When You Have to Sit With Yourself!

追加: 2026-05-26

[00:00:00]Oh, happy day. Oh, happy day.

[00:00:05]Hi. Hi, people. Here I am. Here I am a little bit back. Um, you might get a lot of background noise. I have the window open because it's a little warm. We love that for us though. Maybe spring is finally coming. What I'm whining about.

[00:00:21]So, as I had posted that I we would we would talk about this fabulous set though. I am obsessed with it. Like can you can you even stand it? Like the skirt is like a handkerchief skirt. I'm going to show you the full look after because it deserves a moment. So what I want to talk about is I would like to talk about the quiet child.

[00:00:50]The quiet. So, it's dawned on me that I have been running for 2 years since Eddie passed away. And when I say running, I mean he passed away February 24 um February 15th, 2024.

[00:01:11]And um please feel free to tune out if you've heard the story before because I'm going to talk about my man my man my man always. So, he passed away in February. I laid him to rest and quit my job March 7th of 2024 after being there 23 years. Um, I've talked about this before.

[00:01:36]Um, and if Eddie wouldn't have passed, I would not have quit because we were from the same generation and same mentality of that's a good job, Savannah. You don't quit your job. I am blessed to now have a pension and health benefits. So, I am grateful about that. But the two years from the day I left until March of this year, I had to pay my health benefits monthly myself $1600 a month.

[00:02:05]And it was hard.

[00:02:07]It was hard. So, I feel for people and I fell for myself cuz it was rough. So, back to the topic at hand. So, I lost my man, uh, buried my man, um, and was transitioning into trying to be a full-time content creator. And for the record, I was 100% willing to go well before they lost their minds, put on a red shirt and khakis and work at Target.

[00:02:45]So when people come on here and you know look see my back round back backdrop now they don't really know me. And I' I've come from struggle. Um I've you know been a single mom and worked one job, two job, three jobs.

[00:03:03]Even when I worked at my job for 23 years, civil service, I worked part-time jobs. I I'm not shame, okay? I'mma work wherever. I worked at Pathmark. Shout out to Pathmark. So anyway, um so now when I left my job and lost my man, I realized that I had to like kind of turn it up. And I talked about this before is that I felt like I couldn't really mourn the way I thought I wanted to mourn because if you have children, there is not just are you okay, it's a we okay. It's like a collective we. And I've talked about this before, so again, you can tune out if you don't want to hear it again. Um, and one of the things I was concerned about was especially my daughter because my daughter introduced me to him. So I was concerned how she felt. So now it's dealing with life, dealing with the repercussions of Eddie passing and dealing with his he had tenants and and dealing with all the things. It was still running running running running and then we were embarking on the last year of high school for the baby and we then 2024 flies and then 2025 comes and it's my daughter gets engaged and the baby is going to college and I wake up one day and I'm like I I think I I have to move.

[00:04:44]It's time to move. and I lived in that apartment for 20 years.

[00:04:50]So then it was the move and then I moved to this building December 2025 and February 2026 I was like what's the purpose of living in a high-rise if you're not high or higher up in the building? So, I was lucky enough that the building was still it still is relatively empty. It's a new build. So, I was able to move up to this unit. Um, so that was February. The baby's in his first year of college. The wedding is fast approaching. The wedding, the wedding, everything's happening.

[00:05:29]Everything's happening. Uh, my 55th birthday was March. It went by a blur.

[00:05:35]Um, and the wedding happens and now the baby's home from college and I kind of collapsed.

[00:05:45]I have to say I kind of collapsed. What happened is Mother's Day, Nicholas was coming home the following week after Mother's Day and um, my children are very uh, attentive to their mother. They love their mother. They they are with me all the time. They communicate with me multiple times a day. My children love me down, hold me down. And it's so funny because they were like, "What do you want to do?" You know, are we Usually it's my daughter is the hostess with the mostess, but the wedding had just happened April 25th, and we were recovering from that. Um, and the exorbitant expense of that. And so normally we are the hostess with the mostess. My mom and my aunt and the women in our lives that we love. And I told them to respect my privacy at this time as I prepare myself for having the baby come home from college.

[00:06:51]And my daughter understood. My middle son didn't really. He's he's a little bit obsessed with me. He did show up with a little pizza cuz he was concerned, but I just needed to be by myself.

[00:07:09]And when the quiet came of it's over, Nicholas is home. The wedding is done.

[00:07:19]I'm not moving again.

[00:07:22]I'm retired.

[00:07:24]I have my pension.

[00:07:27]It hit me again that this [ __ ] did Sir, how are you dead?

[00:07:39]Because we had plans. We had plans. So, one of the things that I do in this apartment that I'm very grateful is I do a lot of window watching and there's boats on the river and there's so many planes in the sky and I'm always look how many planes are in the sky at one time and people are going wonderful places and that was supposed to be us.

[00:08:06]That was supposed to be us and you pissed me off.

[00:08:10]And then I see videos of the men that are out here and um don't please the point of that is this like I saw a video and a man and the comments were diabolical but he looked like he had like a vest that laced up the back and it had like long lapels and he was very he was clearly he is not interested in me. He was clearly a gay man, which was fine. I was just jealous cuz he was dressed better than me. But the point is the the options that are out there for me are very limited. So recently I was offered to be on a dating show, really truly.

[00:09:03]And the so many questions I turned it down.

[00:09:11]So many questions. The biggest question was what was the age range range? Age range. The age range was 30 to 60.

[00:09:21]That's a big age range.

[00:09:24]And I had to be honest with them. The casting people and myself. The issue is one, the men my age are not interested.

[00:09:37]They're just not. And as much of a tough pill that may be to swallow, it is the reality.

[00:09:44]The other thing is that means that the younger men will be interested. And I'm not flattering myself. I'm not saying that I am, you know, this magnet of young men, but I'm saying that that's just the reality of it is that younger men are interested in older women, you know, as a little fetish, as a little fun time, a little thing and whatever. I'm not prepared to have the world look at me and see that and have that play out on television. And I have children. That's not it's not necessary for me to do that. But it's all of those things com compounded to the fact that I miss my man.

[00:10:33]I miss my man. I miss my man. and I lost my motivation, lost my drive to do anything and to be and it just it it kind of shook me to my core. And it goes back to the video that I made where I said, you know, you know, they we weren't allowed to rest. And if somebody commented and said, just you didn't have to do anything but go to school and clean up. And I'm like, that's not true. That's not true. Um, I grew up in a with a very tumultuous life. I lived in a shelter. I, you know, grew up with a lot of uncertainty and hypervigilant and and the therapist says to me, "You need to put that 5-year-old to bed." The 5-year-old can't sleep.

[00:11:33]Neither can the 55year-old because you got to be on your toes. Betty to be ready didn't have to get ready.

[00:11:42]So, for the first time in my life, when I was with Eddie, I could rest.

[00:11:49]That was a good man. Okay.

[00:11:54]And when I say rest, I mean Eddie was not a wealthy man by any means, but Eddie took care of me. And I said it before and I'll say it again that he took care of me. And I don't know if people know what that means.

[00:12:12]And what it means for me may mean means something different for someone else. But what it meant for me is that he took care of me in the sense that if there was something that he could do to lighten my load, he did it.

[00:12:35]He was the most supportive, the most generous. And I'm not talking about money, just with time and attention and attentive and loving and he was the first person that I I had an ex and I would work all week and I ended I was with somebody that I worked all week and then even while I'm with you, I ended up getting a part-time job. We'll never do that again, but that's another time, another story.

[00:13:08]And I remember there was one day he called this ex and I was on the couch. I was just exhausted and he's like, "You're laying down."

[00:13:19]And I jumped up like I had been caught cheating.

[00:13:25]And I remember the first time like Eddie stayed with me for a weekend. And as usual, I'm I'm finding I'm doing stuff. I'm doing stuff. I'm sorting laundry. I'm putting laundry away.

[00:13:37]putting dishes away. I'm washing dishes.

[00:13:39]I'm cleaning this. I'm folding that. Or he was, "Oh, sit down. Please sit down."

[00:13:44]And I was like, "No, I have." And he's like, "It can wait." Like, "Pardon me?

[00:13:53]What?" He was like, "Just sit down."

[00:13:58]So, I can talk about my man.

[00:14:04]So, that's what happened. I took a little break because I had to sit with myself and sometimes you don't want to sit with yourself brother because I have to come to the realization and I know that Eddie's sister has said that I have to let him go and I know what she means by that.

[00:14:32]Um, but I do I know I I need to let him rest in peace a little bit. My god.

[00:14:41]But just the thought of it. The thought of it is still very hard for me. So, um, I'm just going to try I'm going to try to get back into the groove of things, get back into the groove of life and, you know, making my content and and I enjoy it and I I really do and and enjoy my children and and my new sense of freedom. And this video was just literally me rambling and I apologize to you for that. But you know, you got to get it out. You got to get it out. So that's where we are. But we're going to be back in business. Okay. I am trying to convince my daughter to come and sit with me and talk about um I don't even take I don't even take my bag out. You see what I'm saying? Like when I tell you I was child.

[00:15:40]So, this, like I said, this video was rambling. I was about to go out and do some content and was like, "Let me let me sit down and talk a little bit cuz I didn't just put this on. I mean, I did kind of put it on just for you, but like my god, how cute is she?" But I said, "Let me talk to the people and tell them because I've been going crazy." But let's move back so you can see. Hold hold hold.

[00:16:07]Okay.

[00:16:09]like how.

[00:16:11]First of all, anything that has pockets, give me 14 of them. It's absolutely fantastic. It's a two-piece. It's a skirt. High-waist skirt. It has a corset situation. The back I can't tell what's happening in the back. Is there is there a tag? And it's like a corset situation in the back, but how freaking Please.

[00:16:36]Anyway, thanks for watching.

[00:16:41]Like, subscribe, do all the things. I'm gonna get back on topic topic. I was just rambling a little bit because Lord, it has taken me out. But you see the mess that's there. There's like it's just a [ __ ] show. It's just a mess. I went and got a couple things from Zara when I was out in the city with Nico the other day. So, I'll show you those, too.

[00:17:04]But this set is to die. Obsessed. Okay, bye.