toxic boundary-stomping mothers-in-law

Added: 2026-06-04

[00:00:00]Hi dudes. I'm Brooke and I'm married, which means I have in-laws. Luckily, my husband's family has always been literally the best to me and I genuinely love them so much. Making this video was kind of funny because I legitimately won the lottery with my in-laws. But I actually think that gives me a unique perspective in its own way. So, shout out to my mother-in-law cuz while I was researching for this video, I became more and more grateful for her with every video I came across. The nightmare mother-in-law or monster-in-law stereotype is extremely common in culture. And from the public venting people do online, it seems like it's for very good reason. And with everything, of course, there are like a million reasons that this happens. And in pretty much all of the video examples I'm going to show you today, the conflicts are between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. So, while that is certainly not the only type of in-law conflict, I'm going to use that one as the example pretty frequently. So, bear with me. Bear with me. Where? No, guys, I'm just kidding. There's not actually a bear with me. I just love that joke. And I also love today's video sponsor, WhatNot. In fact, I love it very much.

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[00:02:20]A big reason, and probably the most obvious, that people tend to have conflict with their mothers in-law is that you don't choose them. They're a package deal with your partner. So, you can find the most wonderful, perfect partner in the entire world and then slowly find out over time that their mother drives you crazy or is crazy. My mother-in-law once told my husband, "Choose her or me." And that wasn't even close to the worst of it. Because while obviously we don't choose our own families either, there's a big difference. and that's that most of the time your family all has a certain culture so to speak whether or not you all agree on most things. There are typically norms, commonalities, and just general ways of doing things within families that make things more familiar.

[00:03:00]Whereas being around someone else's family can feel really disarming cuz it's like why are we breaking all these unspoken rules that my family has? And this will always pose small learning experiences in a relationship where you find out that what you grew up with being the norm isn't the norm for your partner. So, you find compromises that work for you as a couple. Every couple that's together for a long time kind of sets up their own rules for their interactions and if they live together for their household. But when you're with family, that goes out the window.

[00:03:27]Your parents don't know the conversations that you've had as a couple or the little side eyes you've given each other over little actions that have led to where you are now. They just interact with you the same way they always have.

[00:03:39]Another small thing about the in-laws issue that I've heard a lot of people complain about online that's actually really funny is that the qualities about your partner that bug you, guess who we learned them from? I've seen quite a few people post online, mostly joking, about how there's like a specific thing that their partner does that drives them crazy and then they go to their in-laws house and one of his parents is doing it too. And this is of course more of an unserious like ick than it is an actual issue. But I'm sure if you're already having issues with your in-laws, hearing your mother-in-law smack her food or something when she eats when that's something your husband does that bugs you would just send you over the edge.

[00:04:13]You just thinking about living with someone who smacks their [ __ ] food when they eat is actually pissing me off. Like I said that as like an extreme quick example, but I've actually kind of like rage baited myself a little bit. To be fair though, I live with Navy and she smacks her food really hard, but when she does it, it's cute.

[00:04:34]Anyway, the horrible mother-in-law trope does go way further though than just she's annoying. As I so bluntly referenced in the title of this video, the actual reason I gathered you all here today was to talk about mothers-in-law who are actually exhibiting more harmful behavior. Side note, I know that it's grammatically correct to say mother'sin-law as the plural, but everything in me wants to just say mother-in-laws. Mother's just feels incorrect to me. I don't know what it is, but I'm going to do what's right, even if it's hard. Anyway, these toxic mothersin-law sometimes start this behavior even before the wedding. Like in this video where she says, "You thought your mother-in-law was bad? Mine threw all the save the dates I made for our wedding in a bucket of water. They all had stamps and return address labels already." For those of you that aren't married or have never had to buy upwards of 200 or more cards for anything and then put them in envelopes and put stamps and all of that on them, that was a lot of money. and a huge chore that she just threw in that [ __ ] water.

[00:05:34]Save the dates aren't typically as expensive as actual wedding invites, but it is common for them to cost around like 200 bucks at least. And stamps are also weirdly expensive, too. They're at least like $20 for a sheet of 20 of them. So, if you're sending out 200 wedding invites, that's around another $200 just for [ __ ] stamps. Dude, I was so pissed off when I found that out for my wedding. And not even to mention how annoying that much envelope stuffing is. Aside from the physical harm here, though, this is such a glaring red sign of disrespect and a slap in the [ __ ] face to your relationship. I don't know if this was the first offense for this person, but it wouldn't matter to me.

[00:06:10]This would be my last straw regardless.

[00:06:11]And there's also a creator I came across who tells a lot of stories of her in-laws being unhinged, and one of those was also before their wedding. Truly, no one can prepare you for being part of the crazy in-laws club. Here are some things that my in-laws do to me. I'm going to start off with a story about my mother-in-law and one thing she has done over the years. Like I said, I've been married to my husband for almost three years. So, of course, I went wedding dress shopping. It was still COVIDish times when I was wedding dress shopping.

[00:06:37]Very few people with me when I was trying on dresses with just my mom and my sister. And that was it. Also, it was in a completely different state than where my mother-in-law lives cuz she does not live where we live. Yeah, I got married in 2022, so I was dress shopping in like 2021ish and I was still only allowed a limited number of guests at most of the shops as well. But I think that can also be less stressful sometimes. Too many cooks in the kitchen is not helpful when you're trying to make a decision that's like actually best for you. Had picked out a dress and I posted it on to my socials that I had said yes to the dress. Obviously not a picture of the dress and I leave the store. We're driving home. It's like a 45minute drive home and I get a call 5 minutes after I had posted on my socials that I had picked out a dress and I get a call from the bridal store. They call me super sweet. It was the girl I had just worked with. So nice. She's just like, "Hey, I just want to let you know your mother-in-law just called and she's wondering what dress you picked out."

[00:07:29]Um, and she wants she wants to see what it looks like. Then why didn't she call her daughter-in-law? You know, the women at the shop were gagged when they got that call. If I was working that day, I would have had to pass the phone to somebody else so I didn't accidentally speak my [ __ ] mind. W employees, though, for not just showing the dress.

[00:07:45]I'm sure they deal with [ __ ] like this all the time, though. The decision to go behind her back instead of just asking her outright is so shady and it just speaks to the intentions because why the [ __ ] wouldn't you just text her and say something along the lines of like, "Hey, I saw you picked a dress out. I'd love to see it." It feels like she wanted to see it against her will, which is super gross and weird. She said, "But I told her I would have to ask you first and so I am calling you to let you know that she did this and like do you want us to show her? We don't have to show her. I can show her something different." like she was being so nice about it. And of course, I'm like profusely apologized. Like, I'm so sorry she called you. That's not okay.

[00:08:20]Whatever. And mind you, she had not talked to me at all about this. She just called them. So, to not cause any more problems in our relationship, I just told them, "You know what? Whatever.

[00:08:29]Fine. Just show her the dress. Who cares, right? Not that big of a deal.

[00:08:31]It's a dress." See, I feel like that was too nice. I get why she did it, of course, but I feel like the move would have been to like text the mother-in-law and say like, "The bridal shop called me to let me know you were interested in seeing my dress. I can send you a picture if you'd like." Like it's objectively nice, but it does let her know that, you know. Are you sure? We'll just show her the stock photo. We won't show her like any photos of your dress that you tried on like of you. Like, we'll just do it that way. I was like, great, fine. Thank you. So, sorry again.

[00:08:57]Like, thanks for doing this. Hang up the phone. I'm pretty upset about it. So, I told my husband right away. And so, later that day, I was with him and he called her about it, asking her about it. Asked her why she would do that.

[00:09:08]That's not okay. That's not respectful.

[00:09:10]Autumn wants it to be a surprise for the wedding for everyone to see. She completely She completely denied it. She completely denied calling them. Said it was crazy.

[00:09:20]Said I was making the story up, that she would never do anything like that. She doesn't even know where I got the dress from. Anyway, basically calling me a liar and calling the bridal shop a liar because they have time for that and so do I, right? That's one crazy thing she's done. Why would she even think to make that up though? Like that's so random. I would never even think a bridal shop would be allowed to give away like client info like that in the first place. So, if I was her trying to like concoct some lie, that's like the last thing I would think of. Isn't there like bridal gown HIPPA? Well, all things considered, it could be worse because when the wedding does come, there are some mothers-in-law who wear white to their kids' weddings. Like this person who posted point of view, mother-in-law wears a bridal dress to your wedding.

[00:10:00]And then she included a photo of the actual listing of an actual [ __ ] bridal gown. Oh my god. Oh, maybe that's why the last girl's mother-in-law called the bridal shop. She wanted to make sure she didn't order the same bridal gown.

[00:10:16]That makes sense. In all seriousness, she genuinely would not be let into my wedding until she changed. I would hold up the ceremony. I don't care. Like, I don't care if she wears pajamas. She's not wearing a [ __ ] wedding dress to my wedding. Like, do you want to marry your son? It gives I want to marry my [ __ ] son. It's just such weird and tacky behavior. There are fewer things in this world that get me more [ __ ] worked up than people wearing white to weddings because there are unlimited color options and you chose the only one that you're not supposed to wear. Even the people who are like, "Oh, there's some white on this dress, but it's not enough to be an issue, right?" Why are you even worrying about it when you can just pick something different? Just pick a different color, dude. wear any other [ __ ] color. But moving on, cuz I could crash out about that for [ __ ] hours. A big part of the reason for this tension is that when someone gets married or gets into a living together type partnership with another person, they typically start their own little family unit. That couple is now each other's immediate family, and they are one another's first priority. But some mothers have a really hard time with that transition because they're used to being their kid's first priority or being the only person their kid is loyal to. But the thing is, it should be a good thing that your son's first priority is his wife now and not you?

[00:11:30]That's a quality of a good husband. And don't you want your son to be a good husband? But I don't think they think of it that way. A lot of these toxic mothers-in-law blame everything on the daughters-in-law because it's easier than accepting that your son might not want to spend every [ __ ] second with you or that he has a problem with some of your behavior. This Tik Tok really sums up the way that I think a lot of them think about it. You have the daughter-in-law from hell. At least I don't have a glitchy filter on. You have a relationship with your son and it's a great relationship. You've always had mutual understanding, enjoyment. You love him. He loves you. Brings home a girl. And she changes everything, right?

[00:12:10]Everything gets changed. They get married and all of a sudden she becomes the gatekeeper. And here's the thing.

[00:12:16]When kids get married, they leave their parents and they cleave to their wife or their husband. And that's the way kind of the process is. It's a natural order of things. Okay. So, this is what you've got. You've got this daughter-in-law now that gatekeeps. She controls everything.

[00:12:32]They don't do anything unless she approves it. So, how do you know that?

[00:12:36]Are you in their house listening to their conversations and finding out that she's a dictator? Or are you just assuming that because you don't like that they have boundaries as a couple?

[00:12:45]Also, the filter is [ __ ] killing me.

[00:12:47]Girl, take it off. So, a couple of things I think. First of all, your son is letting this happen. So, there's that. Um, but what are why why would he let that happen? So, one reason could be that, you know what, he's got to support his wife. This is a new relationship and he's got to support her. It's a new relationship, but they're presumably married. If you're saying this is your daughter-in-law, and maybe they got married really fast, but most couples aren't in a new relationship when they get married. Also, even if this is a new relationship, he doesn't have to support her because he's in a new relationship.

[00:13:16]He has to support her because that's his partner and he's choosing to support her because that's his partner. The other thing is is that there's a whole, you know, he's got to keep the peace and there's something beautiful about there's something beautiful about keeping the peace. And so we need those peacekeepers in our life, but unfortunately for his parents, it's tough. Again, why are we just deciding that he has to keep the peace with his own wife instead of thinking that maybe they agree? Is your son a little sub who just does whatever his wife tells him or is he a grown man who thinks for himself? But let's get into kind of the deeper stuff like how she's gonna maybe turn this. So maybe she starts saying, "Oh, you know, I just don't I don't like the stress I feel and the tension I feel around your parents." That's one way she can get your son to not interact with you anymore. or you know your dad just makes me feel so uncomfortable or your mom is always condescending and your son's going wow that's like I've never seen that before but okay is he or is he a human adult who can recognize that even the people he loves can have flaws and also we're just assuming the reasons that they may be less available to you than they may have been in the past and they're all just blaming the daughter-in-law for not liking her in-laws. What if they just want to spend time together as a couple? Or they're busy or a multitude of other reasons that actually have nothing to [ __ ] do with you? Or get this, what if your son was the one who said that he needs a break from seeing his family so much and you hadn't even considered that for a second. I think that something else she might do is take memories and kind of flip them a little bit. Start having like a negative vibe to them, like, "Hey, that's that's not normal." you know, taking your son's memories and saying that's not normal or making him feel less safe where he's like, "Oh, yeah. I could see how that would be abusive or not appropriate." So, that's one thing. That's crazy to say. The idea that your son is being manipulated into believing he was a or treated poorly growing up instead of just taking the L that they get some space as a couple and you might not get to know why is wild.

[00:15:22]But, I've seen this a few times. this idea that their kids get into a serious relationship and the partner turned them against their parents and now they have problems with how they were raised that they didn't before. And that's just not what's happening most of the time. Him growing up and realizing things about his relationship with his mom and things that she might fall short on might line up with the time frame of his relationship with his wife. So his mom might correlate that as she's turning you against me when in reality he might just be spending more time away from his mom and being treated kindly enough by his partner to be safe to unpack the way his childhood made him feel. It's easier for parents to blame the wife instead of accepting that maybe their son wants some boundaries or some changes to his relationship with his parents as well.

[00:16:02]You know what one of the worst feelings as an adult is? It's being married and having your husband's family think that any issues or problems are coming from you and that your husband doesn't have a mind of his own. Like, I didn't force him to say that. I didn't encourage him to say that. I didn't tell him to do anything. In fact, I'm over here like trying to be Dell's advocate for real.

[00:16:23]But then you find out like, oh, they just think you're like manipulating him and like tricking him. We love that. He said that I did that because you pissed him off, not because I forced him to do anything. Maybe don't piss him off next time. Maybe treat his partner with respect and his family with respect. I don't know what to tell you. Not to mention that in the patriarchal society we live in, men just get blamed way less in general for everything. And women get blamed way more for everything. And to add to that, I also saw this Tik Tok of a woman explaining that if it weren't for her, you wouldn't be hearing from your son at all. What toxic mother-in-laws or insecure mother-in-laws don't realize about their daughter-in-laws is that your daughter-in-law is the one that's reminding your son to call you. Your toxic daughter-in-law is the one that reminds your son of your birthday. Your toxic daughter-in-law is the one that reminds your son to take care of you and to visit you. What insecure mother-in-laws also don't realize is that your toxic daughter-in-law was the one that wanted to build a friendship with you that was based off of knowing you, not off of the relationship that we have gotten legally as mother-in-law, daughter-in-law. Your toxic daughter-in-law is the one that prioritizes seeing all the families because she knows that when your son argues with you, you are going to believe that it's on her, that she's the one who's training him. Your toxic daughter-in-law is also the one that gets blamed every time your son finally says what he's been dying to say for all years. It's also your daughter-in-law that's trying to build a good relationship between your son and yourself by teaching him the essential communication skills that he needs. It seems like a lot of these mothers just don't want to acknowledge that their sons are grown adults. Like this comment that this creator is responding to is very telling in my opinion. Somebody commented on one of her videos and said, "Daughter-in-laws, young immature ladies, can be difficult." And this is what she said. I >> actually think the issue lies in the fact that they aren't young. They're independent grown women who aren't wives in the 1950s who aren't expected to tolerate anything for the sake of family. But what does she even mean by difficult? I'll venture a guess.

[00:18:43]Difficult is probably the daughter-in-law politely asking to not kiss the newborn baby. Difficult is asking, "Could you please ask me permission before you share photos of my child on social media on your Facebook for all these people you don't know to see?" Difficult is probably saying, "I'd like to spend my holiday with my own side of the family this year if that's okay." And so why are we shocked that they feel this way? These boomer parents are the same parents who were because I said so parents. They were he teases you because he likes you parents. But even though we know that that's why their thinking is that way, that doesn't make it okay. And she brings up a really good point as well that this generational difference could be adding to it.

[00:19:16]Millennials and Gen Z tend to be more independent, it seems, than Gen X or boomers. So there may be a bit of frustration based off of that difference as well. There could also be some family expectations that the mother-in-law had as a young married couple that are now being rejected by the younger daughter-in-law. But on the topic of not understanding that your son has started a new family, this mother-in-law was advocating for vacations without the spouses of her kids.

[00:19:41]>> Let me say something a lot of parents are afraid to admit. Yes, it's absolutely okay to take a vacation, a family vacation without your sons and daughter-in-law. And it doesn't mean you don't love them. It doesn't mean they're not welcome. It doesn't mean there's drama. Sometimes you just want time with your own kids, the ones you raised, the ones you survived life with, the ones you rocked through teething and heartbreak and their first apartment.

[00:20:13]That relationship deserves its own space, too.

[00:20:16]>> Yes, it absolutely does. But those relationships change a bit as life changes. And if you're going on a family vacation, it's really weird to exclude certain family members. And that is what spouses of your kids are. I completely understand going to dinner or hanging out or whatever with just you and your mom or your parents. I do that all the time. And that's a great way to foster your relationships with your adult kids and get one-on-one time with them, which I do think is really important. But the idea of a family vacation with all of your adult kids without their spouses is too far. I think that's really [ __ ] bizarre. And this brings me to my next point, which is that one of the biggest issues that these toxic mothers-in-law have is boundary stomping. This can be even worse with certain types of moms, like toxic boy moms, for example. And I made a whole video about boy moms already, so I'll keep it a little short, but these moms use their sons as basically stand-in husbands, and create a very codependent dynamic with them, often even starting competition with the son's imaginary future girlfriend while he's still in diapers. So then when he does have a partner, she sees that woman as her competitor in the battle for number one spot in her son's life, which is extremely unhealthy and disturbing.

[00:21:25]Like this Tik Tocker basically said the quiet part out loud. She deleted the original, so I'm cutting off somebody else's stitch. But she says, "When you're a boy mom, all caps, and you know one day some girl is going to come and snatch up the work of art you raised to be the perfect man." ellipsies, all caps. And then ellipsies. She won't let you come over without calling first.

[00:21:48]Anyone else feel this way? Girl, unfortunately, a lot of them do. Like, dude, what the [ __ ] are you saying? The work of art you raised to be the perfect man is so [ __ ] gross, dude. That verbiage is very telling of the way that she views her son and motherhood in general. There's an inherent self-centeredness and ownership over her son, as if he was born to be her perfectly engineered little toy doll who exists to just satisfy her emotional needs. And the idea of coming over without calling first is [ __ ] insane to me. Even if your son lived alone, it would be weird as [ __ ] to come over without calling first. That is bizarre behavior. You don't know what people's plans are or if they're even home. It is such an entitlement to somebody's time as well. But apparently she's not alone in this entitlement. This woman posted a Tik Tok saying, "What's one thing your in-laws do that really gets on your nerves?" I'll go first. When they just show up at your house uninvited and stay for hours. Huh?

[00:22:48]>> Like, dude, what do you mean they come over uninvited? And what do you mean THEY'RE BEING LET IN? If anybody showed up to my door uninvited, it would genuinely send me into a spiral. And maybe, to be fair, maybe I'm not a great baseline for normaly here because I have raging OCPD. So, I need to be constantly overprepared for everything at all times. Like, I hate nice surprises even.

[00:23:09]But, I still think this is weird as [ __ ] I stand by it. It's such a disruption and an intrusion of like your privacy and your personal space. And speaking of an intrusion of privacy, oh my god, this creator has a series on her account where she tells stories that led up to her and her husband going no contact with his mom, so her mother-in-law. And this was one that she shared. When we found out a few years later, but when we first got married, my husband and I, my mother-in-law admitted years later, that she would drive down to our apartment, keep in mind it's like a 30, 40minute drive, drive down to our apartment. Luckily, we were on the second story and she would park outside of our bedroom window and in her words like, "Try to catch a glimpse of what?"

[00:23:53]Of what? Dear mother-in-law, what were you trying to catch a glimpse of? She is much nicer and much calmer than me because that admission alone would have been the minute we went no contact.

[00:24:02]That's [ __ ] voyerism and stalking.

[00:24:04]Legitimately, it it it is. And why would you want to see your kid in presumably an intimate situation? Oh my god, dude.

[00:24:12]That one's [ __ ] disturbing. This boundary stomping tends to get even worse when kids enter the picture, though. From the moment the daughter-in-law gets pregnant, a lot of them talk about their mothers-in-law immediately demanding to be in that delivery room. Like this woman posted, "Labor hurts, but not as much as having my mother-in-law in the room." Which I've gone off about this before, but this drives me [ __ ] insane. Birth is a traumatic medical event. If your son had to get a colonoscopy, would you expect my mom to be in the room looking up into his ass and balls? Not even a fraction as bad as birth, by the way.

[00:24:43]And there's a few reasons I always see defending the mother-in-law wanting to be in the delivery room. Number one is that she wants to be there for her son because he's just as much the father as she is the mother, which sure he is, of course, but he doesn't need support for this. He needs to support his partner while she goes through a medical event that could kill her. Number two, her mom's allowed in the room. Why can't his mom be in the room? Um, because she's the one going through the medical event.

[00:25:10]I don't know why that is hard to understand. It makes sense that she would want the comfort and support of her own mother. Plus, her mother's going to be there supporting her daughter, not selfishly just wanting to see the birth, which why do you want to see my [ __ ] At the end of the day, you want to see my [ __ ] You want to see me [ __ ] myself? No. That's crazy. And three, she wants to see her grandbaby be born.

[00:25:33]Well, I want to be able to breathe underwater. We all want things. This mother-in-law, though, actually took it even further and expected her daughters to be in there as well. And when her daughter-in-law told her that wasn't going to happen, she took to Tik Tok to complain to strangers about it. She has since, of course, deleted the video, probably doing some damage control. So, I'm going to show you a stitch from another creator.

[00:25:52]>> When you have to tell your daughter something, both of your daughters, that's going to break their hearts, how you do it. My son and his girlfriend are having their baby today, and we're a very close family. Like, we've always been a close family. And the girls want to be there. Like, they want to be there after the fact. Um, like see the baby like we have with all the other babies.

[00:26:09]Like, all of them. That's just how it is we show up. We show up for our family.

[00:26:12]>> That isn't just how it is. You're her boyfriend's mom and her boyfriend's sisters. She doesn't need you all crowding around her when she's giving birth or has just given birth. Showing up for family implies that you're there for them. That doesn't always mean physically. And in this moment, that looks like honoring and respecting her wishes while she focuses on bringing a baby into the world.

[00:26:32]>> But he doesn't want them there. I'm pretty sure it's her, but they don't want them to come up there today.

[00:26:36]>> Of course, you're pretty sure it's her.

[00:26:37]It couldn't possibly be that your son is disagreeing with you and agreeing with his partner. And even if it is just her, it is so normal to not want visitors the day you just gave [ __ ] birth, dude.

[00:26:49]Her whole [ __ ] is tore open. This same mother-in-law posted again about her daughter-in-law after the baby was born, though, and continued to just bash her on the internet. And of course, she deleted this one again. So, shout out to the creator that re-uploaded it. So, here's a little bit of reference for the things that I deal with um with my son's girlfriend who just had a baby that >> I've Anyway, not going to get into all that, but they were in the hospital. They hadn't left the hospital yet. They asked me to get them a couple things that they hadn't gotten yet. A headrest pillow for the car seat, and they asked for a mirror for the car so they could see the baby. But I bought them a camera for the car instead where they could put the little camera on the back of the seat.

[00:27:35]It faces the baby. Then she has a monitor up front so she can see the baby through the monitor.

[00:27:40]>> So she says that they asked for a mirror and she got them a camera with a monitor instead, which may have been genuinely because she thought it would be more helpful, but in my opinion, it's annoying. It kind of gives an I know better attitude, especially when coupled with the other video she made and the rest of this one and the general fact that she's complaining about her daughter-in-law online at all. Like if you have a registry for example and you put exactly what you want on it and somebody decides that they're actually going to get you a better version of that thing instead at that point they're just not getting you what you wanted.

[00:28:10]And I understand that the intentions can be really great but it's just ignoring what somebody's asking for when in this case they were asking for help.

[00:28:17]>> So I bought that instead for them so they would have it and they come over yesterday. We had to reschedule our Easter cuz they had the baby that weekend.

[00:28:26]>> No.

[00:28:28]How inconsiderate of them. You poor thing. Did you still get to hunt for eggs?

[00:28:35]Please tell me you still got to hunt for eggs.

[00:28:37]>> Anyway, she had a different pillow headrest in the car seat for the baby.

[00:28:42]So, anyway, they're not using it, but she didn't bring it back for me to send back either. It's just little things like that. Like, why ask me for it? Have me spend my money on it? Get it to you as soon as possible. I had it shipped right to their house. I ordered it the same day and they're not even they're not using it. Like it's just stuff like that. Like just why ask me for it and have me spend my money on it and get it to you and then I mean it's a nice one.

[00:29:06]It's good. I I can put a screenshot.

[00:29:08]It's a nice one. And she's using one that's this just like it actually. It's just different colors or whatever.

[00:29:14]>> Okay. First of all, gifts don't typically come with conditions. But also, babies spit up on literally everything. And it's very possible that they have more than one headrest for that reason and happen to be using this one right now. Or they could have more than one car, so they have more than one car seat and it's in the other one. And why are you looking to make sure that they're using the exact headrest that you got them? That is so [ __ ] weird.

[00:29:37]You're just looking for a reason to be upset with her. She's freshly postpartum. This time period's hard enough without her mother-in-law posting shitty videos about how much she dislikes her on social media. I've also seen a lot of moms online talking about how their mother-in-law has a hard time following the boundaries that they've set in place for everyone regarding their baby. For example, this creator shared a situation that was shared with her from a follower. Good morning. I have a silly quick question for you.

[00:30:02]What do you do when you are about to have a baby with your husband? You're so excited. It's both your first babies and you have a baby shower. After the baby shower, family sticks around, friends leave. You know, it is what it is. Some family leaves. like your mom stays, his mom stays, father-in-law is breaking down tables, and you think this is a great time to talk to everybody as a whole. So, you have everybody meet in the kitchen said, "Hey, we want to go over this list of rules we have. This is a list we have for everybody, and we're hoping that you understand and respect it." She starts off very simple. No announcing the birth before we do on social media. No pictures on social media without the baby being fully clothed or without my permission. If I find a picture that I don't want online, I will reach out to you. No pictures of me inappropriately dressed with the baby, like if she's nursing, like posted online. Please don't come to the hospital until we call you. Um, and once we get home, we're going to want about a week to settle in before we have anybody come for extended stays. So, and mother-in-law had a couple of rules herself, which surprised her. She's like, "Oh, you have rules." She said, "One, whatever you say for me goes for your mother. It's just fair."

[00:31:06]>> No, it doesn't matter what you think is fair. Different relationships sometimes call for different expectations and different boundaries. And she's the one having the baby. So, she's the one that sets the expectations and boundaries regarding interactions with her and her baby. You don't have any leverage here.

[00:31:22]So, you don't get to negotiate. Like it or not, you're at their mercy if you want a relationship with this baby because they're the ones that are about to go through the birth and the newborn period, and they don't owe you visits or anything. Beggars can't be choosers. I want as many overnights and stays at Mimi's house as Gigi gets. If your mom gets to post about the baby, I get to post about the baby. If your mom ends up in the delivery room with you, then I want to be in the delivery room with the for the next one. To which this daughter-in-law was not expecting these to come back to her, like this kind of like backlash. And she said, "Well, I can talk to him, but just like I said in the beginning, these rules are for everybody."

[00:32:00]>> Yeah. The immediate hostility towards very reasonable rules is very telling.

[00:32:04]It wasn't even specific for her. It was literally for everyone. I can understand being defensive if it was like, "Hey, you don't do this. Okay, we know you're going to like I can understand being defensive if that was the case. But please don't post my naked boob on Facebook shouldn't elicit such a venomous reaction. Um, but don't come to the hospital until we call you and let you." She said, "Are you going to" and she just asked her, "Are you going to be okay if I ask my mom to come first?" And this is what her mother-in-law said that shut the entire conversation down. He is as equally the baby's dad as you are the mother. Why can't I come first? And the husband stepped in and said, "Mom, at the end of the day, it's who she wants.

[00:32:42]She just at that point, she's going to have just given birth. She's going to be recovering. And honestly, if she wants her mom, I understand and respect that if she wants her mom first." What I really don't get is the inability to empathize in general, but especially since presumably you've been in her position before. Like, did you want your mother-in-law first or did you want your mom first when you gave birth? Why are you acting like you weren't in her shoes once as well? Us women should stick together and be there for one another.

[00:33:07]We have it hard enough. We don't need to turn on each other as well. And speaking of women, I am a woman. And as many of you know, I have less subscribers than Mr. Beast due to the internet's raging misogyny. So, if you support women, I would appreciate if you could please subscribe so we can beat Mr. Beast's subscriber count in the name of feminism. # Sharksbitebeasts. Thanks, guys.

[00:33:29]On the topic of kids, there's a theme of mothers-in-law who don't respect the wishes of their daughters-in-law when it comes to raising their children. It's all part of this never-ending power struggle that these toxic mothers-in-law have, where they seem to find every opportunity to undermine their daughter-in-law or to condescend her.

[00:33:44]Like this creator posted about how her mother-in-law won't refer to her as mom to her child just due to homophobia. She doesn't outright say homophobia to be fair, but I will. Tell me something that your mother-in-law does that annoys the crap out of you. So, we're a two mom household. It's very evident my mother-in-law doesn't want to call me mom or mama or any connotation of that.

[00:34:04]So, she made a comment basically to tell my wife, "Oh, I thought of a cool name that Angie can be called. She can be called Mangie. Mom Angie." And I'm like, "Okay." day. My wife thinks that it was thoughtful. I was like, "No, I think your mom just doesn't want to call me mom, mommy, whatever." Fast forward the last couple of interactions that we've had from that. After that, she refused to call me mom. If anything, she would refer to me as man to my son. And I'm like, "No, I'm not man, but whatever." I kept my mouth shut cuz I'm trying to be peaceful here. Cuz, you know, I never thought having a mother-in-law would be such a pain in the ass, but it is. Has she gotten better? Yes. But it took my wife saying something. She still doesn't call me mom, but it took my wife saying something because she heard it finally for the first time in front of her. We were in the kitchen and her mom was actually trying to be nice to me.

[00:34:49]Brought up my son on her shoulder. She's like, "Is it?" And I was like, "Whatever." I let it go. And I was just like, "Buddy." Cuz I was cooking. And my wife heard that. She was like, "No, she's not Angie. She's mom. That's mom or mommy to him." And you could tell the look came across my mother-in-law's face of [ __ ] I have to put up with this.

[00:35:09]It's just so frustrating to be forced to keep the peace with somebody who's undermining your motherhood to your child in front of your face. Like I would imagine as a mom, somebody refusing to call you mom to your child has to be a special kind of sting. I saw a lot of different types of this weird like undermining behavior though. Like this was a strange example. Again, she deleted this video. So I'll show you a stitch from another creator.

[00:35:31]>> I'm finding being a grandmother to be bittersweet. I love those kids more than anything. I just really love them. But it's been very difficult watching how they're how they're being treated by their mother and father. Um at the beginning, my first grandson, we were told we could only give presents on Christmas, Hanukkah, and his birthday.

[00:35:44]And I respect that. I'll just tell you an aside. Um about 7 years ago, I went to this really horrible dermatologist and she looked at a spot on my arm and she said, "I think that's melanoma." So she said, "We'll have to do a biopsy, but I really think it's melanoma." So, what's the first thing I think when this woman tells me I have this horrible skin cancer? I think, how can I use this to get a toy to my grandson? So, as soon as I walked out of the office, I texted my son and I said, "I just found out I probably have melanoma and there's nothing anyone can do to help me, but it would really make me feel better if I could send a garbage truck to my grandson."

[00:36:25]>> Like, dude, first and foremost, why are we lying about having [ __ ] cancer?

[00:36:29]That's so absolutely cruel and manipulative. And for her to just casually be like, "My first thought was, how can I use this to undermine the boundaries that my son and daughter-in-law have?" It's so crazy because how do you say something like that and not like hear how it's coming out of your mouth? This next one was actually the inspiration behind this entire video being made though because I was a gasast when I saw it. She says, "The baby's mother said I can't pick up my grandson today." Dot dot dot.

[00:36:58]even though we agreed to pick him up for Easter.

[00:37:03]No explanation, just ignored calls and texts. Dot dot dot. So, I turned on the turbo engine and this is me about to pull up.

[00:37:14]Let's see how this plays out. Dot dot dot.

[00:37:21]Period. Oh my god, I have so many questions. Why does this have the energy of her pulling up to beat someone's ass?

[00:37:28]And why are we filming ourselves driving? And if we know we're filming, why are we picking our nose? And if we watched the footage back, why didn't we edit out the nose pick? And is this [ __ ] kidnapping? Am I an accomplice to kidnapping for watching this? She also put this video to a [ __ ] AI song about being a mama bear. And dude, you're not the mom. She is.

[00:37:53]I got to move on from that one. I cannot. There's also an aspect of this mother-in-law hating their daughter-in-law that's just classic misogyny. Women are socialized into misogyny from the day that we're born.

[00:38:04]And we have to unlearn it. We're taught to compete with one another and put each other down, especially in older generations. And younger generations are unlearning this more and more and being more and more vocal about it. So, it doesn't surprise me that some mothers-in-law tend to compete with and resent the younger woman in their son's life. But at the end of the day, your toxic mother-in-law might dead ass just not like you. It might not even be that deep. She might just not [ __ ] with you as a person. A lot of parents watch their kids grow up with some expectation or hope of who their kid will end up with. And sometimes that hope just wasn't someone like you. And guys, let me just say that while today I talked about toxic mothers-in-law, there are toxic daughters-in-law as well. There are absolutely plenty of cases where a mother-in-law is being completely valid and respectful and the daughter-in-law is cutting her out or being hostile for no reason. So, shout out to the good mothers-in-law out there. And another shout out to my mother-in-law.

[00:38:56]All right, guys. I'm going to call it right there. For more videos, check out my second channel, Brook Sharks Bites, where I post beauty and lifestyle content. A lot of you guys comment asking if I have a makeup or hair tutorial, and I do on my second channel.

[00:39:06]I also always put whatever lip I'm wearing in the description of these videos for those of you that are curious. You can also follow me on Instagram and Tik Tok, and you can join my Patreon. I post some extras over there, and I also have a Patreon exclusive Discord. Don't forget to beat the [ __ ] out of the like button and murder the subscribe button. And if you're feeling crazy, you can peek through the bedroom window and try and catch a glimpse of the bell. I'll see you soon with another video.