Why Are You In a Life You Hate?

[00:00:00]You might be living a life designed by a 20-year-old who doesn't even exist anymore. If you've spent two decades on one path, you don't owe the next 20 to the same mistakes.

[00:00:13]I don't think we're meant to be static in life. Our perspective and ideas change as we learn more about ourselves.

[00:00:21]It seems to me doing the same thing you've been doing for the last 20 years when you've changed as a person doesn't make much sense.

[00:00:29]You don't have the same needs or wants or perspective on life. So why continue plotting down that same road?

[00:00:38]>> Staying on a road just because you've walked it for two decades is pretty much letting a younger, dumber version of yourself dictate your remaining years. I think in the first half of life, we build an existence based on external expectations of what we've been taught.

[00:00:55]As we get older and understand ourselves better, we have a grasp on who we actually are. And our decisions have the potential to become far more intentional. And just because we get older doesn't mean our brains aren't able to make new connections and forge new pathways. We're never too old to change, find a new direction, seek new experiences, or throw life's rule book out the window altogether if we want. I think we can redefine ourselves or who we are whenever we like.

[00:01:25]Many people resist change out of fear of losing stability or security. But I found as I've gotten older, change is actually the only constant. It seems to me choosing and embracing a new path is a perfectly natural and almost expected part of getting older. When we hit 40 or 50, if we're not careful, our brains start telling us that the game is just about up. We're heading into extra time.

[00:01:51]But if you actually look at it, you probably have 30 or 40 years left.

[00:01:55]That's a really long time playing the same part. That's the entire lifespan of a whole separate human being. Imagine telling a 20-year-old that their life is set in stone and they aren't allowed to try anything new for the next three decades. It sounds ridiculous, yet that's exactly the kind of nonsense we tell ourselves in the mirror. Imagine having the audacity to start a new life and getting to experience the great pleasure of confusing everyone you went to high school with. Researching this yesterday, I read KL Jung believes the first half of life is dedicated to building the ego, fitting into society, and constructing a persona. He argued that in midlife we experience a psychological shift. And it's the moment the unconscious mind rebelss against the life we thought we were supposed to build. We have a kind of a midlife awakening. Hopefully your unconscious mind doesn't decide on a random Tuesday at 2:00 a.m. to start its little rebellion. That could be a little bit inconvenient. But even when your unconscious mind starts that rebellion, the conscious part of you, the part that likes paying rent, is going to be terrified because the fear of change in your life is rarely about the change itself. It's about the unknown. We're wired to see predictability and routine as safety. We'll stay in a miserable job, a less than ideal relationship, or suffocating routine simply because we understand it. We know it.

[00:03:23]>> Everything's well. The future on the other hand is a risk, a gamble without unknown outcomes.

[00:03:29]>> Have you noticed when we consider a big shift in life, our brain immediately goes to worst case scenarios? It tells you you're too old, you'll lose your stability, or you'll look foolish to others. Your brain loves to act like changing your career at 50 will instantly result in you living under a bridge.

[00:03:48]The comfort zone is a nice place, but in my experience, not much grows there except regret.

[00:03:56]>> It's okay.

[00:03:56]>> There's also an advantage to changing things up later in life. You finally have the emotional leverage to say the word no. When you try to change your life in your 20s, you're essentially a leaf blowing in the wind. You know, desperately trying to please bosses and partners and the bank. You're forced to accept a lot of absolute garbage just to survive. But when you make a pivot with a few decades of life experience under your belt, you aren't someone to be messed with. You've already survived the worst jobs, the bad breakups, the terrible haircuts. You know how to budget. You know how to spot a fraud from a mile away. And your tolerance for BS has bottomed out to an all-time low.

[00:04:38]That means your new direction isn't a desperate gamble to live. If it's a controlled, dignified execution, you aren't asking the universe for permission anymore. You're just doing what you want to do. We need to remind ourselves what the stakes actually are.

[00:04:54]When looking back from the end of life, people rarely regret the things they tried and failed at, but they do regret the paths they left untraveled, perhaps the passion they wish they had pursued, those far-flung places they'd always wanted to visit. I also think a full life is measured by how deeply you're actually experiencing things and not by accumulating things.

[00:05:18]And when that realization finally hits you and you understand it's not too late to change your life, there's a huge feeling of new found freedom. It's like the prison doors of your old life have been flung open for the first time. For years, you thought your past choices had permanently set the future in stone for you. But in the moment of clarity, that illusion disintegrates. You realize you're not the captive audience member of your own life. You're completely free to switch stories mid chapter and be whoever the heck you want to be. But while I'm almost certainly an advocate for breaking the chains of an unfulfilled life, I think there has to be caution. Liberation without planning is just reckless romanticism. A late stage pivot in life shouldn't be a spontaneous act of arson aimed at burning your old house down, but a more calculated redesigning of things. I guess the idea of starting completely with a clean slate is unfortunately not possible. You can't outrun your responsibilities, your debts, or the aging reality that your body isn't the finely tuned machine it once was.

[00:06:27]Nowadays, sleeping on the wrong angle requires a 3-day recovery window.

[00:06:31]Changing your life at 50 or 60 requires a different riskmanagement strategy than doing it in your 20s. You have less room to recover from a financial or personal crash. Furthermore, you can't simply believe that a change of scenery or career will automatically cure any internal turmoil you might have. If you run from your life without addressing the psychological baggage that made you miserable in the first place, you will simply unpack the exact same baggage but in a different time zone. To change direction or to rebuild a life takes a bit of planning to keep one's house in order. Realizing it's not too late to change your life and discovering your authentic self belongs exclusively to those who refuse to let their age dictate their spirit. Once you get over the fear of starting over, the immediate payoff is a huge sense of psychological weightlessness. For decades, you played the part in a masquerade of who you were supposed to be. Dropping it feels like taking off heavy boots after a lifetime of walking. You're getting to experience life without the filters. You're living life authentically.

[00:07:41]Having the courage to change your life alters the trajectory of your latter years. Instead of sliding into a stagnant, predictable retirement where your main daily hobby is perhaps monitoring your neighbor's lawn height, you enter the second half of life imbued with a sense of real purpose.

[00:07:59]>> And this living truthfully makes you feel darn good about yourself. You no longer need to prove anything to a world that doesn't really care. Your validation comes entirely from you.

[00:08:11]You realize that having the audacity to change turned the act of aging into a damn good time.

[00:08:19]>> There's an Australian guy I met last year here by the name of Paul. He runs a business and he's been good enough to talk with us. Paul, >> hi.

[00:08:26]>> Good to see you, mate.

[00:08:27]>> Good. You want to come in?

[00:08:28]>> Yeah. Thanks for having us.

[00:08:30]>> This is um this is Canvas, you call it, Paul?

[00:08:32]>> Canvas restaurant. Yes.

[00:08:34]>> Well, you're you're um what part of the the business here yourself?

[00:08:37]>> Yeah, I'm a director of the company.

[00:08:39]That's how I uh how I'm out here.

[00:08:41]>> What's um your background? You were in you were in Now, correct me if I'm wrong, you were in restaurants and bars in the UK.

[00:08:48]>> Yeah, restaurants and bars Australia, the UK, a few other places here and there, but uh yeah, >> you had a pretty interesting childhood.

[00:08:55]Your your father worked in um Papa New Guinea.

[00:08:59]>> He's a marine engineer. So, I mean, I was born in Singapore. Uh my parents met in Bahrain in the Middle East in the 70s. I was born in the 80s in Singapore.

[00:09:07]We moved around a bit. moved to Australia in the late ' 80s, early 90s.

[00:09:12]Uh then moved around Australia quite a bit and then I've lived in England, a few other countries in Europe and stuff for short periods of time back to Australia.

[00:09:22]>> You're in Papa New Guinea for a while.

[00:09:23]He was working >> Papa New Guinea for a bit. My father's, uh he's been director of a shipyard in Papa New Guinea for 20 years nearly. So uh and that's very close to Ken's where my uh family lives in Australia. So it's an hour flight. It's a it's a interesting place.

[00:09:37]>> I can imagine.

[00:09:39]Yeah. Yeah.

[00:09:39]>> Have you been back?

[00:09:40]>> Uh yeah, I've been there a few times in the last few years just when I see my father. We'll sometimes go out there for a week and he still has business out there and things like that, but uh yeah, it's it's an interesting place. A little dangerous, but beautiful country.

[00:09:53]>> Makes it more interesting, doesn't it?

[00:09:54]>> Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[00:09:55]>> When did you first discover India?

[00:09:57]>> Oh, uh uh 2010 I came out to Goa the first time and uh used to came here for a few weeks. Did the same thing in 2011.

[00:10:04]And then I haven't been out here until 2023.

[00:10:08]>> 24, sorry.

[00:10:10]>> Why did you Why did you leave Australia?

[00:10:11]Why did you leave the UK? What was going on there that sort of didn't make it work for you?

[00:10:15]>> Well, I mean, it just got a bit bit dayto-day, a bit tough to tough to live and tough to thrive in in uh Australia.

[00:10:21]I find, you know, if you want to do something business-wise, it costs a lot of money and a lot of time and a lot of effort for >> a lot of taxes and a lot of things like that. So, I mean, India is a great opportunity. lots up coming uh you know it's a very upcoming area like you've seen you know there's stuff being built all the time so I think it's quite a good move and uh you know >> is it less stress doing business here >> very much uh a different kind of stress I would say different kind of stress you know but uh yeah yeah yeah much less than Australia >> is this for you something that's sort of temporary like you're going to do 5 years 10 years and you've always got the idea you're going to go home or do you see yourself sort of this is a permanent gig living in India >> I'm not sure I think I'll see in the next 5 years. I'm not very good at uh planning out my future too well. I'd like to go with the go with the wind if there's other opportunities to be had and >> as possible. But yeah, I think we'll be here for the next uh few years at least.

[00:11:13]My uh my partner, my girlfriend stuff is out here and it's a good way for us to be together.

[00:11:19]>> I know some of us, Paul, we have we love this freedom that we have and we we change our mind and we we're not too restrictive. We don't have too many commitments and responsibilities. Do you find having the business here um you you get a little bit frustrated at not having the ability to move around as much as you used to?

[00:11:34]>> H I mean a little bit. India is such a vast country. There's so much to do here and stuff like that. I mean it's uh yeah I don't feel tied down or anything like that. There's always the offse there's the monsoon. There's time to travel and and do things and stuff, you know. So I don't feel very stuck. No. No.

[00:11:51]>> So it suits you?

[00:11:52]>> Yeah. Yeah. It suits me. It suits me pretty good. Yeah. It's it's it's nice.

[00:11:56]Thanks for having us, Paul. Really appreciate it. Yeah, no problem. Cheers.

[00:12:00]>> Hello, gentlemen. How are you?

[00:12:02]>> Good.

[00:12:03]>> Can you trim my beard?

[00:12:04]>> Yeah, sure. Why not?

[00:12:05]>> Yeah. How much to trim my beard?

[00:12:06]>> 150.

[00:12:07]>> 150. And it's okay to video.

[00:12:09]>> Why not? I remember you. I remember you come before, actually.

[00:12:11]>> Yeah. Last year.

[00:12:12]>> Last year.

[00:12:13]>> Thank you. I like your beard. It's very nice. Yeah. Thank you.

[00:12:15]>> Okay. I'm sorry. I smell I little bit. I walking all day in the Yeah. Oh, thank you.

[00:12:21]>> It's normal.

[00:12:22]>> It's normal.

[00:12:24]Oops. Okay.

[00:12:28]>> And a bit quiet for you now. Yeah, >> it's very quiet.

[00:12:34]>> So, I would like just to be thin. Yeah.

[00:12:37]>> It's too thick.

[00:12:38]>> So, we could thin it up a little bit.

[00:12:40]Yeah.

[00:12:41]>> What is your name?

[00:12:42]>> Adil.

[00:12:42]>> Adil. I remember now. Adil. Yeah.

[00:12:45]>> Mhm.

[00:12:45]>> You've had this for a long time now.

[00:12:47]Yeah.

[00:12:47]>> Uh, from 2006.

[00:12:50]>> 2006. Yeah. You're from where? Adil?

[00:12:52]>> From North India. North India.

[00:12:54]>> Uttar Pradesh.

[00:12:55]>> Uttar Pradesh. Yeah. Okay.

[00:12:58]>> And your family's here also or?

[00:13:00]>> Uh family not till now but soon.

[00:13:03]>> Mhm.

[00:13:03]>> She coming.

[00:13:04]>> Mhm.

[00:13:04]>> Make head shave also.

[00:13:06]>> Uh okay. Why not? Yeah.

[00:13:08]>> Where did you learn to do the barber? Do the hairdressing?

[00:13:11]>> My brother.

[00:13:12]>> Your brother?

[00:13:12]>> Yeah.

[00:13:13]>> Is your brother here also?

[00:13:14]>> Yeah.

[00:13:14]>> Yeah.

[00:13:15]>> Big brother.

[00:13:15]>> A big brother. You have a big family?

[00:13:18]>> Uh yes.

[00:13:19]>> Yeah.

[00:13:20]>> We are six. Six >> brother and sister.

[00:13:23]>> Oh goodness. So just you and your brother living here. Yeah.

[00:13:27]>> Yeah.

[00:13:27]>> Uhhuh.

[00:13:31]>> And what do you enjoy? Do you watch the football or do you like the cricket?

[00:13:34]>> Nothing.

[00:13:35]>> Nothing.

[00:13:37]>> I like to make money.

[00:13:38]>> You like to make money. How many businesses do you have? Do you have more than one business or >> No, that's this one.

[00:13:44]>> Mhm. And what do you do with your money?

[00:13:46]Do you uh you like to >> spend my family and make some good things? Make househ.

[00:13:53]>> Uh-huh.

[00:13:54]>> Make small uh things at house.

[00:13:57]>> How much is to to buy a small house here?

[00:14:01]>> Uh depend >> what what you buy.

[00:14:04]>> Three bedroomedroom, one bathroom.

[00:14:07]>> Three bedroom, one bathroom and everything. Apartment. Yes.

[00:14:11]>> Yeah.

[00:14:12]>> Uh more than 80 lakh. 80 lakh >> more than >> so one lakh is 100,000 rupees.

[00:14:19]>> Yes.

[00:14:20]>> Mhm.

[00:14:22]>> But good one new one and good brand and good good location.

[00:14:28]>> Oh, I see. Yeah.

[00:14:30]>> So, you like plan Dubai?

[00:14:33]>> Oh, not yet. I don't know where I want to live. I'm not sure I can stop yet.

[00:14:37]I'm always I like to keep moving, keep traveling, uh keep interested.

[00:14:43]>> This is good place for you. You think so?

[00:14:46]>> Yeah.

[00:14:46]>> Why is Why do you think that?

[00:14:48]>> Because no city.

[00:14:50]>> No city.

[00:14:51]>> Not so many people.

[00:14:52]>> Uhhuh.

[00:14:53]>> Quiet and nice.

[00:14:54]>> Quiet and >> not not at Palin.

[00:14:56]>> Uh-huh.

[00:14:57]>> Have to go 3 km from here.

[00:15:00]>> Uh-huh. You have land here?

[00:15:02]>> I don't.

[00:15:03]>> No.

[00:15:05]>> If if you want, I can look for you if you want.

[00:15:08]>> Yeah.

[00:15:10]>> Uh maybe in a few more years. Not quite yet. While my legs can still be walking, I think I keep traveling. Yeah.

[00:15:17]>> But I have one property.

[00:15:19]>> Yeah. [clears throat] >> It's not mine.

[00:15:20]>> Mhm.

[00:15:21]>> Uh they have 10 rooms.

[00:15:24]>> 10 rooms.

[00:15:25]>> Yeah.

[00:15:25]>> Was a guest house.

[00:15:26]>> It's the guest house.

[00:15:28]>> Yeah.

[00:15:29]>> And they will give you the price for you. But if you do business here, >> you can like keep one person with you.

[00:15:40]>> Uhhuh.

[00:15:40]>> Like Indian.

[00:15:41]>> Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah.

[00:15:44]Oh, thank you for the information. I think for now I'm still traveling, but uh maybe one day. I I really like it here.

[00:15:52]>> Yeah, >> thank you.

[00:15:54]>> Thank you.

[00:15:54]>> Nice to see you again. Yeah, thank you.

[00:15:56]>> Okay, byebye.

[00:15:58]>> See you.

[00:16:00]>> I uh I had my beard trimmed there last year and they absolutely butchered it.

[00:16:07]Um it was the other chap that did it.

[00:16:08]Adil seems to have a better grasp on things.

[00:16:15]Hello.

[00:16:16]>> Hello.

[00:16:17]>> Watching you fix your fishing net. Oh, >> how you do it?

[00:16:22]>> Now we fix it. This cut, right?

[00:16:25]>> Every day many holes.

[00:16:27]>> No, not every day.

[00:16:30]>> Few days going only few days.

[00:16:32]>> Two days then fix. Yeah.

[00:16:33]>> Yeah. Today fix it and tomorrow buying.

[00:16:36]>> Uh-huh. [laughter] And today catching very good.

[00:16:39]>> No, yesterday. yesterday.

[00:16:42]>> It's maybe how many kilos in one day in this net?

[00:16:46]>> Depend for fish pound. No.

[00:16:48]>> Oh yeah.

[00:16:48]>> Sometime more sometime less.

[00:16:50]>> Sure.

[00:16:52]>> He's very fast.

[00:16:54]>> Yeah. The expert.

[00:16:56]>> Done it. Done it many times.

[00:16:58]>> Yeah.

[00:17:00]>> You know everything.

[00:17:01]>> You know everything.

[00:17:04]>> Thank you guys.

[00:17:05]>> Cheers.

[00:17:11]This is uh this is the village net or just one person owns the net.

[00:17:17]>> It's like we will do combination.

[00:17:20]>> Combination. Yeah.

[00:17:26]>> And how long is uh so one net you buy one new net and it lasts?

[00:17:31]>> It's like it's last around 3 to 4 years.

[00:17:36]>> 4 years. Then we put new nets.

[00:17:39]>> And how much is a new net? Is very big.

[00:17:42]>> Yeah, it's depend upon the size and the quality.

[00:17:46]>> Uh-huh. So if I wanted to buy this one new, it's maybe >> cost you around this 5 kg will be cost you like 5,000 something like that.

[00:17:54]>> 5,000 rupee.

[00:17:55]>> Yeah. 1 kg 800 rupees something like that.

[00:17:58]>> I see.

[00:18:01]>> Okay, I'll let you.

[00:18:02]>> This is macronet.

[00:18:03]>> Macron net. So there are different types of >> Ah, I see. So this net you take out into the ocean. You don't pull it onto the beach.

[00:18:11]>> No, you take in ocean.

[00:18:13]>> And how big are the macro?

[00:18:15]>> Macros depends.

[00:18:16]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:18:17]>> There are two two size. One is like this and one is like this.

[00:18:20]>> I see. Thank you, sir. You've been very helpful. Yeah. Have a good day. Yeah.