THE PSYCHOLOGY OF: NEUROSCIENCE OF WOMEN 3. TRAPPED IN A NEURAL LOOP

[00:00:00]Okay, gang. We're back to for the final conclusion of Neuroscience of women part three. I know it's been long awaited, but I I got you.

[00:00:10]So, here we are. Now, for those of you who are click this video for the first time, my name is Diane. I'm a psychiatric nurse. I've been one for over 20 years. If you have not watched Neuroscience of women one and two, you're going to have to go back to understand three. And I'm not going back. I'm going to do a quick recap and then we're going to keep moving. After I do my science of women, I have some announcements I have to make and also I have to clear up something from a former video that I think it's important for me to let you guys know because some things are not always clear in some of these videos because it's not enough time and sometimes people take things out of context. So, I want to clear it up. So, let's get into this video first and then we'll go from there.

[00:00:55]Now, we we we already did one and two, Neuroscience of women one and two. And we've already discussed how loops are formed. Now, loops are formed starting from birth actually. It starts when you're an infant. So, we already established that if needs are not met when you were infant, then this can start a loop. We've already established when you're a toddler going into a young child, how if your needs are still not met or if you're experiencing trauma or negative things that are considered trauma to you or any sort of you know, nervous system irregularities. Like something in the like maybe you have a parent that screams all the time and it messes with your nervous system. All these things are important when it comes to forming loops and this is at which will manifest itself by the time you get to the teenage years. If you have any of these things that exist, different traumas, different negative experiences that you see as trauma, you know, different things like this that occur, then this is what happens. It start and it shows in your teenage years. This is when children become aggressive, you know, in the teenage years. They become aggressive, they become promiscuous, they become either sometimes they will become introverts.

[00:02:25]You know, this is a time when kids try to find their identity. You know, you have kids that will, you know, change their look. They might be a You might have a little girl that loved to be girly when she was little and now all of a sudden she wants to look goth.

[00:02:39]You know, different things like that.

[00:02:41]All the Or kids may become depressed or, you know, whatever. So, that's why I said that you know, these loops start when you're younger and if they're not addressed with therapy or corrected, all these loops do is magnify and grow stronger. That's all they do over time.

[00:02:59]They If you don't get help for it, fix the situation, don't get therapy, be supportive, meet to meet the child's needs, then all they do is get strong The loop gets stronger and by the time we get to 18, we got some solid loops because we're going to discuss 18 to 25. Now, 18 to 25 is the most crucial part of your life when it comes to loops because whatever loops that you are in by 18 to 25, you're in them.

[00:03:32]That's just it. It's going to carry you over 25, again, unless you get therapy and unless you get, you know, some sort of help and stability and support cuz if you don't, this is why we have um people today that are like people that are over 25, 30, 40, 50, still making the same mistakes, still making bad decisions, still can't get out of certain situations, still can't understand why their life is a mess, still in DV situations, just whole a whole lot of things going on. So, let's talk about 18 to 25 and then we'll go beyond. Okay, by the time you get to 18, you are considered an adult. The parents or guardian that or guardians that had control over you, those reins are now lifted. As of 18, you're allowed to do whatever you want to do and you start making more decisions on your own. Even though a lot of 18-year-olds these days still have a lot more parental involvement than what I did in my generation and previous generations, 18-year-olds still want to um show their independence. They want to exercise their independence. Now, this is also the time in life where impulse behavior is at its highest.

[00:04:54]Uh impulse behavior is at its highest and also you don't have a lot of insight and judgment during this time because the frontal lobe has not closed yet.

[00:05:05]Now, let me give an example on what I mean by that because there uh this is a really tricky thing from 18 to 25 because even though you're considered an adult, your mind still doesn't have true insight and judgment as it would over 25. As the saying goes, with age comes wisdom because you have more insight as you get older.

[00:05:32]Now, between eight let's let's say this.

[00:05:35]You're 18, you go off to college, okay?

[00:05:39]And let's say you're going off to college with with a with loops because you didn't get any help. You know, you didn't get any therapy. Uh your your family has your environment has already created your loops. So, let's say you go to college.

[00:05:55]The the the kids that go to college that have loops and go off and, you know, starting at 18, those some of those kids, the ones that are having problems, that have the loops are the ones that wind up flunking out from too much partying. The ones that come out of college because they get pregnant.

[00:06:13]Um the ones that have poor study habits.

[00:06:17]And the reason for that is they don't have the the insight to know that, "Okay, when I go away to college, yes, partying is fun, but I have to study."

[00:06:29]Because if I don't study, I'm a flunk out. And if I flunk out, I have to go back home. They don't think that deeply.

[00:06:36]They don't think that deeply. They think about that moment. That's why I said impulse is high because you go off to college, you reach your roommate, you start sitting in with people, you start developing friendships and, you know, knowing people. Next thing you know, it's a party every day in somebody's dorm. It's a party every weekend at some sorority house or frat house or off-campus event or whatever. And you know you got this 10-page paper due on Monday, but yet you've been partying all weekend, and you think you can come back you you think you can wake up Sunday late afternoon partying all weekend and have the paper done by Monday.

[00:07:19]That's poor insight because you had the impulse. Your impulsivity is high. You didn't think about when that person asked you to go to the party. You didn't think about it then. You only thought about the paper after you woke up that afternoon. I was like, "Damn, I got a paper due on Monday." So, at this point, you didn't failed because you didn't have enough time to read the material or do the paper. Now, let's take out AI cuz now these kids got AI.

[00:07:50]But, that that's what I'm talking about.

[00:07:53]I'm talking about not having insight and judgment between 18 and 25. Another good example is a young woman dating a boy at 18, 19, 20 years old having unprotected sex regularly, not using any birth control, and not thinking that there's a possibility they could get pregnant.

[00:08:17]They know on the surface they could get pregnant. But, in but they're impulsive, they're in the moment. So, they don't say to themselves, "You know what? I I I dodged a bullet this time. Let me get me some birth control. I don't want to get pregnant." They don't think that deeply because impo- the impulse control is very difficult from 18 to 25. We look let I'm going to use Halle Bailey as a good example of that.

[00:08:45]Halle got pregnant with DDG before she was 25.

[00:08:50]She didn't think about how that was going to affect her image and her career as a Disney princess and the opportunities that that bought her. She wasn't thinking about that. All she thought about is that she liked this boy, she was having unprotected sex with him, she winded up having a baby.

[00:09:10]And this is what happened as a result.

[00:09:13]She didn't think about her career like, "Wow, I better not do this. You know, I better not You know, I better make sure I'm on birth control or I better watch who I'm dating. You know, he doesn't have such a great history. I heard a couple things about him. This could harm my image." That's not how you think from 18 to 25. You're very impulsive.

[00:09:35]And your decision-making is poor. Now, when you add loops to it, that's what makes it worse. If you're already someone that comes from a background where you didn't feel loved, you didn't feel heard, you didn't feel like you were important, that makes it even worse because then you're more determined to do these things. The impulsivity is even greater because you're craving that attention, that love, that validation because of the person that you've become.

[00:10:08]So, you know, that that's why these things happen. So, 18 to 25 is very crucial because what happens is when you get in these situations, most of the time they all turn out the same. When I say they turn out the same, by the time you learned your lesson in these situations, it's making you feel like you felt in your loop.

[00:10:33]If if you get what I'm saying. Um let me see if I can give you an example using myself.

[00:10:41]Um >> [clears throat] >> Uh I I'm going to keep going and then when I can think of one, I'll I'll say it cuz I have to give you an example of what I mean because the thing about loops is that even though the loops are wrong, it feels right when you're going through what you're going through because it's a familiar feeling. So, that's why you keep doing it even though it's wrong.

[00:11:09]For example, in DV situations, you know that it doesn't feel good for uh a man to put his hands on you or your partner to put their hands on you. You know that doesn't feel right. You know you shouldn't be in that situation, but because you're in a loop, your mind already rationalizes it and makes you feel like it's going to be better the next time. It but it's it never is.

[00:11:40]That's what it is. Oh, it's going to get better. Your mind rationalizes it. And that's why in DV situations a lot of people stay because when you're it because the loop made it feel normal.

[00:11:53]You already have a loop. For example, my people people-pleasing loop.

[00:11:59]I was in a DV situation. When I met my first ex-husband, I was already in a bad place, but again, I had a people-pleasing loop. I already came from a background of not having that family bond per se. My mother did not bond with me with me when I was little. My father was not there. So, I already had that sense of abandonment that made me become a people-pleaser in the first place. So, when I got with my first husband and he gave me a sense of security in the beginning of our relationship, when the DV started, you know, no, I didn't feel good when it happened, but after it happened, he made me feel secure again.

[00:12:45]So, that's why I I stayed in the beginning. Like when the first incident happened, I should have been out then, but I wasn't because of my loops.

[00:12:56]Because of the fact I had the abandonment of the parents, I didn't feel like that I belonged, and I became a people-pleaser. Then when this DV situation when everything was a DV situation, yes, in that moment I might have been afraid, I might have been, you know, uh felt pain and, you know, anger and sadness, but when we made up, when he came back and comforted me and started being like the old person, you know, the person that I fell in love with, I stayed because of the fact of the loop I had because I didn't want that abandon like I felt the same as I did when I was a child and it felt familiar. So, when you have a familiar feeling, I don't know if you guys are understanding me. If you're not understanding what I'm saying after I've done this video, let me know and I'll re-clarify it in another one cuz I'm trying to do the best I can cuz this is kind of tricky to understand.

[00:13:55]Um the the the feelings that I have in my loop, when you go through something negative, it's familiar to you. So, because that feeling is familiar, your mind interprets it as being safe because you felt this before and you're still okay. Like you might not like it, but you're still okay though.

[00:14:18]That's what it is.

[00:14:20]And that's that's why these loops are dangerous. That's why loops are hard to break. And that's why we a lot of us live our lives in loops that we're not aware of because our our minds have already said, "This is okay." Even though on the surface, you know it's not. But subconsciously, your subconscious already said, "It's okay."

[00:14:47]Because you've been there already. You normalized it already. You know what it feels like already. So, uh you know, your mind is saying it's okay.

[00:14:59]Uh I guess a better way for me to say it is let's say you've been in three DV relationships. Okay, let's say you've been in three.

[00:15:07]And you meet this fourth guy and he comes along and he treats you like you've never been treated before. Like you can't believe that it's like this.

[00:15:17]You're going to sabotage that relationship in most cases because it's not normal to you. You are used to the chaos of DV. You're not used to a man treating you well. You're not used to a man being gentle with you, being emotionally available with you, or anything like that. You're not used to it. So, what's going to happen is you're going to do things to sabotage the relationship because you're expecting to feel what you always feel when you're in a relationship. I think that's the best way I can put it. Like I said, if if you're not understanding, just let me know cuz I'm trying to do this the best that I can.

[00:15:57]So, I'm trying to explain how these loops solidify and how they carry on because again, I've had my loops all the way up until my 40s and my loops still exist. I said in my last video how I had a family member call me a few weeks ago and I fell right back into a old loop, but I caught myself because I had therapy, because I worked through these loops before, because I worked hard at breaking these patterns, I was able to instantly catch myself and say, "You know what? No, because I'm I'm getting ready to revert right back to an old loop." And what happened what happened was that person was able to trigger that loop for me because they come from my childhood. If this occurred for someone who I just met, say before I you know, went to therapy and got it together, it wouldn't have happened. But because this person I've grown I grew up with this person, they're a part of my childhood, not just adulthood, but childhood, ever since I was 9 years old. So, ever since I was 9, this person has been a part of my life. So, the fact that they could Mind you, I don't speak to this person that much anymore. This family member, I don't talk to them that much anymore because they're a part of a negative loop. But the fact that they called me and asked me and I was I instantly jumped to it. Yes, cuz that's a part of my people-pleasing loop. But as soon as I hung up the phone, I said, "No, no, no." I caught myself and that comes from therapy and breaking loops.

[00:17:34]So, that's the best that I can explain it.

[00:17:37]Now, once you get over 25 and the frontal lobe closes, this is when you start to see that things are not right.

[00:17:47]But again, you cannot stop the loop.

[00:17:51]It's hard for you to break that cycle without therapy, even though you know it's wrong. What therapy does is therapy helps you recognize what triggers your loops, recognize when you're in a loop, and gives you techniques to help you break it. That's what therapy do that does for you. That's why I stress therapy so much on this channel and to get it any way you can. Cuz I'm I'm going to tell you something and this is the the honest-to-god truth.

[00:18:25]A lot of people don't go to therapy because they don't want to address things. They don't want to go through the pain. They don't want to go through these things. They would rather just deal with it the way that it is, rationalize it in their mind, and just keep things the way that they are. One person that I I think of when I say this is Cardi B. Cardi B Well, before she became famous, her boyfriend was in was in prison. So, we can imagine what we're dealing with here. Uh if I'm not mistaken, correct me, you know, I could be wrong, but I think he was also a part of a gang, allegedly. I don't know.

[00:19:01]But I believe he was. I believe I heard that somewhere.

[00:19:05]Once she became cuz when she went on Love & Hip Hop, that's what she said, that her boyfriend Tommy was in jail.

[00:19:11]After Tommy was offset, we all see what happened with Offset, serial cheater, gambling problem. After him is Stefon Diggs. Can you see the progression in Cardi's dating choices are getting worse and worse?

[00:19:25]She went from Tommy to Offset to Stefon.

[00:19:30]Stefon is worse than than Offset.

[00:19:34]Stefon is worse than Offset.

[00:19:36]Offset was worse than Tommy as far as we know. Well, Tommy's in prison cuz he going to be the sole worse.

[00:19:42]>> [laughter] >> So, you know, that's a person that I can say that is in a solidified loop that goes back probably to her father cuz Cardi B talks about how, you know, how she had to go with her mom to the welfare office and from what I understand, I think her dad was in the home and he was a cab driver, but something was going on. I mean, allegedly, I don't know, but the fact that there's some things that were happening there. Cardi talks about how her mother pushed her down the steps.

[00:20:12]You know, allegedly, but I I could have swore I heard Cardi say that, but I'mma say allegedly in case I'm wrong.

[00:20:19]Uh but there's something going on there with Cardi because her choices in men are horrible. Her choices in men are horrible. And her rationales are horrible about, you know, her choices in men and the excuses she makes. That's the point I'm making cuz Cardi is over 25 now. So, you think she would have learned from Offset, but she doesn't. Another case in point of loops that have have gotten worse is Teresa from Housewives of Jersey. I did a video on her on my mental break channel about what's going on with her daughter. She's another one. She went from Joe who treated her poorly to Louie who's treated her even worse than what Joe did.

[00:21:04]So, or who is treating her and I'mma say allegedly because Teresa hasn't came out and say it. And people around her have said it. So, I'm going to say allegedly because I don't know that for a fact.

[00:21:17]So, but that's the point I'm making. The once these loops solidify and they definitely are solidified between 18 and 25 because you're an adult and can't nobody tell you anything. And usually between 18 and 25, you don't want to hear what your parents have to say. You believe you know everything because again, insight and judgment is still poor. So, you think you know everything.

[00:21:40]So, after 25 is when you start seeing stuff that's just not right. But, a lot of times you stay in those loops because loops are comfortable. Loops are comfortable because your subconscious has told you it's okay. You survived it.

[00:21:55]You're okay. You made it through. You're okay. It's okay to feel like this. This is what your subconscious is telling you. It's okay to feel this way because you're still okay.

[00:22:06]But, in reality, you're not because on on the your conscience your on a conscious level, you're like this ain't right. Not on feel right.

[00:22:16]But, you wind up staying because your subconscious says, "You all right.

[00:22:20]You've been here before. You survived it. You can cope with it. You know, you're still doing okay. You're still making money. You're still going to work every day. You're still, you know, getting the kids ready, you know, every day. You're still being a mom. You're still, you know, doing this. You're still taking care of your parents.

[00:22:38]You're still, you know, showing up for work and doing what you're supposed to do. So, because you keep doing the normal functions, then your subconscious is telling you it's okay. Even though on a conscious level, you're actually miserable.

[00:22:54]So, this is this is what happens when loops solidify and they come full force between 18 and 25, which can carry you for the rest of your life. Cuz I still when I started breaking my loops is when my when we all had to go to therapy my kids when I realized that my kids needed therapy and and I needed therapy and when I got into therapy uh that's when I was able to identify my loops and start breaking them one by one. Now, will you have your loops forever? Yes.

[00:23:26]Your loops will always be there, but the difference is once you identify what they are, you can correct them. You can correct the behavior. You can say, "Uh-uh, I ain't doing this. Uh-uh." You can catch yourself. Like I just did.

[00:23:41]But again, this takes a lot of time and people don't want to do it.

[00:23:45]People rather you know, stay in you know, a safe space. That's what they I'll I'll give you another example.

[00:23:51]What's her name? Jasmine Brown is it?

[00:23:54]The What's it a Cam Newton's girlfriend?

[00:23:56]She was the one that was out here telling women not to take no stuff off of men and this and that and that she's with Cam Newton. She said herself I did a video on her that she cries in the shower.

[00:24:06]That she's unhappy.

[00:24:08]But what she's staying anyway. She's another one in the loop. Oh, she loves to please him and take care of him, but nobody's pleasing or taking care of you.

[00:24:17]But she's comfortable in that loop. She doesn't want to deal with what happens if she's not doing these things. She doesn't want to deal with that. She wants to stay where she is because she's comfortable there. She knows that feeling. That feeling is not unfamiliar to her. So, she still gets up and takes care of her child. She's pregnant again and his kids and still you know, cooking dinner and you know, fixing his food and packing this and do packing his bag and you know, all that. She's still doing that because of the fact her subconscious has made it normal for her.

[00:24:52]Her loops have solidified and this is this is a a space she can live in. And the behavior is not going to change.

[00:25:00]What happens is you see that's another thing.

[00:25:03]These loops don't change. They just elevate and go somewhere else. Like I said, with Cardi.

[00:25:09]Cardi's loop has not changed from Offset to Stefan. The only difference between Offset and Stefan is Stefan has more money for his foolishness. That's the only difference. So the only difference that that Cardi saw is let me mess with somebody with more money so at least I'm not the only one taking care of kids.

[00:25:29]That's how she sees it. Because that's the only thing that I see. I see Stefan worse than being with Offset cuz at least Offset is remorseful in what he does. He just keeps doing it but he's remorseful. Stefan I don't think Stefan give a damn to be honest because Stefan Stefan has the money not to give a damn.

[00:25:47]See that's another thing. He you know he has the money.

[00:25:51]So again, you know, these loops they don't change. They just go from person to person to person because uh Jasmine might be with Cam now but Cam has said out of Cam has said as own mouth that women are less valuable once they have children. And when Cam gets tired of Jasmine because he said he doesn't want to get married. He's not into marriage and all this kind of stuff anymore. I don't know if he was married before but he said he's not into marriage and that's because that's his exit strategy.

[00:26:22]He knows if he doesn't you know that he could walk away from Jasmine at any given time and get a young another young woman with no kids. And Jasmine's going to take that same behavior and go somewhere else unless she gets help for her loop. She's going to turn around and do the same thing.

[00:26:40]And that's what it is. So that's basically what we're getting to. Loops can last you a lifetime. My mother has a loop that has not ended. My mother's in her 70s and she's still in the same loop.

[00:26:52]It hasn't ended. My mother hasn't been to therapy a day in her life and she's not going to go.

[00:26:57]So because she hasn't been to therapy and she's not going to go, her loops have always existed, which got her to where she is now in life. She's in her 70s and I'm not going to get into it like that because I'm not going to sit online and just, you know, say things about my mother. I'm just saying that my mother has loops that and she's in her 70s that have not been addressed. She has not gone to therapy and her life has turned out to be the way that it is because of it because her life could have been happier and so much better if she would have addressed her loops.

[00:27:30]That's how I see it.

[00:27:32]So my life is so much better and I'm so much happier since I did address my loops. When you get when you actually go into therapy and address these loops and behaviors and different things, yes, it's going to be painful. I'm not going to lie to you guys. It's going to take a while.

[00:27:51]And it's hard. There are some days that you're doing great and there's some days that you're not. But there is a rainbow at the end because I can I am proof I am 100% proof that life can be better. My life is so much happier. I make better decisions. I'm more confident in what I do. I'm happy with my life. I look at things differently now. Once you address these loops, you look at life differently. You see things for what they really are and you you you are able to deal with people better. That's another thing. You can see when somebody's trying to use you or somebody's trying to play you. You can see it more clearly when you're not being a people person, when you're not being somebody that's a stage five clinger like uh Pauly says from Jersey Shore. You know, that these are the things that you can see more clearly when you actually address your loops and start breaking them. It's the best thing that you can do for yourself. So, that's why I said for those of you who want to you address your loops, again, I say it all the time, turn the back of your health card around, call that where it says mental health services, dial that number and start looking for a therapist. If you need help or want assistance with that, you can always book a call with me and I can help you find someone and help you through that process to find someone that you feel good about because the every therapist you're not always going to like. I've had more than one therapist because of the fact I got you know, I've been to one therapist and they got me to a certain point and I wanted to get to somebody else. It's different therapists for different stages. That's another thing and also based on your history. If you have trauma in your history, you need to get a therapist who specializes in you know, trauma that can help you get through the trauma first before you start addressing other issues because a lot of times you have to get through the trauma first before you can address all the other issues. Cuz once you get through the trauma part of what happened to you, the rest of it won't be so hard because it all stems from trauma. A lot of times things that we do and go through in life, it stems through uh it it originates with the with the original trauma. And once you deal with the original trauma, then things will go a lot smoother in your healing journey.

[00:30:23]So, it all depends on what you guys want in life. You know, um I'm somebody that promotes, you know, therapy and and good mental health.

[00:30:32]We're we're currently living in a time where people are not doing well mentally. I deal with it every day at work.

[00:30:39]Um or when I go to work. I don't go every day anymore, um, cuz now I'm running a business, but uh, people are not doing well.

[00:30:48]They're not. They're, you know, and people are doing a lot worse than what they like to portray. Peop- people come to work and show up in different spaces pretending like their life is okay and their life is great, and behind the scenes is falling apart, and they're crying at home.

[00:31:04]So, I promote therapy and, um, you know, mental health because I know what it feels like just to function every day and pretend that you're okay, and in reality, you're you're, you know, losing it on the inside. Like, you you feel like you feel like you're slowly dying.

[00:31:25]I know what that feels like, and I never want to go back to that place again. I never I never felt like I wanted to go to the upper room. That's not what I mean. What I mean is I know what it's like to just exist, to get up every day and just be on a hamster wheel and go through the motions, and not not finding any real joy in life.

[00:31:45]And like my, uh, cousin said, who I love so dearly, God rest her soul, my cousin Joy, you only get one life. That's all you get. So, why are you going to spend it miserable?

[00:31:56]What, like, if you already had a rough start that you had no control over, you had no control over the early part of your life. You have no control over your loops. It's not your fault that your loops are formed. Now, what is your fault is when you don't want to do something about the loops. When you realize, you know what, something's wrong here, and I need Why can't I, you know, finish anything? Why why am I in bad relationships? Why do I keep treating my children this way? Why do I keep sabotaging relationships? When you start to recognize that you're doing things that don't make sense, and you don't want to do anything about it, then that's when it's your fault. Your loops are not your fault. Not doing anything about it once you realize you have these loops is the problem. That's the problem right there.

[00:32:49]So, there's many people, men and women, who live their whole life and never break loops and and get so upset and depressed that they're at the end of their life, they're in their elderly years, and they're miserable.

[00:33:03]They're miserable. That's why you have senior citizens that they said they uh that will, you know, take themselves out to the upper room, or they're they live alone, they're miserable, and they're lonely is because they made choices in their life which got them to where they are.

[00:33:20]When you're living your life on your terms and the way you want to, you're not going out like that. There's always going to be people around you.

[00:33:28]There's always going to be people that, you know, whether it's family, whether it's your own sense of community or friends, because uh my aunt um that passed away a few years ago, she didn't have any children. She didn't have any children, she didn't have a husband. She was never married and never had children. But when she got sick and before she left this earth, when I tell you she had a bunch of friends that was coming up to that hospital and that nursing home, she had so many people that was coming to see her that the fam- we couldn't see her sometimes. We had to fight and argue and say, "Listen, we're the family. We should be able to come see her. Like, why can't we see her?"

[00:34:07]Because she was booked and busy at the damn nursing home, okay? Because my aunt created a full life for herself.

[00:34:14]So, when you create a full life for yourself, you're not going out like that.

[00:34:19]She created a full life and she was happy with her life. She lived all the way up to, let me get it right, 84.

[00:34:28]And she didn't start getting sick until she was 83. And she passed away when she was 84. And prior to that, when I tell you that that old woman and that cane was all over America, she was all over America. She was going so much, we'd be like, "Where where you at?" I would I WOULD CALL HER, SHE DON'T ANSWER the phone. Then I call her cell phone. I'm like, "Well, auntie, where you at?" "Oh, I'm in Atlanta." "Oh, I'm in Florida."

[00:34:53]"WHAT YOU DOING THERE?"

[00:34:56]>> [laughter] >> WE USED TO ALWAYS SAY THAT. But see, she had a full life and she she enjoyed herself cuz she didn't let nothing or anybody stop her. She lived a full life.

[00:35:07]She went to therapy, broke her loops, and it didn't bother her that she didn't marry or have children. She lived her best life and she had a good time doing it. So, when she left this earth, she Listen, it it was peaceful and, you know, she was fine with it. She called all of us up there.

[00:35:26]She knew she was leaving. She called us one day and and told us when to come up, one by one. She wanted to see us all for the last time, all her nieces and nephews. She called us all up one by one and said her goodbyes. And we knew. We knew it was going to happen.

[00:35:44]But but that's the point I'm making. You only get one life and you don't want to get to be in your 70s and 80s sitting in a corner upset because you didn't do the things you wanted to do in your life.

[00:35:56]So, if you have loops and you have issues that you need to work through, like I said, turn that health card over and if you don't don't have that, book a call with me and we can, you know, we can look for things because there are some uh there are some free services. I just say it depends on the state and things like that. There are some services that can, you know, help you with different things. I know that there are free services for um grief counseling. But I would have to look into your state.

[00:36:30]And um also there are support groups.

[00:36:33]There are free support groups in in different states and stuff like that. I would have to research it if you needed help in finding a support group and things like that. So you could just book a call with me. Now I'm going to close out this neuroscience of women part three because really by the time we get to this part three is just uh your loops have solidified and it basically if you don't get therapy and start putting the time and effort into yourself, then it's nothing that anybody else can do because everything starts with you and it ends with you. It's all about what you want in life. I wanted a better life. I wanted to feel better mentally. I was tired of just existing.

[00:37:16]I was tired of being in relationships that wasn't working. I was, you know, tired of that. So when and and I didn't go to therapy to be in relationships, it wasn't that. I wanted to find out why I kept choosing the wrong men. That's what I wanted to find out. Why am I in this situation?

[00:37:36]When it comes to uh professionally, I I always went after what I wanted and I got it when it comes to professional. But when it comes to personally, you know, relationships with myself and the people around me, whether it's a man or family members, I couldn't understand why I always felt so bad and then everybody else seems like they were getting what they wanted. They all seemed happier than me, even though I know that they're not, but that's how it seemed to me. On the inside, I always felt bad because I was the people pleaser. I was giving everybody what they wanted, but I wasn't getting what I wanted. I felt left out. I felt alone.

[00:38:18]I felt out of place. I felt like I didn't belong. So I had to figure that out. So, once I realized that this is what's going on, that's when I said, "You know what? And my And my kids were going through stuff as well. They were going through stuff because of me."

[00:38:33]Not because of them, but because of me.

[00:38:36]So, in choices I made by choosing the wrong man as their father, you know, they're They don't have their father.

[00:38:43]It's a broken home. He's not He's a deadbeat dad. You know, these are the things All these things are a trickle-down effect of me. And because I was the originator of it, my kids are suffering from it. So, I was like, "YOU KNOW WHAT? WE ALL GOING TO THERAPY. DAMN IT, we all going." So, [laughter] that's what I did. And I'm so happy I did. My daughter Oh my gosh, she's thriving. I'm so in awe of her. She's a college graduate, graduated from one of uh one of the uh most prestigious schools on the East Coast. I don't You know, I don't want to tell her business.

[00:39:17]She don't like stuff on the internet.

[00:39:19]And um I'm so proud of her. She's a beautiful young lady. I'm so proud of how she carries herself. And I'm so glad that she, you know, has went to therapy herself. She goes back once a year herself for a checkup, just to check in to make sure she's still in a good place. She makes the best decisions. She has uh I I love her dearly, and I'm so in awe of her. And I'm so grateful that the loops are broken so that when she has children, my grandchildren are not going to go through what she went through. And they're not going to go through what I went through. So, I'm so grateful for that cuz the last thing you want is for your grandchildren to suffer in any way. That's something you don't want. Now, my son, that's a different story. My son needs to go back to therapy, but as we know, it's difficult for black men to go to therapy versus women. You know, we're more prone to, you know, uh heal ourselves than uh black men. Black men uh don't think anything is wrong with the way that they see things and the way that they do things as a whole. Of course, there are black men that do go to therapy. I'm not saying black men don't.

[00:40:31]I'm saying as a whole most black men don't go to therapy and don't want to and probably won't. So, there's nothing I can do about that.

[00:40:42]Um, let me say this and then I'm going to get into my announcements and everything else.

[00:40:47]Links are below for finding your own loop. Um, my um, beginners guide to crypto. And I know that sounds weird to have a to have a beginners guide to crypto on a mental health channel, but I think finances are a good part point part of mental health too because poverty is a form of trauma.

[00:41:07]And um, uh, digital currency is coming.

[00:41:13]It's coming. So, if you're not aware of how it's done and everything else and how it works, then you need to get that guide to that you can at least understand it. I don't tell you what crypto to buy. That's not in that guide.

[00:41:25]All that guide is is knowing what it is and how it works. So, when they finally do say, "Listen, it's shut down. We're into crypto now." At least you know what's going on and you can make the right decisions. Because I'm going to tell you something, when we switch over to digital currency, there's going to be a lot of people out here that's going to try to rip you off to get you to understand what it is or make you pay for things at a astronomical price because you're not going to know. So, at least with my guide, I think I think my guide is only 888. I think I I got a 888 price tag on it. It's no more than $10.

[00:42:03]I'll tell you that right now.

[00:42:04]It's no more than $10.

[00:42:06]So, that's why I said so at least that you know.

[00:42:09]Um, and uh, my red flags guide is down there, knowing red flags in men.

[00:42:17]And um uh got my link down there for my call as well. Now, let me get into my announcements, what I was going to say.

[00:42:24]Let me start with my announcements.

[00:42:26]Uh the links are below for the nature of a man series that I'm going to be doing behind a paywall and the private community.

[00:42:34]It's just the email sign up. I am going to be sending out the information on both of those in the next upcoming week or two. The reason why I say week or two is because I don't want to put an absolute date on it because I have a trip coming up. That's number one.

[00:42:52]Number two, we're going into the 4th of July holiday. We're coming up on that, number two. Number three, I'm also running a business besides working and my business is picking up now, so this is why it's taking me so long to get this other video out. So, that's why I said the next week or two because I have to set aside dates for both things. When I send out the information, I'm going to have dates in there. So, and I'm going to stick to these dates. I'm going to pick a date, get everything set up, and then you guys will know from there. And so, I'm going to um send out one Once you sign up for free, I'm going to send out an information email with you to sign up and a deadline date to sign up for it. And then that's it. And then I'm only going to allow so many people in because I in both things, I'm only going to allow so many people in because of the simple fact I like to try to keep these things as intimate as possible because I don't want to be some big YouTuber with millions of people. I don't want all that because the more eyes you have on you, the more ears, the more people like to come in and act a fool, and I don't feel like all that.

[00:44:02]So, I like to keep it a small community.

[00:44:05]So, um I'm going to have those links in there. So, that's going to be down below as well. So, just check the where it says where it has the pin comments, check the links down there. They're all going to be down there. Now, the last thing that I'm going to say in my Wizard Liz video, I had someone that left a long comment about and I don't want to put that person on the spot that about what I was saying about um you know, women I think the gist of it was that about women who say that they don't want to deal with men anymore and I said that that was unrealistic.

[00:44:49]And how I I was being contradictory in what I was saying. So, let me clear up something.

[00:44:58]What I'm What I'm expressing in these videos is that for those of you women who want to continue to deal with men what I'm trying to do is get you to understand how men are so that you are well informed on men.

[00:45:20]Okay, so that you know what you're dealing with.

[00:45:23]So, there are women out here who still want to date men. It's women out here that still want to marry men. And I'm not going to sit here and tell any woman what she should and should not do with her life. That is her choice because not everybody has a horror story. There are some women out here who are happily married. It may not be a lot of them, but it's still some women out here.

[00:45:50]So, I'm not going to sit here and tell you don't get married. That's your choice. If you happen to find a good man that actually loves you and treats you well and you don't have any issues with these with that man, then that is your right.

[00:46:07]It it's not for me to say. See, this is the problem with the internet. People get on the internet and they just say anything. I deal with reality in life. I don't deal with internet stuff. I don't do that. And the reality is when I said that it's unrealistic for a woman to not uh date a man because of our nature, because we're here to be social, that is true. A lot of women who say they don't want to date men or have children or get married, that's based on their experiences that they've already experienced. Or they just don't want to, and that's fine. I'm not knocking any of these women. What I'm saying what I'm saying is that everybody's not going to do what you want to do.

[00:46:59]Because the woman said something about her mother and her grandmother didn't date after, you know, they haven't dated or had a man in years. Okay, that's because they had bad men.

[00:47:09]Once you understand what you're getting into when you're dealing with a man and you know how to maneuver when you're dealing with a man, then you will be more successful with men because you have to have a certain mindset to deal with a man. You have to have a be a certain type of woman to be to deal with a man. You have to be See, when you're dealing with men, you have to be willing to walk away. A lot of times women suffer because they stay.

[00:47:38]Women suffer because we have unrealistic views about relationships.

[00:47:44]Women suffer because they don't know the true nature of men and how they think.

[00:47:50]So once you learn how they think, then you won't have these issues. I'm in a relationship with a man and he knows I am 100% a flight risk. He know I don't give a rat's ass. And you know why?

[00:48:06]Because I'm happy with my life the way that it is. We don't live together. Now, even though we engaged, I ain't set one date and ain't even thinking about new date. Because of the simple fact, it's not at the forefront of my mind. It's not. What's on the forefront of my mind?

[00:48:24]It's building my businesses. That's what I like. Traveling. That's what I like.

[00:48:29]My grandson. That's what I like. That's what's at the forefront of my mind. A man is not the center of my world.

[00:48:35]So, when you have that kind of mindset and that's because I know the nature of a man. And when more women start thinking like that and and and stop being male-centered and wanting to do everything for a man, these men will tighten up. These men don't act right because women don't act right. It's just that simple. Men only do what you let them do. It's just that simple. It ain't It's It's not hard. It's not rocket science. If you let a man dog you out, that's what he's going to do.

[00:49:10]All he need is one time. That's all he need. As soon as you let it slide, he know he in. He like, "Okay, good. I got it. I got it from here." "She let me do this. Okay, I'mma do it." For those of you who are still listening, I'm watching the polygamist right now on Netflix.

[00:49:26]If y'all uh have Netflix, please watch it. I'm going to do a video on it. I think it's like 22 episodes. I think I'm on episode five. So, it'll be a little bit cuz I don't get a chance to watch it that often, but I'm definitely going to do a video on a polygamist because that's a great example of what I'm talking about. I've been watching it so far and that's a great example.

[00:49:46]You know, when when you're in a marriage or relationship with a man and he cheats on you and you take him back, you just showed that man that you, you know, you'll accept him acting like a fool.

[00:49:59]Look, a good uh case in point is Latto. Latto is a great point. You think that you're going to keep What's that boy's name? Uh um 21 Savage.

[00:50:11]You think you're going to keep him? You just showed him that you're willing to be a side chick, that you don't mind being second. And you got pregnant. So, you ain't going to He He going to treat you just like he treat the wife, just like he treat the baby mama. It's not going to change cuz you just showed him what type of chick you are. You just showed him that you're willing to ride or die as a side chick.

[00:50:35]So, he's going to go off and get somebody younger. Just like ain't Stefflon rumored to got a new girlfriend right now, some new chick, some IG chick? And Cardi was crashing out and she talk about she outside and she was at the club the other night. She was at the club looking crazy. She was at the club looking crazy.

[00:50:52]That That's the stuff I'm talking about.

[00:50:53]That's exactly what I'm talking about.

[00:50:56]So, that's why I said, so I'm not out here to tell you not to marry, to marry, not to have a man, not to have a man.

[00:51:06]What I'm telling you on these airwaves is that whatever your choice is, how if you're going to deal with men, understand how male nature is and how it works, and how to be more successful if you want to deal with men. And again, I'm not saying marry, I'm not saying live with, I'm not saying have their children. All I said is that women are It's unrealistic to think that a woman will go 30, 40, 50 years without at least dating a man.

[00:51:41]That doesn't make sense. A woman in her 20s has a bad experience. So, you mean to tell me she's not going to date a man for 40 years of her life? That's not going to happen.

[00:51:52]That's not going to happen cuz that's not even reality. Y'all are not Y'all Y'all say this stuff on the internet.

[00:51:57]That's not even reality. How many times have you known a woman that sworn off men? Next thing you know, she becomes a pregnant. Please, child.

[00:52:04]Y'all sitting up here letting the internet gas y'all up on everything. I deal with reality. This is reality. I'm not I'm not dealing in fairy tales and internet bull. I don't do internet bull.

[00:52:17]It ain't too many channels on here that's real. It you know, as far as you know, in this space. You know, as far as like the um when you talk about the relationship space, it's not too many channels on here that's real. Cuz they're not telling you what is real. And the reality is these women out here that swear they're swearing off men, they be laying up with men on islands and all kinds of stuff. Y'all go ahead with that. Nobody want to hear this mess. No Nobody want to hear this mess. So, stop coming in my comments saying, "Nia, I don't want to hear it." Because I deal with reality. I hear it all the time.

[00:52:53]You mean You know how many assessments I do a week of women and men and all the things that I hear? Please. Nobody want to hear that mess.

[00:53:02]A lot of these women that say that they ain't got no man or they or they um Matter of fact, uh who just told me that they're back with their My daughter just told me that one of her friends is sneaking around with their ex-boyfriend and they don't want the other friends to know and she got caught because he was treating her bad before cuz she's scared. She don't want nobody to know.

[00:53:24]That's what I'm talking about. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. THAT I DON'T know why people get on this internet and talk crazy. Y'all know y'all be out here doing stuff in the dark. So, stop sitting up here trying to be high and mighty on the internet. Stay out of my comments with that dumb stuff.

[00:53:38]Cuz the reality is it's not normal for women at some point. I'm not saying you might get to a point where you don't want to deal with a man again. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is it's unrealistic to think that all of these women that say they swear off men ain't ain't sneaking off with somebody. Come on. I ain't trying to hear that, miss ma'am.

[00:54:00]All right, let me get off here cuz this cuz I'm about to start talking ghetto.

[00:54:03]So, let me get off of here and let me just stay professional. Again, all the links are below.

[00:54:09]I'll be coming back with another video.

[00:54:12]I'm trying to think um I got Yeah, I'mma try to look at I think I'mma maybe break up the polygamists maybe in the first and maybe since it's 22 episodes, maybe I'll do uh 11. The first 11 episodes and I'll do a video and then the last 11. Maybe I'll do that cuz this polygamist child is something crazy. So, y'all And And also, the I believe it's a African uh a series because you can see them do the lip soles, you know, the voiceovers, but it's good though. It's good. They did translation to English, but it's good.

[00:54:49]So, let me get off of here, guys. I hope you enjoyed this series. If if you have any questions, just put them in the comments and I'll address them in upcoming videos, you know, I'll uh get to it in the beginning or end of a video or whatever. Probably at the end, but or in the middle or whatever. I'll figure it out. The point is is that let me get off of here. Again, all links is all links are below for the sign-ups for the Nature of a Man series in the community. You will get to see my face. I'm coming on camera for those because that's private. So, anything that's private, I'm going to show my face. Anything that's, you know, my face really isn't other places on the internet in all actuality, but for YouTube purposes, you know, I just keep my face off of it instead of being on there every day. So, I'm not actually trying to hide. It's just that certain material I'd like to just keep my face off of it. All right, gang. I'mma get out of here. You guys have a good one.

[00:55:47]Enjoy the weekend. At the time of me taping this video, it's Juneteenth weekend coming up. So, please enjoy, guys. And be careful out here. Be careful. There's a lot going on. So, be careful. You guys take care and I will be back.