The Secret Of Feminine Silence That Addicts Him To You (Instead Of Driving Him Away) | Carl Jung

Added: 2026-05-12

[00:00:09]Have you ever wondered why the more you try to hold on to someone, the more they seem to drift away? Why do you do everything such as showing care, taking initiative, and being patient, yet all you receive in return is coldness and silence?

[00:00:27]And why, on the complete opposite end, are there women who [music] barely pursue, who feel no need to prove anything, yet somehow make a man unable to stop thinking about them, even when they are no longer present. From the perspective of Carl Jung, attraction doesn't lie in what you do, but in the inner state you carry into every action.

[00:00:52]People don't respond to words alone, but to the unconscious energy behind them.

[00:00:59]When you act from a fear of loss, from a need to hold on, you unconsciously create a kind of pressure that makes the other person want to withdraw.

[00:01:10]But when you are no longer driven by that fear, when you exist in a state of wholeness and self-mastery, you no longer chase connection. [music] You become a kind of psychological space that others naturally start to move toward.

[00:01:28]And from this point, a paradox begins to reveal itself. The more you try to hold on, the more you unconsciously push him away. But when you stop trying to hold on, something else happens. He begins to be pulled [music] back, not by words, but by your very absence.

[00:01:48]Silence at this moment is no longer an empty void but becomes a psychological force of attraction where he cannot explain why he thinks of you more, misses you more and gradually gets drawn into [music] a feeling he himself cannot control. And that is the secret of feminine silence. not to make him notice you, but to make it impossible for him to escape you, even when you are doing nothing.

[00:02:20]Number one, the unconscious silence trap that drives a man away. There is a kind of silence that appears to be a pause, but in truth is an invisible scream echoing from a panicked soul. It is not the stillness of someone who has found herself, but the quiet of someone sinking, clinging to a fragile hope that if she says nothing, he will come back.

[00:02:45]But he does not come back. And the longer she waits, the more she loses.

[00:02:51]Why? Carl Jung once said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." Most of the decisions we believe are rational in love actually come from a deeper layer of the unconscious.

[00:03:08]And within that unconscious, if the fear of abandonment is an unhealed wound, then silence is never a deliberate choice. It is a reaction. It is the shell a woman retreats into when she feels she is losing her value in the eyes of a man. Imagine a woman deeply in love. When he starts becoming busier, replying less, she no longer knows what to do except disappear. But that disappearance does not come from calmness.

[00:03:43]It is a contraction of the soul triggered by a familiar pain being ignored, being dismissed, being forgotten. She waits. Yet with every passing hour, instead of making him feel her absence, she becomes invisible.

[00:04:00]The problem is not the act of silence, but the energy beneath it. A silence filled with fear is not a magnetic field. It is a toxic current. Men do not hear the silent cry for help. They only feel an invisible pressure as if someone is clinging to their shoulders in silence, pulling downward, demanding, manipulating.

[00:04:25]No words are spoken. Yet instinct tells them clearly, "If I don't return, she will collapse." And that does not make them feel valued. It makes [music] them feel exhausted.

[00:04:40]Picture yourself in a closed room where the air grows thick with expectation, fear, and unspoken questions. No one says anything, yet the space becomes suffocating, and the only thing you want is to leave [music] as quickly as possible. This is exactly the feeling that fear-based [music] silence creates in a man's mind. One woman who followed our channel shared this experience. After a period of passionate love, her boyfriend gradually texted less and called less. Instead of asking or opening a conversation, she chose to stay silent to test him. But her silence did not come from inner strength. She agonized hour by hour, checked her phone every [music] minute, and counted every time he was online.

[00:05:30]Silent on the outside, but inside was a storm. When he did not return, she collapsed. In his eyes, she was no longer the confident woman he once [music] loved, but a fragile soul needing rescue. And men are not drawn to those who are drowning. They are drawn to those who know how to stand on the shore and dry themselves under their own sunlight.

[00:05:57]Carl Jung said, "What you resist persists.

[00:06:02]The more you try to suppress the fear of being abandoned, the more you behave as if nothing is wrong, the more distorted your emotional signals become. A man cannot read your mind, but he can feel your energetic field. He can sense when you are holding your breath, waiting [music] for his reaction, even if you send no message. That is not attractive silence. That is the kind of silence that makes him want to run. From a psychological perspective, this state is called an emotional freeze response.

[00:06:39]When we feel threatened here, the threat is losing someone we love. Our nervous system chooses paralysis. No reaction, no words, no action. Yet inside the heart is in chaos.

[00:06:54]This is a defense mechanism. And defense mechanisms do not build connection, they build walls. The real pain here is not that he left. It is that you lost yourself trying to hold on to a connection that was already [music] breaking.

[00:07:12]And while you stay silent waiting for him to return, you are also slowly losing connection with your own self.

[00:07:21]And if what you are hearing touches a familiar pain within you, do not ignore it. Stories like this are why we created this channel to illuminate the unconscious parts shaping your emotional life without your awareness.

[00:07:38]Press like to affirm that you are ready to see the truth and subscribe to continue this journey of healing not through struggle but through awareness.

[00:07:49]Remember, Yong never said fix the other person. He emphasized your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. So ask yourself where does my silence come from. If the answer is because I am afraid, I do not want to be left behind. I do not know what else to do. Then you are not being silent.

[00:08:15]You are paralyzed. And men are not drawn to the frequency of paralysis.

[00:08:21]True silence can be a powerful act, but only when it comes from a mind that has learned to accept all possibilities.

[00:08:30]If you are silent while inwardly pleading, please recognize my worth, then that silence is a plea disguised in a coat of pride. But if you are silent and know whether he stays or leaves, I remain here whole within my own world.

[00:08:50]That is the kind of silence a man cannot withstand because it is not absence. It is a challenge to his ego. You can see now not all silence is created equal. In love, the emotion beneath silence is the strongest message [music] you send even without a single word.

[00:09:10]And once you begin to understand that silence is not just behavior but an inner state, a deeper question arises.

[00:09:19]If not all silence is the same, then what truly defines the [music] line between a silence that pushes someone away and a silence that makes them unable to leave.

[00:09:32]Number two, distinguishing two types of silence. Destructive silence and addictive silence.

[00:09:41]There are moments of silence within a relationship that at first glance seem identical. No words, no response, no presence. But if you listen deeply enough, you begin to notice that they carry two entirely different natures.

[00:09:58]One kind of silence is like an underground current, quietly eroding the connection from within until everything collapses before anyone can even name what happened. The other feels like the sky opening after the rain, clear and still, leaving the one who remains unable to stop looking back, unable to stop wondering, and slowly drawn in by a longing that is difficult to explain.

[00:10:27]The difference does not lie in whether you speak or remain silent, but in where that silence is born.

[00:10:35]Carl Jung once wrote, "There is no coming to consciousness without pain.

[00:10:42]There is no awakening that does not pass through a layer of pain." And it is precisely that pain that forces you to look again.

[00:10:52]Are you silent because you are hurt? or because you have learned how to be at ease within yourself.

[00:10:59]The first type of silence often comes naturally almost instinctively.

[00:11:05]It appears when you feel unseen when something touches your fear of abandonment and you withdraw.

[00:11:13]But this withdrawal carries no peace. It carries unprocessed emotions, unspoken thoughts, and a quiet expectation that the other person will notice, will return, will do something to fill the space you have created.

[00:11:30]You do not reply to messages, yet you constantly check your phone. You do not reach out, yet you wait. You are silent.

[00:11:41]But inside, the noise is louder than ever. That silence, even without words, still emits a very clear kind of energy.

[00:11:51]It is like a string pulled so tight that even the slightest touch could snap it.

[00:11:57]The other person, even without understanding why, can feel that invisible pressure. And at a psychological level, pressure never nurtures closeness. It activates defense. They do not move closer to explain or soothe. They step back to preserve a sense of safety.

[00:12:18]And so the very thing you unconsciously try to hold on to becomes the very thing you push away. Through Yung's lens, this is where the shadow operates. The parts of you that remain unagnowledged find ways to express themselves through behavior, disguised under labels like keeping distance or maintaining value.

[00:12:43]You believe you are in control, but in truth you are reacting from an old wound that has not healed. And because of that, this silence never brings peace.

[00:12:55]It only prolongs the tension with no exit. In contrast, there exists another kind of silence, one that does not arise from reaction, but from choice. It is not withdrawal [music] to create an effect but a return to oneself.

[00:13:13]It is when you are no longer caught in the rhythm of the other person, no longer measuring your worth by their presence, but beginning to live fully within your own space. You may still be silent, but this silence carries no expectation.

[00:13:30]It does not wait. It does not check. It is simply a pause, a space where you remain with yourself without needing validation from anyone else. This kind of silence has a very different quality.

[00:13:48]It is not heavy, not compressed, not pressuring. It feels like an open room where nothing is forced to happen. And because of that, when the other person steps away from your presence, they do not feel relieved. They feel the absence, a subtle emptiness, yet enough to make them return in thought. Not because you did something, but because you did not do what they had come to expect.

[00:14:19]At a deeper psychoanalytic level, this is where projection begins to operate.

[00:14:26]When your presence is no longer predictable, the other person's mind starts completing what is missing. They think of you more. Not because you tried to leave an impression, but because what is unfinished always stimulates the imagination.

[00:14:43]And it is that imagination that creates obsession.

[00:14:47]But the most important point is this.

[00:14:50]This kind of silence cannot be manufactured by willpower. You cannot pretend not to care while anxiety still fills you inside. You cannot act busy while your mind revolves around one person.

[00:15:04]True silence only appears when you no longer need to prove anything. No longer need to hold on to anyone and no longer fear what will happen if they leave.

[00:15:16]There is a simple question that can illuminate your entire inner state. If that person never comes back, would you still feel at peace in this silence?

[00:15:26][music] If the answer is no, then your silence still carries [music] a quiet plea. But if the answer is yes, then you are standing in a very different [music] space, a space where you do not need anyone to feel whole. And within that space, a paradox emerges. When you no longer use silence to attract attention, you become impossible to ignore. When you no longer try to be remembered, you become unforgettable.

[00:15:58]Because in the [music] end, what draws someone into you is not what you say, nor what you do. It is how you exist.

[00:16:10]Even when you are not there. And when you look deeply enough into these two kinds of silence, you begin to notice a more subtle layer at work. It is no longer about speaking or not speaking, staying or leaving, but about how the human mind responds to what is left unfinished.

[00:16:31]It is at this [music] point that we touch a deeper principle, one that explains why some people, the more absent they become, the more present they are in someone else's mind.

[00:16:46]Number three, the principle of psychological space. The art of creating a space that draws a man in. After moving through the two forms of silence, one that breaks connection, one that nourishes attraction, we arrive at a deeper layer where everything is no longer about behavior but about essence.

[00:17:10]The art of creating psychological space.

[00:17:14]This is not a way to make someone come back nor a tactic to make them recognize your worth. It is an inner shift where you [music] withdraw your attention from others and return it to yourself.

[00:17:28]And within that conscious withdrawal, a different kind of attraction begins to form. Not loud, not forced, but quietly expansive and enduring.

[00:17:40]Carl Jung once said, "Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside dreams. who looks inside awakes.

[00:17:52]The space you create in a relationship if it comes from awareness becomes the ground where you return to your own heart. It is not absence but a necessary stillness where what has been buried beneath expectation, anxiety [music] and hurt can finally be seen. The problem is that most people misunderstand what it means to create space. They think it means disappearing, cutting contact, staying silent to confuse the other person. But if those actions arise from anger, hurt or a hidden hope that he will react, then it is not space. It is simply a more subtle form of control.

[00:18:37]And anything that carries the energy of control will destroy the connection at the unconscious level. True space does not begin when you stop contacting someone. It begins when you stop placing yourself in a state of waiting. No longer checking your phone every few minutes. No longer rereading messages to interpret meaning.

[00:19:03]No longer allowing your rhythm of life to be dictated by someone else's presence or absence.

[00:19:10]This is not coldness. It is a return.

[00:19:15]Imagine the human mind as a field that constantly tries to complete what is unfinished.

[00:19:21]When something disappears without a clear explanation, the mind fills [music] that gap with imagination.

[00:19:28]This is where the principle of psychological space begins to operate.

[00:19:33]When you no longer show up in predictable ways, no longer respond [music] according to familiar patterns, you create a gap in the other person's perception. And that gap compels them to think about you not because of what you do, but because of what you no longer do. But the most important point is this. This space cannot be artificially [music] created. It does not come from intentionally not replying to provoke attention while internally remaining consumed by that person. The unconscious is highly sensitive to inconsistency.

[00:20:13]You may be silent on the surface, but if inside there is still anxiety, waiting and dependence, that energy is [music] still felt. Real space only appears when you withdraw your projections. In yungian psychology, we constantly project unrecognized parts of ourselves onto [music] others, especially in love.

[00:20:36]You not only see them, but you also assign meanings, expectations, and roles that may not even belong to them. When you stop doing this, you create space not only in the relationship, but within your own perception. And at that moment, something subtle happens.

[00:20:56]You begin to see clearly. You recognize what is real and what was imagined. You understand what you were seeking in the other person and what was actually an unmet need within yourself.

[00:21:11]This is the beginning of individuation when the other is no longer your source but part of your journey towards self understanding.

[00:21:20]Some women are always present, always available, always there. like a familiar scent in a room, pleasant but gradually becoming invisible. Not because they lack value, but because constant presence dulls perception.

[00:21:38]The human mind does not cherish what is always available. It only begins to notice when there is an interruption.

[00:21:47]Only when that scent disappears, when the space falls quiet, does one begin to realize something used to be here and now it is gone. And that absence, paradoxically, makes the former presence more vivid than ever. True space is not a lack that needs [music] to be filled.

[00:22:08]It is a field wide enough that you are no longer governed by the fear of loss.

[00:22:13]When you no longer need someone's presence to feel complete, you enter an entirely different state. One, where you no longer try to hold on to others, but simply live fully within your own world.

[00:22:28]And the paradox is this. In that state, you become the hardest to replace.

[00:22:34]Consider a simple example. A woman once spent most of her time maintaining a relationship. Her plans, emotions, and decisions all revolved around him. As he grew distant, she stopped trying to pull him back. But she did not fall silent to provoke a reaction. She returned to what once made her feel [music] alive.

[00:22:58]Creative work, quiet afternoons alone, personal projects she had abandoned, not to forget him, but to remember herself.

[00:23:08]Weeks later, he began reaching out again. Not because she disappeared, but because she was no longer the same person. The one who always reacted, always waited. [music] In his mind, a space had formed. And that space was filled with a question. What kind of life is she living now that she no longer needs me the way she used to?

[00:23:31]That is the essence. You do not create space to make them miss you. You become so whole that space naturally appears when you no longer revolve around them.

[00:23:44]In western symbolism, there is a powerful image, the holy grail. It is not an object to possess, but an empty vessel capable of receiving. Jung interpreted the grail as a symbol of the sacred feminine principle, not forcing, not controlling. Yet in that conscious openness, only what is truly valuable can remain. A woman who understands this principle does not need to do [music] anything to attract.

[00:24:15]Her presence is enough. Not because she tries to be mysterious, but because she no longer needs to be fully understood.

[00:24:24]Not because she keeps distance, but because she no longer loses herself in proximity.

[00:24:31]And when space is no longer something you fear but a place where you stand firmly, something subtle begins to unfold.

[00:24:40]You no longer need anyone to remember you. Yet you become impossible to forget.

[00:24:46]Because in the end, attraction does not lie in how much you are present. It lies in the fact that when you are no longer there, you still exist in their mind.

[00:24:59]When space is no longer feared but inhabited, a quiet transformation begins.

[00:25:06]You no longer need to create attraction because your very state of being has become a force of attraction.

[00:25:14]And this is where the image of the woman shifts. Not someone trying to be loved, but someone who has returned to herself.

[00:25:24]Number four, the woman who becomes addictive because she is authentically herself in silence. The woman a man cannot forget is not the most beautiful nor the most skilled at psychological games. She is addictive simply because she is not trying to be. She does not manipulate, does not set traps, does not inflate her presence as a tactic. She does not need to appear mysterious in a scripted way. Her authenticity in each moment becomes a kind of mystery that cannot be replicated.

[00:26:01]And it is precisely that wholeness of authenticity that creates a feeling others cannot easily explain yet cannot easily leave.

[00:26:12]Carl Jung once said, "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." In Yungian terms, this is not encouragement, but the core of individuation.

[00:26:25]When a woman begins to separate [music] herself from unconscious patterns that once shaped how she loved, she no longer reacts automatically to changes in others. She no longer defines her worth through the attention she receives.

[00:26:42]Instead, she builds a stable inner center where her emotional state is no longer dictated by the presence or absence of someone outside her. From a psychological perspective, this reflects a shift from emotional dependence to emotional self-regulation.

[00:27:02]A woman who is not grounded internally tends to seek stability through external responses, especially in intimate relationships.

[00:27:12]This makes her entire nervous system overly sensitive to signals like messages, tone, and attention.

[00:27:20]In contrast, when self-regulation is established, she no longer depends on those external cues to feel safe.

[00:27:29]Silence is no longer an anxious void, but a neutral space [music] where her balance remains intact.

[00:27:38]Another important aspect is that the human mind is drawn to what is unfinished.

[00:27:44]When someone no longer reacts in predictable ways, they create a gap in the other person's system of expectations.

[00:27:53]This gap is not intentional but a natural consequence of no longer acting from a need for validation.

[00:28:01]And it is this gap that activates imagination and projection in the other person's mind.

[00:28:08]This is why a steady yet non-dependent presence creates a lasting form of attraction rather than short-lived emotional reactions.

[00:28:19]In relationships, lasting attraction does not come from [music] intensity of interaction but from quality of presence. When a woman maintains an [music] independent inner life, she is no longer pulled into the emotional rhythm of another. This creates a distinct difference in how she shows up.

[00:28:39]She does not need to speak [music] much to be noticed, does not need to prove to be recognized.

[00:28:46]Her silence carries no pressure, only stillness.

[00:28:51]And it is this stillness that allows others to feel depth rather than merely perceive surface. From a systems perspective, people tend to withdraw from environments that create psychological pressure and move towards spaces that allow [music] balance.

[00:29:10]When a woman no longer emits signals of dependence, she does not trigger defensive responses.

[00:29:17]Instead, she creates a space wide enough for others to move freely in their perception of her. And it is this freedom that draws them back, not because they are pulled, but because they are not held. A simple example [music] illustrates this clearly. Two women both receive silence from a man they care about. The first is immediately pulled into overthinking, constant checking, waiting and reacting.

[00:29:49]The second notices the shift but does not let it dictate her entire state. She continues her life not to appear stable but because she truly has a grounded center. The difference is not who stays silent more but who remains herself within that silence.

[00:30:09]It is important to emphasize that this state cannot be created through [music] strategy or effort. Any attempt to act like you do not care will reveal a contradiction if dependence still exists internally.

[00:30:24]The unconscious quickly detects inconsistency and when it does, attraction is replaced [music] by doubt or distance.

[00:30:33]Returning to yourself is not a technique, but a recalibration of your relationship with your own emotions.

[00:30:41]When a woman truly enters this state, a paradox emerges. She no longer tries to be remembered yet becomes unforgettable.

[00:30:51]Not because she creates absence, but because she no longer becomes predictable.

[00:30:57]Her presence is no longer reactive, but self- originating.

[00:31:02]And it is this self- originating quality that creates a form of attraction independent of circumstance.

[00:31:11]Ultimately, the addictive woman does not know how to keep distance, but one who does not need distance to maintain her value. In silence, she does not wait, does not check, does not question whether she is still cared for. She simply lives with her own rhythm, her own center, and a sense of completeness that requires no proof. And in that state, something natural happens. Others begin to move toward her, not because she tries to attract, but because she no longer abandons herself to be present.

[00:31:50]But the journey does not end with returning to yourself.

[00:31:54]There will come a moment when everything seems to have settled, when you are no longer waiting, and something familiar will reappear.

[00:32:04]Not to pull you back into the past, but to reveal one thing, whether you have truly changed.

[00:32:14]Number five, the final test. And then like a law of energy, like the inevitable result of a conscious withdrawal, he returns. It may be a simple message. How have you been lately? It may be an emoji, a half-formed call, or a genuine attempt to reconnect.

[00:32:34]But whatever the form, that moment always comes. And that moment is the ultimate test. Have you truly returned to yourself? Or did you only step back to wait for validation?

[00:32:48]Carl Yung suggested that we encounter ourselves in many forms throughout life.

[00:32:54]And when he reappears, what you are facing is not just a familiar man, but also the part of your own memory that once worried, once waited, once believed that being loved again would make everything right. If you are not aware, a single moment of softness can pull you back into your old version, the one who lived from lack and placed her worth in someone else's hands. What is being tested now is not your pride, but your inner state. If there are still cracks within you, you will respond like someone just [music] rescued from the edge, rushing, trembling, unconsciously handing your emotional power back to him. But if you have truly walked your path, your response will carry a completely different [music] tone. There is no need to force strength, no need to withdraw in defense. It is simply a calm presence, quiet yet deep like a lake after a storm, so clear that every movement becomes visible. A man's return at a deeper level rarely comes from logic. It may be stirred by a vague memory, an unfinished feeling, or a space he cannot name. But how you receive that return determines everything. If you respond to old longing, you only extend a familiar cycle. If you respond from wholeness, you open the possibility for a completely different quality of connection, one where no one needs to hold on and no one needs to leave to feel free.

[00:34:38]Imagine yourself as a mountain. His return is like a traveler coming back after a long journey to a place once familiar. Do not rush toward him. Stay where you are, not out of coldness, but because you no longer need to move to be seen. Let him lift his gaze on his own.

[00:34:59]Let him realize that you are no longer the same resting place. If he is still confined within his ego, he may want you to lower yourself so everything feels easy again. But if he has grown, he will understand that to remain he must rise to where you stand.

[00:35:20]This is the moment of emotional recalibration.

[00:35:23]Before you were giving more, waiting more, worrying more. Now you are neither above nor below. You are at the center, a still point where everything around must adjust upon contact.

[00:35:38]And the man, even if he cannot name it, will feel that shift. It is no longer easy, no longer predictable, yet not distant. It is simply different. Jung pointed out that we are not drawn to what is fully possessed, but to what retains a part beyond reach. When you remain anchored in yourself, you become a space that cannot be fully claimed.

[00:36:06]Not because you create distance, but because you no longer lose yourself in closeness. And in that space, a deeper form of attraction begins to form quietly, but endures in the mind of another. If you wonder what you should do when he returns, the answer does not lie in a specific action. Continue living the way you have chosen. If you are building your life, keep building.

[00:36:36]If you are healing, go deeper. Do not leave your path just to return to a place that once caused you to lose yourself.

[00:36:46]Meet him from where you have grown, not from where you once broke.

[00:36:52]A woman who has truly returned to herself does not open the door simply because someone knocks.

[00:36:59]She opens when she feels it is right to open and that creates a very different kind of attraction. Not the pull of necessity but the pull of choice. At that point a man not only wants to enter but he also wants to become someone worthy of staying.

[00:37:21]This is the final [music] test not to prove that you can keep someone but to see whether you still [music] need to.

[00:37:29]If your heart is still waiting for his return to feel whole, everything will collapse the moment you surrender to old emotions.

[00:37:38]But if you can witness his return while remaining steady inside, not rushing, not shaken, then you have passed through something significant.

[00:37:49]Not the doorway of love, but the doorway of [music] awakening. And if you have come this far, leave a small mark, a symbol, a [music] word, anything. Not to prove something to others, but to acknowledge to yourself how far you have come. Sometimes simply realizing that you are still present on this path is already a profound shift.

[00:38:16]And if these words resonate with you, share them with someone you feel may need them. Not to change them, but so both of you can look more deeply into what words alone often cannot express.

[00:38:30]In the end, what you come to understand is no longer how to keep [music] someone, but how not to lose yourself in any relationship.

[00:38:39]Feminine silence at its deepest [music] level is not a pause to make someone return, but a space for you [music] to return to yourself. A place where you are no longer guided by the fear of abandonment and no longer require someone's presence to feel whole. When you reach that state, connection is no longer built from lack, but from freedom. And within that freedom, you no longer try to be loved. You become someone that love naturally finds.

[00:39:14]And perhaps the most powerful realization is not whether he returns, but that you no longer need that answer to [music] continue living your life fully. A woman who truly enters her inner world, who learns to stand firmly within space [music] without fear, carries a very different kind of presence. Not loud, not displayed, but deep enough that anyone who has touched it cannot forget.

[00:39:45]Let your stillness become a gentle echo that lingers in someone's mind long after you are gone. And if someone is deep enough, aware enough, and mature enough, they will return. Not because you demanded it, but because you became the only place where they could find themselves.