Why Do I Feel So Disconnected From My Own Life?

[00:00:00]ask you something honestly.

[00:00:02]When was the last time you did something [music] not because you had to, not because someone needed you to, but because you actually wanted to?

[00:00:13]And if you had to think about that for more than a few seconds, this episode is for you.

[00:00:19]If you're new here, welcome. I'm Alicia Powell and this is in between. It's short, honest conversations for the woman who is still figuring it out.

[00:00:31]If this kind of conversation speaks to you, >> [music] >> please subscribe, follow, leave a rating or a comment or both.

[00:00:40]>> [laughter] >> It generally supports this podcast more than you know.

[00:00:46]So today, [music] I want to talk about being on autopilot mode.

[00:00:51]Not the kind on a plane, but buckle up, sis.

[00:00:56]We are about to get real.

[00:00:59]I want to talk about the kind that happens to us >> [music] >> quietly, slowly, without us even realizing it.

[00:01:09]One day you look up and you realize you've been going through the motions of your life without actually living it.

[00:01:17]Waking [music] up, getting through the day, paying bills, going to sleep, waking up and doing it all over again.

[00:01:25]There is absolutely no excitement, no connection to self, just [music] surviving.

[00:01:32]And I think more women are living like this than we realize.

[00:01:37]Because maybe it happened after a breakup, maybe after motherhood, maybe after burnout, or maybe after moving somewhere new.

[00:01:52]Maybe after all the years of carrying [music] responsibilities nobody sees or responsibilities that you carry all by [music] yourself.

[00:02:02]Because life gets heavy.

[00:02:05]And sometimes survival starts masquerading as personality. [music] You tell yourself you're just tired.

[00:02:14]You're just busy.

[00:02:17]You're just in a season.

[00:02:20]But if we're honest, >> [music] >> sometimes we stop checking in with ourselves completely.

[00:02:27]For me, there were seasons where I didn't realize how much change my nervous system was carrying all at once.

[00:02:34]New environments, [music] new responsibilities, new expectations.

[00:02:40]Trying to adjust, trying to fit in, trying to hold everything together.

[00:02:47]And somewhere in all of that I disappeared a little.

[00:02:52]I was physically there, but mentally, emotionally, >> [music] >> I was just surviving the days. And the truth about autopilot mode is >> [music] >> it doesn't happen because you're weak.

[00:03:05]It happens because life gets heavy enough that your mind literally finds a way to protect you from feeling all of it at once.

[00:03:14]It happens, you know, when stress becomes normal.

[00:03:19]When one hard thing becomes another hard thing.

[00:03:24]When you stop believing you have control over anything anymore in your life.

[00:03:29]So you go numb.

[00:03:31]You go through the motions. You survive.

[00:03:36]And surviving is okay for a season, don't get me wrong.

[00:03:39]But surviving was never meant to be your whole entire life story.

[00:03:45]And sometimes, >> [music] >> if we're really being honest, we learned autopilot before we even knew what it was.

[00:03:54]We learned it by watching.

[00:03:56]Watching adults wake up, go to work, pay bills, and come home exhausted. Go to sleep and do it all over again the next day.

[00:04:08]Just there they were literally just trying to survive. Trying to keep the lights on.

[00:04:14]This survival mode happened to them not because they didn't love us. Look love us. Sorry. Today I'm not able to get my words through at all.

[00:04:24]I've been struggling. If you know how many times I've been like, "Okay, I need to re-record this episode."

[00:04:31]>> [laughter] >> Um but [music] yeah, back to my train of thought.

[00:04:36]But not because they didn't love us.

[00:04:39]>> [music] >> They loved us. They loved us deeply.

[00:04:42]But survival mode has a look. And as children, we absorb it.

[00:04:49]You learn to push through. You learn to numb it out.

[00:04:53]You learn that struggle means >> [music] >> you put your head down and you keep moving.

[00:05:00]And then you grow up and do exactly [music] what you watched. Not because you chose it, but because it was the only brew blueprint that we had. [music] But recognizing the pattern is how you break it.

[00:05:14]One thing I know is the scariest thing about [music] autopilot isn't that you're unhappy.

[00:05:20]It's because you stop asking yourself questions.

[00:05:25]What do I enjoy?

[00:05:27]What do I need?

[00:05:29]What do I want?

[00:05:32]Who am I becoming?

[00:05:35]Waking up doesn't start with changing your life. It starts with paying attention to it.

[00:05:41]Like, what keeps draining me?

[00:05:45]What makes me feel What am I tolerating?

[00:05:50]Also, what am I avoiding?

[00:05:54]And how to come back to yourself is you have to deal with one thing at a time.

[00:06:02]Not everything at once.

[00:06:04]Just one stress, one trigger, one [music] decision, one conversation.

[00:06:13]Start with recognizing your triggers, set boundaries, accept your reality.

[00:06:20]And not the reality you wish you had, but the reality you're actually living in.

[00:06:27]Because acceptance is not giving up.

[00:06:29]>> [music] >> It's the first step toward changing something, changing your life.

[00:06:35]And I want to leave you with this.

[00:06:38]That if you've been operating on autopilot mode lately, I'm not here, you know, to shame you for it. I'm here to remind you that waking up is possible.

[00:06:51]And that happens with >> [music] >> um just dealing with it one day at a time, one stress at a time.

[00:07:00]Because maybe you're not broken, maybe you're tired.

[00:07:06]Maybe you've been surviving for so long that you've forgotten what it feels like to actually be present in your own life.

[00:07:13]But the beautiful thing about autopilot is the moment you notice it, you're already waking up. It's like you've just smelled the coffee and you become aware.

[00:07:24]But not in a dramatic transformation.

[00:07:27]Not with a complete life overhaul. Just one honest moment, one conscious decision, [music] one small choice to come back to yourself.

[00:07:39]And that happens, you know, little by little.

[00:07:45]I want to leave you with this question [music] before I leave.

[00:07:49]Have you ever realized you were living on autopilot mode?

[00:07:53]And what helped you come back to yourself? [music] Please share in the comments because it really helps all of us in this community be able to relate to each other and learn from each other.

[00:08:05]And on that note, [music] I want to say, "Thank you for being here."

[00:08:10]This is where I'm at, becoming little by little.