5 things that nobody told us about moving to Italy

[00:00:03][music] [music] [music] [music] Hello everybody. Hey, my name is Elizabeth and along with my husband Peter and our three young daughters, we left England 8 months ago and moved here to rural Italy to renovate this abandoned farmhouse. I want to share with you in this video the five key cultural differences about Italy that really shocked us when we first moved here, but now we have come to deeply love and appreciate. Our channel here on YouTube is all about sharing with you our process of building this new life in a new country, learning a new language.

[00:00:56]But we know that so many of you have very specific questions about how we make this possible. How do we make money here as expats? What does it really cost to live here in rural Italy, especially as a young family? What's the process like with bureaucracy? How do you buy a car here? There is a lot that we've learned the hard way and we want to share those insights with you so that you don't have to go through some of the processes we've been through. And if you're imagining yourself living in Italy in the future, I really hope that this upcoming series of videos helps you feel confident to take that step.

[00:01:28]So the first key cultural difference which is definitely going to change your life if you move to rural Italy as well is the way that creation of community and the maintenance of community is a really big deal here. As soon as we moved here, we started getting invited to community events. A lot of these are free. I'd say 90% of them are free or like a very small fee. And there really is something on offer for whatever age range. So even if you're a family who doesn't have children yet or you're maybe slightly older, we've noticed that there is a wide range of events on for all kinds of different interests. Even in a rural area like where we are, there are theater performances, there's music shows, there's outdoor festivals and markets, and a lot of these do center around celebrating local food and kind of local history. So, that's something that really we loved and we couldn't have known before we moved here just the wide range of community events that is on offer. Another element that's quite unique here is that everybody is in touch all the time. Facebook and WhatsApp here are a huge thing even with the older demographic. And what surprised me a lot is that when I started to make friends here, my friends really wanted me to be friends with their friends and so would share my phone number with people that I hadn't met. And that was something that was really sweet because I end up now with this wide range of people from all different ages really who I am in touch with. And it also really makes me feel now that we have this wider kind of support network. I know that if there was ever an emergency, I have the contact details of all of my neighbors down the road. A lot of people in the surrounding villages I'm in touch with, which really kind of gives me peace of mind being in a new country and adjusting to a lot and navigating a lot of things for the first time that there really is this community standing behind us as a family, which is very unique, I would say, and very different from what we experienced in England.

[00:03:28]Why is it different from the experience in England though? After having reflected on this, we think it's because the rural areas in England have on the whole become somewhere that you move to when you want more space, when you reach a certain income bracket, and also maybe when you reach a certain age. So, a lot of the beautiful countryside spots in England.

[00:03:54]Cat trying to drink my coffee.

[00:03:58]So a lot of the beautiful countryside spots in England are populated by people who have moved from London for example or have just moved from lots of different areas of the country and what happens then is that you get this real mismatch I think in these rural areas and it's very difficult then to start a feeling of community and a sense of place from scratch. So I think the difference here is that people in rural areas often have stayed there for their entire life and therefore they really have a sense of place and they have a deep sense of connection to that place and a really vested interest in maintaining that local culture and that local identity which I see from locals who are older and also locals who are younger. There's a lot of effort going in to maintain local traditions, local festivals, and there's a lot of celebration locally around local produce, local businesses, you know, and that's that all plays into community as well. So, the second key cultural difference that I want to talk to you about, which was really a beautiful surprise for us as parents and would be something that would definitely make a big difference to your life if you move to Italy with children or you are considering having children in the future is the way that children are treated here and the way that children are encouraged to play in rural Italy from what I've noticed. So, the first element of that is the way that children are treated here and how people respond to children in public. Of course, across all of Italy, Italians are warm. But what we've noticed in rural Italy is that because the demographic here is older, those older people really love seeing young children around. That's definitely the sense that I get. People here seem to understand how children like to be interacted with. So, kids love it if you get down on their level.

[00:05:44]If you smile and wave at them, you know, give them a little sweet. Italians here really seem to get that. And at first that was a shock to me because coming from England I was used to a very different experience out in public as a parent. That's because I think modern life on the whole has made people a lot less tolerant and a lot less practiced at kind of the realities of family life.

[00:06:09]And especially in England you can get the sense that you are being observed a lot with your children. So you're conscious are they being too noisy? Am I in the right place? Is someone kind of giving me a look of impatience? Is there some sighing? You know, it really depends on where you take your children, but often you can get that feeling, at least from somebody in the vicinity of where you are, that your children are a bit of an inconvenience to other people, even if they're well behaved. But in Italy, people seem to love being around children, and children are encouraged to be out and about and playing outside.

[00:06:44]When we moved here in November, all the way through to now, the local park is full. The custom seems to be that children get off the school bus and everybody gathers in the local park.

[00:06:54]Parents and grandparents seated around the outside chatting or just relaxing.

[00:06:58]And all of the children play. There's no screens involved. There's no screaming and shouting from what I've seen. No tantrums, but they all have this wonderful outlet for their energy after school. So, the way that children are treated here, it also extends to how children treat each other here. I've noticed and I think Italian children are very good about welcoming other people, other children into their play. Even though our girls don't speak the same language and they are younger than a lot of the children who are playing in the park, they are still welcomed in very warmly, very genuinely. And even when there are say teenagers in the park, they never give our girls a look or give any indication that it's an inconvenience to be interrupted by a smaller child, which I haven't observed anywhere else actually. So that is definitely something that shocked me, but in a really really good way about moving to this area of rural northern Italy. So the third cultural difference that I want to talk to you about which definitely has changed our life for the better but was a huge shock and kind of put us you know took us a back when we first started having these kinds of interactions is the way that people help you here are willing to help you here and are very generous. You know, those are all positive things, but when we first moved here, we came from a place and an experience in our marriage so far where we were really used to basically just being alone as a couple. Like, we had to figure things out ourselves. We didn't have uh somebody offering help with any kind of practical project. We didn't have someone who would be willing to babysit our kids, for example. And so we were just kind of not in a little bit in survival mode, I think, as a couple where we just knew if we wanted something done, we had to do it oursel and there was no one kind of coming coming to help us or that we could ask without feeling uncomfortable about asking them. It's been a very different experience since moving here. I'll give you a couple of really beautiful examples. Uh the first is that we have a neighbor down the road who is the guy who I mentioned actually in our first ever video who used to work at a commercial vineyard and has been helping my husband to prune our ancient grapevine and kind of recover it, make sure that it's been rescued from all of the brambles. And so he was up here talking to Peter about that and about the projects that Peter has coming up with renovating the house. And Peter said, "Oh, you know, the next thing is I really need to get this water tank to the top of the hill, and I need to dig a trench for the water pipe to come to the house, which is about 100 meters." And totally unprompted, our neighbor said, "I can come and help you with my tractor." And we didn't even know that he had a tractor. And even if he we had known, we would have been reluctant to ask, you know, would you mind? Because that's a big ask, you know, someone to use that kind of big machinery to come and help you. But he offered unprompted.

[00:09:51]And then the amazing thing was is the next day he stopped us as we were driving past his house and said, "Peter, I'm going to come this afternoon. Okay, I'm going to come at 2:00." Which again is very different. Often in England, someone might say, "Oh, you know, we'll have you around." Or, "Yeah, I can help you with that. Sure, like just let me know when." But it's often not genuine or it's kind of like they let it fall and you feel bad about maybe asking them or reminding them that they had said they might help you with something. And here, people follow through. So if they say they're going to do something, they do do it and they do it kind of as soon as they are able to to help you. So the other story that I want to share with you is about our immediate neighbor who's a lovely guy. And when we first moved here, we were looking to buy a car, but I haven't driven in Europe before. And so we didn't really want to be in a situation where we were driving as a family with three children. And then to pick up a new car, I would need to drive back with the kids in the car while my husband drove the new car back.

[00:10:52]And you know, upon hearing this, right away, our neighbor said, you know, I'll drive you, Peter. Like, let's go. You tell me when. Tomorrow morning. Do you want to go buy the car tomorrow morning?

[00:11:01]How about like tomorrow afternoon? And that is kind of the continuing theme with our neighbor that if there's somewhere that like Peter wants to go um and for example soon he needs to go to a timber mill and our neighbor again has suggested that they go together because he has a little pickup truck and then Peter can pick up the wood that he needs without having to strap it to the top of the car. So, so many lovely examples of that where people here are very generous with their time, with their energy, with information they have that like might improve your life. Any kind of like personal connections as well. Like if you say, "Oh, you know, I'm kind of looking into this." They'll say, "Oh, you know, I know a guy. Let me call him.

[00:11:39]I'll I'll ask him for you." So, you know, someone who works at an insurance company, for example, when we're arranging insurance, someone who works with the police if we need any help with immigration, someone who knows about tax stuff so that we can do our, you know, property tax properly. Yeah. So many lovely examples of people really going what I would consider above and beyond, but now I understand is just a part of life in rural Italy. People help each other. So, the fourth cultural difference that I want to talk to you about is the way that food shopping works here, because that did change our life right from the very first week that we were here. Why is it so different from the UK? There's a couple of key elements here. I think three that I'm going to try and mention and get through. The first is that the high street here is dominated by independent businesses and of course that changes the feeling when you're shopping and it changes the range of local produce that is on offer. The second is the way that food is presented here. So even in the supermarket chains, which there are some in major towns, food, fresh food is open. You select your own. And that kind of shopping really forces you to slow down and think consciously about what you're going to nourish your body with.

[00:12:44]What is seasonal? What do you want to cook for your family? What kind of flavors are on offer? So it has really changed the way that I shop and is changing my approach to food, I would say. Because in England, the food shop was something that was a chore. It was functional. It's about efficiency. And that attitude to food shopping actually carries over to the way that you cook food. I think it becomes this thing like well how quickly can I cook dinner? How efficient can I make this? And in the process I lost a lot of joy about food shopping about choosing my food and about cooking food and really having fun in the kitchen and experimenting. And I have for been forced to do that here because I'm cooking for a different climate. I'm cooking with different ingredients and even the process of choosing my food and the food that's on offer is very different. The third element though about food shopping here which is different is the fact that market culture is a big thing here and it is accessible to you even if you don't have a big budget. So the weekly market here runs all year. It is a social highlight of the week for sure.

[00:13:47]It is packed with people of all ages just going to get their favorite things from their favorite vendors. And it's a really lovely place to go and be and be social and people watch and have a coffee and get some fresh bread or fresh fish or a dust pan and brush, whatever you need. Basically, they sell it at the local market, including power tools like chainsaws and chickens. Uh we bought our chickens at the local market, so that was also really fun. That is very different from England because the markets there can feel a little bit elite these days. You need a big budget to go and afford that type of fresh bread, that type of cheese, those garden plants. But here, that is not the case.

[00:14:25]It's very much a highlight of the week, and it is a key component of where you get what you need if you're in rural Italy. The fifth and final cultural difference that I want to talk to you about is something that I am still adjusting to, but I know is going to make me a better friend, I think, I hope, and a better host. So, the way that socializing works here and the way that hosting works here is very different from the UK. And it's not just the stereotype that people have long lunches here, although that is true. It is also stuff that I didn't know until I moved here and I couldn't have known before I started to socialize with our new friends and also invite them over.

[00:15:08]So, there's a few key differences that I want to highlight. The first is that there is a lot of thought here put into how the table is laid. I've noticed that people really make it beautiful and I admire that. I think it's gorgeous. And there's also a lot of thought into the comfort of your guests. So, a meal is not thrown together for you. It is prepared for you. probably many hours before you arrive actually from what I've noticed. And there is also always something on the table when you arrive.

[00:15:35]So there's no pressure, there's no formality that you must wait for the main course in order to sit down. You arrive, there's bread sticks on the table, faukacia, fresh fruit, maybe some salad, salami. Salami always seems to be on the table and drinks. So there's no um kind of awkwardness that you arrive and maybe you're hungry and you want a snack, especially when you're with kids.

[00:15:59]The kids can help themselves and it doesn't seem to bother anybody here that the kids eat the majority of the snacks on the table and then they run off and play and maybe they're not that interested in the main course. It doesn't seem to bother anyone. So the the thought that goes into the meal and the hosting I would say is a lot. But the actual atmosphere at the table while you're socializing is very relaxed. And I think Italians here have a gift for making people feel welcome, for making making people feel important and that they really are interested in you and in spending time with you. We've had so many beautiful experiences recently being hosted by our Italian friends and just lingering over this meal. just these beautiful moments that really have stopped me in my tracks and made me say, "Thank you, God, for this beautiful life that I'm living." And thank you, God, for these friends, for these new friends in an area of the world I've never lived before. The other side of socializing in Italy, which is very different, is people do drop in on you here. And I love that because in England, we always hoped that people would drop in on us more. We always said to our neighbors, just come for coffee, you know, because we worked from home. And there was one person who did it. And that was always such a beautiful surprise that he came for coffee and sometimes he stayed for lunch or he stayed for cake or some ice cream. And people really do that here.

[00:17:19]They drop in just to see how you are.

[00:17:21]They drop in to bring you something or just to chat or cuz they haven't seen you for a while. I think especially because we have children, people love to drop in. And I'll leave you with an example. So the lady who we bought the house from, she lived here as a little girl. And the other week she came to bring me zucchini flowers from her garden. And then she told me in Italian, and I had to concentrate really hard to understand what she was saying, how to cook them in Italian. And then that evening, that's what I did. And so I learned something new. I used these beautiful seasonal ingredients. It felt like such a treat to be brought something new and encouraged to try something new by someone who used to live here. And she didn't want a coffee.

[00:18:04]She didn't want anything. She couldn't stay because she was kind of r, you know, going off for another errand. But she just asked me if I could fill up her water bottle because she remembers how the mountain water here tastes so good.

[00:18:15]And she still remembers that from her childhood. So, I love it that we still have that connection with her. She wants to have that connection with us and kind of the next chapter of this house and its story. I really hope that you guys enjoyed me taking you through these five cultural differences about Italy. Maybe some of them surprised you, maybe they didn't, but definitely for us, these were things that people weren't talking about when we were researching what life might be like here. And we found it quite difficult to imagine what the feeling would be like here. We really didn't know. We just knew that we fell in love with the house and we wanted to make a fresh start. I think the theme across all of these things is that in rural Italy, it demands something of you that modern life has taken away from many of us, and that is to be fully present. I know that sounds like a cliche, but the way that food shopping works here, the way that you socialize, the way that people interact with you, what it tells me is that Italians here are very good at giving something their full attention. They'll give you their full attention if you're their guest.

[00:19:17]They want to give you, you know, your children um their full attention if they're interacting with them. that slowing down and that genuine connection adds beauty to our life that I wouldn't trade for any level of efficiency or speed or anything else that I was used to in England. Um, these cultural differences are things that I love now and I'm so grateful that they're part of our everyday life here in rural Italy. I look forward to seeing you guys all here again soon for one of our upcoming videos. If you haven't already subscribed, I really hope that you'll stick around and follow along on this journey. If you've got any questions, drop them down below. I'm off to water my garden. I need to water the watermelons [music] and my pumpkins.

[00:19:59]Okay, [music] take care. Bye.

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