You Need Oxytocin Not Dopamine

[00:00:00]What up my people? You need oxytocin, not dopamine. Both are necessary for life, for survival, for living happily.

[00:00:09]But basing your life off of dopamine is destructive, while going towards oxytocin is very helpful. Oxytocin lets you connect with reality. It lets you connect with yourself and the world around you. Dopamine is simply about survival, about feeding your ego. It feeds that ego with validation, money, status, relationships. What is external creates good feelings, pleasurable feelings, but these are only temporary.

[00:00:37]If you have insecurity, low self-worth, a disconnect, this gets revealed when the validation fails, when either you get invalidated or the pleasurable feelings of validation fade away. That is when what a person lacks gets revealed. Many times they will chase even more validation, more money, more status, more relationships, more material possessions. This creates a never-ending cycle. People get validation, they feel empty, they seek more of it. This can go back and forth.

[00:01:11]Oxytocin comes from building one's self-worth outside of external validation, finding purpose in the world. An example can be these videos that I make. I find joy from it. No one ever told me to do them. At first, I started it for my own validation. I knew it would also get me external validation, but the reason was that I wanted to do it, that I wanted to help people online through my videos. I've chased validation in the past, and every time I have gotten what I wanted, I felt empty afterwards. I would start self-reflecting. My insecurities, my low self-worth would all come out. It was only when I sought my own validation, when I did what I actually wanted, that I could build internal self-worth, that I could find my security outside of relationships. When you build your own internal security, you will generate your own oxytocin. You will feel more connected with yourself. It is also done by doing what you have to for you, staying healthy for you, learning for you, learning what you want, making money for your survival, not for external validation, not for women, not for men, not for material possessions, simply for your life, for you, not to impress others. Oxytocin is about going along your own path, figuring out the journey you wish to embark on, rather than attaching your worth or who you are to an end goal. Goals always change.

[00:02:42]They don't last. It's the journey that makes people genuinely happy. One of the biggest differences between oxytocin and dopamine is how it helps with cortisol, with stress. Dopamine can remove it temporarily. Oxytocin makes a much steadier baseline. You will feel much happier, no matter how much cortisol you have, no matter how much stress there is. Dopamine only removes it for a little bit. It lets the stress disappear for only a bit. Then it always returns and potentially even worse. Oxytocin lets you handle the stresses of life, the stresses of conflict, and makes you feel good regardless of what's going on.

[00:03:25]Dopamine is simply meant to put your attention on things, to help you survive, which is why I attach it to the journey, to my daily routine, to my work, to what I have to do, rather than the outcomes. Generating oxytocin also means doing what's right for you, leaving disrespectful, unhealthy people behind and going towards what is good for you, what is healthy, what is authentic, what respects you, and what you can respect in return. If you stay around people who are insecure, who disrespect you, who are mean, who don't want you to grow, you will stay like them. You will be forced to seek their validation, but you will also lose your own validation, your own respect, your own self. Moving on to the right people is self-respect. Oxytocin is built upon things like respect, trust, intimacy, building these things with yourself and other people. Learning to set boundaries, learning to be vulnerable, being respectful and kind and making sure other people are respectful and kind towards you. The more you embody this, the more oxytocin you will have.

[00:04:35]The more healthy bonds you will form.

[00:04:38]The more connected you will feel with reality, nature, with the universe, or even God. Oxytocin is about genuine connection. It also makes you feel more peaceful, no matter how other people react. Those who are used to validation-fueled relationships will often get hostile, aggressive, defensive. Yet, you will trust yourself.

[00:05:01]You will be okay when this happens. You will be calm, cool, collected. Your sense of self, your identity is not attached to what they say. It's not attached to who these other people are.

[00:05:13]It's not attached to their validation.

[00:05:16]So, you will be okay. Oxytocin also helps with traumas. When you store shame and pain in the nervous system from past experiences, relationships, etc., moving towards genuine connection helps you relieve this. It helps you heal this and move towards internal peace. These traumas will have less of a hold on you.

[00:05:37]Usually, they're caused by seeking other people's validation, from having these ingrained beliefs, from being used to validation-seeking behavior. When you move towards what creates genuine connection, what produces oxytocin, it removes this. It slowly releases the shame, the dissonance. It allows you to heal and grow from the trauma. Both dopamine and oxytocin are needed for life. When they work together, you can become a very healthy individual. When you let life get dominated by dopamine, you may feel happy in the moment, but find yourself feeling very empty later on. That is when the cycle of validation-seeking continues. Exit it through oxytocin. If you want to learn more, I have guides on the website in the description. You can also book one-to-one coaching calls on there. Subscribe and comment for more.

[00:06:32]Drizzle. Drizzle.