Lane and Smith masterfully transform digital vitriol into a lesson on emotional resilience through the lens of self-deprecating humor. Their ability to distinguish between malice and wit offers a sophisticated blueprint for navigating modern online toxicity.
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Reading More Mean Comments - Matteo Lane & Nick Smith - I Never Liked You 116Added:
The lighting is giving high school improv show where they dress in all black and do a spoken word performance about the importance of wearing protection during sex.
>> Welcome back to another episode of I never liked to mate and Nick Smith and today we are reacting to mean comments part two.
>> And boy do our fans love to leave us comments. You know what I've noticed actually, not even just on our episodes, but whenever we're guests on other people's podcasts, >> they it gets so many comments. Our fans are very engaged.
>> I think because they know that we're reading them >> sometime. I've stopped now completely.
>> I love to read them.
>> Well, I had to cuz I just it just affect I'm emotional. I'm too, >> you know, I love to read them.
>> But I do know people don't like my eyes.
They they >> We'll get to it.
>> Okay, great. All right. So, I have some.
Chris has some he found. So, Chris, pull it up and we'll go back and forth.
>> I've never seen Nick more graceful, luminous, translucent.
>> Thank you. Check.
>> This is how we're starting. We said mean comments.
>> No. And truthful comments.
>> Translucent.
Uh, I stand by that.
>> I think Yeah, I do. I think that's right.
>> Certainly graceful.
>> But this is a good color on you.
>> Thank you. New York City. My next monthly comedy show is on April 21st at Union Hall in Brooklyn. Please get your tickets at the link in the description.
And if you don't, I will literally never forgive you. I love you, Matteo.
>> But I love Nick more.
>> That's it. That's all it says.
>> That's it.
>> It's all I needed to be.
>> Oh, okay.
>> I'm going to choose to believe that the Italian-American family that helped Matteo was a Sopranos.
Why?
>> Your grandmother loves the Sopranos.
>> Well, my grandmother loves The Sopranos.
My grand That's her favorite TV show.
That Game of Thrones is her favorite TV show.
>> And My Thousand Pound Sisters.
>> Oh, and My Thousand Pound Sisters. Yeah.
And um uh 90-Day Fiance.
>> So, she just loves TV.
>> She loves TV. Yeah. Hoarders. She loves hoarders.
>> Um Okay. This is I finally have a comment for you to address >> Okay.
>> The eyes.
>> Okay. What's the deal with Matteo's eyes? Is it Botox? I get that he is gay, but he looks like he's trying to smile like a six-year-old girl.
>> How do six-year-old girls smile?
>> How you smile?
>> Really? Well, I stopped getting Botox on my forehead. I was like, >> "So, address it. You constantly say they're coming for your eyes."
>> Well, I have sleepy eyes and then But but my whole It's honestly been my whole life since sixth grade. I'd be in choir and I'd be singing and then you know I'm like having a good time. I feel my eyes right now feel wide awake. I feel wide >> so awake and then everyone says the same thing since my whole life. Why are you so tired? Are you high? This and that.
And I'm like I don't smoke weed. I'm wide awake. Even at the airport my cousin Kelly cuz all my cousins and I have the same eyes and everyone comments to the point where we have like threads about how people tell us that we always look tired. You know, one time I was in such a bad mood and I was like trying to travel and I'm like late for the whatever and it was a small airport and the TSA worker and God bless TA TSA workers, okay? This is no knock to them and they should be funded, but I'm just saying she in particular chose me in front of everyone >> as I would do.
>> And she was like, "You guys got to it's 4:00 a.m." She goes, "I just I had 3 hours sleep. You guys got to wake up."
And she looked at me, she goes, "Looks like you haven't had sleep in weeks."
And I just turned to her in front of everyone. I said, "That was incredibly hurtful and you just hurt my feelings."
I said, "I'm wide awake right now. Thank you for making me feel bad about myself." And everyone froze. And she froze and she came up to me and she like whispered. She's like, "I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings." I said, "You should be." And then I called my cousin Kelly and we were like, we're like, "I did it." But I just remember being like, "I'm just I'm tired. I get it." So all the comments like, "You look tired. Are you tired? You're high. Your eyes are too sleepy." I'm like, "They're awake.
This is how I look. I can't change it.
>> I stand with that TS worker.
>> Moral of the story, I think she was in the right and I stand.
>> I feel bad for so long. I'm too sensitive.
>> Too sensitive. Obviously, you're attractive and have nice eyes. People are just who they are.
>> Well, that was the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
>> Maybe I don't have nice eyes. I like my eyes.
>> I mean, they're not as good as mine, but you have eyes.
>> Hit it, Chris. Bob somehow finding a more gay turtleneck sweater than Nick is groundbreaking.
>> Well, that you guys were both at like a 1980s brunch for Christmas break.
>> I wore that turtleneck for New Year's.
>> Really?
>> Yes.
>> The one Bob's wearing?
>> Yes. Because it's at his studio. And I was like, "Oh, I should wear something shiny for New Year's." And I wore that.
>> The one that you fell asleep at?
>> Yes. I didn't fall asleep.
>> Yeah. I We have video evidence of you.
Monae and Bob and Jacob all sent me videos of you sound asleep while chaos is in resting my eyes.
>> Which of all people you should know?
>> Maybe that's why I'm not as tired as you cuz I'm always resting, >> right?
>> I will always admire Nick's commitment to never learning anything about how anything works ever. He's just so pure.
I am pure.
>> The that was someone calling you an idiot. No, I'm pure and young at heart.
>> I just cannot believe you the freerange chicken thing. I don't think that actually >> that made me really sad.
>> That will never leave me that you thought >> that hunters were just waking up in the morning and going out into a dark forest and trying to hunt chickens like it was Breath of the Wild.
>> I know >> for the millions of people that are eating chickens, obviously that the living conditions for these poor chickens are not good.
Makes me sad. Now, >> you want to add >> We gota We got >> Aska said, "Do you want to add a chicken to your >> We gota get We got to get them a sanctuary so they can free range."
>> Well, I think we don't need to be eating so much meat in this country or poultry.
>> Okay, I didn't say that, but >> Well, then what do you want them to It's bad.
>> They should free range.
>> Are you going to change your order at Chipotle?
>> Well, no.
>> I mean, the the chickens are already cooked, >> but I mean, I'm not going to eat it.
It's already there.
>> I don't think you understand how this works.
By saying you're not going to eat it anymore to make chicken that's not being eaten.
Therefore, they kill in front of me. So, it's already chopped up. We can't glue it back together to make the chicken.
>> If again, if you don't go now, even though it's already made.
>> Well, I'm not not going.
>> So, don't put the chicken behind you.
>> Oh, I'm going to.
>> All right. Hit it, Chris. Nick is the male version of olive oil. And you got the red shirt on. Yeah, you do.
>> I kind of am giving olive oil.
>> This is a bit like vampire in Palm Springs.
>> Thank you. My brother Joey would appreciate it.
>> Oh, my brother Jo would appreciate it.
>> Obsessed with how blitzed Matteo looks in each thumbnail.
>> Well, this is the same to be fair. Like I do also have dry eye. Do you know what dry eyes actually mean?
>> I Yes. Unfortunately, >> I had rosacea when I was younger and did. Yeah. Yeah. And they had to laser it off cuz it was so bad.
>> But they didn't get around my eyes. And what happens is it closes the glands that like secrete the the oil for your eyes. So they've become clogged. So then I have to go I just did my first like run. You have to It's horrible. You have to put these shields under your eyes.
They numb your eyes. You take a literal shield, put it under your lids. Then they have to do IPL laser all around to try and break up the small veins so that your glands are free again. So that if I don't put eye drops in my eye, if I'm like I'm talking for a really long time, they get really red and glossy. So we sit here and do like five episodes back to back to back and then we take a photo together under not, you know, the world's most photogenic light when you get close to it and then my eyes look blitzed. And people are always like, "Oh my god, you're high. Matteo's high.
Matteo looks bad. His eyes look terrible. Did Matteo even wake up?" I'm like, "No, I have something that hurts.
I have to go get it lasered off and it's terrible." And they're still not better.
I'm on like three different eye drops I have to take a day and then I have to go I have to wait 6 months after this to go back and see how it looks. So I put Lumifi in my eyes to whiten them. But then my eye doctor was like that's really bad for your eyes and stop doing it. I was like I know but we film our podcast a bunch and I do YouTube a bunch and I stream a bunch so like otherwise if I don't do it then they make fun of my eyes. She's like well you're hurting your eyes. I was like but then they make fun of my eyes. She's like who's they? I was like the comments. But it's been a very um it's annoying.
>> And to be fair, you do normally smoke a blunt before each episode.
>> My god, I don't smoke weed.
>> I like Nick a lot, but he's more helpless than graceful.
Well, Zero Horizon.
>> These are your comments you selected for yourself versus mine.
>> This one's better. It gets worse.
>> Nick is as trusting me. Nick is as graceful as a shopping cart with one broken wheel.
Elegant and graceful. Gets the job done.
Oh, you don't really know. You don't go to the grocery store.
>> Chris, I don't like how fast and loose you're playing.
>> You really are out here.
>> That was a double whammy.
>> You really are out here.
>> You got to admit, Chris ate with that.
That was good, Chris. That was amazing.
Chris hanging out with comics is rubbing off. Chris came in hot. That was perfect.
You would like to grocery store.
>> This is a comment I got on Grinder recently. I had >> This is not about the podcast then.
>> No, it is.
>> Oh my god. What?
>> I had never messaged this person before.
It's just a message they sent. Aren't you kind of famous FOR BEING DUMB?
I DON'T KNOW THIS PERSON. I had never messaged this person. They had never messaged me.
>> Dude, let me ask you a question. Like, what's the difference? Because I mean, I'm just sensitive in general, but like this actually helps like reading it with you cuz then it's like, oh yeah, it's not a big deal. Who cares? We have a fun life.
>> They're not all losers. The people that are losers are the ones leaving these comments.
>> Well, they're not losers. I think what we forget is like, you know, you make something hoping that it's lighting up someone's day >> and then the only thing they notice is how bad I look and then you're like, "Oh."
>> Again, there are mean comments that are just plain mean and then there are mean comments that are just genuinely funny that clock us like a broken wheel. But that's what I'm saying. People that leave those I will laugh all day long.
The people that are trying to like actually be mean are losers.
>> They're keyboard losers in their basement somewhere.
>> I don't know that they're always in their basement. Everyone's on their phones now. We have to get rid of this idea that someone's in the basement and they live in their mom's basement.
People I think people are just genuinely >> This was about our national anthem episode about the Super Bowl where we said Whitney's was the best >> and I said Faith Hills was the second best >> and this person decided we're both wrong.
>> Who's better?
>> Cuz you said second best I think was Jennifer Hudson. I said >> and this I think Mariah Carey.
And this guy >> said we were both wrong. He said, "For [ __ ] sake, Chris Stapleton is second best. You two should stick to pole smoking."
>> What's pole smoking?
>> What do you think pole smoking?
>> Sucking dick.
>> Obviously.
>> Well, I think sucking dick gives us the advantage of having a better opinion about singers.
>> I agree.
>> I mean, notoriously those who suck dick know more about singers than those who do not. So, if anything, it's a contradiction. Me sucking dick.
>> Say that.
>> Me sucking dick means I know who's a better singer.
>> Exactly. Now, I could have let that comment go and I rarely comment back, but I did write back and said, "Will do that's my favorite thing to smoke."
>> You don't even suck there.
>> Um, can we please stop letting stupid people give hot takes? So, they're obviously referring to you.
Does anyone know what a comedy show is?
>> No. No.
>> No. No. No. No. No.
>> That turtleneck/ sweater. Sears catalog 1975.
>> Honestly, that that's they kind of clocked you.
>> They did.
>> Someone said, "Does Matteo only wear five shirts and I wanted to write back?"
>> Yes.
>> Um, when I wear my chunky purple turtleneck.
>> Mhm. It's like if the Grinch was purple and also on the spectrum, which I think we could argue the Grinch is somewhat on the spectrum anyways.
>> Yeah, >> the Grinch.
>> The Grinch.
>> You more than the Grinch.
>> Sure. Hit it, Matteo. Or >> wait, Matteo didn't break out into song.
So proud. That's called growth.
>> Oh, yeah. I won't sing anymore. Well, sometimes. Everyone >> sometimes. Yeah, but you all hate it.
>> This one is not a mean comment. just genuinely made me laugh that this middle-aged random woman on one of our clips that had nothing to do with this wrote, "Nick, isn't sex just better with short people?
The mechanics are just better. I don't feel like climbing a tree every time I want to get off."
What?
>> Well, do you I mean, you're used to having sex with people shorter than you.
>> I agree. I recently did a comedy show and a guy was taller than me in the audience and he wed around and came up after him. He was like, "I was such a big fan." And I I'm not kidding. I go, I'm going to be honest with you right now. It is very uncomfortable talking to you.
And he like laughed and I was like, I'm uncomfortable having to look up.
>> Yeah. How tall was he?
>> Almost 7 feet.
>> Jesus.
>> It was too tall. If you're watching, I told you that.
>> Yeah. You're not used to feeling little.
This one EC Martin said, "Who's the girl?"
>> What now? Come on now.
>> Not to to take back my breaking out of the song, but I'm not that girl.
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>> A blunt bang would make Nick look like Jim Carrey and Dumb and Dumber.
>> I stand by it. Maybe not.
>> I don't think you look good in a blunt bang.
>> Maybe not that blunt, but like a little messy.
>> Well, you'd have to put a different product in it.
>> Yeah, but I love hairspray.
>> Well, you could still put hairspray in it. You just have to have it like why don't you Well, okay.
>> This was from back when we were in Pittsburgh.
With that scream, brain damage, and killer golf swing, Nick is built to be a rich man's pillow princess.
Number one, I don't scream.
I talk forcefully.
>> When? Where?
>> At the amusement park.
>> You don't scream. It's more like assertive talking.
>> I want you to answer seriously. I know you're doing a bit.
>> No, it's assertive talking. I don't scream.
>> You assertively scream on the roller coaster or you assertively talk >> like in the haunted houses and everything. I'm like assertively talking at people. I'm not screaming.
Brain damage hasn't been proven yet.
>> No, we're at office.
>> Killer golf swing. Correct.
>> No. No. We're going to Hold on. Just give me a second. We can edit this out.
READY?
NO, I DON'T HAVE A CORE.
Oh god, I don't have a core.
No, no, >> I don't have it. I for joking.
But that's not screaming.
>> No. Oh, there you >> Yeah, >> but they're words.
>> That's But that's not screaming.
I can't I'm >> That's drying.
>> I can't breathe. Oh god. Fire over.
>> That is dry heaving and talking assertively.
>> Yeah, but do you think you can't you can only you can scream words? No.
was guttural.
>> It was choking me.
>> It was guttural screaming. That was Braveheart screaming.
>> It was choking me.
>> You were screaming at the top of your Donnie was laughing. Now they know who Donnie is if you listen to our stream.
>> But forcefully words screaming.
>> You were screaming like you were being stabbed.
You were ridiculous.
You are a ridiculous person. Something is deeply wrong with you. I mean to react so insane on a child's roller coaster.
>> A child's >> It was a kids roller coaster ride.
>> They don't let kids ride that death trap.
>> Eight-year-olds behind us.
>> No, >> that was a full adult ride anymore.
>> You were insane. I don't know if we did this comment. I can't remember >> cuz it was around the time we did the other episode.
>> The to looking one ain't a real one. Why won't he hold his bro's hand?
>> First of all, bros. Second saying Tio like I look like a Latin uncle.
>> Correct. And you do.
>> Stare at the camera.
>> Do you think I look Latino?
>> A little. You definitely look like you could be someone's uncle.
>> I guess I'm a Theo. Should we make Call me Tio.
>> I mean, your face says that enough. We don't We need a t-shirt.
>> You think I look 55?
>> You look like you have aged nieces and nephews.
>> And you look eternal.
>> Thank you.
>> In the undead way.
>> This This blouse is giving vampire.
>> Giving.
You lost me at that was a really fun ice skating session, which is not a sentence anyone has uttered.
You lost me when I was we were doing >> ice skating session heated rivalry your audition which you know what now hold on before we before we close this episode we have you've had time to study >> study what >> for this role >> that's what we're doing right now >> and I would like you to come back we've given you a call back you have to come back and play what was Conor's name in the show.
>> Ilia.
>> Ilia. So, we want you to come back and audition >> for Ilia's twin.
>> Uhhuh.
>> Who also plays hockey.
>> Okay. He's coming in.
>> And uh but you're same thing. You're also closeted gay. Okay.
>> Actually, the the like Russian boyfriend of Ilia was wearing this blouse at one point. Just saying.
>> Uh hi, Mr. Smith.
>> Yes. No, the audition hasn't begun yet.
We're in the casting room right now.
>> It's called Method.
>> It's Love it. Daniel D. Lewis. Love that. Love that. Are you a fan of Daniel D. Lewis?
>> Never seen him.
>> Okay. So, now you are here to play Ilia's twin brother who is also a struggling uh Russian.
>> Uh, very good.
>> That's the method. And we uh now you've had time to work on your accent. So, obviously you replacing uh Connor was not going to happen. But now we've had some time in this twin character that we've written in. We do, even though um Connor's 5'8, >> can we get to the audition >> and you are 6'4, we do feel that you resemble each other. We'll do we'll have him stand on a stool, you on your knees.
>> So now we are going to be we're in the locker room.
>> Mhm.
>> And it's right before a really intense game >> and you're getting texts from your secret lover. Yes.
>> Who is saying that they are going to reveal the fact that you are gay when you walk out on the ice. Okay.
>> So, get ready for that. Okay. So, I'm going to be the coach. Okay. Your name is uh Da.
>> Hey, Da.
You ready for this game tonight?
Of course I am.
Uh, look, this is our last game. This is the only way we're going to win. We got to win this game. Okay.
>> You've got to win. I just >> keep going.
>> So don't let >> Wait, Nick. Ready? Ready. Oh, I wonder who knows I'm vacationing here at the Oasis.
You You have to say surprise.
>> Surprise.
>> How did you find me?
>> All right. I'm sorry, but go.
>> That was better.
>> That was better.
>> Was that worth interrupting the episode for? I think it is. I like that.
>> It was funny. All right, Chris, do we have a couple more?
>> Nick actually dressed as an armchair.
>> Nick could be a non CGI avatar.
>> You could have played Spider Boy.
>> Better than the actor.
>> He was pretty brutal.
>> Matteo Lane and Nick Smith, the new Cisll and Eert. Hilarious film critics.
That's a nice one.
>> Yeah, that's a nice one. Yeah, the lighting is giving high school improv show where they dress in all black and do a spoken word performance about the importance of wearing protection during sex.
We have struggled in this studio. We're aware far we've come now. We're just doing Russian impressions.
>> Was after school special.
Nick in the background looks like you're recounting a shark attack on I survived.
>> Well, I was eating.
>> What is this from when you and I had to film it ourselves?
>> M.
>> I don't hate Nick, but he does hurt my brain sometimes.
>> I love how out of all the food in London, Nick still picks Chipotle and Duncan. One of the most brilliant minds of our time, hanging out with Matteo Lane and Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Exactly.
>> Nick, if you're old enough to be lying about your age, then you're definitely not Jenzie.
>> Who said I'm lying about my age?
>> Everyone, including yourself.
>> I've never lied on this podcast once.
>> Do you think you're Bob on Traders right now? Because Bob at least had a a really funny comeback to that. What's your comeback?
>> What >> Bob said? I said I swore to God.
>> I didn't say I swear to God.
>> I don't know. I just said I've never lied on this podcast once.
>> No. What's the What's That's the setup.
What's the punch line?
>> I wouldn't even know how.
>> There's nothing quite like waking up in the morning and seeing Jack Skellington talk about how he wants to be thin is a dream. It's really just a lot of Squidward comments to be honest. Almost every single one is Squidward and people I will say people genuinely do for the most part like us. Most of the comments are really >> Yeah, people are really nice.
>> I just pinpoint the ones that are >> Yeah, I think you know we get sensitive but we work really hard and obviously not everyone's going to >> you know be like that was so funny.
Thanks. People disagree and that's okay.
That's like there's like the small like instant moments of feeling like it's like jarring. You're like did I say something stupid? Do I look stupid? I didn't realize, you know, like because when you're putting yourself out, you're really vulnerable, but then that kind of goes away and then you just remember, oh wait, we're like having fun and this is great and most people just kind of passively watch. It's not that important to them. Like, you know, >> we love the comments. We love the engagement and uh >> leave a funny comment on this video.
>> Leave a funny comment on this video.
Unless it's about Matteo's eyes, he has made it very clear he gets high before every episode.
>> Let it go.
>> All right.
>> Any final thoughts? No.
>> Any last reads of me?
>> None.
>> Mine is I think you are genuinely the nicest.
I can't even make up a nice comment.
I would not want to do this podcast with anyone else except maybe Bob.
You only have two friends.
Why do you have an instant stroke when you laugh hard?
It's my stroke big. This eye is smaller than this one. It just is. This is another comment someone wrote. Nick with his asymmetrical face. Oh god, it makes me laugh. Thank you for watching and listening to another episode. Please leave a funny mean comment on this one or any of our videos. And please like, comment, subscribe. Please join our Patreon for bonus episodes, behind the scenes content, and buy our merch. And until next time.
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