Why Your Brain Won't Let You Relax (Even When Life Is Finally Calm)

[00:00:00]Welcome everyone.

[00:00:04]Today I want to talk about something um that confuses a lot of people.

[00:00:19]Have you ever noticed that sometime um nothing is actually wrong but your body still feels like um it's waiting for something to happen.

[00:00:35]Did that ever happen to you?

[00:00:49]Maybe you're finally home after work.

[00:00:54]The house is quiet.

[00:01:04]Nobody is arguing with you.

[00:01:15]a shower.

[00:01:25]And um yet the shoulders are too tense.

[00:01:40]Your mind keep jumping from one worry to another.

[00:01:52]So why that chicken seem to fully relax.

[00:02:03]That's great, right?

[00:02:15]Many people immediately uh blame the blame themselves.

[00:02:31]They think Because I should enjoy the moment.

[00:02:51]Why am I always worrying?

[00:03:00]What's wrong with me?

[00:03:09]And the truth is that nothing wrong with you at all.

[00:03:23]Eco, welcome in. How you doing?

[00:03:33]what you are experiencing.

[00:03:39]Okay, good to hear.

[00:03:45]Could simply uh be the way your brain learn to survive.

[00:03:53]Did that make sense to anyone here?

[00:04:07]Now, um, one of the most interesting thing about a brand that um, it's in out of time predicting what like it happened next.

[00:04:47]Oh, that's good to hear.

[00:04:54]Now most people imagine the brain um reacting to events that happened.

[00:05:15]But in reality, it's often preparing before anything happens.

[00:05:30]Okay, thank you for stopping by my friend. Hope to see you again.

[00:05:37]Welcome in great.

[00:05:42]Hello.

[00:05:44]Hello everyone.

[00:05:55]It's um kindly acting question like um is it safe?

[00:06:17]Should I stay alert?

[00:06:31]Do I need to protect myself?

[00:06:47]So now the answer don't come from nowhere.

[00:07:03]the base on everything that you are live through.

[00:07:18]No, one of the same time I want to mention that.

[00:07:28]Hello Christopher, how you doing?

[00:07:32]If your parents have been fused with uncertainty, uh, conflict, comma, dental pressure unpredictable situation.

[00:08:11]Welcome in Her.

[00:08:18]Welcome in Muhammad.

[00:08:29]Um your brain start uh that uncertainty it normal but um I think uncertainty is not a normal P and get and why I don't know what you say.

[00:09:03]No, then it become very good at spotting anything um that might signal danger.

[00:09:22]Now that ability is incredibly um useful.

[00:09:35]Hello Alie Jones.

[00:09:38]Welcome in.

[00:09:43]when they're really it's a danger.

[00:09:49]How are you? I'm 50. Why?

[00:10:00]It's one of the reasons human survive difficult situations.

[00:10:06]Is that right?

[00:10:16]I'm not. What are you talking about?

[00:10:19]Music level quest. Let me try this.

[00:10:31]Do I look like an ID?

[00:10:38]The problem begins when life changing.

[00:10:46]But the friend hasn't caught up yet.

[00:10:53]Oh, thank you.

[00:10:56]You don't have a grandpa. Um, Ellie Jones.

[00:11:11]I think um that is something that easy to overlook. Don't you think so?

[00:11:29]You're praying wake up one morning and shade.

[00:11:44]Oh, okay.

[00:11:46]Yeah. I wish it could be your grandpa John.

[00:11:53]Well, um it's uh 2026 now be better.

[00:12:04]So, um I guess I can stop worrying.

[00:12:09]Oh, thank you so much, Alan.

[00:12:23]But it just doesn't work that way, right?

[00:12:38]Oh, nice. I live in Illinois. Um, John You never on them. Um, it's a chicken a candle.

[00:13:03]It's chicken patterns.

[00:13:10]Yeah, I want to move to Houston. Um it for years every movement would eventually interrupted the bad Not conflict.

[00:14:03]Then your brain start connecting uh calm with the jumping bat about coming night.

[00:14:24]Oh no. All right.

[00:14:37]That connection can stay with with you much longer.

[00:14:46]Shantaa, welcome in.

[00:14:49]How are you today, Shama?

[00:14:59]My name is um Thomas.

[00:15:11]And that connection um can stay with you much longer than the generations that created it.

[00:15:31]Imagine someone um who live two years of um instability.

[00:15:52]Maybe they change job often because of financial threats. Is that right?

[00:16:05]Maybe it's time they grew up in a home where arguments could start at any moment.

[00:16:14]That could be a bad environment, right?

[00:16:22]Maybe um take care for a sick family member for years.

[00:16:38]During that time just alert make change.

[00:16:52]Paying attention helps them respond quickly.

[00:17:06]But um once light becomes uh quieter the brain just imagation In fact, they keep using the same survival strategies because Promise perpetrate worked before.

[00:18:01]Is that right?

[00:18:10]No. Yeah. Broken. Um, it happened without realizing it.

[00:18:23]Maybe um you sit down on the couch to watch on television.

[00:18:39]Let's um put in 2 minutes you can um remember something that they should be doing.

[00:18:56]Did that happen to you anytime and anyone? Let me know in the chat.

[00:19:09]Um, you get up to clean the kitchen.

[00:19:23]Then you remember an email.

[00:19:35]And you check your phone.

[00:19:48]Then you organize drawers.

[00:19:51]I mean not drawers.

[00:20:06]The whole evening goes by and somehow you never actually regret it that happened to anyone here.

[00:20:31]Maybe you're lying in bed.

[00:20:42]Everything is quiet.

[00:20:52]There's no emergency with your mind. Um start reviewing conversations promoted in a day.

[00:21:24]And now you think, did I check the wrong thing?

[00:21:39]Did I forget something?

[00:21:56]wake up tomorrow. That can go well.

[00:22:11]Nothing. What the brain is doing?

[00:22:22]Um trying to ruin your evening.

[00:22:39]They're trying to stay one step of uh ahead of of a problem. I mean of many problems, you know, just because that what um it has learned to do.

[00:23:10]And it leads to something that surprising many people.

[00:23:26]>> Sometimes I had to think never sit down with chaos.

[00:24:01]Sometime it's dealing with peace.

[00:24:15]>> Um that must have strength at first, right?

[00:24:20]That strength But in the neck part um I want to explain why calm itself can actually feel uncomfortable for someone whose brain have been living in mo for a long time.

[00:25:17]So a few moments ago We talked about how the brain learns patterns, right?

[00:25:40]living under your brain become very good at expecting the next problem.

[00:25:55]Is that right?

[00:25:57]What do you think anyone did that um reasonable to you? Hello And now the interaction part people assume if disappears And the body should immediately relax.

[00:27:01]>> That's so um logical, doesn't it?

[00:27:07]Don't you think so?

[00:27:10]>> Let me know in the chat. Does that sound logical to you?

[00:27:22]>> If it dangerous, it gone and the fear should appear too. That sound very logical, right?

[00:27:41]But uh many people discover the opposite happens.

[00:27:47]Now you're good. Don't worry, Grand.

[00:27:54]Welcome in Grand P.

[00:28:04]Black family becomes uh peaceful but yet they still can't um shadow down.

[00:28:24]How you doing today, Grandpo?

[00:28:33]And why that?

[00:28:45]Oh, I have 50 B coin because uh the number relationship simply react to what's happening around you.

[00:29:04]So what did you do today?

[00:29:16]They don't show react to what they have learned our months or years.

[00:29:32]No. Um think about learning um how to ride a bicycle. Anyone here know how to go ride a bike, right?

[00:29:50]At first, um, every movement feels awkward, right?

[00:29:57]You apply the power of the bicycle, right? When you first learn how to ride a bicycle, steering and pedaling all at once.

[00:30:13]Okay, I had good life and co But after enough practice, you don't have to think about it anymore.

[00:31:03]the body. Remember now the number work in a similar Hey, it remembered pattern to repetition.

[00:32:00]If you spend here preparing for threaties um become very practiced have been alert Right.

[00:32:25]You're teaching children consciously.

[00:32:45]It's simply the following familiar two thing.

[00:33:06]I think uh this is something people often misunderstand.

[00:33:25]We can assume if something feels um familiar that must be right. That right?

[00:33:33]Anyone?

[00:33:35]Let me know in the chat. What What do you What do you think?

[00:33:54]We're familiar and healthy and always the same things.

[00:34:09]Imagine someone um late next to a busy highway for years.

[00:34:37]At first the traffic noise detracting that over time they hardly notice it.

[00:34:58]It becomes normal.

[00:35:15]Now imagine that person um spend a weekend in a quiet cabin.

[00:35:35]Instead of feeling relaxed, they might think It to the silence feel not because silent dangerous But um it's something that um they're not used to.

[00:36:35]Now our emotional lives um can work in a similar way.

[00:36:55]If your daily life have been filled with counter pressure, the number system um becomes a custom to that level of activation.

[00:37:13]That can't feel unfamiliar.

[00:37:28]And when something feels unfamiliar, your brain naturally pays attention to it. Right?

[00:37:45]Now did they um well many people become breated with themselves the pilate. Um, a quiet evening, but instead of enjoying it, the mind starts searching for problems.

[00:38:39]Have you ever noticed that the chin on the couch and gently come you rememberation?

[00:38:59]from 3 days ago.

[00:39:09]You start wondering if you said the wrong thing.

[00:39:21]Did you think about something next week?

[00:39:28]And you remember an appointment.

[00:39:39]Before long, the mice had created a list of um 10 different things to worry about.

[00:39:55]So now here the in the important question worries appear because the situation suddenly became dangerous.

[00:40:30]So did your brain uh simply be turned to a habit?

[00:40:34]It's a practice thousand of times.

[00:40:46]Sometime um the mind isn't responding to a new threat it continue uh an old routine that connecting.

[00:41:12]because they shift the questions from um what wrong with me to what I have my brain learn to expect.

[00:41:50]I heard people um like I can't still.

[00:42:04]I feel beauty when I'm relaxing.

[00:42:20]I would think I should be doing something at first glance.

[00:42:34]I mean at first glance let's have like a productivity issue but sometimes it's much deeper than productivity slowing Now is the might enough space to noted emotions that have been put aside.

[00:43:23]Welcome back to when you can't leave busy that value time.

[00:43:46]No, you're good. Don't worry, Sana. I'm glad you're back.

[00:43:53]There time to not sh it.

[00:43:57]Oh, you did? Nice. Do you like it?

[00:44:05]The appointment.

[00:44:11]Oh, okay. That's good to hear.

[00:44:16]Loing it.

[00:44:18]of fear.

[00:44:33]My day been going very good. Savannah, thank you for asking.

[00:44:41]Bishnet can become a detection.

[00:44:52]Yep. So far so good.

[00:44:56]I'm glad to have you here talking with me that um my life been very quiet.

[00:45:07]No, because um people are weak.

[00:45:20]No, because they're avoiding life on purpose.

[00:45:27]Oh, okay.

[00:45:30]Oh, thank you so much for checking on me, Sander.

[00:45:44]But because I become a way of feeling shaved.

[00:45:58]Oh, you're good. Don't worry. Yeah, I I pray lunch that um yeah movement feel shafer than tune it.

[00:46:18]Yeah, you're good. Don't worry.

[00:46:22]How are you again, Sabana?

[00:46:33]So every time you finally stop um probably about um I don't know maybe 30 40 minutes.

[00:46:48]Welcome back Eagle.

[00:46:57]Yep.

[00:47:07]I got a car.

[00:47:10]Oh, I'm back.

[00:47:13]Sorry. I got a call.

[00:47:17]I'm back. Don't worry.

[00:47:25]So um every time you finally stop them um say wait a minute we are doing something different should I be concerned That's why red can feel surprises are surprisingly uncomfortable for some people.

[00:48:16]Now I would like to think about um your own experience for a moment.

[00:48:26]But with the last time you had absolutely nothing um you needed to do, no deadlight, no charge, no errands.

[00:48:54]Just an out to yourself.

[00:49:00]How did that feel?

[00:49:06]Did it feel peaceful?

[00:49:16]Are you married immediately start creating a new to-do list?

[00:49:24]Okay, welcome back my friend. So, I get to do something very quick.

[00:49:42]Did you read for your phone without thinking?

[00:49:53]Yeah.

[00:50:00]Did you sly decide to organize a closet that wasn't bothering you 5 minutes earlier?

[00:50:12]Yeah, I was live yesterday. Um, Savannah. Um, I mean, maybe I go live tomorrow, too. But I could be uh, no, no, I didn't find any friend.

[00:50:38]No, that's good. Maybe I'll go live again tomorrow. But um I'll be going live earlier than today cuz today I had something to do.

[00:50:52]Okay.

[00:50:56]Um this small moment can tell us a lot about the habit our nervous system developed over time.

[00:51:13]So what did you do today savannah?

[00:51:20]So if the brand I learned to tell a lot to repetition um not a lot okay not a lot of people here today um Savannah not sure why the next naturally become.

[00:51:52]Oh yeah.

[00:51:54]Well, yeah. I have you talking with me then that better than I would know to talk to.

[00:52:03]Can it learn something different?

[00:52:13]Is it possible to cheat? Never cheat on them. It doesn't have to play on high forever.

[00:52:34]So, what happened? I'm Sena.

[00:52:43]Oh, we did 30 * 8. Okay.

[00:52:52]Oh, you didn't get it.

[00:53:04]It should be 240, right?

[00:53:17]So that's what I'd like to talk about next.

[00:53:21]So why I thought you would good at math savannah.

[00:53:36]Okay.

[00:53:41]I thought you could figure it out.

[00:53:46]So I talk about something not important.

[00:53:57]The brain is currently learning from experience.

[00:54:05]Well, you um like um a to zero to zero, right? 8 * 3 to 24. So that's how you get it.

[00:54:16]Oh, really?

[00:54:21]So you just um forget about the zero. So 8 * 3 is 24, right? And yet zero um behind 24 that 240.

[00:54:34]Is that right?

[00:54:44]But they did like you.

[00:54:51]Oh, you're welcome.

[00:54:58]The brain cataly learning from experience don't use up to and uh that makes sense.

[00:55:34]Yeah, I have Messenger. I had um Instagram. Um I had D card.

[00:55:41]Okay.

[00:55:45]Um which one do you have?

[00:55:52]I don't use Snapchat but I have Instagram, I have Discord, I have Messenger.

[00:55:58]Oh yeah, all of them. Okay.

[00:56:01]Sure. Which one you want to use?

[00:56:18]And um that makes sense.

[00:56:22]But you hit the encouraging part. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We can talk messengers.

[00:56:42]I think it's safer for you to talk um on this live um Savannah that um I think it um I mean I can talk on messenger but M it maybe your um your mom or dad wouldn't like it.

[00:57:16]Yeah, I think it better to talk here.

[00:57:19]Just I don't want you to be in trouble, you know. I can I can be in trouble.

[00:57:25]I don't care. Okay.

[00:57:28]Yeah, you stop it here. You're fine. But I don't check my messenger a lot. You know the bra um they just stop thinking they stop learning just because we we become a do how come they don't care about you? I'm wondering it continue learning throughout our life.

[00:58:04]So why I don't know you mom and dad why don't they care about what you do on um like uh you talk to someone mean you wake up tomorrow completely free from anxiety Eight.

[00:59:01]So I want to thank you for anyone for spending this time with me today. Um I hope the conversation gave you a new one to think about um well relaxing sometimes feel harder than we expect.

[00:59:17]If you um today discussion helpful hope you will join me again for another live conversation.

[00:59:25]Until then take care of yourself and I'll see you next time.

[00:59:37]What do I do when I look away from the camera? I'm looking at my not um so when I cut um it um know 1 hour if I go live one hour I get to have something to talk about and I don't remember everything.

[00:59:55]So, I had to um decide what I want to talk about.

[01:00:01]I have my Lord with me to remind me what to say, you know.

[01:00:10]Yep.

[01:00:22]Yeah. But they hurt, you know, cuz um I don't know sometime when I go live and nobody in my live. I had to keep talking. I just um can't stop.

[01:00:36]All right. Just um Thank you. Yep.

[01:00:41]Got to keep talking all the time.

[01:00:55]Oh yeah.

[01:00:59]But anyway, um I'm playing my live. I go live um tomorrow. Um Savannah, I go live earlier. Um where you live? Uh Savannah, what time you in?

[01:01:19]Maybe um I would like again um 700 p.m.

[01:01:22]Um I try but can pop it on um on um okay night you go to sleep or time Okay, go to sleep. Um, Savannah, hope to see you tomorrow. Um, I go live 700 p.m.

[01:01:59]Maybe tomorrow in Central time. Um, I don't know what time zone you're in. Um, Savannah All right, I see you tomorrow at 700 p.m. uh central time.

[01:02:20]Okay, and good night.

[01:02:25]Bye.