Coronation Street - 23rd February 1966

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[00:00:26][music] >> Are you having anything all right?

[00:00:47]And it says it says in the paper here that uh women's hemlines are going to be 4 in longer this summer.

[00:00:54]I I thought I saw the article. I thought you'd be interested. I thought I'd keep it for you.

[00:01:01]I was talking to Mrs. Buckley in Vaddock Street, you know, her her husband run off with the slate club money. I said, "Well, Hilda's getting none of it." But she's always smart. She's always in fashion. Why shouldn't she be? Anyway, has he had his breakfast? I don't know and I don't care. He's your lodger and that were only for last night.

[00:01:17]>> Oh, well, they're our lodger.

[00:01:19]Where'd you suddenly get the hour from?

[00:01:21]I didn't notice no hours floating about last night.

[00:01:23]>> YOU MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT DO I MEAN? You brought him in AND DUMPED HIM DOWN as if it was a bag of chips or summat.

[00:01:29]Didn't you think to consult the lodger I might like to be consulted? Oh, of course you did. Well, you never said owt. Oh, well, I was thinking of Jimmy, you see, he gets a bit embarrassed with people. He's a bit withdrawn, like, you know. I thought to meself, "I'll consult Hilda in the morning." Oh.

[00:01:43]Oh, well, that's different, Stan.

[00:01:45]Yes, well, um seeing as how you put it like that and think he'd get over very carefully, like, I'll give Nellie Melba 20 minutes to pack his BILLIARD CUE AND OFFICE.

[00:01:54]>> OH, HILDA.

[00:01:56]AH, GOOD MORNING TO YOU AND HOW'S me favorite lovely little landlady? He's gone, Stan. 20 minutes.

[00:02:02]Was it something I said?

[00:02:04]You're out of it, mate. You've got your marching orders. Hilda. Yeah.

[00:02:07]Yeah, but do you want me to stay, Stan?

[00:02:09]>> to but I'm helpless. Look, will you give me a free hand with her? Eh? But play it my way, will you? It won't stand a chance.

[00:02:16]>> I'll bet you an even pint, Stan. You're on. Done.

[00:02:20]There's a place in my heart for someone.

[00:02:23]There's a place in my heart for someone.

[00:02:26]Oh, there's a place that to drop in my heart.

[00:02:38]This room smells like a Chinese dust house. You've been in some funny places in your time, haven't you, mother?

[00:02:42]>> Right, that's it. Up. I'm not getting up. I'm on a retreat. Dennis, I don't care if you're running for your flaming life. I want you out of that bed so as I can change the sheets before they start CRAWLING UP THE WALL.

[00:02:50]>> THE RIGHT MOCKERS ON MY search for identity, aren't you? How can I be expected to find out who I am if I've only got an hairy blanket to lie on?

[00:02:56]>> Oh, is that what's worrying you, love?

[00:02:58]You can't remember who you are. I don't expect you to understand, mother, but I have been in communication with hitherto unknown powers. You've never had a bath.

[00:03:07]Your repartee is withering. Having communicated, I shall harness these powers and channel them along the path to prosperity. In the meantime, can I have a Dennis, love, why don't you just resign to yourself to it? You're a nice, successful little failure.

[00:03:21]Compromise, love. Learn to live with it.

[00:03:23]>> Mothers don't say things like that about their sons.

[00:03:25]>> Well, this one does.

[00:03:27]Who's that? Oh, I forgot.

[00:03:30]Yes. There's a tiny little visitor for Andy Pandy. Come on up. Mrs. Sharples.

[00:03:37]Mrs. Sharples, what do you do it?

[00:03:42]How is he? Oh, he's sinking fast, is he, Sharples? Sinking fast.

[00:03:46]>> Well, I think you'll find I've got him a bottle of Dr. Peach's purifying mixture.

[00:03:50]Dr. Peach's purifying mixture.

[00:03:54]The office of the liver is to purify the blood.

[00:03:58]And the best of British luck if you can take that he's healthy enough to swallow.

[00:04:06]You bad eye, you.

[00:04:08]Yes, I must say I've laid out fellas that look a lot fitter than you look now. Never mind.

[00:04:18]Come on, love. Come on.

[00:04:21]Hey.

[00:04:22]What's this pound note doing on your pillow?

[00:04:25]What? Oh.

[00:04:28]ALL RIGHT, IT'S QUIET.

[00:04:30]I HOPE MR. FAIRCLOUGH MAKING AN EARLY START, aren't you? Oh, I have got a pillow like that. I DON'T STOP. NO, NO, I HAVEN'T. I don't mean owt by it. Just no. And where have you been conniving, our money? Oh, I've just been over to Hardcastle's to see about some extra blankets. Oh, I'm all right. All right.

[00:04:43]You know, there's there's a lot of this stuff of ours needs replacing, Mr. Fairclough. Yeah, you've got a fair point there, Jerry love. All right. Any old blankets coming tomorrow. Look, I I could make a list up tonight of the other stuff if that'd be agreeable with you. Fine, mate. Fine. Right. Hey, you're you're in a good mood this morning, aren't you? I'll give you a kiss, Hilda.

[00:05:12]Where's Stan?

[00:05:13]Oh, he's gone down to the depot, Hilda.

[00:05:15]And if it's not a rude question, when are you supposed to earn your living?

[00:05:18]Oh, I'll be away in a few minutes, Mrs. Fairclough. I'm just finishing up the breakfast things. I also did those few dirty pots from last night. I've done them, too. You needn't have bothered.

[00:05:25]OH, NO BOTHER AT ALL. I GET ITCHY EYEBALLS looking at the dirty pots. I never could resist it. Oh, and I took the liberty of filling up the coal scuttle and I'll bank the fire before I go.

[00:05:34]It's not you trying to get round me, you know. I wouldn't get round you, Hilda.

[00:05:38]An intelligent woman like you wouldn't fall for the Irish rubbish. So, stop trying. Oh, oh dear me. It's easy to see that head isn't just to keep those ears apart. You've got a very shrewd business eye. Oh, I know I'm very handy around the place, but business is business.

[00:05:51]How do you mean? Oh, there you go again, you see. Caution, caution. Well, here's the way I look at it. On the one hand, this means no trouble around the place, tidies up me own bed space and then there's you. What about me? Well, I see you sort of saying to yourself, "Is it really worthwhile having a paying guest, you know, there's no trouble at all, never under your feet, for the sake of a few pounds spending money every week, paid direct to you and the sum needn't be divulged?" To the income tax? Not to Stan.

[00:06:16]Oh. So, I can see you've given it a great deal of thought and I'll pack up me few old bits and pieces and I'll be away tonight.

[00:06:28]Um I suppose that I suppose we could have a sort of trial period, like, to see if it was mutually conducive. Yes, all right. I'll go along with that.

[00:06:39]All right, then we'll try it. And if you'll excuse me, I've got to run over to Rover's. Oh, where?

[00:06:43]Hilda, you don't want a few sheets just to be going on with, do you?

[00:06:48]No. No, we'll talk about money later on.

[00:06:50]It's just the two of us, mind.

[00:06:51]>> All right, yes. What do you want for your tea? WELL, I WOULDN'T MIND A NICE bit of steak, lightly wafted over the flame with the blood oozing out of at the flick of a knife.

[00:06:59]>> Oh, we don't run to steaks in the middle of the week. Oh, don't you worry. I've got a pal working down at the abattoir and he tells me what can fall off the back of a lorry of the finest description. I've got to see him soon to discuss the uh necessary beverages for St. Patrick's night and uh I'll see what he comes up with, huh? Oh, you cheeky beggar.

[00:07:15]You know, if you weren't Irish, I'd thump you. Yeah.

[00:07:19]Hello, Elsie. I'll be over in a minute.

[00:07:23]Well, hello, Hilda. Now, you tell. Oh, oh, Elsie. Aha, you were looking for things but didn't think Hilda would tell you. I think that I'll be only sleeping that much away from you in spite of the 10-in wall between us. And don't you think you're close enough at the moment?

[00:07:37]>> Oh, I'm working on it.

[00:07:39]Hey, you wouldn't thinking of dislodging any bricks out tonight, would you, by any chance? What's a shocking thing for you to say, Elsie Fairclough.

[00:07:47]I never thought. Practical, practical.

[00:07:48]Never thought of it, though. Ah, you've only just thought of it yourself.

[00:07:51]>> [laughter] >> Do you know Morse code? Morse code? Let me see.

[00:07:54]Um used to keep a pawn shop off Percy Street.

[00:07:56]>> Morse code, yeah. I'll be tapping out beautiful love stories to you all night long. Oh, well, if you get an answer, don't worry. It could be our deli's.

[00:08:14]Mr. Stone, I'm sure you're aware that these are licensed premises. Come again, love.

[00:08:19]Over the years, a strange custom has developed amongst people who visit public houses. What's that, then? Well, they occasionally buy a drink. Of course, in your case, we could arrange some sort of installment plan. Ah, very good. You've got a very nice turn of wit there, ma. It just needs a bit more polish, you know what I Mr. Stone, by no stretch of anyone's fevered imagination, could I [snorts] be your mother? Hey?

[00:08:39]Please do not address me as ma. All right, don't uh make the point, Auntie Annie, because you'll flog yourself to death. Hey, I can do you a sort of jukebox. I beg your pardon? Granted. A jukebox against that wall, 500 quid's worth of chromium-plated melody. Huh, what price culture?

[00:08:52]>> 35 quid to you, love. Mind you, it only plays 78s, you know what I mean? Still, there's a lot of good stuff left, you know what I mean? Donald Peers, Johnny Ray, two and a half liter Rosa. They're all due for a comeback. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll move in here while you're away and you won't recognize it when you come back.

[00:09:04]>> I'm quite sure that the brewery will place a manager in charge here who will keep the Rovers up to our standards.

[00:09:10]Hey, Spider, come here. I've got summat.

[00:09:11]Who's the captain? Very good. Look at that. Portable transistor tape recorder, twin track with with four Japanese batteries. How much?

[00:09:19]>> Remote control mic, positively brand new. Press that button and away you go.

[00:09:22]How much?

[00:09:23]>> 40 bob.

[00:09:24]Hey, that's not bad, is it? Yeah, well, it's bankrupt stock, you see. It's bankrupt stock. The poor fellow had to settle for three shillings in the pound, you know. Them tears went straight to me wallet. Why? Well, he had to He only got 30 quid, didn't he, for his poor old grandmother? Lovely silver hair she had.

[00:09:35]Lovely it was. She could sit on it, you know. Sit on it till the cat got out of it. She's bald as a coot now.

[00:09:41]Hey, I thought you said that this was new. Ah, well, it's a demonstration tape, you see, love. It's a demonstration tape, you know what I mean? It just shows you its staggering possibilities. A mate of mine took this to a big dance at Widnes, you know what I mean? And during the ladies excuse me, he put it in the ladies cloakroom.

[00:09:54]Gee, I thought he'd never get away from him. Hey, haven't you got funny ears?

[00:09:59]She's flushed with success, isn't she?

[00:10:02]Hey, let's go and have a snog, he says.

[00:10:04]Looks like it's to me.

[00:10:06]These boots are made for walking, and that.

[00:10:09]Hey, what's Jedstone like? Is he a good kisser then? Now that you see, um, to wipe that off, you just roll it back and record over it. You know what I mean?

[00:10:18]Hello, Mr. Sharples. Can I get you something? How you can look me in the eye and say that, you little ants clean.

[00:10:24]Mr. Sharples. Oh, don't bring it, little orphan Annie. Look here, you're not mooning at Jack Walker now. Would you please kindly explain yourself? Did you or did you not serve me a meat pie last night?

[00:10:34]>> Well, yes. And was it considered fit for human consumption when it left your manicured hands? Of course.

[00:10:39]>> Well, then why have I been up all night with my stomach rumbling out the anvil chorus? Do I understand you correctly?

[00:10:44]Are you accusing my meat pie? Well, I'm not talking about your milk stout. That comes in bottles. Mr. Sharples, in the whole of my years in the trade, I have never harbored a doubtful meat pie. I would thank you to look elsewhere for the cause of your disagreeable stomach.

[00:10:57]As a matter of fact, Mr. Walker himself had one of those meat pies last night.

[00:11:01]Oh, I wondered why it wasn't about it as a family affair. It can't anybody attend.

[00:11:06]>> Yes, Mrs. Ogden. Uh, two meat pies, please, Mrs. Walker. Yes, dear. And you couldn't have come at a more opportune moment. You see, not everyone shares your unfavorable views. Thank goodness.

[00:11:18]You're pushing your luck, aren't you?

[00:11:19]You're alive in her absence. What do you mean? Them pies. Meat your maker pies.

[00:11:23]That's what she ought to call them. I like them. And when you've got two fellas to feed, they come in very handy.

[00:11:28]Yes, but they won't catch me, eating it.

[00:11:29]What, two fellas? My Stan and our paying guest. Paying guest? You mean you've got a lodger?

[00:11:34]>> Yeah. Do you know him? Jim Mount? Oh, that cheeky arse fellow. Fancy his Elsie to Oh, I see.

[00:11:41]>> What? Moving in next door, nothing up his campaign.

[00:11:44]That's got nowt to do with it, see. Hey, they broke the mold of when they made you. What do you mean?

[00:11:51]I'm saying no more.

[00:11:55]Did you or did you not serve me with a meat pie last night? Well, yes. And was it considered fit for human consumption when it left your manicured hands?

[00:12:05]Good morning.

[00:12:06]Hello, Dad.

[00:12:08]Morning, Mum. All right.

[00:12:10]Hey, do you fancy a wet today? Drop a brew here for you. All right, ah. Be sociable. You can't, eh?

[00:12:17]I had a bet last night, didn't we? Uh, stopping. All right.

[00:12:20]Here, hold that.

[00:12:26]I fancy a drop of Nelson's blood, mister. No, thanks. Oh, fancy yourself.

[00:12:31]How about you, Admiral? You know me, mate.

[00:12:37]Chap got hanged at Lancaster once cuz he didn't drink, you know. Get away. All right.

[00:12:43]See, in the old days, they used to take condemned men straight from castle down Moor Lane.

[00:12:50]And when they got them to the corner of Brewery Lane, they used to stop for a while so he could have a last yard of ale in the Golden Lion.

[00:12:57]But of course, this fellow being a teetotaler, he just never stopped, see.

[00:13:01]Well.

[00:13:02]Well.

[00:13:04]He'd been swinging for 10 minutes when the message came through to say he'd been reprieved.

[00:13:09]Now, if he'd stopped for a drink, he'd been spared, wouldn't he? Poor fool him.

[00:13:13]Oh, well, he's two abstinent friends.

[00:13:15]Abstinent.

[00:13:19]There, hey up. What do you want? Oh, Jerry would have a smiling face, you know. Hey, does Vernon got side me out here? Oh, I'm on it. All right, first time. Well, he's been on the phone complaining about nobody having fixed his ceiling in the summer. I thought I'd talk to him. Well, I told him to get outside. Nobody's been.

[00:13:37]Look, you better get back to office soon. Ring him and tell him that I'll go round tomorrow. All right, all right.

[00:13:43]Oh, if old Sharples not come trotting round here, ring me. I've stuck a message in office. I thought they might be giving away a few free samples. Oh, well, you thought wrong. Now, fig off.

[00:13:51]All right, then. Herman.

[00:13:57]Mr. Fairclough, I'd like to have a word with you.

[00:14:01]Mr. Fairclough. I know. I'd like to have a word with you, please. I think it's important.

[00:14:06]That is the worst in Gaffer's just.

[00:14:09]What's burning you up then? Now, you know very well this Gartsides job. What about it? What you told me you'd done it a fortnight ago. I mean, a fortnight ago. So, I must have done it. Oh, no, don't come that with me. You know very well you haven't.

[00:14:20]Well, so what? We can't afford to lose customers like Mr. Gartside. I mean, we can't. Who got that job in the first place? I did me.

[00:14:26]>> Well, he was still at school making a little pipe rack. Yes, I know you got him in the first place, but it doesn't mean doesn't mean to say I've got to sit back while you lose him again. And he wouldn't be the first customer to give us the boot just lately, either. I was the one who built this business up in the first place. I was the one that took you in, remember?

[00:14:40]Well, you've been saying things like that over and over again for months.

[00:14:43]Well, I'm just about fed up with it.

[00:14:45]All right. All right, this business is going down the drain. I'm not going to thank you for for for half a share and no turn off the debts and all.

[00:14:53]You're still wet behind the ears. The eye am, maybe. But I'll tell you something. If you carry on like that, boozing all the time, you know what's going to happen? You're going to end up like him.

[00:15:04]Now, now, go on. Take a good look because that is going to be you.

[00:15:20]You fancy a swallower?

[00:15:27]>> [music] [music] >> Job all right. You win. Two pints, Mrs. Walker, please. How do you do it? She said 20 minutes. You know, Stan, there's one thing a married woman hates, and that's a bachelor. I saw it as a married man. What's that got to do with it?

[00:16:04]Well, your Hilda's determined to show the advantages of married life. No, no, no, Annie.

[00:16:09]Huh? Do you know I had to I had to work very hard with the charm bit to plant it the idea in her mind.

[00:16:13]And two day bends, please.

[00:16:16]You know that's your fourth pint, Mr. Ogden. I'm all right, Annie. All right, oh, bye-bye, love.

[00:16:22]Of course I know it's your lunch hour, but I'm afraid Mrs. Ogden is going to think that I'm letting you get into bad habits or bad company.

[00:16:32]Oh, hi.

[00:16:33]Hi. You be all right, then? Yeah. Same time, same place? Mm.

[00:16:37]Great.

[00:16:38]I'll be seeing you, dolly.

[00:16:40]Okay, Chuck.

[00:16:43]I'll have a pint of your mixed brew, love. Hey, have you shown your birth certificate? I'm 19, Grandma. And less of the Grandma. Begging if you want a man, you'd have to be smart in bed now.

[00:16:52]Yeah. Yes, in my time, you used to knock some sense and respect into you. What happened since the psychologist started in? Enlighten me. You happened and a few million more besides are the most godless, goneless generation this country's ever seen.

[00:17:03]Look, I'm just coming here for a drink. I've not smashed up a telephone box all week.

[00:17:08]Now, look, is there something I can do for you? Did you tell Jerry Booth I want to see him?

[00:17:13]I told him. Mr. Booth will be round this evening, all right?

[00:17:19]We go with afters and off to go to the slaughter.

[00:17:22]>> You are. Proverbs. Oh, yes, they're nice.

[00:17:25]>> Hello, neighbor. Oh, hello. How did you know I'd find you in here?

[00:17:28]>> Personal magnetism drew you towards me.

[00:17:31]Hey, she was going on about oxes. Who?

[00:17:34]Chief blood letter and tooth drawer, Annie Sharples. Oh. Mind you, she went round to see our Dennis this afternoon.

[00:17:39]It could have turned her mind completely, you know. Still in bed? I can't shift him. I suppose your personal magnetism couldn't get him out, could you?

[00:17:45]>> Well, if you want him out of the bed, I'll get him out of the bed. Beat me, I might tell you. Well, I can I can do it, Elsie.

[00:17:51]Well, look, I don't mind a bit of tear gas, but to object to forest fire.

[00:17:56]No, no, no. We'll apply a more subtle approach. But first of all, let's have a drink before we attack the beast.

[00:18:01]>> I'm with him.

[00:18:02]Of course. Then why was I up all night What do you think, Spot? 45 bob. Yes, 45 bob. That's only to you, mind. Oh, yeah.

[00:18:08]I mean, when you're dealing with a mate, you know what I mean? Who wants to worry about a percentage?

[00:18:11]>> Oh, that's the road I feel. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Yes, as the maggot said to the traffic lights. What?

[00:18:15]As the maggot said, oh, forget it. You want it or not? Yeah, well, I don't know. I'll tell you tonight. You leave it with me till then, will you? Yes, all right. You hang on to it and I'll come back. You have a little play with it.

[00:18:23]Okay.

[00:18:26]Hello. Is that the FBI? Oh, you mean the fuzz. Hello, Sonny Jim. Hello, Mum. What are you doing here? Well, I didn't want to interrupt you, you know.

[00:18:34]Oh, that's only a disembodied voice. We buried the rest of it. Oh, and is Dennis going to take the rap? Oh, it's a talking voice recorder.

[00:18:43]Hello. Hello, Mr. Sonny Jim.

[00:18:46]How did you get in there to talk to that? She doesn't hold with new inventions. That's just what I've been wondering, Mrs. Caldwell.

[00:18:52]I brought you some scallops to help to build up your resistance. Mrs. Caldwell, I keep telling you I'm not ill.

[00:19:00]There's a place in my heart for someone, for a girl who'd be faithful and true.

[00:19:13]If you think you could love me forever, there's a place in my heart for you.

[00:19:25]Is that how it's all the king's horses?

[00:19:27]Well, no. I I compose that. It's a Dennis Tanner original.

[00:19:32]Oh, Dennis, it sounds just like a real song. And did you make up the words and all? Mhm. Oh, and you made it rhyme, didn't you? It must be very difficult.

[00:19:41]>> No, not really.

[00:19:43]But it comes natural when you've got a gift, you know, eh? These scallops are very nice. Have another. Mm, I haven't had one yet, you know. Right.

[00:19:49]There's a place in heart for someone.

[00:19:56]For a girl who'd be faithful and true.

[00:20:02]If you think >> You sound like Carl Brisson. Who? He were a boxer.

[00:20:07]Oh, thank you very much. Oh, but he sang as well. Oh, he had lovely little dimples in The Merry Widow.

[00:20:13]Is there any more? Two more verses. Oh, it would sound lovely on Ena's harmonium. Harmonium?

[00:20:20]>> Well, she plays by ear, you know. You just hum something to her and she plays it. Then she puts all her little twiddly bits in. It's her gift. That's not a bad idea. Oh, I wish I had a gift. I haven't got one.

[00:20:32]Your wish has come true, Mrs. Mrs. Goldwell. You've got one.

[00:20:36]>> Have I? You have just introduced a new Rodgers to a new Hammerstein. If Mrs. Sharples can write down the little dots, we're in business. Words and music by Tanner and Sharples.

[00:20:45]>> [screaming] >> They all horse men, you know.

[00:20:50]Things were different in them days.

[00:20:53]Folk had a bit of respect for you if you knew how to handle a horse.

[00:20:58]You know, we used to call him Oily Jack.

[00:21:01]Sounded lovely when he called.

[00:21:04]I remember it grandly.

[00:21:07]You know, Len, I used to feed that horse a bucket of ale every night.

[00:21:12]We were in it together, you know, we did.

[00:21:15]Attached to the artillery we were.

[00:21:17]You got to like him, you know, Len.

[00:21:19]I do say, you were just like And he got gassed.

[00:21:24]You never think of that, do you? Horses being gassed by the Huns. But he was.

[00:21:29]They never thought to give horses gas masks.

[00:21:33]He was tethered up by a rope, too, you know. But he were running away.

[00:21:38]Look, I'm very busy, Jessop. I don't want to listen to you now. Yes, I'm not in the way, am I? Yes. What do you want to say? HEY, WHERE'S THAT CEMENT?

[00:21:46]HAVEN'T YOU DONE IT YET? I COULD DO THIS WHOLE BLASTED JOB QUICKER THAN YOU.

[00:21:49]COULD YOU?

[00:21:50]RIGHT, THEN GET ON WITH IT. HAVE YOU GOT YOUR CARDS WITH YOU?

[00:21:53]COME ON, THEN, I'LL GIVE YOU A GAME.

[00:21:55]HEY, HERE, I'll tell you what. Just have a bit of interest and have a shilling on it, mate. Right.

[00:22:03]Oh. Oh, very kinky.

[00:22:06]DENNIS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF THAT BED?

[00:22:08]>> I'M SORRY, MOTHER. Uncle James if only I'd have known you were going to throw a bucket of water over my bed, I never got up. Dennis, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP? I've got a job.

[00:22:15]Oh, Dennis, you haven't.

[00:22:17]>> I have. What doing? Well, I'll be working from home. Well, what doing? I'm writing songs with Ena Sharples.

[00:22:24]There's a place in my heart Another cup, Chuck? Oh, no, thanks, Mrs. Ogden. Sunny Jim will be wanting his tea.

[00:22:33]I've done him his nectar of the gods.

[00:22:36]His what? Well, that's what he calls it.

[00:22:38]Tayto Ash, really.

[00:22:40]>> Oh.

[00:22:42]Um Mrs. Goldwell, can I ask you something?

[00:22:45]Yes, if you want. Well, um what does Sunny Does Jed pay you? Oh. Oh, I I don't mean to embarrass you, love, but it's just that I've been wondering what to charge Mr. Mahoney. Oh, well, it's not that it's embarrassing. It's just that it's difficult to say. Oh. Well, you see, he pays me in different ways. Now, last week he gave me a pound note and 800 cigarette coupons so I can send off for a lovely present.

[00:23:10]>> Oh, I see. And then he puts things all around the house for me. He thinks I don't know. What sort of things? Well, like when me tea caddy is nearly empty, suddenly fills up again. I haven't bought any tea since he come back.

[00:23:24]>> Ooh, hey, that's all right.

[00:23:25]>> And it's the same with soap powder and tins of cat food for Bobby.

[00:23:30]Now, I I I know this sounds silly, only I think it upsets him giving me money.

[00:23:37]You know, it's as if it might change everything. Oh, well, so long as you don't lose on it.

[00:23:43]>> Oh, no, I don't. I've never been so well off. Oh, well, thanks ever so much for the tea. I'll be on my way. Cheerio, then.

[00:23:52]Cheerio, Mrs. Ogden.

[00:23:54]Hello, there. Oh, hello. Are you coming in?

[00:23:57]>> I am, ma'am. I am.

[00:23:58]Hello. Bye-bye now.

[00:24:02]Uh um Well, they are lamb lamb lamb chops. That's the best I can manage from the abattoir.

[00:24:10]Oh.

[00:24:11]Yeah.

[00:24:13]Oh.

[00:24:14]Uh how much do I owe you, then? Oh, nothing, nothing. Abattoir's compliments. You don't want anything knocking off? I'd accept a case of Irish whiskey. No, I mean knocking off your bill. No, it's a present. Oh, well, thanks ever so much, then. That's all right, not worth a mention. Uh can I talk money with you just for a minute or two? Certainly, yes. Well, um uh how much was you paying before? Well, in uh my comfortable home for working class men, Irish men welcome, Mrs. Duggan, bless her, only charged me £2.10, but then of course she only gave me breakfast. Oh, and I'd be doing your tea, wouldn't I? I.

[00:24:49]Well, um how does uh how does £4 a week sound? Ooh, reasonable, reasonable, reasonable. All right, that's settled, then. £4 a week. Lovely. I go upstairs and get me shirt on.

[00:25:01]>> All right, see you in half an hour.

[00:25:02]>> LOVELY. RIGHT. OH, HELLO, STAN. How are you? See you in a minute. See you in a minute.

[00:25:07]Hey, is everything all right? Yeah, why shouldn't it be? With Jim, I mean.

[00:25:10]Yes, we've just come to a financial arrangement, mutually satisfactory. Oh, well, do I get a cut, then, for introducing him, you know, 10%? You cheeky Keep that gun. Oh, come on, a little bit for you, a little bit for me, eh?

[00:25:23]Oh, well, what's 10% of £2.10 a week?

[00:25:26]10% of 50 bob 5 bob. All right. You can have 5 bob a week extra spends. Oh, thanks very much, old love.

[00:25:42]Here me. There's another shilling you owe me.

[00:25:47]>> [clears throat] >> Feel better?

[00:25:51]Mr. Beer bottle, CAN YOU PASS ME THAT CLAW HAMMER? I'M BLEEDING. Shut up, mate.

[00:25:55]No wonder you win.

[00:25:57]MR. BEER BOTTLE, THAT CLAW HAMMER.

[00:26:00]SHALL I GIVE IT TO HIM?

[00:26:02]Used to be um matey said that he could do the job himself. Don't let him.

[00:26:07]All right.

[00:26:09]He didn't give me that other shilling, did he? No.

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