Off Campus Ep 5 - Therapist Reaction

[00:00:00]I couldn't protect her. Man, Garrett could barely get those words out in episode five. And I love this scene because it strikes at the heart of every man's biggest fear, and that is being a failure. And especially failing to protect. Every man wants to be that protector. Especially a little boy wants to protect his mom because she's the one that nurtures him and makes him know that everything's going to be okay. that not only could he not protect his mom, the one actually inflicting the damage was the man who was supposed to protect him the most, his own dad. And it's bad enough that yeah, he took the hits from his dad, but he got he had to see what happened to his mom and couldn't do anything about it. I can't think of a a more horrific way for a father to treat his son and a and a situation for a son to be in than that. Hannah unlocked this protector part of him. It was in there all along, but she unlocked it before this actually. It's It's really coming out now, but it actually happened when he helped her achieve the big O. He protected her. He knew that she needed to feel safe and he put her first.

[00:01:03]That's who he really is. It's just been covered up by a lot of the damage and the the the scars of the PTSD. And they showed the PTSD triggering so accurately in this dinner scene. After after Garrett sees the bruises on Cindy's wrists, he goes into literal fight mode and then he realizes I got to run away.

[00:01:23]It's so it's fight or flight and it was such such a visceral accurately portrayed scene and it was it was uh Bel what is his name? Bel Camelli's is his best acting job I think of the whole show because you could see especially when he gets scared of the anger in his own eyes which is the same anger he saw in his dad's eyes because not only now is he angry at what his dad has done to Cindy but now he's angry at himself and scared of really what he's probably capable of. But they showed they showed the actual symptoms of what happens when a lot of people go into a PTSD trigger mode. couldn't breathe, couldn't talk, kept clenching his fist, kept hyperfixating on one thing. Often it is a fist when you're in that mode, but you're just you're not there. You're physically present, but you are somewhere else mentally and you are just shut down. And what happens is he they showed these flashbacks really accurately because you you think you're still that age from when that trauma was happening. So Garrett thought he was still a boy, which is why they showed those flashbacks of what the dad was doing to the mom and Garrett hitting the wall. And what happens is your body doesn't know time. So when you see something in the present day that reminds your nervous system of past traumas or even just past scary experiences or painful experiences, your nervous system thinks it's still the current day and that year all at once.

[00:02:45]So it puts you back in that emotional state as if you're still that age. just doesn't know time. And so that's what Hannah did so well was helping him come through it. She didn't try to snap him out of it. She let him kind of run its course and then she got him to the point where he could let out the tears. And sometimes crying is actually the best thing you can do because that flushes out the stress hormones. And those stress hormones are the thing that obviously get us into fight or flight, but they're also the things that what we would call uh unpleasant emotions. And the tears help to flush those out because a lot of times emotions are chemicals. And if you just keep those chemicals in without actually letting them out through expression or through tears, they're going to stay in there.

[00:03:25]They're going to rot you from the inside out. Now, let's get to the dinner scene before he before Garrett saw the bruise.

[00:03:32]It pissed me off so much that Phil used a prayer to try to make everybody think that he was this great guy. And we'll get to the other manipulations that he did earlier in the episode, but the prayer part pissed me off so much because I've seen this in real life.

[00:03:45]Some people will use the name of Jesus to make people think that they're changing when they're actually not. But they they use it as a mask to get people to give them more chances.

[00:03:55]Garrett says, "Look," he tells Cindy, "This is exactly who Phil is. He doesn't care about you. He just cares about Phil Graham." And Cindy, unfortunately, they don't show a whole lot of depth here, but this is a common situation when a wife is dealing or excuse me, a woman is dealing with a man like this. There's a lot of rationalizing. Rationalizing is that that excuse making. Well, he's trying or it's complicated or I love him. And Gary just straight up tells you, you got to leave. And I think that's good advice. In most of these cases, almost all these cases, therapists are not allowed to tell people exactly what to do. But when it comes to safety, yeah, this is I'm walking right up to the line of that.

[00:04:34]Now, the rationalizing, it's complicated, and they don't show all the depth of what Cindy was going through obviously, but they gave you a little glimpse. And there's there's I did feel for Cindy and I was angry at her too for sticking around. And that's how it almost always is when there's when there's a woman in this kind of situation. Also, in Garrett's old room, the picture that says in Graham, we trust. I'm starting to see that this whole show, this whole series is about trust. So, here we go. Let me list you some some angles on this. Hannah trying to figure out whether she can trust herself and trust the world. Garrett deciding whether he can trust his dad when the outside world does because of his hockey stardom. Garrett figuring out, can I trust myself because of all this anger I have in me? John and Jules on whether to trust their own mom. And then you and I as viewers, we get to trust on whether or not the world is right when it tells us like, hey, this is what success is. So Justin with his superficial music success, but not a whole lot of depth. Phil with his hockey success on the outside and on the surface, but we know what's happening underneath. The show is is sending us a message of this is what culture tells you success looks like. Now, we the viewers get to decide, are we going to trust what culture is telling us success actually is? And we can go deeper into that if that's something you want to do in future uh reaction videos like that.

[00:06:00]Now, let's shift over to John for a second. I figured out this is why he wants what he can't have. He can't have a good mom. So, he goes after Hannah. He goes after a woman to subconsciously replace his mom because he sees what a great woman Hannah is. And we'll talk about Hannah's mom here in a second. But that's why subconsciously he is pushed toward things that he can't have ultimately because he can't have his mom and specifically toward women that he can't have because he's got that mother wound and that mother void. And then John and Jules show us that perspective is key in situations like their mom.

[00:06:36]Really, it's the meaning that you assign to whatever the event is or whatever the situation is. So John decided that since mom's in rehab, that means that she's a failure. Jules says, "Well, that means she's trying." And maybe both are true, but how you treat them is going to be determined by the meaning that you give to their actions. Now, you can take it too far and start making excuses for people, but if you see somebody actually making changes and actually doing the work, then maybe they're proven through their actions that they are actually changing. It takes a whole lot more than words. And we'll get to that with Phil in a second. Now, let's shift to Hannah's mom. I love this conversation because it's just a position of Hannah's awesome mom who's warm and considerate and say, "Hey, you can't show up empty-handed. You know, you got to bring something." And honestly, that the justosition breaks Garrett's heart because he knows that that's what he he used to have in his own mom and doesn't anymore. And and it it got to me because it Hannah's mom reminds me of my own mom who was just so warm and so considerate and she passed away from breast cancer a few years ago and it and this the hole still is not filled. You know, I've grieved but man, when I see scenes like that, it makes me miss her even more.

[00:07:52]So, thanks for letting me open up with with you, too. So, Phil, let's end with him because his manipulation was through the roof. I think this was all a big act. You tell me if you disagree. So, here were here were some of his tactics that he tried to use on Garrett. Says, "Look, Garrett, I'm really trying here."

[00:08:09]This is when he showed up at the at the hockey practice. Cindy has chosen to trust me, and I want to be someone worthy of that trust. Great line. Really good line. I don't think he meant it.

[00:08:19]Maybe part of him meant it, but his selfishness still rules. He showed vulnerability on his face for the first time in the series. So, he actually does soften there. Maybe that was actually legit. It's hard to fake full expression, facial expressions like that. But the key is people's words are not enough. They got to follow it up with actions. Words do have to come first because they give you the chance to decide if you're going to give them another chance. The other thing Phil did right here is he didn't pressure Garrett at that practice. He just asked him to think about coming and then he gave him space. And by the way, that's the perfect way to handle it if you if you're trying to reconnect with somebody. Just, hey, make the request.

[00:08:57]Don't pressure him and then just back off and give them space. So, he at least did that. And then at the house, he appeared to be the supportive dad of Garrett's decision not to graduate before going pro or sorry, Gar's decision to graduate before going pro.

[00:09:09]And it, you can see it starts to shift Garrett like, well, maybe this guy is different. And then boom, it all came crashing down with the visual of Cindy's wrist. So, another powerful episode.

[00:09:19]Hey, thank you so much for being here.

[00:09:21]Let me know what you want to see more of, whatever you might disagree with. I love being able to disagree and still have relationship with each other. So, y'all are awesome. Thanks so much for being here and I'll see you at the next episode.