LONELINESS - BEING LONELY DOES SAYING IT OUT LOUD HELP OR HINDER YOU?

[00:00:00]Hello.

[00:00:01]Thank you for joining me.

[00:00:06]Last week I posted a quote from the poet Robert Frost.

[00:00:14]And when I found that one, I found another one alongside it.

[00:00:22]And the way I am at present with endeavoring to file and sort out and reorganize, if I don't use it now, I will put it somewhere safe, never to be found in a month of Sundays.

[00:00:41]So, I'm going to record it today and post it for the following week.

[00:00:51]So, Robert Frost, he said, "Don't tell anyone that you're lonely because once again, you will convince yourself of this."

[00:01:14]So, I've read it and reread it and read it again.

[00:01:20]And I think it really is very much horses for courses, depending on circumstances, et cetera, et cetera. And it doesn't apply across the board.

[00:01:35]If you are alone and somebody asks you, "Are you lonely?"

[00:01:47]And you are, but say no, then are you denying yourself the chance of maybe being invited round somewhere for coffee, maybe suggestions being made to help you.

[00:02:10]Okay, you will have been reminded at the time that maybe you are lonely, but if you are, you know damn well anyway, you don't need to be reminded or convinced that you're lonely.

[00:02:22]You know when it changes from being alone and coping, getting on with things, being okay about it, being fine about it, being accepting about it.

[00:02:38]Any or all of those.

[00:02:42]I mean, for most of the time I am on my own and I am fine about it.

[00:02:49]But occasionally I do get hit by the being lonely button. It's not usually times like Christmas and New Year or special times.

[00:03:03]It can just be on a Thursday afternoon at 2:00.

[00:03:09]Well, suddenly hits me.

[00:03:13]And so I do things to divert myself, to occupy my mind.

[00:03:22]And I'm fine. I'm fortunate like that. I've got lots of things to do.

[00:03:31]But what if you do tell people and they say, "Well, you know, why don't you come out for a walk with me? Why don't you do something?"

[00:03:46]Sorry, I'm just rechecking what he said.

[00:03:54]>> How do you explain that one away other than I don't want to if you're choosing not to.

[00:04:05]Okay, it could well be not a choice rather part of a mental health problem that you're struggling with at present but that is isolating you and making you feel lonely.

[00:04:22]So certainly if a medical professional asks you Yeah.

[00:04:30]You have to be honest. You have to be truthful.

[00:04:34]If friends ask you the best policy is honesty because they hopefully know you understand you well enough to know that you don't use the word inappropriately or just as a cop-out.

[00:04:57]You use it if and when you are genuinely feeling lonely.

[00:05:05]So I don't think that if you say to somebody yes you're feeling lonely that it reinforces any feeling of loneliness that you have.

[00:05:24]It might confirm it.

[00:05:29]But it's better out in the open if you're feeling so badly about it.

[00:05:40]And very often it's not easy if it's not a close friend to actually say, "Well, I'm struggling at present. I'm finding things hard."

[00:05:54]And the main reason seems to be that I'm lonely.

[00:06:00]And if it's somebody you don't know very well, they could give you suggestions.

[00:06:08]You might take up on one of those.

[00:06:11]You might be sitting there, standing there thinking, "Oh, no.

[00:06:15]That sounds just what I don't need."

[00:06:20]But, you can just politely say, "Thank you for the ideas."

[00:06:27]Because it's actually good to have somebody that cares.

[00:06:32]It's far too many if they know that you're lonely and just turn the other cheek and walk away.

[00:06:44]And I'm sure that many, many of us have had that happen.

[00:06:50]Okay, it might, for some of us who've had it happen, be a positive way of coping with it at that time, even though it sounds an odd thing to say.

[00:07:06]But, it means that you can be left in peace without being pressured, pressurized.

[00:07:16]You can choose to open up to somebody when it feels right for you.

[00:07:26]And the trouble is in this old world of ours at present, there are a lot of people who are feeling lonely.

[00:07:34]And excuse the noises, the young man next door is out with his ball playing basketball, I think.

[00:07:43]But, I don't want to stop and restart again. So, I will just say I hope he's enjoying it.

[00:07:53]I won't offer to go and join in because I was never very good at netball, so I'm sure I won't be at basketball.

[00:08:02]I was better at defending rather than at attacking and trying to score goals.

[00:08:08]So, on that note, I will say thank you for joining me.

[00:08:13]Bye for now.

[00:08:15]Bye.