We’re Just Friends - Chubby Behemoth #301 w/ Sam Tallent and Nathan Lund

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[00:00:00]We are now Hey guys.

[00:00:02]>> I'm using this pillow to cover up my nad sack because Lon was concerned.

[00:00:06]>> was out. That I was going to be showing the barrel. Cuz everybody No throbbing on the freeway.

[00:00:13]>> Everybody would have been mad. Is this the free one? This is the free one. I probably shouldn't have opened with nad sack then.

[00:00:18]>> I think that's okay. I don't think that one's been plugged into the ISO.

[00:00:22]>> How much longer does this vulgar charade have to continue? I I mean Do I have to say stuff like pressing my seam?

[00:00:29]>> [laughter] >> Me want your slime daddy. You know, whatever.

[00:00:34]>> [laughter] >> All the [ __ ] catchphrases that have built this show into the success it is.

[00:00:38]>> [laughter] >> I mean, how how long is he going to keep, you know, scratching, sniffing, exploring? That doesn't help us. Does that help?

[00:00:46]>> Yeah.

[00:00:46]He'll never quit exploring. He has wonder in his heart.

[00:00:49]>> Where are your socks? Look like they're painted on.

[00:00:52]What do you mean? Your socks look like they were made for your foot.

[00:00:56]>> Oh, cuz I get socks that fit really well.

[00:00:59]>> Oh my god. That pisses me off. That my socks fit right?

[00:01:03]>> Yeah, your socks shouldn't be so perfect.

[00:01:06]>> [laughter] >> You and your sister clocking my socks.

[00:01:09]>> I'm just saying that like a guy shouldn't care that much about his socks. Look at Lon over here. He's rocking dick dicky socks.

[00:01:14]>> new. Yeah, he got them today. I wore out a bunch of other pairs one at a time.

[00:01:20]Mhm. I was throwing them away in the backyard, burying them in the backyard like pets.

[00:01:24]>> mama kept digging them up and getting sick.

[00:01:27]>> [laughter] >> You had to get the wagon every time she found a pair. I got to feel like mama.

[00:01:33]Uh what? Yesterday you and Becker got to have bikes at the place we stayed at. And then but there wasn't a third bike and I thought, "Oh, good." And I thought, "Well, I'll go [ __ ] myself or whatever." Mhm.

[00:01:47]And then the >> even tell you we figured you know, you wouldn't want to.

[00:01:51]>> No, no, no.

[00:01:52]You guys took off and I didn't know what you're doing, but I >> like Okay, two bikes two bikes and I thought, well, what am I going to do? And then the proprietress, Amanda, was so nice. She said, "Get in Get in the golf cart." And I got to ride behind you. And then after you after when we reunited, I realized that I felt like Mama in the stroller.

[00:02:15]Getting older, can't do stuff, but still wants to be a part of it. Or at least the people who own her {slash} you want to feel like they've made you a part of it.

[00:02:26]Yeah, by any means necessary.

[00:02:28]>> Right, cuz you might not You probably didn't really care, you know, if you got to go on the bike ride. But then as soon as, "Hey, look what we got for you."

[00:02:36]golf cart >> be included.

[00:02:38]>> Yeah, let's rip.

[00:02:39]Otherwise, you guys would have come back together and been like, "Oh, I'm all biked out." And then I would go by myself, I eat [ __ ] right.

[00:02:46]>> Right. Crack my leg in half, bleed out.

[00:02:48]Yeah, you can't No one can hear you.

[00:02:52]Cuz when you fell, you landed face down in a pile of horse manure.

[00:02:56]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, you drown in mud and everyone says you're copying me. That's Sam's thing.

[00:03:00]>> [laughter] >> Sam was supposed to be the mud death.

[00:03:04]Yeah, that that was funny. And I Becker and I rode bikes today. Yeah. So, I got to go down that big hill and feel like I was flying. And I, much like Mama, had a seizure.

[00:03:14]>> [laughter] >> Bit your own tongue. Bit my tongue off, yeah. You got in the hot tub.

[00:03:19]>> Oh, I got in there. I soaked. I would have loved to have seen you on the bike, been with you on the bike.

[00:03:25]But, uh yeah, I was dipped. I was a dumpling gang.

[00:03:27]>> You showered and then went in the hot tub, which is a fun move. Yeah, I didn't think I would have time to hot tub, but then I saw what time it was and I said, "Hey, I already showered, I might as well tub." I didn't even think about it.

[00:03:37]And I was like, "Oh, yeah, tub time. I'm going to get in there." Yeah. And now, I'm still just coursing with tub bacteria. Yeah.

[00:03:45]Uh I'm electric green. These These aren't pants. This is how my legs look.

[00:03:49]>> [laughter] >> You got sludge. You were chugging on the bike going nuts, having fun. Oh, yeah.

[00:03:54]>> Mhm. He hit some rough gravel on that beach cruiser.

[00:03:59]Yeah, going down the the gravel driveway was scary cuz I was scared yesterday. Same thing. They were big They were big rocks that made it ga ga ga ga ga ga and I God, if I would have eaten [ __ ] I would have crashed after being on the bike for 20 seconds.

[00:04:18]So, that would have been awful. And then It would have been awful for me cuz I didn't witness [laughter] it. Cuz you weren't around. You would have hated it cuz it was it was a good save. The gravel was [ __ ] I don't want to see the kid get hurt, but it is, you know, if he's going down I want to see it.

[00:04:34]>> [laughter] >> I want to see him beef it. I also had to deal with the bike seat being high up for you. Mhm. We didn't bring it back down. I love a high bike seat.

[00:04:45]Yeah, it was good. I'm tall. I need it right there at the hip. I got on there.

[00:04:48]Yeah.

[00:04:50]I hope you uh ride a bicycle again. I'm going to.

[00:04:55]Yeah.

[00:04:56]It's time. Becker. It It was fun.

[00:04:59]>> to go over to his house with a bandana on.

[00:05:01]>> [laughter] >> And be like, "Hey, buddy.

[00:05:04]The montage starts now." You're holding a boombox.

[00:05:07]>> [laughter] >> You play it. Final Countdown turns on.

[00:05:09]And then after like 10 seconds, it actually switches over to Shovel and Lund's like When he's >> I'll put on my sweats.

[00:05:16]>> He's walking, speed walking. So, he He's like Mac in Punch-Out, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. He can keep up with you. fat black guy. I'm the trainer. Yeah, you're Waldo Cruz.

[00:05:28]I'm on the bike.

[00:05:30]He's behind. He's getting ready for the big brawl against Piston Honda. Hell, yeah. Yeah, he's eating turkey legs off the ground.

[00:05:39]Meanwhile, you ate the bicycle.

[00:05:42]What? You pissed in a Honda.

[00:05:46]Pissed in a Honda.

[00:05:49]All right. missed I missed it.

[00:05:51]He was one of the Punch-Out opponents, one of the boxers in the >> Piston Honda? Piston Honda, yeah. There you go. And then they did E. Honda in >> was in Street Fighter, yeah. There was a couple Honda fighters. Johnny Toyota, you remember him?

[00:06:08]There's a lot of subliminal advertising they were beating up.

[00:06:11]>> Thad Chevrolet.

[00:06:13]>> [laughter] >> The crazy Frenchman. Yeah. Remember Gabe Kia?

[00:06:17]What did they What kind of car did we they kicking the [ __ ] out of in Street Fighter?

[00:06:21]>> Subaru Brat. Acura Legend. Acura. You can just say whatever car >> be a No, I'm wrong. It's a Lexus 400.

[00:06:29]I had to think about it. There you go.

[00:06:33]I don't know why you would know that.

[00:06:35]You can't fact check him. But >> have a phone. Yeah, it's all right. You don't need to.

[00:06:40]I was calling a guy who was doing maintenance on the cottage.

[00:06:44]I was calling him Electric Jeremy.

[00:06:47]And no one was laughing at it as hard as I was. I thought it was so funny that long hair with the beard.

[00:06:53]Just, you know, working with a Sawzall.

[00:06:56]To paint him as Electric Jeremy and I hoped that everyone would join in and we could build some, you know, lore, but Blessing slipped on.

[00:07:02]>> No one [ __ ] cared that his name was Electric Jeremy. It was fun this morning when we were packing up we were talking about whether or not he was there and then he just emerged from the foundation of the home next door.

[00:07:13]>> Yeah, someone caught a good star pick in heaven and Electric Jeremy [laughter] showed up. I'm good the street racing going on.

[00:07:20]>> Yeah, that sounded nuts.

[00:07:22]Also I was calling our landlord Bad Time Amanda.

[00:07:25]I thought that was fun.

[00:07:27]She wasn't a bad time at all. I just thought that, you know, it's kind of like a She's like a tough brassy broad.

[00:07:31]Sure, yeah.

[00:07:32]>> Bad Time Amanda. Got that on the pickleball court. Or she played like rugby in college.

[00:07:38]Bad Time Amanda.

[00:07:39]>> You You have to whisper.

[00:07:41]I'm inside. Oh. the mic does the heavy lifting. I've been talking all week.

[00:07:45]Yeah, I know, but you got to keep talking. I'm on vocal rest. Becker, for the next hour or so.

[00:07:49]>> are good.

[00:07:50]>> rest. No, Becker, why don't you take it?

[00:07:52]What What am I What do I got?

[00:07:53]>> I don't know. You've been studying, Ave.

[00:07:55]You've been watching people, appraising them. Why don't you deliver 40 hours of rocking content?

[00:07:59]>> [laughter] >> I hurt my mouth on that pizza.

[00:08:02]Which Which part?

[00:08:03]>> Also, your guys' pizza, the jerk chicken, was not only bad, it was wrong.

[00:08:07]I liked it a lot.

[00:08:08]>> Well, I know, but that makes me doubt everyone's competence when it comes to food.

[00:08:12]>> it wrong?

[00:08:13]>> It had rice and beans on it. I took a bite. It tasted like paste. It was not Maybe I got a bad bite.

[00:08:19]I was glad I ate it before I ate the stronger flavored ones. You don't need rice and beans on a pizza. That's That's a bridge too far than pasta.

[00:08:28]No, both are fine. I come from the Ninja Turtle school of eating pizza. You put whatever you want on there. It's a delivery device. Well, yeah. You also went to school with the Ninja Turtles in the sewers, and your rat was a teacher.

[00:08:41]So, I'm not listening to you. You didn't even get the ooze. You just licked it down there.

[00:08:46]>> [laughter] >> You had any ninja powers. You weren't a turtle. God. That sounds like pretty cool stuff.

[00:08:53]>> by Splinter. You were just down there >> [laughter] >> eating whatever fell on the sewer floor, and then like riding a hover bike around. They didn't even have hover bikes. No, they just had skateboards.

[00:09:03]They had one with a fanboat fan on the back.

[00:09:06]I'd ride that skateboard through the sewers. I'd like to lock you [clears throat] in a crate made of boards.

[00:09:12]>> [laughter] >> That'd be fun one day.

[00:09:15]Would be to put uh like a big like a big wooden box, and to put each of you in the box, and then to nail it shut. You know, like they do in cartoons. Mhm. Yeah, and then just mail you somewhere.

[00:09:26]>> to Afghanistan.

[00:09:27]>> Send it somewhere. Yeah.

[00:09:28]>> Abu Dhabi. Mhm. Cincinnati. Wherever.

[00:09:31]You're just in a in a box. You don't know where you're going.

[00:09:34]>> [laughter] >> You get there, you get out. You're like, It's on speak English? Do you speak English?" They're like, "Yes, this is Virginia Beach." And you're like, "Fuck!

[00:09:42][ __ ] Send me to Cabo!"

[00:09:45]Uh that might be if gas prices and flights stay expensive. Yeah, ship us.

[00:09:55]One box, the two of us together, we got a little bit of food, a little TV or whatever. I guess just our phones. Yeah, I don't know what we're going to do cuz I can't keep paying for Becker to come with these flights being so expensive.

[00:10:07]Nope, it's dumb. It sucks.

[00:10:10]I guess if you guys want the pod all together, five bucks a month, join the [ __ ] Patreon so we can get Becker out of my purse. Not that he's in there, but I am paying for the [ __ ] flights.

[00:10:21]And what are we going to do?

[00:10:23]I mean, you can't come, you said, for a while.

[00:10:27]I don't know.

[00:10:28]I'm going to try to make it work.

[00:10:31]But it'll be hard. Yeah, it'll be tough.

[00:10:33]The whole thing is upside down. We could get uh uh one of those railroad uh teeter-totters that you push. Yeah, a pump cart.

[00:10:44]>> Yeah, that's right. From Trinidad, you know, there's the Amtrak.

[00:10:50]That would get us to most of the country.

[00:10:52]>> up. Becker's doing it with one hand cuz he's smoking.

[00:10:55]>> [laughter] >> Uh Yeah, I'm sitting on it. Yeah, you're going up and down. Becker's getting ripped.

[00:11:01]>> [laughter] >> You're playing Frogger.

[00:11:04]>> Fart for momentum. Farts and burps propel us. Yes. One little gust at a time, little spurt of energy. It was nice that that old man farted in the elevator.

[00:11:15]For real? Yeah.

[00:11:17]I miss this. Oh, yeah, he was farting.

[00:11:20]Well, whenever uh people the meet and greet was in front of the elevator.

[00:11:22]>> a lot of people that the elevator was full of farts cuz we were farting in there.

[00:11:26]>> You had a lot of incapacitated folks.

[00:11:29]>> Yeah, a lot of lung guys were there tonight.

[00:11:32]On their ventilators, a lot of them most of them had walkers. Stairs, huh? Yeah.

[00:11:36]Out of my way, boys. The elevator's working, right?

[00:11:40]>> of people said, "Hey, Lund. Looking great."

[00:11:42]>> [laughter] >> Lund, you're my fitness idol.

[00:11:46]What the Put the pillow down.

[00:11:48]>> No, no. They can see.

[00:11:50]>> [laughter] >> And they At least they're not seeing down my butt cheeks, you know? That was bad.

[00:11:56]So, anyway, they would get in the elevator and then an old guy they very like I was joking. He was like, "I'm farting in here." And I was like, "All right." And then as the doors shut, I heard someone fart there.

[00:12:05]>> [laughter] >> I wish I could have looked and he would have been like, "Oop."

[00:12:10]Living the bit.

[00:12:12]>> [clears throat] >> I burnt my mouth though and I hate it.

[00:12:15]What the [ __ ] I thought you would wait it. No. I took a bite immediately and then you guys were like, "Is it hot?"

[00:12:20]And then you guys were already eating the pizza before I could answer. Yeah. I didn't.

[00:12:24]>> You were good.

[00:12:25]>> Becker did.

[00:12:25]>> Becker scalded his own.

[00:12:27]>> time ever, I didn't knowingly think it's really hot and then bite it anyway cuz what if it's not? I could be eating already if I'm not a not an idiot. Well, Becker has a mouth like the outside of an alligator boot.

[00:12:40]Yeah. Cuz you were smoking all the time and eating glass to impress chicks. A lot of really hard crusty bread.

[00:12:47]>> Right, yeah. Thumbnails.

[00:12:50]Uh whatever the guys down have down at the at the reservation.

[00:12:55]Becker's been hanging out on the reservation.

[00:12:56]>> [laughter] >> Uh That'd be cool. That's my new hang. I just go down to the res.

[00:13:02]>> You should become a topaz broker. Oh, no.

[00:13:05]>> Yeah, man.

[00:13:07]You come to Lund, he appraises the topaz. That'd be a cool reality show for you, too.

[00:13:12]Your dad's about to get you a Kachina doll. Yeah.

[00:13:17]Fingers crossed. Hopefully it's a cool one.

[00:13:20]>> Hopefully a good one. Hopefully you get uh I don't want [ __ ] eagle head.

[00:13:23]>> Reggie Miller. It's going to be eagle head. Or Dusty Rhodes. Arvydas Sabonis, at least.

[00:13:27]>> [laughter] >> I want it to be fully posable. I want it to have the sword.

[00:13:33]Yeah. Not an eagle? I don't want an eagle. I don't want wolf head. I don't want coyote. Uh-uh. I want the black and white one with the yellow dots.

[00:13:42]That guy's kooky.

[00:13:43]Yeah, I think he's the the god of good vibes and keeping it easy.

[00:13:48]>> [laughter] >> He's He's the lord of hanging loose.

[00:13:51]>> Keeping it sleazy. Yeah, he does this.

[00:13:53]He does this.

[00:13:55]>> [laughter] >> I want him to be doing that.

[00:14:00]My dad's probably going to get me a G.I.

[00:14:02]Joe. He's going to say, "It It looks so accurate, right, buddy?" Kung fu grip.

[00:14:07]All right, Dad, follow me.

[00:14:10]Uh Are we good? Yeah, we're good. I was just moving it while he wasn't leaning.

[00:14:16]I was glad that we didn't have to deal with graduation here at U-Dub.

[00:14:21]>> Oof. Cuz that would have been too much.

[00:14:24]Uh Now it's um almost deserted. You don't have a ton of people.

[00:14:30]Not a lot of students.

[00:14:32]But some. There were some youth tonight.

[00:14:36]They haven't graduated yet.

[00:14:38]Still partying.

[00:14:40]But It was a good first show tonight. You're on vocal rest. I was just seeing how long you could go on.

[00:14:47]>> want to. You don't want to pod?

[00:14:49]>> College.

[00:14:50]College, it's a real trip. College, professors. College, man. Some of them are here, some of them aren't here.

[00:14:57]College is crazy, man.

[00:14:58]>> Graduation happened.

[00:15:00]Now we're not part of it, and I like that.

[00:15:03]I'm glad I thought that maybe it was going to be graduation weekend, and it would be nuts. Everybody out here puking, fingering, fighting.

[00:15:12]But no.

[00:15:13]And it's all right by me.

[00:15:16]Becker's a bit bummed out.

[00:15:17]>> Less but they're not the graduates. He doesn't want graduates. They're too They're smart and they're old.

[00:15:24]>> [laughter] >> I think he I think he can target them up till the time they're 20.

[00:15:29]That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Until their brains are fully formed. 22, 24.

[00:15:33]>> Right. Yeah. So, Becker, you're the undergrad target this >> [laughter] >> weekend. Okay. Not just girls.

[00:15:40]Guys, too. Soft guys. under gland. Yeah.

[00:15:44]If they're an undergrad, he's under glad. Yeah.

[00:15:47]That his glands are over inflated.

[00:15:50]>> No 50-year seniors, either. Either. He doesn't want them. Gross.

[00:15:55]Busted.

[00:15:55]>> Yeah. Becker wants fresh undergrads so he can measure them for his dollhouse.

[00:16:01]You're making a You're making a two-scale human-size dollhouse, which I said was just a house. He said, [laughter] "You don't get it. People live in a house. They're not going to be alive in the dollhouse." Oh. Yeah.

[00:16:13]He says that he's uh He's like a butterfly collector and he wants to pin them down. God. What, Becker? Don't say it off mic if I can't say it on mic.

[00:16:24]Quotable. Don't Don't have any quotables if you don't want them postable. Yeah. I guess I'm quotable. Yeah.

[00:16:31]You said you you're you're growing cabbage in Trinidad so uh the flock'll have something to eat.

[00:16:37]>> Oh, God. Yeah. You're going to be feeding all your captives cabbage. It's going to reek in there.

[00:16:41]>> It's going to be just a big fart cloud.

[00:16:43]>> It's going to smell like the inside of a furry bottom.

[00:16:45]>> [laughter] >> Just sweating That's right. Mhm.

[00:16:54]Did you grab your collectible from Rich?

[00:16:56]Did you leave it in the green room?

[00:16:57]Yeah, I needed it in there for good luck.

[00:16:59]>> to sell it online. You can sell it. It's a signed Shannon Sharpe headshot.

[00:17:04]If anyone wants it, Shannon is uh it's I think it was for an acting reel. So, he's doing a lot of different faces and poses. Very nude in one. Yeah, he's saluting in the other one. Very nude.

[00:17:14]>> outfit. Yep. He has doing arms crossed, kind of serious but his penis is smiling.

[00:17:19]>> [laughter] >> He just had sex on live, huh?

[00:17:24]Who did?

[00:17:25]>> Yeah, Shannon Sharpe. Didn't know he was on live or he did.

[00:17:31]Woah.

[00:17:32]And he had had sex.

[00:17:35]And I think you could just hear him, you couldn't see him.

[00:17:38]Well, that's >> like a year ago and he was like, whoops and it's like probably helped them with anything.

[00:17:45]>> It was really loud though. It's like when you drive on a pop tire.

[00:17:50]It's a grinding and there were sparks flying.

[00:17:52]>> Whatever he was doing hurt him.

[00:17:54]>> Mhm.

[00:17:55]I'm in and I hate it.

[00:17:58]>> [laughter] >> I know I'm in cuz it hurts.

[00:18:01]I'm going to take it out.

[00:18:02]There it is.

[00:18:03]>> [laughter] >> Put it back in Shannon. For real. HERE WE GO.

[00:18:10]I'M OUT AGAIN.

[00:18:12]ALL RIGHT. IT'S LIKE hot and cold.

[00:18:17]He was having sex in the fridge.

[00:18:19][laughter] Okay.

[00:18:20]He was going from the fridge to the microwave.

[00:18:23]Here we go.

[00:18:25]>> [laughter] >> Let me use strap in.

[00:18:29]I'm the cart and the mule on this one.

[00:18:31]Lon, give me a suggestion.

[00:18:34]Shut up. Okay, can do. [laughter] No.

[00:18:38]Uh we've been together for so long.

[00:18:42]I don't know if we're going to make it through the weekend. Oh, people that were together >> What about what about this?

[00:18:47]>> [laughter] >> What about those friends? What about this? God, we've been together for so long. You keep saying that to people. You're trying to hold my hand.

[00:18:55]It's a good move. Are you guys together or separate when you're getting rung up?

[00:18:58]>> Right.

[00:18:59]Together for 20 years.

[00:19:02]>> Yeah.

[00:19:04]Um I feel like you might have blown it tonight because earlier when talking about the wedding, someone was like, "Oh, yeah, I've got some drugs. I got some Molly for the wedding.

[00:19:16]But don't tell anyone." Okay. Didn't he say don't tell anyone?

[00:19:20]>> No. All right. You mean the guy who showed us all of the cool Molly gummy bears that he had? And he was like, "Yeah, don't Whatever you do, don't let anyone know I have all of these, and they're all different colors and flavors."

[00:19:32]>> I thought maybe he didn't want it to be widely known. I don't know. But then you're like, "Hey, everybody." No, you were scared cuz I said you have to do Molly or you can't go to the wedding.

[00:19:41]You acted like you wanted to do Molly. I do. You You don't That'd be fun.

[00:19:46]It's not going to make you young again.

[00:19:48]No, but Molly's great. You've never done it, right?

[00:19:51]>> done it.

[00:19:51]>> Yeah, it's amazing. It's good. It's fun.

[00:19:54]So, why wouldn't you want to do it with me?

[00:19:55]>> It's a lot. And Becker.

[00:19:58]Yeah. Becker's doing it, too. He's doing more than we [laughter] are.

[00:20:01]Because he likes gummy bears. Yeah. I don't think I will. I don't want to freak out or be weird or sweat too much.

[00:20:08]>> on Molly. [snorts] >> At a pleasant wedding. Yes, you can. You can get hot. I'll think I'm having a heart attack or something. So, I probably will skip the potential bad time.

[00:20:18]>> ketamine at No, I didn't. Oh, yeah, that was You did. It didn't I don't even [laughter] know if it counted. I didn't feel different or >> man. We're at a wedding. I did blow at a wedding I went to. You do ketamine.

[00:20:29]Yeah, cuz you don't know who or what you are. I know what I am. I don't want to do Molly.

[00:20:34]>> Come on. We're going to what? Dance?

[00:20:36]We're going to dance for 2 hours? No.

[00:20:39]We're going to eat Molly, and then you and I are going to dance, and we're going to say, "Hey, everyone, we're together." We're skinny dipping.

[00:20:45]>> [laughter] >> We're going to run to the lake, and you're going to be all [ __ ] up and take your clothes off, and then I'm going to push you into the lake, and I'll be completely dressed.

[00:20:52]>> There's a bunch of young people that are going to be there. Service industry people. It's going to be a real [ __ ] Olympics. I don't want to be in the runnings. I want to be in the cool runnings. I want to smoke weed >> in the cool ranch.

[00:21:05]>> with Jamaicans Yeah. and talk about bobsled and other Olympic events.

[00:21:10]>> No. I want to be chill. Mhm. You have to be Blade Runner. freak out.

[00:21:14]>> to be going so fast.

[00:21:17]You're going to grab the mic, give a speech, go long. That's Sean Patton's move.

[00:21:21]>> [laughter] >> Sean will be there. I'm not doing that.

[00:21:24]I'm going to be in the corner, grinding my jaw, asking people if they have any more pineapple juice.

[00:21:30]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, try [clears throat] not to drink too much water. Yeah, I'm going to be going [ __ ] nuts.

[00:21:35]You're going to be rock hard, talking to somebody's great grandmother.

[00:21:39]>> Yeah. It's going to be super and the wedding photographer Put my balls on her shoulder.

[00:21:44]>> [laughter] >> Ask her who her friend is.

[00:21:47]>> Like dancing too hard and then you like turn and knock over like a 90-year-old woman. She's just shattered.

[00:21:54]>> She should have gotten out of the way.

[00:21:56]It's concrete. She shouldn't have backed me into a corner.

[00:22:00]Ears are bleeding like she was in a car accident.

[00:22:03]>> Yeah. But she just bumped into you.

[00:22:05]Yeah, it's like when people get shot with like a a concussive like uh like blast weapon and like their insides are liquefied. That's what happened [laughter] with grandma.

[00:22:15]Cuz I was backing up that thing on her.

[00:22:18]>> [laughter] >> Thong They shouldn't have played Thong Song if they wanted grandma to survive [snorts] the wedding.

[00:22:22]There's a >> I ate half a gummy bear.

[00:22:24]>> [laughter] >> There's a basketball hoop you dunk on an old woman. Might shatter the glass.

[00:22:30]>> She gets a It rains glass on an old woman.

[00:22:34]She's covered. They call her the crystal porcupine.

[00:22:37]>> [laughter] >> Everyone else on drugs is like, "Holy [ __ ] Sam T.

[00:22:41]Sam T's the best." Meanwhile, you're you've had too many cupcakes and everyone knows it.

[00:22:48]Yeah.

[00:22:49]Uh-huh. I'm complaining so loudly >> [laughter] >> that everybody's like, "All right, we get it. You want to be the center of attention." I'm like, Yeah. Who would do it do it this way?

[00:23:00]>> [laughter] >> I could I could have done Molly instead. My stomach hurts.

[00:23:04]>> Hey, sorry my friend ate the entire pork shoulder. But check this out. Moonwalk.

[00:23:09]I'm stuck.

[00:23:10]I moonwalk across the court.

[00:23:13]Through grandma.

[00:23:14]Sam won't get me an Uber home. Yeah. Or else I'd be gone. So I just have to be here complaining. Yeah, you're just in the corner saying you ate too many cupcakes and then cut to me and I have like my I go to open my wallet to tip and a flame flies out and then a bird comes out of it.

[00:23:30]And when everyone looks down from the bird, I have sunglasses on and everyone's holding a hundred dollar bill.

[00:23:35]>> [laughter] >> I mean, yeah, then you're over there being like Making myself puke.

[00:23:40]>> I shouldn't have had seven Coke Zeros.

[00:23:42]Just kidding, they were regular Cokes and it was twelve. [laughter] No way.

[00:23:47]Coke Zeros for life. Do Molly at the wedding with me. No. It'll be a legendary hog pack attack. Possible.

[00:23:55]Yeah. Woah. Becker, you're going to be into it. I don't think I'm going to do Molly. No, you're not. Wait, there's going to be a guy dressed like Angus Young according to Becker.

[00:24:04]>> Yeah.

[00:24:04]So that's cool.

[00:24:07]In quotes. Yeah. It's [laughter] allegedly cool. That's a cool wedding outfit. No, I like that. Yeah, me too.

[00:24:13]>> I'll be into that. I'll talk to that guy too much on Molly. Yeah, you're going to be like, "So like do you play though or do you just know the dance moves?"

[00:24:21]I just don't want to do a seven hour drive the day after Molly.

[00:24:24]>> It's a It's a kilt or a skirt? What is it? Oh, they're shorts. I was looking.

[00:24:31]Angus Young. Mhm. Mhm. No. Becker, you're going to be doing a long drive.

[00:24:37]Yeah, and I >> not allowed to fly.

[00:24:39]I know I could fly, it'd just be extremely expensive.

[00:24:41]>> Ship yourself. Yeah. Uh What kind of shipping?

[00:24:44]>> Yeah, we should crate my ass.

[00:24:46]Yeah. Yeah, I don't think being serotonin down and depressed in the car alone for seven hours is the way to go.

[00:24:54]>> Yeah, but nothing cheers you up like a drive.

[00:24:56]Talk Talk to car. Yeah, that's true. Hey car, how are you feeling? I just yeah, I think it would be a bad way to start my week. I had sex with a woman named Saskia outside.

[00:25:08]I feel kind of low.

[00:25:09]>> [laughter] >> That's all right though, right?

[00:25:12]A woman named >> That's all right car, we're just we're just doing our best. Saskia. Saskia.

[00:25:17]Mhm. All right. She was a milkmaid.

[00:25:20]I thought she worked in the barn, but I think she might have been a ghost, too.

[00:25:23]>> [laughter] >> I'm not sure.

[00:25:25]My penis stinks.

[00:25:28]Like ecto [laughter] ecto cooler.

[00:25:31]>> that car?

[00:25:32]Yeah.

[00:25:34]It's not bird vomit, it's my penis.

[00:25:35]>> Sebum.

[00:25:37]Meconium.

[00:25:38]>> about? Sebum and meconium are what?

[00:25:41]Meconium is the baby's first [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> And it has all the nutrients that like the mother's been supplying it. So, some people think that they should eat it or like save it or make it into a mask.

[00:25:52]Some people bury it in the yard, defeat it. Tree.

[00:25:56]Some people make it into a coffee mug and then like glaze it and fire it and drink out of it forever.

[00:26:03]Some people think that it's actually the twin of the baby and they raise it.

[00:26:08]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, it's crazy what people do.

[00:26:11]And nobody can say anything.

[00:26:13]>> No, no, no, no, because a mother's never been wrong. Mother's intuition.

[00:26:18]Some psycho asked if I could come entertain his wife after she gives birth.

[00:26:23]So, these are the requests that people [clears throat] are asking. Mhm. Hey, we had tickets to your shows at Dr. Grins.

[00:26:28]Clean my baby But my baby's going to be wet on the 28th and I was thinking, why don't you come down, do 20, you know, >> [laughter] >> Clean. Yeah, and then you can do some stuff for the for the sick kid. I would you know the babies, you know, whatever.

[00:26:45]Go do it. I'm not doing it. Go to the hospital. You're on Molly.

[00:26:50]>> [laughter] >> Yeah.

[00:26:51]Drop the kid. My mouth is burnt. Try to try to pretend that I dropped the kid.

[00:26:56]It's all I'm thinking about. But you're still on Molly.

[00:27:00]You do Molly Sunday, Monday, Tuesday Molly.

[00:27:02]>> roller blades.

[00:27:04]>> [laughter] >> I give the baby back and it's all wet and covered in glitter.

[00:27:09]>> [laughter] >> The baby has makeup on.

[00:27:13]Cuz I gave it a kiss.

[00:27:15]>> [laughter] >> I have full makeup and a wig.

[00:27:20]And I get there and the guy's like, >> [laughter] >> "Who are you?" And I'm like, "I'm your favorite comedian, darling.

[00:27:27]Sam Talent.

[00:27:29]Now, where's my mirror?"

[00:27:32][ __ ] Yeah.

[00:27:35]"Give me the baby.

[00:27:36]Where's my baby?" "Your baby?" "Our baby."

[00:27:40]>> [laughter] >> "Give me the baby."

[00:27:44]Yeah, that's uh Oh, and I also had a fun message. Not as good as that.

[00:27:50]>> Here we go.

[00:27:50]Well, I was offered a a motorcycle.

[00:27:53]An old Honda that's been worked on, fixed up.

[00:27:58]And man, it sounded like a good idea to say, "Yes." He's dude said that he would uh drive it down for me to old Trinidad, but I can't I can't do it. Not in this economy. No. Maybe if we really blow up.

[00:28:16]Cuz it wasn't expensive. No, what was it? It was like a 750?

[00:28:20]>> 2200 750. So, you know that thing hauls.

[00:28:23]Yeah. Um I don't remember what else what type of Honda, but Yeah, it was enticing, but I can't I can't do it.

[00:28:33]>> I Yeah, the lure of the motorcycle is so hard to not go into.

[00:28:40]I want one. I want guns so I can shoot them while I ride a motorcycle.

[00:28:45]>> Hell yeah. Cheap speed.

[00:28:46]>> I can't >> do it. Also, yeah, with the price of gas, I can't I can't do 120 on a hog.

[00:28:54]They're can't burn through bunch of gas.

[00:28:57]>> efficient.

[00:28:57]>> Yeah, I know, but not the way I would drive them cuz I'd always have to stop.

[00:29:02]I always fall off of them. I have to get back on. [laughter] Get all banged up.

[00:29:08]It would be expensive.

[00:29:10]So, and I just can't I just got used to slowing down in the car. So, I don't want to then have access to a [ __ ] bolt of lightning. It sucks. It's added like an hour on my drive all the way up to 104th.

[00:29:25]You just got to believe it.

[00:29:26]>> wagon for mama.

[00:29:28]You can't get the wagon attached to the motorcycle.

[00:29:30]>> No, no.

[00:29:31]>> Sidecar wagon or Ooh, sidecar.

[00:29:35]>> the dog behind. You pull it behind.

[00:29:38]Maybe the dog's driving, you're in the wagon.

[00:29:41]>> Yep. You get ripped one arm. I would love to be able to have one, but not right now. Maybe next year. There's no better time for you to have a motorcycle right now.

[00:29:51]>> No, I can't.

[00:29:52]>> kind of have this like, you know, laissez-faire attitude. Yeah, sure. I was going to say, you know.

[00:29:57]>> No, I want to survive I want to live.

[00:29:59]Okay. All right.

[00:30:01]Kind of. Well, that's the thing.

[00:30:04]I think you get the motorcycle >> Creach.

[00:30:07]>> A few No, a few [laughter] a few a few people and things. No, God, no.

[00:30:14]Uh I want to be alive to see what what comes after this current period of trouble, tensions. Mhm.

[00:30:26]And it could be something cool or it could be something real bad.

[00:30:28]>> utopia? Maybe. You know?

[00:30:31]But, uh yeah, no. I don't So, I don't want to I want to hang around a little bit longer, see Well, I hope you're right cuz when you said you're going off the Ozempic, I did get fitted for a leather tuxedo.

[00:30:41]>> [laughter] >> So, I just want to let you know I got that thing ready to go and >> it's standing by. No, I just got I just was I was paying for the shot and I wasn't getting skinnier, so >> you were going I lost some weight.

[00:30:57]>> weight you know.

[00:30:59]I tried to go up and you got to experience all the joys.

[00:31:04]>> Right. And I didn't get to. That's all right. Well, what could you you were you were gassy?

[00:31:09]Die, die.

[00:31:10]That was annoying. Mhm.

[00:31:12]But yeah, so we'll see. I'm going to I'll ride on the bike. Becker's on Ozempic now.

[00:31:17]He doesn't know what he wants.

[00:31:19]>> No.

[00:31:20]It's the Ozempic would kill my appetite and then I'd have nothing to live for.

[00:31:24]Sure, your walks, you know, your dog.

[00:31:27]>> That's just uh >> [laughter] >> Do you know it's been a week since you killed that dog? Mhm. Do you have uh Do you have the urge to kill again? No, not yet. No, you're not uh I have going to start putting in >> You should put Jack Links in your pockets and go walk around the train tracks.

[00:31:45]And then that'd be a fun 24-hour live stream. How many dogs can Becker kick to death?

[00:31:50]in the wild >> 30 days Yeah.

[00:31:54]Dude, something [snorts] crazy's going on cuz I There was a dead body in Trinidad that was found. This 43-year-old dude.

[00:32:01]Suspicious circumstances.

[00:32:04]And he was 43, so you know.

[00:32:07]And he looked like he had had a rough couple couple years.

[00:32:11]>> Wasn't a pretty 43.

[00:32:12]>> He was looking rough and tumble. Mhm. Like a tumbleweed.

[00:32:17]>> Yeah.

[00:32:18]Haven't got a fast angel today. That's right. Mhm. Um but that and some old man was on the train that goes through Trinidad and might have gotten gotten off without his son.

[00:32:31]Uh must have been sleeping or something.

[00:32:35]And he, this old man, wandered off and was his body was found I don't know if it was in Trinidad or somewhere out There's a stop in Raton, a stop in La Junta.

[00:32:46]But this dude died, too. It's like, "What's going on? Is there a coyote?"

[00:32:53]Oh, wait. No, chupacabra. We might have a chupacabra on our hands.

[00:32:56]>> Could be a reverse kachina doll situation. You just Yeah, it gets crazy with the mysticism and the old ways and the blood in the ground.

[00:33:06]>> Mhm. The kachina screams if you know how to hear it. All of the Yeah, all the echoes of the whistling past secrets come >> red and cactus all over over there.

[00:33:17]>> Right. So >> uh yeah.

[00:33:20]We got to get to the bottom of it, me and Becker. We got deputized while while we've been on this trip. We got an email that says we're needed.

[00:33:28]Uh We have to like join this posse or something.

[00:33:31]>> We need a guy to walk and we need a guy to monitor the sitch. Yep. We got you two to come down.

[00:33:37]Lund, you'd be great if you were just in a van.

[00:33:40]You know, with like a bunch of screens and you were like, "Yo, he's on the west side." And then Becker like walks and you're like, "Just kidding. He's on the south side." Becker walks. [laughter] Then you're like, "Dude, I don't I haven't seen him at all. I'm just joshing with you." And Becker's like, "Very good."

[00:33:54]>> [laughter] >> Light a cig, Becker.

[00:33:56]He doesn't smoke when he walks.

[00:33:57]>> bring them on my walks.

[00:33:58]>> Light a smoke, Becker. It's your cover.

[00:34:00]>> He's on the clock.

[00:34:03]But I mean >> paid by the state. He probably smoke.

[00:34:05]Yeah. Maybe these people are turning back into kachina dolls.

[00:34:10]Cuz you know, usually kachinas come to life, but these guys could have been kachinas not known as >> cycle. turn back into a kachina.

[00:34:16]Recycle.

[00:34:17]>> They find you in the Walsenburg train station. You're just a doll on the ground. Ugh. But you smell like dad.

[00:34:23]I've been smelling like my dad my when I wear a shirt for three or four days in a row, I smell exactly like Dave T. Oh, no.

[00:34:29]It's good. Dave T used to wear shirts all the time.

[00:34:32]>> [laughter] >> I like wearing them for a few days. I like a patina on them.

[00:34:36]I like them when they're smooth.

[00:34:38]When I take off a shirt, it's like I was wearing glass.

[00:34:41]I hate wearing clothes more than once.

[00:34:43]>> Well, yeah, Becker, but you're a priss.

[00:34:45]I'm the dog. I'm the graveyard employee.

[00:34:48]I've wondered if it make You know, I don't like showering every day, but would I pick less, itch less >> Yes, 100%.

[00:34:58]And here's another thing about the picking and the itching. Do you think you itch Well, itch. Do you think you itch and you pick because you know you shouldn't?

[00:35:05]I mean >> Cuz you said how the only thing you want to do is the thing you shouldn't be doing at that time. That's more tasks.

[00:35:11]This seems to be some kind of sensitivity to stuff, allergens.

[00:35:16]Yeah.

[00:35:18]I don't think it's just idle hands. Uh, I think it is a reaction to stuff. What if we did challenges for the Patreon?

[00:35:25]Like Becker has to wear the same outfit for a week. [laughter] You have to walk in each other's and it's the clothes that I wore for 3 days previous. No. So, you're going to wear my stuff that I was in for 72. You're going to be in it for 7 days.

[00:35:37]>> I'd rather do the month-long video in my place. That sounds terrible.

[00:35:41]>> that, too. You're wearing my gear the whole time.

[00:35:44]>> No way. Come on. You're Luns' clothes?

[00:35:47]>> when we're together. My skin gets irritated easy. That's why >> What about this?

[00:35:52]7 days in the clothes I wore for 3 days, or head in Luns' shorts that he wore for 24 hours.

[00:35:59]>> [sighs] >> You have to put your head in Luns' shorts >> [laughter] >> and breathe them like a mask. And yours I just wear normal?

[00:36:06]>> Just wear them normal.

[00:36:06]>> I would wear the clothes, I guess, but I mean like I wore the same pants for a third day and I have like [ __ ] zits all over my legs. Ew. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have zits all over my >> Sam? Here's a challenge for you. Buy some some large shirts instead of the XL.

[00:36:21]It's time. These This is a This is a three, I think. I need a two.

[00:36:26]Get a couple of smaller shirts. You have You probably have some, don't you?

[00:36:31]Yeah, I have some, but that you're rocking?

[00:36:34]I mean, I was rocking that hemp shirt was a 2X, that LL Bean hemp shirt. I have a brown shirt that's 2X.

[00:36:41]That one?

[00:36:42]What? That red one over there? Cuz that fit nice.

[00:36:45]>> That thing? Yeah. Oh, who knows what that is. Mhm.

[00:36:49]Uh but yeah, no, man. I mean, I got a cool thing going on.

[00:36:51]>> Some of them are so big and it is funny that you It's funny to wear a huge shirt.

[00:36:55]>> Well, I'm saying you got a bunch of shirts and you were excited cuz they fit, but then you kept losing weight.

[00:37:02]Whoops. And now I can't buy new ones cuz Emily said, "Hey, don't buy any shirts yet. You're going to lose more weight."

[00:37:08]>> tailored.

[00:37:08]>> And I was, you know, 3 lb down and I was like, "I'm doing this."

[00:37:13]I'm doing my thing.

[00:37:15]>> She was totally right. So, now I'm just stuck in this gear. Mhm. Cuz, you know, really the devil knows I'm dead. Right.

[00:37:22]You got to tread carefully.

[00:37:25]She's She's monitoring your shirt situation.

[00:37:27]>> She's not. She's so nice. She could be a real monster to me.

[00:37:31]>> [gasps] >> Hey Denver, come see me Friday, July 3rd at the Downtown Comedy Works. Tickets available now. And no, Noah won't be performing.

[00:37:43]>> [laughter] >> Grand Rapids, we're there next weekend.

[00:37:49]Austin, Texas at Old Rogy's.

[00:37:51]Uh Syracuse, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Nashville, Huntsville, Naples, Tampa, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Milwaukee, Winnipeg, Cleveland, Indianapolis, St. Louis.

[00:38:01]samtallent.com for tickets. You can get all of your Sam T needs over there.

[00:38:06]Um and also, we have a little Patreon we like to call it. Oh, yeah.

[00:38:11]>> It's not that little, though. 300 episodes. Yeah. It's kind of a big, juicy, meaty kind of a Patreon. It's a big, wet Patreon. We do Q&As. We put episodes back there where maybe we're being a little nasty.

[00:38:26]I mean, I don't think we there [laughter] is we put on the red light on the Patreon, but yeah. Yeah, when when we're being more catty I would say it ends up on the Patreon when we're talking [ __ ] Yep. Inside baseball Oh man.

[00:38:41]>> Uh character maybe a little too wacky for primetime, it's on the Patreon. So yeah, check them out. You know what you should check out?

[00:38:50]Indacloud. Oh yeah.

[00:38:52]>> Sure. Check out the Indacloud product.

[00:38:54]Golly, I eat their their soda shop gummies all the time.

[00:38:58]>> You close it down.

[00:38:59]>> They give you a mop and a bucket.

[00:39:01]>> was a real place, I'd be in there and I'd have squatters rights. They'd have to come and hose me out or let dogs loose.

[00:39:07]>> a book there. Indacloud's a fully legal online cannabis dispensary with everything soda flavored. Oh, that should have been a period. With everything. Soda flavored gummies, zero calorie THC sodas, Babe's pre-rolls flower, even their new THC cereal bite edibles. What the hell, have you had those Becker?

[00:39:25]>> No. Well, why don't we have those?

[00:39:28]>> to get on that right away.

[00:39:29]>> You know what I'm going to get on? Your ass.

[00:39:31]>> [laughter] >> I'm going to ride you around and I'm going to say, "This is my weed pig."

[00:39:37]Eat the pig. Yeah, I really like their stuff. I eat their gummies all the time.

[00:39:42]I think they're 20s. Yeah, I think they're 20 mg. They have different doses, they're really nice.

[00:39:47]>> God, I love their soda shop gummies. But I like their new >> ones. Yeah, they come in the purple one.

[00:39:52]>> Yeah, the L-theanine. Yeah, yeah.

[00:39:55]They're just great. They come in the mail, they're legal, can't get in trouble. The feds can't say, "Hey, we're going to put you in Ruby Ridge and do it over again." [laughter] "Hey, we're taking you to Idaho and we're going to shoot your daughter" or whatever.

[00:40:09]It was bad, man. You know what's not bad? Indacloud.

[00:40:12]And they're not going to shoot your daughter. That was the feds and it was Ruby Ridge. Indacloud had nothing to do with that.

[00:40:17]>> [laughter] >> Maybe if everyone would have got a little more.

[00:40:20]>> if everyone would have been on a little Indacloud up there.

[00:40:23]>> have been dope.

[00:40:24]>> Wouldn't have been so trigger-happy. All right. Maybe they would have played some frisbee. Maybe watched Waiting for Guffman.

[00:40:30]If you're 21 or older and a new customer, go to indacloud.co.

[00:40:35]That's dot co, not dot com, stupid.

[00:40:38]They wrote that in here. Mhm. And use code chubby. Use code chubby for 40% off your first order. Woah. It's indacloud.co, code chubby for 40% off, shipped discreetly to your door.

[00:40:52]Plus free shipping on orders over $50 and free gifts on qualifying orders.

[00:40:56]After you order, fill out the survey.

[00:40:58]Tell them Timothy McVeigh sent you.

[00:41:01]>> Come on.

[00:41:02]>> [laughter] >> We're changing the name of the pod.

[00:41:06]Uh >> Enjoy responsibly and thanks to Indacloud. Not funny, Timmy.

[00:41:13]The pod's new name is Bad Company. Yeah.

[00:41:17]Hey guys.

[00:41:19]Is your ass ready for a TUSHY bidet?

[00:41:21]I'll bet it is.

[00:41:22]>> Get your butt summer ready. Yeah, man.

[00:41:24]>> All right. No more of your wet butt. No more of your butt that looks like a spoon that you just frosted a cake with.

[00:41:29]>> Oh. All right.

[00:41:30]>> No more baboon ass.

[00:41:32]>> [laughter] >> No more spider monkey hole. Okay. TUSHY is the luxury bidet built to improve your butt health. My butt's been lifting.

[00:41:41]>> [laughter] >> My butt's uh you know Naturally.

[00:41:44]>> learning a different language.

[00:41:45]>> Didn't go to Brazil.

[00:41:46]>> No, no, no.

[00:41:48]It couldn't get in uh due to some political statements it made in the '80s.

[00:41:51]>> [laughter] >> TUSHY entails super easily whoops TUSHY installs super easily in 10 minutes and it gets you clean in seconds.

[00:42:01]I'm tired of my butt cleaning process taking so long. I'm in a hurry.

[00:42:06]>> spray your own ass for 10 minutes. Oh, sure, if you want. If if don't want, you can spray it for 15.

[00:42:12]Put it on scald.

[00:42:14]>> [laughter] >> Tushy users also cut their toilet paper usage by up to 80%. That means that's 80% more you can eat.

[00:42:22]>> [laughter] >> Saving money and stress on the backside.

[00:42:25]Personal endorsement, what do you love about Tushy? That you can eat out of my crack. That's what I like. I like to serve sushi in my hole.

[00:42:32]And I say, "Come over, it's clean. I was on the Tushy for hours."

[00:42:35]>> [laughter] >> So, it's legally fine.

[00:42:39]>> Yeah, Emily tried to take a shower this morning and she couldn't cuz I used all the hot water.

[00:42:45]>> [laughter] >> It is on.

[00:42:48]And now, I mean, my tonsils are clean cuz I I was I was on there for such a long time. Your breath is fresh. Yeah.

[00:42:57]I love the Tushy. Uh the worst part about being on the road is not having my whole host.

[00:43:02]>> Going back to the ancient times.

[00:43:04]>> Yes, dude. Using whatever weird towels they have in the bathroom here.

[00:43:08]Cuz the toilet paper sucks so bad. Uh I'm not getting the deposit back.

[00:43:13]Becker's head stinks. So, >> [laughter] >> I would say, if I could They have a portable bidet. Do you know that?

[00:43:20]>> Oh, god. I need to start bringing that with me.

[00:43:22]>> We know a few people, comics, that will bring it on the road. I get it.

[00:43:26]Oh, yeah. I understand bringing it. It's just, you know, I I have so little space.

[00:43:34]And it's easy to travel with. Yeah.

[00:43:37]You put it up your butt. Yeah, you can hide it in your butt.

[00:43:40]>> on it.

[00:43:41]Want to pamper your behind even more?

[00:43:42]Upgrade to Tushy E Bidet. Ooh.

[00:43:47]With a heated seat, adjustable water temperature, and a dryer, you'll never want to leave the bathroom again. Well, that's not a problem for you.

[00:43:56]>> [laughter] >> It would be a problem.

[00:43:58]>> it in there.

[00:43:59]>> I'm already in there enough, but man, that new one, that sounds awesome.

[00:44:02]>> You're going to have squatter's rights in there.

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[00:44:28]I did try and get my suit refitted. Amy was like, "Take your suit in, the one you got at Mr. Albert's." I famously looked like the kingpin in it. It was green with uh gray pinstripes. Yeah. I never got to wear it cuz uh all the weddings were canceled due to uh hantavirus. And then I lost 100 lb.

[00:44:46]So, I went in to I took it in to get tailored.

[00:44:49]And uh the guy was like, "You lost some weight, huh?" And I was like, "Yeah.

[00:44:53]I want to see if you could make this thing wearable." He's like, "Why don't you take it out of the bag, put it on?

[00:44:57]We'll see and see if we can fix it or not."

[00:45:00]>> I unzipped it and he went, "Oh, you don't have to put that on. Here, it's I can't do anything for it.

[00:45:05]You can make it into make it into curtains."

[00:45:08]Or, I mean, it's Detroit. That suit will sell on Facebook Marketplace. There's a market for this suit, if you know what I mean. Nice suit for a big man. Lot of big guys want to look like this guy. So, yeah, get it.

[00:45:21]It's a black guy suit.

[00:45:21]>> Is that what you're going to do? No, I'm just going to hold on to it.

[00:45:24]>> For the inevitable rise.

[00:45:27]>> [laughter] >> For when you get big again.

[00:45:29]>> I'm going 450 next time.

[00:45:30]>> No, don't get big again. It's crazy to see old big Sam. Hey, I'm a little guy. I'm staying little.

[00:45:38]Stay cold.

[00:45:39]>> little. I'm staying cold. I was in a blanket all last night. Yeah. Bundled up.

[00:45:44]>> Yeah. Just a head. James head. No one [clears throat] could tell me no.

[00:45:48]Well, as we watched Four Brothers One of the worst movies ever.

[00:45:53]Well, so many times it's like I don't want to watch something good cuz I want to talk. I want to watch something I've seen, so I know I like it enough. But I not something I've seen a bunch.

[00:46:07]And so and between like what we've seen or and want to see, don't want to see, we have to decide on something. So sometimes it's good to just put something on. Yeah.

[00:46:14]>> Pop it on. We'll figure it out about half hour in that it sucks and well we probably could have moved on.

[00:46:19]>> Andre 3000 can't act. They tried. They tried to give him the ball.

[00:46:23]Also one of the brothers is a guy we've never seen before, even though the other three are household names.

[00:46:30]>> Yeah. Tyrese.

[00:46:32]He was in there. Yeah, the one Wahlberg says it. Wahlberg blasts an N in the movie. Yeah. And no one's upset. He's pretty loose with some gay-slurs, too.

[00:46:40]Oh, he He's brother was molested and he calls him, you know, Yeah, huh. you know, said that he loved it.

[00:46:45]>> Yeah, he's like, "It's your favorite thing that ever happened to you."

[00:46:48]>> [laughter] >> You kept going down He On your birthday they said, "What do you want for your birthday?" and he said, "Get the Get the gardener back in here."

[00:46:54]>> [laughter] >> That one guy. Yeah, I want to eat that guy's cake.

[00:46:57]Uh Becker, I wasn't looking at you and I felt like I was ignoring you, so I've turned around to see you now.

[00:47:01]>> You're fine, you're in the middle, that's how it goes.

[00:47:03]>> The middle is its own thing.

[00:47:05]>> Yeah.

[00:47:06]You know? You're doing your thing.

[00:47:08]>> I'm doing my thing. You won't you can't go back and forth a bunch cuz then you're that's it's an insano Yeah.

[00:47:14]situation. Caught in the blender. You get dizzy. Yep.

[00:47:18]>> I get [ __ ] whiplash. I was dizzy after the show because uh you guys have just been feeding me candy and treats for the last week.

[00:47:27]My sugar is all effed. I'm [ __ ] I'm like my grandma after she gets by the fudge machine.

[00:47:34]Yeah, I'm going to have to just eat like fiber for a couple of days.

[00:47:37]>> Grandma, get away from the fudge machine, please. She'd say, "Oh, lo siento.

[00:47:44]All right, grandma.

[00:47:46]Just be cool. All right?

[00:47:50]Yes, I'm frio.

[00:47:52]All right, grandma, very good.

[00:47:54]Uh now what were What are saying?

[00:47:55]>> ice cold.

[00:47:57]I was saying going to have to just eat like straight up fiber meals for a couple of days.

[00:48:03]It's going to be an all out fiber mission.

[00:48:05]>> Grandma, come on. Oh, you guys don't know si and don't.

[00:48:11]Quisiera más fudge, please? All right, grandma.

[00:48:15]That was my grandma every time there was a fudge machine.

[00:48:17]Or a caramel machine?

[00:48:18]>> fudge machines? Oh, yeah, restaurants.

[00:48:21]Oh, man. We we They used to love to go to Old Country Buffet. My grandma would just like take her hat off and fill it up with caramel.

[00:48:29]>> [laughter] >> And you're like, "Oh, it's good. It's good to eat the fudge." It's not fudge, grandma.

[00:48:35]It's mine.

[00:48:37]Non-Texan.

[00:48:40]That was one of our birthday spots, Old Country Buffet, as kids. Mhm. My grandparents ate slow. We would shove in as fast as possible, blow it.

[00:48:50]They would go slow Mhm. and eat way more than us, you know, they knew what they were doing.

[00:48:55]Oh, yeah. But, um God, yeah, that was God, that was This was 400 people in an Old Country Buffet? Yeah, and my grandma >> they were too big. [laughter] taking her time in there. Did you ever do Furr's?

[00:49:07]Uh I went to Furr's a couple times with my mom's dad.

[00:49:10]>> My great grandma loved Furr's and I loved going there with her. No.

[00:49:14]>> Oh.

[00:49:15]Then no. Furr's Family Dining in Springs, but I think it was like a chain. No, this was uh this was Furr's French Kissing Factory. Yeah, it was a place that you just took people Put on a fur, get molested. My grandpa would go there and French kiss all the ladies.

[00:49:30]>> [laughter] >> I'd have to watch.

[00:49:34]Uh I had to take notes. They had baked apples there and I hadn't had one till I was at Philippe's in LA in probably like 25 years and I forgot how much I loved a baked [ __ ] apple. Baked apples are all right. I like it, too. It's It's mighty fine.

[00:49:48]What comes with it? It's just a cinnamon covered apple just baked to [ __ ] till it's soft and you can eat it with a spoon.

[00:49:55]>> Yeah. All right. Some people can put a scoop of ice cream in there, but a baked apple on its own is a okay. Yeah.

[00:50:01]Yeah, that sounds good. Just cinnamon.

[00:50:03]>> I've been really [ __ ] cranking with the the cola and lime over ice. Oh, yeah. I've been loving a cola and lime over ice after the show.

[00:50:13]Called [ __ ] Amos Otis on stage and then was like, "Otis, let me get a Can I get a uh Coca-Cola over ice with lime?" And he said, "Only if you start calling me Amos again." I was like, "Oh, shit."

[00:50:26]>> [laughter] >> My bad, Amos. I'm sorry, Amos.

[00:50:28]>> Sorry, Milo.

[00:50:30]Called him Otis on stage. I guess he uh broke a broom in half in the back of the room. He's like, "I'm Amos.

[00:50:39]I killed Otis."

[00:50:41]Yeah, Otis was my meconium twin.

[00:50:45]>> [laughter] >> What was it?

[00:50:46]>> Meconium.

[00:50:46]>> Meconium. All right.

[00:50:48]>> Yes. You were You >> have been the meconium that survived.

[00:50:51]>> [laughter] >> The stain that can never be washed.

[00:50:54]>> The oldest. The miscarriage that lived.

[00:50:56]>> The first turd.

[00:50:58]>> [laughter] >> Also, our guest set's name tonight was Randy Miranda, which is not real. Woah.

[00:51:06]>> that's his name. Yeah, that's right.

[00:51:08]>> is. His His first album was called Randy Miranda warning.

[00:51:12]>> So, his real name is Randall Miranda?

[00:51:14]>> His name is No, his his real name is Randall Mirandall.

[00:51:20]Oh, no.

[00:51:22]>> [laughter] >> Oh, no.

[00:51:25]I kept calling him the Randallizer.

[00:51:28]>> [laughter] >> Kristen Rand. He didn't know what was going on.

[00:51:33]>> [laughter] >> Then there Rich Demorest in there looking haunted.

[00:51:37]>> Randy Barnacle. Yeah.

[00:51:40]He's only 2 years in. Rich? Randy.

[00:51:43]>> Oh, Randy, yeah. No, Rich isn't all that. Yeah. I almost said, "Well, then maybe you don't get a guest set on the Sam Talent Show."

[00:51:50]>> Hey, Chuck Klosterman, pump your brakes.

[00:51:52]>> [laughter] >> Why don't you back off? Yeah. What did you Whatever you said, I had to like bite the inside of my mouth. What? When they When he told Lon that he'd only been going for 2 years.

[00:52:03]>> Oh, yeah? Lon went, "Oh, that's good."

[00:52:05]Or like, "That's That's not very long." I forget what [laughter] he said, but it really tickled me deeply. I don't remember. It probably was, "Not very long, huh?"

[00:52:15]>> [laughter] >> Comedy on stage, huh? Well, you earned it.

[00:52:20]The good thing is you earned it.

[00:52:23]You were married to a server.

[00:52:25]That explains it. You You won an egg look-alike contest. All right. He was funny. He was funny, yeah. Some people funny right away. Not me. I took my time. Oh, I was the best ever right away. No, you weren't, but I carried myself like I was. Yeah, you figured it out very quickly. You were funny.

[00:52:45]Becker never really figured it out up there.

[00:52:47]Bailed. That's okay.

[00:52:49]"That's my time," he said.

[00:52:51]>> Yeah.

[00:52:51]>> [laughter] >> After a year and a half, "Thanks, folks.

[00:52:55]That's my time."

[00:52:55]>> "That's my time."

[00:52:57]And Hey, guys.

[00:52:59]>> More comics should do that. There should be less comics. That'd be sick.

[00:53:02]>> going to write for Zach Moss. Woah.

[00:53:05]Pickle jokes.

[00:53:07]What? Pickle jokes. [ __ ] in cowboy's eyes. I don't think I could write to Zach Moss jokes.

[00:53:13]I don't think I have an eye for that.

[00:53:14]Some like Sturgill Simpson songs.

[00:53:16]>> Nobody can. They're all premises for Zach jokes. Yeah.

[00:53:21]Zach's going to be all right. Yeah.

[00:53:23]Eventually. He isn't now. No, he's great.

[00:53:26]>> awesome.

[00:53:28]He's got a new lady. New girlfriend, yeah.

[00:53:31]>> Hot play friend. Per lap.

[00:53:33]>> [sighs] >> She's [snorts] It's She's half of a person. Cut Cut down the middle, she's half. Mhm. One of those accidents. Yeah.

[00:53:42]Crazy accident. Longways. Longways Longways halfling.

[00:53:48]Baby, you got no arms.

[00:53:51]That's a different guitar, comic.

[00:53:53]>> [laughter] >> I wish Bad Time Amanda was here. Aw, man. She'd have something crazy to tell us like >> Yeah.

[00:54:02]a great story about a guy who owns a beef place. Be like Yep.

[00:54:07]Yeah. I don't know. I don't like Al's Beef.

[00:54:10]Yeah? I've never really been there.

[00:54:12]Okay.

[00:54:13]Where is it, Trinidad? It's in Chicago.

[00:54:16]>> Shack town. Yeah.

[00:54:17]>> You got to get down in the shack town.

[00:54:20]God, it was nice to be in Chicago. Yeah.

[00:54:22]Only would have been better if I was there alone. Sure. With a hundred thousand dollars I had to spend in seventy-two hours.

[00:54:30]Where would you go?

[00:54:31]Uh I would go to the top of the Empire State Building.

[00:54:35]And I would uh take everyone up there hostage.

[00:54:39]I'd say I this hundred thousand dollars I need it matched by everyone in this room.

[00:54:46]And everyone would be like, you know, we're a bunch of kids on a field trip.

[00:54:49]We don't have a hundred thousand dollars.

[00:54:52]I'd say, all right. Well, until I get my money, I'm going to take off one layer of clothing every hour on the hour.

[00:54:58]>> [laughter] >> And I'd be I'd just be wearing a sheet, too. So, I'd be like, you have sixty minutes.

[00:55:03]>> [laughter] >> This is a one-piece.

[00:55:05]>> This is a one-piece. And everyone's going to see my thing.

[00:55:09]>> [laughter] >> And then the mayor of Chicago would have to get all the money together. And they drop it off to me. And like they'd bring it on a helicopter.

[00:55:17]And I'd get the money and I'd get away with it. But then when the helicopter took off with me in it as I'm like hanging out the side Mhm. it blows up my sheet. And then all the kids see my penis.

[00:55:26]>> [laughter] >> And then I'd have to go on the registry.

[00:55:29]And I [snorts] can't spend my money.

[00:55:31]That's how you do it. No, I mean that would suck. That's the reality of the situation, though. He writes real stuff.

[00:55:37]>> Probably >> better that you guys were there.

[00:55:38]>> Yeah. Yeah. We keep you safe from your penis being exposed to children, I guess, in a roundabout way. A lot of people I don't want to be in the roundabout. I want to be in the sky.

[00:55:48]Um I don't Shut [laughter] up.

[00:55:54]Don't laugh at that. It's so silly. Uh I Let me finish.

[00:56:00]Want to thank the good people of Chicago for showing up.

[00:56:04]And I just want to let this I want to put this out there. Uh I don't I don't have any copies of Brute to give anybody, all right? So, I'm not selling them. It comes out September 22nd.

[00:56:15]That's when the book is available. I appreciate everyone's enthusiasm, but please quit asking me at the live shows or uh emailing me. One guy called me on the phone. Free book, perhaps? Hey, uh can I has book burger?

[00:56:29]>> [laughter] >> No, you can't. No one can have it unless you're like in show business and you might want to option it or write a blurb. Then you could have it.

[00:56:38]But uh yeah, no.

[00:56:39]>> What if somebody just had a baby? Would you maybe swing by with a copy of Brute?

[00:56:44]I would swaddle the baby in a copy of Brute. And I would serve it up as like a baby in a book kind of taco.

[00:56:50]And then we would take a picture of it.

[00:56:52]Sign the book, sign the baby.

[00:56:54]If the baby can if you can read whatever sticks to the baby, all right? Give 100,000 to the baby.

[00:57:01]>> [snorts] >> Oh, no.

[00:57:03]>> Pre-order link in the description.

[00:57:05]There's not a better place to buy it from anymore to support Just support your local bookstore.

[00:57:10]>> Local bookstore be sick. You can even get it on Amazon if you want it day of, or local bookstore if you want to get it day of. Schuler's Books if you want a signed copy. I'll be signing a million copies through Schuler's Books in like West Bloomfield, Michigan.

[00:57:22]Nice. Yeah.

[00:57:24]Yeah, I just don't have any copies to give anybody, so you can save your breath, buddy. Yeah. I'm sorry.

[00:57:30]But man, Chicago, Lincoln Park, top three parks, I think. [ __ ] yeah. Free zoo in the middle. God, just stumbling into a free zoo, that's what it's all about, man.

[00:57:40]Whoops, I'm in a zoo.

[00:57:41]>> [laughter] >> Oh yeah, that was all right, except you don't want to bowl over a little kid. There were a lot of tiny kids.

[00:57:49]They don't know what a lion is. Yeah.

[00:57:52]They're they're learning about big lions, which is cool.

[00:57:55]Yeah, the lion had big nads. Rocking nads. Hmm.

[00:58:00]Got a lion.

[00:58:02]Such a bummer to see.

[00:58:04]Yeah.

[00:58:04]>> That wasn't a big I don't know if they're a rescue, either. If like the Denver Zoo's all uh busted up, broken animals they can't be in the wild.

[00:58:15]That's Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. Uh and I don't know how many zoos are like that. More and more of them, I think.

[00:58:21]Mhm. So, that's good. But, yeah, I'm not sure about uh the Lincoln Park Zoo. I bet they got them like off a truck. I bet all those animals, you know, don't have their tax stamps on them, if you know what I mean.

[00:58:34]Yeah.

[00:58:35]>> That whole city's mafia owned. Hmm. From the zoo to the hot dog carts to the uh New Balance store. Sometimes they have to rescue the big cats that have been domesticated cuz they can't put them back.

[00:58:48]Yeah. So, like that could be That's what the Rockies did in the expansion draft.

[00:58:52]Oh. Mhm.

[00:58:56]Rescue the big cat. Got you. Oh, [ __ ] Andres Galarraga. Thank you.

[00:59:02]Vinny Castilla.

[00:59:04]Dante Bichette.

[00:59:06]Andres Galarraga.

[00:59:08]And Andres Galarraga. No, no.

[00:59:12]>> [laughter] >> He's a different Blake Street Bomber.

[00:59:15]He's had some tough sets down there.

[00:59:17]>> [laughter] >> Was it a Matt? Who was the fourth one?

[00:59:22]Larry Walker.

[00:59:23]>> Larry Walker. Thank you.

[00:59:26]Larry Walker, yeah. Scott, those those guys really they meant a lot to the Rockies. Too bad the Rockies haven't won a game since.

[00:59:32]Yeah.

[00:59:33]Now they're being run into the ground seemingly on purpose. Take them away.

[00:59:37]No, they they started they've started out okay. Take them away. Some of the Bronco owners some of the the conglomerate of Bronco owners bought it. Hopefully it was Peyton Manning.

[00:59:49]>> I'm not sure. Maybe Peyton Roddy bought it. So it's not it's not >> [clears throat] >> the same owner's wife anymore.

[00:59:56]No, it's like a whole There's a whole crew. Good. Cuz when that got explained to me, that was like, how is that allowed?

[01:00:04]That a woman could own a team? No, it was like another major team owner's wife owned the team, which is like having your house in your mom's name when you're a drug dealer.

[01:00:13]>> Kroenke Sports? Sure. I don't know who.

[01:00:16]>> Sports also owns the uh Rams, I think.

[01:00:20]Or is it the Seahawks? No one's really sure.

[01:00:23]And another baseball team. Another baseball team. Mhm. I think the Los Angeles Galaxy and a lot of weird stuff that turned out the Rockies turned out really good for that baseball team. Mhm. Uh I'm not sure about any of that. And one family owned both. Damn. But through different members of the family.

[01:00:41]And it seemed like they were just like buying a sacrifice to Team stays in family. So that would make sense cuz if it got to the point where like somebody explained it to me, that means it was explained to everyone.

[01:00:52]Denver is a baseball city. We've always been a baseball you might have been like, you have to diversify your ownership here.

[01:01:00]Somebody has to be willing to say like, you're going to lose me money, idiot.

[01:01:03]Oh, yeah. Maybe that's why the Bronco people got involved.

[01:01:07]>> right? Man loving boys?

[01:01:10]>> [laughter] >> Thank you.

[01:01:12]That's right. Well, someone had to say something funny.

[01:01:15]Good call.

[01:01:16]No, Becker.

[01:01:17]Obviously, we joke around.

[01:01:22]Sure.

[01:01:23]>> Uh-huh. You know. Yep. We do. We do.

[01:01:25]>> around. We joke around.

[01:01:28]We jump [laughter] around.

[01:01:30]That's all I can really say on the matter.

[01:01:31]>> We've had too many cookies this week to have thoughts.

[01:01:35]No. I have.

[01:01:37]Well, no one really expects you to do much on the pod, you know. Maybe you saw a cool car or >> cars, but I don't remember what they were.

[01:01:44]>> You ate a dozen of something.

[01:01:46]You ate a bunch of tiny little [ __ ] What were those things called ice cream cones yesterday? Those were a [ __ ] joke. I ate 4 ft of sub yesterday.

[01:01:55]>> are so stupid. Also, that sub, man, they think they I think you got sold a bill of goods on the sub. Yeah, I I understand that you don't like cured meats as much as I do, the way I don't like tendon and wouldn't appreciate it.

[01:02:07]>> No, but I mean 3 ft of that Yeah, it was great. The bread was good.

[01:02:12]>> Great, you're holding the line on that?

[01:02:14]>> Yeah. How about 2 ft of that and then a foot of something else? Well, I had That's preferable. I had two I guess I had 3 ft of sub. I had 2 ft of that and a foot of chicken cutlet.

[01:02:25]Chicken cutlet, okay. All right, that that makes me happy.

[01:02:28]>> heard about the chicken cutlet.

[01:02:29]>> Yeah, the chicken cutlet surfaces.

[01:02:31]>> That's the one I ate in the back. Mhm.

[01:02:32]Um, back seat of the car. It was my fourth foot, secret foot of sub.

[01:02:36]>> reason you didn't want us to know you were eating a foot of your sandwich in the back of the car.

[01:02:40]>> No, I didn't think it was like a secret.

[01:02:42]I opened it >> it quietly and you didn't chew.

[01:02:45]>> I chewed. No.

[01:02:46]>> I chewed.

[01:02:47]>> your teeth out and gummed.

[01:02:48]>> a chewy cutlet.

[01:02:49]>> No, you ate it like a snake swallowing a rat. No.

[01:02:53]I didn't think it was a secret at all. I had a giant piece of paper >> say, "Hey, I'm eating a sandwich back here." Or "Boy, this sandwich is pretty good."

[01:03:01]>> Yeah, once You unwrapped it like you were defusing a bomb and then, like I said, ate it with your lips and tongue only.

[01:03:08]>> eating on a piece of paper on my lap and a sauce situation happened pretty much immediately, so it became like a ticking bomb in my hands that I had to handle.

[01:03:17]I mean, we're usually pretty good about knowing what's going on in the backseat, who's eating a footlong sub.

[01:03:21]>> [laughter] >> You escaped all of my matrixes. Uh-huh.

[01:03:25]Yeah. You didn't trigger any of my alarms.

[01:03:28]>> I'm pretty good at eating a sub with nobody knowing.

[01:03:32]A tree in the tree falls in the forest, Becker's there eating a sandwich.

[01:03:38]Not making a sound. We went and saw Lund's spot. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we didn't talk about that.

[01:03:43]>> Lund, tell them about it. We went to Evergreen Park and it was nice.

[01:03:48]I was instantly like 10 years old again riding a bike.

[01:03:53]I told Did we talk on the pod about me watching my friend's dog get hit by a car, Max? I think we did. That was on the pod. Probably, yeah. So, yeah, we didn't go by that I mean, we were right by that area cuz we were in my neighborhood. I was glad that it hadn't like gone to [ __ ] Like it was very much preserved, I think. Like it still looked nice. It always looked nice.

[01:04:15]There's still trees. Like a bunch of the old like hardware stores and [ __ ] are still there with their old signs. It's They're not all banks and [ __ ] Popeyes.

[01:04:24]So, that's good. Yeah, there wasn't any like spray paint stores.

[01:04:29]Uh there wasn't any like, you know, flags that are just insignias. There's only one uh house that was boarded up.

[01:04:37]It seemed like most of the rest of them were good.

[01:04:39]>> That's because a chimo lived there. It was funny, too. The city took it into their own >> That's where Pennywise lived. Uh They It was funny to stop in front of our house and then, you know, it's just these three guys that are like menacing the block.

[01:04:52]And like I wish we could have Becker was hitting a billy club into his palm.

[01:04:56]There was uh uh van parked right in front of my home, which made me think that someone was in there. And I didn't want to freak anybody out or bug anyone.

[01:05:08]And I definitely didn't want to tell somebody that lived there, "Oh, I grew up there." because I grew up in Evergreen Park or outside Chicago. They could hit you with a "Who cares?" or like "Not my problem." or whatever.

[01:05:19]>> from my daughter.

[01:05:21]>> come in here, which would be insane.

[01:05:23]It's not like people at the church, "Oh, can I Can I walk Can I Can I check it out?" I wasn't going to do that. Could have answered some questions, you know, if they saw you know, you, they'd be like, "Oh, that's why the floor is dented.

[01:05:36]>> [laughter] >> That's why the toilet's on the ceiling."

[01:05:38]>> my secret secret M&M's there.

[01:05:42]Cuz I forgot where it was. [laughter] That's why good on you.

[01:05:44]>> your CD. If you haven't found it yet, we could split it.

[01:05:48]>> It's the Slim Shady LP. I'll show you.

[01:05:51]>> [laughter] [clears throat] >> Uh but yeah, that I'm glad that we went down there because I hadn't gone down there in a long time and it was nice uh to see the house and my elementary school is still the same and uh and then we went to Pop's, which I've talked about plenty of times.

[01:06:11]>> Are you the boy who made the Jim Belushi shrine in the garage?

[01:06:15]That was me, man. Jim [laughter] Belushi, yep. Curly Sue just came out.

[01:06:19]It was huge.

[01:06:21]>> [laughter] >> I don't know if you remember K-9. Oh, yeah.

[01:06:24]>> I gave it a K-9 and a half stars in the school newspaper.

[01:06:28]>> [laughter] >> Uh yeah, that that worked out all right.

[01:06:32]Uh Pop's >> to go see all that. Yeah, Pop's was good. You guys kept just getting hot dogs, which I understand. Oh, yeah. Mhm.

[01:06:40]I wanted a specific sandwich, the Italian steak sandwich, cuz my dad would get that. Mhm. And sometimes >> we'd get a taste.

[01:06:46]>> Yeah, he You could watch him eat it if we were good. Or if he passed out.

[01:06:51]>> [laughter] >> He never passed out and we got to eat his sub.

[01:06:54]He'd either finish it or he would share it.

[01:06:58]>> throw on the floor.

[01:06:59]>> Right.

[01:07:00]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, no.

[01:07:02]For dramatic purposes, yeah.

[01:07:04]>> [snorts] >> We'd have to save him from asphyxiating on it and then we try to eat it and sometimes he'd still He'd wake up and >> to eat that tomorrow. He's just swinging. [laughter] Just swinging backwards at us.

[01:07:17]Just half-assed.

[01:07:18]>> [laughter] >> And then yeah, if he had it as a pillow, we could usually wiggle it free. Yeah.

[01:07:24]Uh And we ate there sometimes, but it was definitely not I don't know. He was the only one who was allowed to get the Italian beef.

[01:07:32]>> We got kicked out.

[01:07:33]What was it called? The Italian slimer?

[01:07:35]Italian steak.

[01:07:36]>> Italian steak, yes. And it was like a meatloaf situation kind of.

[01:07:40]>> so. I don't know what it was. Well, it wasn't a hamburger patty and it wasn't a steak. It was a ground something that was It was ground beef that was reformulated.

[01:07:48]>> a cutlet, steak cutlet.

[01:07:49]>> Yeah, something. Cheap steak that was hammered into a steak shape, cut into a or in cut into a long patty. Yeah. I think a man wearing cleats just stepped on it a bunch, but tenderized.

[01:08:01]>> Yeah.

[01:08:01]I could see how it'd be good mil- sanitized.

[01:08:03]>> breaded.

[01:08:05]Yeah, breaded would be more like a Milanese, I think. So.

[01:08:08]>> total Milanese and the breaded might have been too much. Yeah.

[01:08:12]Uh but yeah, that was a nice day and uh It's funny to see to to be reminded how close we were to the city cuz it we were we were just riding around on bikes.

[01:08:25]So, we didn't go downtown much except for like on field trips.

[01:08:30]Mhm. So, then to be in a car and be like, "God, we were just 20 minutes away." And I would have figured that out junior high and high school. If I would have stayed, it would have been cool to uh have access to Chicago.

[01:08:41]>> You're too young. You're just a little boy wearing a Horace Grant jersey.

[01:08:45]>> My whole world was just a few blocks and like three parks and one mall.

[01:08:49]>> Mhm.

[01:08:50]And oh yeah, yeah.

[01:08:51]>> house was burnt down? No, no. I think uh >> it was a portal to hell? I think that one of the toilets was wrecked and then >> out. They [laughter] ruined They it ruined the rest of the house and like spread.

[01:09:06]I guess uh yeah, maybe from me, maybe from someone else.

[01:09:11]Who knows? The guy the building inspector died mysteriously.

[01:09:15]So we'll never know. He found a pair of little boys underwear. Don't think it was my fault. It shocked him to his core.

[01:09:21]>> [laughter] >> Electrified him.

[01:09:25]These are the biggest underwear I've ever seen.

[01:09:28]Who do these belong to? Luke Longley?

[01:09:31]>> [laughter] >> No, no, that was the that Lund kid.

[01:09:36]>> [laughter] >> Oh, is he like 28? No, he was 11.