Social Media is Making You Weird - Para Social Relationships

Added: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]back with better than her. Like, what is hers doing that mine is not doing? She didn't do a part. So, I mean, I haven't had a coffee yet. A partless slick back, like, groundbreaking.

[00:00:06]>> Kylie Jenner wearing a slicked back pony to the Knicks game. So, I'm going to wear a slicked back pony to the Knicks game. For my girlies with huge foreheads and low-key receding hairlines like me, I was really scared to do the no-part slicked back.

[00:00:17]>> How do you feel about the partless slick backs? I saw Kylie wearing one at the Knicks game the other day, so I wanted to kind of try it out. These people crave a dictator.

[00:00:27]These people need a dictator. These types of women need to be led with everything. That's why these types of women are also the ones who get onto the internet to spew the provider [ __ ] patriarchal BS that they expect from their husbands, and push onto their sons and daughters. Oh, well, one might say it's not that deep, but it is. And it's pattern recognition. Look at how these types of women voted in 2024. These people need a dictator. They crave a dictator. These women have zero autonomy. They don't want autonomy. A lot of them will sit there and say they're feminists. Oh, I'm feminist. I'm feminist. But, arguably, I think that's becoming less popular. I think many people are actually veering away from saying they're feminist. With the social climate right now, I think many of these women are looking to their men, looking to their fathers and brothers, and saying, "No. I was never feminist. 2010s girl boss movement, I just hopped on that. That was a trend for them, too.

[00:01:37]You know what I mean? These women concern me because they perpetuate the patriarchy in an integral way. They'll get into the churches and be the backbone of the church. They'll raise their kids up in this manner. And their kids, their sons, end up being people who look very similar to the people who are leading our country right now. So, yeah, this [ __ ] concerns me. This [ __ ] bothers me.

[00:02:10]All this trendy [ __ ] that every single month there's a trend, trend, trend.

[00:02:16]>> So, once upon a time I was dating this guy, right? Everything was going great.

[00:02:19]And out of nowhere he's like, "Uh, um, this isn't going to work out." And I was like, "Shit, okay, maybe he's just avoiding it, right?" No, turns out he probably came across my TikToks where I was rambling on about him.

[00:02:30]So, if you didn't know, a friend told me that if another person has your number saved and your number is linked to your TikTok, then you'll naturally show up on their feed.

[00:02:43]So, you mean to tell me this guy saw all the times that I made videos about him.

[00:02:48]Yeah, I like that has to be the only reason. Like, it came out of nowhere and then he apologized later. He's like, "You've been like great. Just like, you're just so bubbly." Like, I don't know, whatever. Anyways, um, Ray, if you're seeing this, I'm so sorry.

[00:03:03]But, I'm in a happy, healthy relationship now, um, with someone who loves me dearly and deals with my whimsical videos on here. Hi ladies, welcome back to my channel. So, one of you beautiful ladies requested that I that I do a video on parasocial relationships and how it is harmful to your everyday life. This came from the MJ Gray video where I spoke about how MJ Gray, [music] um, previously would shout from the rooftops that women should swear off men completely, not date them, certainly not marry them, only for her to turn around and not take her own advice and ride off into the sunset with a man to live happily ever after. And how she faced a lot of backlash from that because [music] many of her supporters felt betrayed. And the reason why many of her supporters felt betrayed and so many women like her, many celebrities and social media influencers who go through heartbreaking situations.

[00:03:54]Many of you move beyond just simply empathizing with the human experience of what they've gone through, and many of you go through a deep depression yourself as if you were living through that situation with a friend or as if it happened to you because you live vicariously through these women online.

[00:04:11]You internalize their real life experiences and you kind of made it your own. And when [music] the reality is shifted and altered and proven to be false, the facade [music] is exposed. Many of you feel let down because the facade of that parasocial relationship has been proven to be false. You were living a lie for God knows how long, and now you have to face the reality [music] of what you thought to be true and finally being false. And so, today I'm going to talk to you about parasocial relationship, how that comes about, and how you can avoid it because if we're honest, many people have fallen victim to this in some way or another [music] at some point in their life. And I feel like with the way that things are changing in society, especially as [music] it relates to going back to conservative values and more traditional values, the severity of parasocial relationships and people going back to a private, [music] more intentional life is surfacing and is challenging people who once depended upon cyber relationships to validate and form part of their identity. And while obviously social media has its benefits, you know, it's connected us to people from around the world and even just parts of our own country, um [music] state, what have you, that we probably would have never encountered in real life. You know, we can learn valuable insights in these individuals. Many people have become dependent upon these cyber relationships to the point where you're now forming a relationship in your mind that is not real, a one-sided relationship at that, with an individual who doesn't even know that you exist. Right? And so, it's one thing to admire someone, it's one thing to respect someone and look to them as a role model to gain inspiration from.

[00:05:50]Like that's also important. We all do it. But it's another thing to then take on and form a reality in your mind surrounded upon this person, right? What you think that person would like, what you think that person would not like, what you think that person would do in a certain situation, and sort of living that as if that person is a real human character in your life that, you know, you have access to mutually. And affixing real-life attributes to this individual. And a lot of people are starting to come back to reality, and they're understanding that these not only are these relationships not real, but they are harmful to your mental health because [music] it is a warped sense of reality. And again, many of you are Not you, like my supporters, like you who this applies to, are living life based on this false sense of reality, and it's impairing your ability to actually [music] have real-life meaningful uh And beyond that, for many women, you have gotten into these parasocial [music] relationships where you lack actual meaningful real-life relationships as a result because you have fractured relationship with women in your actual life, and that often stems [music] from having stems from having an unhealthy relationship with your mom, okay? Our mothers, our caregivers, what have [music] you, are the ones who socialize us and tell us how to interact with other human beings.

[00:07:12]And so, [music] you know, maybe your mom was not a safe space for you. Maybe she would gossip about you. Maybe she would criticize you to other people. Um maybe she would constantly downplay your feelings and your emotions when you express it to her. So, instead of you telling her things, you now form a parasocial relationship with a woman online because you feel as if she can relate to you. You feel as if she has gone through many of the things that you currently struggle with. And so, [music] you know, you find hope and inspiration from her, and you form an emotional connection to this individual. Okay, maybe your mom despite her best interests or despite her best efforts, maybe she also displayed unhealthy social habits that you simply just pick up on. Maybe your mom also kind of allowed herself to be a people pleaser, right? Parasocial, a lot of people who have parasocial relationships are also people pleasers in real life.

[00:08:05]Okay, like they create these fake fantasies in their mind and they're also people pleasers in real life because they so desperately want people's approval and affection. And so they're willing to do whatever it takes to get that sense of connection, whether it's bending over backwards to make somebody happy, whether it's denying who they are to make somebody happy, or whether it's convincing themselves that someone online is their real life friend, sister, cousin, whatever, when in reality again, the relationship is not real. And so this also extends to you and shows up as an individual having no identity of their own. Many of these women end up being finessed by people who lie to them essentially on social media like MJ Gray and so many others who've been exposed because [music] they have no actual sense of identity. And again, it goes back to not having a healthy relationship with a woman who taught you in real life how to navigate the world, who affirmed your identity.

[00:09:00]Because [music] imagine you're you're a young girl growing up in the world, you have aside from the personality that you were born with, you really and truly have no idea and sense of self until your mother, your grandmother, your aunts, your sisters, whoever, come >> [music] >> and teach you how to have a sense of self. They teach you how to cultivate your identity and how to function and have that fit in the world with other human beings. And so [music] many women who have parasocial relationships, they do so because they have no identity and they're looking for a host to teach them [music] how to respond and react. And again, there's nothing wrong with gaining inspiration from other human beings that we admire and find interesting. That [music] is a normal form of human psychology. That is how we form our identities and our sense of [music] self. But when it when you become solely dependent upon someone who doesn't know that you exist and so therefore you have a one-sided [music] relationship that is not real and you're dependent upon this person telling you who you are, telling you what you should think and do, it cuts you off from a real sense of reality in your your real life where >> [music] >> what may fit and work online doesn't actually fit and work in real life. And so you're struggling to have meaningful relationships because you're trying to apply a cyber reality to a real-life reality that doesn't work. So for example, the whole female red pill rhetoric where you are to [music] use a man, he is expected to pay all of your bills by the second date.

[00:10:30]And again, I always tell women to not date broke bum losers. So don't misconstrue where I'm going with [music] this. But many of you have bought into the reality that, you know, a man is expected to do all these elaborate extravagant things for you and then you're blindsided when you find out that that woman that you were taking that advice from and actually applying it in real life as if it were gospel, is actually living a 50/50 life with that man. Or you find out that that man was an abusive bum to [music] her. And so on the surface, she was showing you this extravagant lavish lifestyle and then behind the scenes, she was living a life of hell that every woman who lives in 2026 who has the fortune of being born and existing in this point in history should do everything in their power to avoid because you you you legitimately do not need to subject yourself to being abused by a man any longer because women have the ability and the power to be self-sufficient. So they therefore do not need to bear themselves to men [music] who abuse them because of survival, right? You can survive on your own. Or, another example is when MJ Gray and others like her who tell you that men are bad, which yes, there are bad [music] men out there, but there's also good men out there. So, they failed to show you that nuance. It's one extreme or the other where they tell you stay away, um >> [music] >> don't deal with these men all together, you know, let's all stay together and swear off men completely. But then they turn around and ride off into the sunset, and you're left confused because it's like you dedicated your real life to [music] this gospel where it's like, okay, you know, that one guy that hurt me, that I honestly had no business dealing with in the first place, who showed me the signs and the red lights in the beginning, um he hurt me, and so now I'm not I'm going to swear off all men all together, and I'm not going to give any man a chance ever again.

[00:12:17]But then my guru, you know, she was motivating us and and making it seem as if we were all in this together, she goes and she lives a reality that is contrary to what she preached. And now I'm left with cognitive dissonance, and I'm [music] left with a feeling of not having any hope because it's like, okay, I did everything that you taught me to do, and I'm miserable, but I won't admit it. But then now you get to ride off into the sunset and live the reality that if we were being honest, all [music] of us want, but we're too hurt and too bitter to admit. And so we hide behind the facade of all men are bad and evil, and you know, down with the patriarchy, which yes, down with the patriarchy if it's being used to abuse you. And so this is why it's important, is what I'm trying [music] to say, that you have your own identity, okay? You stick to your values, whatever they may be, and you stick to your [music] values based on what works for you personally, okay? Again, your upbringing, the way that you were socialized, where you went to school, where you went to your place of worship, where you grew up in your community, these are all settings that help to form your identity and your values, [music] okay? But there are things I'm pretty sure that you were taught as a child that you don't agree with, and in those levels those beliefs and those values go, and you've replaced them with beliefs and values that [music] resonate more with you and and hold more true to you. The same thing applies with social media. And I said this time and time again, including with myself, you need to learn how to compartmentalize information that you hear online because many people have good [music] intentions and started off having good intentions where they wanted to help women live better and more fulfilling lives, but there's also the other side of social media where many people uh obviously want to get paid.

[00:13:55]They don't want to work their 9-5s.

[00:13:56]They're getting lucrative careers telling you, feeding rage rate to you, and here you are with your one-sided parasocial relationship absorbing and ingesting this rage bait content and then wondering why you are so disconnected from other human beings in real life because you haven't accepted or realized that >> [music] >> social media reality does not fit with real life reality because social media is inflated. It's just like um Instagram makeup, social media makeup, where the girls beat their faces to the nines and they over highlight and over use blush on their face and [music] it looks amazing in photos, but when you actually see those girls in real life, it's like, "Whoa, it looks like you dipped your face in paint and walked out the door."

[00:14:39]It looks crazy. Same with lip fillers.

[00:14:41]It may look nice in photos with certain angles and settings and lighting, but when you see that girl in real life, it's like, "Babes, it looks like a bee stung you in the lip." It does not look good. Another part of the social the parasocial relationship that many people um [music] don't talk about is how it can impact you in real life and how it can actually make [music] you lose out on good relationships. And a part of having a parasocial relationship online is [music] not only are you ingesting information, but you're also oversharing information, right? You want to engage in that social media dialogue where it's like you ingest someone's information vomit and [music] you also return and participate in that relationship by oversharing details. Where you went for vacation, where you had breakfast, [music] your your great-grandmother's lab results, the fact that you're you're you're 20 weeks pregnant and you don't know who the daddy is. Like little things that should be kept in your diary that honestly you shouldn't even tell your friends in real life >> [music] >> has found its way onto social media and is almost expected to the point that if you do not overshare or if you do not have social media altogether or [music] even a burner account, people assume that something is wrong with you. People assume that you are weird, you're antisocial, what have you. When in reality, you're actually those are actually values of you having proper boundaries that people of means and I'm not even just talking about money, but people with good values and yes, also people with power and status in society, [music] they actually value because you read as someone who has boundaries and that also reads as someone who does not have a risk, whether it's with friendships, whether it's romantically, you read as someone who is low risk. And so, you read as someone who is safer than someone who overshares. So, it's like, I want to invite you to my great-grandfather's 80th birthday celebration, but I don't want to see snippets of that on social media because you thought it was appropriate to bring your phone and record secretly something that should have just been an [music] intimate moment for friends and family.

[00:16:39]And so, just like at the beginning of the video where that young lady said that a guy broke up with her because he found her social media. That is starting to happen for a lot of women. A lot of women, if you go over to Lipstick Alley, there are women sharing their real life experiences where they want to date men of means, right? These are successful, accomplished women who want to date men of means and they're having a hard time because [music] they overshare. And there are social media influencers who people are analyzing and doing case studies on where they're like, this girl is super beautiful, she's very successful, you know, she seems like a cat, but she herself has admitted to struggling to being able to find a good man where by definition, yes, even though men of means are harder to come by the higher you go up, someone like her should still be able to find somebody. But, many women are sharing in the comments and saying that a lot of well-to-do social media influencers and just women in real life are facing the real consequences of [music] not being able to move past relationships on social media because men in real life who actually [music] have legacy to protect, a rep reputations to protect, status and power, they cannot afford to be associated with a woman who overshares, with a woman who does not understand [music] real life. Because when you understand real life, you understand the risks associated with sharing anything on social media, especially when you have certain status and power. And so, [music] it's like, "Okay, she's cute. I may mess around with her a couple times, but I'm not going to actually form [music] a fulfilling, meaningful relationship with this individual because you talk entirely too much. You chat too much." And so, many of you, if you are dating and you're having a hard time >> [music] >> having men take you seriously, I invite you to look at what you're sharing on social media, and that includes on LinkedIn [music] as well. If you feel the need to talk about that one time every single time your boss dismisses you off, or every single time there's a story behind the conversation that you had with a co-worker, or you feel the need to share every single intimate detail from your trip. While people will gladly consume that information as a form of entertainment, they are never going to take you seriously and take it any further than that because having parasocial relationships online and oversharing online is the equivalent of being around someone who's a gossip. And we all know when someone is a gossip, you stay very, very clear away from that person, and you limit the information that you share around that person and honestly around the people that's around that person. The way that Beyoncé is very particular about the information that is put out about her, right?

[00:19:13]Because all it take is a "Oh, you're dating so-and-so. Did you see that post that she posted the other day about dating rich men? You're a rich man."

[00:19:22]Like, "Oh, is she talking about you?"

[00:19:24]And it's like, "Oh my god."

[00:19:26]Oh, especially if he's older. It's like, men like that will take great care in telling their dates, "You got to be careful what you post because you represent the family." But it's like, "Now I got a chatty patty girlfriend who's up here running her mouth talking about dating men of means as if people can't put two and two together that her and I are dating. And now my business is out there for everybody to see. And people of means, power, class, whatever, they value privacy. Because you when you work very hard to build a legacy, maintain a legacy, if you were born into some sort of status, wealth, whatever, all it takes is one little stain or tarnish to tarnish your reputation entirely. And nobody takes you seriously. Okay? So, for the love of God, if you're finding it difficult to date uh men of means, I'm talking to women who you yourself have built a life for yourself, you have a good career, you have your own assets, whatever, please [music] do not sully your reputation by blabbing on social media.

[00:20:21]I think we need to move away from the desire to have other human beings [music] validate our life experiences and go back to a time where we valued private, intentional, real life interactions with other human beings that we've actually built a rapport with. And not looking to seek validation from someone who you and I both know they don't like you and you don't like that. Your life will be more fulfilling and more meaningful and less >> [music] >> anxiety-induced when you're no longer performing for the validation of people who don't like you.

[00:20:52]Okay? Many of you do this, whether it's oversharing in order to [music] get people to want to form a connection with you or whether it's you over-identifying with someone who you don't know. Many of you do this because you so desperately need a sense of community and you need a sense of validation. Okay? You give your power away to someone else by holding on to these unhealthy relationships, when you can actually learn how to put that air and that energy into forming meaningful real-life connections.

[00:21:20]Some of you also have these parasocial relationships as an escape from real ones because you have social anxiety, and you don't [music] realize it or you don't want to admit it. Okay? So, you know all these intimate details about someone else online who doesn't even know that you exist, but you struggle with forming and maintaining real-life relationships due to unresolved or unrealized social anxiety. And honestly, parasocial relationships are a cause and also an effect of [music] social anxiety. Okay? So, to overcome this, detach from social media. Stop placing so much weight and value, and decenter other people. Okay? When I say decenter men, I'm also saying decenter other human beings. I've said this before.

[00:22:02]Stop idolizing other people to the point where you place them above yourself, and start [music] centering yourself and what is best for you. Okay? And a part of that is learning to overcome your fear of other people, and just put yourself out there. Okay? You're not the only one who is nervous. It's a very normal thing to public speak, to go out and network, and meet new people, but the more you do it is the more comfortable you'll become, and you're going to start to pick up on meaningful social cues that actually help you to form meaningful relationships. Part of that for me has been volunteering. Join your local business association. Join and uh volunteer with your local hospital. Volunteer with um the local women in business, whatever, [music] or an ERG at work, and learn how to connect with people, talk to people. You already have something in common because you guys are both supporting a cause that you [music] both care about. That is like the quickest and easiest way to form meaningful relationships, whether it's friendships, whether it's a mentor-mentee relationship, or whether it's a romantic relationship. Okay?

[00:23:00]Expecting to use dating apps, expecting to use social media to form deeply entrenched relationship is not going to work and that's why a lot of you meet people online for example and expect that relationship to turn into something meaningful and it just falls by the wayside [music] because everyone is putting on their best face online, whether it's through their dating profile, whether it's through their Instagram [music] profile, TikTok, whatever and they're not you're not learning how to navigate the little quirks that [music] make us human and I'm not even talking about toxic behaviors. I'm talking about like little hang-ups that every human being has that we all need to learn how to navigate in order to maintain healthy relationships.

[00:23:37]You're not going to cut off every single person that you meet just because they pissed you off because then you're not going to have any meaningful friends.

[00:23:43]Just because someone pissed you off in [music] one interaction doesn't mean that they're a bad person and you need to swear off of them completely. But the way that you both handle and navigate those hurt is what will determine whether or not this is a relationship worthy being or whether it's something that you need to walk away from and honestly you're not going to learn how to do that behind a [music] screen and certainly not behind hiding behind a parasocial relationship where everyone is performing and putting on their best face and not being real and authentic.

[00:24:09]Anyway, these are my thoughts on the topic. Let me know what you think down below in the comments and I will see you in the next video.