How Child Psychologists Transform Out of Control Kids and Families

[00:00:06][music] >> Hello and welcome back to the all new House of Tiny Terrorways. Well, Elizabeth and Lavern have been working round the clock to help our three families, but bedtime is soon approaching and we all know the one thing the Bailey kids hate more than anything is going to sleep. So, the question is will Sherry be able to get them into bed this side of midnight?

[00:00:38]When relationships are at breaking point young families are ON THE EDGE AND THE KIDS are out of control.

[00:00:51]>> [crying] >> This is where they come, the House of Tiny Terrorways. [music] Two of the country's leading child psychologists, Lavern Antrobus and Elizabeth Kilbey, are on hand to provide intensive therapy.

[00:01:05]>> [crying] >> They will observe how these [music] young parents operate and then intervene to help them turn their lives around.

[00:01:13]All the parents coming into the house over this month-long TV event are hoping that Lavern and Elizabeth can [crying] make a real difference to their lives, but whether they can remains to be seen.

[00:01:29]25-year-old Nazia and her 32-year-old husband Gulnar have been in the house for 3 days with their 3-year-old daughter Aneesa, who is refusing to eat their traditional Asian food.

[00:01:44]They've had 2 days of disastrous mealtimes fraught with tears and tantrums, but last [music] night Lavern made a vital discovery.

[00:01:55]On top of that, Nazia now knows that she needs to be much calmer at mealtime.

[00:02:06]Having come so far, Elizabeth and Lavern feel they're ready to head home tomorrow.

[00:02:12]23-year-old Sherry and 26-year-old Martin came into the house to control their wayward kids, 4-year-old Todd and 5-year-old Tamsin.

[00:02:21]Their constant fighting and refusal to go to sleep meant that they had to have locks on their bedroom doors and both Martin and Sherry admitted it was the kids that ruled the roost.

[00:02:32]With 10-month-old Jessica as well, they're finding it hard to cope and all too often let it get the better of them.

[00:02:38]GET OUT NOW. NOW! WITH no sign of affection between anyone in the family, yesterday Elizabeth and Lavern introduced a hugging game.

[00:02:47]It improved relations so much that they feel Sherry and Martin can also leave the house tomorrow.

[00:02:54]21-year-old Emma came into [music] the house with her 3-year-old son Kai, whose violent behavior towards his 1-year-old Cleo meant that they couldn't be left on their [music] own together.

[00:03:05]But single mom Emma has been taking her instinct to protect Cleo a bit too far.

[00:03:09]What I want is to allow [music] Cleo to get down on the floor because then we can start to get a balance between Cleo and Kai. As soon as she realized what she was doing wrong, Emma immediately started playing with Kai more and even clingy Cleo is becoming more independent.

[00:03:32]It's 6:00 in the evening and Todd and his big sister Tamsin are being treated to a post-dinner piece of cake by mom Sherry.

[00:03:43]Onlooker Aneesa isn't getting a dinner for another half an hour.

[00:03:48]Aneesa, we don't need all the pillows.

[00:03:51]And Aneesa not cake after dinner. Yeah, she she she's she's going to have a dinner. Yeah, after her dinner.

[00:03:59]>> [crying] [screaming] >> mouth You would like a bit of the mouth.

[00:04:07]There we go, Tamsin.

[00:04:10]Todd, which bit would you like?

[00:04:14]the blue eye the blue eye >> [snorts] >> If you have your dinner, then you can have some cake. Do you want to choose which cake you want? Do you want to choose which bit of cake you want?

[00:04:23]Because we've got a nose left and we've got an eye left. We've got an eye and we've got an Oh, we've got a bit of a mouth and we've got a bit of a nose. So, which bit would you like?

[00:04:30]>> do you want? For me to put in the bowl.

[00:04:32]This one. You want a bit of that bit.

[00:04:33]Okay, I'll sort that out.

[00:04:35]Oh, that's a big piece.

[00:04:37]>> but you've got to eat all your dinner up. And we'll put that in the kitchen now and then when we have our dinner, then you can have it, yeah? Good girl.

[00:04:43]Good girl. Come on. No, no, we've got to put it in the kitchen to have it after dinner. Aneesa, I'll put it in the kitchen for you.

[00:04:54]And then we're going to have our dinner and then you can have it.

[00:04:59]>> [crying] [screaming] [crying] [crying] >> Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[00:05:16]Wait here, then.

[00:05:17]Wait here a second because you're doing really good eating.

[00:05:20]Just let your food go down.

[00:05:22]Wait till you're properly finished eating.

[00:05:25]ANEESA, ANEESA, >> [crying] >> YOU STOPPED BITING ME.

[00:05:36]>> [crying] [screaming] >> GET UP. GET UP. GET UP.

[00:05:41]GET UP. GO TO YOUR NAUGHTY CORNER. GO TO YOUR >> [screaming] >> YOU'VE GOT TO GO IN THERE BECAUSE YOU'RE HITTING MOMMY. STAND IN THERE.

[00:05:49]>> [laughter and crying] [crying] >> AFTER 3 DAYS IN THE HOUSE, ANEESA IS GETTING HER first stint in the timeout pen.

[00:06:00]>> [crying] >> You want to get out of there? You want to get OUT OF THERE?

[00:06:03]ANEESA, DO YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THERE?

[00:06:04]Unpracticed at it, Nazia hasn't quite mastered the art of ignoring it.

[00:06:10]Do you know why you have put you in here?

[00:06:12]Do you know why?

[00:06:16]No, not because you're asking for cake, darling, because I said we're going to have cake later after dinner and you started hitting mommy.

[00:06:24]Say you're sorry now.

[00:06:26]Say I'm sorry, mommy. Go on. Say I'm sorry, mommy.

[00:06:31]>> [crying] >> All right. We're going to have a big big hug now.

[00:06:33]Big hug.

[00:06:36]Well done.

[00:06:39]>> [crying] >> That's the first time you've had to have a timeout.

[00:06:45]It looks like Aneesa's naughtiness is catching when a seemingly calm Kai decides to play up.

[00:06:52]No, we don't Cleo, >> [crying] >> we don't have puddings after dinnertime.

[00:06:56]I thought we only have puddings after lunch.

[00:06:59]>> [crying] >> Come here.

[00:07:14]Time out.

[00:07:17]Time out.

[00:07:19]And you're going in timeout because you just pushed your sister.

[00:07:28]I can still play now. There you go.

[00:07:32]Right.

[00:07:33]THAT IS IT.

[00:07:35]>> [laughter] [screaming] >> GO IN THERE. YOU'VE GOT TO GO OUT.

[00:07:47]AS EMMA PERFORMS one of her grade A timeouts, she loses points for forgetting Elizabeth's golden rule of not giving Cleo too much attention.

[00:07:55]Well, you were put in there. All right, timeout's finished now, but you were put in there because you pushed your sister.

[00:07:59]Now, what do you say to her? All right, you do not leave her alone.

[00:08:07]And Kai gets a disappointing for a repeat offense.

[00:08:18]But you got some more. Yeah, but I'm also losing my trousers at the same time.

[00:08:22]Over the last half an hour, Elizabeth has been keeping a close eye on both Kai and Emma's behavior and isn't happy with either of them, so decides to intervene.

[00:08:36]All right, now you leave your sister.

[00:08:40]She doesn't want to be shut in.

[00:08:42]>> [crying] >> Hello. How are you doing? Fine.

[00:08:47]I noticed we had a bit We've had a bit of a shoving, haven't we? We've had a bit of Yeah, Kai getting cross.

[00:08:53]Kai, come here. Can you go and speak to Elizabeth?

[00:08:56]Good boy. Tell me what's been happening with you and Cleo.

[00:09:01]Okay, Kai, stop. Stop.

[00:09:03]I want you to tell me what happened with Cleo.

[00:09:08]She shut my gate. She shut your gate?

[00:09:11]And what did you do?

[00:09:14]Did you push Cleo?

[00:09:17]Yeah?

[00:09:18]And what does mommy do when you push Cleo?

[00:09:20]I put me in timeout.

[00:09:22]She puts you in timeout. That's right.

[00:09:25]If you push Cleo, you get timeout. Yes.

[00:09:29]Yeah.

[00:09:30]I'm very pleased to hear that he's he's understood the link between him pushing Cleo and getting timeout.

[00:09:35]What I saw that was very difficult was when when he had pushed Cleo and he'd got his timeout, you you were still giving huge amounts of attention to Cleo and I can understand why, but that was so hard because it's actually antagonizing him further.

[00:09:51]So, should I not do that? I thought that was good because he'd hurt Cleo, so he was being punished.

[00:09:57]>> Yes. So, I was kind of Yes.

[00:09:59]>> making her feel better cuz she'd been hurt, and I kind of thought maybe that was a good thing. But, because the relationship between these two is still very difficult. So, maybe that's not a good thing. It really provokes Kai when Cleo gets a lot of attention. I want you to be constantly aware of what am I doing to Cleo and what effect is that having on Kai? Because what it what is what is so clear when when I'm watching you from from the outside is as you give attention in to Cleo, I watch Kai's behavior rack it up. Yeah. I think it's so important he gets time with you and Cleo.

[00:10:35]And I have that all the time. Yes, you're going to have a bath in your own tonight.

[00:10:40]Kai, look at me.

[00:10:42]If you do good waiting when Cleo has a bath, you can have a big bath. Can I?

[00:10:48]Big bath.

[00:10:50]20 minutes later, Nazir is preparing dinner while Anisa and Gulnaz are starting story time.

[00:10:56]And fresh from his big bath, Kai wants to join in.

[00:11:02]>> [crying] [crying] >> Our dinner's ready now. [screaming] >> [crying] [crying] [screaming] >> You're being very good, aren't you sat there?

[00:11:40]I've got to tell your mommy that.

[00:11:47]I want to join the sofa.

[00:11:51]I'm going to join the sofa. That's it.

[00:11:53]Look at this.

[00:11:55]I'm going to join the sofa.

[00:11:57]No.

[00:11:58]Someone.

[00:11:59]This one. No.

[00:12:03]>> [snorts] >> No.

[00:12:06]Look at this one.

[00:12:14]Look at that one.

[00:12:17]Dad.

[00:12:18]What is this one? And what is this one? Same thing.

[00:12:26]It's ready. The end. Story time's over and another mealtime with problem eater Anisa is about to start.

[00:12:34]Look at your dinner. Have your dinner.

[00:12:37]Brilliant.

[00:12:37]>> [crying] >> Earlier today, there was a huge breakthrough when she ate her lunch off a plate that had some curry on the edge, something she's never done in her life.

[00:12:45]Good. Good.

[00:12:47]>> [screaming] [cheering] >> Wow. tonight they've tried the same trick. Can they pull it off a second time?

[00:12:55]Good girl. She just had it. Put it in her mouth. I said, yeah.

[00:12:58]What was it?

[00:13:00]That is fantastic. Well done.

[00:13:02]The end is lick it.

[00:13:05]Lick it off. I need to Is the end lick it? I'm not saying get to touch it. Mommy, you lick it off.

[00:13:10]Shall I lick it off?

[00:13:12]Shall I clean it? Do you want to lick it? Just lick it for me and give it back to her.

[00:13:18]No, it's nice. She thinks it's dirty.

[00:13:22]But, I suppose in in her mind it's dirty, yeah. She don't like it. That's how it goes.

[00:13:28]Really delicious dinner.

[00:13:31]She loves the cheese, yeah.

[00:13:33]See how calm this is.

[00:13:36]I mean, I know you came here saying to me, "I want to be able to I want my daughter to eat because I want to eat as a family." But, actually if I didn't know what was on your plate, I'd think this was a lovely family meal.

[00:13:50]And what a really good place to start.

[00:13:52]And Anisa has got jacket potato, beans, cheese, and a little bit of chicken curry, which is out of the way.

[00:13:59]It's not touching her food, and that's exactly how I want each mealtime to be.

[00:14:04]For her just have a little bit of your food with no pressure or expectation.

[00:14:10]Okay, so you don't want that. You finish your own food.

[00:14:14]Okay, she's saying I'm not eating that.

[00:14:15]Brilliant. I'm just checking. She is just checking. But, actually it's lovely that she's checking with you. And the minute she works out that she's not under pressure and you're not going to force her, suddenly she's freed up to do it when she's ready.

[00:14:30]So, that is really really fantastic. So, when she's finished, lots and lots of praise, lots of really clear praise.

[00:14:38]Give her a sticker [clears throat] and let her go.

[00:14:43]Well done. Very good.

[00:14:45]Me? Yeah.

[00:14:47]Then look at your dinner.

[00:14:50]Then you finish this one. Yeah.

[00:14:53]Goodness she's finished. She's finished.

[00:14:57]How big a deal was it that Anisa had that little bit of curry on her plate where normally she'd be screaming and tantruming? Well, on one level not a big deal and another level a huge deal because this is a child who at the sight of curry would cry. I mean, cry and push her plate away.

[00:15:14]Yeah.

[00:15:14]And we've got her to a point where she could have a small bit of curry on her plate and actually happily eat her dinner with that there and not be in an anxious state. But, what was crucial was that her parents, I mean, they had been well versed and prepared and coached to really play down their responses. So, it was really twofold because without them, Anisa still I think would have been pushing that plate away. But, mom's anxiety level has just come down. So, it feels like baby steps, but it's it's a big leap, isn't it? It is getting the treatment on the right track because actually what mom had been doing in the past wasn't working. So, this is now we are now on the right track and actually the train has started. The journey has begun. So, although it is small in the beginning, this family are now going in the right direction. It's 6:30 and on their last night in the house, Martin is looking after baby Jessica while Sherry is starting her final bedtime attempt with Todd and Tamsin.

[00:16:08]>> [snorts] >> Mommy's doing bedtime tonight, okay?

[00:16:10]I'm doing bedtime. Yep. Is that okay?

[00:16:15]Why not? I want Daddy to do it. Why do you want Daddy to do it?

[00:16:19]Cuz that's the best way to do it.

[00:16:22]Well, Daddy's not always there, is he?

[00:16:24]So, Mommy better do it.

[00:16:27]Last night, Martin managed to get the troublesome tearaways off to sleep in 27 minutes, the most successful attempt since arriving 6 days ago.

[00:16:35]But, not everyone was happy with his success.

[00:16:39]Cleo, I did exactly the same as what I was supposedly did exactly the same as Anisa last night. You didn't go to sleep.

[00:16:46]24 hours later, Sherry is still bitter and is absolutely determined to beat his record time. Head back. But, Elizabeth watches her get off to a bad start.

[00:16:56]Don't get away from me. Oh, shut up.

[00:17:00]Oh, I do.

[00:17:01]Well, finish your hair done and you're dressed, you can get away. Put your head down. You can get away from me. It's my pleasure. [laughter] Shut up. I'm not doing anything.

[00:17:11]Blake.

[00:17:13]I'm going to shave all your hair off when I get home.

[00:17:15]I am. I ain't brushing anymore. I'm fed up with it.

[00:17:17]You wind and you wait, baby whining.

[00:17:20]Stop calling me a baby. Well, you act like it, you get called it. Stop calling me a baby.

[00:17:26]Not a great start then. If she wants to win this bedtime war, she needs to recruit at least one little soldier. So, she starts by putting Elizabeth's advice of praise, praise, praise into practice.

[00:17:38]I love you so so much.

[00:17:42]And are you going to make me a promise?

[00:17:44]What are you going to promise to me?

[00:17:46]You're going to go straight to bed like a super duper girl, aren't you?

[00:17:50]That is great.

[00:17:54]I'll be back to see you in a moment, okay? Okay.

[00:17:57]I want to see a doctor down there.

[00:18:02]It's ready. I'll be in with you in a minute. I'm just going to sort Tamsin out. I want to see a doctor down there.

[00:18:06]Please don't No, could you stay in your room for me? I don't mind if you're out of bed, but stay in your room.

[00:18:11]Shut your door for me and I'll be in in a minute.

[00:18:13]Thank you very much.

[00:18:17]Jump into bed for me.

[00:18:19]Thank you so much. Remember how you behaved today last night? That was super duper.

[00:18:24]And you can do it again tonight, can't you? Well done. I shall be in and check on you in a minute. I'm just going to sort Todd out, okay?

[00:18:30]I'm not here.

[00:18:33]I'm not kissing.

[00:18:38]Head but head but head but head.

[00:18:44]Martin's 27-minute mark passed Sherry long ago and she's starting to crumble.

[00:18:50]I've been looking for me.

[00:18:55]Oh.

[00:19:07]Seeing her struggle, Elizabeth decides to give Sherry some moral support.

[00:19:13]Oh, dear.

[00:19:14]Okay, come out, Sherry. Come out, please.

[00:19:17]Get into bed.

[00:19:19]Sure. You're all right.

[00:19:21]All right. All right. Just give yourself a minute to calm down.

[00:19:24]Get in bed.

[00:19:25]Sherry, give yourself a minute to calm down, please.

[00:19:30]Right.

[00:19:31]How you doing?

[00:19:38]With a few soothing words, Elizabeth quickly calms Tamsin into a sleepy state.

[00:19:44]I just yawned. You did just yawn and that means you're probably tired.

[00:19:49]Right. I'll be back in a minute, Tamsin.

[00:19:50]Well done.

[00:19:52]Keen to have the same results from Todd, Elizabeth gets Sherry to try a double whammy of the rapid return technique and praising good behavior.

[00:20:01]So, keep returning him, Sherry. Just keep returning him and stuff. Gently, please.

[00:20:07]Good.

[00:20:09]Can you have two ticks off?

[00:20:13]Tick.

[00:20:14]That's what I am doing. Thank you for staying lying down.

[00:20:22]His energy levels are dropping.

[00:20:25]But, Todd is so active. He's such an active child. That it takes such a lot for him to go to being up here. Down there. To switching off. Sleeping now.

[00:20:39]>> [laughter] >> If only you could do that.

[00:20:47]>> [snorts] >> It's been an hour and a half of torment for Sherry, but she's used her new tactics well, and Todd and Tamzin are asleep by 8:00.

[00:21:06]Oh my goodness. Well done.

[00:21:12]Yeah, laugh. Downstairs, Sherry is still churned up over her defeat, and kindred spirit Emma tries to make her feel better.

[00:21:20]They play up more for their moms than they do their dads. Yeah. Well, I don't care. They're in bed now. And it's only what? Half past eight. Yeah, I wasn't checking on her. So, were you very happy that Isla they were in bed by 8:00? Yeah, I No, yeah. Knowing that you'd done it. Yeah, it's just annoying then knowing that he did it a lot quicker last night.

[00:21:38]But, it's not >> have to compete.

[00:21:39]>> No, it is because it's not a competition or whatever you want to call it.

[00:21:43]>> Competition? Yeah.

[00:21:45]Competition? It's just the fact that I know tomorrow then if he does it he'll get it done quicker again. It's going to take me a long while to actually get him down to being Like Good. Just going to bed like he does.

[00:21:56]>> because if we both stick to the same rules, they're both going to learn.

[00:21:59]>> The more you do it, the more they're going to learn, so the quicker it will be.

[00:22:02]>> Yeah. Do you think there's been an improvement so far? With the sleeping, yeah, but the sleeping wasn't the main reason I came in here.

[00:22:08]It was for Cleo. What you mean for Cleo?

[00:22:11]General behavior.

[00:22:12]>> hurting her. But, the thing is though, I think he's got into his head because we've had pets at home before. We've had goldfish and a bird.

[00:22:20]And he wasn't very nice to the goldfish and all of a sudden they went. He wasn't very nice to the bird, then all of a sudden it went. He's here to stay, boy.

[00:22:27]>> the fish, I said, "If you keep hurting them, they're going to go." And with the bird, I said, "If you keep hurting the bird, he's going." So, I don't know whether he thinks if he keeps hurting Cleo if she's going to go. Yeah.

[00:22:39]Yeah.

[00:22:40]Probably does.

[00:22:41]As Sherry and Emma are settling into their mothers' meeting, Nazia and Gulnar are invited to the quiet room to spend a bit of time alone.

[00:22:48]See you in a bit.

[00:22:51]5 years ago, they had an arranged marriage in Pakistan and have been building a solid relationship ever since.

[00:22:57]So now, with Anisa sound asleep, they're answering a set of questions from Elizabeth and Laverne that will help them reflect on the strength of their marriage.

[00:23:08]>> [snorts] >> That's a really long time ago. Yeah.

[00:23:54]But, you didn't know you were going to marry me then.

[00:23:57]Yeah, but you didn't know when I said it you took it seriously, did you?

[00:24:01]Did you know? Yeah. And you might have known before I knew because I was younger.

[00:24:06]I didn't know then.

[00:24:34]Yeah, he's brilliant. He's good looking.

[00:24:36]Yeah, I want to marry him. I didn't.

[00:24:38]It wasn't the looks.

[00:24:43]Look like beautiful. Yeah, that's cuz I am beautiful.

[00:24:49]>> [laughter] >> Back in the living room, Emma and Sherry are still setting the world to rights, and they've moved on to life before kids.

[00:24:57]That's what I drunk on my wedding night, Bacardi and Coke.

[00:25:00]Don't know how I drunk however many I did. I was drunk loads and loads and loads.

[00:25:05]Then I was paralyzed when I got like downstairs and dad had to carry me downstairs.

[00:25:09]Well, the reception was on top of a rugby club, and the only thing everyone said to me in the morning is do you remember Colin and carrying you downstairs? And I was like, "No."

[00:25:17]Did I?

[00:25:18]I'm probably quite bad. You weren't as bad as me. You don't know, do you?

[00:25:22]Yeah.

[00:25:23]But, then it it was Yeah, I was used to drinking then.

[00:25:26]I don't know. Yeah. Cuz I used to go clubbing when I was 13 and 14 and I did with my fake ID. Yeah. So, that's why when I had Kai it [snorts] didn't appeal to me no more because I'd been there and done that before I was old enough. See, I never get asked out with all my friends. I never bother asking me anymore cuz I just don't go cuz I'm never asked to.

[00:25:43]>> So, yeah.

[00:25:44]I found out who my true friends were when I fell pregnant with Kai. Yeah. Cuz I was only 17 and I was 18 when I had him.

[00:25:51]And my whole group of friends there's only like three of them that I still talk to talk to now. Because the rest just didn't bother because obviously I was pregnant and then I had Kai. Yeah.

[00:26:01]Cuz I had a baby, so to me they just didn't bother asking me. And then they just stopped speaking to me. Yeah.

[00:26:13]>> [laughter] >> Why were you ready then?

[00:26:18]That is the time that I said >> [laughter] >> you ask me. Don't touch me.

[00:26:24]>> I told you don't touch me.

[00:26:26]No, but how was the day?

[00:26:28]So >> Happy, excited?

[00:26:30]>> So happy. So excited.

[00:26:34]I felt um the closer we got to the wedding night, I was scared about what would happen.

[00:26:43]Um I didn't know you properly, so I didn't know what to expect. Um um I was scared. I was frightened. They don't do anything with her, do they?

[00:26:56]With Anisa. Mm. I'd say yeah. I think I think she's quite I don't want to sound horrible, but when she has a strop, I just stop it stop it stop it or they walk away. And not when she's stropping and she's scratching Yeah. Nazia and she's hitting her and kicking her.

[00:27:12]>> Well, we're going to blow out flowers all day. Yeah.

[00:27:15]And then like she's hitting her and kicking her and scratching her, and she doesn't put her in time out. No.

[00:27:19]She just just stop hitting me and then she walks away.

[00:27:22]And then dad just sits there.

[00:27:24]>> [laughter] >> I know. He's hilarious.

[00:27:28]Well, then you've got a I'm going to say he must be quite feel quite out of place here, I think, because Yeah. he doesn't really talk much English. Yeah. Cuz I know I would. And cuz we all do stuff.

[00:27:39]Yeah. Cuz there's no way I would let him sit down and do nothing all day.

[00:27:43]I know it sounds really horrible. Yeah.

[00:27:45]But, if he just sat on the sofa all day, then I'd go mad.

[00:27:48]But, you don't. He does do his fair share. Yeah. I think you should go and tell Elizabeth that.

[00:27:53]>> [laughter] >> I have said you do your fair share.

[00:27:57]Just not to camera.

[00:28:00]>> [laughter] >> Next year, did I snap you? Mm.

[00:28:04]It's not to go on me that I cry.

[00:28:06]Should I answer that first? My turn first. Want to have another baby.

[00:28:10]Want to get pregnant, have another baby.

[00:28:13]Also with Anisa, the improvements in her eating and her behavior.

[00:28:22]And by the Yeah, cuz Elizabeth Elizabeth said she's hoping in 4 weeks 3 4 weeks it should get better.

[00:28:33]No way that's a problem really. Yeah.

[00:28:36]If it doesn't work out if it doesn't improve, then her starting school in January will be a major problem.

[00:28:46]It's 20 past 11:00, and all the adults are going to bed en masse.

[00:28:50]All the kids have been fast asleep since 8:00, and after a hard night doing not a lot, Martin is particularly tired.

[00:28:59]If only his kids went to sleep that quick.

[00:29:02]It's a brand new day in the house of Tiny Tearaways.

[00:29:06]Yesterday morning, Todd, Tamzin, and Kai crept downstairs to steal sweets, but were caught red-handed and had all their sweet rewards taken away.

[00:29:17]It's now 5:00 to 6:00 in the morning, and while his partners in crime are still sleeping, Kai is the first one up and is alone with just the devil on his shoulder for company.

[00:29:32]But, it's not as much fun without his playmates.

[00:29:35]Time to wake up mom instead.

[00:29:40]Mommy, morning time.

[00:29:42]Can you come downstairs?

[00:29:44]I I Have you? No. I didn't go down there this time.

[00:29:52]Well, I hope not. I didn't.

[00:29:55]I didn't, dad.

[00:29:58]I think you have been, haven't you?

[00:30:00]I haven't. I think you have.

[00:30:03]There's nobody here.

[00:30:06]How would you know that?

[00:30:08]You've been down here. I didn't.

[00:30:10]Have you been down here?

[00:30:13]No, I didn't.

[00:30:15]No, I didn't.

[00:30:18]I didn't.

[00:30:19]No, I didn't.

[00:30:20]>> did you?

[00:30:21]No. If you come down here, you're not having nothing today.

[00:30:25]No sweets, no cakes. I told you about that yesterday, [crying] didn't I? Told you not to come down here on your own.

[00:30:32]I didn't come down here. You did. Well, you don't get nothing then, cuz I told you, haven't I?

[00:30:37]Thank you for telling Mommy.

[00:30:40]Thank you for telling Mommy the truth.

[00:30:42]But you don't get no sweets now.

[00:30:45]You were still in bed.

[00:30:49]So, Kai's guilty conscience got the better of him, but I don't think Todd and Tamsin are feeling so virtuous.

[00:30:55]Thinking they're the only ones awake and driven by the allure of the sweet bowl, stealth-like they make their approach to the kitchen door.

[00:31:04]It's just one small step for Todd, one giant leap for children everywhere.

[00:31:09]In he goes, and busted.

[00:31:14]Todd.

[00:31:16]Go upstairs and wake your mum and dad up. Go on, cuz I caught you out, didn't I?

[00:31:22]Go and wake your mum up or your dad.

[00:31:29]So far, we've seen Sherry have a difficult last night [music] with Todd and Tamsin, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

[00:31:35]But Martin's feeling positive about going home today. Because if we both stick to the same rules, they're both going to learn. Also leaving today are Gulnar, Nazia, and Anisa. In 3 days, they've managed [music] to make sure their meal times are no longer the heart-stopping nightmare they once were.

[00:31:52]But Emma's got a way to go with her little terror, Kai, who is still pushing baby sister, Cleo, at every opportunity.

[00:31:59]And there's more fun and games to come before the big exit.

[00:32:02]Slow down, please.

[00:32:04]I'm not playing now.

[00:32:08]Who knows?

[00:32:11]Everyone in the house is now up, and the two couples are building up to home time. But Emma's still hard at work trying to give both Kai and Cleo her undivided attention.

[00:32:22]Scared that Kai will hurt Cleo, Emma always keeps the two as far apart as possible. So today, Elizabeth wants to see how Kai and Cleo get on when they play together alongside Mum.

[00:32:33]Sometimes the only amount of time they have together is is the sort of negative and the fighting.

[00:32:38]>> Yeah. And what I want is to be able to show you how to do a task that has them doing more positive stuff between them.

[00:32:44]>> Yeah. Right, can you get the high chair so we can put them face to face? And I'll stay here with Kai. See, now you've got to show Cleo what you've made. Let Let him run off if he wants to. Just run off and then we'll call him back in a second. Anisa, no touch.

[00:32:55]>> What is it? What? Does Cleo have a high chair at home? Yeah. Will she sit in that? Yeah.

[00:33:02]Right.

[00:33:05]Can you show Cleo what you've made? Good boy. You going to come and show Cleo?

[00:33:10]And I think she'd Lift them up and show her. Put them on her tray. And you can tell her what they do. Where did the fish live?

[00:33:18]And they swim, they do. And do they make noises?

[00:33:24]You're going to show her how they swim.

[00:33:27]And do they make a noise?

[00:33:29]No? What about What are these? Show her them. Cuz you've got a teddy one like this, and she likes it, doesn't she?

[00:33:36]>> Talk to Cleo. Put them on her tray. Talk to Cleo and tell her what it is. I say They don't, do they?

[00:33:46]Can you do one more for me? Can you do one more?

[00:33:49]I'd love you to show her dolphin.

[00:33:53]Yeah, cuz she's going to eat you. And she's salty.

[00:33:56]Oh, hey.

[00:33:58]Hey. Kai, can you show Cuz Cleo doesn't She Cleo thinks this is food. Can you tell her it's for playing?

[00:34:06]Kai, can you look at Cleo and tell her it's [crying] not food?

[00:34:09]You're going to tell her that it's not food. Tell her what it is.

[00:34:14]>> [crying] >> Show her your two dolphins.

[00:34:21]>> [crying] >> You're going to show Cleo?

[00:34:23]Show her what they do.

[00:34:27]>> [crying] >> So, Kai, I want you to tell Cleo now that it's all finished, and that you're going to get down. Can you tell Cleo that, please?

[00:34:35]Cleo, it's Look at her.

[00:34:37]>> [laughter] >> Look at her.

[00:34:38]Tell her you're going to get down.

[00:34:41]Good boy. Good boy.

[00:34:44]That was great talking.

[00:34:47]I mean, that was really interesting to watch, because what I saw was that Kai could Yeah. communicate with Cleo, but what he really struggles with is [crying] making eye contact with her.

[00:34:58]>> Yeah. And what this tells me is that these are two children who have not been learning to play together.

[00:35:04]>> Yeah.

[00:35:04]Because I've never put them together because of what happens. I've You've probably avoided the situation.

[00:35:09]>> Yeah. But what happens, Emma, is they're not learning to play together.

[00:35:12]>> really, because I've never sat them down. Well, I have tried.

[00:35:16]I have tried, but seeing how Kai is, I've just I've only done it sort of three or four times.

[00:35:22]Yeah.

[00:35:23]>> But I think if you want to solve the problem, the problem isn't It's a bit illogical. You think keeping them apart is helping, but maybe keep doing it every day, and then if he's going to be nasty, then just take him away. Cuz that's normally what siblings do. Yeah.

[00:35:36]But you need to let them build up a bond together because at the moment, they don't have that link.

[00:35:42]Kai's playtime with Cleo must have opened up his softer side, because he's all heart when he spots a poorly dragonfly.

[00:35:50]Someone say to a doctor.

[00:35:53]I need you to take him to a doctor.

[00:35:57]Okay, I'll take him to the doctors. Oh.

[00:36:00]Doctors is down this way.

[00:36:03]Oh, thanks.

[00:36:05]Okay.

[00:36:08]I'll be there soon, dragonfly.

[00:36:11]I'll be there soon.

[00:36:16]>> [crying] >> I'll be there soon, dragonfly.

[00:36:21]>> [crying] >> Here we are, the doctors.

[00:36:30]After a long and difficult week, it looks like the idea of home time is having a good effect on Martin. Look at the size of that tower, Kai, that Martin's built.

[00:36:39]Look at the tower.

[00:36:41]That is a really good swing looks tower.

[00:36:46]I don't want to knock it down. Who knows?

[00:36:49]>> [laughter] >> Yes, it did.

[00:36:57]>> [laughter] >> Clumsy Martin is clearly enjoying his new more playful role. So, you're pushing us really hard.

[00:37:07]Maybe even a bit too much.

[00:37:09]Really hard, please.

[00:37:12]But this much more gentle Martin is obviously a massive hit with the kids and his wife.

[00:37:20]Go give Daddy a hug. Are you going to give us a hug? Don't jump, he's got coffee.

[00:37:23]Coffee.

[00:37:26]Ah, lovely. Kissy.

[00:37:29]So, the Baileys came with two proper tearaways, Tamsin and Todd. I mean, the kind of punching and kicking that we haven't seen for a while, big swearing.

[00:37:36]These are children who are locked in their bedrooms. How are they going back now as a family? I think they feel different, because I think they'll actually go home and have a conversation about what happens now. I think the communication had really broken down between this couple. And it's a funny sort of communication they do anyway, because it's very laughy and jokey, and you know, but that actually underpins some quite serious comments that are passing between them. But I think they're in a different state now. I think they could go home, think individually and together about their children.

[00:38:05]Back in the living room, there's a last day of term feeling as all the rules go out of the window.

[00:38:15]>> [laughter] >> What did Mommy say? Don't say actually You have to think Mommy You think your Mommy should do a time out, Todd, cuz she swore. Saying language like that.

[00:38:25]You think you should make Mommy stand in there for a minute?

[00:38:28]Yeah, you would, wouldn't you? I totally agree. Oh, uh-oh, I'm going.

[00:38:33]I think it's fair, though.

[00:38:36]Cuz if your kid were to swear, you'd probably put them in time out.

[00:38:40]Martin, give Mommy eye contact. Don't look at her. That's it.

[00:38:44]Just have to ignore Mommy. Don't look at her.

[00:38:46]Don't look at her.

[00:38:49]I know you're only doing that. Don't try and jump out of your seat, Mommy.

[00:38:52]>> it?

[00:38:55]I don't like that, please.

[00:38:57]Put it on the ground.

[00:39:01]Seriously, I will Now, you're standing for a longer now.

[00:39:05]>> [laughter] >> Did I say you could swear again? Nearly.

[00:39:09]And it looks like all the children are taking over on the last day as Anisa gets a breakfast of her choice for the final meal in the house.

[00:39:16]Custard creams.

[00:39:23]Custards.

[00:39:30]With just a few hours left in the house, Nazia and Gulnar go into their final consultation to talk through the unexpected twist in their therapy.

[00:39:39]So, you know, I came in for this story thinking with you as well that actually it was about Anisa's behavior, that actually she was just rejecting something that was very important to you.

[00:39:52]And I know that you know, it was seen as her just being very very defiant.

[00:39:57]But also what we know is that there were times when things broke down and you were forcing her to to eat because you were just so anxious about it and just you know, just put it in.

[00:40:28]All right, so there was something about a bit of forcing that perhaps was the trigger. And actually that it may have started with something being put into her mouth that was too hot.

[00:40:40]The next day, again, something too hot until she absolutely decides, "No, not trusting you anymore.

[00:40:51]You've done something to me that makes me feel uncomfortable, so that's it."

[00:41:14]She really is her own person.

[00:41:16]And what is fabulous about what's [snorts] happened, well for me and I hope you feel the same, is that having made this discovery, what we've been able to do is say, "Actually, let's just put a little bit of curry on her plate with what we we know she likes and take the pressure off.

[00:41:36]So to have her sitting there with it on the plate, it seems amazing to me.

[00:41:43]We couldn't do that a few days ago. We couldn't do that before we came here. So it [snorts] is a quite a big step, a big improvement. And to put bonus point onto it, the lunchtime.

[00:41:57]Um as soon as she saw the curry on the plate, there was a bit of a bit but then in the evening meal, cuz she'd had it on the plate and she didn't even She just said, "I'm not having it but it can stay there." So she didn't even kick up a fuss. I mean, we've really got to celebrate what a big step that is because before, 2 days ago, curry anywhere near her was like that.

[00:42:19]And I think what we've got to remember is that this is a process of desensitizing her.

[00:42:26]So taking her through very slowly to understand that there is no pressure but it does need to be on the same plate.

[00:42:36]So the Husseins, are they ready to I think they're definitely ready to leave. They're ready to leave here and try what we've started at home. Mom has been able to say, "I can put myself into her shoes. I can actually imagine what's going on for her." Hey, if they've gone away with that in their minds, then I think, you know, that's great.

[00:42:53]To show how far they've come, Nazia and Gulnar let Anisa talk through the changes.

[00:43:00]You're happy. Yeah, happy. You want to go home. Yeah. You've enjoyed it here.

[00:43:04]Yeah. You've had a good day home. Yeah.

[00:43:07]You've made lots of new friends.

[00:43:09]Friends. And you're okay with the Andy being on your plate?

[00:43:13]No. No, you're okay with it being on your plate. You don't have to eat it.

[00:43:17]It's on your plate.

[00:43:18]Yeah, good girl.

[00:43:21]Before they arrived, Anisa wouldn't touch her parents' traditional Asian food.

[00:43:26]>> [screaming] >> And it was driving them to despair.

[00:43:28][crying] Don't put your hands over your mouth.

[00:43:30]>> [laughter] >> Spending hours over each meal, Nazia was taking it as a personal rejection.

[00:43:36]It's the only thing to make me look forward to the future with her eating cuz if I don't have that hope, then I've got nothing. With mom doing everything, Gulnar was left on the sidelines. Have I got the right sense that actually he would step up to the table a bit more? I think he'll have to try it anyway. As he took more control, Nazia was forced to relax but it still didn't affect Anisa.

[00:43:58]The turning point came when Laverne realized that Anisa wasn't just being stubborn.

[00:44:03]This is quite hot for me. Is it?

[00:44:06]I think Anisa is scared of curry.

[00:44:09]After a week, a new approach had immediate results.

[00:44:15]Can you?

[00:44:18]>> [cheering] >> As the Husseins leave their stamp on the house, it's time for them to head home.

[00:44:24]She wants to do blue now, so I think that's what you're going to be doing this this evening, [laughter] and painting.

[00:44:30]Very good.

[00:44:32]Well done.

[00:44:34]What I've learned about myself is um to try and control my anger, my frustration.

[00:44:40]Um not get agitated really quickly. Try to keep it calm at lunchtime.

[00:45:07]I am feeling very positive about Anisa's future. It's given like a light at the end of the tunnel, if you want to call it. So it's looking like a very long tunnel but there is light at the end.

[00:45:21]Let's hope they're on their way to a home [music] life free from mealtime tantrums and raised voices.

[00:45:27]My legs cuz I'm going to stab it with my foot.

[00:45:29]>> Todd and Tamsin are having a last play on the swing before they go.

[00:45:33]Todd, you're cutting the grass with your feet.

[00:45:38]You're cutting the grass.

[00:45:41]Todd, you're really cutting the grass.

[00:45:43]Look how short it is.

[00:45:46]No.

[00:45:47]Todd, get off me, stupid idiot. Todd and Tamsin might still need to work on their mutual respect but at least Sherry and Martin are on a more even keel.

[00:45:57]Elizabeth has just called them in for their final consultation and is showing them just how different things were at the start of the week.

[00:46:04]I'm the baby one who run off and you were the angry dad.

[00:46:10]Why are you so angry? Cuz you run off. I didn't run off. I fell off my bike and went straight into a hole.

[00:46:20]Why are you so angry? Because you run off.

[00:46:23]>> [laughter] >> What do you make of that? It's true.

[00:46:28]They're just copying what they say.

[00:46:31]Well, they're playing out what their lives are like. [snorts] And the two parts of that were angry dad and naughty child who runs off.

[00:46:41]And what I also saw was actually that you felt to me like quite a divided family at times.

[00:46:46]That there was huge gaps between in fact every member of the family.

[00:46:54]You know, how do you feel about what I've just said there? There ain't anymore.

[00:46:58]No, she's definitely spot on really.

[00:47:01]There were big gaps in us all.

[00:47:04]Yeah. Yeah. The kids were a lot calmer.

[00:47:06]I think we feel feel more of a family now though. How do you feel about that?

[00:47:10]I only feel love with me at bedtime.

[00:47:12]Okay. Everything else has fallen into place so never mind. Yeah. And I think the thing that bedtime needs is more time. Yeah.

[00:47:19]Yeah. It's about more practice and I think that Sherry, you It's about more practice and I think that Sherry, you have really learned the skills.

[00:47:27]So you know, what are your key points for tonight? I want to hear you tell me.

[00:47:31]Calm. Calm, positive.

[00:47:34]Yeah, positive. Yeah, positive. And not shouting but talking in that way that they know. Authoritative.

[00:47:42]Authoritative, yes. Authoritative. It's a very good word. That is a very good word and it was fantastic to hear you then talk through that problem because Martin shared what he knew about authority and about voice and that is exactly how communication and compromise worked.

[00:47:59]And there was one other big topic that we talked about that required some compromise which was tough.

[00:48:05]Go on, Sherry, what is it?

[00:48:07]It's going to be work.

[00:48:09]And when I spoke about it a bit more, what I heard was that Martin, you really miss Sherry when she's not there.

[00:48:16]Yeah.

[00:48:18]And Sherry, I've heard that you're not very good at saying, "Sometimes I need a bit of help." Yeah.

[00:48:24]I need lots of help. You can do anything you want from me now.

[00:48:28]It's been nice having 24/7 together.

[00:48:31]It's not been a nightmare. Well, it has the bits of it but not Not between us. It's more doing stuff with the kids which is unusual. Whereas I'd much rather spend 24/7 with the kids than with him before. Wow.

[00:48:41]And I don't mind either from now.

[00:48:43]Before we finish, I want to do one last thing that will be [clears throat] familiar to both of you.

[00:48:47]Bear with me. I'm going to introduce you to something you already know. Hello.

[00:48:51]I'm waiting for these. I saw them sitting under the table.

[00:48:53]And I'm thinking, how are you going to put them? Okay.

[00:48:57]Now, I can remember very clearly when I did the tower of power with both of you that you know, we were talking about putting in order who was the most powerful at the top and the least powerful at the bottom.

[00:49:11]Okay?

[00:49:12]And I really want to think with you now about you know, where this should be, where you would like to see your family in terms of power and hierarchy and structure. Well, how it is now or how we want it? Well, is it how you want it? Pretty much, yeah. I think we get Yeah, we're getting there. Okay, we're ready. Yeah.

[00:49:32]So who goes on the bottom? I will help you. Jessica. Yeah.

[00:49:36]Just because you're the littlest Jessica. Poor little Jess.

[00:49:40]Next, please. I would say time's in because Todd still controls time's in.

[00:49:47]Can you? We've got one of them.

[00:49:49]Todd.

[00:49:50]Huh?

[00:49:52]Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[00:49:53]>> Yeah, we don't control You don't control us anymore. No, not really. Talk to me about those time outs, Martin. I mean, you know, I have very clearly see in strong parents in time out, [snorts] fantastic.

[00:50:04]We left Sherry next.

[00:50:06]Sherry next?

[00:50:07]>> [laughter] >> No, no, we're going to have them.

[00:50:10]Well, I I you know, this is a tough call, isn't it? We could do half and half.

[00:50:17]I love that.

[00:50:20]Hang on.

[00:50:24]That is It's different. such a radical change from when I saw you.

[00:50:29]So, after such an eventful week, there's now nothing left to say but their goodbyes.

[00:50:35]The Baileys arrived with no idea what to do about their disobedient duo.

[00:50:40]Night times are the worst and at home they were locked in their rooms.

[00:50:44]In our lock-free house, they've suffered night after night of dramas and disorder.

[00:50:49]Leave the light off. No. Particularly Sherry.

[00:50:53]But it was Martin that struggled to control his anger.

[00:50:56]Get out now. I'M COMING. NOW.

[00:51:00]WHAT I THEN saw was you get quite physical.

[00:51:01]>> Yeah. And actually, we can't have that.

[00:51:03]No. Neither of them could agree on a level of discipline. You're you're too soft and you you give in to them too easy. Yeah.

[00:51:10]But there was one thing they could both do that actually produced results.

[00:51:14]>> What I got a sense of yesterday was two children who respond incredibly well to positive attention. You're doing really well. After a day full of cuddles and some united parenting, the Baileys have become the close-knit family they always wanted to be.

[00:51:33]As the family leave their mark on the house, it looks like the house has left a lasting impression on Martin and Sherry.

[00:51:41]It's been good.

[00:51:42]Tend to not stress at the kids a lot more now.

[00:51:45]A lot more calmer. I think I've certainly learned to control my temper.

[00:51:51]Get rid Get rid of the anger.

[00:51:53]Our time in the house has been really enjoyable and it's been great fun, even though it's been hard work. And I think the kids have really enjoyed it as well.

[00:52:02]I think good moments have been bedtimes.

[00:52:05]Um improvements on bedtimes. That's That's That's been really good.

[00:52:08]And I think bonding as a family.

[00:52:11]Yeah, definitely more family connection.

[00:52:13]Totally bonded. Yeah. A lot better.

[00:52:15]It's been a real eye-opener. It's been really good.

[00:52:23]It's time to head home and they're taking [music] with them that new calm and positive approach to their tearaways and those bedroom locks will be coming off.

[00:52:34]Emma is now the last adult in the house and after being told [clears throat] by Elizabeth that her children haven't bonded, she's determined to get them playing together. But of course, with Kai, it's never that simple.

[00:52:50]Do you think he'll like my bike?

[00:52:51]>> He does. Does he like my bike?

[00:52:55]Wait, go slow, Kai, cuz I can't keep up.

[00:52:58]Go slow.

[00:53:01]Go slow.

[00:53:05]Go slow, babe.

[00:53:07]Kai, slow down, please. I'm not. Kai.

[00:53:11]Slow down, please. I'm not playing now.

[00:53:15]Taking Cleo in because you're doing IT TOO FAST.

[00:53:18]NO, are you going to slow down then?

[00:53:20]Let's try.

[00:53:23]You going to slow down then for Mommy?

[00:53:26]Because it's nice when you two play together.

[00:53:30]Wait, slow down. Let Mommy get her on.

[00:53:32]Let's see.

[00:53:33]Wee, this is fun. Wee.

[00:53:38]Don't go too far.

[00:53:40]Look at Mommy.

[00:53:41]Happy face.

[00:53:43]You got happy face, too.