Chess in HYPERBOLIC SPACE? // Chess Memes #31

Added: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]Holy board [music] forest, why am I so far away from the PC?

[00:00:05]Why does it look like it's the board made of pentagons and [music] why does it feel geometrically impossible?

[00:00:12]Welcome to Hyperbolic Pentagonal Chess.

[00:00:14]If you thought you understood regular chess, >> [music] >> well, get ready for a mind-bending experience. Oh, that's nice. Now, explain why I start so far away from the rest of my army. Also, can we even move on the pentagons? We sure can. Rooks follow the connected edges of adjacent pentagons, controlling up to 10 directions. Bishops move like this, also in 10 directions, but following each pentagon's second vertex clockwise or counterclockwise. The queen combines the movements of the rook and the bishop [music] as usual, allowing her to move in up to 20 different directions. A king can move to any of the 10 cells adjacent [music] to his current cell. Well, that makes some sense. Now, tell us how the pawns and knights move. The pawn movement depends on its location. The pawns on their starting [music] half of the board make movements along edge connected cells that bring them closer to the center, while the pawns on the other half make moves that bring them closer to the edge. From some pentagons, [music] pawns can choose to move between two or even three different directions, but they can never move directly sideways [music] along the center horizontal axis. Capturing works along vertices adjacent to legal movement paths in up to four ways depending on the pentagons the pawns are on. Pawns can move two cells for their first move, either on the same path [music] or along two paths, in some cases moving to a cell which they could have moved to by capturing as well. Promotion and en passant work like normal.

[00:01:34]The knight moves one cell like a rook and one square [music] like a bishop in any order, with both movements being less than a right angle apart from each other and jumping [music] over any pieces in the way, making their full movement look like this. Finally, >> [music] >> there is this new piece. It moves either two cells like a rook or two cells like a bishop, [music] jumping over pieces.

[00:01:52]The piece is effectively the knight's complement, moving to every cell [music] in a two-block radius that the knight couldn't move to. Hmm. Interesting. What are you called, new piece? Alibaba.

[00:02:05]Why is it speaking gibberish? A bishop head on a rook [music] foundation. I'm just going to call the piece a bishrook.

[00:02:12]Obsidian volcano. I'm going to start with my usual first move.

[00:02:18]Correct me if I am wrong, but if we want to play the Caro-Kann Defense, this variation uses the second pawn instead of the third pawn to give proper defense to the center pawn. No, you nerd. We're not playing the Caro-Kann Defense. We're playing [music] the Scandinavian instead. Oh, man. I'm not ready to die.

[00:02:40]Well, well, well. Looks like I get the first capture of the game.

[00:02:46]Oh, yeah.

[00:02:48]Now, I dominate the entire board with my 20 directional queenly powers. Oh, you think so?

[00:02:55]Anyone ever tell you not to move the queen out early? Yeah, right.

[00:03:00]Now, I've got [music] this foolish knight in an absolute pin.

[00:03:04]Not if I can help it. So, that's [music] how you're going to play it, pawn? Fine.

[00:03:11]I'll move further [music] into your turf while threatening another pawn. Oh, you think you are threatening me?

[00:03:17]Well, guess again. You tell me to guess again as you move closer to the most powerful piece, pathetic pawn. Yeah, go ahead and capture me while cheating and Harper protect me. Seems like a very wise move. Dang, you really got outsmarted there, didn't you, queen?

[00:03:34][music] Obsidian volcano.

[00:03:38]Time to bring out the diagonal dashes.

[00:03:41]White has gotten too [music] many tempos. We need to start moving now.

[00:03:44]Moving? I know how to do that.

[00:03:49]Bishrook, you idiot. You can't just play some random move. You need strategy. No, I need to smell bacon. What is wrong with you? I'm going to jump further up the board and clear the way for the bishop and bishrook.

[00:04:03]I'm going to get in the game.

[00:04:07]Haha, we got the snowplow. Bruce been watching too many videos from chesskid.com.

[00:04:15]The plow only works when I can't destroy it, but I have a defender, so you'll only be doing me a favor. Jumping piece, jump towards the center. Oh, golly, it is my turn to move. Don't you mean your turn to move? I am going to the center [music] before you, you quamlisk.

[00:04:36]I am in the center next to a walrus.

[00:04:40]This is onto the center, you dumb man, and I'm a bishop. What did you just say I could not smell it? Please tell me my ears are deceiving me. Did I hear a refrigerator?

[00:04:53]Nope, they aren't. Can any piece that is not a bishrook please move so the game can resume? I know just the move to play. Resume about why canoes aren't sailboats.

[00:05:04]I think that's an easy Look at this, the Caro-Kann [music] formation. What a bishrooks. I told you we weren't doing the ding-dang Caro-Kann Defense. Ding-dong, the butcher is dead.

[00:05:16]Those are not the lyrics.

[00:05:19]I'm late [music] to the action. I got to get off the edge of the board.

[00:05:24]Oh, look, it's a fart toy.

[00:05:28]Am I chessiest who invited these dunderheads? I dunderheads.

[00:05:33]Queenside rook up. [music] If you have to move, at least move toward the center. Okay, boss.

[00:05:40]Not there, you.

[00:05:42]Time to move up, move up. I like to move it, move it. You like to move it. You achieved literally nothing. No, no, no, no, no. My turn was taken. I can't take it. Hey, I get to eat this bowling [music] pin. Truly an IQ of three.

[00:06:00]Yummy, yummy [singing and music] in my pancreas.

[00:06:03]Oh, I throw a gutter ball. Seriously, jumper, if you're going to talk cringe, at least make it rhyme. Hey, I can capture this other Alibaba, but I missed the bowling I like octagonal checkers. Does anyone have a brain in this game? As a matter of fact, I do. This brainless sofa jumps fell for my stealth trap and now I can capture it. Your pants are on fire. If you didn't take me seriously then, well, you certainly believe me now. Invasion under the rook's tail.

[00:06:40]>> [music] >> This move feels so powerful, yet it's so limited. That's because this position is closed. Lucky for me, pawns can make multi-directional double moves.

[00:06:51]How about we trade to open up the board?

[00:06:54]No, don't trade. [music] We're down a pawn. Trading will only make it easier for them to gain on us. Dark pentagon bishop, attack the queen with a knight's defense. I got you, my king.

[00:07:05]Leave the premises, you intruding queen.

[00:07:08]So, that's how you're going to play it, huh? Fine.

[00:07:12]I'll just prepare another ambush on your other bishrook. The black squid thinks it can ambage me.

[00:07:19]Well, I'm not that stupid. Oh, really now? What's 9 + 10? 21.

[00:07:27]You really are that stupid. If white won't open up the board, then I will.

[00:07:33]I guess I might as well.

[00:07:38]Yes. I'm a knight with full-fledged central dominance. LMAO. Big mistake initiating that exchange on your own terms, Juliet. Shut your mouth, white kingside king.

[00:07:48]Huh. Is there a white queenside king, too?

[00:07:52]If I reposition [music] myself one cell diagonally, I might get a better shot at an ambush.

[00:07:59]Much better. So, the black queen thinks she's being a sneaky creeper, but she forgot my sniper powers.

[00:08:07]Now, you're forced to move away and you can't take me because of the knight that defends me. Oh, dear. I guess you got me. Oh, but you missed a little something. My diagonal shift perfectly lined me up with the same knight you say defends you. How the what the huh?

[00:08:23]That's impossible. [music] Oh, it's very possible. I have a plan.

[00:08:28]It is the most stupid, [music] but it just might Hey, Alfidaba, there's a toaster next to you. Wait, really? Oh, golly, I must find that toaster.

[00:08:41]Come to daddy, BELOVED TOASTER.

[00:08:44]>> [screaming] >> YOU DID not just fall for that. If I could capture that pee brain, >> [music] >> I absolutely would. Who is keeping my refrigerator from me? Toasters and [music] fridges don't exist in chess, you mindless sheep. And now this quamlisk is going to annihilate [music] me because of your vowel waste of a move. Well, this queen is especially bratty today. Ah, well, she's out of the game.

[00:09:09]The most important rule in [music] pentachess, never ever trust a hopper.

[00:09:16]Time to take control.

[00:09:19]I said that for us.

[00:09:21]White knight, go down. Nah, I'll go up instead.

[00:09:26]I don't like that knight being this close [music] to us. No need to fret because that knight is near the board's edge. It is a further away from us than it seems. Let me make a move.

[00:09:38]Oh, I miscalculated. It's much closer than I thought. Yeah, I'm being threatened. Don't worry, I'll help.

[00:09:47]I now protect the walrus. If the cow captures it, then I will capture the cow. I was already defending the walrus.

[00:09:57]Uh, do I look like a walrus? That [music] move was fine. Good for defense.

[00:10:02]Oh, good. Course you'll be needing it.

[00:10:06]I will take that. Favorite volcano.

[00:10:13]The invasion stops now. This center pawn is going nowhere. How you forgot about en passant?

[00:10:22]Uh, you stay away. You don't get to eat this Alibaba, you bowling pin. My time on this board will not end because of a walking, talking skittle. I will >> I took it already.

[00:10:37]Oh, yes, I am very thank you. Yeah, I can take the center.

[00:10:43]Double pawn center makes good. I feel like pawns control the center a lot in this variant.

[00:10:52]That's right. They do take the center quite often, and they're about to do it again. You there, move two pentagons [music] and rebuild the barrier.

[00:11:00]Two pentagons, king. Illna, did you see what happened to Charlie? I'm not going to make myself vulnerable to en passant.

[00:11:10]How many times [music] do I have to tell you you can move two squares safely when there are no white pawns by the square you are moving to? One cell at a time.

[00:11:17]It's the safest way to play.

[00:11:20]Oh, sure. Give white a free move, why don't you? You I spy with my little eye a farm animal.

[00:11:29]Curse you and your stupid phobia, ex-pawn.

[00:11:33]Um, I have we won countless games due to that, fool?

[00:11:37]Excellent. Center control gained the proper way. I don't need en passant to capture you. Anything is better than being taken en passant. I disagree.

[00:11:49]Ha, even the baby knows better. Yeah, ha.

[00:11:57]Don't mind me. Just a normal rook doing a normal move. Now I see what you are trying to do. I'm out of here.

[00:12:09]So, the center is crowded with pawns once again.

[00:12:14]Maybe this time we should keep it that way. Because I am so jumpy, I could probably hop through the bowling pins without hitting any.

[00:12:24]Your hopping abilities [music] are weak compared to mine.

[00:12:28]Bet you can't hop from light to dark cells. I could do that in my sleep [music] and with my ears closed.

[00:12:36]Excellent. A double move that contests the center and gives me the rook's defense. That's a win-win.

[00:12:44]Actually, pawn, it's a lose-lose.

[00:12:47]Forky check, [music] fork, checky fork.

[00:12:50]Dang it, Ivory, you pawn of a qualmless.

[00:12:52]Wouldn't that make you the qualmless white king?

[00:12:54]>> [music] >> Shut the chess up. What even is a qualmless? Make your move before you flak. Quadratic tetrahedron.

[00:13:03]I hope you enjoyed [music] that because now you will enjoy being captured. For the glory of And I will take a free pawn. Oh, great leaps.

[00:13:12]Oh, crap.

[00:13:15]Now to find [music] a way to invade. I don't think so. Well, that is suboptimal. Don't worry, samurai, I got you for dead. Still doesn't [music] help me infiltrate white. Let me try.

[00:13:29]Oh, but guess what? I'm not just aiming at your knight. I've got your bishop under my control. Nothing to do with you, sneaky creeper.

[00:13:37]Now this bishop rook is hanging. And [music] so are you.

[00:13:40]But that's impossible. We are like six or seven cells apart. Nope. Hyperbolic geometry permits this path to you, which means That's simple pro Well, well, well. It seems [music] you all forgot about my existence. I've been aiming at that pentagon for quite a while now, and it's [music] finally time for me to develop there with a bonus.

[00:14:01]You chittering little Alec I am so close to becoming a queen, and no one can stop me. That doesn't mean I can't capture to make us even.

[00:14:13]Break, break, break.

[00:14:14]Revenge fork, ha ha ha. Frick, darn, and dang it. You're coming with me, rookster. Crap, crap, crap.

[00:14:21]That is my line because I am now a queen. Dagnabbit, I'm in check.

[00:14:28]Super ultra hyper mega fork. Bro is actually rogue.

[00:14:32]And I choose to [music] take the jumper.

[00:14:34]Beep, beep, I'm a Cringe. I will take all these pawns and threaten a rook. Not cool, bro.

[00:14:42]I must get back [music] in the action.

[00:14:45]Bad timing, white queen.

[00:14:47]Checko Slovakia. Dang it, queen, you Harmony and Riley [music] surviving and thriving. Back off, punk. I'm warning you.

[00:14:58]I don't think so.

[00:15:00]Checkmate and goodbye. Yes, I [music] am the king of hyperbolic chess and the best at geometry. Rigged and dumb and rigged and dumb and rigged and dumb and rigged and dumb and rigged and dumb.

[00:15:14]>> [music] >> Riley Jewels, you're under arrest [music] for playing an illegal move as a means of checkmate.

[00:15:24]>> You are now obligated to do time through the next game. Rigged and dumb and rigged and dumb and rigged and dumb and rigged and dumb and rigged and