A Boundary Is Not Something You Say - It Is a Decision You Make | Stoicism.

Added: 2026-06-07

[00:00:00]Most people think of limits as things you say to difficult people.

[00:00:04]Communication's about what you will and will not accept.

[00:00:09]But the Stoic understanding is more fundamental than that.

[00:00:12]A limit is not primarily a communication. It is a decision.

[00:00:17]The decision comes first.

[00:00:20]The communication follows when necessary from the decision.

[00:00:24]And the decision is about you.

[00:00:27]About what you will engage with.

[00:00:29]How much access you will extend.

[00:00:32]Most limit setting conversations are framed as attempts to affect the difficult person behavior.

[00:00:38]But this places the success of the limit in the other person hands.

[00:00:42]The Stoic understanding is different.

[00:00:45]The limit is successful when you have made and executed the decision about your own engagement.

[00:00:51]Regardless of whether the other person behavior changes.

[00:00:54]>> [music] >> Epictetus, most human unhappiness comes from reaching into the domain of what is not ours and trying to control it.

[00:01:04]The decision about how much you will be affected by behavior is yours entirely.

[00:01:10]Make it. What is one decision about your own engagement that you have been framing as a conversation you need to have with someone else when it is actually a decision you can make for yourself right now.

[00:01:24]Drop it in the comments.

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