The burden of the 'gifted kid' label | Aleksandra Żołędziewska | TEDxIILOPoznań

Ajouté : 2026-05-19

[00:00:11]Ever since I started attending school, each year my mom asked me a question.

[00:00:18]Who is the smartest kid in your class?

[00:00:22]The first time I heard that question, I didn't know what to say. So I asked her, "How does one know which kid is the smartest?"

[00:00:33]To which she replied by saying, "It's the kid with the highest grades."

[00:00:39]But is that true?

[00:00:41]Well, imagine that you're one of those kids who have always excelled in school.

[00:00:47]Your teachers and family members call you things like genius, talented, gifted.

[00:00:56]Over time, you absorb these words like ink sinking into paper, shaping your sense of self.

[00:01:03]You start believing that intelligence is not something you built, but something you are.

[00:01:09]After all, you're gifted.

[00:01:13]It just so happens that I am one of those former gifted kids.

[00:01:19]And for a while, I believed it.

[00:01:23]I believed that being gifted meant I was special.

[00:01:27]But it's not true. Because before you know it, you start falling behind, losing motivation, and repeatedly asking yourself, "What have I done wrong?"

[00:01:41]Some of you may be familiar with the term gifted kid burnout.

[00:01:45]Even though it started appearing on many social media platforms as a joke, many people relate to it as it perfectly describes that pivotal moment when the brilliance people once praised feels like a distant memory and all that remains is exhaustion and self-doubt.

[00:02:04]But why are talented talented children who are supposedly our society's hope for a brighter future so vulnerable to burning out?

[00:02:16]In my experience of receiving the gifted kid label, I've noticed that it primarily comes down to the toxic expectations placed on students.

[00:02:25]Because when you are raised in the belief that your only values in getting good grades, it becomes part of your core identity.

[00:02:35]Deep down, I knew my mom was looking for only one answer to her question.

[00:02:42]She wanted me to say that I was the smartest one in my class.

[00:02:47]Growing up, these expectations enormously impacted me as a person.

[00:02:52]I became very competitive and felt the need to be the best at everything.

[00:02:58]It didn't apply to academics only.

[00:03:01]It also included sports, arts, and even such meaningless things as winning the board game during family reunions.

[00:03:10]I started feeling anxious at the thought of not being able to fulfill this and even more thinking that maybe I'm not as smart as I'm supposed to be.

[00:03:21]Gifted children often find themselves entangled in the relentless group of perfectionism.

[00:03:27]Research by Howitt and Flat from 1989 highlights the three types of perfectionism.

[00:03:34]Self-oriented, other oriented, and socially prescribed.

[00:03:39]Meanwhile, the Frost multi-dimensional perfectionism scale from 1990 further dissects its intrapersonal roots, linking it to fear of mistakes, self-doubt, and overwhelming parental expectations.

[00:03:55]This stems from multiple factors. Their early successes create an illusion of effortless excellence. Their friendships with all their peers set unattainably high benchmarks.

[00:04:05]And when learning at school does not pose a challenge for them, they replace the genuine intellectual development with the pursuit of impeccable results.

[00:04:16]Ironically, the very intelligence that sets them apart can also become a deep source of irritation.

[00:04:24]as their high cognitive abilities outpace their emotional resilience, leaving them vulnerable to stress, burnout, and the perpetual fear of failure.

[00:04:35]Even in environments designed to nurture them, perfectionistic educators and competitive peers can amplify these tendencies.

[00:04:45]Ultimately, while giftedness opens doors to extraordinary potential, it also fosters an unforgiving inner dialogue where success is never enough and the possibility of failure feels catastrophic.

[00:05:01]Now imagine what happens when a gifted kid struggles for the first time.

[00:05:07]If intelligence is something they simply have, then struggling must mean they have lost it, right?

[00:05:15]Another research on this phenomenon conducted by Carol Dwek reveals a fundamental truth.

[00:05:22]When children are told they are gifted, they often develop a fixed mindset.

[00:05:28]They believe that intelligence is something you either have or don't rather than something you cultivate.

[00:05:36]It is usually displayed in gifted kids not taking challenges, seeing constructive criticism as a personal attack, and playing it safe, choosing only the tasks they know they can master instantly.

[00:05:51]My fixed mindset resulted in the quick abandonment of new activities if I wasn't already great at them when starting them.

[00:05:59]For instance, when I was attending music school, I was quickly giving up on trying to play more complex musical pieces if I couldn't get them right instantly.

[00:06:10]It was frustrating me to the point that I actually ended up giving up playing piano at all after finishing my four years of music school.

[00:06:18]My fixed mindset also manifested in my academic work.

[00:06:23]I slowly stopped speaking up in class in fear of making a mistake and being seen as stupid.

[00:06:30]This belief that talents are unchangeable and you can develop them causes gifted children to underperform.

[00:06:39]However, it isn't limited only to the kids with the gifted label, but also children who suffer from overly high expectations in general.

[00:06:48]I've noticed this recently, especially when I look at my cousin, who is often compared to me by our family members.

[00:06:56]She has to attend additional English classes because I did.

[00:07:00]She has to start learning Spanish because I did. She has to have straight A because I did.

[00:07:09]We may also attribute this abnormality to our education system.

[00:07:14]After all, at some point in our education, our focus shifts solely to getting good grades instead of actually gaining knowledge.

[00:07:23]Well, that's what we need to get into good universities that will get us good jobs and later on good salaries, right?

[00:07:32]So, we begin to determine how smart we are based on the numbers on the papers our teachers give us.

[00:07:40]We live in a world that worships talent but neglects growth.

[00:07:47]Once I got labeled as gifted, I started receiving less support than my peers because I was incapable enough to not need it.

[00:07:57]The approach of my educators was pretty much of, "Oh, she's smart. She'll figure it out."

[00:08:05]I was taught, like many gifted kids are taught, that my value and my worth went only as far as I could get good grades.

[00:08:18]A lot of kids from the 80s, 90s, and 2000s are we reckoning with this right now.

[00:08:25]After being graced in the belief that your only values in getting good grades, you realize that the real world does not care about good grades.

[00:08:35]I left my town and started school here and I did not have the functionality of my peers which had never been addressed before.

[00:08:45]I was a weird kid. I didn't know how to make friends. I didn't know how to organize my work. I didn't know how to keep a schedule.

[00:08:56]These were things that I did not need to do previously.

[00:08:59]The only important thing in my life were my academic achievements which never posed a big challenge as I used to absorb knowledge like a sponge absorbs water. As a result, I also never learned how to study.

[00:09:15]So instead of being taught these skills, I've always been expected to just figure it out on my own.

[00:09:25]So how do we escape this cycle?

[00:09:27]According to Carl Dwek, the way in which we should face the problem of fixed mindsets is developing growth mindsets.

[00:09:36]Intelligence is not a delicate fragile thing preserved in a glass case only to shutter at the first sign of difficulty.

[00:09:44]It is a muscle. It grows stronger with practice.

[00:09:48]Those with a growth mindset see mistakes not as proof of failure but stepping stones to improvement.

[00:09:58]Obviously, developing a growth mindset is not easy as overlooking your insecurities and staying motivated can be extremely difficult.

[00:10:07]Personally, I struggle with that a lot and I don't know if I will ever get rid of my fixed mindset.

[00:10:14]Even though I try to approach myself less critically, I usually fail to do so.

[00:10:20]We must acknowledge that the best people who do what they love don't just do it, they appreciate it and love it.

[00:10:35]I was convinced from an early age that my academic achievements would lead me to becoming a doctor as that's what my parents always wanted.

[00:10:44]Growing up with this belief that being smart was the only thing that was really lovable about me, I felt obligated to satisfy them. So I used to say that's also what I wanted.

[00:10:57]However, last year I realized that it's not what I want.

[00:11:02]I love humanity subjects. I love history, literature, and I enjoy debating.

[00:11:07]I see myself more in the profession of a lawyer, and I believe that this is what would make me happy.

[00:11:15]So I want to pursue it.

[00:11:18]We must learn to reconnect with learning for joy, not for validation.

[00:11:24]Play an instrument not for awards but for the sheer love of music. Read not to impress but to be moved.

[00:11:33]Pursue knowledge not to prove your worth but to enrich your mind.

[00:11:41]However, this whole talk isn't only aimed at young people struggling with burnout or high expectations.

[00:11:49]It's also a message to the adults.

[00:11:52]Intelligence is not something you have.

[00:11:55]It's something you develop.

[00:11:58]If our education system promoted a growth mindset instead of mindlessly labeling kids, we could allow students to thrive and prevent burnout.

[00:12:08]Whether you're a parent or a teacher, don't put too much pressure on kids and teens.

[00:12:15]Let them learn at their own pace and allow them to make mistakes.

[00:12:20]After all, just like Albert Einstein once said, a person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

[00:12:31]Thank you.