"Am I in the Wrong?"

[00:00:00]Am I wrong for telling someone midstory that I was the person they were talking about?

[00:00:06]That's rough, buddy. Uh, add that to the list of social situations I hope I never have to navigate. Hi again, guys. And today we're going to be looking at r/ami wrong. It's like almost a more casual version of r/ami the a-hole. You can see like some really high stakes crazy stuff on r/ita. It could just like have a ton of nuance to the situation. It could be like hearing about the life circumstances of someone literally being put through like the 10th newly invented layer of hell. And usually the most viral posts are people like who are just unequivocally assholes in a way you didn't think was conceivable before reading it. Or it's like a guy who sounds like they might be the asshole, but through reading the story it turns out like, oh, I can see where they're coming from. R/Am I wrong is not always, but sometimes like situations that if you were in you might find a little annoying, but usually have like a pretty reasonable resolution. If you guys enjoy this video, this card at the end will take you to another one like it. And be sure to drop a like and subscribe with notifications on so you never miss an upload. All right. Person realizing they're the subject of a story they're getting told. This happened at a small get together at a mutual friend's place in late February, maybe 12 people. The kind of evening where conversations drift and overlap, arguably the most dangerous kind where there's like important context you are about to get and then conversation's over and suddenly you don't have a complete picture. I was standing at a group of four people I don't know especially well when a woman I'll call Petra started telling a story to the group. Oh no, there were bystanders to witness this.

[00:01:26]Depending on what the story getting told about you was, there's major risk to your PR hanging over your head right now. She framed it the way people do. I have this friend who and started describing people who had gone through a pretty specific professional situation last year. A public mistake at work that had an impact on their rep for a few months. The details were specific enough that by the third sentence I realized this was about me. I can just like imagine the saxophones in your head just getting louder and louder. Now, my question is if this person is like going to be really embarrassed that this story is getting told about them or if they're going to get like real defensive. This was not similar to me. It was me. The specific industry, timeline, and way it was resolved. A detail about how I handled it that I had shared with exactly one person who I now understood had passed it along to Petra. I wonder how judgmentally that story was told to Petra. Like, was the person you told this detail to talking shit about you when they shared it with another person, or did they like relay it neutally and Petra took it bad? I stood there a second deciding what to do. She was not being cruel. She was telling it almost as an inspirational story about resilience, but she had no idea I was standing in the group. Wait, like she wasn't even like really bad mouthing you, huh? I guess this really is lower stakes than I thought. I waited for a pause and said quietly, I was the person she was describing. The silence was immediate. could probably like cut it with a knife and it would scream really loud immediately breaking the silence.

[00:02:40]Petra went red and apologized profusely and the conversation collapsed. I I don't think I've heard a conversation described as collapsing very often.

[00:02:48]Maybe like ended awkwardly, but you're talking about it like it's a demolition job. Later that night, the mutual friend who had originally heard my story texted me to say I'd made things extremely awkward and Petra felt terrible and I could have just let it go since she hadn't been saying anything bad. To me, there's like a way this situation could have been turned into like a funny anecdote that you mentioned to Petra later if you end up hanging out more.

[00:03:10]But I I should finish this. I understood she wasn't being malicious, but I also don't think I should have to stand in a circle listening to my own private experience being used at someone else's anecdote without saying anything. I've been going back and forth on whether interrupting was the right call or whether I should have just excused myself and dealt with it later privately. I mean, without knowing the specifics of what the story was, I I can't make a proper judgment on that.

[00:03:31]But I do think that the situation you were in has excellent bit potential. And that was like your real blunder. You You should have been thinking of the big reveal you were going to make as a setup and then have like a fucking killer punch line right after. Honestly, I don't think like owning up that like, "Hey, that was me." I think there's like maybe a way to like pivot that into a longer discussion. I don't know, man.

[00:03:50]And it's in question if Petra should have been telling that story at all to like this group of people. Like sure, she wasn't like naming names or anything. Maybe she didn't even know any names attached to the story. But yeah, I'm underlining this type of conversation on my list of things I don't want to go through very very profusely. Okay, I like this one because he delivers it almost like a pseudo green text just minus the arrows. This motherfucker don't do paragraphs. They do single lines of text so that it takes way longer to scroll down the page to finish it. Am I wrong for telling a stranger on the plane to stop talking to me after he sat down next to me uninvited? Also, you can get 10% off Cheeky Soap at the first link in the description. This is what I use day in and day out to smell fresh. They have a subscription offer so you never have to worry about running out of soap and it helps out the channel when you do. Uh, back to the video. Oh man, I I definitely have moments like this where I'll maybe make like a little idle chatter when I'm like sitting on a plane waiting for it to take off. But I I am generally not trying to get into a protracted discussion once we are off the ground. All right, give me the setup, big dog. This happened on a flight last week. I was traveling alone.

[00:04:49]I had a window seat, which I chose because I wanted to sleep and not interact with anyone. I had headphones and the middle seat next to me was empty when we boarded. About 10 minutes before takeoff, a guy who had an aisle seat a few rows back decided to move and sat down right next to me. Oh, fuck me, dude. Yeah, dude. You don't owe this guy anything. Not his seat. Just physically inserted himself in there. It's a middle seat, so I'm not even entirely sure why you would want that one over whichever one you had previous, unless it was like a middle seat farther away from the bathroom. He's like walking up to you like you're an interactable NPC and he's trying to just run through the dialogue tree. He didn't ask if the seat was taken or if I mind it. Just sat down and immediately started talking. He asked where I was headed, how long a flight was, and what I was traveling for. I answered the first two questions because I was caught off guard. Then I sort of turned back toward the window and put my headphones back in. And this is like usually how it happens if you're just like doing real casual conversation with whoever your seatmate is on a flight. If you put your headphones in, most people understand. It's like, "Okay, this conversation's over. We're both going to be on this bitch for like a few more hours and we probably don't want to be caught in the vicious cycle of pretending to have more energy than we actually do after going through TSA. He tapped my arm. Oh no, fuck that. He's definitely trying to run the dialogue tree. He said he was trying to be friendly and long flights are more fun when you have someone to talk to. I might have gone for a hey, that's great, man. It's just not my speed. I told him I was hoping to sleep and wasn't really up for conversation and he laughed and said, "Come on, it's only 2 hours." NO, FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF, DUDE. THIS POOR REDDIT poster says it a second time. I'm not interested in chatting. Like even if like you prefer to talk to a guy on a plane, what kind of quality of conversation do you think you're going to have with a dude who is explicitly told you, "Listen, man. I don't want to talk." He got quiet and huffy and I heard him mutter something about people being antisocial. My friend I was meeting at the destination said I was rude and could have just talked to him for a bit. I mean, he did. He answered a few questions and then told him, "Hey, listen, man. I'm trying to catch some Z's." like that. The dude who's trying to start the conversation might not know your story. Like maybe you had to pull an allnighter to make this flight based on your work schedule. You don't know that. But I had my headphones in. He moved seats to sit next to me. He ignored the first single and then kept going after I was direct. I don't think I did anything wrong. But the huffy reaction made me second guess myself. Am I wrong? Nah, man. As soon as you told me that he was spawn camping the open seat that wasn't technically his, like, dude, you just got a fucking bad RNG roll. Like it's one thing if it's a dude like you're going to be forced to be stuck with for the entirety of the flight. Like he paid for that seat and it's like okay I knew that there was going to be a guy here BUT NO ONE WAS THERE. THIS DUDE just spawns it out of nowhere and he's like would you like to make idle chatter with me? No. No.

[00:07:20]You're not going to sleep. You're going to stay up and we're going to become very very good friends by the time this flight is over. Not in the wrong. You might feel like a dick telling him that you don't really want to chat but that's like well within your right in my opinion. Am I wrong for refusing to help my ex-boyfriend after he left me for someone more successful? I don't even know why he asked that of you. If those are the circumstances of the breakup, I don't even know why he would think to ask you. I, 25 female, dated my ex, who is 27 male, for almost 5 years. Damn, that was committed. That is a lot of time to have spent together, man. Uh, this might be a bit more brutal than I realize. During that time, I supported him through everything. When he was unemployed, I covered rent more times than I can count, paid for groceries, and even helped with some of his bills.

[00:08:00]I was always there when he needed me, emotionally, financially, or otherwise.

[00:08:04]And a year ago, he broke up with me.

[00:08:06]Okay. Okay. His reason was he felt we were growing in different directions. A few weeks later, I found out he had started dating a woman he worked with.

[00:08:13]It hurt, but I accepted it and moved on.

[00:08:15]Yeah. Apparently, the direction he was growing in was uh towards another woman.

[00:08:19]Fast forward to last week, out of nowhere, he contacted me saying he had lost his job and was struggling financially. He asked if I could lend him money because I was the only person who ever really cared about him. OP, the pity pole. Listen, man. That might be true, but you're the one who decided to break that relationship off. It didn't work out with the sugar mama you were hoping to go with, but them's the apples. I told him no. I I don't know what type of cash he was asking to be lent, but I feel like an ex is not the person most people first reach out to, like when they are on hard times, and there's a chance he might have gotten rejected at a bunch of other avenues. I find a possibility in this equation that you would not have gotten that money back. Some mutual friends are saying, "I'm being cold because I can afford to help." And because I once claimed I loved him, he broke up with her. What the fuck are we talking about? I can technically afford a lot of things. I could buy a bunch of Xboxes and make a chair out of it if I wanted to. But I don't because that's financially irresponsible and I know it's irresponsible cuz I did it and it sent me back a lot of money. My view is he chose to leave the relationship and with it the benefits of having me as a support system. Yeah. Like he made that choice himself. And how mutual are these friends exactly? Like that that's your cash. Those are your buckaroonies at the end of the day. I don't like throwing the word around a bunch, but like that sounds like because you can afford it, this guy is entitled to your help. Not you are technically capable of giving it, but he is almost owed it because of that fact. No, fuck off. Ooh, family drama. Nothing that is like life shattering, I don't think, but stuff that'll be make Christmas and Thanksgiving pretty awkward. Am I wrong for telling my dad I don't want to hear about his new girlfriend's kids anymore?

[00:09:50]My parents divorced when I was 14. I'm 23 now. Damn. So you were like well into your life of having like two parents with each other by the time that like they decided to separate. Still these things happen. My dad started dating somewhat about a year ago and I tried to be supportive. She seems fine. I don't hate her or anything. Sometimes like a kid of a divorced parents will be like really supportive or appreciate the person that either of their parents might go on to date afterwards. And sometimes they just don't fuck with them but like they don't actively try to get in the middle of like the parents happiness. It's whatever. But she has three kids and my dad talks about them constantly. every single call turns into a 20-minute update about what her youngest said at school or how the teenager made the varsity team. Like genuinely, every conversation, you could speculate that there might be like a degree of jealousy about this. Like maybe maybe the kid felt like they didn't get the same level of affirmation like when their dad was raising them.

[00:10:40]But but that is me throwing a dart into the ether based off of like the undertones of other Am I the asshole posts I've read in the past. Not really a good way to do that here. Last month, I visited him for the weekend and I think he mentioned my name maybe twice the whole time. Okay. I don't even think it's about like their dad being neglectful when they're growing up. I think it's like you don't take an interest in me now and how am I supposed to have a relationship with you if like we're not talking about both of each other's lives in like the both directions. He kept pulling out his phone to show me videos of her kids doing random stuff. At some point, he showed me a school play video that was 40 minutes long and seemed genuinely confused when I said I had to go to bed.

[00:11:17]For all the dad knew, that motherfucker might have just actually had to go to bed. I don't really see like why that should be shocking in most contexts. I finally said something two weeks ago. I told him I'm happy he's found someone.

[00:11:26]Perfectly reasonable caveat to add with what you're about to drop on him. But I called to talk to him, not get updates on kids I've met like four times. You know, that makes a whole lot of sense.

[00:11:35]This son like doesn't have like any huge relationship with a his dad's new girlfriend and b especially that girlfriend's kids. It's like these are complete strangers to me, man. Like you might tell a friend a story about another friend that they don't know once every now and then, but like imagine if they had them by name and only ever talked about them ever and it just got in the way of you guys conversating one-on-one at all. Nobody thinks about the deadbeat dads. Nobody considers that the kids might have had bad vibes. The dad got really quiet and said he thought I'd want to be part of his whole life now. I told him I do want that, but his whole life used to include asking how my job is going or remembering I had a big presentation last week. Yep. certain things this dude like was able to talk about with his dad like his interests and shit apparently just fell to the wayside. That's a bummer man. He hasn't called since and my stepmom mom's side thinks I was hard. Damn. Your mom's like, "All right, I tried dudes. On to women." Like fuck it. Based good for her. But like I genuinely cannot remember the last time my dad asked me how I was doing and actually waited for the answer. Am I wrong for saying something? I feel like it would have been wrong if you didn't say something because this seems like the sort of thing that could lead to you and your dad growing further apart if it was left unressed. And there's a chance that your dad just like won't reach out as much as a result of this conversation if like he just genuinely didn't take an interest in your life as his son to the degree that he has now. It might have just like swelled into something more emotional later on. At least this way you're actually communicating and it's kind of on him to come back to you since you've like explained your grievances. TLDDR, that's rough, buddy. Am I wrong for walking out of a family dinner midmeal?

[00:13:07]Because my mom took a shot at my career in front of everyone. My brother got some kind of award at his hospital recently and my mom has been bringing it up every chance she gets, which fine, he's proud. Whatever. Positive reinforcement as someone else isn't necessarily tearing down of like someone else just by comparison. Nothing wrong yet. But last Sunday, we had this big family dinner. Aunts, uncles, the whole thing. And at some point she starts going on about how proud she is of him and then just looks at me and says, "It's a shame not everyone found their calling. Fuck me, dude." That's like the sort of why couldn't you be like your friend who gets straight A's parenting that I hope for most people uh if it existed at all died when they became adults and went on to like go to college to have careers. Ate people at the table. My uncle laughed like it was a joke. My dad looked at his food. I feel like it kind of depends on the type of family dynamic you have. Like maybe jokes like this can be light-hearted banter that don't really mean much like at their core, but considering the variety of reactions, it seems like this might be some kind of actual sore point.

[00:14:07]I sat there for a bit and honestly, I just didn't have it in me to smile through the rest of the meals. Sometimes you don't, man, it happens. I put my napkin down and said I had to go. No yelling, no door slamming. I just left.

[00:14:17]Now my mom is saying I embarrassed the family by making a scene. My dad texted me that I was being sensitive. I mean, maybe he's being sensitive like a little bit, but like a little sensitivity is necessary. Again, this is just one of those stories that feels like there's a much bigger implied history of similar or related scenarios taking place that probably led up to a moment like this and gets confirmed with the next line.

[00:14:39]My brother privately said he gets why I did it, but that I should have just ignored her like I always do. At least the brother's like empathetic and understands it. And for me, I think it's very context dependent, but like there is like a certain degree where it's like if you don't see your family that much and like they say shit that like pisses you off and you're just trying to like make it through, like keeping your head down until you don't have to see them again for 6 months is like the right move for people. This may or may not necessitate a longer, more awkward moment in the future. The thing is, I have been ignoring it for years and clearly it isn't working either. So, I don't really know what the right move even is here. Got to be honest, man. I don't know if there is one. like a comment got made and you had like a reaction in your head that made it seem necessary to you to like remove yourself from the situation. I don't think you did anything like really egregious and it was you like who the joke was made at the expense of. If you're beyond your threshold, there's some things you're just not going to be able to keep in.

[00:15:28]But maybe there is like a better midmax, more optimal route for just like not having to be around this sooner. That's at this guy for sticking up for himself and just removing himself from a situation where he was just like he's getting blacked. Am I wrong for kicking my boyfriend's sister out at 11 p.m.

[00:15:44]after catching or trying on my entire wardrobe? Dude, I'd feel like defiled with people just going through my shit like that without asking. I, 26 female, have been living with my boyfriend, 27 male, for about a year. His sister, who we'll call Chloe, 22 female, is in town for a few days and is staying on her couch. We usually get along fine, but she has this weird habit of boundary stomping when it comes to personal space. Oh yeah, fuck that. It's like at a certain point you might have to tell someone get a hotel. I've told her multiple times to stay out of our bedroom, especially when I'm not home, but it never seems to stick. Spider-Man, fuck off. Last night I came home late from a shift at the hospital and I was exhausted. Oh, fuck me. Yeah. No, this would like reasonably set I think a lot of people watching into like a Tasmanian devil tornado. Bro, getting home late from like any shift. Obviously, you're working hard and you're tired after like the full workday, but the hospital, fuck no, dude. That is like an S tier job that you don't want to come home to some bullshit from. Chloe was standing in front of my fulllength mirror wearing my favorite designer wrap dress and a vintage pearl necklace that belonged to my grandmother. Fuck me. Yeah, that's that's deep. It's like one thing if they're wearing a throwaway t-shirt and sweatpants or some shit. Maybe their stuff was in the wash and forgot to pack extra stuff. You you still text someone first about that if possible. But the vintage pearl necklace, that's a family heirl. What the fuck are you doing with that shit on? The person who owns it doesn't even wear it unless it's like a really special occasion. What are you doing? She had at least 15 other outfits pulled out of my closet and just dumped it in a massive pile on the bed. My jewelry box was open and several of my rings were scattered on the nightstand.

[00:17:16]She was literally posing and taking selfies like it was a fitting room at the mall. Yeah. No, fuck that, dude.

[00:17:22]That that's pissing me off reading this.

[00:17:24]I lost it. I didn't yell, but I told her to get the dress off right now and pack her things. She tried to laugh it off, saying she was just looking for inspiration and that she didn't think I would mind because we are practically sisters. I I feel like sisters would get even more pissed at each other if they had some shit like this going on between each other that wasn't discussed beforehand. I told her sisters respect boundaries and her staying here was a favor, not a right. Bars, bars fucking spit at them. My boyfriend tried to deescalate and said I was being dramatic. SHE HAD HER GRANDMOTHER'S PEARLS ON because it's just clothes.

[00:17:53]Dude, no. Dude, stop. As a guy, you have to know that things you own, material objects, have sentimental value. And even if they don't, it's your stuff. You don't want people digging through that shit without asking first. But I pointed out the mess on the bed and the fact she was wearing a necklace that is literally irreplaceable. It was 11:00 p.m. and raining, but I told her she needed to find a hotel or stay with a friend. My boyfriend drove her to a nearby Holiday Inn, but he has been giving me the cold shoulder all day. I'm sorry, mate, but you got to take your girl side on this.

[00:18:20]She's in the right. He thinks I overreacted by putting her out on the street. so late at night over some laundry, but I feel like catching her red-handed in the middle of a private space violation was the final straw. Now his parents are calling me saying I am being cruel to a young girl who just admires my style. Tell her to fucking like look at my pics on Instagram then, man. What are we talking about? Am I wrong here? No. No, you are absolutely correct. First comment, you need a new boyfriend and make sure you start lending out his clothes and electronics to friends. It's like, yeah, I just let your homeboy borrow the PS5 for the weekend. It shouldn't be a problem, right? It's just a fucking hunk of plastic. Oh man. I think that's a good one to end on. That card I mentioned should be on screen. Be sure to drop a like and subscribe with notifications on. Anyways, this has been quite and I'll see y'all next