What Foreigners Get Wrong About Dating in the Philippines | An Expat Brutal Experience after 12 Days

[00:00:00]you're gonna get scammed. The skin tax is real. Like, you got to be really careful. Especially if you're going to Sibu, you got to be really careful.

[00:00:16]Hi everyone, welcome back to my YouTube channel. And for today's video, I have another guest. So, without further ado, let's ask him what brought him to the Philippines. first. Okay.

[00:00:29]>> Probably your name. [laughter] >> My name is Colby.

[00:00:32]>> Okay.

[00:00:33]>> I'm from Maine in the USA. Born and raised. But the reason I'm here in the Philippines is my first time in the Philippines. And the reason I'm here is because my Lola, my grandmother is from the Philippines originally in um Luzon area, Pampanga.

[00:00:49]And so as long as I've been an adult, I've wanted to see where she grew up and um understand a little bit more about my heritage and the culture. That's why I that was the main reason I came.

[00:01:02]>> Okay.

[00:01:02]>> Um some of the other reasons were because I'm professionally I'm a filmmaker and a photographer and uh >> I've known for a long time that the Philippines is very colorful.

[00:01:11]>> Yeah.

[00:01:12]>> Uh both visually and with its people and uh so I wanted to be able to document some of that myself. Did you start like documenting already?

[00:01:22]>> I have. Yeah, I've done a little bit.

[00:01:23]I've only been here for I think 12 days.

[00:01:26]>> 12 days.

[00:01:27]>> Um.

[00:01:28]>> Wow.

[00:01:29]>> Yeah. [laughter] >> So, do you have like any places in mind that you wish to explore?

[00:01:35]>> Yes. I have a I have a long list of places I'd like to go to. I've I've only been spend most of my time in here in Sibu City because uh some medical things that have been taken care of, but I hope to go to other parts of Sibu Islands like OAB and uh was it Moab?

[00:01:54]>> Yeah, Mal.

[00:01:55]>> Yeah. Okay.

[00:01:56]>> Cuz I'd love to swim whale sharks. I'd love to go free diving if I can.

[00:02:00]>> Uh sardines. I love swimming in the ocean. So, I would I definitely want to go and explore some of the beaches.

[00:02:07]>> For 12 days of being here in Cebu, what have you like noticed so far?

[00:02:13]>> You have to remember most of my experience has been in the city. So, what I've noticed so far is very busy.

[00:02:19]>> Okay.

[00:02:19]>> I come from a small town in Maine. You know, I've been in large cities in the US like New York City and Chicago and Boston, but this is different and it's it's very I think for people who aren't used to it, it could describe it like chaos, a little hectic.

[00:02:37][laughter] >> Um, you know, there's a lot of fumes >> and exhaust from [laughter] all the cars and the buses and the bikes. Um, I I was a bit shocked to when I first experienced the traffic and the way it's people drive here versus the way they drive in the United States.

[00:02:57]>> It's very different.

[00:02:58]>> It's so different. And actually, it's my first couple days I was kind of scared to ride around here and I was actually too scared to take a motorbike. And then I realized, you know, on my third day in Sibu, taking a a ride down past here and I was sitting there, I'm like, "Oh, I just I realized I'm used to it already.

[00:03:16]I've already adapted [laughter] >> and then I took my first motorbike ride and >> it was actually a lot of fun." And it's actually much more easy to get around >> on a bike.

[00:03:28]>> Yeah. because you can just cut in between lanes and go around and >> um actually during >> I had a very scary ride on >> Senu log the night getting back home because there were so many cars so many people trying to get out of the city at the same time >> and you're going you're depending on your driver he might be a little bit aggressive.

[00:03:51]>> Yeah.

[00:03:51]>> And he's going through trying to cut and I'm like my knees are getting are going to get taken out by all these cars and Yeah. It was >> such an adventure.

[00:03:59]>> It's very very adventurous. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:04:01]I It's It's fun though.

[00:04:03]>> Yeah. So, I know it was fun.

[00:04:04]>> And then that made me think, oh, if I live in the Philippines someday, I definitely want to own a bike because it's it's definitely the quickest way to get around for one person at least. Any more than that, it's obviously >> No, two would be okay.

[00:04:17]>> Can you do two people?

[00:04:18]>> Like the driver.

[00:04:20]>> Oh, right. [laughter] >> Of course.

[00:04:23]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:04:23]>> Yeah.

[00:04:24]>> Yeah. Yeah. True.

[00:04:25]>> Yeah. So, what was your experience with the Synolog so far? Because a lot of foreigners wanted to try Solog. And for you as a foreigner, how would you describe Solog Festival?

[00:04:38]>> It was the craziest party I've ever been a part of.

[00:04:41]>> Uh, it's the most amount of people I've ever seen in one place.

[00:04:47]Very loud, very, again, chaotic. M >> I'd say like controlled chaos is a better way to put it. But everyone's just having such a fun time. The energy is so invigorating. I can see why it's such a popular thing to Yeah.

[00:05:02]>> And what's so cool is like cuz I was here maybe almost a week I got here almost a week before the festival began >> and I got to experience all the hype.

[00:05:13]You know, everywhere you go it's the same music is playing the same three songs.

[00:05:17]>> What was the song? Yeah.

[00:05:23]Um, yeah. And the march and stuff and like you go to the mall, it's blasting everywhere in the mall. It's blasting in every car. [laughter] >> Even like little speakers like people are playing it. It's >> It's crazy.

[00:05:36]>> And it amazed me that nobody gets bored of it. And then actually then Monday came and >> it was very silent.

[00:05:45]>> Gone. And I miss it. I'm like I miss the music now. What was your biggest culture shock when you first arrived here in the Philippines?

[00:05:52]>> It is cliche to say the driving.

[00:05:55]>> The driving, >> but it probably would be the driving.

[00:05:58]Um, >> oh, but the food.

[00:06:00]>> No, the food there. I have had a lot of Filipino food here, which has been great, but my because my grandmother's Filipino, >> I've had some of that already growing up as a kid. The uh one thing that I could say is that I being here in Tibu, the native language is Baya.

[00:06:16]>> Mhm. Sabuano.

[00:06:17]>> Sabano.

[00:06:18]>> Yeah. Bisaya.

[00:06:19]>> So, didn't know any obviously didn't know any of that. And I thought maybe I would feel uncomfortable being out and about and hearing all of hearing a language that I don't understand, but I never felt that way. I never felt uncomfortable. And >> nice.

[00:06:31]>> It's actually very >> I enjoy it. I I enjoy listening to the language. Sounds very very nice.

[00:06:37]>> It's very new to your ear.

[00:06:38]>> Yeah. Yeah. It's also because I'm a music musician and >> Oh, that's >> so I'm listening to the melody and the rhythm of it and I'm picking up on certain things and it's it's pretty interesting.

[00:06:51]>> Wow. You have a lot of talent.

[00:06:54]Filmmaker, video, musician. What else?

[00:06:58]>> Well, they all go hand in hand, right?

[00:06:59]Yeah. Uh that's it. Yeah, I would say that's probably it. Yeah.

[00:07:02]>> Ah, it's pretty nice job. [laughter] [gasps] >> What Well, can I ask you though? Yeah.

[00:07:08]>> If you ask that question to other people, what have they said has been their biggest culture shock?

[00:07:12]>> Well, the size of the rooms.

[00:07:15]>> Oh, okay. [laughter] >> It's way too small.

[00:07:18]>> Yes. Okay. One thing I didn't think about was that Filipino people don't like or aren't used to using hot water in their shower. So, when I stay with my cousins [laughter] >> in in San Fernando >> Oh, San Fernando.

[00:07:34]>> Pampanga. Okay. cuz there's another there's there's San Fernando in a different one.

[00:07:39]>> Um she showed me my my room, my guest room. She's like, "Okay, here's the bed." And then she showed me the bathroom. And she's like, "Oh, that's you know, there's a toilet like a regular toilet >> with a bedet actually."

[00:07:49]>> Oh, wow.

[00:07:50]>> And then here's this the shower stall.

[00:07:52]And I said and I'm looking up and I'm like, "Where's the I'm thinking I don't see the shower head." So I said to my cousin, "Uh, is there a shower here?"

[00:08:01]She's like, "Oh yeah, it's right there."

[00:08:02]And she points and it's just a bucket of [laughter] water with a scoop.

[00:08:07]>> Yeah.

[00:08:08]>> Oh, okay.

[00:08:09]>> It's called kaboo.

[00:08:10]>> And you just She's like, "Yeah, you just, you know, pour it on."

[00:08:13]>> Yeah.

[00:08:13]>> Okay. So, I didn't do that.

[00:08:15]>> So, what did you do?

[00:08:16]>> I I have a I have a hard time. I don't know. I like just It's very new.

[00:08:19]>> It's cold, you know.

[00:08:20]>> Oh, okay.

[00:08:21]>> It's too cold. So, I just like shampoo my hair and rinse my hair or whatever.

[00:08:25]But um luckily in a lot of condos and hotels you have >> they have >> the little individual heaters that are attached to the wall.

[00:08:33]>> Mhm.

[00:08:33]>> Yeah.

[00:08:34]>> Yeah. Because they know that there might be foreigners. Obviously they have to.

[00:08:38]>> That's so interesting that I never That's one thing I never expected.

[00:08:41]>> Yeah. Good thing that CR has a bed because others don't have.

[00:08:45]>> Yeah. I guess it's it's not it's not everywhere but I've seen like here in in the malls I've been to the bathrooms have bed.

[00:08:51]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But when it comes to like Filipino >> families Yeah. I went to I guess another culture shock. I went to the province. I went to the countryside a couple days ago actually to meet some friends. It's actually another expat who lives in a small town north of the city.

[00:09:09]>> Mhm.

[00:09:10]>> So that was my first time ever seeing Filipino country. And that was kind of shocking at the first time and just what a simple such a simple lifestyle.

[00:09:21]And You're amazed of it. You're amazed.

[00:09:24]>> Yeah. And but what's amazing is that people are still so happy and still so loving and care about each other. It's >> they're so grateful about even if very very simple.

[00:09:38]>> It's not about >> the luxury.

[00:09:39]>> It's not about material things. It's about experiences and the people that you that you share it with.

[00:09:44]>> Yeah. That's a good thing. That's the spirit of Filipino. They enjoy simple >> things. The other thing I've noticed is like so the official slogan, am I right, is for the Philippines is more fun in the Philippines.

[00:09:58]>> Yeah, it's more fun in the Philippines.

[00:09:59]>> It's true.

[00:10:00]>> It's true. [laughter] >> But I another slogan could be Philippines, we'll figure it out, you know? It's like if you run into a problem and just like something over here is broken like or we got to like we'll just to to whatever the problem is instead of like getting upset about it, you just find a way. Mhm.

[00:10:21]>> And it's okay. It'll be okay.

[00:10:23]>> Yeah.

[00:10:24]>> That's that's another thing I noticed about the Filipino people.

[00:10:27]>> Well, for 12 days, those are a lot of observation [laughter] [gasps] >> compared to like regular visitors. So, good thing.

[00:10:37]>> Yeah. I'm not I'm not like a probably not a normal tourist because I haven't done a lot of the tourist things.

[00:10:44]>> I've just kind of lived here >> and I've trying to integrate as best I can, >> immerse myself. But then I realized that driving in the Philippines is about going with the flow and not necessarily following the rules.

[00:10:57]>> Yeah.

[00:10:57]>> Which is the opposite in the US because in the US if you cut somebody off, >> which happens all the time here because it's just the way it is. Like you have to to get around and it people just accept that's the way.

[00:11:11]>> But if you did that in the US, >> you could lose your life because someone might have road rage.

[00:11:17]>> Yeah. and they might want to shoot you.

[00:11:19]Then that actually happens often. And so it's scary. It's it's scary to drive anywhere, but for different reasons.

[00:11:28]>> Filipinos value family first and foremost.

[00:11:32]>> And faith.

[00:11:33]>> Faith. We're very like religious.

[00:11:35]>> Yes.

[00:11:36]>> That's true.

[00:11:36]>> Believe in God and >> almighty father.

[00:11:39]>> Yes. [laughter] >> Yeah.

[00:11:41]>> Um and Filipinos seem to be they want to help each other.

[00:11:46]>> Yeah. I don't think it's necessarily maybe it is because I'm a foreigner and I maybe I stand out a little bit but if I go any any store or any restaurant it's you ask for something and they're always wanting to help you. I've been here long enough to see that they want to help each other too. It's not just to foreigners.

[00:12:04]>> Yeah, exactly. Even when things get hard like example when Philippines experienced the typhoons, the earthquakes, have you heard about that?

[00:12:12]>> Yeah, a couple months ago.

[00:12:13]>> Mhm. Yeah, >> like probably around October or September.

[00:12:18]>> And then and then people I mean people all around the Philippines like they are helping each other like they visit here they participate of giving goods giving assistance and it just shows how helpful to co- Filipinos.

[00:12:34]>> I try to value that in my own life or I try to make it a priority to be considerate >> of other people before myself. But I I find it's not as common where I'm from.

[00:12:44]And not that there aren't considerate people, but it just seems to be more ubiquitous in the Philippines. It's like it's part of the culture to help.

[00:12:53]>> Yeah. Plus, your grandmother is a Filipina. Filipino.

[00:12:57]>> Yeah. She was born here, but she's she's actually half >> half Filipino, half American.

[00:13:03]>> Her mom is from here.

[00:13:05]>> That's why.

[00:13:05]>> Yeah.

[00:13:06]>> So, right now, where are you like staying? Are you >> No, I'm not staying I'm not staying in those hot spots for tourists, [laughter] but I do wish that now I do wish that I did because where I'm staying it's really like it's out of the way.

[00:13:18]>> Yeah, because >> and it's really hard to get a ride.

[00:13:20]>> Yeah.

[00:13:21]>> Like if I want to go get a coffee, >> I have to make sure I have all my things for the day with me >> and then I have to wait, you know, for a while for to get a ride. Sometimes like especially during the festival, I had to wait like 2 hours before I could get a ride one time one morning.

[00:13:34]>> Yeah. Because this this is my first time hearing someone like Lahoo. Yeah.

[00:13:38]>> Like really? How did you discover this place?

[00:13:41]>> It was cheap. [laughter] It's the cheap one on Airbnb.

[00:13:45]>> Okay.

[00:13:46]>> Cuz I had to book it for 2 weeks. So I wanted something that was affordable.

[00:13:50]But then I realized cuz I've heard I heard you it's good for foreigners to stay it park.

[00:13:56]>> Yeah. It park >> cuz there's so much to do. There's so much >> coffee shops and restaurants and stores.

[00:14:01]But when I saw that place, I'm like, "Oh, that's not that far on the map."

[00:14:04]>> Yeah.

[00:14:05]>> But in real life, it's far.

[00:14:07]>> Yeah. In real life.

[00:14:08]>> Yeah. So, because of traffic and >> one thing that you've learned, >> next time I stay in Cebu, I'm staying in IC Park, I think.

[00:14:15]>> Oh, it park or here?

[00:14:16]>> Or here. Yeah.

[00:14:18]>> Or even not it park just close >> closer >> closer. Yeah.

[00:14:22]>> Oh, yeah. Because actually and I I have walked it and it took me about 40 minutes to walk there.

[00:14:26]>> What a good exercise.

[00:14:27]>> It was good exercise. However, [laughter] I was still it was still early in my time here and I was very nervous to cross the street. So, I come down this like little street and maybe like half a mile down this one lane street before the first big major intersection which is so busy at JY. You know JY?

[00:14:47]>> Yeah, >> that's where. And I'm like there's no way I'm crossing this. I'm going to This isn't So, I ended up turning right and that's the way to go up to like tops.

[00:14:56]start walking up the mountain side >> before I found it like where there was no traffic. Then I crossed and came back down all the way the other side.

[00:15:03]>> Oh my goodness.

[00:15:04]>> And then I realized, oh, I could have just crossed at the intersection because there's like a crosswalk and there is a light that changes. But it was it was scary and like I just didn't want to >> Yeah.

[00:15:14]>> I didn't want to take that.

[00:15:16]>> But now I'm actually >> way more confident >> more confident to just walk into traffic. Like you just have to go with the flow. I'm excited to see other parts of the country because all my experience of the Philippines thus far is basically the city and to see or feel what it's like to be in like a small town where life's a little bit slower, more peaceful. I'm excited to see that.

[00:15:37]>> Wow.

[00:15:38]>> Maybe I could rent a motorbike and explore the island freedom. Yeah, cuz it it does feel like you're a little bit it's nice to have all the modern amenities, but sometimes I start to feel like I'm a little bit trapped in the city. Do you ever feel that Yeah, I mean it's nice sometimes to be close with nature.

[00:15:53]>> Yeah, agree.

[00:15:54]>> Agree.

[00:15:54]>> But what's really, as you said earlier, there is a lot of nature in this. Like there's so much greenery out here. This is just a mall.

[00:16:01]>> As I told you earlier, Cebu is the vibe of Cebu is like a nature x city.

[00:16:08]>> It like it's between nature and city, which I really love.

[00:16:12]>> Yeah.

[00:16:12]>> So if you want to go to the city, go. If you want to be close with nature, not also very far. If you go to the like the one that you mentioned earlier like the right like when you try to cross the street and have you heard about the tops.

[00:16:24]>> Yeah, I went there.

[00:16:25]>> So busai busai area has a very like cool so many area like form like a tiny little house.

[00:16:34]>> It's amazing how much cooler it is too cuz you're up in the mountains so the air is not as humid and it is very like prepare and it's nice.

[00:16:42]>> They don't use I know there they don't use air con. No, you don't need it.

[00:16:47]>> They use airs.

[00:16:48]>> Air lapse.

[00:16:49]>> Yeah.

[00:16:49]>> What's that?

[00:16:50]>> So that means air coming in in and out.

[00:16:53]>> Oh, [laughter] >> and yeah, air loves and fun only fun because it's already cold. So hoping you'd experience that one. You can now try to search where and Busai exactly >> would I like to visit because you're so close now to Busai. You're in Lahoo.

[00:17:09]>> Yeah.

[00:17:09]>> Right. So going back, how is daytoday life here compared to your home country?

[00:17:15]so different.

[00:17:16]>> Why?

[00:17:16]>> Well, for one, I am somewhat on a vacation. So, I don't have the like the standard routine of a normal workday.

[00:17:24]And I purposely didn't try to plan any like I didn't have an agenda or an itinerary of like today, Monday, I'm going to go to Ocelot, Tuesday, I'm going to go to the uh the waterfall or do a canyon. Like I didn't want to do that.

[00:17:38]>> I just wanted to wake up with the sun, no alarm, and just go with it and like, oh, what do I want to do today? and then go do it.

[00:17:46]>> And because I am here alone, I like it would be different. Obviously, if you were traveling as a couple or you had a family, you want to be able to plan certain things, >> but I never know who I'm going to meet.

[00:17:56]And just to like this wouldn't have happened if I had like set a specific >> itinerary. So, that is very different than my lifestyle at at home.

[00:18:07]>> And it's very >> I feel so much more relaxed here.

[00:18:11]>> I think it's that, but I think it's the weather, too. like it.

[00:18:15]>> Yeah. Way more relaxed.

[00:18:16]>> Way more relaxed >> compared.

[00:18:17]>> Even though the city is crazy.

[00:18:19]>> Mhm. It's chaos.

[00:18:21]>> Chaotic. [laughter] >> But I'm so much more relaxed.

[00:18:24]>> Yeah. Happy to hear about that from you.

[00:18:26]>> It's nice.

[00:18:27]>> Yeah. Wishing that you could travel more.

[00:18:30]>> Yeah. In the future.

[00:18:31]>> Yeah. I know. There's so many beautiful islands in the Philippines to >> Yeah. So many islands to explore.

[00:18:36]>> Yeah. I know a lot of people who retire in the Philippines use it as a home base to travel to other countries in Southeast Asia like Thailand or Vietnam.

[00:18:44]And I would love to do that someday and even Australia. Like it's easier to get there from here.

[00:18:50]>> That's another benefit.

[00:18:51]>> Yeah.

[00:18:52]>> If you're looking to move and retire to the Philippines.

[00:18:54]>> For your next question, what's something foreigners often misunderstand about the Philippines? Like is there any like have you heard or comments about the Philippines and then when you come here?

[00:19:05]Yeah, maybe a little bit. But not not a lot of negative things I've heard. But maybe one thing is I have heard people say three things. Okay.

[00:19:13]>> Okay. [clears throat] >> Generally speaking, if you can't adapt, you will not have a good time.

[00:19:19]>> Mhm.

[00:19:20]>> If you're set in western ways, let's say, and you come here and you can't break out of that mold. If you can't if you don't have patience, cuz this place operates on a different clock. And Americans especially are very much used to like setting times and sticking to them like you got to be on time. You actually got to be early >> if you're not early or late which I actually really I just like that.

[00:19:45]Obviously there are practical reasons for that too but there should be a balance. So those people who can't adapt will not have a good time here.

[00:19:53]>> Mhm.

[00:19:53]>> So my I have a story when I my first day my first full day I was still in city.

[00:20:00]My cousin took me to my first mall in the Philippines called SM Clark.

[00:20:05]>> Mhm.

[00:20:05]>> And because of the former air base, Air Force base, American base, there are a lot of expats in that area. And so sure enough, I go into go into the mall and I'm just like boom, there's a there's an American American American.

[00:20:20]>> There there's so many. And the crazy thing about it is that some of them are my age, but a lot of most of them are older.

[00:20:27]>> And they're all with very young, beautiful Filipino women.

[00:20:31]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:20:32]>> Attached to their hip.

[00:20:34][laughter] >> I'm like, "Wow, so lucky." Yeah.

[00:20:37]>> Um, so that day we were about to leave the mall, but I was like, "I need to use the restroom." So, we find the restroom.

[00:20:44]It just so happened the timing was that I followed one of these guys, another American that looked about my age. We went into the bathroom at the same time and his girlfriend or whatever it was.

[00:20:56]>> I didn't know it, but his girl went into the bathroom and so, you know, guys are quicker and there was a line for the women's B. So, we come out >> first and I'm just standing there next to him. I'm like, I might as well try to make conversation with this guy. And I could tell he was American because, well, he was white, but he had, you know, the way his clothing was and stuff. Just assumed. I didn't know, but I assumed. So I go up to him like, "Hey, what's up?" And he's like, "Hey." He's very like defensive, very kind of cold at the beginning. And I'm like, "Oh."

[00:21:26]And I'm remember this is my first day.

[00:21:29]>> Oh yeah.

[00:21:29]>> And I'm just like taking it all in still. And I'm just like I'm like, "I just got here." And he's like, "Cool."

[00:21:35]And I'm like, "Oh my gosh, how do I talk to this guy?" Like he doesn't want to.

[00:21:38]He hates me for some reason.

[00:21:40]>> Yeah.

[00:21:41]>> And so but I'm just standing there awkwardly. So I try to make conversation and I said, "So how long have you been here?" and he said, "Well, I've been here since about last April." I'm like, "Okay, so coming up almost on a year in the Philippines. Are you that's pretty cool. Like, are you you seem so young.

[00:21:57]Are you planning maybe you'll retire and then eventually move and live in the Philippines full-time?" And he says, "Oh, hell no. I'm trying to get out of here as soon as I can. This place sucks." The first, literally the first expat that I have a conversation with, and it's so negative. You're going to get scammed. The skin tax is real. Like you got to be really careful, especially if you're going to Sabu. You got to be really careful and like wow this guy he must be jaded, you know? Like he must have had some bad experience in his past.

[00:22:27]>> He has a bad attitude in a way.

[00:22:29]>> Yeah, >> he deserves it.

[00:22:30]>> Yeah. [laughter] >> I'm like, okay, I'm not I'm not talking to this guy anymore.