm having narcissistic battles with them. Or maybe I'm continually having toxic love partners in my life. I thoroughly believe that narcissists show up in our lives regarding our painful patterns.
These part these people find target and hurt us where it hurts the most.
>> Yep.
>> Meaning where we are the most vulnerable. And perhaps you've had fears of persecution and narcissists in authority positions keep coming into your life. Perhaps you've always felt small, unimportant, and overlooked. And maybe then a narcissist has come into your life and they're so attentive >> and you feel like a person in a desert finding an oasis. It's like what you've always looked for. But then after you get hooked in, >> they turn it around and they start minimalizing you and invalidating.
>> Will I ever remarry? Um, I'm not against it. Not against it. Um, yeah, I would if it was the right person, but I have a lot of I have I have a lot of requirements now. I have a lot of things that I look for and won't settle. So, the chances, I don't know, are slim, but I'm okay with that, too. Retha Bell says, "Hell no, I would never." Well, she didn't say, "Hell no, she said I would never."
But um yeah, I'm not against it. I would years ago I probably would have been like, "Fuck that." You know, but I'm open to anything now. Who knows? I'm just in and you know, the important thing is I'm enjoying the journey now.
Like the journey is the destination, man. You know, like I'm not worried about what what's coming down the road anymore.
Not in this lifetime. You wouldn't, Freddy.
Interesting.
Yeah, they have to check all the boxes, though. So, I don't have I don't hold out hope for that.
You ripping open these tender wounds again. Perhaps you've always experienced the patterns of the people I love replace me. And after believing that somebody is monogous and they profess to you how monogous they are, they end up being pathologically adulterous behind your back. In my own life and with working with thousands of thrives are closed, >> I completely discovered that the only true remedy to not just survive and get out of narcissistic abuse, but actually to thrive afterwards is to turn inwards and find these most vulnerable parts and heal them to wholeness.
And there's no more important time to do that than after a shocking, painful discard.
>> Yeah. Like I I'm cool with being with me. Like I haven't I haven't been with anybody in years. I haven't dated anybody in years because I'm just I'm I'm just cool with me. It's like I'm whole now. I didn't I I always thought I had to be like the other half of of someone else.
And I don't know, I'm just cool. I mean, I like I said, I'm I'm open to it, but I'm actually a guine would be amazing. I just want someone to chill and talk [ __ ] with and watch Netflix with. Gusbins are great for that.
And then we not only dissolve away all of the longing and the trauma bonds and the disastrous feelings of non-resolution as well as the despair of all of the losses that we've suffered with a narcissist. We emerge into a new and true self. One that is far superior, more extended, confident and empowered than we have ever been before.
And at this stage of the journey, an incredible understanding occurs that this person, as significant as an impactful as they seem to be, this person was actually only a catalyst. The narcissist was triggering our unhealed parts from the unconscious up to the conscious so that finally we knew what they actually were and we could turn inwards and heal ourselves and set ourselves free from them. Which means we're not just being freed from this person, but from all of the insecurities and the limitations that are holding us back in our relationships and self and life in general. At the level of soul contracts, this person was only a catalyst.
>> I totally believe in soul contracts.
People bringing us the conscious evidence of what it is that we need to release and be set free from from within ourselves to be free from our own internal unhealed parts. And if this person had not showed up in our life, somebody else would have needed to take their place.
>> Bad wolf. I don't know. I think I think you will. I think you will. I I think you just need to find the right person.
That's all. And you'll know it when you find it, honey. I think if you you're not ready yet, then you know, you'll say never now, but I I don't know. I never say never for for for much.
>> It's incredibly ironic. I find that narcissists were using us as an object for narcissistic supply because as a parasitical force, they were sucking our life force, our energy, our resources, our stuff, our money, whatever, whatever it was, our soul literally. However, at the soul level, your soul contracted to this person as an instrument for you to come out of unconsciousness in into consciousness >> to actualize your evolution and ascension.
And understanding this helps you to deeply let go of this person after being discarded and get on with healing you.
>> Yep. It's like here's your sign, here's your wakeup call. You know, you it's it can be an amazing thing once you start realizing, you know, the reasons that you're drawn to these type of people or why they're drawn on you.
I'm sure you can, but you're a prickly pair, Bad Wolf. You're a prickly pair.
My sweet on the inside, prickly on the outside, >> and accepting and really taking on your ascension, which includes point number four.
which is so helpful to help you get past a discard. It's beautiful self-partnering communications.
I promise you with all my heart that your inner being who is feeling shattered and traumatized is actually reaching out for you. And the illusion was that your inner being, which is the seed of you, it's you was wanting the love and the care from the narcissist.
But it's actually not the truth. You are screaming out for you. We were all brought up to believe that people would love and treat us as the way the same way that we treat and love them.
However, this is a >> that's what generally good people think.
That's what that's the that's your first mistake. That's your first mistake.
>> Completely false pre premise. It's wrong town. People love and treat us the way we love and treat ourselves.
>> It's quantum law.
>> We teach you we teach people how to treat us. You know we by setting boundaries >> so within so without. And if our normal has been that we've got terrible self-t talk this means we don't know how to be with ourselves lovingly. We don't know how to self soo and we don't know how to remove ourselves from people who hurt us to take care of and love ourselves. And this means that we've been unconsciously stuck in cycles of self-rejection, self-abandonment and even selfhatred.
And of course, it's a terrible shock that we're going to get with people who talk to us terribly, who emotionally abandon us, and of course horrifically discard us. Quantum law is as absolute as gravity. So within, so without. The relationship that we're having with ourselves is the more of that we're going to receive from others.
>> Hi, sunflower girl. It's such an awakening when we understand this and can be totally honest with ourselves that we were trauma bonded to narcissists. Not because we're horrible people. You know, people say law of attraction, you telling me that narcissist in my life because I'm a narcissist. No, it's not because you're a horrible person. Rather, unknowingly, >> we'd actually been really horrible to ourselves.
>> And now after discard, it's time to repair that.
So much relief and self-partnering occurs when you are feeling the terrible pulls and the despair and the pain of being discarded by a narcissist by turning inwards to yourself and speaking to your inner being as you would a child who you adore. Your inner being desperately needs you now. And the relationship that you form with yourself is crucial now. It all starts with the dedication to your inner being by changing your self-t talk. Mhm.
>> None of us have ever been able to shame, blame, or ignore ourselves back into health and wholeness.
>> Right. Right.
>> So the words such as, "Sweetheart, I'm here for you."
>> What did she just say? Shame, blame, or >> have ever been able to shame, blame, or ignore ourselves back into health and wholeness.
>> So the words such as, "Sweetheart, I'm here for you. I love you. I'm never leaving you again.
you're doing a great job and I'm really proud of you. Means that when you were trying to get away from the narcissist, you're going to be able to support yourself and hold yourself and you'll be able to durably and authentically start being real and present for yourself. and please >> and in return law of attraction like she mentions you know once you're good with you I mean you you're going to attract more you know you're going to people are going to see that you're not going to devalue yourself anymore you know people and and they're going to care they're going to get to know you a bit they're going to see that about you and then they're going to walk away if they're if Their intent is to use you. You know >> this moving forward, you will never accept a level of love below the level of love that you have for yourself. I want you to really think about that. So, by getting this right now, you're going to ascend onto a love vibrational trajectory where the narcissist will become completely unappealing to you.
Why? you he or she will no longer be a match where you're vibrating at with loving yourself. Get really really burn the hay stack. Decoding decode dating torch the duds by Dr. Jay Young.
Practical to guide you dating analysis and empowers women to use lingu linguistic cues to effectively block and remove unsod and suitable matches. It's a Bible people really interesting should um women's warrior if you can find a like an Amazon link I wouldn't mind if you drop that in the chat or and a link anywhere from that where you can purchase look at it and purchase it of your selft talk it will change everything for you now let's have a look at number five which is very powerful after this releasing and reprogramming your trauma.
And really, this is the most powerful suggestion that I give everybody who is going through a discard or in fact any abuse from any narcissist at all in their life.
>> And this powerful suggestion is to heal your inner being directly at the level of your subconscious programs.
>> I don't either, Amber. I really I just don't I just I don't have the energy. I I'm just I have other [ __ ] happening. So, um you need that before your family reunion this year, >> which is exactly what my narcissistic abuse recovery program, NARP, does. It's incredibly powerful and helpful for this because it bypasses the brain which gets fixated and stuck in the trauma >> and it gets directly into the trauma programs in your inner being, which is a dense and painful belief. that the narcissistic experience has impregnated and activated within you. NAP loads them up, releases them, and frees them from your inner identity and reprograms them, which dissolves away the pain and the trauma very quickly. Yeah. So, I'm just going to Thank you, honey. Um, there's the uh link to the book if you want, anyone is interested. Now, I'm just going to put a disclaimer that I am not I don't know. I'm not a fan. I, like I said, the way I've dealt with all of this stuff that she's talking about was with my therapist. I have a good trauma therapist. Um, I would be leerary of buying in. You don't need to buy into I don't know what she's selling or what what she's promoting. I I haven't looked into it. So, yeah. So, just just that's a disclaimer.
So, be just be weary.
um of like programs and stuff like that.
I'm not sure if that's what it is, but just just know that >> replacing it with personal power, healthy boundaries, self-love, self- value, and self-respect, as well as a solid inner self to start generating true relationships that will match your healthy values and your truths.
So at this stage of the detoxing a narcissist from within after your discard if you do the inner work life can start to truly begin. And let's look at that in point number six which is connecting to your true life. So let's just go back through our points as a result of the establishing of your values and your truths and realizing what they really are. taking the opportunity to create a true relationship with yourself, knowing that this was a soul contract to push you to your knees, to turn inwards, to free yourself of trauma programs and patterns that were limiting yourself and life and healing within to be freed into thriving and your true self and life. You can start aligning authentically with you.
And many people in this community who commit to thrive recovery with NAP connect to themselves. the narcissist becomes irrelevant and then you start to listen to your inner self and the true urges about the missions in this lifetime. So many of these people start their own passions and businesses and projects. Their life changes in the most positive ways.
>> They stop feeling obligated and being around people who are not good for them.
>> They connect to other likeminded compatible companions in regard to their true life. And you will find you will start making healthier choices in every aspect of your life and start reaping the rewards with mental, emotional, physical and financial health as well as generate the ability to connect to the love and the joy of yourself, life and others and their lives and your life becomes unrecognizable sometimes only within months. Clearly at this level there is no thoughts or feelings left about the narcissist. And I promise you >> Yeah. And when she says within months, that's to me that's like a red flag kind of because there's no quick fix about this. There's no like secret um you know uh plan to to you know getting over this. You got to it depends on the it depends. There's a lot of variables, you know, so just beware >> that this is true. Myself and so many thrivvers in this community are completely freed. We couldn't care less if the narcissist won power ball and got billions of dollars or fell off the face of the earth. They're just completely irrelevant because these people become completely not your reality. Rather, they simply and incredibly were in our life to propel us to heal and come home to ourselves, which sets everything free if you take Thrive Healing on. So, in conclusion, I really want you to know this. The normal recovery is to try and research everything about narcissist after a discard and hope the time and out of circumstances can heal the wounds. Narcissistic abuse and the aftermath of narcissistic abuse is not like trying to recover from a normal relationship, especially after a cruel discard. Narcissistic abuse is a serious assault on the fabric of your very inner identity. And this is why so many people are shocked years down the track when they're still in the darkness of the trauma. Narcissistic abuse is a make orb breakak experience. And the beautiful thing is as a part of this community, you've got the ability to turn your terrible breakdown into the most magnificent breakthroughs.
The way out of this is by everything I've suggested above and predominantly the turning inwards to save your own soul with quantum inner healing.
>> Okay. Yes. I'm gonna cut it there because I think it's kind of going on into a promotion type thing, but I will drop her link. Everything she said makes absolute perfect sense. Um, oh, okay.
That looks here. Let me put this link in the chat and then let's see. I will look for the podcast for the doctor who wrote the book. She herself kept getting narcissistic partners, even specialists in abuse of men. She wasn't protected. So, she created code for us all. That's amazing.
Yeah, she is 100 100% on point.
Absolutely.
So, let me see.
Whoops.
No, I don't want that. I do want to I'm going to wrap it up, but I want to check I might come back. I don't know. I'm thinking of coming back and doing um a review.
See here.
Oh, the song. Yes. Okay.
Okay, just checking it. All right, let me grab the song.
Okay, we're going to play the one you like best, women's warrior.
Whoop.
Okay.
Try and get it up here.
Yeah. We'll end listening to this because this was good. And then I may I may or may not come back and do a review of her afternoon stream today. We'll see how I feel. If I do, I will probably likely just pop up. So, keep your notifications on, kids.
All right, here we go. Women's Warrior made the Stephening Silence is same person. She's got two two channels. So, yeah, you're ready to go. Where you where? I have no idea. I know. Hey.
All right.
Stop. This thing's coming up on my screen. Just got to go away.
All right.
Damn it.
Put it away. And another one pops up.
All right. Here we go.
She rolled in from the drama channel.
Sweet smile and a halo on tight.
Switch to true crime. Play the welcoming host every Friday night.
But the money ain't in a cases. Now the money's in a fight.
Fell out with booons.
They all talking [ __ ] on became the target of 10 channels. But she loved every single life.
Pretended she was scared. Handshake and voice all soft and polite.
Then she hop right back in the ring.
Swinging harder every night.
[ __ ] off Angel.
Hold on. New phone, new TV, still no kitchen. Who knew it?
Blue side. I gave birth to Oh, please let me see. God's going to get you.
God's going to get you. Just wait and see.
BJ Masters in a pigeon in the ring.
[ __ ] fight.
I don't do that [ __ ] Kick rocks you >> live calls y'all see.
Sing along.
Sweet southern bell on the outside. God wor behind the scenes. The mods are leaving spilling tea on the grip she laptop Christmas lawyer feitting at 8 grand. Kids need this. Kids need that.
Audience eats it straight from her hand.
Fell asleep on live again. Craig drunk in the back, slurring every word.
Firearms on the count of little kids running around. New baby just occurred.
Six different stories history, but she's forever the victim. Crying while she throws the next spear.
[ __ ] off angel lying [ __ ] Prove it.
Hold on. New phone. New TV. Still no kitchen. Who knew it?
Blue sideboard. I gave hero.
Please let me see. God's going to get you. God's going to get you. Just wait and see.
Not bracelets look like jail but Jesus.
Let me see. Let me see. Masters liar of the joy you sleep asma y'all see.
Sing along reality sits right by her side every single night. Big supporter Ivy League nurse blind to the grift and plain sight.
Creators used to panel with her now they all ghost and bound. She asks for advice her head only counts a super chat amount.
subscribers dropping faster than her fake southern draw.
But she keeps on grifting, keep on calling, keep on taking it all.
[ __ ] off, Angela.
Lying, [ __ ] Prove it.
Hold on.
Still no side. I gave birth.
Allegedly God's going to get you. God's going to get you.
Kick rocks, you idiot.
Live strong.
Live strong.
Something about my ass.
Jesus Christ.
[ __ ] fight a pigeon.
Yo, please.
>> Oh, okay.
>> Mic drop. Chat explodes.
I'm going to set that as my um outro.
So, Daria is an amazing mod. She would be an asset to any channel and she's a little potato. She knows a little bit about everything and a lot about a lot of things. So, yeah, great job. I love it. Um I'm going to set it as an outro when I get to figuring that out. I have a couple clips I wanted to get today and I don't know. Well, I'm I you know I'm like yelling at myself because you know there were a couple things I wanted to do for the channel today or yesterday actually. Didn't feel good. So yeah, I love the allegedly at the end.
[ __ ] off Angela is the best part. They call me tater salad.
Yes, I highly recommend. I highly recommend. You can put your email in the um in the chat if you want, honey.
Um yeah, sub up toening silence. She's up here up above and she's looking for mods.
So they call me Tater Salad.
It's the best. Ron White is the best.
So, well, there's a lot of us. Yeah.
Thank you for Yes. Thank and thank you for always showing up, honey.
All right, kids.
Oh, and you're Oh, there's your G.
There's your uh Gmail. Very good. All right, kids. I'm going to go. I might be back. I might not. We'll see how the day progresses. But thanks so much for hanging out with me. Maybe you learned something. Maybe you felt maybe not so alone. Maybe you learned something about yourself. So, if any of that happened, that's amazing. All right, kids. Be careful on them streets. Don't be an [ __ ] All right. Love you guys. Bye.
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