AFTER EARTH - Movie Roast

Added: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]It's a planet so mean, a planet so dangerous, a planet so hostile to humans that when they're forced to crash land, it tries to kill them before they even touch the ground.

[00:00:18]>> Come here, homie.

[00:00:33]Hey everyone, less than a month left before my night of sitdown comedy back in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge. We sold out before. Let's do it again. Get your tickets by going to double toast at chicago.com or scan the QR code right there and I'll see you soon. Man, y'all y'all picked a special one on this. I know. I always say, uh, that was hard that I know what to do with that. But we made something out of it. Man, this movie that y'all voted for this week was a challenge.

[00:01:04]>> Boy, y'all y'all had >> y'all you you know you I had my work out for me on this one. You because >> Doom was bad.

[00:01:12]>> Yeah. No, then Doom was all right. When I when I got into it, you know, about 10 minutes in, I'm like, "Oh, we going to be all right." And I got about an hour to this. I like I don't know what we going to do.

[00:01:21]OH MY GOD.

[00:01:21]>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

[00:01:22]>> YEAH. NO, I'm You know, listen, sometimes sometimes it's it's when you're when you're sometimes when you're just okay or you're mediocre, then you're awful.

[00:01:37]>> Sometimes it sometimes it pays to just be bad.

[00:01:39]>> Right. Right. Yeah. If you're going to be bad, go all the way.

[00:01:42]>> If sometimes it people with this movie that we doing here tonight, sometimes it just pays to just be awful. At least you'll be remembered for that. Offer will get you a cult following.

[00:01:52]>> Offer will actually get you fans. Yeah.

[00:01:54]>> Just being middle of the road and just, you know, mediocre or just kind of bad and you don't remember that. No. No.

[00:02:03]What you remember from this movie is that it's nepotism the movie.

[00:02:07]>> There's all the Nepo babies, but a lot of them are like, well, they actually are talented. And this is one where like, okay, this is the downside of that.

[00:02:14]>> Well, also boring.

[00:02:17]>> Yeah. If you just man, it's it that's the key word right there. Sometimes it's better to just be bad instead of boring.

[00:02:24]People remember bad. People often sometimes respect bad. Bad will get you a following. Bad will get you fans. Bad will get you screenings later on down the down the line. Oh, I man I I watched that I was a kid and I loved it. Yeah.

[00:02:38]>> Boy, boring.

[00:02:40]>> Sometimes people just leave halfway through your [ __ ] don't and forget you ever existed.

[00:02:44]>> Existed.

[00:02:44]>> Yeah. You just like like if like if uh you know boring was a soul in the afterworld, it would just disappear.

[00:02:50]Nobody remembers me.

[00:02:53]>> You'll just be in purgatory. Just disappear.

[00:02:55]>> Right. Right. You ain't good enough to get to heaven. You ain't bad enough to get to hell.

[00:02:58]>> Yeah. We don't know what to do with you right now. Just chill right there. Just chill.

[00:03:02]>> And that is the movie that we have here tonight. Boy, y'all really gave me I don't know what y'all were thinking, but y'all this goes down in history as at this point right now the most boring film that I've ever had to go in and make a roast out of.

[00:03:17]>> This is not training.

[00:03:21]Everything on this planet has evolved.

[00:03:23]>> Even the narration is boring for this trailer right here.

[00:03:26]>> This might right.

[00:03:27]>> This is might shy. This is after a string of bad movies. I I saw >> I saw one one one review for this. They didn't even waste no time. They said another silly film from Might Shyamalan.

[00:03:38]>> Well, this is the one was famously they didn't even market that he directed it.

[00:03:42]Remember, they just market they marketed as a Will Smith movie. They never say his name once in the TV spots or the trailers.

[00:03:48]>> And I'm going to tell you, man, this is one of those movies where it's not terrible. I've seen much worse. Some parts of it I was looking I was like, okay, but it's boring and I can't do nothing with boring.

[00:04:04]What the hell am I supposed to do with this? Or can I? I didn't I You know what I said? If I ever felt like I couldn't do something, I will put my hands up and I will and and hours before we we get to it, I'll be like, "You know what, y'all?

[00:04:17]I couldn't do it." But today is not that day. We'll see. You be the judge. You be the judge.

[00:04:24]>> Shut the camera off. It is that day.

[00:04:26]That's wrong.

[00:04:28]>> That old build up that is today. See you.

[00:04:34]bottom.

[00:04:36]>> And today is that day. Okay, COOL, MAN.

[00:04:40]>> I wouldn't k you know, >> come out everybody.

[00:04:50]>> Yeah, I tried.

[00:04:51]>> I wonder what you were doing. You got quiet for a second. Do something over there.

[00:04:55]>> But let's let's see what Let's see what happens.

[00:04:57]>> I got faith in you, man. You did something.

[00:04:58]>> Let's see what we can do, man. I think we because you know the thing is to to when you find something it's not a matter of finding the craziest stuff all the time. It's a matter of finding sometimes why did something fail? Why did this why was this so bad? Why was this something where you had all the right things and still somehow some kind of way it bombed, it flopped. It became and this movie is known for being you know a bad film but that's what we're going to examine right here. If it's not that terrible, then why is it considered to be one of the worst films out there that Will Smith has ever done in M Night Shyamalan? Well, uh, first of all, let's get into this story.

[00:05:39]>> So, this opens up with little Will Jaden.

[00:05:44]>> Yeah, >> Jaden Smith. That's what this That's what this is about.

[00:05:47]>> Yeah, this is about Jaden Smith. He plays a kid named Katy and uh he is the uh son of a highly decorated soldier.

[00:05:55]And on their way to a a mission off their planet, cuz they had to find a new planet to live on, uh they crash land and this boy is the only survivor and he has to depend on his dad guiding him on this hostile planet that they crash landed on to somehow find a certain thing that will help them survive. And so the movie opens up though, opens up with Lil Jaden who plays Katy. Uh he's narrating the setup here and man this this is the beginning of the movie and this thing is they >> it's just a jumble of of ideas.

[00:06:33]>> He speeds through about two or three different movies >> while he's doing the opening the the opening monologue and exposition here, man. And and let me just say those two or three movies that he's speeding through are probably better than the one we watching.

[00:06:44]>> Sure. And then you say but >> don't worry about that what we gonna focus on.

[00:06:51]>> Yeah, man.

[00:06:52]You know, even though we jumping all over the place, you know, those movies are probably better because it starts with the with the old cliche, humans ruined Earth.

[00:07:02]>> Paradise it up.

[00:07:04]>> Yeah.

[00:07:04]>> Yeah. Exactly. Showing old B-roll of >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:07:09]Yeah. Flood.

[00:07:10]>> Yeah. That flood had nothing to do with hums, man. He ain't even the same film brain as she shows WORLD WAR II.

[00:07:24]>> WE [ __ ] up the world.

[00:07:25]>> Yeah. So they went to CBS, NBC.

[00:07:27]>> Yeah.

[00:07:29]>> ABC got all this footage of all this B-roll though of human destruction.

[00:07:35]>> Yeah. Look at this tornado that humans cause.

[00:07:38]>> That's world, man.

[00:07:40]>> All this little generic ass bro one day.

[00:07:46]>> Yeah. So, so since we, you know, messed up the earth with B-roll right here, >> we uh we had to move to another planet.

[00:07:55]>> All right. Now, keep in mind, we just got through talking about we blew up Earth or we destroyed Earth, polluted Earth or whatever. Uh so, after uh after polluting the Earth and moving to another planet, the aliens attack.

[00:08:08]>> WHAT [ __ ] YOU THE ALIENS ATTACK? The aliens released the Ursa >> monsters.

[00:08:16]>> Monster.

[00:08:17]>> He talking like me.

[00:08:20]>> Monsters.

[00:08:20]>> [ __ ] Wait. The same aliens from Independence Day that followed Will to the next planet he went to. MY NO. THAT THAT would be an explanation.

[00:08:28]>> Wait. HOLD ON A SECOND. GODDAMN IT. YOU JUST HOLD ONE GODDAMN MINUTE.

[00:08:34]>> WE JUST NO, I'M NOT LYING. THIS IS ALL THIS IS ALL ONE LONG NARRATION.

[00:08:39]WE WENT FROM WE POLLUTED the earth, our paradise to and we had to find another planet. THEN THE ALIENS ATTACKED. WHAT ALIENS? The aliens.

[00:08:47]>> The aliens released the Ursa >> monsters to kill humans.

[00:08:53]>> Yeah, they just Yeah, aliens got monsters.

[00:08:55]>> Yeah, let me tell you.

[00:08:57]>> THAT'S ALL WE KNOW.

[00:08:58]>> Aliens got monsters and uh and and uh suddenly they they attack. No, no, they don't.

[00:09:05]>> If we're on their planet, are they the aliens?

[00:09:09]>> I'm sorry. That would be an explanation questions. I'm I'm sorry.

[00:09:12]>> Cuz at first I went back to try I look No, that's valid. Cuz I said, "Oh [ __ ] we the colonizers. Let me go back and see." I was like, "No, don't explain nothing, man. We don't know. We don't know what the aliens are. We invaded their home. Are their neighbors? Are they just assholes?"

[00:09:24]>> Right. But it's Oh, they're they're attacking us. Yeah, cuz we on their [ __ ] >> But that's not it.

[00:09:31]>> They just said the aliens attacked.

[00:09:33]That's it. Okay. They Yeah, they they don't explain who or what the aliens are. Don't explain why they're attacking and it don't matter.

[00:09:44]>> You know what you need to know about these monsters that they attacking with monsters?

[00:09:49]>> Uh you just need to know that they got monsters and and they have a stupid explanation for them.

[00:09:54]>> Okay.

[00:09:54]>> So they the the this is something that happened and [ __ ] Another Might >> Sean. I was going to say this. That's what it sounds like with this no acting.

[00:10:02]Oh, well more than that. So, the trees put out furmones in the happening, right?

[00:10:07]>> This man is midnight Shyamalan is is obsessed with furmones. Yeah.

[00:10:12]>> Because the aliens, they can smell our our our furmones when we're under anxiety. So, in other words, >> they literally smell our fear.

[00:10:23]>> So, so, so all them dudes running got fear boners. Yeah.

[00:10:29]Like a [ __ ] >> They They got They probably farting and >> I know. Yeah.

[00:10:34]>> Y'all ever get scared and get fear farts? You know, you be you be nervous and be >> Well, I forgot about this. This is a jumble of of ideas just throwing.

[00:10:42]>> And Martin, this is this is not even I always say this. This is This is 30 seconds in. 30 seconds in, we already blew to Earth, left, found a new planet.

[00:10:51]The aliens attacked all the >> They got monsters that can smell your fear farts. In in the writer room, they threw out a bunch of ideas and they just said yes, yes, and yes.

[00:11:03]>> No, Martin, do you mean might Shyamala?

[00:11:06]>> What rules?

[00:11:07]>> That's right. Sorry.

[00:11:07]>> What writer's rule? You talking about Might Shyamala's bedroom?

[00:11:10]>> Yeah. He said, man, everything I think of.

[00:11:12]>> So, in other words, yes >> to everything.

[00:11:16]>> Should remember this still when he had Carl Blanch.

[00:11:18]>> Mhm.

[00:11:19]>> For some reason, they still thought he was a genius, >> right? He said, "If I came up with it, it's genius. He's the next. He's He's the brown Spielberg.

[00:11:27]And the aliens, they they they they they generate more fear cuz they lynch DUDES OUT.

[00:11:33]>> OH [ __ ] MAN. HANG THEM HIGH, BOY.

[00:11:35]GODAMN.

[00:11:36]>> And these are monsters THAT DID THAT.

[00:11:38]>> DAMN. THEY DECORATED LIKE a ornament on it.

[00:11:44]>> Yeah, bro. Hey, man. Get that one on the top there.

[00:11:48]>> Christmas star.

[00:11:50]>> I'm sorry. At least you on top, man.

[00:11:53]>> We can't put two on the same bridge.

[00:11:54]That just looks dumb.

[00:11:57]>> Little sad ass street with dead bodies.

[00:12:00]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:12:02]>> But >> oh, in the distance.

[00:12:04]>> But not to worry about these these these monsters that smell your fear farts and lent you to a tree, make it look like a Christmas ornament. We uh we got Big Willie. And uh Big Willie is uh the best soldier in the galaxy. He is so tough that even his even his his name is badass and also stupid. It's cipher rage.

[00:12:28]>> No. No, it's not.

[00:12:30]>> Oh, but rage was is with a I. So, >> no.

[00:12:33]>> How do you spell rage? R A I G E.

[00:12:36]>> Well, that's how you spell his rage.

[00:12:38]>> Yeah.

[00:12:38]>> Yeah. Cipher R. He is >> branding. I guess he he is so bad that while other soldiers are fighting frantically for their lives in the middle of battle and shooting guns, my man walks out there with a with a damn Darth Maul double-edged sword and just and just just strolls through the fight like he's taking a walk in the park.

[00:13:00]>> And that answer came in the form of the prime command of Syra, the original ghost.

[00:13:06]>> What' you say?

[00:13:07]>> And my look at my man boy and my man's just chilling.

[00:13:11]>> Yep. My man just chilling like he walking through the park like it like like it's just another beautiful day. He he should be walking a dog and have a ice cream and other hand.

[00:13:19]>> Well, you know, it reminds me of when he played Hancock where he was invincible walking like that through fights. But you're not doing that right here.

[00:13:25]>> And why is he so easygoing? Why is he just walking through battle like a walk in the park?

[00:13:30]>> Because he ain't no [ __ ] like the rest of these soldiers out here.

[00:13:34]>> He's believed to be so completely free of fear that to an Ursa, he is invisible. I'm sorry. Does Does Katai does he have a speech impediment?

[00:13:44]>> So Sophie Aua, >> do you hear that? Like like like I mean I know kids like us the way they can't pronounce their Rs. That sounds like what he's got going on.

[00:13:53]>> I I don't know what's going on.

[00:13:54]>> I mean I don't want to make fun of his speech impediment. I'm just trying to get clarification.

[00:13:57]>> One thing you understand is everybody got a speech problem in here. I'm going to tell you I'm I would clarify that a little later.

[00:14:03]>> I read the trailer, but he's overdoing it, man. Cuz I can't see what he Don't let him narrow it if you can't what's going on there.

[00:14:09]>> Yeah. Yeah, man. I think before you act, you need to take some diction classes.

[00:14:11]>> Yeah, that fool might as well be saying sucker been sucker.

[00:14:13]>> Yeah, for real. That's that's my dad.

[00:14:16]>> Yeah, he got a he got a whole uh Elma Fud thing going on there.

[00:14:19]>> That's my dad, Will Smith.

[00:14:22]>> And whole sniper rage is played by Will Smith. Academy Awardw winning Will Smith. That's right.

[00:14:28]>> The guy who who slaps people while winning his award.

[00:14:33]This man is so badass that soldiers who ain't even got a leg say, "Let me stand up and salute this man."

[00:14:39]>> Stand me up.

[00:14:46]>> Stand up.

[00:14:50]>> Hey man, you ain't got to do that. You ain't got this is not good for you.

[00:14:53]Let's just sit back down.

[00:14:55]>> Okay. Put back in the chair.

[00:14:58]>> Yeah.

[00:14:58]>> No, sir. I want to No, no, no. Academy Awards slapping a shot at you. Will Smith is playing this role right here.

[00:15:05]So this, you know, this is going TO BE GOOD. NO. NO, IT'S NOT, MAN. He The funny thing about this this dude who is one of the biggest stars in Hollywood at that time and is also the biggest badass in this movie. He's one of the main things that brings this movie down.

[00:15:22]>> Oh yeah.

[00:15:23]>> Yes. Look, man, for a character whose whose last name is is is rage, which was very appropriate for the Academy Awards.

[00:15:30]>> I know. Damn.

[00:15:34]>> Well, maybe it's an ironic name like like you know, you call a big guy tiny.

[00:15:39]>> Yes, Martin. It is very ironic. It is very ironic, Martin, because for a character whose last name pretty much means highly emotional, >> he's got no emotion in this movie, right?

[00:15:51]>> None. his first actual scene. He walks into the room with no expression. He's like a He walks in like a serial killer who's wearing a Will Smith mask.

[00:16:04]>> Tight ass white outfit.

[00:16:05]>> Yeah. It's like a Michael Myers at a Will Smith mask.

[00:16:12]>> I love that Will Shatner with that fool's like the Willbot 3000 walk.

[00:16:17]>> YEAH, IT IS.

[00:16:18]>> THAT FOOL WALKED IN WITH LOOK AT HIS NO STRETCH ON HIS FACE AT ALL. just that high ta fade.

[00:16:27]>> He looks like he's trying not to make anything. Like it's like he's he's working hard to be expression, >> man. Even when he goes in and hugs his wife, who he hasn't seen for months, he still got no emotion.

[00:16:37]>> Look, watch this. Look, man. He looks Now, this is the This is the look of the serial killer who stabs her.

[00:16:43]>> Yeah.

[00:16:44]>> Or chokes her out right now. Or he was told by his commanding officer, "You have to go in there. You have to hug your wife." Am I doing it right?

[00:16:52]>> Or or somebody was on the road.

[00:16:55]>> YEAH.

[00:16:57]LIKE I hope I don't sound like nothing with a dude like he didn't at all.

[00:17:02]>> YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

[00:17:03]>> HOW DO I tell her I'm gay?

[00:17:05]>> I had a great time fishing with old Jack.

[00:17:07]>> I hate this part.

[00:17:10]>> Some some old broke BACK MOUNTAIN [ __ ] >> YEAH. I WAS FISHING WITH JACK.

[00:17:14]>> Brokeback Mountain Space.

[00:17:15]>> Yeah. Space.

[00:17:16]>> Brokeback planet.

[00:17:17]>> Take some. She knows too cuz she's wrapping all around him. Exactly. She knows. They always know.

[00:17:24]>> Yeah.

[00:17:26]>> Don't hug me, baby. Come on.

[00:17:28]>> It's the worst part of going home. I got to hug you, man.

[00:17:31]>> I love you.

[00:17:32]>> That's all right. I can hug enough for the two of us.

[00:17:41]>> Oh, wo is me. I know.

[00:17:44]>> So, >> one Mississippi, two Mississippi. Got to make it >> your cies.

[00:17:57]>> Exactly. Come on. Think about Larry.

[00:18:01]>> Larry.

[00:18:03]>> Always go to Larry.

[00:18:04]>> LARRY. YOU sure do. I actually said where the names from there. Larry.

[00:18:11]>> It's elusive. Larry.

[00:18:12]>> Keep my name out of your mouth.

[00:18:15]Slam. Every time I throw a name down, for some reason it's Larry. I don't know why Larry going to come in here.

[00:18:21]>> That's what I'm saying.

[00:18:21]>> All right. God, that's enough.

[00:18:23]>> Keep my name out.

[00:18:27]>> Oh, Larry.

[00:18:28]>> Whoever Larry is not the last of Larry.

[00:18:32]>> We'll know when he gets here.

[00:18:34]>> Uh, and boy, don't don't let Will talk, man.

[00:18:36]>> Oh, boy.

[00:18:37]>> Cuz he gets into a conversation with with Jaden Katy. G Jake J. Katy wants to prove himself to his dad. So he's he's uh he's overachieving and everything.

[00:18:47]He's trying to be a ranger and everything like he's ain't no race, but he's being an [ __ ] running in front of everybody and everything and and still flunked OUT TO SOME. YEAH, YOU'RE doing all that. It's like everybody else knows how to pace himself, >> right? Right. He's overdoing it, right?

[00:19:00]>> Yeah. They're like, you ain't ready. So, you know, this should make for some great dramatic dialogue between father and son. But you get a scene with those two and it's like it's like two robots talking to each other. And I use robots, you know, uh gen generously because robots got AI today. It's like putting damn two calculators next to each other.

[00:19:25]>> Advanced to ranger.

[00:19:29]>> You were not advanced to ranger.

[00:19:32]>> I was not advanced to ranger, sir.

[00:19:36]>> Sir, >> he cannot pronounce those Rs. But man, you ain't lying. These are two >> That pause was painfully long, too.

[00:19:44]>> Two two old computers talking.

[00:19:46]>> Two old machines talking to each other.

[00:19:48]>> Two Tandy 1000.

[00:19:49]>> I was not advanced to Ranger.

[00:19:54]>> You were not advanced to Ranger.

[00:19:57]>> I was not advanced to Ranger, sir.

[00:20:01]>> Mom is like, I got to get out of here.

[00:20:03]>> Yeah. Yeah. I can't do this.

[00:20:05]>> You know what?

[00:20:06]>> I can't do this. Just how I know that he's not into this anymore. He got normal when he get home. Don't mother's family no more.

[00:20:14]>> They they replaced you with a robot, didn't they?

[00:20:16]>> It's almost like he's like, "I know the ranger." He listen, don't make me have to talk to you.

[00:20:25]>> That's uh that's how you're going to deliver that line, huh?

[00:20:29]>> So, you going to do it just like that with you?

[00:20:33]>> I vouch for you.

[00:20:33]>> Meanwhile, she like, "You know what? I'm not even here, y'all. Let me just [ __ ] Hey, my day went well.

[00:20:40]>> Shut up, [ __ ] >> No, that's too much emotion. You're right.

[00:20:44]>> Shut up, [ __ ] >> Yes, mom. Mind your business? Like say with two pod people in Is talking again?

[00:20:52]Yes, I believe so.

[00:20:53]>> I believe so.

[00:20:54]>> Is that Sophia Cano?

[00:20:55]>> Yeah.

[00:20:56]>> So, now there is one moment here where my man shows emotion. is probably it's probably the the most realistic moment in the movie because he does that black daddy don't disrespect me boy thing.

[00:21:12]>> Yeah. He Yeah. You know one thing black daddies don't like is they don't like to be disrespected and they will yell at your ass if they feel like you were even disrespecting him a little bit.

[00:21:21]>> I'm not angry. I'm going to my room.

[00:21:24]>> Are you asking me or telling me?

[00:21:25]>> May I go to my room, SIR?

[00:21:26]>> DENY. SIT DOWN.

[00:21:30]BLOWN OUT THE ROOM.

[00:21:32]>> I must think I'm a >> It's like they've had this conversation in real life outside of this movie.

[00:21:40]>> Yeah.

[00:21:40]>> Oh, they want to film it. That that was him ON SET.

[00:21:43]>> THAT'S WHEN YOU know that he don't like your son.

[00:21:45]>> Yeah.

[00:21:46]>> And and uh he's not trying to hide at that moment like you know what I'm trying to be nice to you. That's why I come in here like a robot cuz I'm trying I'm trying not to get mad at you little stupid ass >> because Pops is mad at him for >> uh Katy letting his sister die. Zoe Krabbits right here. And which is silly really because you know listen he might be annoying or you know he might be getting on his dad's nerves but he was just a little boy at the time and she was the one that told him to go and hide because he was you know so much smaller and uh you know he was the one that had to sit back and watch her die. So he's traumatized, too. And he should be like dad didn't even see what he saw because she got her ass tore up by that creature.

[00:22:38]>> DAMN.

[00:22:40]>> OH [ __ ] She's like, "LOOK AWAY."

[00:22:44]>> LIKE, "GOD DAMN."

[00:22:47]>> You want to come back in the damn fish aquarium and not see a damn thing?

[00:22:52]>> Oh, that that could have been me. No.

[00:22:54]No. I'm good right here.

[00:22:58]>> I mean, he threw it like one of your He-Man dolls back. Look at this.

[00:23:05]>> YEAH.

[00:23:10]Put that now. Put your ass back over here. Yeah.

[00:23:15]Yeah. Yeah.

[00:23:18]>> Did he grab by the head?

[00:23:18]>> Yeah. He grabbed picked UP BY that finish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Finish your move out of here.

[00:23:27]>> Yeah. Put some Mortal Kombat on.

[00:23:29]>> Yeah. Even Jackson that second was like, "Damn, like that."

[00:23:34]>> Yeah, man. So, it's like, you know, [ __ ] What the hell was I supposed to do?

[00:23:38]>> RIGHT. RIGHT.

[00:23:38]>> MY LITTLE ASS come out there and fight.

[00:23:40]You saw what happened to her. What am I supposed to do?

[00:23:41]>> Hey, stop that [ __ ] >> What am I supposed to do? Fight with my afro? You know, >> you want some of this [ __ ] >> We both supposed to get told like that?

[00:23:49]>> Yeah. Hey, you do you want do do you want one kid left at least? He's like, "No, you mentioned it.

[00:23:56]>> Why wasn't it you?"

[00:23:58]>> Get the [ __ ] off, too.

[00:24:04]>> She had a whole life ahead of her. So did I, [ __ ] >> BROTHER, nobody's talking to you.

[00:24:11]>> Yeah, but she was actually going to do something.

[00:24:15]>> She was going to be somebody ass.

[00:24:20]>> You know you an accident, right?

[00:24:21]>> I know. Man, why you run out there and do something, man?

[00:24:24]>> [ __ ] >> That monster just would have finished the job, >> right?

[00:24:28]>> You could have distracted him and she could have got away.

[00:24:30]>> Exactly.

[00:24:31]>> So now you're thinking, well, well, that explains why why dad never emotes because he's still traumatized over his dead daughter.

[00:24:40]>> And when she was alive, he man, he was probably full of all kind of emotion. He probably laughed all day with her. No.

[00:24:45]No. Hell no. MAN, LISTEN.

[00:24:48]HE WAS actually more boring then than he than he is now.

[00:24:53]>> Like she uh she shows him a book all excited. Look, I got Moby Dick. Now, he's not in this clip, but you can definitely hear his ass if you listen very carefully.

[00:25:02]>> It's a real book from a museum.

[00:25:05]It's Moby Dick.

[00:25:11]>> Boy, that takes me back.

[00:25:14]adult not giving a [ __ ] about you all excited and [ __ ] out right here.

[00:25:22]>> I got real [ __ ] to do. Ain't it >> takes me back, boy?

[00:25:28]But and and even even acting like a concerned father, even when he's trying to act like he's a concerned father, he's barely even there. Then >> he said I could even hold on to it.

[00:25:41]>> Hold on to what?

[00:25:43]She's like, "Jesus, are you even listening to anything?"

[00:25:47]>> The book dad.

[00:25:51]>> Dad. OH, >> DAD.

[00:25:53]>> OH, he's autistic.

[00:25:56]>> I mean I mean that seems to explain it.

[00:25:58]>> But that little sexual joke I guess they're making.

[00:26:00]>> Yeah.

[00:26:01]>> Yeah. Yeah. Hold on to what? Dad also is dead.

[00:26:06]>> Yeah. He could be he could care less about these kids.

[00:26:08]>> Yeah. He didn't. Yeah.

[00:26:10]>> Yeah man. [ __ ] He uh he had autistic. He just autistic. He just don't give [ __ ] I'm I'm all playing. I got to deal with y'all little ass. Hey, that's your mom's problem now.

[00:26:20]>> He hears buzzwords and buzz phrases.

[00:26:22]>> He wasn't listening nothing about no Yo, he heard movie. He heard dick.

[00:26:26]>> I can hold on to it. Not movie dick. I can hold on to the book. All he was dick and hold on to it.

[00:26:31]>> Hold on to that. Goddamn it.

[00:26:33]>> He said I could even hold on to it.

[00:26:37]>> Hold on to what?

[00:26:40]the book. Dad, >> she laughing cuz you lying his dick.

[00:26:46]I'm gonna suck his dick. I'm not going to hold him.

[00:26:52]>> It's funny because the book is Moby Dick and that's what I call his >> especially for the great white.

[00:27:04]I thought he was also impatient with uh Katya cuz Katya was always getting in trouble, you know, cuz Pops finally just says, "You know what, boy? Your mama said I got to be a father to you." Uh she probably get tired of your ass. Just come on with me. I got a mission.

[00:27:20]>> I can sense it.

[00:27:21]>> Yeah. I'm going to take you I'm going Let me Let me take you to another planet. You know, I got to deal with your little ass.

[00:27:27]>> So your mom with you.

[00:27:28]>> Yeah. Take your mom.

[00:27:31]>> Yeah. Take them.

[00:27:32]She's the tolerant one. Yeah, >> she actually likes her.

[00:27:36]>> And so Pops takes him on a mission off uh off off their new planet uh to train with the the monsters are called uh Ursas. So they caught they caught one. I guess they training other soldiers to not have fear around. I don't know. They never they don't explain [ __ ] in this movie. Uh >> oh, I see what you're saying. So they they it won't smell the pherommones on or something.

[00:27:55]>> Yeah. Something I But again, that that's me guessing.

[00:27:58]>> Right. Right. And that's me guessing too. So Cyphus says uh he tells him as they're traveling he says you know it's going to be a long trip so get some sleep and uh Katy boy he's waiting for his ass to doze off so he's watching him the whole time like yeah now I can go creeping go I mean HE IMMEDIATELY DISOBYS HIS DAD I mean immediately >> he's like you asleep yet? Yeah, you can see him was waiting him to fall asleep.

[00:28:30][ __ ] He probably found some sleeping pills to put.

[00:28:34]>> Yeah. Sleep, daddy.

[00:28:36]>> Probably knocked EVERYBODY OUT.

[00:28:38]>> Everybody thirsty.

[00:28:39]>> He took too much.

[00:28:40]>> I'll get y'all some water.

[00:28:42]>> Get some water. He knocked that whole so he can go out and explore.

[00:28:46]>> Yeah. You go creeping out.

[00:28:49]>> Yeah. Y'all don't know what I'm saying.

[00:28:51]So, uh, his little ass wanders, uh, to the room without holding the monster in the in the and even the crew, you get to feel like everybody get tired of that.

[00:29:00]Even the crew is like, I don't give a son is we don't we going to mess with him.

[00:29:06]>> She seized your kid.

[00:29:10]>> Guess what? Don't go with not supposed to.

[00:29:12]>> Yeah, you going to sit your little ass back down. Now, I when I first looked at uh old Cipher here, I thought he was going to get up and I thought he's going to be like, "Oh, what the >> [ __ ] What the hell is that boy doing now? Where the hell? I'mma whoop his ass."

[00:29:26]>> That's exactly THE FACE HE'S MAKING, TOO.

[00:29:29]>> I just got the feeling that he's up to something right now, >> boy.

[00:29:34]>> But no, that ain't it. He ain't worried about what that boy like that's somebody else problem right now. Him, he's so badass that he can feel trouble just by touching the window. Oh yeah, I think this is a Yeah, it feels like an asteroid field cuz that's what they going through right now. Yeah, he's touching glass. He can senses the asteroid field out there simply by touching the window.

[00:29:55]>> And the they they hyper jump to uh another planet that's nearby that uh that gives them uh uh the great commander Rage right here gives them even more concern, man. which it should because it's a planet so mean, a planet so dangerous, a planet so hostile to humans that when they're forced to crash land, it tries to kill them before they even touch the ground.

[00:30:31]>> Come here, homie.

[00:30:42]I'm range.

[00:30:48]>> Don't worry, SON.

[00:30:56]WELL, DAD, what about your seat belt?

[00:30:59]>> Dad, I can't. Was that you screaming?

[00:31:01]No, that was you screaming like a [ __ ] That was me. And it kills the kills everybody on the shock OFF ME.

[00:31:20]LIKE, YO, MAN. GET YOUR OWN GODDAMN SEAT BELT. YEAH, since he was the only one who's wearing a seat belt at the moment cuz nobody else was.

[00:31:27]>> They fly past you left and right.

[00:31:29]>> So everybody Yeah, everybody's dead.

[00:31:30]He's the He's the only one. [ __ ] Except for somehow miraculously >> this fool LIVED THROUGH THAT TOO. I don't know how.

[00:31:41]>> Yeah, it look like he got sucked into a jetty.

[00:31:43]>> Hell yeah. [ __ ] At least BUMPING AGAINST THOSE WALLS SHOULD HAVE taken him out. But >> yeah, >> but uh so this is where you see Might Shyamalan do something that he rarely does in his movies and that is he gives you the twist >> in the middle of the film because >> because this dangerous crazy hostile planet is none other than >> Welcome to Earth.

[00:32:12]>> Yeah. Oh, that twist in the middle in the title and every trailer.

[00:32:16]>> Yeah, exactly.

[00:32:17]saving that earth like god damn it.

[00:32:21]>> Hey, you look you do this [ __ ] >> It's been earth the whole time. And uh >> you you so from here, Papa Rage tells his son that they got to go and track down this beacon that'll bring rescue.

[00:32:40]And if you thought Will Smith was boring before, now my man is just sitting in a chair through the whole movie cuz he got a broken leg and he's just telling Katy where to go through some communication device that they got. And the movie now turns into >> watching someone tell someone else to do in a video game.

[00:33:02]>> Yeah.

[00:33:02]>> Take a little turn.

[00:33:03]>> Yeah. They just the man that's how that's where the movie really gets kind of dull because it's just little guitar doing one thing after another like it's like like he's on like you watching somebody play a video game >> and you're not even doing that. You watching somebody watch somebody play a video game. Yeah.

[00:33:17]>> And tell them how to play.

[00:33:19]>> Now the good news is is that things at this point center mostly on Jaden Smith who emotes more than dad does. The bad news is that he only has two expressions. That being one OF >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. It's like this. Wait.

[00:33:40]You not gonna be with me?

[00:33:42]>> Wait, you dropped me off at camp?

[00:33:43]>> I can't do that, Daddy.

[00:33:46]>> Well, if I can get this leg, I can kick your ass.

[00:33:48]>> Yeah. No. Like, didn't you want to go join the the crew and be a badass like everybody? I didn't say none of that [ __ ] >> I don't know.

[00:33:59]>> I was 13 when I said that.

[00:34:01]>> I got to do what?

[00:34:03]You You ain't coming with me yet.

[00:34:04]>> Right. Right. You know what? You know, I'mma sit here with cheer to your leg here.

[00:34:09]>> Get the boy. Go do this.

[00:34:10]>> I thought we were going to get ICE CREAM.

[00:34:14]>> GET YOUR ASS. I know.

[00:34:17]I grab this place broke leg trying to kick over. Whoa. It's me.

[00:34:21]>> So, >> so, so I should go now, right?

[00:34:23]>> So, the man, nobody's good in this movie. And they talk about how bad the performance is here. I'm going to put that on Might Shyamalan cuz Might Shyamalan he likes to direct things where people are are sullen. Yeah. You know, people are not very emotive >> and Yeah. driving delivered dialogue.

[00:34:42]>> Yeah. So, both of these the both these guys are directed pretty bad. They both got no real emotion here. The most expressive that Jaden got his character Katy had uh is when he got bit by this bug right here and looked like that bug beat the [ __ ] out of his face.

[00:34:59]I can't feel my hand.

[00:35:00]>> [ __ ] Where about your face?

[00:35:03]>> He like a damn muppet, right?

[00:35:06]>> Damn. Face looking like a catcher.

[00:35:10]He's like He just as soon as he walks off the spaceship, he's like, "Damn, this ain't going to make it shit." I mean, he ain't taking 10 steps, boy. He already like bring your ASS BACK UP, MAN.

[00:35:22]>> I KNOW. [ __ ] I'll do it. I'll use you as a crutch.

[00:35:26]>> YEAH. YEAH. How big was the monster that attacked you? But it ain't about the size, man.

[00:35:32]>> It was five of them.

[00:35:35]>> I beat them all up, man.

[00:35:37]>> One of them got me. He sucker punched me. Meanwhile, he looking like a damn muppet.

[00:35:41]>> Yeah, I know. Yeah, you got stuck by me.

[00:35:43]>> Yeah, he looking like something off of Dick Tracy.

[00:35:45]>> HE DOES. HE DOES. HE LOOK LIKE PROOF FACE. YEAH, HE DOES.

[00:35:52]>> THAT'S MUMBLES >> during this part. Now, this is crazy cuz during this part, Will Smith is so emotionless in this movie that he starts talking weirder than he did before. He starts talking like a robot or or Sydney Portier.

[00:36:08]>> Open your med kit.

[00:36:09]>> You're going to have to administer the antitoxin in sequence. Inject yourself with the clear liquid first >> and call me Mr. TAPS.

[00:36:17]>> I KNOW. FOR REAL. NO, SERIOUSLY.

[00:36:20]>> Tell the truth.

[00:36:22]>> Tell the truth.

[00:36:23]>> [ __ ] He sounds like He sound like another rapper in this other sci-fi classic.

[00:36:27]>> Here, let me show you.

[00:36:29]>> These locations are our global response headquarters, our most sensitive targets, and they're taking them out.

[00:36:36]>> Well, can you can you imagine these two >> in the movie talking together?

[00:36:45]>> Here, let me show you. These locations are our global response headquarters, our most sensitive targets, and they're taking them out one by one >> based on their be like, you know what?

[00:37:00]Just take me out.

[00:37:02]>> Hey, whoever it is, come eat me.

[00:37:04]>> Somebody's bad. You ain't got to compare him to that. Yeah, I do.

[00:37:08]>> Yeah, I do.

[00:37:10]>> What you say? Tell the truth.

[00:37:12]>> You're going to have to administer the antitoxin in sequence. Inject yourself when you become African inject yourself >> with the anti >> [ __ ] What kind of toxins you've been smoking?

[00:37:29]Do not worry about my accent.

[00:37:31]>> It'll protect you from ding.

[00:37:34]>> Damn. When when you become a Nigerian keep up with the accent changes.

[00:37:38]>> You're going to have to administer the antitoxic.

[00:37:41]>> Who is this? My dad. He's like, he's like he's like Mufasa >> Jaden Katy, whatever. He's also hard-headed, man.

[00:37:53]>> Oh, he's hardheaded.

[00:37:53]>> Yeah, he's like there's a couple times his daddy tells him something to do that will save his life and he ain't he Yeah.

[00:38:00]The opposite. He ain't even trying to listen.

[00:38:03]>> Stand down, >> cadet.

[00:38:10]LIKE, GOD DAMN IT. I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT THAT MONKEY all night.

[00:38:14]>> I was going to leave you alone, too.

[00:38:16]>> Hey, I was just wondering who you were talking to, but I was actually telling Rock.

[00:38:20]>> Yeah. Yeah. So, I thought I heard you have a boss on the phone. I was see him go way back. HE WAS TALKING FREAKY SAID hi and I'm about to whoop your ass.

[00:38:32]Yeah. He said, "Boy, you should listen to your daddy. I got I got rocks, too.

[00:38:36]And I got more FRIENDS TO THROW."

[00:38:45]YOU THOUGHT NOW I KNOW THEY THOUGHT rocks at first. Oh, you want the ROCK confused rock?

[00:38:58]>> You like that, right?

[00:39:02]>> His face though. Why y'all throw rocks at me?

[00:39:06]You didn't do no gas light up. [ __ ] He messed up so bad. He safe and still running. I repeat, you are not being followed.

[00:39:15]>> You are running from nothing.

[00:39:17]>> [ __ ] DAMN. You know what? Nothing ain't going to ever get me.

[00:39:25]>> I repeat, you are not follow.

[00:39:32]>> I DON'T GIVE A [ __ ] I HEAR YOU. I hear you. What you mean rub? I run for my goddamn life. You mean you ain't down here.

[00:39:43]You run till he runs off the planet.

[00:39:45]>> [ __ ] You ain't on the planet apes right now. Like [ __ ] >> T so hardheaded boy. He don't even That's movie kids. Movie kids. Yeah.

[00:39:55]Hardheaded. He's so hardheaded. Mark, he don't even listen to his own hallucinations.

[00:39:59]>> All that most man's in torment. Wake up.

[00:40:01]>> Stirs up the leaves of things.

[00:40:02]>> Wake up. All true wet malice in it. All that.

[00:40:05]>> Okay, I see. I got to get crazy now.

[00:40:07]>> NEWS AND [ __ ] OH [ __ ] [ __ ] OH MY GOD.

[00:40:15]>> God damn.

[00:40:16]>> Zombie Zoe had like I might have to do this but echo.

[00:40:24]>> Uh >> that was annoying what he was doing.

[00:40:26]Just talking like that. irritating >> and and and and take that drink every time someone says katai kai KATAI KATY KAT I feel like every time that he's yelled a name he did something he wasn't supposed to do >> oh it it happens a lot >> yeah know throwing that every time >> yeah he's all emotionless so he has to be that black daddy he was constantly yelling your name all that Old African robot [ __ ] GOING BOY.

[00:41:04]African robot [ __ ] Make sure you OPEN YOUR PACKAGE.

[00:41:10]>> BOY. GOD DAMN IT.

[00:41:13]>> WAIT TILL I TELL YOU STOP. YOU JUMP AHEAD.

[00:41:17]Oh god. Stop running. Jesus.

[00:41:19]>> Stop running boy.

[00:41:20]>> You running from You are running from nothing. I don't give a damn. You I'm trying to rob this goddamn planet, >> right?

[00:41:29]>> Uh, I'll give Jaden this, man.

[00:41:32]>> At least Yeah. At least he's trying he's he's trying to bring some some passion to his scenes.

[00:41:41]>> WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? SHE GAVE ME AN ORDER. SHE SAID, "NO MATTER WHAT, DON'T COME OUT OF THAT BOX."

[00:41:48]>> AND what does Will do? He comes in and just sucks the life out of any scene that this man, this boy Ray is trying to put some uh some real emotion into.

[00:41:57]>> Was I supposed to just come out and die?

[00:42:00]>> What do you think you should have done?

[00:42:02]Because really that is all that matters.

[00:42:04]What do you think you should have done?

[00:42:09]>> Come on, Daddy. Give me something to work with.

[00:42:14]>> I put I did all that.

[00:42:17]Hey, you know what? Knight, that's a wrap, man.

[00:42:22]Damn, that was my shot right there.

[00:42:23]>> That sure was, boy. I was going to get my kids choice for [ __ ] Wait, call Jada.

[00:42:29]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:42:30]>> She'll get his ass to say, >> you know what mom's doing right now?

[00:42:37]>> Or should I say who?

[00:42:39]>> Yeah, right. Right. Right.

[00:42:40]>> [ __ ] Somebody put a picture of Chris Rock up on the wall. Get his ass, man.

[00:42:46]Wait. You know who I THINK IT IS.

[00:42:48]>> I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU DO, J.

[00:42:52]>> MAN, this is so much like a video game.

[00:42:54]There's even different levels >> in here, you know? Like like for example, they even have a a brief lava level like a video game.

[00:43:02]>> Oh man, [ __ ] Yeah, >> man. Walking in a volcano.

[00:43:09]>> And of course, if you got a lava level, then you got to have a air level.

[00:43:11]>> Yep.

[00:43:12]>> Got to know. Seriously, you do. Exactly. And and uh that happens when Katy is told to abort his mission, but he goes on anyway cuz uh he don't listen >> cuz he's hard-headed. Yeah. So he gets this little squirrel monkey on right here.

[00:43:27]>> This little this flying squirrel right here.

[00:43:31]>> Wait, wait, I don't know how to do this.

[00:43:32]>> Crashing the [ __ ] wall.

[00:43:35]>> Um >> he's like finally >> cuz he's hard-headed and wants to prove to his dad that uh that that he can do this. He's not a failure. He wants his dad to respect him. Uh, also that's when he's immediately chased by a BIG BOY. Where you think you going? Where you think you going?

[00:43:55]>> I saw you my spot >> cuz he jumped out. He jumped at the nest, didn't he?

[00:43:59]>> Uh, no. The bird is actually taking him to a nest.

[00:44:10]>> Yeah, I GOT THIS [ __ ] BUT HE wakes up cuz a bird took him back to the nest. And I guess he brought him there to feed the birds or whatever. I don't know. But the birds trying to eat him right there. But okay. So So here's here's where things get weird, man. Cuz I don't know. Maybe somebody can make sense out of this. I'm not going to sit up here and act like I like I'm going make I'm not going to make fun of this in case I miss something, but I don't know how to make sense of this myself.

[00:44:34]So while he wakes up in that nest of this giant bird, these lions, these lion type creatures, they climb up and they attack. And uh they go in and uh they actually uh kill one of the babies and he tries to actually help.

[00:44:51]>> NO, LEAVE THEM ALONE.

[00:44:54]>> So that line's like, "What you going to do?"

[00:44:56]>> You want some of this?

[00:44:57]>> Yeah. He's like, "Look, I'm doing this over here."

[00:45:01]>> Exactly.

[00:45:02]>> Best you just stay over there. Like you a lot more meat than the damn little chick right here. Then just let me do my business.

[00:45:08]>> Mind your own business.

[00:45:08]>> Right. Right. Mind your business.

[00:45:10]>> But um So he tries to help by by fighting the lions and uh you can you can see him.

[00:45:17]He's putting in effort, man. And you know, whatever skills he's got now, he's actually putting it to good use fighting these lines, trying to protect these birds.

[00:45:28]>> But >> he's like save by the [ __ ] >> But but I think uh cuz you saw that that other line just killed one and then he started fighting. So, I think he actually stepped on the rest of Right.

[00:45:39]>> You can even look see him looking down like [ __ ] Oops.

[00:45:43]>> I saved you.

[00:45:46]>> Yeah, I saved you.

[00:45:48]>> Now, I'm exaggerating here. I I don't I just think that's a weird cut. I don't think that's not my question here of what happened. Uh I'm just being a dick right here. But um but uh the mama bird sees a like her her babies are dead.

[00:46:04]sees the food that was Jaden Smith getting up and you know walking around and everything. Yeah. And now she ain't got nothing left. She ain't got no She ain't got no baby birds.

[00:46:13]>> Ain't got no nest cuz he tore it all up.

[00:46:15]And and and and she's following him.

[00:46:17]She's following around like I'll get you, [ __ ] >> I forgot about this.

[00:46:26]>> Everything was all right. You came IN MY LIFE. KATY, YOU WERE RUNNING FROM NOTHING.

[00:46:31]>> YEAH, BRO.

[00:46:31]>> You don't see this big. HE'S A KAI. YOU PISSING EVERYTHING OFF.

[00:46:42]>> Leave me alone.

[00:46:43]>> Oh, hell no.

[00:46:45]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that case.

[00:46:48]>> We're past all that.

[00:46:50]>> But I love it. Every on that planet is now angry at him. They ain't fighting each other no more. They all want to work with the bird. He mess up my he my my lunch.

[00:47:02][ __ ] let's get him. BUT BUT HERE'S THE weird thing. Uh so again, this is just nice shot just making [ __ ] up as he goes along. Kind of like so there for some reason there's uh the temperature drops at night, but there's these hot spots. Whatever.

[00:47:18]>> Sure, why not?

[00:47:19]>> Yeah, exactly.

[00:47:20]>> Like like like team >> and Yeah.

[00:47:24]And so the bird uh has been following him until until like the the weather starts to uh starts to freeze. So then he uh he didn't find a hot spot in time. He's so busy running that bird. So he collapses and something grabs him and pulls him and starts to keep him warm. So then when things do warm up, he wakes up and he discovers that it was the bird. The bird protected him. Oh, why? Maybe the birds saw him as one of the the babies.

[00:47:59]>> Yeah, I guess so. But you know, >> it's straight out of rescuers down under.

[00:48:03]>> Yeah.

[00:48:04]>> Remember that at the beginning when she he saves the eagle's babies and the eagle's his friend now. I was like, they ain't going to do that, are they? They >> It's some Disney [ __ ] that's going on.

[00:48:11]And the bird was I guess was kind of like, I have nothing else to live for.

[00:48:15]>> I'll protect you.

[00:48:17]>> But man, if you watch the movies, it really is like, okay, it don't make any sense. I mean, maybe the bird, you know, with those eagle eyes saw him fighting the lion and was like, "Oh, okay. I guess he's a good kid after all."

[00:48:28]>> Maybe. Yeah.

[00:48:30]>> You know, I was going to eat you, but >> yeah, >> that's supposed to be another twist. The bird wants to kill him. You think the bird wants to kill him and then all >> Yeah. No, there's a twist, but if you watch the movie, it's really like, okay, this don't make any sense.

[00:48:40]>> I said, >> you know, we can make we can make sense out of it if we want to, but the movie doesn't really project that.

[00:48:46]>> No, no, I I believe you. Uh, so the rest of this just plays out predictably, man.

[00:48:51]You know, >> he's got a bird buddy from now on.

[00:48:53]>> No, the bird's dead.

[00:48:54]>> The bird's dead. The bird froze to death. Oh, it froze. Oh, okay.

[00:48:59]>> Yeah.

[00:48:59]>> Keeping him warm.

[00:49:00]>> Yeah. Bird was like the bird really was like, I got nothing else in this world.

[00:49:04]>> Go on, little Jaden.

[00:49:05]>> No. Yeah. In real life, the bird be like, I can't do nothing for I do appreciate that, though. You know, you trying to you trying to help me. I'm gonna find me a hot spot.

[00:49:12]>> Yeah. Why don't you follow me? I've been trying to get you to follow me this whole time. Why don't you pick up the bird? Bird, pick him up and fly to a hot spot.

[00:49:19]>> Cuz you kept running from him.

[00:49:23]>> No, no, BECAUSE NO, LISTEN. NO, ACTUALLY BECAUSE IN THE MOVIE HE FALLS and that's when the bird picks him up.

[00:49:29]>> Oh, okay.

[00:49:30]>> But I'm just saying but the bird probably was too late at that time cuz it was freezing flying through the air.

[00:49:34]But I'm saying the bird was probably trying to get Jaden to follow like come back this way.

[00:49:38]>> I'm trying to I'm trying to help you out, man. You running to our cold spots.

[00:49:41]>> You going the wrong direction. It's like if you watch the movie, the bird could have picked him up and flew to a hot spot. You know, it's like >> none of this [ __ ] makes any sense.

[00:49:50]>> The bird spent all day long trying to get him to go to the hospital. He's exhausted.

[00:49:53]>> Yeah. The bird. But see, somebody said in the chat, if you watch the movie, the bird picked him up to feed him to to the chicks.

[00:49:59]>> Yeah.

[00:50:00]>> So, and listen, like I said, I see doing some Disney [ __ ] Well, all of a sudden, this bird is a sidekick. And you know, whatever, man. She might as well make the bird talk at this point.

[00:50:07]>> They should have made it a sidekick.

[00:50:08]That would have been more, you know, >> kat be like be LIKE A DADDY. KATIE KAT bird gets fed up with him too and just throws him in the river.

[00:50:16]>> Yeah.

[00:50:17]>> God damn. I see what your dad's talking about now.

[00:50:19]>> Yeah.

[00:50:20]>> So the Yeah. The rest of this plays out predictably, man. Cuz Katy finds the beacon that they looking for.

[00:50:27]>> WAS UNDER THE BIRD.

[00:50:28]>> YEAH. Bird shed out.

[00:50:30]>> He cracked the egg that came. I >> WAS GOING TO SAY HE cracked Easter egg.

[00:50:34]But before he can use it, of course, uh the monster finds him and the and the creatures look not that interesting. I mean, it looks kind of cool, but it's just it just rips off other alien movies. Uh you know, particularly the alien.

[00:50:52]>> Oh, you can spit acid. Looks like way to be original.

[00:50:55]>> Yeah, it looks like uh what's that? The when they they can't see, but they can hear the >> Oh, you talking quiet place.

[00:51:02]>> It kind of look like that one. Those are those a little bit >> uh >> quiet place. Yeah, >> they get into a chase. I thought the monster was actually about to teabag him right here.

[00:51:14]>> Yeah, just for being a dick. He's going to lay there and te it up for me.

[00:51:18]>> Yeah, you see see these big ass nut sack hanging.

[00:51:22]Oh. Oh, you like that [ __ ] [ __ ] I SEE YOU.

[00:51:26]>> YEAH, you going to fear something.

[00:51:28]>> You know what these nuts, [ __ ] You going to wish I did >> car alien nuts in your mouth.

[00:51:35]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You think I'll see you on that?

[00:51:38]>> What happened on the on the on the planet? Nothing, Dad. Here. Blow. Here's a goddamn beacon. Mind your business. Uh yeah. They But it's uh >> some tea.

[00:51:48]>> But it's really teaag alien. Alien ball sack. Uh so they get into a chase and I and I and and you know you you you see what happens there. Hey, >> the creature is walking over him. It's all to show that Katie for some reason.

[00:52:04]They don't really explain. I guess because he went through so much, he con Yeah, he conquered his fear, but which kind of happened quick. So, he's not giving any furmones out now. And so, uh, >> he been running from [ __ ] the whole >> So, now he got he ain't got nothing left. He used them all up.

[00:52:20]>> Yeah, he's he's been Richard Pride this whole movie.

[00:52:24]No, I got it together now.

[00:52:25]>> Yeah, all of a Yeah, it really is all of a sudden But you know they get to they get too tough.

[00:52:42]All right. All right. [ __ ] you then.

[00:52:47]>> Now you do. Now you do.

[00:52:51]>> So now he's conquer fear. He can do bullet time.

[00:52:54]>> Right. Right. And also that asset. Yeah.

[00:52:56]Like you say right alien.

[00:52:57]>> Yeah. I did kept thinking though, I was like, how much easier this would have been if he had a gun because all these people got guns and for some reason his daddy walks around with a damn with a katana or whatever >> and guns are [ __ ] >> Yeah, exactly. They don't look as cool when you do [ __ ] like this.

[00:53:17]Oh godamn.

[00:53:20]MY BLOOD [ __ ] OH NO. FULL.

[00:53:24]DAMN. Finish him like thick.

[00:53:30]>> And >> yeah, gun would have made that so much easier.

[00:53:33]>> Yeah. You would have had all those environments.

[00:53:36]>> Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And I was wondering like you're on a hostile planet. Get full of a gun. You see at the beginning of the movie, everybody got a gun.

[00:53:42]>> No, son.

[00:53:43]>> Except this.

[00:53:43]>> We don't use except this damn Marvel superhero.

[00:53:47]>> We go by Batman rules. No guns.

[00:53:50]>> He would have dropped that [ __ ] right there. He got shot. Yeah. Shot himself IN THE FOOT.

[00:53:54]>> YEAH.

[00:53:55]>> OH, BLATANT.

[00:53:58]>> But he got me.

[00:54:00]>> So now I can see why this they need to get that beacon cuz that that beacon got a uh that signal got a great plan, man.

[00:54:09]Light up the goddamn whole galaxy right here.

[00:54:13]>> Wow. Like that store in Las Vegas.

[00:54:16]>> Yeah. You come down and just a pile of ash with J.

[00:54:21]You have fulfilled your destiny, son.

[00:54:24]>> Some shoes and some some ash down there.

[00:54:27]>> The whisper knew was going to happen the whole time.

[00:54:30]>> He's like, "Thank you, son."

[00:54:31]>> He saved us all.

[00:54:32]>> Thank you, boy.

[00:54:32]>> And then he gets up and walks away.

[00:54:34]>> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

[00:54:37]>> And now it's Will's turn. Since our man completed his mission, it's Will's turn to >> stand up so he can salute his own son.

[00:54:44]Now >> you can at least stand all the way straight. Dad, you don't do it.

[00:54:57]>> Get him off.

[00:55:00]>> And and that concludes After Earth. The movie ends with Leaving the Planet with a shot of whales because we said some [ __ ] about Moby Dick. So >> grab Moy's dick.

[00:55:11]>> Jesus Christ. What a what a nothing burger of a movie, man.

[00:55:14]>> Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:55:17]>> But hey, it was short.

[00:55:18]>> It was short. And it, you know, it did help me figure out. I I had no idea that one of the main reasons why this didn't work, especially reading up on it was Will Smith gave, they say he gave such a terrible performance and not really his fault. Just the way he was directed.

[00:55:32]>> Sure. Yeah. M Knight was doing that with everything.

[00:55:34]>> He always does that. Really annoying.

[00:55:36]>> Mhm.

[00:55:36]>> Well, would you look at that? You made it to the end of the video. That means you really like us. So, just go ahead and press that like button and subscribe while you're at it. And check out our other channels, our social media like Instagram, Tik Tok, and our Patreon where we have new stuff coming up all the time. And we'll see you on the next